You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love, is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact, that when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it a contradiction - the attempt to return to the past, and the attempt to undo the past. Exit 438 Rose Avenue US 24, I-70 frontage Rest area, Colorado welcome center Exit 437 US 385, Lincoln Street Exit 429 Bethune Exit 419 Colorado Avenue, County Road 30 Exit 412 Country Road 24 From the place of your birth, to the ends of the earth I've searched only to find Address unknown Exit 405 Colorado 59 Seibert Exit 395 Flagler Exit 383 Ariba Exit 371 Hugo Genoa Exit 363 Limon, Colorado 71 Exit 361 Limon Exit 359 Limon Exit 354 Limon Exit 348 Cedar Point Exit 340 Colorado 40, Colorado 106 Exit 336 Lowland Exit 328 Deer Trail Exit 322 Peoria Exit 316 US 36 East, Byers Exit 310 Strasberg Exit 306 15th Avenue, US 36 West Exit 304 Colorado 79 North, Bennett Exit 299 Manilla Road Exit 295 Watkins Exit 292 US 36 East, Airpark Road Exit 289 Fort Collins Exit 288 I-70 Bus West, US 40 West, Colfax Ave. Exit 286 Tower Road Exit 285 North Airport Boulevard Exit 285 South Airport Boulevard I think he's losin' his mind I think he lost his mind! Exit 283 Chambers Road Exit 282 I-225 Exit 282 I-225 South, Peoria St. Colorado Springs Aurora Exit 280 Havana Street Exit 279 Central Park Boulevard Exit 278 Quebec Street Northfield Exit 276 Monoco Street, Holly Street, Dahlia Street Exit 276 B Colorado 2, Colorado Boulevard, US 6 East, US 85 North Exit 276 A Steele Street, Vasquez Boulevard Exit 275 B Colorado 265, Brighton Boulevard, Colliseum, Coors Field Exit 275 A Washington Street Exit 274 I-25 Colorado Springs His arms aren't here to hold me tight Don't like forsaken dreams Exit 273 Pecos Street Exit 272 US 287, Federal Boulevard Exit 271 Lowell Boulevard, Tennyson Street Exit 271A Colorado 95, Sheridan Boulevard Exit 270 Harlan Street Exit 269A Colorado 121 Wadsworth Boulevard Exit 267 Kipling Street, Colorado 391 Exit 266 Colorado 72, Ward Road, West 44th Avenue Exit 265 Colorado 58 Exit 264 West 32nd Avenue Exit 263 Denver West Colorado Mills Parkway Exit 262 US 40 West, West Colfax Avenue, US 6 Exit 260 Colorado 470 Exit 259 Jefferson County Road 93 Exit 256 Lookout Mountain Exit 254 Genessee Park Exit 252 Colorado 74, Evergreen Parkway Exit 248 Beaver Brook Floyd Hill Exit 244 US 6 East, Golden Exit 243 Hidden Valley, Central City Exit 241A Colorado Boulevard Exit 241B Idaho Springs Exit 240 Colorado 103, Mount Blue Sky Exit 239 Idaho Springs Exit 238 Fall River Road Exit 235 Dumont Allies the whole wide world 'round Exit 234 Downieville, Lawson Exit 232 US 40 East, Empire, Granby Exit 228 Georgetown Exit 226 Silver Plume Exit 221 Bakerville Exit 218 Exit 216, US 6 West, Loveland Pass I am nobody I am nothing Exit 205 Colorado 9 North, US 6 East, Silverthorne, Dillon I have nothing I will never be anything Exit 203 Colorado 9 South, Frisco, Breckenridge Exit 201 Main Street, Frisco Exit 198 Officer's Gulch Exit 195 Colorado 91 South, Copper Mountain, Leadville Exit 190 Vail Pass Rest Area Exit 180 Vail East Entrance Exit 176 Vail Exit 173 Vail Exit 171 US 6 West, US 24 Minturn, Leadville Exit 169 US 6 East Exit 168 Avon Exit 167 Avon Exit 163 Bear Creek Road, Edwards Access Road Exit 157 Colorado 131 North, Wolcott, Steamboat Springs Exit 147 Eagle County Regional Airport, Eagle Exit 140 Gypsum Exit 143 Dotsero Exit 129 Bear Ranch No! No! No! No! Exit 121 Grizzly Creek Exit 119 No Name Exit 116 Colorado 82 East, Glenwood Springs, Aspen Exit 114 West Glenwood Springs Exit 109 US 6, Chacra, New Castle Exit 105 New Castle Exit 97 US 6, Silt Kill me! Kill me now! I want to die! I want to die! Exit 94 Garfield County Airport Road Shoot me in the head! Kill me! Exit 90 Colorado 13 North, Rifle, Meeker Exit 87 US 6 Exit 81 Roulison I want to die! Exit 75 Parachute, Battlement Mesa Exit 62 Debeque Exit 49 Colorado 65 Exit 44 Palisade Exit 42 Palisade Exit 37 I-70 Business Loop Exit 31 Horizon Drive Exit 28 24th Road, Redlands Parkway Exit 26 US 6 West, US 50 Exit 19 Colorado 340, US 6 East, Fruita Exit 15 Colorado 139 North, Loma, Rangely Exit 11 Mack Exit 2 Rabbit Valley

None of my friends wished me a happy birthday. Most of my family did, but none of my friends did. I remember their birthdays, and I remember to tell them, sometimes for multiple years in a row. But I guess I don't mean as much to them. My entire life, I don't know if anyone has ever really liked me. I would get in trouble almost every year of elementary school, and be sent to the principal's office, simply for saying strange or inappropriate things. First grade, second grade, fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade seventh grade. Teachers were often aggressive towards me, making me feel stupid, discouraging me from learning, and making an example out of me for my classmates, and this continued through high school. My parents, at least for a few years, were much more cruel and vicious towards me than the teachers were. They were in denial about what I really was, what I really am, they ignored the advice and suggestions of multiple licensed professionals. If I got poor grades, I would be made to read random textbooks and novels as punishment, and I was expected to retain and regurgitate them. It was as if my parents were making up for lost time. I was threatened with physical punishment if my grades dropped below a certain point. If I had a dream, an aspiration, or a life goal for myself, and I told either of my parents about it, they would immediately dismiss it or shit on it, telling me the reasons why it's not a good goal to have, and making me feel stupid for wanting to be such a thing. I remember having a girlfriend in fifth grade, and in seventh grade, after that, every time I asked out a girl, I was rejected. They probably talked to each other to warn each other about what a creep I was, can I blame them? Maybe it's better I don't talk to anyone, considering the more I talk to people, the more they understand what a sick and strange person I am, and the more trouble I get myself into. To this day I don't know what anyone thinks about me, or says about me behind my back, but I can't imagine it's very nice. I always knew there was something wrong with me, something different about me, but I never knew exactly what it was. But I knew it was something bad, shameful, and I knew it made me deficient in some way, even as a child.

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I would love to get away with acting like that, and not get punched in the face. The world really does work differently for different people, it works much differently for me especially than everyone else. People who are actually suicidal do not go around broadcasting this to all of their friends, trying to get attention - it could be considered a form of emotional abuse. All I ever wanted was to have friends. I knew that if I ever did have friends, I would be nice to them, I would help them out, I would try to understand them. He knew about my trusting nature and understood this, and took advantage of this, and exploited me, getting me to do things for him. How many Erases Eraser albums did he appear on, four or five? How many of his albums did he invite me to appear on? One, literally only one. There are several people out there for whom his first name is a trigger - something that would upset them and force them to relive the trauma and abuse he inflicted on them. If they have to talk about him at all, they will not say his name. There are likely more people who want him to kill himself than there are people who do not. He is not above lying. He tells you lies because he thinks it’s okay, he lies to you about everything he thinks he can, so that you will react in the way that he wants and feel sorry for him. I wonder how many women he has manipulated and abused since the last time I talked to him. Every narcissist behaves in the same way, because it’s like they went to Narcissism University and were all taught by the same professor. I am aware I am feeding his pathological and irrepressible need for conflict and drama, but I don’t care, it’s not like he can say anything worse about me than he already has. He used to talk shit about me and my music behind my back, while we were still friends. He used me, manipulated me, took advantage of me, and then turned me into a joke. Don’t tell lies about me, and I won’t tell the truth about you. You can’t go around abusing, manipulating, exploiting, and traumatizing people and act like you’re an innocent victim and everyone’s out to get you. Despite knowing all of this, the narcissist’s flying monkeys still prefer him to me. I would rather have nobody and be alone, than have one friend who acts like that. He sees his friends, not as individual complex human beings, but as extensions of himself. If you show too much autonomy and individuality, or question any of the series of lies he has told you, he will discard you. I witnessed many of his past relationships, if anyone is a complete misogynist who sees women as objects, it’s this guy - he would objectify, dominate, control, and abuse his girlfriends verbally and emotionally, and they would talk to me for emotional support after he discarded them. He can’t stand it when anyone speaks to him with the same lack of respect he speaks to them. He would post his dick and his self-harm scars on Facebook and then slap me on the wrist for making a song that is “inappropriate” or offensive, as if he were the king of appropriate and the arbiter of all morality. It’s not just us that he lies to, he lies to himself, he tells himself a narrative about his life that is loosely based on but not fully in alignment with reality, and he forces this narrative on his friends. As soon as you question his narrative or his portrayal of himself, you become the enemy. It’s not that he doesn’t have feelings, it’s that he thinks nobody else has feelings except him. He is not capable of love. This is admissible evidence in a court of law, if you ever catch me hanging out with or talking to or voluntarily associating with that guy, I give you full permission to kill me. If anyone likes someone like me that much after meeting me one time, that is a red flag. As broken and damaged as I am, I still think I came out on top, because my album is full of bangers and his sucks. It might look like he’s doing well on his Facebook, but narcissists are masters of making themselves look great on social media; I promise you he is smoking meth under a bridge. I hope you die alone. Me me me It's all about me You exist to serve me Fuck you Jaden To that I say, good evening!