Katherine wanted nothing more than to curl up on the sofa with a takeaway and watch re-runs of Inspector Morse, or Silent Witness; something suitably gory and murderous to suit her mood after a hectic day at work, where every customer had a complaint and the computer system went into meltdown for three hours.
Instead, Tabitha had, yet again, persuaded her to leave the cosy clutter of the flat with the promise of a “special event” at a local restaurant. Katherine had unwillingly agreed to go only because tasty food and a glass or three of wine were preferable to cold, soggy pizza and an out of date can of pop.
And Tabby had said it would be fine if she wanted to wear her ripped jeans and a sweatshirt. In fact, she was wearing something similar when she turned up fifteen minutes late, though on her they looked shabby-chic and not merely scruffy. Tabby wouldn’t let Katherine wear her glasses, snatching them off her nose and dropping them on the kitchen worktop, so Katherine wasn’t exactly sure where they were once they’d left the familiar surroundings of her own street.
‘How far is the restaurant?’ Katherine was struggling to keep up with Tabby, who strode ahead on six-inch spikey heels.
‘It’s not far. It’s down one of those side streets up ahead.’
‘And what’s going to be happening when we get there? It’s not another speed-dating scam is it? You do remember what happened last time?’
‘Oh, it’s nothing life that. Like I told you on the phone, it’s where Janet from work met her fiancé last year. She went with her sister, they had a great time, lots of fun apparently, and that’s where she met Rex.’
‘Rex? What a name, sounds like something you could shout in the park and some great hairy beast would run up to you and drop a drool sodden tennis ball at your feet.’
‘It’s not his real name, he’s John. But his surname is Cornish, so she calls him her Cornish Rex. It’s a breed of cat her mother used to have.’
‘Oh, she’s the mad cat lady. Still, if she can find a man to put up with her then I’m willing to give it a try. But shouldn’t we have dressed up a bit?’
‘It’s really not that sort of place, not at all formal. Honestly, we’ll blend in with everyone else, you’ll see.’
And when they arrived at the restaurant, there were indeed a number of people milling about outside wearing an array of what could loosely be termed ‘casual’ dress.
It was dusk and the street lights had just come on, their orange light not bright enough yet to illuminate the sign above the restaurant door. Katherine peered at it, wishing she’d ignored Tabby’s instruction not to wear her glasses. Kitty’s Café she thought it said. Definitely not a posh restaurant then, more like an old-fashioned tearoom, all cream cakes and doilies and polished copper kettles perhaps. Katherine felt better knowing she wasn’t going to be turned away because she didn’t meet their standard of dress.
At seven o’clock on the dot, the door was thrown open and the crowd surged forward.
‘Come on, or all the best seats will have gone.’ Tabby pulled Katherine by the hand through the door and homed in on the booths situated at the back of the room. Inside it was like a rugby scrum, everyone pushing and shoving to get a seat. Tabby, an avid shopper and veteran of department store sales, stuck her elbows out and charged through, towing Katherine behind her. ‘Janet said this is the best place to be.’ They reached the last empty booth and slid behind the table, just seconds ahead of two other women, one dressed in a tangle of floaty scarves which draped from her arms and waist. Her friend wore a black catsuit and a scowl.
‘Was she really wearing cats’ ears?’ Katherine turned to look as the two women stomped away to an empty table by the toilets.
‘Stop staring,’ Tabby hissed. ‘Some people who come here like to dress up. It adds to the atmosphere.’
‘Where on earth have you brought me, Tabs?’ Katherine was staring in horror, ‘there’s a cat curled up on the counter. That’s not hygienic.’
‘I told you. It’s a singles night. They run them every month. It’s very popular with people who share a certain interest.’
‘What, dressing up as cats? It’s a bit kinky isn’t it?’
‘But it’s what this place is all about. It’s all the rage abroad. I thought you understood when I told you we were coming to the Kitty Café.’
‘I don’t know what you mean. The sign said Kitty’s Café, so I was expecting coffee and cake, maybe with a bit of flirting thrown in. Or a glass of wine and some nibbles, not a glass of milk and a bowl of cat food.’
‘It’s a cat café. The owners let their cats wander around. Customers can pet them or play with them while they’re here. They’ll let them out in a minute, once everyone’s here. It’s supposed to be very therapeutic, like those dogs that go into old people’s homes and hospitals. I thought you’d like it. It’s meant to be relaxing.’
‘But I hate cats. It was because of a cat that I split up with Simon. He paid so much attention to it, that I might as well not have existed. So I left him, them, to it. As far as I know they’re still very happy together. He takes it out for walks – on a lead. It’s got a diamanté collar and a luxury scratching post and its own television for all I know.’
‘We can leave if you really want to.’ But the pleading tone in Tabby’s voice showed she really wanted to stay.
‘No, we’re here now. But we leave the minute I start sneezing.’
‘Deal.’
***
As he stood in line at the counter, Leo felt the familiar tingle in his nose that signalled an allergy attack was imminent. His eyes started to itch and he clutched his handkerchief, ready to catch the sneeze that was building. The café was busy, every table was full as women and men of all ages flirted and chatted each other up.
One of them must own a cat, or a dog. Something furry and probably smelly too. He’d never seen the attraction. He sneezed. Then sneezed again.
‘Bless you.’ His mate, Tom, handed him a mug. Leo couldn’t even smell his cappuccino; his nose was running. ‘What’s up with you?’
‘Someone around here must have pets. I’m allergic to fur, and I haven’t brought any antihistamines with me.’
Tom looked at him in horror. ‘Mate, I clean forgot. I’d never have suggested coming here otherwise.’
‘Why ever not?’ Leo sneezed again. ‘You weren’t to know that there would be someone here covered in pet hair.’ A woman sitting at a nearby table glared at him. Tom looked a bit sheepish, then walked away. Leo stumbled after him, bumping into tables, his eyes streaming.
‘Is anyone sitting here?’ Tom had found the only table with two empty seats.
‘Please join us.’ The blond smiled at Tom, the brunette shuffled along the bench to make room for Leo.
‘I’m Tom and this is my friend Leo. Don’t mind him. He has allergies.’
‘Well why on earth has he come here then?’ The blonde asked. ‘That was a bit silly wasn’t it?’
‘Why? We’re here for the singles night, as are you, I assume?’ Tom could feel his chest tightening. He hoped he wasn’t going to have an asthma attack. He patted his jacket pocket and felt the comforting presence of his inhaler.
‘Didn’t you see the name of the café as you came in?’ The blonde asked. She might as well have added “idiot” to the end of the sentence, if her expression was anything to go by.
‘Kitty’s Café. What’s wrong with that?’
‘Not Kitty’s Café. It’s Kitty Café. It’s a cat café.’
‘What do you mean “It’s a cat café”?’ Leo asked, then sneezed suddenly, and rather loudly.
‘She means it’s a café for cats.’ Tom smirked. ‘The cats live here, in the cafe.’ He noticed Leo’s expression of disgust. ‘What? What’s wrong with that?’
‘Oh, there’s nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all. UNLESS YOU’RE ALLERGIC, YOU BLOODY MORON!’
‘There’s no need to shout.’
‘I THINK THERE IS. YOU’VE DELIBERATELY BROUGHT ME TO A CAFÉ FULL OF BLOODY CATS, KNOWING THAT THEY’LL MAKE ME ILL. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?’
‘Well everyone knows women like cats. So what better place to meet new women and get to know them. Then, when they’re all dewy eyed over the kittens, you can make your move. They can’t resist a guy who loves animals.’
‘Well I can,’ said the brunette. She sneezed. ‘I think I’m becoming allergic too. Has anyone got any antihistamines?’ Everyone shook their heads.
‘My name is Tabby, she’s Kat’ said the blonde and held out her hand to Tom. ‘I’m not allergic, as you can see.’
‘Me neither,’ said Tom, shaking hands. ‘Can I get you another coffee?’
‘I’ll come with you to the counter.’
‘I’m Katherine, not Kat,’ said the brunette, rubbing at her streaming eyes then blowing her nose on a rather tatty tissue she’d pulled from her bag. ‘I won’t shake hands.’ She clutched her tissue and stared miserably around the room, where cats of all shapes and sizes were being petted and cooed over. She reached a hand into the bowl in the middle of the table.
‘I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.’
‘Look, I’m bored, I’m hungry, my best friend has just abandoned me to a stranger who won’t even let me eat the peanuts.’ She tossed one into the air and caught it on her tongue, then chewed and swallowed it.
‘They’re not peanuts, they’re cat treats. Look around.’
Katherine looked. Sure enough, people were reaching into the bowls and feeding the cats that sat with them. She felt a bit sick.
‘Look, Tom and your friend seem to be getting on.’ He nodded towards the counter where a fat ginger cat was having its ears scratched by Tabby as Tom watched, ignoring the rapidly cooling mugs of coffee in front of him.
‘Oh God, Tabby’s gone into all-out flirting mode. Your friend doesn’t stand a chance.’ She sneezed again and hunted around in her bag for another tissue. Leo handed her an unused paper serviette.
‘I doubt they’d even notice if we disappeared. What do you think? Shall we abandon them to the cats and get out of here?
He could see she wasn’t sure about leaving with him. She was pretty, behind all the snot. What could he say that would persuade her? She sneezed again and blew her nose, the shredded tissue was barely holding together. Here goes nothing, he thought.
‘Let me take you away to a little place I know. It’s not far from here.’
She looked wary. ‘Where?’
‘Well first of all, we’ll stop off somewhere that stocks antihistamines and a huge selection of tissues.’
‘You know where there’s an all-night chemist?’
Leo nodded. She smiled.
‘You said first. What’s second?’
‘You said you were hungry. So am I. Starving. I haven’t had anything to eat since a soggy ham sandwich about eight hours ago. I could eat every cat treat in the room, I’m so hungry, but I’d much rather eat a bowl of seafood pasta and some garlic bread. I’d be happy if you consented to join me. No strings attached. Just two people getting to know each other better.’
‘I’d like that. Very much.’ She stuffed the soggy tissue into her bag and linked her arm through his. ‘What are we waiting for?’
Only the white cat, dozing on the windowsill by the door, saw them leave.
Fiction from my keyboard (and some nonfiction too) 