drunkenfop

I've just gone back and read all my old posts, and some of the memorys they brought back made me decide to write this post. It is, in essence, one great big THANK YOU to all the wonderful people on live journal who I really don't say it enough too, If I haven't spoken to you in a while then please don't misinterpret my lazyness as me forgetting you or disliking you!

Ok, and now, in the order in which you appear on my freindslist:

brokenophelia - Oh you fabulous, Fascinating person! Your sometimes short and often quirky posts have brightened up many a dull day for me you know, I found you completely by accident when looking for broken_ophelia and it's one of those happy mistakes I've not yet regretted. I've read about your highs, your lows, seen your pictures and loved your poetic style, you are a delight to know! Thank you!

clarey_h - The fic clarey the fic! You are one of the people I associate mainly with the joy that is Life on Mars, as I seem to recall you being on the comm with me since the earliest days (when having a hundred members seemed like a mighty triumph ;) ). I ADORE your fic! simply adore it! Also, your colourful posts and generosity with feedback are always a joy! Thank you!

ginnystar - Again, you are somone who I met via Life on Mars, and as neither of us post on our lj's that often I don't talk to you as much as I'd like to, but the times when I have had the pleasure of chatting with you have proved repeatedly that you are a wondrefully fun person who can see Ray's blatant lust for Chris, which is of course vital knowledge! Thank you!

glam_rok_whore - Graham my Darling, I love you beyond words (as well you know). You have given me confidence, fun, a partner in crime ;), and a companion who I know will last a life time, so when we're old (and still fabulous) you and I will be wandering the streets together perving on the young blood and bitching about Raymond! Thank you!

hyujin - We haven't spoken in a rediculous amount of time, and for that I'd like to apologise. In fact it's been so long that I don't know if you'll even bother reading this, but if you do I just want to thank you immediately for just being such a wonderful freind to me! I truly miss our days RPing together on yaoirose, but I'll always be greatful for having the known you. Thank you so much.

kat_lair - Ahh! My porn writing partner! It would take me far too long to thank you properly for writing "To Have And To Hold Down", so I'll try and keep to the non-porn aspects of what I like about you! Your open-ness, your confidence, your PORN (I'm sorry, I just can't get away from how good it is!). I will eventually write you that Sam/Gene, but until then I only hope that my dearest affection and gratitude is enough! Thank you!

zehavit_lamasu - Lamasu! If I was to write down all the things I'm greatful to you for then this would become one incredibly long post, so I'll try and sum it up, for the night when I first met you and thought you were a cosplayer, for hanging our on yaoirose and RPGing obsessively with me, for having the best birthday ever ;), for being constantly ballsy and funny and independant, for supporting me more times than I've counted...well, the list could go on, I know this probably sounds like shameless gushing, but you've been a true role model to me, and I will always be greatful to you for that. Thank you.

Hey all, is today the day that many a person is deleting their account in favour of allowing breast feeding icons as default? I probably would too except that I don't care enough about LJ politics. Also, dude 666! I know it's really obvious and no one needed it pointing out to them, but still. I decided to postpone my satanist celebrations until after I find out whether I've got a job as an Evangelical Christian (Yes I know how strange this sounds coming from a bisexual perv with a fondness for Gay Porn, but I applied anyway and have been lurking by the telephone all day to find out if my interview skillz payed off. I am also quite worried.)

Anywho, that's about it...

About five days ago my beloved sister coerced me into watching the coen brothers "O brother where art thou?", and since then I've seen it no less than five times. A lot of people don't like it as much as their other work, but right now I'm thinking It might actually be my favourite film. It's no where near their other films in terms of violence (of which it has next to none) but the directing is beautiful, the script is clever and funny, and the whole thing ends up being exciting, playful, and utterly heartwarming.


And of course, just gay enough for me to shamelessly slash the three stars.

and hopefully get Sarah to make me icons of Pete and Delmar holding hands.

Title: Brett Sinclair: Master Seamstress
Fandom: The Persuaders
Disclaimer: not mine.

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Just a quick note to say sorry to the various people I owe fics too, It's been a somwhat hectic easter which hasn't been helped by my addictive personality combined with the imfamous "Oblivion: The Elder Scrolls". Fic will come to you eventually, I promise!

Warning: Angst ahoy.

Bad things people, bad things, I realize I haven't posted here in a stupid amount of time, but sometimes you just need to get things off your chest and well, this is the place to do it.

About a week ago I got a positive diagnosis for polycystic ovary syndrome, don't worry, it's nothing lethat, just bloody inconvenient. It pretty much means that I need my periods to be induced by taking the pill, the symptoms include excessive hair, bad skin, trouble conceiving, obesity, and it's linked to diabetes and insulin problems. Back when I got natural periods, I used to spend about four days a month feeling broody, introspective, and generally depressed, I wasn't one of those women who get angry. Right now I've been taking the pill for just over a week and I'm feeling really, really, depressed.

Generally speaking I've always had a pretty positive body image, I have no delusions about the way I look in that I know I'm fat but I also know I'm not ugly, I have some spots but my hair is wonderful, there are good and bad things about my appearence and I know that. But now that I've found out that my weight problem is linked to this stupid condition, It's like I'm suddenly angry at myself because when people look at a fat girl they don't think "Oh dear, that looks like polycycstic ovary syndrome to me", they think that she's lazy, or greedy, or lives an unhealthy lifestyle, and while I do eat well I don't gorge myself or binge eat and I do at least half an hour of dancing every day on top of a lesson on monday and fencing on thursday.

I know that I shouldn't care how other people perceive me and by and large I don't, but I cant help but feel that without this stupid bloody condition I could have actually been sexy, and before one of my wonderful freinds insists that I am sexy, I don't mean in my attitude or personality, I mean judging by purely superficial attitudes imposed by society that I really shouldn't give a damn about but do. At the end of the day people are infulenced by the way you look, and like I said, I know how I look.
Another big part of it is that I want it to be entirely my fault, because I hate people who make excuses for themselves, I don't care if you're fat because you eat ten pies a day or because you have some severe glandular disorder, it's your body and you have to spend the rest of your life living in it so don't feel like you have to apologise for it being a certain way just because the world looks down on it. In my case, it is possible for me to lose weight still, and I know that, I just don't like to admit that the chips were stacked against me on this because it feels like I'm doing something that I hate in other people.

For the first time in my life I feel like I hate my body.

Not in a "OMG IM SOOOOOOO UGLI!!!1" kinda way, more in a "you stupid fucking bastard, what is it about hitting puberty that made you want to turn against me?" kinda way. I feel like I've betrayed myself, like I'm defective, and I hate it.

The pill also is a source of joy to me, if I don't take it then layers of bolld will build up in my womb and could eventually give me cancer, but by taking it I am increasing my likelihood of getting a different kind of cancer. and then there's the happy increased risk of diabetes developing due to stupid hormonal imbalances and thank, fucking, GOD, that male patten baldness is not an issue within my family.

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, the words "all will be well and all manner of things will be well" across the small of my back, it's a quote from julian of norwitch and my Grandfather used to say it often before he died. I want to brand this defective body as my own, to assert some controle over it and beleive that in the end all really will be well. Just right now I'm not feeling it...

I got accepted into art college! Yes I most certainly did despite being a bit naff at art because the guy was all,

"well ideally people on the course would have better marks than you,"

(mine was an E, marked up from a U.)

"but it's not fair to rely solely on the grades, because people excell at different aspects in Art, and you may be more interested in the thought and concept behind work than in drawing bits of fruit and making sure everything fits into their specification."

And then when he looked at my portfolio he was all,

"your work has a very lyrical quality to it,"

and

"You can always work on improving technique, but not everyone puts this much thought into their work"

And I was all like,

"yes, yes, that's right, of course" *shifty eyes*

Because in reality, I am a pillar of lazy! and put no thought at all into my work and just like drawing naked ladies and the what not, but he still let me in! the fool! *dances the interview guy*

So anyway, clearly this was all thanks to my wonderful friend Tristan Brady, who has been a constant source of inspiration to me over the years and I suspect will one day incubate my spawn for me.

I have writers block like you wouldn't believe, and this makes me very sad, I'm literally sitting at the keyboard trying to make myself write something and words won't come! and when they do come I have to get rid of them because they are of such woeful crapness....*cries*

And listening to "Hey Jude" over and over is not helping apparently, although I can't figure out why...

Reading my old entries makes me chuckle, all the ones I can see are teeny three line things about being stoned, nervous about exams, and my AMAZING community of angst with one whole post to it's name (made by yours truly of course ;) ) and one member other than myself who just happened to be the lovely Lamasu and may have joined to make me feel better!

Anyway, after much laziness I have returned to live-journal, with all new icons (made by the unbelievably shiny nerdcakes!) and a TERRIBLE CRIPPLING ILLNESS OMG! *dies of sore throat*

Yes. In short, I return.

Plus, omg sea of souls is so much love!

1. First Name? Catherine
2. Were you named after anyone? no
3. Do you wish on stars? I may have done in the past...
4. When did you last cry? probably listening to a song or something
5. Do you like your hand writing? Hell no!
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? ham :)
7.What is your birth date? 19 june 88
8.What is your most embarrassing CD? The one my band made two years ago O.o
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? heh, not just friends, I'd be sleeping with me XD
10.Are you a daredevil? can be ;)
11. Do looks matter? I don't know.
12. How do you release anger or frustration? i cry and I drink.
13. Where is your second home? Janes house, booze weed and friendship...
14. Do you trust others easily? I'm an idiot, so yes.
15. What was your favorite toy as a child? A wrecked bear called pinkie that used to be my mothers.
16. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? PSHE
17 Do you have a journal? only on-line
18. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I don't know
19. What are your nicknames? Cath, Cat, Catatron (don't ask), Moth, Earth, Drunkenfop,
20. Would you bungee jump? I think so....
21. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Never
22. Do you think that you are strong? yes, but right now I think I'm also kidding myself about a lot of stuff...
23. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? chocolate + mint
24. Shoe Size? 9 - 10
25. red or pink? red
26. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? my weight.
27. Who do you miss most? Charlie, I never really talk to him anymore....
28. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? stole it from placebollis, so no.
29. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Skirt and barefoot. white knickers though.
30. What are you listening to right now? the fan on my sisters laptop and my fingers on the keys and my dad eating cereal in the next room.
31. Last thing you ate? yogart.
32. If you were a color what would you be? Green.
33. What is the weather like right now? Dark and outside. therefore not my problem.
34. Last person you talked to on the phone? Graham
35. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? hair
36. Do you like the person who sent this to you? i like the person I stole it from lots...
37. Favorite Drink? Absinthe
38. Favorite Sport? poker's a sport...kinda...
39. Hair Color? red with roots.
40. Eye Color? greeny blueish
42. Favorite Food? Dunno, pasta maybe.
43. Last Movie You Watched? Whose line is it anyway, enought episodes to add up to a marathon of films.
44. Favorite Day Of The Year? depends on what happens in the year...
45. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? scary
46. Summer Or Winter? Winter.
47. Hugs OR Kisses? I don't know, I'll go with hugs.
48. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? profitterolls.
49. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? graham.
50. Least Likely To Respond? sally
51. What Books Are You Reading? Poker books, blackjack books, just finnished confessions of an ugly stepsister and it's utterly heartbreaking.
52.What's On Your Mouse Pad? a freaking mouse, what else?
53. Last night on TV? CSI
54. Favorite Smells? Lemon, Weed, Apples.
55. Favorite Sounds? Acoustic guitar, singing (earthy tones please, I'm not in the mood for opera right now...)
56.Rolling Stones or Beatles ? Stones.
57. Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism? Evolution.
58. What's the furthest you've been from home? Venice probably, but I don't know...longest flight was florida...
59. Do you talk to God? I used to, gave up when I didn't get any answers. Thanks God.

ugh...