fading_light

I plan on joining the mini round of LJ Idol. Let's see if I can actually get to writing again.

Decisions. Is there really anything more terrifying than making a decision? I'm not talking about decisions about what to eat for lunch, or if you should get a pedicure after work (though for some people even those decisions can be terrifying). I'm talking about decisions that could, and probably will, change you as a person. Life altering decisions are usually difficult journeys that we purposely put ourselves through because we feel the end goal is worth the struggle. A couple of years ago, I made a decision that could possibly be life changing, providing that I could pull it off.

Towards the beginning of 2017, I found myself feeling unfulfilled. I was hitting the ten year mark at my job, and I still hadn't managed to get a promotion in all of that time. I had completely given up on the idea of getting a promotion because I was permanently stuck on graveyard. I was constantly sick, which meant that I called in a lot (hence the reason behind the lack of promotions), and when I wasn't sick I was just tired. The only way to get a promotion and/or get off graveyard was to improve my attendance, but when I tried I only managed to get sick again which just continued what seemed to be an endless cycle.

The lack of regard for their employees wasn't my only issue with the job. Being constantly surrounded by drug, drinking, and gambling addicts was getting to me. By working in a casino, wasn't I helping to enable a possible addiction for the sake of a paycheck? Watching people gamble away their child support and rent checks made me feel bad because I was part of the machine that feeds off of those addictions. What could I do though? My skill set would only land me in another customer service position (that most likely paid less) that would leave me feeling just as unfulfilled (if not more so) as my current position did.

My future, if I continued along this path, was looking very depressing and bleak. I needed more. I was worth more. What could I do though? A few years before, I had tried starting my own photography business, but that failed due to my lack of business sense and my lack of experience. I could have tried again, but I didn't really want to. I got more joy out of photography as a hobby. I honestly didn't know what to do about my situation. Luckily, a Facebook friend of mine posted a status update about how she was going back to school so that she could teach English overseas. The idea was very intriguing to me as I had never considered going back to school and teaching (I'm iffy about children) as a viable option for me. I was 35 years old, and I hadn't been in a classroom setting in five or six years. Did my age really matter though? What would my major be? How would I afford to go to university? How am I going to work full time and go to school? What is traffic going to Seattle be like? Is this taking on too much? Am I really going to use a degree? What do I even want to do?

I didn't have an answer to any of those questions, so I pondered over what the woman on Facebook had said about teaching English overseas. I had always wanted to travel, and teaching overseas would allow me to do that. I would get to go to countries that actually care about education, and I would possibly learn about other cultures while I was there. My major was journalism in community college, so it wouldn't be a stretch to change my major to English. I could legitimately do this, so I did it. I filled out the application to the University of Washington in February of 2017, and nervously waited for months to find out if I was accepted. The University of Washington only accepts 1500 transfer students, and in May of 2017 I found out that I was one of the 1500 accepted.

https://instagram.com/p/BTlOgKClLZw

I only went to school part time, and my job actually worked with me so that I could go to school (I managed to get off graveyard). Unfortunately, after a full year of kicking ass at university, I ran out of a way to pay. I was relying on student loans and my own savings the first year. The second year, I thought I had covered by a grant that the school gave me, but I needed to be a full time student to use that money (which I didn't actually learn until the last day of summer vacation). As a result, I couldn't go back to school for the 2018-2019 academic year. I wasn't going to let that get me down though. I made the decision to go through with this, so when the time came I reapplied to the University of Washington and I was accepted again. Classes start on Thursday (Sept. 26), and I couldn't be more thrilled.

Imagine sitting near some boulders on a sandy beach. Waves crash lightly upon the rocks as the sun makes its slow descent over the horizon. A camera attached to a sturdy tripod stands along the edge of the shore, pointed towards the horizon. After what seems like hours of waiting, the sun finally disappears over the horizon, leaving behind a blue hue in the soon to be night sky. The time is finally right.

There isn't a lot of time to get the desired shot, so you have to be quick and precise. The chances of catching the exact same shot on another day are slim to none. After turning the camera on, you manually adjust the lens so that the crashing waves and the blue horizon are in focus. Once you feel like everything is just right, you take a few steps back away from the tripod so that you don't accidentally bump into it. You push and hold the button on the remote trigger that is plugged into the camera, and hold your breath as you hear the sound of the shutter opening. Thirty seconds pass, and the camera clicks as you release the button.

Walking back up to the tripod, you carefully check the viewfinder on the back of the camera to see how the shot turned out. Sadly, it is hard to tell on such a tiny screen if the shot turned out well or not, so you decide to take a couple more shots just to be on the safe side before night falls upon you.

My journey into photography started the day that I stumbled upon a photography scavenger hunt on Google+. I thought that the idea sounded like a lot of fun, so I signed up. Those of us that signed up (beginners and professionals alike) were all given the same list of ten words. We were given free reign on how to interpret each word, and we were given a deadline of about two months to get all ten words finished.

My first ten entries in my first photography scavenger hunt were laughable at best. I didn't own a photography editing program (the go to program is Photoshop), and I was shooting with a point and shoot camera that my dad had given me as a birthday present one year. I didn't have any skill other than being told that I had the "eye". I had a lot of shortcomings in the beginning, but I was having so much fun that I didn't care if I was good or not.

Shortly after my second photography scavenger hunt, I bought a beginner's professional camera. I think that is when my skill as a photographer started to really improve. I started out taking pictures like this:



When I got my new camera, I was learning new skills and terms. I was able to take pictures like this:


It wasn't until my fifth round in the photography scavenger hunt that I finally managed to catch the attention of the judges (all of which were professional photographers). Ribbon won second place.



Song won third place.


My winning streak was very short lived, but the very idea that professional photographers were finally taking note of my work was amazing and thrilling. I had made it a personal challenge to be recognized by one specific judge, and I finally happened in my ninth round with an honorable mention. We were given the item Selfie: Your Opposite. What I ended up with was this:


The confidence boost from being recognized by professional photographers, and from my friends and family telling me just how good I was lead me down the path of starting my own photography business. In the end, it was a failed project, but I gained valuable experience in the long run.

In the last photography scavenger hunt that I participated in, I managed to get another honorable mention for my entry for Violet.



As my journey into the world of photography continues, I know that I will have the confidence, sooner or later, to try my hand at taking pictures during the blue hour. Until then, I'm going to try to perfect the skills I have learned up to this point.


This was taken in Florence, Italy, during the blue hour before I even knew what the blue hour was.

Brilliant lights burst and streak through the club, illuminating the fake white fog in rainbow colors. Intense dance music vibrates the walls as it rhythmically pulses throughout the room through the speakers. A sea of people crowd together on the dance floor, occasionally bumping into one another as they dance to the music. The distinct smell of sweat and perfume fills the room as the heat rises from the sheer amount of people.

Somewhere in the middle of all the people, lights, sweat, and music, a young woman breaks from her group of four, and fights her way through the crowd to the bar. With a heavy and exhausted sigh from all of the dancing, the young woman pulls herself up on the bar stool, and waves over the bartender.

"A glass of water please. It is packed tonight!" the young woman says loudly so that she can be heard over the crowd and pounding music.

"It is the last party night until school starts back up again," the bartender explained as he filled a glass with cool water, and then placed it on the bar top.

"Thanks." The young woman quickly picked up the glass, and downed the contents in a couple of gulps.

"You look like you're having a good time." A voice of a young man a couple of stools down
said.

"Huh?" she asked. "Oh..Oh, yeah," she smiled politely.

"Are you here by yourself?" he asked.

"No, my friends are out there somewhere. I just needed a little break before I joined them again," she explained. Even if she was by herself, she would have said that she was with someone just to be safe.

The young man stood and moved to sit beside the young woman. "Well, since you are taking a break, let me buy you a drink," he offered. He had a charming smile, but the young woman looked guarded at best.

"I don't know," she hesitated. "I don't really handle alcohol that well."

"Aw, come on. It is just one drink. One drink isn't going to hurt you," he explained, pressuring the young woman, just a little bit, to agree.

The young woman's eyes shifted over the crowd, desperately searching for her friends in hopes that they would see her plight. She could flat out tell the young man no, but it all ready seemed as if he had a couple of drinks in him. He was a stranger that wasn't taking her polite hint that she didn't want a drink, and she didn't know how he would react if she did tell him no.

"Well, all right. I can handle one," the young woman nervously agreed. She shifted in her seat so that her legs were facing the bar. She was hoping that the young man would pick up on her closed body language, but it was lost upon him as he ordered two shots of Crown Apple.

"So," the young man said after ordering. "What brings you out tonight? Looking for a boyfriend?"

The young woman inwardly groaned, but she put on a cheerful smile. "Hardly," she said with a laugh. "It is just a girl's night thing."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" the young man asked curiously.

"No."

"Why not? You're beautiful. A beautiful girl like you should be with someone."

"I guess I don't have time?" She hated these questions because she never knew how to answer them. Did she really need a reason to be single?

The bartender placed two shot glasses on the bar, filled with an amber liquid, in front of the young man and woman. He looked curiously at the young woman, as she was a regular, and nodded his head lightly towards the young man. She only smiled lightly in return as she felt that she still had this under control, so the bartender moved on.

The young man didn't waste any time downing the shot, and he slammed the glass down back on the bar. The young woman took a deep breath, and downed the liquid quickly before gently placing the glass back on the bar.

"Well, you seem to have time now," the young man continued. "If you are up ditching your girlfriends, why don't you and I leave this place for somewhere a little more private?"

"Ah, I don't think so," the young woman said. She had to be a little more firm with her answer.

"Why not?" the young man asked. "We're getting along, right?" His hand inched towards hers, but she quickly pulled her hand away before he could touch her.

"I'm not going to ditch my friends, so no thank you," the young woman said. She stood up from the stool, and started walking back towards the crowd. She needed to find her friends.

The young man quickly grabbed the woman's hand tightly, and pulled her back towards him. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"Hey!" the bartender yelled from behind the bar. He had been carefully watching the whole scene unfold. "She said no, man. Let her go and take a hike," he growled.

The young man looked at the bartender in annoyance, but eventually complied and let the young woman go. "Bitch," he muttered under his breath as he stood up and disappeared into the crowd.

The young woman ran her fingers through her hair, and let out a relieved sigh. "Thanks," she said gratefully.

"Yeah, no problem. You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm going to go find my friends. Thanks again," she said before she quickly fought her way through the crowd to join her friends.

Five different brands of chips, candy, and soda were scattered haphazardly throughout the tiny dorm room. Fluffy pillows covered with purple and blue pillow cases were used as cushions in the space in-between two twin sized beds. Gently used school books and notebooks with barely legible handwriting highlighted in bright neon colors lie open on the floor, but they were sorely neglected by the three young women sitting around them.

Mila was laying on her stomach with her knees bent and her feet up in the air. She had a Twizzler sticking out of her mouth as she munched on the end. Absently, she twirled a strand of her dark hair around her index finger as if she was some valley girl in Southern California. “Oh, hey!” she exclaimed suddenly. “In Professor Park’s class today, he gave us a kind of interesting scenario to think about today.”

With her hands, Mila pushed herself up and pulled her knees forward until she was sitting on her butt. “So,” she said after catching her breath from her sudden movement. “There is this runaway train barreling down the tracks towards five people that are tied up. You are near the lever that will send the train down the side track, but there is one person tied up on that track. What do you do?” she asked excitedly. It had been such an interesting conversation in class, that she was hoping that she get the same results with her friends.

Cora groaned in annoyance from where she was leaning up against one of the beds. She looked up from her phone only to roll her brown eyes in Mila’s direction. “Weren’t we supposed to figure out what take out to get?” she asked disdainfully. If the conversation wasn’t about food, then Cora obviously didn’t want to be apart of it given her snobbish attitude on the matter.

“Aww, come on, Cora. It’ll be fun!” Milla whined playfully towards her friend.

“Besides, I already place an online order to Pizza Hut,” Zoey chimed in from her sitting position on one of the purple pillows. She placed her phone on the floor near her school books. “You liked sausage, right?” She grinned ear to ear at Cora as she took the blue band around her lightly tanned wrist, and pulled her black hair up into a ponytail.

Cora clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth, and looked back down at her phone. “Whatever,” she mumbled listlessly. Secretly, she was ecstatic that she would be able to fill her belly soon with delicious pizza. “I guess,” she said slowly. “I would save the one person.” Cora didn’t much care about the scenario presented, so she simply threw out the easiest answer.

Mila shook her head in disappointment, and looked to Zoey hopefully. One of her friends would play along, right?

Zoey pursed her lips together, and she leaned back on her elbows as the scenario played out in her mind. “I only have two options, right?” she asked. “I mean, I don’t have time to try and get more help?”

“Right,” Mila said with a nod of her head. “You can either save the five people, or you can save the one person.”

“Do I know any of these people?” Zoey asked thoughtfully. “Like, is the lone person on the other track a loved one?”

“Why are you asking these questions?” Cora asked. Despite the fact that her head was buried into her phone, she was paying attention to Zoey’s and Mila’s conversation.

“Stuff like this makes a difference when it comes to saving people,” Zoey explained to Cora. “I would like to say that I would be altruistic in every scenario, but I know I probably wouldn’t be. If loved ones were involved, then I would save my loved ones over a bunch of strangers. If children were involved, then I would save the children. I don’t get the option of being a superhero, so I can’t save both.”

“I think you are just making things more complicated than they should be,” Cora said.

“Maybe,” Zoey answered, then turned back to Mila.

“Uh, well, according to Professor Park, the group of five and the one person are all adult strangers,” Mila explained with a small smile. It seemed as if she had heard all of these questions before.

“Oh, well,” Zoey paused, and took in a deep breath only to let it out slowly. “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one,” she recited. “So I would save the group of five.”

“The needs of the many…what?” Cora asked as she finally looked up to Zoey in confusion. “Who said that?”

“Spock. You know, from Star Trek?”

Cora and Mila looked bewildered for a few moments before they doubled over in laughter.

“What? It’s a good quote!” Zoey exclaimed, clearly aggravated that she was being mocked for quoting Star Trek. Thankfully, there was a knock at the door. Zoey stood up and tossed the pillow she was sitting on at Cora before she answered the door. “Pizza’s here!”

Ominous clouds reflected off the mirror like glass of the downtown skyscraper. A light drizzle saturated the pavement as reporters, photographers, and cameramen gathered around the entrance of the building. A lone podium with numerous microphones attached was position just in front of the revolving main doors. A security detail of a dozen men occupied the space between the podium and the doors. Located behind the podium stood a handsome young man in a navy blue business suit. Two equally well dressed men stood on either side of him. After clearing his throat and adjusting his matching navy blue tie, the handsome young man spoke confidently into the microphones provided to him.

“Good afternoon, and thank you for joining me today on this gloomy looking day. As all of you know, I am CEO Aiken,” he announced to his gathered guests of journalist. “Now, I want to make this short, so I’m pleased to announce that we have finally got the green light to start building our newest project. With the public’s support, I’m sure this new project will create new jobs, and it will help our fine city prosper!”

There was a smattering of applause from the crowd but it certainly didn’t compare to the enthusiasm the CEO was expressing. Despite the lack of excitement, the CEO continued dauntlessly. “I’ll take any questions that you might have.”

After a few moments of journalist clamoring to get CEO Aiken’s attention, he pointed towards an older gentleman with graying and balding hair. He looked as if he had been in the business for years. His lifeless eyes were staring down at his little notepad filled with mundane and uninspiring questions.

“When do you plan on breaking ground on this new project?”

“Ah, excellent question, reporter Jefferson,” CEO Aiken’s answered with a pleased nod of his head. “If plans run smoothly, which I have no doubts that they will, then six months from now.”

The reporters began their attention grabbing commotion once again by shouting and waving their hands in the air in hopes of gaining CEO Aiken’s precious attention. After a few seconds of feeling as if he had people bidding on him, he pointed towards an amical and cheerful middle-aged man. While he seemed to be an experienced and professional reporter, he also appeared to be on more congenial terms with the CEO.

“During construction, are you expecting any significant delays when it comes to traffic?” he asked without looking down at his empty notepad.

“With any major project, there are always some minor inconveniences, Reporter Foss,” CEO Aiken answered. “I hope that the public will be understanding during the construction period. It will be worth some minor inconveniences in the end. Next question?”

The organized chaos of journalist began pushing and shoving each other to get at CEO Aiken one last time. A pleased smiled crossed the CEO’s face, as if he was enjoying the attention, before he finally pointed towards an eager young woman in her late 20’s. She seemed surprised, but she wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to shake things up.

“Due to public outcry against this project, the building permits were delayed. Though, after a very charitable donation to Congressman Kurtz’s campaign fund, your building permits were suddenly approved. Can you confirm or deny any of this information?” the young reporter asked.

The crowd grew silent, aside from a few whispers here and there. All eyes were on CEO Aiken. For a second, the confident and composed CEO looked shocked. He quickly recovered, and charmingly smiled towards the young woman. “Public sentiment changes over time, and we have been happy to work with their support for years. We all have high hopes for what this project can and will bring to our city,” he answered smoothly. “That will be all for today. Thank you.”

CEO Aiken turned and walked away from the podium. He glanced at one of the men at his side, and asked. “Who was that woman?”

“I believe, sir, that her name is Layla Samara. She’s a relatively new journalist,” the man answered.

“Hm, remind me to extend an invitation to her to speak about her future,” CEO Aiken said as he disappeared into his building.

Reporter Samara looked down at her notepad filled with provocative questions. With a pleased smile upon her face, she wrote “no comment” next to the question she had just asked moments ago.

The warm afternoon sun plays peek-a-boo with white fluffy clouds on a beautiful spring day. The breeze rustles the newly blossomed leaves on the cottonwood tress. A large green tractor can be seen in the nearby wheat field, rolling wheat into large round bales of hay. Black and white dairy cows can be heard mooing as they wait for the farmer to feed them next door. Within a matter of minutes, dark storm clouds block out the playful sun, and threaten to disturb the peaceful environment. An angry rumble stills the heavy air before a loud clap of thunder explodes from above. Flashes of lightning strike the ground as rain furiously falls from the heavens. Despite the danger of the thunderstorm, the man in the tractor calmly finishes rolling his last bale of hay before going home. The thunder drowns out the sounds of mooing cows as they are rounded up into the dairy stables by the farmer next door.

As soon as it began, the angry little thunderstorm starts to taper off, leaving behind an eerie silence The clouds suddenly become thicker and darker as they slowly begin to swirl overhead. Tension builds within the silence as the swirling clouds form a funnel that finally touches the ground. Trees bend and break from the force of the violent winds. The ground shakes as if there was an earthquake. The sound of the cyclone is deafening as it rips through the land, destroying anything that is unlucky enough to be in its path.

After what seems like hours (even though it was only minutes)of listening to two freight trains crashing into each other, the chaos is suddenly gone. The sun tentatively peeks through the dissipating dark clouds, and life hesitantly comes out to survey the destruction the tornado left in its wake.

I grew up in central Oklahoma, and every tornado season (spring) a scene just like the one written above would happen. Actually, it would happen several times within the course of there months. I was sixteen years old when this scene played out right before my eyes.

My story actually started in my American History class. Mr. Sperry mentioned, while we were taking a break from writing notes, that it was a perfect day for tornadoes. I don't think any of us in class actually believed a tornado would hit that afternoon, but Mr. Sperry predicted the future.

After school, I went about my normal routine. I went home, threw my homework on the kitchen table, and joined my dad in the living room for eating dinner and watching afternoon cartoons. Once dinner was done, my dad took a nap, and I finished watching the cartoons before I moved into the game room to do whatever. I'm not exactly sure how I managed to get glued to news channel 9, but I remember watching the storm form on T.V. eighty miles southwest of where I lived. I watched as the tornado first formed, and I watched as it grew and left a massive path of destruction as it crashed right towards me.

A hour and a half before the tornado hit, I was in panic mode. We didn't have a basement or cellar, so the safest place in the house was in the closet underneath the staircase. The problem with that was that the closet was used for storage, so I cleaned out the closet like I was some sort of mad woman. My dad, on the other hand, was sitting calmly on the couch in the living room, watching news channel 9 (Gary England) tell us over and over again that we would not survive this tornado unless we were underground.

Ten minutes before the tornado hit, my dad finally decided that we needed to leave the house completely (by that point I was comfortably waiting for my doom in the closet underneath the staircase). Our across the street neighbor, Larry, had a cellar so we jumped into my dad's work van, drove to Larry's home, and piled into his cellar along with fifteen other people and someone's small annoying lap dog. I was crying because I was so terrified. My dad was still the calmest man alive, and Larry was busy trying to tell me that this was nothing more than a grand adventure (no, it wasn't).

By the time the tornado hit, it was over a mile wide. It had surpassed the highest ranking for tornadoes (F5), and the winds were over three hundred miles per hour. It was probably one of the loudest things I ever had to hear, and I had my ears covered. When I said that it sounded as if two freight trains were crashing into each other, I meant it. While it seemed much longer, it only lasted about three minutes. The tornado moved on to more populated areas.

During the chaos, a tree was knocked over by the powerful winds on top of the cellar door. Larry and my dad managed to squeeze out. With the help of some other people, they were able to pry the tree off the door so that the rest of us could get out. I couldn't wait for my dad as he was helping other people, so I walked home only to be reunited with my mom and my animals.

In the end, my mom, dad, and I were lucky. We lost part of the roof, a lot of the siding, some windows, and the foundation to the house was cracked. My aunt and uncle lost their home completely, their cars were wrapped around trees, and they even lost a dog. The important thing is that we all survived.

May 3rd, 1999. I survived the largest tornado in Oklahoma history.