Hello! Public Post
Hi there.
I understand the idea of friends-locking one's posts. I am keeping a few public, in part because there are some people out there who are not lj friends, who I want to stay visible to.
I recently made a new friend, and wound up having a pretty amazing connection, however short it was. I'm sad when, days later, their partner seems to have insisted that they drop all contact with me. I was mad and frustrated, and very sad, to learn this.
Anyway. I shared my lj handle, just in case this new friend happens to drop by. They got my package (forgotten items, plus my letters) yesterday. It's possible they've already looked, and that's that, too late for me.
But, just in case: I am here. I remember. I am savoring the happy memories.
Yeah, people keep saying: move on, move on. I will get to a point where this doesn't have such a grip on me.
But: I exist. I am here. I persist in my memories, of your moles, your scars, of your Shrove Tuesday pancakes, of Animals as Leaders. I remember. I savor.
It smarts more because it was sudden, because you said at least we could be friends, and maintain a connection through social media. It smarts to have that taken away.
I guess: I realize that I want that connection. I want to still get to know you, to make jokes, share songs, exchange ideas. I get to want that, even if I cannot have it.
And, that the actions I take are my choice. I choose to make this post public. It is a beacon, saying: find me. If you are looking, I am here!
I understand the idea of friends-locking one's posts. I am keeping a few public, in part because there are some people out there who are not lj friends, who I want to stay visible to.
I recently made a new friend, and wound up having a pretty amazing connection, however short it was. I'm sad when, days later, their partner seems to have insisted that they drop all contact with me. I was mad and frustrated, and very sad, to learn this.
Anyway. I shared my lj handle, just in case this new friend happens to drop by. They got my package (forgotten items, plus my letters) yesterday. It's possible they've already looked, and that's that, too late for me.
But, just in case: I am here. I remember. I am savoring the happy memories.
Yeah, people keep saying: move on, move on. I will get to a point where this doesn't have such a grip on me.
But: I exist. I am here. I persist in my memories, of your moles, your scars, of your Shrove Tuesday pancakes, of Animals as Leaders. I remember. I savor.
It smarts more because it was sudden, because you said at least we could be friends, and maintain a connection through social media. It smarts to have that taken away.
I guess: I realize that I want that connection. I want to still get to know you, to make jokes, share songs, exchange ideas. I get to want that, even if I cannot have it.
And, that the actions I take are my choice. I choose to make this post public. It is a beacon, saying: find me. If you are looking, I am here!