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Aug. 21st, 2011

My Personality?

Passionate

You are in touch with your emotions, and sometimes you react before you think. The good news: you don't tamp down your feelings. The bad news: you sometimes say or do things that you later wish you could take back.

You do not live your life on an even keel; you do not go for long periods without experiencing some mood swings.

Aesthetic

You appreciate art, beauty, and design; you know that they are not superficial but absolutely crucial to living the good life. You have good taste, and you're proud of it. Those with a high score on the "aesthetic" trait are often employed in literary or artistic professions, enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about the arts, reading, and travel.

You don't think it's pretentious to be moved by art and beauty. You're not one of those who believe it doesn't matter what something looks like as long as it does its job.

Original

You are constantly coming up with new ideas. For you, the world as it exists is just a jumping-off place; what's going on inside your mind is often more interesting than what's going on outside.

You don't feel that the road to success is to be a realist and stick to the program; you never stop yourself from coming up with new ideas or telling the world what you're thinking about.

Pessimistic

You tend to be a "glass half-empty" kind of person, which for you is simply a realistic outlook. Your feeling is that this world can be a depressing place, and only a fool would think otherwise.

You do not waste your time searching for the silver lining in every cloud, nor do you believe it's your job to cheer up the people around you with happy talk.

Competent

You strive to master everything you undertake. You tend to learn quickly and do not shy away from challenges.

You are not a "que sera sera" type of person, nor do you go easy on yourself when attempting to master a new skill or get a job done.

Accessible

You're comfortable expressing yourself in words and actions, with no self-censorship. You believe that if someone doesn't like what they see it's not your problem, but theirs. A high score on the "accessible" trait suggests that you have a lot of friends, socialize often, and enjoy rap/hip-hop music.

You don't see the need to keep your thoughts to yourself, or to have a zone of privacy that encompasses only yourself and a small circle of friends and relatives.

Warm

You have a genuine interest in other people. You're a natural host, and are always thinking about how you can increase the happiness of those around you. When friends have problems or are in trouble, you're usually the first person they turn to for aid and comfort. Scoring high on the "warm" trait suggests that you are among those who enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.

You don't always say exactly what you're thinking; you don't like the idea of causing anyone pain because of your criticism.

Understanding

You are willing to take the time to find out what's going on with other people, especially if they're in distress. You're a good listener, you don't criticize, and you offer unbiased, respectful, honest advice when it's requested. With a high score on the "understanding" trait, it is likely that you are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.

You don't feel the need to impose your standards on others or say things that, even though true, cause pain.

Tender

You are gentle with others, both physically and emotionally. You are careful not to upset people and go out of your way to find the nicest way to say something. You naturally focus on the fact that the world is full of wonderful people, places, and things. More often than not, people with a high score on the "tender" trait enjoy spending time with children, love romantic movies, and are enthusiastic about making the world a better place.

You don't think of yourself as tough-minded or gruff, nor do you need to be seen as some kind of objective source of truth and rationality.

Empathetic

You are in touch with your own feelings, which helps put you in touch with the feelings of others.

You don't buy the logic that your happiness comes ahead of everyone else's because unless you're happy you're incapable of making anyone else happy.

Aug. 20th, 2011

Finally!

Ok - so I'm finally unpacked and I've made myself at home in Vermont! <3 I have my own room, unpacked all my stuff including all of my video games. And now I'm slowly working on cleaning and just doing wifely things. Well... It's gonna be a long road. I can feel that? But I know that my mate is worth it. And no matter what - I'm never going to regret moving away from Tennessee to be with him...
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Jul. 13th, 2011

Durellia~<3

So you guys have probably seen me posting more and more large clumps of texts. Those are actually roleplays! From a website that I've been visiting regularly and laughing over silly bits, crying at sad parts, and actually getting worked up and excited to see new posts. <3 Curious? I know you are! :3

DURELLIA!

Alright - so anyway! Here's the website!

durellia.proboards.com/index.cgi

Go there. Check it out. Possibly join. :3 It's totally worth it!

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A Risk, a Name, and an Ultimatum ((Continued))

Ryuu suppressed the flare of anger at the women’s ignorance, their dismissal of his abilities. And worse, the accusation of cowardice. They were not only naïve, but clearly foolish to try his patience. They were in his territory, and he could do away with both of them without breaking a sweat. Still, he stilled his temper, setting his jaw and setting Terise firmly with his eyes, disregarding Annya altogether. Foolish girl.

“The simple revelation of my face is more than I have granted anyone else. It gives you leverage. And yet you want a guarantee? There is no guarantee that I can give you.”

He shifted in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees, chin resting on laced fingers. The stillness of the night had grown outside, even the lapping of the waves on the dock growing quiet with the softening wind. That worried him; there was often stillness before a storm.

“What would stop me from giving you another false name, and claiming it is my true name? What memento could I give that might not simply be an expendable trinket that I claimed to have value? You wish to know without doubt that I mean you no harm? That’s not something I can give you. Already I have placed more trust in you than you return; I risk my own safety in revelation of what I have. I had hoped, and apparently vainly, that you would recognize this and honor it in kind. I can make use of your resources, your skills, and your ability. And you can in turn use mine. To thrive in this game you play, you need my expertise, and I need your resources. In that, yes, we are of equal standing, potential partners in a business drenched in blood and poison. I cannot make it sound better than that without weaving in a lie.”

He stood from his chair, and moved around them to his worktables, plucking a small glass cage from the rest containing a long-legged white spider with hair covering its back. Flipping open the top, he reached his hand in, letting the deadly creature climb onto the back of his hand. It did not bite him, but sat on the back of his hand.

“You claim me a coward. You claim me a bully, to be arrogant, even cocky. I prey on the weak, and fear the powerful. I threaten retribution as a means of intimidation, using exaggeration as my tool. "

He let a low chuckle rumble in his throat as he came back toward them, the spider slowly climbing its way up his arm toward his shoulder.

“I wait for the day when I find my next challenge…When I can honor an opponent with battle at its fullest. I have been dishonored in the eyes of my clan, cast aside, never again to join them in their battles. But that does not mean I cannot seek my own. You could not win against me, either of you. It is not arrogance that gives me right to claim this, but knowledge, understanding of my abilities, and of yours. It is why I offer my protection, should you find yourself beyond your own means, and my warning should you cross me. ”

He sat down, the large spider perching on his shoulder. He stared at them both in turn, no matter their reaction.

“You would spurn me as a threat, rather than to risk an uncertain ally. You cannot escape the eyes of authority in this city the way you go about your business now, but with my help, I can keep your dealings in the shadows. Otherwise, you simply toss away what inheritance and hope your parents have placed in you, and betray the unspoken oaths of protection you have placed in each other. What honor is there in that? You undervalue your own lives, but not the lives of each other, I see that much.”

“I offer you this, and ask that you consider it. Whether you believe it or not, as of now I mean you no harm, in the interest of mutual benefit. If you do cross me, you will find your lives cut short, as a declaration of fact. For as much as it is worth to you, my honor will not allow me to betray this agreement simply because I find no more use for you. Competition is not a strong enough reason for me to see you dead, as betrayal would be. As one of Andin descent, Annya should know how much our honor is worth to us.”

“You can take my offer, or leave now. If you leave it, keep your tongue as I will, and we will go about our business as if this never occurred. Know that.”


Outside, the bell told the half hour, a single loud ringing in the silent night. The watch would be changing shifts soon. Many were competent enough to know when someone was sleeping or drugged. This would need to end soon.

Terise could feel the absolute panic rise in the room as Exile took the spider out of the cage. She sighed, pressing her fingers to her temple before looking out of the corner of her eye, watching Annya all but climb the back of her seat. Annya's one weakness. She turned, looking at her sister with an obviously fake smile.

"Sister... If you are going to panic and flail, then you can go home. There is no need for you to sit and panic here, when you can do so in the comfort of your own home, now is there?"

"T-Thank you! I'm sorry... S-spider...."

Annya, without even a second thought, seemed practically to levitate from her chair and make her way towards the door. Once Annya was away from the docks, and it was obvious because of the sound of her running, Terise turned to look at Exile once more.

"Pardon my sister. Spiders are her one phobia in this world..."

She groaned a little as she rubbed at her forehead for a moment, then cleared her throat before leaning back, looking around the room, talking almost to herself, but still directed towards him. Her fingers, laced together, sat in her lap as one leg crossed over the other.

"You offer protection, but at the same time you all but basically say that I am a convenience... You are very talented, yes. But you also are arrogant. You honestly believe that all but saying that I am of little to no importance is going to make me want to just run straight into your arms and all but cry 'please, protect small and innocent me. I have no clue what I'm doing, and I'm just so lost and alone in this big bad world!' "

Terise had started to make a ridiculous voice, swaying in her seat as she held her hands close to her chest, batting her eyes a few times as she gave him an obviously fake love struck stare. Just as soon as she had finished her scene though, she returned to being serious.

"No. That makes me want simply to leave the room, and forget the name Exile ever existed... You've done nothing but belittle me and all but call me a useless herb gatherer since I walked into this place. What, pray tell, is suppose to be so alluring about working with or even under someone who does nothing but take small, though still powerful, bashes at ones ego and pride. Yes, you have your honor... I understand that, and respect that actually. But it doesn't change how you've addressed me since I've been here..."

She leaned forward in the chair, finally getting a solidly good look at his face, still careful of the spider perched on his shoulder. She didn't fear them, but she also knew that knowing him, it was actually poisonous in some fashion.

"Actually treat me and my sister as people, and stop your attempts of bashing any sort of pride or ego that we have left... And I will consider it. Like she had said before, we did not come here to get talked down to like we are nothing..."

Jul. 11th, 2011

A Risk, a Name, and an Ultimatum

Ilsa at night was quiet, even with the cutthroats and vagabonds braving the guard patrols the held the streets with an iron fist in the wake of the Princess’s ascension to rule. She’d made many enemies among the nobles and common folk alike. It was a wonder that General Matsumoto had been able to keep the peace, particularly with so many of the civilian guard on the payroll of Ilsa’s aristocracy. Ryuu didn’t care to stick his fingers into that particular mess. With his involvement, he could probably turn the entirety of Ilsa’s government on its head. This is why he would keep away from it, and instead busy himself with ridding the streets of the larger rats. The world had its share of troubles without him adding to them. The underground was already buzzing about the Serpent Shadow. He would have requests being posted everywhere soon, and he would be able to pick and chose his targets. He would appear the vigilante, the thug, the hired sword, of even the professional wet-worker. Either way, he would live by his own ethics. Then, perhaps, with time he would be able to leave this gods forsaken land, and leave it a little cleaner when he did. He longed to find his clan again, to atone for his deeds and his sins. But one did not travel in hell unprepared. He leapt from rooftop to rooftop, easily keeping his footing even on the sloped tiling and slick woods. Again he had his face hidden by the black cloth, leaving only his eyes and forehead exposed. His movement was as silent as it was swift, even the odd clinking of a tile not enough to give him away. He’d been able to traverse most of the city at this point, memorizing routes, escape paths, hiding spots and the overall layout of the city. He was quickly approaching his shop, but he passed it by, turning toward the Creahs shop a bit further off. Once he reached it, he checked the back alleyway. Five plants, potted and ready, sat on the stones outside. Perfect. Slinging himself down by the lip of the roof, he dropped nearly silently into the alley. He wasn’t alone. He’d planned for the next time she showed herself. “I know you’re there, watchdog. You’ll not come any closer to finding me out by slinking in the shadows I call home.” There was nothing for a moment. Only silence and shadows. “I won’t let you harm my sister. What do you want from her?” Annya stepped out from the adjoining alleyway, a dagger held in one hand. He met her eyes, green to amber. He quickly noted her definite Andin features, but held her eyes primarily. He stood there, motionless, but relaxed. “Say something, damn you!” “If I wanted to bring harm to Terise Creahs, Annya, then she would already be dead. I know who you are, and you could not stop me. Neither of you could.” Anger flared behind those calm features, and the knuckles gripping the dagger became white. Ryuu stepped forward, checking that his sword was ready just in case with a shift of his elbow. He came closer, reaching a hand into a pocket, pulling out a sealed envelope. “You and I are not so different. You know from my eyes and yours we share a homeland. You have felt loss, as have I. You seek to protect, as I had, and was banished for. You have taken life, and much of it. As I have. Your eyes say much, even if you do not. I am the Exile that has given your sister gold for her service and her silence. If you so wish, I can break the silence I have held on her in turn, end her usefulness to me. Or you can be smart, and lower your weapon, and deliver this to her. All will be made clear when she reads it.” He stopped short of the door, offering the letter toward Annya. The woman hesitated. He wasn’t surprised. A man with blood on his hands, offering a peaceful way out. Most would think it a fool’s story, but then, perhaps he was a fool after all. Finally, she stepped forward, lowering the dagger and sheathing it. “I don’t trust you. By even the smallest amount, and if you hurt Terise, you will not escape me.” “I do not ask your trust. I ask you to deliver something to your mistress, nothing more." Annya snatched the letter from his hand, and instantly broke the seal, waving it a few times to the side. Clearly checking it for lacings or poisons, which there were none of. She was paranoid as a raw trainee jumping at every movement of their masters. She unfolded the letter inside and scanned it over, stopping to reread it a few times before slipping it back in. “I will give it to h—“ She spoke to nobody, the alleyway empty. Ryuu himself was already perched on the arch atop the building, looking down with two of the five plants cradled beneath his arms. They would do for now. His greatest purpose of the night was accomplished. He moved back toward his shop, determined to rest at least some before the night was finished. He was taking a large gamble with this, but he was confident in his initiative. It was going to be a busy day. Annya simply stared down the ally, looking from one side to the other before looking down at the letter once more. Raising an eyebrow, she sighed a little as she shook her head. Why, after so long, does Exile want to end the silence that had kept everyone relatively safe so far. Everything was riding on everyone not knowing one another. Looking down at the letter, she raised an eyebrow. He wants Terise to come out and meet him. Annya felt off about this, but then again, she was not one to tell her sister what she could or could not do. So it was now up to her sister to decide what was going to happen. Slowly stepping into the shop, pulling the door closed behind her. Scanning over the letter, she sighed as she looked over the words once more before giving it to her sister. Terise Creahs, You've exceeded my expectations with your work. Efficient. Careful. But in other ways, you can be reckless and foolhardy. I know you send your dear sister to see lives ended on a whim. It is time to met your benefactor face to face. Tomorrow evening at the tenth bell, I will await you on the northernmost docks. You may bring your pet sister if you so wish. Let no one else follow. - Exile Something just seemed so off about this assassin wanting to suddenly be friendly with Terise. She did not trust him, not as far as she could pick up the shop and throw it. Though, in the note it did say that Terise could bring her. So maybe he truely did want a peaceful way out of all this. She sighed, making her way up the stairs towards Terise. "Sister? Exile left you another message..." "Oh? Bring it here. What does he want now? And did he get his plants and leave the gold?" "No, he did not get all his plants just yet, so there's no gold... But this might interest you..." Terise span around in her seat, looking up from a strange looking fish. Terise had been dabbling in more and more strange types of poisons, the reason why she had a few different creatures in cages around the room. There were a few different tiny glass boxes, each one holding something different. One was holding a few strangely bright blue frogs, another holding a few small snails, one even had a beautiful tan snake coiled in the bottom of the cage. One cage was full of water though, a few strange fish floating around. The fish in front of her was the same as the ones in the cage. "Really now...? Is he interested in the new line of work I'm trying to start?" She spun around back in her seat, looking down at the Fish again. She had on gloves, carefully cutting around different parts of the fish. She seemed excited as she got closer to the table, looking over the organ. "I've heard stories about this fish! This little organ here? It holds some somewhat deadly poison that causes people to go paralyzed. Their die because the muscles that are used to breath are numbed. I want this organ, but then there are other parts that I want to cut through so I can prepare the fish. If you bust this sack, it's an intense poison you can practically taste. There is another one in here that if you bust it? You will not taste it. I'm going to fillet it, bust that sack, then I want you to deliver this and a few other things to a family that apparently wronged someone a while back. None of my business, but apparently they want that family completely out of the picture..." Annya just watched as Terise continued with what she was doing, simply chattering away about the different poison properties of the fish. She sighed a little, sitting down on the table, crossing her legs at the knees as she looked over at one cage, shivering with a look of disgust on her face as she looked into the face of a giant spider. But it was under glass, she was happy. "No, he said that he wants to meet you... Apparently he likes your work, but he thinks that you're reckless. I don't know why he suddenly wants to meet you sister. I don't approve of this... I think that just as soon as you turn your back that he's going to take advantage of your 'trust' because of how he continues to pay regardless of the price..." "Annya! That is no way to treat one of our most valued customers... If he wants to meet me, then we will meet. Of course you will come with me, and you will be prepared. Your daggers will be prepped, and you will carry more poisons than usual. If I give you the signal, you are to unleash everything you have on him... Hold nothing back, do you understand, Annya?" "Yes, sister... I just still don't trust him..." "I understand, but if he wishes to meet up then we need to humor him if nothing else. Simply because we need to keep him quiet..." "I know... After this though, and after the delivery, I need... to go somewhere... I need to find someone..." Terise simply nodded before turning and looking back down at the fish as she removed the organ, setting down to the side before slowly preparing the rest of the fish. Annya just looked down at the letter once more, sighing. "I still don't think this is a good idea....."
Later that evening Ryuu waited atop the boathouse roof at the northernmost pier, legs folded and still as the night. The tenth bell of the evening had yet to sound, but he would rather be early and make sure there were no unnecessary distractions. By now the harbor guards were already sleeping on the job; the drug in their private drinking water reserves would keep them under for at least an hour, and even if they were discovered, the laxness of the harbor guard was near appalling. The docks were mostly empty in the hours of coming twilight, save for the late arrivals of trading vessels, and they were at the far end. The entirety was spanned by lines of large warehouses where items bound for the markets or the seas were stored. For now, the hiss of the shifting tides and the spray of the water greeted him, and he took a momentary meditation. Still wearing the cloth mask, sis sword was strapped to his back, the hilt protruding over his right shoulder. Several dozen needles lined the insides of his clothes, and some were even meticulously slipped under the very top layer of the skin on his forearms. A painful process, but only temporarily. The poisons that laced them did not even give him a shiver, the toxins in his blood already more potent than any single dose he could take, and his resistances holding each one of them at bay. In the distance, the silence was broken by the ringing of a bell. Ten times it rang, marking the tenth hour after midday. He opened his eyes, and watched the deepening darkness as he waited. It did not take long for him to see the two coming up toward the docks. They spoke in hushed voices, and Annya looked particularly tense, her hands stiff and arms bent, clearly ready to grab for her daggers at a moment’s notice. Terise walked with more assurance, that violet dress swaying with her strides, but it was clear she was almost as nervous as Annya. They began to make their way down the dock itself, the boards beneath them rocking with the waves. Good. At least they both had the sense to anticipate traps. “I don’t like this. Where is he? He said tenth bell, and its tenth bell.” “Relax, Annya. I’m sure he’ll be here. He still owes us the gold for the plants, remember.” “It has to be a trap. Why call us so far out of the city?” He smirked darkly under his mask as he pushed himself up with his legs. Taking to a run, he leapt off the roof, twisting himself in mid-air as he fell, and landed with a soft thump with one hand and one knee to the ground. Annya spun around, daggers in hand and jaw clenched, and Terise wasn’t far behind, her rapier half out of its sheathe. He stood, showing himself, and Annya relaxed a bit, simply glaring at him but lowering the daggers. Terise glanced at her, and then sheathed her blade. “So you may see, Annya, what I have done with the gift of your sister’s plants and neutrality in these last months. Come.” He turned his back to them, having no fear of them trying to attack him. Their curiosity would stay their hand, and even if it didn’t, there was only so far the element of surprise could get someone. He moved toward one of the warehouse doors, extracting a key from the small pouch on his belt, and slipped it into a large, iron lock holding the doors closed. He could hear the other two following. Pulling the lock off, he pulled one of the doors open, ushering them inside. Lamps burned within, casting a light glow onto wooden tables covered in hundreds of different plants in clay pots. Another was laden with cages, large and small. Animals sat within; here, a white snake raised its head, tongue flicking out to taste their scent. A white asp, which could kill within minutes. A large spider, covered in hair and as large as a man’s palm, stalked lethargically around the cramped inside of another, and next to it, encased in glass, a tiny black spider with red markings. In the middle sat all kinds of chemical mixing tools; beakers, mortars and pestles, vials and glass tubes joining many of them. Terise inhaled sharply, whether from shock or glee, he couldn’t be sure. Annya looked as perturbed as ever, her expression growing darker. “Your new research is a fledgling in a nest next to a soaring falcon, Miss Creahs. Poisons are my specialty, and you may benefit from my knowledge.” He moved to a chair against the wall, sitting near two others. He motioned toward them as he took his own, Terise and Annya coming over and sitting as well. Clearly they knew when it was time for business. Terise eyed him quizzically. “Why, after all this time, do you decide to trust us with revealing yourself instead of keeping silence?” “Because you stumble about in the dark, taking money bought in blood simply because there is want of it spilled, and a price put to it. Your sister stumbles over her own feet, leaving trails that any infant of my clan could trace. You two are like children playing clumsily at a game, and you will become upset when you learn there are rules to it.” Terise flushed in clear anger at the blunt and blatant insult, and Annya ground her teeth together with a crack, looking all the world as though she were ready to lunge at him. Good. Let them be angry, at least they would listen. Terise put a hand on Annya’s shoulder, and the other woman relaxed slightly, thumping against the back of the chair. “We are not here to be subject to your criticisms, Exile. We are here to know what you in--…Master Kaitan?!” Terise’s voice nearly rose to a shout as Ryuu pulled down the cloth mask, letting it settle at his neck. She seemed flabbergasted, but Annya just sat there with a look of confusion. “Who?” “Master Kaitan, Kaitan Sura…He owns the Andin apothecary not far from our shop. It was you, all this time?!” He simply nodded, leaning forward slightly, resting one forearm on his knee. Anger them, make them listen. Then surprise them, and offer them a symbol of trust. It was a great risk he was taking, but he would not be able to move forward if he did not. “That is a name I bear, yes. It is not my name, but it is a name you may know for now.” Annya seemed even more tense, and Terise slumped back in her chair, bewildered. “I show you this because if you do not learn the rules of this game you play, you will be the one that loses. You are useful to me, and I do not take losing an asset easily. One, I offer you protection, should your deeds run afoul of the wrong person. Second, you will learn of what I know in the making of poisons. Thirdly, I will teach your ‘sister’ in what it is to be a true assassin. But in exchange, you maintain your silence, you continue your work to gather what I demand, and you consider your targets far more wisely. Striking at anyone in the castle was a foolish move, and could have been enough to draw the attention of General Matsumoto. You would have had a platoon of soldiers breaking down your door, and your blood would have been on your sister’s hands.” Their expressions both darkened. A mixture of curiosity, anger, anxiety, greed, and several other emotions were clear on their faces. He waited for their answer, keeping Terise’s eyes firstly. Terise's face was the first to relax, simply closing her eyes and lacing her fingers together as she almost seemed to digest what he had said. She could hear Annya's foot thumping against the floor in discomfort. Finally, lifting her head slightly, looking at him with an almost smirk on her face. "You say to learn the rules of a game... And yet you assume we are the ones who are taking this lightly. We knew that things could go south, and we could pass away. We wholly accept that. As far as demanding? You not so earthshaking that you DEMAND anything of me. If I determine not to collect what plants you REQUEST of me, then you shall not get that shipment. I personally hand pick what orders I will go to collect. The only reason why YOURS are always chosen are because of your aptitude to continue to pay, and pay well. Mother and Father might not have dealt in the darker sides of plants, but I understood that it pays well. And that is one thing I will never let my mother and father down on. They wanted me to make a good life for myself, and Annya. And I continue to do that in one only way I understand how..." She leaned forward in her own chair, watching him carefully before turning and looking around the warehouse. She could practically feel the disgust oozing from Annya as she turned to look the pale faced woman in the eyes, causing Annya to worry a little though as she saw a shimmer in Terise's eye that always meant that she thought of something, and something that would usually end getting Annya involved with something. "Even if you come across who is far too conscious of their own talents, and too full of themselves to mask they know? You do have a point. Annya does need a bit more guidance, even if her abilities to blend into her surroundings are very favorable..." "Sister! You do not -" "Annya, be quiet sweetie..." She leaned over and patted Annya's leg, smiling a little as she turned look Exile directly in the eyes, suddenly turning serious as she leaned back against the chair once more. "Silence is required for both ends. My life honestly is nothing. Everything comes and goes in this life and if it is my time then so be it. Your threats to end MY life fall short of impressing, Exile. Your attitude also is lacking in any sort of depth or tact. Yes, you have a clan. Yes, you have more experience. But when it comes down to it, you are not the superior, so you are on the same level as Annya and I. But... If you are not willing to change your tune, regardless of our abilities or our experience, then this business relationship is over. I have no need for your attitude... Trust me. I have plenty of my own..." She just smiled her absolutely sickeningly sweetest smile, crossing her legs at the knee as she raised an eyebrow, waiting for a moment as she turned to look at Annya. "What do you think, dear sister?" "I believe he is a hollow souled idiot, who is too full of himself and far too confident in his abilities. People like him talk big, but when he is confronted by people of equal or greater abilities, then he falls short and runs like a scared child. But when it comes to people like you and me, he's far too eager to croak all the louder, and fluff his feathers all the more. I STILL don't trust him, and to be honest I believe even now he's simply waiting. He's waiting until we're of no use, then he's going to kill us both. And how do we know if we're even still of any use to him now?! How are we sure that he's not just waiting until it's time 'to go' and he's not going to lock us in this warehouse and watch his little toxic PETS finish us off?!" Annya motioned around the warehouse before turning and pointing at Exile, glaring and grinding her teeth. Terise simply smiled, reaching out and gently pressing her sister's hand down, turning to look over at Exile as she raised an eyebrow. "My sister speaks the truth... How DO we know that's not your plan? We've lived so far by trusting no one, and it's proven to be successful. Prove to us, in a way other than just showing some warehouse, that you mean us no harm... Give us your real name. Or something of value."

Roleplay

Terise smiled as she saw the two story tall workshop that seemed to loom slightly over the lively street in which it sat in front of. Once she stepped through the door that was flanked by either side by massive windows, she was brought into a whole new world of scents as various herbs and plants hang from the ceiling as they dry. She smiled as the strong smells hit her nose, everything from Garlic to Lavender. She looked over the shelves that line the walls with vials on every imaginable inch, each with a label on the side informing the client exactly was in the bottle.

"Home Again... Though... There is part of me that wants to get out and roam again... Out in the country with the grass under my feet..."


She smiled as she started to slightly day dream, listening to the sounds of the forest from memory, walking slowly through the shop, her fingers dragging softly along the glass case that held many different tools of her trade. On one side of the shop was nothing but pure herbs, all sorted by their name, starting with A. On the other side, a few basic blended herbs, most of which comes with a simple set of instructions on the side of the bottle which normally include nothing more than add water and boil. Finally, on the wall behind the counter which stretched across the entire inside of the shop was the more drastic herbal mixtures. For just a few coppers extra her customers could choose from any bottle behind the counter, knowing it was hand picked, prepared, and mixed by her and her alone. Among all of this are the basic tools required, a few empty bottles, a few loose herbs, the occasional mortar and pestle. Hidden behind a corner going back to a store room was a flight of stairs leading to a locked door, her home. She slowly made her way around the counters, looking up the stairs for a moment before pressing the door open to the store room and looking around to make sure everything was still in order. With a smile she slowly let the door close and began to make her way up.

"It's good to see that some things never change... I can remember even when I was little that this place was always a wreck... Father and Mother always seemed to be doing more important things and had no time to do the little things like clean up storage... And now I understand why..."

In the store room there was boxes of herbs waiting to be dried, already dried herbs, bottles that had been shipped to the back door, and a few notes laying around. Only a few really knew what went on in the back, but to a lesser circle it is known that if you require a more dangerous plant then what she keeps in stock in the front, you can slip a note in the hole of the door she will attempt to find the plant. For a... charitable price of course. Making her way up the stairs, she gently pushed the door to her home open as she looked around, a faint smile forming on her face. The home portion of the two story building was modest enough. Living above the shop made it so much easier for her parents so in honor of their name she simply continued to linger in there. There was a small alcove for her cooking and her preparation of all the premixed bottles of herbs, and a few cleaning stations for the plants she would bring home. Her sleeping area was separated from the main room by a simple screen with a rose design on the front.

"It's good to be home... however small it might be..."

She made her way over to the doorway that opened on the top floor to a balcony from where she normally could be found sitting and drinking a mixture of herbs in the morning before starting her day, or at night watching the people hurrying from shop to shop to finish their shopping before the day is done. As she stepped out onto the balcony she looked down at the crowds as they walked, a few stopping by the window of the shop to look inside before muttering something and turning to walk away. By the difference in decor in her house becomes obvious where she spends her time though, as the first floor was highly decorated with pictures on what span of space was not taken up with shelves or drying herbs. While on the second floor is nothing but bare walls and the occasional pile of clothes on the floor. Sighing gently though, she pulled up a chair to the small table and began to stare off into the sky as she hummed slightly, getting lost in thought as the starts began to blink slowly into existence.


Her sister Annya glared at all the people as she passed, grumbling to herself as she felt the cold metal of her blades against her thighs. Even in the middle of all this crowd, she was resisting the temptation to simply pull out the daggers and just begin to stab people. No reason, and no exceptions. She had to hold back a cringe when she felt a tugging at the base of her dress, turning to look down into the face of a little who could not be any more than three years old.

"... What... do you want?..."

She raised an eyebrow as she stared down into the face. Most people would have cooed over how adorable the small child was, a head full of bouncing brown curls and bright sparkling green eyes, but all she felt was the urge to grab the small face and throw it as far away from her as she physically could throw. Her stomach lurched when she heard the giggle, her face remaining emotionless aside from her raised eyebrow.

"I... I... I wanted to say you were a pretty lady..."


"Thats nice.... Now leave me be..."

It did not even bother her when the little girl began to pout, then cry, and run away. Her stopping point was in sight, the giant hanging sign of Creah's Herbs and Plants with a rose under the name. Honestly smiling, she pushed her way through the bustling crowd to get into the front door. When she looked around, she expected to find her sister, but for some reason she was not in the shop. Even with customers looking around at the different herbs.

"Terise? Sister?"


She moved her way to the stairs, looking up and around in the loft that they call home. All she found was a half mixed herbal mixture, and most of her clothes packed, and her small pack was missing. She busted out laughing, she knew what was going on. She could picture it. Terise had been there, then got antsy again. With out late it was, it was possible that she simply packed anything she could, and left to hunt for more herbs.

"One of these days those herbs will be the end of her..."


She was about to turn around and head back down the stairs, but came face to face with her sister. She raised an eyebrow, stepping back and crossing her arms as the two of them stood there for a moment, the look on Terise's face being one of a little bit of shock.

"You really think that the herbs will kill me?"

"I believe that if you are not careful you will get yourself seriously hurt in a way that I cannot help you... I'm not the doctor, but if the doctor's sick then no one gets better..."

"I'm not going to get hurt! How many times have I told you that!"


Annya couldn't help but bursting out laughing as she saw Terise cross her arms and begin to pout. Sighing, she shook her head and began to walk around the home and clean, Terise's lack of cleanliness always being an issue but she had long since just learned to clean it herself. When Terise saw that Annya wasn't paying attention, she let out an evil grin, looking over at one cup she had turned upside down and was on the floor. Picking up the cup she saw the massive hairy spider she had caught. Blowing on it a little, sending it in Annya's direction she couldn't but giggle and wait for the response.

"Terise... I just worry about yo-...OH GREAT BLOODY GODS!"


She had jumped ontop of the chair, screaming and cursing as she saw the spider rushing past her on the floor towards the door to the balcony. Annya had lifted her skirt up around her waist, screaming and cursing the existence of the thing, damning its family and all of its little demon spawn babies. Terise, by this point, was rolling on the ground laughing. After a few minutes both of them calmed down though, but surprisingly to Annya, Terise suddenly turned serious. Walking over to her sister, Terise handed her a slip of paper with nothing more than a name on it. Giving her a 'Don't ask questions. Just do it' look, Annya simply nodded, leaning over and kissed her sister's forehead before ruffling her hair.

"Understood. Just shut down the shop before you go... Is this what you wanted to use?"

"What is in the mortar? No. It's the liquid beside it. No smell, no after affects. Makes it seem like her heart stopped..."


"Where is she?"

"In the castle. So you will have to be smart about this. Do not go barreling with guns blazing and expect to get to her..."

Annya nodded as they looked at one another for a moment. Terise had grabbed her pack back up, and headed down the stairs to shoo everyone out and explained that she had to leave to get more herbs, and that she would be back in a few days. And that all the drying herbs should be done and she would have more stock. She smiled as she gave the children in the store though a dried stick of lavender to make them happy, the sounds of giggling making her heart soar. Annya, on the other hand, had glared at the scene as she made her way into the storage room and found her tiny purse, tucking the vial of liquid into it before slipping it down the front of her dress. Turning, she saw Terise walk into the room.

"So why her? She is a nice girl... This is unlike you to ask for this for someone like her... Not that I am complaining. I need to stretch my legs a little..."

"I have my reasoning... Just get the job done, come back to me, and I will dye your hair again..."

"Alright, Sister..."

Annya made her way for the back door, turning to look at Terise. Her sister was strange. So nice, yet there was a small spark somewhere deep down inside her that was pure evil, she could tell. But she couldn't help but feeling as if something was wrong.

"Terise... Listen to me. This time I do not want you to go. Do not ask me why, I just feel badly about you leaving. Stay and watch the shop, but I just feel like something will happen if you go."

Terise was about to snap at her sister, but once she saw the look on her face she sighed, nodding as she slowly sat the pack down on the floor, giving her a half hearted smile. Once Annya saw that she was serious about staying, she smiled as she walked over and hugged her sister tight, careful of the glass in her dress.

"Your the only family I have, sister... I would hate to have to burn down forests to avenge my stupid sister..."

The both of them began to squirm and laugh before Annya let go and backed away, ruffling Terise's hair before turning, heading out the back door. Looking at the paper, only the name 'Antonia Cole' scribbled across it. She sighed a little as she looked from the ally up towards the castle, followed by a slowly growing grin

"I'm coming for you, Cole..."

Feb. 26th, 2010

More Bjork Songs






Feb. 10th, 2010

Sad Bjork Song


Black night is falling
The sun is gone to bed
The innocent are dreaming
As you should sleepy-head
Sleepy-head, sleepy-head

All the love above
I send into you
Comfort and protection
I'll watch over you
But don't ask me
What's gonna happen next
I know the future
I'd love to lead you the way
Just to make it easier on you

You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself

My
Dearest
Scatterheart
There is comfort
Right in the eye
Of the hurricane


Just to make it easier on you

You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself

All the hurt in the world
You know
There's nothing I'd love to do more
Than spare you from that burden
It's gonna be hard
If I only could
Shelter you
From that pain
Just to make it easier on you

You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself
You are gonna have to find out for yourself

Feb. 3rd, 2010

Short and Meh

lol - was listening to music and this played in my head. Figured I would write it down, then post it.

Hands up. Beat. Swaying hips. Sweat. Movement. Bright lights.

Hands above her head, eyes closed as she feels the vibrations from the speakers flow through her sneakers. Step kick, spin. She is the only one there, though there are hundreds of people there. She is in her own world as her hips sway to the face pace, flicking in time with the bass. Mixing dancing styles from all over she at one moment flows with the slow point of the music before dancing and snapping like something from a movie from TV. Covered in sweat from the heat of the room and how long she's been dancing, yet she doesn't care. This is her passion. As the song ends, she seems to come out of a trance. Looking up at the DJ booth she screams and throws her hands up with a grin.

“Another!”

Just as soon as the music starts once more and the lights flick along with the bass, she falls back into a trance. As it starts, she at first is slow, matching the sound. Soon it picks up, causing her to move faster. Now she's in her place. She keeps her eyes closed, the lights flashing bright enough for her to see behind her eyes. Her sneakers tap against the floor as she continues, not one part of her body sitting. Rolling her hips, moving her arms, looking like a mix of some sort of exotic dancing and belly dancing.

“What to do when the music starts to drop. That's when we take it to the parking lot.”

Bouncing. Beat. Foot tap. Spin. Bass.

She was on top of the world, noting could touch her here. This was better than any physical high. There was nothing she couldn't do. As she danced she felt all of her worries fall away. Money, home, work, people. Everything just vibrated into the floor as she continued to twist. At one point, without her even realizing she had done it, she had began to even drop to the floor, wiggling her hips. Though soon she feels as if someone is watching her, the feeling enough to actually pull her from her trance. Looking up, blue eyes meet blue as they lock eyes.

Love at first dance.

 

Feb. 1st, 2010

Writing

Reaching, reaching as far as possible. Just a little farther! We're so close! Hanging from the edge, only an arm and a leg keeping us from falling. How did this happen, how are we both now swaying and screaming to each other not to give up.

“Luis! Don't let go! Please! Don't fall! I don't want to lose you...”

Friends, that's all that we are. But it's hard to tell. I consider him my brother... Simply because in times like this before he always had my back. But how far have we fallen, what new levels of hell is this. Now, hanging from the edge, one of us secure as the other hangs by a limb. Tears from both eyes simply blow away in the cold wind as I watch him sway.

“Luis, please grab my hand... Brother, you have to come back up... Just stretch! Just reach! You can do it! I believe in you...”

But his only response is to look up at me with sorrow filled eyes, broken eyes. Eyes that have seen many wrong doings, and obviously have seen a lot of hurt

“Luis... You can't give up...”

Just looking into the eyes of my brother, it reminds me of myself. Maybe that's another reason why I'm trying to save him from his own spiraling disaster. Maybe the thoughts of me being able to crawl from the same spot with help from others makes me believe that my brother, who I always saw as so strong... Could do it to? Looking into his eyes, it causes a flashback of a time of my life that I tried to keep buried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“My god, you're such a stalker! Just go away already, Laura! You know how I feel about you... Won't you just go away already?!”

Flinching as I hear the door slam, tears running down my face, hands balled into fists as it feels as if someone just stabbed me in the stomach repeatedly. Pain, if only it was physical though. I could at least medicate the pain away... But no, this is deeper. This is on an emotional level.

“Yeah... I know... You said that you loved me...” Shaking, standing to my feet and just turning to go back to my room and lay face up on my bed and stare at my ceiling as I shake. I can't cry out loud, I can't make a sound. Speechless. A smile plays across my face, but this is no normal smile. This is the smile of a broken woman.

“You'll come back when she refuses to stay with you... You always do, Robert... And like a fool, I'm going to fall for you once more and ask myself why I even doubted us in the first place... That you were just exploring...”

Closing my eyes, trying not to scream. The neighbors might hear. Again... If only this was physical... I could medicate it. But... There is one way to medicate this sort of pain... But I won't think of that right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Laura... I can't... I'm so tired. I'm so tired of trying. I'm so tired...”

I watch him begin to slip, wailing, I try to get his attention. Anything, just to make him try...


“Luis! Don't you dare! You promised me that you would be there if I ever got married... You promised me! You Promised! And you said I could always trust your promises... Remember?! You said you wouldn't leave me, Luis! Brother! Please!”

He looks up, and it's a surprise. There's a spark there. Good, bad, or indifferent, it's there. There's some sort of fire there.

“You promised me in that email that we would always be friends... That nothing would be able to separate us... And if you're going to make this jump, then Luis? You're lying to me!”

Again, a spark, but after the spark dies, I see him fall back down into his own misery.

“Please... Can't we at least talk about this on solid ground?”


Shaking his head hard he looks down at the black below him.


“Laura... I just want to die... Please... Give me that... Let me die...”

That phrase... It knocks the wind out of my chest. I've heard it before. I've said it before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Mary... I just want to die... Please... Give me that... Let me die...”

Staring down the neck of a darkly tinted bottle, I try to ignore the tears from the girl across from me on the bed.

“It's over... He's never coming back. He's never going to come back...”

Slamming her fits down on the bed, she reaches out quickly and takes the bottle from me, though it's not quite hard considering I can't even really tell where I am. My world is spinning, I see double. I feel as if I'm going to pass out soon...


“Laura, goddamnit! Don't you dare give up on me! You're my sister, and you know better than to... to... let your life just fade away! You of all people need to have the choice of dieing in a far better way than drinking yourself to your own grave!”

I try to ignore her words. It's not true. It's just like he said. I'm a freak, I'm stupid, I'm not special. I'm just a stalker. Shaking my head furiously, balling my hands into fists as I rub at my eyes drunkenly to attempt to keep from crying.


“S-shut up! You don't understand! Mary, my life... half of my life... Just... gone. I spent half of my life with him!...”

She sits the bottle to the side before pulling me into a hug, just petting my back.


“Baby, I know... I know it hurts... But you have to push past this. For those who care about you... You have to push past this. You have friends who need you. Think of Carolyn, and your mom, your family... Your friends. We all need you, babe... Just pull out of this.”

All I can do is cry, only that. Just before the vomiting starts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Please... Luis. Please come back up on land... We can talk this over.”

He turns from the black bellow to look at me. Those eyes. Broken. Empty. Scared.

“Luis... I've been where you are. I've looked down the barrel of my own life, and questioned if I would be better dead or alive. Look where I am today. I didn't give up, and I never made the promise that you did.”

“But you don't understand! I wasted my life on him! He... He said he loved me!”

Again, leaving me breathless. I shake the tears from my eyes before I stretch even harder.

“He said that he would be there for me, and that we would be together. But it was always just after one more fling. To get it out of his system!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Staring at him with loving eyes. I can't believe I would ever be mad at him as he stares at me so lovingly. Holding hands and watching each other as if we were the only ones in the world.

“Baby, that other girl was just a fling... I promise. I would never say those things to you! She put me up to it...”

He pets my hand as he watches, but what I don't see is the lies. All of what he's saying. Every poisonous and manipulative word coming from his mouth is a lie. I can see the look he's putting on his face, but I forget to not only look at his eyes, but into his eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul.


“So... we... we can finally try again, can't we? That was your last fling? Robert, you promised...”

He just lowers his head.

“Robert! You promised!”

He acts as if he's upset that I'm yelling, and I instantly feel bad.


“Babe! I just got over the other relationship... Give me some time. I promise that we can try... Just let me heal from my encounter with Celest... Please?”

And like a fool, I don't look. I don't see the signs. I just sigh and nod. With a kiss on my cheek, he leaves. Leaning back on my bed, I can't help but feel at least a little bit excited. He said we can try!
  Only one problem. That time never comes. Weeks go by before I ask him again, and I get the same response. More time goes back, and more. And I ask again, and his response was the same as the last time. To call me a stalker, too clingy, too emotional, and just not his type. That he found a chick that was nothing like me, and that I should just stop talking to him. Once more I find myself staring down the neck of the bottle, watching the last drops of some strange liqueur forming at the bottom. With a glance I look to my bed side table where the gun my mother lays beside me. I could just end the pain he's caused.

I could just end it all. This pain, all the pain together. Being alone. Forgotten. Being used, abused. That alone triggers more and more memories, all rushing, all causing my head to spin. I see my own father, telling me he wanted nothing to do with me. I wasn't his little BOY that he wanted. That I was just a miserable failure. That I was too fat, and that I wouldn't fit in. I see a blank face, drunk, shaking me by the shoulders and screaming that I was a fuck up. That I fucked up in school, that I fuck up at home, that I fuck up in everything. That I'll never amount to anything. It's not my father, but it's someone I know I knew at one point. I was staying the night, but where. I don't know. The memory is foggy to me... But I remember those words. So clearly. They still echo in my head, and bounce from one ear to the next every time I mess up. Closing my eyes, I see the face. It's black, but I see a hat, and beer bottles on the floor.

“You little fuckup! You fuck up in everything, don't you?! ANSWER ME!”

All I can do is shake my head and cry.

“N-No...I'm not...”

He shakes me again, screaming in my face. My weakness, screaming. Like a deer in the headlights, it causes me to pause.


“Yes you do! Yes you are! You fucked up your life, that's why you live with your dad! You fucked up at school, you fucked up at home, you fuck up in everything you do! You'll never amount to anything! You know, for once, think of the rest of the world for a damn change and just kill yourself before you can do any real damage on the world!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Laura... I'm a fuck up. I can't do anything right. I'm just a manipulator. I'm a liar, a whore. Why won't you just let me die. Why won't you just let me make the world a little bit brighter?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Those words now bounce around in my head as I hold the bottle, staring at the black shiny surface of the gun. I could just make the world a little brighter... If I just... do it. Reaching for the gun, I fail to hear the car doors outside, but Iit's amazing with what accuracy a pair of drunk and shaky hands can pull back the hammer on a gun. Without thinking, I pull it back and cock it, just like I was taught at the firing range.

“Maybe... I can make the world a little brighter... Maybe the world doesn't need me. No one really needs me. They're all going to leave. All of them. Online or not. Jake, Sidi, Mary, MateKa... All of them. They're all going to forget me... I'm just the back burner bitch...”

As I put the gun to my head though, I hear a scream from my bedroom door. Looking up into the horrified face of my mother all I can do is freeze.


“M.....Mom....”

She just holds her hands out, attempting to get close enough to take the gun away.

“Mom.... I just.... Want out of this life. I can't take it anymore... I'm so alone...”

I fail to even realize that she's close enough to grab the gun, and before I can even think she's put it to the side, deactivated it, and is hugging me close as she cries and rocks me back and forth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Luis. I didn't give up, but I almost did! Mom came in and stopped me. You remember that. Please... Let me be mom in this situation. Please?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Mom...”

Crying, I turn and cling to her tightly as I shake.

“Mom, I need help... I need... help. Mom, I'm so scared. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! Mama... Please help me...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Laura...”

Turning to look down at the black below him one more time, he looks up at me, swinging just enough to grab my hand, gripping it tightly as tears stream down his face.

“I don't want to die... Please... Help me...”

Just as he grabs my hand, the limb he had been hanging from falls from the side of the cliff. Now, I'm the only thing he's resting on. I can't fail now. Pulling, twisting, but never letting go. Pulling, pain, soreness. But we make it. Leaning over to hug him closely as we sit there shaking, we cry as he pulls me away and holds me at arms length.


“I don't know how you found me... Or why you even care. But... why?”

“Luis, I've been where you've been...”

Moving to grab onto his hands and stare at his dirty and wet face, for the first time ever I don't flinch as I look into someone's eyes.

“Why don't I tell you how I understand?...”

I explain everything. Every story, every word that has ever been forced into my head. He can only look at me and stare before finally answering.


“How are you still here? What has kept you sane? All of that... And you're not in an asylum?”

I can't help but smile. All of that that I tell him, at least 2 years in my past. Today, I sit in front of him a changed woman. The man manipulator? Gone. I finally gave him the boot. I've never seen that dark man again. My dad? Cut him from my life, we don't speak anymore. But one thing I've come to realize... Friends are everything. Friendship, Hope, Love... Light. An inner light that never goes out, no matter how dim it may seem. I see the faces of the people who have held me up the highest. I see Carolyn, a brave woman who continues to fight, no matter what has come her way. I see my mother, a mixed bag; if you will. She may have her moments when she yells, and becomes something I'm not quite use to, but she only means well. I love her all the same. I see my family... all strong, all loving, all kind. Tears stream down my face as more and more people come to mind. I see Roger, one of the best men I've ever known. Just like I had, he had been through rough relationships, but he didn't give up either. He almost did. Like all people who reach that final low, there was a moment where it was just a hairs breath away from life or death. But just the same; Fate, like a gentle breeze, will blow through and whisper 'Don't give up'. His life? A simple coin flip. Mine, a few seconds from a trigger pull. Family, friends, and even just every day people on the street. A smile, a hug, a wave. All of it. Filling me from the bottom of my heart.


“I realized something...”

He leans a little closer as he sees me starting to cry. Looking up at him, he realizes I'm not crying because I'm sad... But because I'm happy. There's a light that he hadn't seen in my eyes for over 10 years. And looking into his eyes, I see a spark, one that this time doesn't dim.


“I realized... That as long as you have at least one person in your life... And you have someone to love you... That nothing is too hard to overcome. You just have to find your light, Luis. And hold onto it as tightly as you can. Because no matter how tight you hold onto it, it will never go out. It's always there, and it will always light whatever darkness comes your way...”

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