Throwback

Covering Confrontation

It has been over a month since I wrote my post about Struggling with conviction – Head Coverings . During that time a couple from an orphanage we support in India came to visit and make a report to our church. The husband made his report with his wife by his side and then our pastor came up to pray for them. The wife calmly lifted her head covering from around her neck to cover her hair before the prayer and the expression on her face was so reverential, an expression that I thought of as beautiful submission.

That day I was sure that this symbol was something good and helpful for spiritual growth in a similar way to communion, which is covered in the same chapter; I Corinthians 11. The Corinthian church in their spiritual immaturity were in the first case ignoring one custom and making a mockery of the other.

I know I have gotten off track. I decided to talk to my wife on our Sunday afternoon walk. I told her about how I had been struggling with these convictions off and on over the last decade and had gone back to excepting the excuses that most every one else was making to ignore the head covering custom. I told her about watching it in action that Sunday when the couple from India visited and how beautiful I thought the symbolism was. And talked about how we should bring this symbolic custom back. She said nothing and continued to say nothing as if I had never spoken of this.

The next morning I left the head coverings I had bought in plain sight on top of her dresser and left for work. Finally on Friday night she asked to talk and she showed me this article at Bible.org

But the only part she wanted me to look at was this paragraph:

Today, however, the situation is quite different, at least in the West. For a woman to wear a head covering⁷ would seem to be a distinctively humiliating experience. Many women–even biblically submissive wives–resist the notion precisely because they feel awkward and self-conscious. But the head covering in Paul’s day was intended only to display the woman’s subordination, not her humiliation.

I replied with, I understand that you could feel this way but I think you will get sympathy where I will probably get ridiculed. I won’t go into the emotional storm that went on for the next 20 minutes but it ended with her finally conceding that she wasn’t closed to the notion and she asked if she could talk to her friends and pray about it. I agreed to that because this is a public action and those conversations are inevitable.

The second Sunday after this she surprised me by wearing a head covering even though she never got around to talking to her friends.

Strange Imagery / Customs

Imagine a marriage proposal. What are the images that come to mind? Most likely you picture a man down on one knee before his love with a ring in his out stretched hand.

I have spent over a decade prayerfully stripping away the influence of this world from my faith in Jesus Christ. There has been more ways the surrounding culture has influenced my mind and heart than I ever would have thought.

I remember daydreaming about proposing to my girlfriend. Imagining many different ways, locations and settings. One thing was always the same, getting down on one knee like a knight before royalty. Now that just seems like such a strange custom for a couple.

In the Bible we see the imagery of the church being the bride of our Lord. It gives me a queasy feeling to imagine our Lord taking a knee to ask to be my Lord. When he takes a knee to wash the filth from my feet, it is different, it is humbling and incites reverence in me. But for a proposal? I would think even if you are an egalitarian this custom should seem strange to petition a woman as if she were your sovereign.

I have come to believe that chivalry / courtly love and it’s customs need to be expunged from our christian walk.

Refreshing Father’s day sermon

Pastor began the sermon reading an article written by Jen Hatmaker that talked about how the parents of littles think they have so much control over how their children will turn out and the parents of bigs know better.

He went on to talk about how in modern parenting there are so many books and “experts” telling us how to parent “right”. This was followed by talking about when his kids were little and he was reading all those books by Dobson and the others popular at the time and how his Dad told him “you know we didn’t have all that, we just went to the Bible.” The take away summary being; All the books and resources are a distraction and leads to us putting God in a box.

Additional notes:

“If they turn out right it is God’s Grace and if they don’t, do not give up.”
“If God could not win our love with power, neither can we.”
“Let it go guys.” I think he is talking about regrets and guilt.
“Lift up holy hands. You have a father that wants to heal your hearts.”

In short; Pastor gave an encouraging sermon with no hint of the “Man Up” spirit.

Apparently a couple of wives had asked our pastor not to beat up the men this year. Yes, he actually said that.

The Redistribution of Authority

At times I find myself nostalgic for a time I never knew except through reading. A time most would decry as totalitarian and barbaric. When God setup the laws for his chosen people it was laws of patriarchy. Men had more rights than the world allows today.

The right of family governance is probably the most notable. Men could form a family, protect, guide and discipline with few restrictions compared to modern law.

A father could choose a husband for his daughter. Of course, depending on the kind of man he was this may not be good for her, but are women really doing any better making the choice for themselves. In marriage traditions this right is symbolized by the father giving the bride away but even this is fading away as it has lost all meaning.
A man could nullify the oath of his wife or daughter. Making oaths are serious business and it was understood that a women was more likely to make a rash oath based on feelings that could be a detriment to the family. Interestingly this was still acknowledged in our culture just 50 years ago when a woman could not get a credit card without the consent of a male relative.
A man could keep his wife. Sure she could run away but he had the authority to bring her back if he wanted.

This is a small sampling of rights that God’s law gave men that we no longer have because they were stolen by those in power. Power that is corrupt seeks more power, more authority but there is a finite amount of authority to go around so it must be taken by force or manipulation. In God’s law the goal was to strengthen families not the government. And God warned them that once they had a king he would take from their families. This is what happens, the powers that be want to educate your children and lessen our authority in the home with the end result being broken homes and a more malleable populace. As much as I would like to see America great again I don’t think it can happen unless we can get enough freedom to make our families great. Call me old fashioned but I still think father knows best. At twenty I didn’t believe that but after 30 years of marriage and six children I have become more like my earthly father and striving to be more like my heavenly Father. Benevolent, loving and to be feared.

Feminism in a nutshell

Feminism is the child of Lucifer. Just as Lucifer strives to take the authority from God so feminism strives to take the God ordained authority from men. Therefore feminists in truth are worshipers of Satan and use his tactics. Basically they are witches.

Struggling with conviction – Head Coverings

Recently on the Biblical Gender Roles blog was a post on head coverings. This has been something that has pricked my conscience from time to time over the last three decades. Then I would go to the Bible, then the commentators, ask a pastor and then the internet.

I have never really heard any convincing arguments concerning why the church has abandoned this practice.

I Corinthians 11 KJV

3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. 5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven. 6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. 7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. 8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. 10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. 11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. 12 For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. 13 Judge in yourselves*: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered? 14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? 15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering. 16 But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God.

It seems to me we are shameful for abandoning this practice.

Mother’s day Sermon – Expected Disappointment

Another Mother’s day sermon and another repeat of the complementarian lie to men.

Our pastor spoke of the strong, godly judge Deborah and then the wisdom of Solomon’s mother given to him in the first nine verses of Proverbs 31. He pointed out how wisdom is personified as a woman.
Then we went to Ephesians five joking about how dangerous that is in our culture. He gave a strong admonition to live God’s way and not by our culture. He exhorted wives to submit to their husbands even if they are jerks.
All good teaching! But then comes the tired lie I have heard so often and once believed. It goes something like this, Now men, this does not mean you tell your wife to submit. The word says that she is to be subject not that you should subjugate her. Your job is just to love her.

That is the end of the message. There may be no blatant lie there but the implication given by leaving out Paul’s description of what that love looks like, in my mind becomes a lie of omission.

So l will talk about those next four verses: 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

In these verses I read that a godly man should sacrificially love his wife as Christ loved the church, “that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.” I have heard so many sermons my whole life ( I am a preacher’s kid) and so many that stopped after verse 25. But, I came to another time of struggle in my marriage and pleading with God for insight. When I read those words, this time my focused was shifted. I began to see that my role as a husband was not to make her happy but to walk with her towards holiness. In verse 28 Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives as their own bodies. To truly care for your body do you give it whatever it wants? Or do you discipline it knowing that a healthy body can not be indulged and needs exercise. Paul also talks about this, although it is in another context, the principle is the same. I Corinthians 9:27 But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

According to God’s word marriage is a one flesh relationship with the husband as the head and responsible for that body to nourish it and cherish the relationship. Being a jerk, a tyrant does not accomplish that but the goal is still to bring the relationship into subjection to God. That requires grace, mercy and discipline.

I used relationship instead of wife in the last paragraph because together you are a body, one flesh so the head must lead the way in subjection. When I lack discipline my body suffers. I become fat, my possessions begin to fall apart and if I let this continue I become a slave. A slave to the weight to great to carry. A slave to addiction or even a slave to my or her emotions.

Telling husbands not to admonish a rebellious wife and just love her is not love it is apathy.

Grieved

I experienced another example of the abdication of men in the Western church. An elder and his wife were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. One of the pastors announced it from the pulpit to applause. As the applause died down the pastor asked for advice from the elder. Boldly the elder declared. “Do what she says!” The pastor replied, “That sounds like good advice, I won’t go there.”
It was all made to sound like a bit of a joke, but most know it is not. I grieve for the young men and women who are not receiving sound biblical teaching in this important area of life.

Relationship Agreement – feedback and analysis

In my earlier post I proposed a biblical based relationship agreement.

Since I have little readership at this point, I posted it on a christian sub-reddit.

Funny thing though, I got little feedback answering the questions I asked:

Do you see any value in this type of agreement? Why or why not?

Is there anything you would add or exclude?

I did trigger some enlightening responses.

SkimTheDross had issues with the legalistic nature of the agreement which I agree may be problematic for some couples. But I think some couples may find comfort in clearly defined roles and responsibilities. It seems to me that some personalities are drawn to this. Level of maturity is also a factor. The immature need clear rules and discipline to train them in righteousness.

Red-Curious thought this was an attempt to negotiate attraction. I replied: Never thought of it in terms of attraction. But this sort of thing seems to have caught on in some part because of it’s use by the fictional alpha in fifty shades. It is a way of getting explicit consent.

Origional_Username7 was enthusiastic about doing this type of agreement to protect himself from the type of harm his ex caused him.

Willow-girl in true feminist thinking suggested punishments for the husband.

My reply: God and the government take care of that and it can be hell.

Nyqil-Junkie had the most amusing comments:

Some woman is gonna make a fine desk ornament out of your testicles.

AND

Oh you’re gonna have the best marriage ever. I just wanna know how much tranquilizer this will take to get her to sign it. Like loopy she can still stand and talk levels or the full Cosby?

I found these to be the most valuable comments:

Deep_Strength

Or just do Bible studies with her on the Scriptural marital roles and responsibilities every so often and ask her questions to see what she thinks.

Good opportunity to teach her and/or see if she has an attitude that is prone to rebel if it’s not correctable (at which point you could dump her if you’re not married).

Check out his thought provoking blog.

NoFaithInThisSub

You wouldn’t need this contract if Christians only embraced the whole NT in its plain form.

Men do your bit, women do yours.

IMHO: This type of agreement is just a more detailed version of vows and may be useful to some people but it does nothing to foster love, submission or attraction and probably does little to nothing to protect you legally.

The relationship agreement experiment

Relationship Agreement

I heard about relationship agreements and marriage contracts so I thought I would write up sample agreement from a conservative Christian view.

Do you see any value in this type of agreement? Why or why not?

Is there anything you would add or exclude?

As followers of Jesus Christ we ________________ and ___________ agree to live out our marriage based on the authority of the holy scriptures and not according to the customs of the current culture.

Responsibilities
________________
The husband’s primary responsibility is to rule his wife with love.
The following responsibilities are for practical guidance in daily life.
The husband is responsible to provide financially for the wife’s care. This includes sufficient healthy food, adequate clothing and shelter appropriate for the environment and access to available and normative health care.
The husband must be forgiving so that bitterness does not ruin the relationship.
The husband is responsible to be emotionally and sexually available as needed except where it will interfere with other responsibilities.
The husband is responsible to encourage his wife’s spiritual, intellectual and emotional growth.
The husband is responsible for purchase and maintenance of property such as real estate, vehicles and appliances but may at his discretion delegate these responsibilities.
The husband will protect his wife to the best of his ability and willing to sacrifice his own life if necessary to protect her.
The husband must prayerfully consider any respectful appeal from his wife.
Relevant scriptures KJV:
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Genesis 3:15-16 KJV
heel. [16] Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow i and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to j thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
1 Corinthians 7:3-4 KJV
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: a and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

The wife’s primary responsibility is to respectfully submit to her husband.
The following responsibilities are for practical guidance in daily life. It is understood that life will get in the way.
The wife must be respectful to her husband.
The wife is responsible to be a helper to her husband and his mission. The type of help required can only be determined by her husband.
The wife is responsible to be available for sex as needed.
The wife is responsible for nurturing the children.
The wife must bring any problems with the family assets to the attention of her husband in a timely manner.
The wife is responsible for maintaining her health and appearance to a level acceptable to her husband.
The wife is responsible to develop a meek and quiet spirit.
The wife is responsible to dress modestly under the direction of her husband.
With the help of God, the wife is responsible to conceive children at her husbands discretion.
Relevant scriptures KJV:
Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:4 KJV
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1 Peter 3:1-6 KJV
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the a word be won by the conversation b of the wives; [2] While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. [3] Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; [4] But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. [5] For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: [6] Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
Genesis 1:28 KJV
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish j the earth, and subdue it:

Authority
_________
Definition: the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience.
“he had absolute authority over his subordinates”
synonyms: power, jurisdiction, command, control, charge, dominance, rule, sovereignty, supremacy

The husband has authority delegated to him by God. The wife has as much authority over the children as is delegated to her by her husband.

Discipline should be corrective and encouraging beginning with training. Punishments should be on a scale based on the severity and repetition of the transgression. Rebukes and warnings should be made before other consequences are given. Natural consequences are preferred where practical unless those would be more damaging.

Training is needed for children and employees. A wife’s relationship with her husband lies somewhere between that of a child to parent and an employee to boss. The marriage relationship is more intimate than either of these and should be longer lasting. The husband should consider what training would be most helpful for the marriage and how often it is needed.

Relevant scriptures KJV:
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
1 Peter 3:7 KJV
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Punishable behaviors:
Defiance, Disrespect, Dishonesty, Dangerous (reckless endangerment)
Consent of Punishments:
Initial punishments consented to.
____ Writing lines or verses
____ Fine not to exceed ____
____ Loss of ___________ privilege
____ Loss of ___________ privilege
____ Loss of ___________ privilege
____ Time out not to exceed ___

The feedback and analysis