The smell of diesel fuel and fresh dirt

Oh Man! I've been looking at 67 Chevy Impala's on the Ebay and such and for shits and giggles I typed in Metalicar in the Google Toolbar Query to Search and BOOM I got to Metali... and what pops up? Not Metalica, but Metalicar. ♥ ♥

I have been so out of touch with LJ. It's kinda rediculous. I was looking at a journal I had opened shortly before I met Andy and holy hell I was really into it all!!! I had Icons and fics going... I had formats and backgrounds and... and... where the hell did my tech-savy self go!?!?!?! I guess it goes out the window after two years of minimal computer/ iternet usage. I'm kinda sad now... so insted of being sad, I'm going to fill my Summer Farmers-Widdow time with getting back in touch with my inner LJ!! Tomorrow after my weekend cleaning (which will be a big job {God Damn you Week!}) Ima gonna tool around here and possibly make some Icons!

Could you eat a spider if you absolutly had to? I don't think I could...

Anywho,

Hello LJ, vats new!?!

So I think I'm going to go through and do some house keeping... on LJ that is. I'm going to delete most people and almost ALL of my communities. There are a few of you who will automatically withstand the cut, but lemme know if you wanna stay friended... I'm kinda boring, but I think now that I have a place of my own, with my own internet and computer I'll be back on LJ a lot more. I guess you can call it an unfriending amnesty...

My sister in law has finally allowed us to tell people that she is pregnant. I don't have anybody to tell... and I'm in such a fickle mood about it anyway. I'm just afraid that nobody will be as excited for us when we get pregnant as they are for her. My mom wont be, my dad probably will be, my living grandparents already have 11 greats, and by then Andy's granparents will already have their first great and his parents will already have their fist grandchild. I hate second place, I hate feeling that I play second fiddle. It just makes me feel blah.

No. I'm not pregnant. But my sister in law is! As of October Andy and I will be an Aunt and Uncle!!! I'm not supposed to tell anybody yet (She's only 6 weeks along) but I figure nobody on LJ knows her so I'm safe here!! I'm excited although a little bummed. My secret desire is to be a mother, I'm just not ready yet and I had hoped that Sarah and I would be ready around the same time... Oh well, it just wasn't meant to be. I'm excited though, I've never been an Aunt before!!! :P Andy said that we'll be horrible as an Aunt and Uncle, (by that he means steeling them and taking them to the park, feeding them sugar and sending them home!!) WooT!! Baby Shower!!!!

So today I was an integral part in the gears of the farm. I kicked ass on the Allis Chalmers 7045!! Woo HOO!! We loaded a bunch of and I mean BUNCH of freshly combined corn off the wagons and into the bin. Andy explained how to get the hydraulic lift to work on the wagon and I sat up in the 7045 and ran that. Then I ran the D45 while we used another wagon. I came in to get some food and chill out about an hour ago... Andy is still out there combining in the dark.

I don't really have much more then that. I just felt very proud of myself today, I knew what I was doing and I did it well!

Like we can't take a mental health day once in a while! I still feel really guilty about calling in to work and taking this day off, but I was having one of those mornings where I just could NOT get motivated to go and do what it is that I have to, to bring home ends meat. Besides Andy was going on a bargain-shopping-trip to find an auger to move the freshly combined corn into the bin. That sounded like much more fun today then sitting on the floor with 21 month old Toddlers who sneeze and cough on you all day. So far so good, we hopped out of bed earlier then we usually do on the weekends and I made one stop at the farm house to change my shoes and we headed off to Reoder Bro's to  talk augers. We found one better then Uncle Vernon found! He had one in Monticello for $3,600, we found one better (and closer) for $2,600 and on top of that they delivered it to the farm. By the time Andy got home with his first load of corn it was already sitting at the top of the lane!!

I was rather bummed though, we got the 'bottoms' down in Otter Creek and we parked Ace (my Impala) down on the side of the newly combined corn field and walked toward the Alis Chalmers when Andy realized that it was the one the I can't squeeze into. Mind you most of the open tractors I just sit on the fender, but the enclosed cabs I have to perch behind the seat or on an open window ledge and this newly acquired AC had no space behind the seat or even in the window. Oh well! I drove slow behind Andy with my emergency blinkers on. What a BEAUTIFUL day for a drive!!! He's out getting the next load of corn from Otter Creek and again, I can't ride with him.

But I think I'm going to take advantage of this day off and this Indian Summer... I think I'll take a walk through the orchard.

I have now been married for 3 weeks and 1 day. I enjoy being married!! I have married into such a good family, I have a loving mother in law, a father in law who watches out for me like I was his own, a new little brother who think's I'm awesome and two, count it TWO new sisters (one with a built in brother in law). One of my absolute favorite sisters is the oldest one, she is actually one a week older then I am. I love it when they come to visit (they live in Waterloo about 2 hours away from the farm) because we get along so well and it is really fun to talk to her. But. Yes, there is a but. I get so jealous when they talk about their life, or their home or what they bought. I am so jealous that they have a house. They were talking today about a couple tables they bought at an auction and how they had them re-finished. All I can think about are the peices of furniture that I have that I can't use because we don't even have enought room for a couch. It's about time for things to turn around. I hate feeling like I have nothing because I have so SOOO much. I have a husband who loves me and would do anything for me, and I have a job and I can buy food and put gas in my car. I feel bad for wanting more then I have, but I can't help it.

 

Ok, I'm done bitcing! Hugs to you all!!!

We lost my Grandma Tuesday night.

My mom and my aunt decided to take her off the ventilator. Her quality of life would suffer if she ever was able to breathe on her own, but the way things were going more then likely she would never breathe on her own.

I'm sure my Grandpa had everything ready for her when she got there.

The funny thing was, last night I couldn't fall asleep. I went to bed around 8:00 and tossed and turned until well after midnight. Then I tossed and turned and had very strange dreams. Mostly I dreampt about my Grandparents house, but I did have a dream about my Grandma. She was younger and stroke free and I remember that we were talking about something and she looked at me and smiled and said "Oh gosh! That's wonderful" just like how I remember she used to talk. I got a voice mail this morning from my mom, she had called around 10:30 last night but I didn't get it because of the poor reception in the shed/camper that I sleep in. I finally got a hold of her around 11:30 today and she told me the room.

I was ready for her to go, I had made my peace with her passing years ago.  I just wasn't ready to loose both of them in less then a week.

I have always had a hard time asking for things. But now I ask you for your support and your prayers. I know that I have mentioned my Grandfather that has Alzheimer's, and you have all read my sadness and anguish at his illness but I can't remember the last time, or the first time for that matter, that I have talked about my other Grandparents. My moms mother had a stroke back when I was still in high school. It was a bad one which she never fully recovered from. There were about two years that it seemed that she was getting better but I am afraid that was only false hope. My Grandpa with out hesitation became her sole care giver (with the exception of my mother who visited her every Monday morning). He was a husband of the 50's, he was a door to door salesman for a while and was often gone from home on business and never bothered with things like laundry, cooking and the housekeeping. For the last 7 or so years he has been the chef, the washer woman, the maid and nurse as well as the husband, father and grandpa.

I have been preparing for the death of my Grandma for the last few years. Every time I see her she seems to be worse off then the time before. I just keep asking God to be just and let her be in peace.

Last week I got when I was talking to my Dad on the phone he happened to mention that my Grandpa hadn't been feeling well as of the last couple days. That he was having a hard time standing up and walking about. My mom took him to the Doctors for a check up and the whole ride there he kept telling my Mom that he can't remember what was real and what was a dream. He insisted that the night before my Mom and Dad had shampooed his living room, they hadn't. Nothing was concluded from his check up and I didn't hear anything about it for almost a week and a half.

This Wednesday I got a call from my Mother and she let me know that my Grandma had fallen earlier in the week and Grandpa had to call a friend to help him get her up. That was when my Mom and her sister talked it over with Grandpa and they all three agreed that a nursing home would be the best place for them both to live. It surprised me that my Grandpa would agree to such an atrocity!!! But now I know his reasoning for agreeing. That Wednesday my Grandma was admitted into the hospital with Thyroid problems and was put on a ventilator with a 50/50% chance. That was a lot for me to take in. Everything was changing so fast.

Foward to this Saturday... Andy and I are on the way home from picking up Dodger the Great Pyrenees Mix when my Dad called. He was on his way to pick up my aunt from the airport (her family lives in Chicago) he just wanted to let me know that Grandpa had been admitted to the ER the night before and that Judy (my aunt) was coming in. He told me that my Mom was going to call later that day to keep me updated. I went about the day with little worry on my mind, we got Dodger used to the other animals and the farm and then took him over to our friends Cody & Coral's. C&C were moving on Sunday but they still had quite a few things that needed packing so I busied myself with focusing on organizing boxes. I got the call from my mom around 9 pm, she just got home from sitting with my Grandpa all night and Grandma's sister was in town to visit them both. My mom sounded calm, but tired and we said our good nights with her promise to keep me posted. At that time I was going to take Wednesday off work and go to visit them both. I had never wanted to say good by to anybody so bad in my entire life.

Sunday, Moving Day! Bright and early we started and we moved until the dark hours of the night. My purse with my phone was in Andy's truck and around 2 I asked if he had noticed my phone beeping, he hadn't so I went about my work. After making sure things were settled and nothing more immediate needed to be done Andy and I hopped in the Truck and headed home. 1 missed call 6:55; 1 Voicemail. It was simple, it was calm, but it make my heart stick in my throat. "Sweetie, this is mom. I need you to call me. Bye."  I knew somebody was gone, it just wasn't who I thought it was. My mom let me know that the hospital had called her around 8am to tell her that my Grandpa was going down hill fast. He fell asleep and never woke up. I am just so relieved that my mom and aunt were with him.

I guess that he was a lot more sick then he let on to us all. His number one priority was to take care of Grandma and it was almost like when he knew that she was going to be taken care of he knew his job here was done. I don't think he'll have to wait long for Gram, she may be joining him sooner then he thought.

He was a great man with a dry sense of humor who would never hesitate to give you a hand in any way he could. His advice was sound and his witt's were sharp. He was a University of Iowa Alum and Track Star who loved to watch sports, especially golf. His signature handshake was a low-five and he didn't like staying at any kind of event or function for over half an hour. During the War he was in the Navy though he never got a tattoo and he married my Gram on New Years Day at the court house for tax purposes. He wasn't the kind of guy to say 'I love you', but you could hear those words in his smile when he looked at you. His jokes were phenomenal and he always had a soft spot for dogs. He is now with his younger brother, his father and his mother waiting for his wife.

I don't really know what else to say, I just miss him and am a bit upset that I never got to say good by. Ok, alright... I need to go cry. Again.