i never went anywhere, i just had a snowball's chance in hell to voice what's going on.
what's going on all around.
and i still can't articulate it fully for now, know this: my shit is packed, i have a new passport, and i'm going back.
i have to try.
what's going on all around.
and i still can't articulate it fully for now, know this: my shit is packed, i have a new passport, and i'm going back.
i have to try.
it will probably come as no surprise to anyone that i moved to the castro. every aspect of moving to SF was so world-bendingly, enormously hard that when someone said to me, "hey, i think you'd like the castro." i latched onto the idea with six-inch long talons and never let go. it was something solid to work toward, at least, when so much was contained within dozens of little balls i was frantically juggling. SF smells strange but i've acclimated. it's like another planet, with all it's fucking hills and fucking 1940s horror-movie fog that hovers in the air like some kind of god damn poisonous cloud. the tolls are a bitch, the traffic's obscene, and i fucking miss my Cadillac.
but it isn't LA. the sun shines differently here, and fuck you if you laugh at me for saying so.
no one told me about Taiji. i found out on my own in the afternoon after getting home from running along the warf. i never wanted to become someone who runs along warfs. i switched on my mac to check my email and Google alerts saw to it that i hadn't missed anything.
but it isn't LA. the sun shines differently here, and fuck you if you laugh at me for saying so.
no one told me about Taiji. i found out on my own in the afternoon after getting home from running along the warf. i never wanted to become someone who runs along warfs. i switched on my mac to check my email and Google alerts saw to it that i hadn't missed anything.
i'm sorry.
there's a crevasse that stabs down deep in the earth, a million miles wide. i can not cross it without rending my mind and body to shreds. this makes the person on the other side about as unreachable as the sun. even if i did manage it, somehow, someday, i'd probably be reduced to ash in a millisecond.
there's a crevasse that stabs down deep in the earth, a million miles wide. i can not cross it without rending my mind and body to shreds. this makes the person on the other side about as unreachable as the sun. even if i did manage it, somehow, someday, i'd probably be reduced to ash in a millisecond.
regret?
i had never felt that distance so profoundly until that afternoon. it drove me from Japan, it drove me from LA, and it is a constant malignant weight on my mind. when i read that Taiji was gone, that gap shrank down to a finely concentrated chasm that would plummet me into the center of the earth if i fell in. i could see the whites of your eyes from my side of it, but i still could not cross.
i had never felt that distance so profoundly until that afternoon. it drove me from Japan, it drove me from LA, and it is a constant malignant weight on my mind. when i read that Taiji was gone, that gap shrank down to a finely concentrated chasm that would plummet me into the center of the earth if i fell in. i could see the whites of your eyes from my side of it, but i still could not cross.
the what-ifs will stay with me but never as long as your memory. i'm sorry. and you're gone.
everybody at TZ has been cool about my absence, but there's no business like show business, and August 1 i gotta go back. just as well. i don't want them thinking they could replace my ass. not after everything i went through to get here.
everybody at TZ has been cool about my absence, but there's no business like show business, and August 1 i gotta go back. just as well. i don't want them thinking they could replace my ass. not after everything i went through to get here.
startling as fuck, seeing a bright, leaf-green propel station on the side of the street. it was the grand opening or something, from what i could tell of the large group of people clapping, all happy to support biodiesel. meanwhile, i'm driving my beast of a Cadillac convertable right on by, shoulders hunched, irony crawling all over the scene.
not sure how much longer i can cope with the gnawing, animalistic GUILT racking my skeleton with every passing thought of the sludge filling up the gulf when i have this gas-guzzling baby girl under my ass.
not my Eldorado. this is what wikipedia had to offer, since most of my pictures are on a dead laptop atm. mine is white, not red.
there's no converting it to electric or biodiesel, not that i know of. if there is and i'm ill-informed, i reckon it probably costs some unsightly amount of money. i have to face the music about some things, though it's kinda been my style to ignore anything that i didn't like the smell of. the sum i can get for her... something crazy-high, most likely. principal of the thing, you know. i know.
but, i'm not buying a fucking prius. god dammit anyway.
not sure how much longer i can cope with the gnawing, animalistic GUILT racking my skeleton with every passing thought of the sludge filling up the gulf when i have this gas-guzzling baby girl under my ass.
not my Eldorado. this is what wikipedia had to offer, since most of my pictures are on a dead laptop atm. mine is white, not red.
there's no converting it to electric or biodiesel, not that i know of. if there is and i'm ill-informed, i reckon it probably costs some unsightly amount of money. i have to face the music about some things, though it's kinda been my style to ignore anything that i didn't like the smell of. the sum i can get for her... something crazy-high, most likely. principal of the thing, you know. i know.
but, i'm not buying a fucking prius. god dammit anyway.
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hroA8GPVMZVXVml4WRJU3bTAV-pwD9G7M96O1
a photographer dove into the water to photograph the Deepwater Horizon spill from a different perspective.
this is south of me, this carnage.
a photographer dove into the water to photograph the Deepwater Horizon spill from a different perspective.
this is south of me, this carnage.
love isn't real.
hide: you are getting your dick sucked.
hide: diff.
hide: chigau.
Imai: i am going to fuck him after
hide: how hum-drum.
Imai: fuck encompasses a lot darling
hide: don't fucking call me darling while you're getting your dick sucked that is sick.
Imai: darling
hide: i fucking hate you.
hide: diff.
hide: chigau.
Imai: i am going to fuck him after
hide: how hum-drum.
Imai: fuck encompasses a lot darling
hide: don't fucking call me darling while you're getting your dick sucked that is sick.
Imai: darling
hide: i fucking hate you.
"this journal has been deleted and purged."
i really shouldn't give a shit, but i really give a shit.
god damn you.
i really shouldn't give a shit, but i really give a shit.
god damn you.
what a cocksucker.
i need a cigarette (shit) and a KMFDM album. i am not at home, so GaGa will have to do.
i need a cigarette (shit) and a KMFDM album. i am not at home, so GaGa will have to do.
it's my day to pick the music in the salon, as we rotate for fairness. i've been feeling particularly stupid lately and had a bug up my ass to listen to The Cure. working with a lot of trendy-wendy 20-somethings (Irene, Freddie and myself being the oldest) a lot of my cohorts had not had the pleasure of this particular shit filling up their ears.
we use a laptop to play the music from the back. not having a CD on me, i decided to utilize the glory of IMEEM.
i entered this:
i should be fired from being alternative for this.
we use a laptop to play the music from the back. not having a CD on me, i decided to utilize the glory of IMEEM.
i entered this:
i should be fired from being alternative for this.
- Current Music:The Cure - The Only One
Comments
pretty soon i am going to dive under
and plug that mother fucking hole
myself