ME's Journal
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, November 4, 2007
2:14PM
I'm really never on here anymore ...
I should be doing some reading because I would like to go to Chris's to watch the games tonight .. I'm excited for the Colts and Pats game :-)
Things are okay .. i've decided I hate medication it just makes me more sick, but other than that things are good.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
7:22PM - head is spinning
i feel like i'm trying to do too much again which i am working on, but if i don't i don't feel like myself. so i'm trying to balance school, homework, work, dance co, escape velocity, night dance classes, pledging, friends, catching up with old friends, and george. i'm sick right now which sucks, i feel like i spend most of my day in bed, and all i want right now is to want to go to the gym. i really need to go and work on my conditioning, i need to lose weight (and it sucks when you here that from the doc when you already know yourself). it hurt hearing that, that's the last thing i wanted to hear. i don't consider my self skinny, but i don't feel really fat, i mean i know i'm overweight but i never thought the doctor would tell me that. so this means i need to lose weight, (i hate knee doctors). so that should motivate me to go to the gym, but it def hasn't. i haven't been once since i started this semester. and i only have one dance class, granted it's intense, but still it's not the same as the three i had before. i guess i just really need to make time and go, but i don't really have time. i like to go when it's almost empty since i'm slightly self conscience. but i have to go to a middle school and observe classes tues and thurs which is when i had the free time to go. ugh
anywho i guess what's really on my mind right now is my relationship. we've been through so much but there's some big steps ahead of us. i met him about 11 months ago, it seems so much long at times, yet shorter at other times. and the sad thing is i can't really say how long we've been in a relationship for . . . possible beginning of september . . . but then we kinda didn't talk for a while, then we started again, then he moved to calif and didn't tell me, then i thought he was cheating on his ex with me . . but i dont' know . . i'm so confused with this. he's in school, and i'm in school. he's looking for a job. and i just don't have the money to always drive to see him . . . he doesn't have a car let alone money right now. then i'm done school and either home for the summer or moving into an apartment/house . . and he leaves may 21st . . for 13 weeks. (bootcamp) he's going to change so much then, and i just don't think i'm going to be good enough for him, plus i'm so much younger, which was never an issue before but now he's starting he career and going to moving either in us or possibly iraq . . . he says he's fine with the age thing and that i'm too good for him and not to worry about it but i do. however when i'm with him it's just right. even when we're on opposite ends of the couch doing homework (we're such losers) then we get to just lay with eachother and stare into eachother eyes . .it's perfect . . but when he's not around i worry. he always tells me to stop and i worry too much. the only thing he's ever worried about that i know is . . his bro, his dad . . and me (my heart issue, adam, jp, stress). i want to not worry but i can't. i hate crying infront of people, but last week when he had the big discussion on what's going to happen after/during boot . i cried, i felt like a dork, but i did. i couldn't help it. he understood way and kissed my tears away. then we were talking online the other day and i was on the verge of tears. i just get so upset and i don't know why.
what am i thinking . . why am i with him??? he's leaving again . . . then coming back for 10 days then leaving for mos training then either going to iraq or a base. he made me promise to write him while he's away because he said he's going to write me. he's going to try to call but he doesn't have a cell phone anymore. i'm basically his only support in this. he's just so happy/nervous about it. but i feel like us staying together is so unrealistic . . i'm 18 almost 19 . . how can i be with someone who's leaving. i'm here i'm not moving my life for him. and he knows that. when he's on a base someone in the us he said he's going to fly me out to see him and on his leave he's going to come see me, but how the hell will that work? i feel like it might be better (and less heartbreak) to just be friends, but i can't see myself just being friends with him . . i'm so stressed out about this.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
12:09PM
who do you believe one of your best friends (whom you don't speak with anymore) or your boyfriend???
i can't trust either, but i want to trust both. . . . why are their stories so different??
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
9:54PM
wow i don't remember the last time i was on this, i guess it's been awhile. so here's the up date. ;m in COLLEGE ahh that's scary. GO UC BEARS (ursinus baby!) so you kno wi always knew in the back of my mind that i'd go to college but i'm here and in classes and living wih 2 yes yes two, other girls and on a quiet floor. i know my quiet never. but the whole dorm here is quiet around where i am which kindof sucks, because my roommates don't talk much and we wouldn't really be friends outside of living together. we're very different. i just feel like i don't fit in with these people so i go over to the guys wing and hang out with them and they come over here to bring some excitement into my room. it's fun and all but it's werid i never really thought about being in college and away from home. i talked to my mom since saturday when she stopped by. i figured i would be calling her all the time, but i haven't. it's nice to be on my own i def don't want to move back home, but i want to find people who are more loose and talkative. i feel bad because i leave the room most of the night and hang out with people then come back and do my homework. well they both are in bed by 11. Umm i'm usually not home by them. so i feel bad that i come back and work while they're asleep.
Then there's the whole guy situation whhich isn't suprising considered that i'm a jerk magnet. oh well. it eill all wok out one way or the other, i just might have to kill someone.
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
2:02PM
Wow i don't think i ever use Livejournal anymore. So i figured while i was bored at work i could give a quick little update. Nothing going on here though. Guard is almost over. I dont know whether to be happy or sad about that. Well i should type my theme that's due tomorrow.
Monday, August 15, 2005
4:26PM - Lost . . .
Recently I've been feeling lost and alone. I have no idea what is gong to happen to me after June. It's scary I will admit, but I'm looking forward to it and dreading it. I don't know what I am going to do with my life after school. I always thought that I would be a psychologist, but it just doesn't seem right for me anymore. So I guess I'm looking into other things. I'm so lost with my life. This summer has really screw me up. I have a different look on things, which is werid.
I feel alone now. I on'y feel close to a few people now, which is good because I know I can totally trust them, but then it's like where did the other ones go? I feel like I have lost a few of my close friends, to jobs, girlfriends/boyfriends, lack of time, not seeing eachother, other commitments, other people . . . . yeah . . . so I don't really know. I just don't know if I changed and that's way people don't seem to like me as much anymore or what.
Well I've got somethings I have to do . . . yeah I have a life . . and it's not work for once.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
10:36PM
I;ve had a pretty crappy past couple of days. Things just don't like to go right for me. I'm hanging in there. I'm trying to keep busy. That's the way I deal with death. People die in threes . . . so I'm wondering who's next . .. it was Frank, my great grandma and now who>> it's werid but people do die in threes. okay so that's not a great way to look at things.
anywho . . . . summer has been alright. it's had it;s ups and downs. I have to do that math packet thingy one of these days. I've been working a lot, good thing because now I have to put out money for my bumper (stupid lady who hit me). Long story. I'm not working like a crazy woman this week. Basically only at Home Goods, but NWIM when I feel like it. no disneys events though (tear).
that's all for now I guess. My life has been eventful, but I highy doubt anyone reads this anyways.
Peace out A-town down
WHAT?!?! - that's hallelujah in the hood - guess you had to watch that speaker .. . oh well . just think I'm werid
Friday, July 22, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
5:32PM - Decisions
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
It kindof sucks that I have to make this decision now I can't decide. I know what I want to do, but I know what is better for other people. The one is filled with drama and headaches and the other one is happiness and exercise. Hrmmm . . . .
I know which would look better for certain colleges, but I know what will help me out with stuff I hope to do in college.
I think I know what I am doing but I don't know if I am guts enough to do it. I'm going to be letting people down.
Sorry to the people I'm letting down but I've wanted to do this for a while now
Sunday, June 12, 2005
9:52PM
Happy!!! not sure why, but with all the things that are annoying me now I am surprisingly happy!!!
Thursday, June 9, 2005
2:56PM
Last Full Day of School!!!
I can't wait until summer. It should be flippin sweet.
Next year will be awesome .. can't wait!!!
Monday, May 30, 2005
10:53AM
This weekend was alright .. I work Friday night, Saturday and Sunday afternoon - close. Sunday morning I had a Disney Event. So i worked pretty much the whole weekend. Saturday After work Nicole and I bought some stuff for Karin's Shower!!! hehe so excited. Then we went over Beka's and played a card game. Got to see Alex, but got left for a dog. Had fun at friendly's. all in all it was a good night. Last night my mom and I watched the notebook. it was fun. I'm trying to sort somethings out right now, like is it worth it? but we'll see. All I can do is try. Ton of school work that I put off until the last minute . . so I better get started on that.
Happy Memory Day!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
4:01PM
Totally tired. and my 80s project would have been totally tublar but we didn't go today so Mrs. McL can eat shorts because that's bull.
I'm a little annoyed.
Monday, May 9, 2005
Friday, April 29, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Sunday, April 17, 2005
11:36AM - Prom
Prom was awesome. . . EVERYONE look amazing. I had such a great time. Bowling was great two. . .Britt you really did look hot in the POTC after sex outfit. Beka your hair look amazing. Sarah you looked awesome too I have a great picture of you with your hand on your head.
Alex and I really hit it off this time which was great. He is so awesome. I'm upset that he doesn't live around here but that's the story of my life.
I have pics if anyone wants to see
Navigate: (Previous 20 entries)