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Monday, September 30th, 2013
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11:12 pm - A Story: Red, Wet, and Blue - Part 2
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He starts going back and taking peeks at the site before closing it and chastising himself. But he keeps doing it, and after awhile that shame turns into the smallest spark of curiosity. He makes a mostly blank profile, and a week later he reaches out to someone for the first time. He's scared, and so nervous that his fingers shake while he's typing out the short segments of conversation and questions he has for this other guy with a cute icon. This guy wears diapers too, and even thinks it's cute that Tom does. Tom is shocked. This guy doesn't care? He does it too? Cute? Eventually Tom gets braver and starts building up his profile and talking to some of the girls on the site. Tom had never even dared think that a girl could like him, let alone that she might actually like the fact that he wore diapers.
Tom suddenly has friends, and a place he hangs out at, even if it's all online. He feel, well, a little bit good about himself, and not everything seems so difficult as it once did. Those internet friends turn real as they all agree to meet up at one guys house where it's no big deal if you're wearing diapers because everyone is. Tom's never been more scared in his life, and almost turns around, his finger poised above the doorbell, when someone answer the door and asks him who he is. He voice quakes, but he says his name and the guy's face lights up. It one of the guy's he's been talking to for a year now. The little get together goes great, and they keep doing them regularly. Tom even starts hanging out with one the girls he met who also wears.
Sometimes Tom still cries, but it's not because he's ashamed, it's because he didn't know it was possible to be this happy.
So now enter a bunch of people, people who don't know Tom at all, both on and off the internet, that go out of their way to make fun of Tom because he's part of a community that's okay with wearing diapers, and even finds it sexy. The lash out — projecting their own insecurities, or from a sense of superiority, or because they've been bullied too — and try and replace Tom's new found happiness with the guilt and shame he felt before, and for what? A laugh? So they can feel like they're not the weird ones anymore? What ever drives them to act and say the things they do, it's their actions which are shameful.
We're taught to believe that happiness is the default in this life, and that if you're sad it's your own doing. However, in my experience happiness is hard-earned and often hard to find even when you try. Life is difficult enough without us trying to tear each other down. Be thankful for the happiness you find, cherish it, and be happy for those who have also found it.
Much of the emotions I used to write this came from my early days in furry. I hope you can find a part of your own life in this story, and understand why there's nothing good that comes from bullying others. Save that energy to find happiness instead, and help others do the same.
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11:11 pm - A Story: Red, Wet, and Blue - Part 1
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(I get a lot of random story ideas all the time, this one you can thank Louis CK for making me feel like it's worth telling, as it's a little rough around the emotional edges. It's also fiction.)
So there's this guy, college freshman or there abouts, and he's rushing home. It's late, so there's not much traffic and it's not really a big deal, but his luck runs out. There's a cop stopped at one of the intersections he flew threw, and a few moments later he see's red and blue flashing in his mirror.
This kid's a mess. He's chanting, "no, no, no" to himself while he sits there, unable to sit still with that spot light shining at the back of his head while he waits for the cop to get out and come over. He finally does, taking his time, or so the kid thinks, and makes his way over and tells him to roll down his window. Now he takes one looks at this kids, worried as hell and can't sit still and knows something is up. He asks him if he knows why he stopped him and the kid admits he was speeding and says he needs to get home. He asks the kid if he's had anything to drink or done anything else, and the kid say no, just coffee and says again that he needs to get home. Cop asks him why he needs to get home and he says he just does, and now there's anger in his voice. Cop asks him to step out the car, and the kid's eyes get all shifty and he pleads with the cop to let him just get home. Cop asks him again to step out the car.
Now the knows something is wrong cuz this kid is moving around in all kinds of weird little ways, so he takes his time shining his flashlight through the windows as he walks around the car, letting his cruiser's dash-cam get it all on the record. The makes it back around and is about to ask the kid to open the trunk for him when the kid's seem to go all tense and starts chanting, "no, no no!" through clenched teeth. The cop's about to ask him something, then notices something. He shines his flashlight on the kid's crotch and see that he's pissing himself. Now, the cop's seen drunks piss themselves before, but he didn't smell alcohol when the kid rolled down his window, and anyway you gotta be really hammered to piss yourself.
The kid starts shaking, holding his crotch as a puddle forms on the ground. He starts shouting, tears rolling down his face. "I have bladder problem! I just want to go home, please!"
The kid looks up into the cop's face with bleary eyes. God, the kid thinks, it would have been better if the guy had just started laughing at him, anything would have been better than what he did. He was too embarrassed to look the kid in the eyes. The kid slumps against the car and just keeps crying. The cop half goes for his breathalyzer, then puts it back, gets in his car, and drives away.
This kid's had this problem his whole life. Wetted the bed until his parents would scream at him because he was going to start junior high the next day. Was lucky enough to have never had an accident in class, but if you're different everyone notices, and so they called him toilet Tom. He wasn't great at making friends to begin with, but after he had had to rush out of gym class and change pants alone in the locker room he had decided to wear adult diapers in addition to the medication he was taking, and he was just too ashamed to reach out to anyone. Suicide had crossed this kid's mind more than once.
So this kid is ignoring his Dad's calls for him to get a life for the thousandth time and is running around the internet when he stumbles across a comedy site that finds websites to make fun of, and today it's about ABDls. At first he appalled, all that built up shame rushing to project onto someone who would put it out there that they wear diapers. He closes the browser, angry and ashamed but not really understanding why, and tries to forget about it.
But he can't.
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| Monday, September 23rd, 2013
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11:16 pm - Happiness: Days 5-8
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Through the clouds, sunlight peeks, four rays at a time
1) During my flight back to see my parents I got the time to indulge an aspect of the endeavor that I had initially overlooked: meditation. It was very productive and helped me unwind a complex set of emotional issues I was dealing with, and let me understand myself and my situation. This really took a weight of my shoulders, and made me feel better about myself. I look forward to integrating this more regularly into my routine.
2) I got to watch an MMA match and a talk given by John Waters with my oldest friend. It's always good to see him, and getting to see a stunningly good title fight along with the addition of some inspiring counter-culture talk really made my night. I also got to go to a very enjoyable outdoor art festival with my parents. If only I made "art" money. ;P
3) Getting back to my fox and watching the seventh installment of Harry Potter after some heart-pounding unfings was a fantastic way to end a good weekend.
4) A friend apologized for hurting me, and told me how much I meant to them. It was touching, and I feel much better now — not only about what's past, but what's yet to come.
Break the 3rd seal and free joy, quadruple strength
1) Chad: My oldest friend, who fills my life with unique perspectives and experiences I can't imagine finding anywhere else. 2) Val: It scary sometimes how well we know and care about each other. Solidarity and snuggles! 3) Lone: A wonderful friend who's helped foster my writing skills, and has been there as long as my fox has, sharing all the good times. 4) Red: Though we've grown apart in so many ways, he was there in the beginning of furry for me in every way I needed. It's the kind of gift that can never be repaid, only paid forward. 5) Static: Though now an ex in many ways, our friendship was an incredibly positive force in my life, and I wouldn't trade the memories for anything. 6) Vish: One of the very few people I look up to. Warm-hearted, kind, and generous, he always add such substance to every experience that it just makes you smile. 7) Jacob (& friends): This group gave me so many experiences from so many different perspectives, but the one I valued the most was the one who enjoyed enduring 10,000 Pikachu and Fox fights with me over late nights. 8) Scott: Someone I never meant to lose touch with but did, Scott was a wonderful influence on my philosophy and outlook on life. Smart, always full of laughter, and had great stories to share. I really need to track him down again. 9) Trevor: The trip I took in high school to Texas to visit my best friend from 8th grade changed me, as did so many other of our experiences, even though it all seemed so short lived. I found him again, but haven't yet given this friendship the time it truly deserves. 10) The Class Menagerie: I've tried on several occasions to thank the creator of this web comic for the impact it had on my life. I connected so deeply with these furry college characters during my lonely and lost high school years that they felt like friends to me, and somehow made me a better person through their imaginary actions. They still feel like lost college friends. 11) Gifford: I love how unsuspecting you look with your chew and farmers hat while doing math and programming that made my head spin. He drove me to be a better student, and taught me so much while showing a generous amount of patience for my ADHD and social distractions. 12) Calvin & Hobbes: You were everything: furry, philosophical, hilarious, touching, a companion on trips, an inspiration to keep reading. I can't even begin to imagine how many times I've poured over the incorrigible antics of these two wonderful friends. I'm always excited to find the next person who hasn't read this so I can share it with them.
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| Thursday, September 19th, 2013
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10:13 pm - Happiness: Day 4
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Through the clouds, sunlight peeks Tonight I watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with my fox. It's a fantastic movie in a fantastic series. I love all the magical artifacts. Artifacts are undoubtedly my favorite aspect of fantasy, and books in particular have a soft spot in my heart, which is probably why one is integral to the book I'm currently writing. ^.^
Break the 3rd seal and free joy 1) Integrity - Though I'm far from perfect at this, I strive to adhere to my own convictions of what's right and wrong even when it is inconvenient a down-right pain. 2) Perseverance I'm proud to say I've fostered an inner strength that allows me to stand against and overcome adversity while helping other do the same. 3) Self Control Though some who know me best might scoff or even outright laugh at this as I am prone to emotionally heated responses when faced with the right provocation. However, I have made great strides in this regard, and continue to improve, and for that I am thankful.
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| Wednesday, September 18th, 2013
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10:30 pm - Happiness: Day 3
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A long day and a couples small disappointments were all there is to speak of, and beyond that I'll leave them unspoken.
Through the clouds, sunlight peeks Today a new friend of mine received a package of books I sent him. Sharing both an enjoyment of reading and books I myself have enjoyed always gives me a good feeling. I remember how much I disliked reading after having to endure a number of, imo, bland "classics," and how my love for reading really blossomed after I found lesser known books in genres I truly loved.
Break the 3rd seal and embrace joy 1) Magic: The Gathering - It's been with me for almost 20 years at this point, and it still brings me a lot of joy and mental challenge. 2) Our House - My fox and I were able to get our first house (the one we're currently in) when I was quite young for such a purchase. I don't know that I ever had any notions about when or if I would own a house, but we've really made it ours, and I'm proud and happy to have it. 3) My Car - Since they first released the new versions, I had always wanted an Outback. A humble dream car to be sure, but I finally got it last year. I'm glad to have gotten the exact car I wanted, but what was special about it was that it was the first car I owned that I had earned myself, and that accomplishment is worth feeling good about.
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| Tuesday, September 17th, 2013
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7:00 pm - Happiness: Day 2
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Life is really testing my resolve. Between working late on a high pressure project and someone really hurting me emotionally it's very difficult to see the silver lining, but I persevere as best I can. Before I get to it, however, I want to reiterate a few points that arose out of the hurtful conversion:
- A lie by omission is still a lie. - You will never hurt someone as much by being open and upfront about something as you will by trying to hide it and hope they don't notice. - Even if a decision you make turns out to be the right one, that doesn't absolve from responsibility in the situation, nor does it mean you won't hurt people with that decision.
Through the clouds, sunlight peeks
Dealing with issues like these that threaten tears and leave me with a heavy heart only make it all the more easy to see how lucky I am that I don't have to endure it alone. My sweet fox held my paw and told me everything would be okay, and I believe him.
Break the 3rd seal and embrace joy 1) Fursuits: They're just so stupidly wonderful. Few things make me smile as honestly as being in fursuit, or snuggling someone who is. 2) Friends: Though some have come and gone, and others disappoint, there are more than some who bring me greater fulfillment and happiness. I couldn't make it without you all. 3) Perseverenece: I'm proud to have reached a point where I have the strength to weather adversity and continue forward.
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| Monday, September 16th, 2013
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9:30 pm - Happiness
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The video, in addition to being hilarious, details several everyday activities which you can perform to rewire your mind to focus on the positive aspects of life to increase your overall happiness. Two of those activities are identifying three things you're grateful for each day for 21 days, and detailing something positive that's happened. I'll be doing just that. ^.^
I've chosen to tackle this task now for two reasons. The first is that I feel negativity and anxiety too easily creep into my thoughts and I'd like to see that change. The second is that the mass exodus that has occurred here — and sadly has yet to fully abate — is finally sinking in and taking its toll on me. My friends took so much with them when they left. In addition to the emotional closeness I felt and had carefully cultivated over our time together, they took where and what Tek and I did with our time. We're now in the process of adjusting to this change, and it's been difficult. I'm hoping that this daily regimen will help ease this unavoidable transition.
The bright side of life
Today the fox and I got to watch the newest episode of Breaking Bad. This has been one of the most intense and well written shows I've ever seen, and I always enjoy getting see the next page turn.
Open the 3rd seal to reveal jubilation 1) Family: It may seem a cop-out, but I wouldn't be who I am without them. 2) Furry: I didn't know how much happiness I was capable of experiencing until I discovered this community. 3) Fox: The one who walks this path with me. I could ask for no better.
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| Sunday, April 28th, 2013
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8:55 pm - The Company You Keep
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I made a post regarding my thoughts on "The Company You Keep", youth rebellion, and The Weather Underground: http://www.direprophecies.com/?p=114
Feel free to respond in either location, I'll check and repsond in both places.
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| Thursday, November 1st, 2012
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4:53 pm - Abortion in the instance of rape
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Forgive me if this is a poor offering to the overall debate. I felt it worth trying to express how I felt. If nothing else, I hope to learn more about myself from writing it down, and perhaps more about the topic once some comments come in. Either way, thanks for reading.
There has been a recent resurgence of focus on the topic of abortion, and specifically those instances where the cause given is rape or incest, due to some rather appalling statements made by conservative religious politicians. What struck me the most about these arguments was that the politicians felt that adding an abortion on top of rape was making a bad situation worse, thus they felt their opposition to all abortion justified due to a decrease in overall social and moral harm. It’s that opinion I want to address.
To better frame my argument, let’s quickly go over the nature of the discourse surrounding abortions, and my personal views and opinions. As a quick note, I would point out that regardless of whether or not you are for or against the practice of abortions, if you believe this to be a simple topic, then you are very mistaken.
( BackgroundRamblingsCollapse )
( My Opinion on Abortion SummarizedCollapse )
Now that all that is behind us, let’s look at the actual issue at hand: abortions as a result of rape or incest. Currently, each accounts for 1% and <1%, respectively. I cannot think of a less productive path when pursuing popular acceptance than being unwilling to compromise on 2% of a given topic, especially when that 2% is as terrible as it is. Simply from a numbers and tactical perspective, I believe conservative religions individuals should relent from condemning this 2%.
( IncestCollapse )
( RapeCollapse )
No, we as a society cannot risk emboldening or encouraging rapist, nor can we reasonably demand or prevent an abortion in the case of rape. This is truly a freedom of decision that must be allowed to women in order to prevent greater and more extensive harms.
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| Monday, October 22nd, 2012
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11:26 am - The Mormon Oath of Vengence
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Until ≈1930, Mormons were required to take a oath of vengeance against the United States for the Death of Joseph Smith. Despite that these teachings have since ceased to be a part of Temple Ceremonies, it seems very likely that generations of current Mormons have been instilled with this belief since childhood, and my still secretly teach their children to adhere to it.
1845 Version: "You do solemnly swear, in the presence of Almighty God, his holy angels, and these witnesses, that you will avenge the blood of Joseph Smith upon this nation; and so teach your children; and that you will from this day henceforth and forever begin and carry out hostility against this nation, and keep the same a profound secret now and ever. So help you God."
1890 Version: "You and each of you do covenant and promise that you will pray and never cease to pray to Almighty God to avenge the blood of the prophets upon this nation, and that you will teach the same to your children and to your children's children unto the third and fourth generation."
Which isn't surprising, given a history of not shirking from the use of violence:
“If the people let us alone, we will preach the gospel in peace. But if they come on us to molest us, we will establish our religion with the sword. We will trample down our enemies and make it one gore of blood…from the Rocky Mountains to the Atlantic Ocean. I will be to this generation a 2nd Muhammad, whose motto in treating for peace was ‘the Al-Qur’an or the sword.’ So shall it be with us — ‘Joseph Smith or the sword!’ (See History of the Church, Vol. 3, p. 167).”
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| Friday, October 21st, 2011
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10:12 am - Sexism in Furry
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There are generally three forms of sexism that exist (everywhere, not just in furry): Type_1 -blatant, Type_2 - unconscious, and Type_3 -insensitive. Type_1 is rare in this day and age, and is when someone both does and says sexist things, fully aware of the meaning behind it. Type_2 is when we do or say something sexist without realizing that it is. This might be favoring someone of the same sex over someone of the opposite sex, or holding some bias or opinion that is rooted in sexism. Type_3 is a lighter shade of "unconscious," and usually comes in the form of making jokes or using language that isn't intended to offend, but is still sexist.
A complaint that I have heard voiced by several women in furry is that men in furry (perhaps gay men a bit more so) are sexist. According to those I've spoken with, the most common manifestations of this is ignoring women in one fashion or another, and making what I'll call "girls are icky" comments (primarily on FA). Certainly some of this is Type_2, and perhaps a bit of Type_1. When it's Type_1 and the person is gay, I suspect it stems from a rejection of societal norm that is being projected onto the female sex, and I feel most of Type_2 are just immature expressions of preference mixed with societal conditioning. Not that this is an excuse for either, but it's important to understand where they come from if we ever have any hope of addressing them.
Now, contrary to the belief of many, there is a fourth type of sexism, societal. Men and woman in our society exist separately for the most part. Different bathrooms, teams, sides of the dance floor, etc. Some of this is ingrained in us as we will naturally be drawn to those most similar to ourselves, but beyond that it is very much reinforced to us that men and woman are separate. Now, this aspect of our society may have its roots in Type_1 sexism (and certainly religious views of propriety), but now it is primarily an in-group division that most people don’t even consciously realize exist or understand.
Because sexes are separated groups, for people from either side to connect with a person from the other side requires a bridge of some sort. The most common bridge in our society is sexual attraction. Certainly there are other bridges –and for some the gap is so close a step will suffice – but this is primarily where it happens. So now we can see the roots of the problem in furry. If you’re a gay man who has grown up in our society, you lack the sexual attraction to women, and thus lack access to the bridge that would bring you together.
Type_1-3 sexism is something we need to identify and speak out against when we hear it because that’s how we will overcome it. However, we also need to recognize when someone is mistaking those for Type_4, because we’ll end up trying unscrew a nail. Moving forward, both sexes are going to need to take steps to bridge the gap for reasons other than sex (though sex is still okay) if we are ever to have hope of removing this societal, bi-directional sexism, and make a lot of new and we also need to recognize when someone is mistaking those for Type_4, because we’ll end up trying unscrew a nail. Moving forward, both sexes are going to need to take steps to bridge the gap for reasons other than sex (though sex is still okay) if we are ever to have hope of removing this societal, bi-directional sexism, and make a lot of new and
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| Tuesday, July 12th, 2011
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6:49 pm - Fox Trot: fursuit-friendly dance in FoCo
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| Thursday, December 30th, 2010
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11:32 am - Violent, Electronic Skies
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Yesterday I read an article about an elderly man who assaulted a 15 year old who refused to turn his cell phone off a the request of flight attendants.
The article itself is nothing much of note as altercations, physical or otherwise, occur all the time between people for any number of reasons. What struck me as strange about this incident was the near unanimous response of those in the comments from multiple sources that: 1) The kid was being a douchy youth. 2) He was clearly in violation of laws, both legal and societal, putting all the passengers at a significant risk by using a device that bring down the plane. 3) The guy his a hero and should have been allowed to rain pain down on this kid from on high.
The public perception is clearly that those in authority, the airlines, know their business, and should be followed lest the rest of us meet with certain, screaming, incendiary death. However, how accurate is this perception? The truth - and quite unsurprisingly to me - is that it is not accurate at all.
Back in 1991, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) banned passengers from using their cell phones while on board an airplane that is in flight. The ban was instituted because the FCC suspected that the radio frequency emitted by cell phones could malfunction an airplane's equipment systems.
However, A 1996 study commissioned by the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration looked at thousands of flight records and failed to find a single instance in which equipment was affected by a wireless phone. The study was conducted by RTCA Inc., a nonprofit organization that sets industry standards for airplane electronics. In fact, the head of RTCA said that, "The airlines are misleading the traveling public, and that there is no real connection between cell-phone frequencies and the frequencies of the navigation or communications systems."
When anything goes wrong on a flight, pilots or operators are required to file "incident reports," which are collected in a database kept by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. RTCA, which began its study in 1992, sifted through a decade's worth of such incident reports, about 70,000 in all, covering both commercial and private flights. RTCA, formerly called the Radio Technical Commission for Aeronautics, also was given access to confidential reports kept by some airlines in later years.
Of 384 incidents that pilots suspected involved electronic interference, RTCA found most were baseless or didn't appear to be related to any electronics. Only ten "had the potential for being interference from electronic devices carried onboard," says Mr. Sheehan. Of those ten, none involved a cell phone.
The airlines need to update their policies, and stop trying to scare and harass their passengers with outdated and uninformed rules.
Another Study/Review of the data
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| Wednesday, November 24th, 2010
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10:49 am - Daily pill cuts HIV infection rates by 70%
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Read this article. It has answers to a broad range of questions regarding this pill, Truvada.
Though I don't think this is likely true amongst my friends, keep in mind that this drug, if used, should only be used to enhance already safe-sex practices. Don't play odds you don't have to, because eventually you'll lose, and in this instances it's permanent and lethal. If you're still curious about the drug after reading the article, speak with a doctor or other qualified medical professional.
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| Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010
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9:41 am - I voted!
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Not a lot more to add to that, other than you need to as well. Get out there and support a better economy, gay rights, personal freedoms, and better funding to our social programs like schools. ^.^
current mood: accomplished
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| Tuesday, September 21st, 2010
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1:47 pm - Watch the universe fly by through a field of penis rocks
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| Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
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11:02 am - Pit of no return
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| Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
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3:19 pm - Nothing like the truth
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At first I was like:
And then I was like:
"Heaney said his team found otherwise. They grew pancreatic cancer cells in lab dishes and fed them both glucose and fructose.
Tumor cells thrive on sugar but they used the fructose to proliferate. "Importantly, fructose and glucose metabolism are quite different," Heaney's team wrote.
"I think this paper has a lot of public health implications. Hopefully, at the federal level there will be some effort to step back on the amount of high fructose corn syrup in our diets," Heaney said in a statement."
And...
"A 2007 study conducted at Rutgers University tested 11 different carbonated beverages containing HFCS and found “astonishingly high” amounts of reactive carbonyls. Reactive carbonyls are believed to cause cell and tissue damage that could lead to diabetes. Reactive carbonyls are not found in regular table sugar."
And...
"HFCS also chelates minerals in our blood, causing deficiencies in certain nutrients like chromium, zinc and copper. Every cell in the body uses glucose, but fructose can only be metabolized in the liver. Studies have shown that a diet high in HFCS and sugar can cause liver disease, just like that found in alcoholics"
And...
"A diet high in HFCS is now believed to cause insulin resistance, gout, high cholesterol and fat to accumulate in the body. It causes gout because HFCS raises the uric acid levels of the body. Over consumption of fructose also leads to high triglycerides, which can be a sign of heart disease and diabetes. A diet high in high fructose corn syrup raises blood pressure. All of these factors lead to what is called the metabolic syndrome"
[Source]
current mood: Concerned
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| Friday, July 23rd, 2010
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9:33 am - A supernatural tragedy
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(May be NSFW due to images of brutality toward children)
When I first heard about African parents turning away their children because they were witches, I wondered if it was simply a ploy to have them taken care of by someone else, perhaps someone like UNICEF, Amnesty International, or some other group or person(s) that might be give them a better opportunity in life. That was, however, I saw this video and heard accounts of the horrific tortures, and killings involved. This is undoubtedly a terrible combination of ignorance and belief in the supernatural coming together yet again to spread fear and grave suffering.
If you are given the chance to offer aid to African nations, do so through non-religious education funds. Knowledge can save many lives.
current mood: distraught
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| Tuesday, July 20th, 2010
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10:56 am - Inception: lose yourself in pure creation.
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I feel that it is exceptionally rate at this point that I encounter an idea which I feel is wholly outside of my previous experience, but Inception has managed to fall into that category. I agree with much of the hype floating around that this will likely be the best movie. It had the same weight of District 9, if not quite the same level of emotional involvement for me. I wholeheartedly suggest you see this movie. In fact, I suggest you see it at least twice like we plan to. There is so much going on in this movie that I really believe it bears seeing it a second time. ^.^
current mood: Amazed
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