English: A collection of pictograms. Three of them used by the United States National Park Service. A package containing those three and all NPS symbols is available at the Open Icon Library (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This post is my feelings on the matter, you are feel to disagree. You are not, however, free to attack me or others on this blog.

As a disabled woman, i have to say i hate this phrase and the accompanying attitude. What i find in general is that it comes up almost exclusively directed at people who’ve misspoken out of frustration with no malicious intent, and you know what that does? it alienates people who are in the end just human and misspoke, draws attention to whatever sexist/ageist/ableist/racist/whatever-ist comment they mistakenly made and through that is actually more likely to offend people.

This is what i suggest would be better than the phrase “check your privilege” or accusing someone of being sexist/ageist/ableist/racist/whatever-ist:

• gently point out how certain wording can come across, including an explanation as to why what they said can be offensive – aggression is usually met with aggression, try being gentle first.


• suggest other wording options.


• give them a chance to correct.


• encourage less offensive wording and watch your own words – we all slip up now and then.


• consider using non-offensive language an act of compassion towards those who are marginalised/judged using various language. the idea that offensive wording displays privilege seems to me to be an attack on the speaker. telling the speaker “you think you’re better than the rest of us”. again, likely to put them on the defensive.


• if after all of this, they still choose to frequently speak in ways that offend (not just the occasional slip-up!), it might be time to review your contact of them.

i’m not entirely sure that this post has a point beyond “don’t be so hard on people”. no matter what our background and challenges may be, we’re all just human and all make mistakes. i think perhaps remembering that and being a little more compassionate in general might help.

Tags: activism, disability, health, reflections, writing
Current Mood: tired

ATF inspector at a federally licensed gun dealer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Note: the ideas in this post aren’t necessarily solely mine. but they’re one’s i support/agree with and want to see implemented, not just in the US but everywhere.

1. Ban civilian access to assault weapons: They’re not needed for hunting or self defence.


2. Compulsory gun insurance: used to pay for enforcement/training and compensation to victims of gun crime.


3. 
   
    Strict rules on gun storage: and harsh punishments if they’re not adhered to. up to and including the confiscation of weapons and gun licences, as well as banning those responsible from owning a weapon in the future.
   
   


4. Compulsory background and mental health check before being given a gun license with a minimum age of 18: These licenses would also require taking a gun safety class and would have a time limit, renewal would require reassessment and retraining. (note: not thinking every year. possibly every 5 or 10 akin to a drivers license period. Provisional license for 14+ to be allowed to use a weapon owned by a parent or guardian  and under their supervision for hunting purposes.


5. Loss of license and requirement to surrender or sell weapons if convicted of a violent crime: This would also involve a suspension and temporary confiscation of any weapons if charged with a violent crime.


6. No private sales of weapons: All sales of weapons must be made to or from a registered dealer.


7. Limit clip size to 6: does this really need explaining??


8. I.D. Required to buy ammunition: Similar requirements to those in place to buy cold medicine containing pseudoephedrine - I.D. (gun license), national register of ammunition purchase and quantity. Limits on purchase quantities over a certain period.


9. Access to cheap or free gun safety training: This should be available to all people, if they’re eligible for a gun license or not.  These should be available to children 10 and up, but there should be NO ammunition (or blanks) in classes where there are unlicensed class members.

Well, that’s my take on it, i’m sure there are people who will disagree with some of it – and even people who will dismiss it all on the basis of the fact that i dislike guns. But this is what i’d like to see happen.

Further reading: (or what other people have been writing on this topic!)

Related articles

• A very civilized weapons law


• California to Ban all Semi-Automatic Guns, Confiscate Firearms and Limit Ammo Sales


• Guns in America


• Are Guns Analogous to Cars?


• Gun focus shifts from ban to checks and trafficking


• Personal Gun Control: Safety Tips for You and Your Family

Tags: activism, news, reflections
Current Mood: thoughtful

Facebook logo Español: Logotipo de Facebook Français : Logo de Facebook Tiếng Việt: Logo Facebook (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Facebook, twitter, email, google+, skype, phones, snail mail, the list of ways we can keep in touch goes on and on these days. There’s one little problem, though. It seems to me that the more methods we have to contact each other, the less we do it. Look at your Facebook friends list, your email contacts, even the phone numbers you have. how many of these people have you actually contacted in the last month? What about the last 6 months? a year? more? you might be surprised and a little shocked when you think about it. i discovered recently that i hadn’t spoken to one of my FB friends in 6 years. They’ve been on my friends list all that time – but we’ve not spoken. And even when we do speak, how much of it actually matters? How many friends’ birthdays do you ignore? how many just get a generic “happy birthday” with no personal variation on Facebook? Do you ever wonder how many of your friends actually might notice when you don’t contact them? Again, something that might be a little scary to think about. A friend of mine fell ill a couple of years ago. He lived alone, but he doesn’t actually live that far from me. i’m ashamed to say that i didn’t actually notice when he stopped emailing me because it’s not actually an unusual thing. Except this time it was. He had had a stroke-like episode and was collapsed on the floor of his unit unconscious. Had a friend of his from overseas not worried and attempted to make contact through other means and when that failed called the police, my friend may well have died.

Recently i got a very confused call from my mother telling me about a very cryptic, and in my opinion, passive aggressive message my paternal grandmother had written to me in the christmas card sent to my mother. important to note here:

1. my parents have not been together since before i was born.


2. i am in my early 30′s.


3. i have not lived with my mother since i was 18.


4. my grandmother knows all this.


5. i haven’t heard directly from my grandmother in over a decade despite…


6. my mother has given her my address and phone number.

so the irrelevancy of what was said aside, how does any of this makes sense?

i’m sorry, this is yet another post where i’m not entirely sure what my point is, but i do feel like the questions i’ve asked are important. family and friends should matter and i feel more and more like they’re being pushed into the background and ignored.

Tags: reflections, relationships
Current Mood: confused

i am going through something at the moment. Aside from fighting for the funding needed to keep the cleaning service i need to not lose my home, we’re also trying to get approval for funding for online counselling with an autism spectrum specialising counsellor in Melbourne. Because the appointments cannot be face to face, they’d cost around $200 a session. The reason for is is that i have suffered 20 years of abuse and misdiagnosis at the hands of mental health professionals. So when it comes to therapy etc, my trust levels are low. This particular counsellor, though, I have met at a conference and made a connection with. The trust is there.

So, this is what has triggered me to want to start this charity. What i’m wanting to do is provide funding for people on the spectrum to be able to access services that are not within the norm (such as my counselling) or for people who, for various reasons (complicated health confusing the criteria you need to me?) cannot access funding for things they need to live well/independently/safely. Thing is, i have no idea how broadly this is needed, or in fact if there is any need for it beyond myself, but it seems to me that there might be. What do you think? Is there a need? Do you know anyone who might know more about how to start a charity when you’re poor? Or anyone who might know if this should be a thing? Pease let me know!

Tags: activism, asd, reflections
Current Mood: anxious

today a man went into an elementary school in the US and opened fire. at the time of writing 28 people had died, 20 of those young children. today a man went into a primary school in china and stabbed 23 people, 22 of those were young children. these have both happened half the world away from me. but they hurt me deeply. i’ve been crying on and off since i heard about the shooting in the early hours of the morning (for me).

but today is also my boyfiend’s birthday. today i ran an errand with my mother. today there is classical music playing on the radio. because while many private little worlds have ended today, generally the world is going on. people are living their lives, many of them are even having good things happen to them. and while i know there are tragedies every day, when it’s on this scale, i seem to lose my ability to reconcile the loss with the fact that life, in general, is continuing. perhaps tomorrow i will be able to. but today it feels so out of kilter, and all i want to do is weep and find a way to comfort all those effected. be it directly or indirectly.

i’m sorry if this post doesn’t make a lot of sense. i guess, i just needed to say it somewhere…

Tags: reflections
Current Mood: gloomy

This post is in honour of a dear friend who suffers from chronic pain and is dealing with worse than usual pain at the moment.

Sometimes it can feel like fighting a war against your own body when you have chronic illness, chronic pain or disability. We fight back with medical help, support from family and friends and by just plain trying to pace ourselves. For the most part this works reasonably well. But what happens when the body somehow gains “reinforcements”? If we develop other conditions, or have a massive flare up of the ones we have things go to hell. Often we can’t even think clearly enough or move around enough to know where to start in getting help. Some of this advice won’t be helpful if you’re in this situation now, but may for next time, hopefully some of my advice will be able to be of use more immediately.

• Plan Ahead: Make sure you have a plan in place. Arrange with your family/friends/support workers who to contact if you need help urgently. Discuss with them what you’d like them to do when you call for help. Write these steps down for yourself and for them. Keep it somewhere visible. Don’t rely on just your brain/memory when you’re at your sickest.


• Don’t Accept Second Best:  Find a doctor that you trust and who understand your health problems. If you can’t find one yourself, sometimes contacting local or online support groups can lead you in the right direction.


• Documents: If you have any conditions where you see a specialist but sometimes need emergency treatment that can’t wait for an appointment with them as for a letter that explains to a family doctor or hospital what they need to know about your health and what your specialist advises as far as treatment. These letters aren’t always respected, but sometimes they are. Also, if your specialist has a pager number, keep it with you, ask for your specialist to be paged.


• Breathe: Take a moment, try to centre yourself and keep calm. There is never a situation where distress and panic help us think. Deep breaths, count to 10 etc can make enough of a difference to clear your mind for long enough to work out your next step.


• Advice Lines: i don’t know what/where to find the numbers for most of these but here in AU we have services run by the health department where you can phone up and talk to a registered nurse or in some cases even a doctor. They wont be able to give you a definitive diagnosis over the phone, but they can advise on first aid and help you assess if you need to see a doctor.


• If All Else Fails: Call  your doctor’s office. Explain that you’re in need of medical help and what your level of mobility/access to transport is.  There can be options that you might not have thought of. Some states have transport services, some doctors still do home visits. But try not to get frustrated if these are not available for you. If they’re not, simply call an ambulance. You might not get the best care at an emergency room, but if you have exhausted all other options, it’s still worth a shot.


• Remember: You’re not alone, even when you’re at your worst and you feel isolated, your friends/family still care and love you. Your fellow sufferers will understand and generally try to help in any way they can, even if they’re on the other side of the planet.

i’m not entirely sure how much help with post will be by itself given that i’m really not able to research location specific options at the moment, perhaps you have other ideas? if so, please leave them in the comments (on the primary blog here at the cat’s reflection, please it’ll help people more if they don’t have.)

Tags: disability, health, pain, reflections
Current Mood: sick

A friend of mine, Kimbera Sherva, shared the following from the Facebook page “Have a Gay Day”

Last week, as part of a cultural discovery project for one of my classes, I spent three days wearing ‘girls’ clothes while going about my day. I wanted to explore the general reaction and preconceptions that people in my city have to clothi

ng, especially in regards to gender. To me, the idea that a piece of fabric or accessory can be so intertwined with who are in our conscious is perplexing. I didn’t want to show off, or offend anyone by my act of curiosity. Rather, I wanted to act as a meticulous observer of the times, to see if the community around me was really as open-minded as I wanted to believe that it was. After all, if such things really only had a place in the realm of high-fashion and in Scottish tradition, then something bigger must be at work.On the first day, I wore a long-sleeve pink top cropped at the collarbone. I received many compliments, a few glares and even a free Venti gingerbread latte. On the second, I rocked a pink blouse with a high-waisted belt. Again, the same amount of well-wishes, questions and passing eye-rolls. These things were to be expected, as it isn’t necessarily the norm to see someone like me wearing things like these. I felt collected and confident in these modest outfits, seemingly convinced that the world around me could care less about the clothes someone wore. Most affirming was the response to my nails, which were almost always met with a cheerful grin, a high-five and a few words of encouragement.What happened on the third day changed my perspective on humanity forever. I dressed myself as I normally would; band t-shirt, cardigan, plain Vans, etc. However, instead of black jeans, I complimented the outfit with a plain black skirt and matching set of tights. For me, this was a huge step in self-image. Years ago, I was barely confident enough to leave the house for school. These days, the opposite couldn’t be more true. As I set off about my day, the absolute worst in people came out in a full-force flurry of expletives and discomfort. I was ridiculed in whispers. I was mocked in glances. I was obnoxiously and filthily cat-called by a construction crew who, from behind, couldn’t tell that I was a man. Stopping by a bathroom before a lecture, a frat-bro went out of his way to shove me into the adjacent wall after eyeing me up and down on his way out. Expletives and names that might induce me to vomit were I to repeat them, were casually thrown in my direction with almost zero passing thought. By day’s end, I feared a full-on breakdown, unable to stand up for myself or what I believed in to maintain the integrity of the observer’s perspective. In a way, I had no right to feel that way, mostly because of the realization that this is the way that many have to live their lives. I fought back tears as every stare and ill-formed word engrained themselves in my sub-conscious.Though I may not know you, I think that it’s important that we all come to understand why these things happen. In my book, cat-calling, shaming and harassment are among the worst actions we can engage in. As a heterosexual male, I will never truly know the fear that women may experience while walking home from work, going see a friend for lunch, or being sized-up in public based on their clothing. I will never truly know the gut-rot that a transgender individual may feel while being eyed up and down at the store or in class, strangers seeming to think as if the clothing they see before them begs a legal invitation of ridicule. I will never truly know the plights of these people, but as an ally and a human being invested in true equality, it is now my obligation to stand up for them as if I did.</p>

What scares me the most is not the glances, mixed emotions, or 10-page paper that will inevitably come as a by-product of this project. No, what scares me is that this is the world we live in. We exist in a place where individuals living their truths can be subjected, directly or otherwise, to fear simply for living those truths. We live in an age where feeling ‘normal’ in your own clothing can create unfathomable contention with strangers, despite them having zero investment in their lives. We live in a world where the material, the fabric, the pieces that adorn you are somehow allowed to say more about who you are than the convictions in your heart and the sincerity in your deeds.

I don’t know about you, but I refuse that world. I refuse to let these things overcome the passion and genuine honesty that I’ve been so fortunate to bear witness to in my time. I refuse to let backwards, unprogressive mindsets stifle the glow and drive of those who are undeservingly robbed of it. Don’t say it can’t happen to you. If it happened to me, under the most average of circumstances on the streets in a progressive-leaning city, it could happen to anyone, and that is something I truly do not understand.

After all, it’s just a skirt.

What is it about a piece of inanimate, plain fabric that scares you so much?

-Tommy

sorry, but people wonder where bullying etc comes from, take a look….ya bring it on yourself. there is a time and place to be real, you are who you are, if ya have a penis you are simply male gendered, vagina female….it is not rocket science people. get a grip already!!! dont force your twisted shit on the rest of us, gross!

I simply do not know how to respond to this as I have no wish to let the Drama Llamas out of the gate. I will say, however, that if you truly believe that transgender/adrogynous people are ‘gross’ and ‘twisted’, then you might as well count me in.
I believe that sexual identity and sexuality is fluid. A person needn’t have to be born male to remain male or female and remain female. Perhaps they’d prefer to identify as ‘neither’ and go on with their lives.
I have many transgender friends, all who have been through harassment, to the point of fear for their lives. I am lucky in that none of them have been murdered by people who are threatened by their existence.
To blame bullying/abuse/murder on them is akin to blaming a rape survivor for what happened to that person. There is no difference–people are people and deserve love and respect.
I will not debate this further. You have your beliefs and I have mine and never the twain shall meet. I kindly ask that you do not continue to say such hurtful things on my Wall. It hurts me, it hurts my transgender family and friends, and I will not allow it.
Thank you

Tags: activism, reflections
Current Mood: angry

(author’s note: when i created this blog i never intended to review or advertise on this blog, and i still will not be doing much of it, but this book deserves talking about, so i will.)

As some of you know i am autistic. i like reading about and learning about the autism spectrum – all of it, not just where i’m assessed as being. i heard about this book last night via my facebook feed, in a post from ThAutcast (logcal place, it’s run by the author). i decided to check it out the kindle edition is only $2.99.

It’s a short book, largely cartoons with little elaborations, but it’s one of the most insightful and well expressed books i’ve read when it comes to a “inside looking out” view of autism. it says all the things i’ve been trying to express about myself for years, even well before my (late) diagnosis and was quite a cathartic read. it shares views from 3 different “points” on the spectrum, talks about some of the parts of being autistic that can make us proud to be autistic as well as some of those parts that frustrate, embarrass or challenge us a little too much. it’s balanced, articulate and beautiful.

If you’d like to check if out:

Kindle Edition: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Being-Autistic-Self-ebook/dp/B00AC6VEHA/

Paperback: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Being-Own-Autistic-Self/dp/0615731821/

i’ve only given US links here, but i do know that Amazon UK sells it.

Tags: asd, reflections

i’m in a bit of a mood at the moment. over the weekend someone who should know better expressed a judgemental and dismissive attitude towards my health problems. specifically, in this case, my difficulties with the bins. for those playing from outside australia, our bins look a lot like this:

theoretically pretty easy to move. i did the bins a lot as a kid. the problem isn’t the bins. it’s me. and the ground between my house and the curb. i have meniere’s disease. this post tells you what my bad MD days are like. but i am ALWAYS slightly off kilter – imagine being able to feel that the world is round and spinning slightly all the time. now add to this trying to drag one of the above bins over ground that is uneven and on the side of a hill. not exactly wise, is it? i’ve arranged to have my cleaner take my bin out each week and my mum or nan brings it in later in the week. well this week my cleaner could not come until after the bin needs to be out so my grandmother agreed to do it. queue drama llama complaints about this “not making sense” and “putting the bin around the back so i can use the path” no. can’t use the path. the point where the ground is uneven is to the curb. even if i took it all along the driveway to the street i’d still have to get it (then uphill!) several meters to where it needs to sit to be collected!

there’s a point to this, i promise. and that point is this: every person with disability is different. we each have our own challenges whether they make sense on the surface or not. be open minded. if you don’t understand and want to, ask instead of arguing. and be patient, we may not be able to explain immediately.

Tags: activism, asd, disability, health, pain, reflections
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: Busby Marou - Better Be Home Soon (Crowded House Cover)

Tags: health, pain, reflections
Current Mood: aggravated

Tags: fiber topics, knitting, pictures, videos
Current Mood: sore

my relationship with my mother is… strange. not in its type. we’re best friends and worst enemies just like any mother and daughter. the difference is the intensity of both and the cause of it. that cause is the ignorance of so-called experts.

i was born in the early 1980′s – otherwise known as that time between the 1940′s research on asperger’s syndrome was translated to english in the 1970′s and the time it began to become well known in the mental health and medical communities. due to this i spent from the age of around 12 to the age of 22 suffering from serial misdiagnosis and emotional and mental abuse from the mental health professionals and doctors who were supposed to be helping me. everything from blaming my mother and stepfather, to accusing me of laziness, to diagnosing me with ADD, borderline personality and bipolar disorder. The put me on harmful medications, they made my parents do things that caused me anxiety and distress to the point that they were actually causing my very loving parents to also be emotionally abusive. and worst of all, they broke my trust in my mother. the one person (my stepfather having since passed) who i know intellectually is always going to be in my corner, emotionally i feel like i can’t trust. this is added to so many tricky elements of the autistic – neurological relationship all based on the fact that we think so differently from each other and it makes things so hard.

my advice to everyone in similar situations is this: just do your best. love each other, be patient with each other. talk about what has happened and how you feel about it, because the more you do the more you and your relationship will heal.

Tags: asd, fildi, reflections, relationships
Current Mood: cold

This post was written for the Nerdfighteria IRC network and the original copy is here.

There are enough internet safety pages out there to sink a large Mediterranean island or two, but this one is a little different this one is focused on nerdfighters, but especially our minors and some of the places we love to hang out.

The Community in General

Members of the Nerdfighteria come from all over the world and are of all ages, colours and creeds. This is awesome, no arguing with that, but a community so big and so varied  comes with it’s own risks. Often communities so large attract predators looking for minors and while the moderators of each element of the community will be on the watch, we can’t be everywhere. Be careful what you tell people you do not know well or feel uncomfortable with. ALWAYS tell a moderator if you’re being harassed or hit on and it’s making you uncomfortable, especially if you are a minor and the other person is not. Our irc network has come up against this already. Other problems can be just general trolls and the classic stalker. Again, tell a moderator what’s happening, this sort of behaviour is not acceptable anywhere, don’t stand for it.

If necessary, find out how to block or ignore the person in question. Most social networking sites and chat rooms have some form of option for this.

IRC

IRC is a bit like multiplayer notepad. it’s text based chat using a protocol that’s been around since about 1988. On top of the basic people issues listed above, IRC has the potential issues of botnets (groups of clients who connect under the control of one person to harass users or interrupt the general running of the network as a whole. unfortunately there is little a regular user can do about this aside from letting a moderator (in this case an IRCop) know most networks will have a channel called #help or one named after the network where you can talk to the IRCops and get their help with troublesome users. On many networks it is expected that this should only be used if channel operators are unable to control the user, are unavailable or the issues are being caused in multiple channels. dftba.net is currently small enough that this is not required. Our staff also sit in #yourpants, so you can give us a shout there, too.

Mibbit, and other web-based irc clients are popular at the moment but for those users who have downloaded a client you need to make sure that you keep that client up to date malicious users will often find exploits in your client and use them to their own advantage, this can include installing a botnet client on your machine, an issue that can rapidly result in bans from various IRC networks.

YouTube

The unique issues of Youtube are related to the fact that you’re putting yourself online in the form of video. This can give members of the community and the Youtube community at large information about you that you may not be intending to give, things like your name, location. Basically be smart about what you put in your profile and what you let show in a video. Be liberal with the block button if people are harassing you or generally increasing world suck, and remember that it’s your channel and to keep it safe for yourself.

Facebook and G+

Both these sites require (to varied extents) that you use your real name so makes sure you’re careful. Both sites have age requirements which while regularly flouted should be taken into account. If you feel you’re not ready for these sites do not sign up. They’ll still be there when you’re older. Once you do sign up and make your profile, think carefully about who you want to be able to see what. This runs the full spectrum from totally restricted to friends (who you choose to add – do NOT let someone pressure you into adding them) to totally public. The sites allow you to select more to less trusted friends and put them in groups so that what they see is limited by their group. Read the help pages and learn all about the security options and set them as soon as you can.

Tumblr

This blogging site is very popular with the nerdfighter community but as far as internet safety is has one small issue. You can only make your blog private (password protected) if you do this when you make it. You can however, limit/prevent people asking you questions or commenting on your posts. But they can still reblog to make comments. However if you simply just don’t want to see what people are saying, this works well enough.

Twitter and Foursquare

These sites to more (4sq) or less (twitter) use location unlike Facebook and G+ which use a general “near x” sort of location, these sites use specific location through GPS. this is not always a wise thing. In twitter you can simply turn the gps option off or make your twitter feed private. On foursquare, however, the whole point IS to tell people where you are. Tips here are be wise about you who add, and where you link your checkins to. Foursquare also has a few options related to who it can tell about your checkins on https://foursquare.com/settings/privacy if you’re not comfortable with your location being announced on your friends twitter because they’ve checked in with you or to the owner of your current location, you can turn these options off. You can also check in off the grid which means you get the points for the check in but it wont be announced to anyone and you cannot get a mayorship for that particular check in.

If Matters Get Out of Hand

If a user is harassing you over multiple sites or making threats, you have a couple of options. Using the privacy options of the site is a starting point, as is reporting them to a moderator, but if they go to far consider reporting them to their ISP and/or talking to your parents or a trusted friend for support. If they threaten you with harm and you have reason to believe they might go through with it, consider speaking to the police and making it known you’ve done so, it may be that the police can act on the basis of a threat but the fact that you’ve talked to the police can be a deterrent to some people.

Be Safe, Have Fun and DFTBA!

- desikitteh

Tags: fildi, reflections, writing
Current Mood: accomplished

my FILDI is very strong at the moment so there will be two posts tonight. The first is something i’ve written for a friend who’s autism spectrum son is having meltdowns in the mornings for no readily apparent reason, here i seek to guide the reader towards possible issues.

People with Autism Spectrum Disorders have a very high base stress level, which can be made even hight quite easily, while adults on the “higher” end of the spectrum can often tell you what the problem is, we all to some extent hit a critical point and will go into what is referred to as a meltdown. For some people this can be passive, like the person has shut down or closed off and is ignoring you, but for others this can be kicking, screaming, throwing things etc. This is dangerous and in this state the person (adult or child) cannot tell you what is wrong.

The key thing to remember is that it is very rare for one single thing to set off a meltdown, but sometimes getting us away from that “final straw” trigger can be enough to calm us down. If not, somewhere quiet and a little patience is required.

This list is by no means going to be exhaustive, nor should you assume that everyone on the spectrum has the same triggers. Where able to ask the person with ASD what caused the meltdown at time when they are more calm. (Be careful how you ask, though. Sometimes meltdowns can cause us to become very embarrassed!!)

Sensory Causes:

Check for bright lights or loud and/or sudden noises, these can both hurt physically.

Similarly textures, smells and tastes can be a problem, these are things you’ll have to check individually, but if your ASD adult or child is fighting you on a food or piece of clothing etc it’s a pretty safe bet that there’s a sensory reason.

Distractions/Multitasking:

We’re not good at this. Try to give us one task at a time, and let us finish it or come to a natural break on our own where possible. Unnatural breaks in work can throw some of us off track for hours.

Social Triggers:

Social situations are fraught with triggers for us. We may dread going into them (this includes school or work) because we are being harassed or bullied or because we simply find the whole thing overwhelming or too hard to understand.

On the other hand feeling abandoned by someone we love or trust can causes as much stress, an ASD child may not want to go to school because it means separation from parents or siblings who make us feel safe. Similarly an ASD child or adult may feel ignored when in a family situation where others may need more attention due to illness, age etc.

Fatigue:

This isn’t going to set off a meltdown by itself, but it will always make a meltdown worse. Do your best to help us get the rest/sleep we need, even if this means we need short or even long naps.

Solutions:

There’s never going to be a magic bullet solution to the stressors that cause a meltdown, they will need to be tailored individually, but please try to be understanding and patient and remember that we’re not doing this to be naughty or selfish and no matter what anyone says, this is not your fault. It is simply one of the challenges of being on the spectrum.

Tags: asd, disability, fildi, reflections, writing
Current Mood: accomplished

Sunday i ordered some sock yarn so i could knit some socks for mum for mother’s day (may 13th here in aus!) monday morning it was posted. yesterday and today i’ve made the trip down the stairs and to the mail box in the vain hope my package of yarn will be there. i know i’m being impatient, but my fingers itch for new yarn and the anticipated challenge of a new technique (i’m preparing to take on colour work!)

here’s the pattern i’m going to use, but the colours will be different.

these are the colours. i should have enough yarn for 2 pair of socks, so i’m making mum’s socks dark with light like the picture above and a pair for myself in the reverse colours. to sort of match, but so we can tell them apart. i’m a little nervous about stranded colour work, but there are lots of tutorial videos on youtube and i found a great trick where you turn the sock inside out to knit the colour work part to keep the floats from being too tight, so i’m going to try doing that. also it helps that these socks have only a couple of bits of colour work and the rest are just stripes. and being toe up, the easier bit comes first.

here’s hoping the van is just late and i’ll have my yarn tonight.

Tags: fiber topics, knitting, reflections
Current Mood: thirsty

This blog comes to you in three parts.

ONE

Quick note on the new title: just a reference to the fact i’m a lot like this most of the time:

(as in totally confused by my reflection… and everything else!)

TWO

The happy thing is also a video. i left a comment on a ZeFrank video recently asking him a question, and in his last video he answered it, much to my delight! his answer is thoughtful, intelligent and it makes me happy so i thought i’d share it. enjoy!

THREE

quick notes for those wondering, my ankle is on the improve. it’s giving me pain but it’s less weight bearing related, so walking is getting easier. also, i am aware the date is off on this blog, it’s server-side. i’ve reported it to the host and am waiting on a response.

Tags: disability, health, meta, nerdy, pain, videos
Current Mood: sore

this post talks about r*pe and sex work, if these topics offend you or make you feel unsafe, do not read. also note that although this post is triggered by a real incident, i’m not naming ANY names here. if you know who anyone involved is, keep it to yourself. i have named/shamed the perp elsewhere but this is not what this post is for

when a friend of mine decided to become a sex worker i started to develop an interest in the various fields and the effect of such work on the men and women who do it. i have a lot of respect for these people who give something considered so precious. through this particular friend i’ve met another woman who works as a sex worker. and i adore these women, they are strong, beautiful, intelligent and generally amazing women.

recently one of these women was assaulted by a client. this has reminded me of a perception of sex work that bothers me. the idea that they “sell their bodies”. this, to my mind, is completely wrong. they provide a service, they sell some time, and they give something of themselves that’s completely theirs to give or not. the man in this case seems to see all women (not just sex workers) as objects to be treated as he wishes. this is not okay.

i am so angry right now, but also so proud of how my friend is handling this. she’s reported the assault to the police, she’s warning others. and more importantly she is NOT blaming herself.

Tags: reflections, sex
Current Mood: angry

Dear Smokers of the World,

i do not smoke, mostly because the smoke is a migraine trigger for me. i will, however, support your choice to do whatever the hell you choose to your own body. Please try not to stand too close to me while you do so, though. Migraines hurt.

What annoys the hell out of me, though, is those of you who expect others to pay for your habit, especially when those people are strangers. Even more so when a “no” results in rudeness or attempted theft. If you can’t afford to smoke, don’t damn well do it, or put up with the withdrawal when you run out. Yes, i know it sucks, i have been there myself in the past. But being a (semi-) responsible adult, i took responsibility and did not expect others to pay for my cigarettes.

- me.

Tags: reflections
Current Mood: indifferent

On March 5th 2012, Invisible Children released a video called Kony 2012 documenting the atrocities of Jospeh Kony, a Ugadan Warlord and head of the LRA. This video went viral and made a lot of us very angry, creating conversations and memes on facebook and twitter and spreading around the net, with #kony2012 trending globally on twitter and youtube.

Then the other shoe dropped. IC’s real motivations were revealed, their financial practises discovered and their director, Jason Russell was arrested for being drunk and masturbating in public. All of a sudden the conversation stopped. #kony2012 stopped trending and #horny2012 started to. Jason Russell became a laughing stock and the invisible children he had been talking about melted back into the shadows.

The thing is, while IC and Russell had some pretty screwed up motivations and were in fact using the cause for their own purposes, there was a silver linning to their actions. They started a conversation. They made us think about the effects of war, not just the ones splashed all over the news, but the long running civil wars that the media just stop talking about. This is a step. The mistake we made is that when we found out that the messenger was fallible, we stopped listening to the message. Despite the problems with IC, there are many millions of men, women and children subject to the horrors of war each day. This is something we need to keep talking about. This is something we need to act on, something we need to give aid in stopping.

So what can you do? Start the conversation again, support charities that are really working in these areas, write to politicians, the UN, your local paper and anyone else who’ll listen. Hell, shout it from the rooftops if you think it’ll help. But most of all do not give up on a valuable cause because the messenger is imperfect.

Some Charities/Groups to contact and support:

• Amnesty International


• Red Cross


• Save the Children


• UNHCR


• UNICEF

will keep updating this list as i find more

Tags: activism, reflections
Current Mood: thoughtful

Can i tell you a story,

as we sit in the sun,

drinking tea,

passing time.

Can i tell you a story

of days gone by,

of day to come,

of my secret hopes for you,

and for me.

Can i tell you a story,

of the moment we met,

of my joy when i realised,

we would walk together.

Tags: reflections, writing
Current Mood: drowsy

Tags: fiber topics, knitting, nerdy, reflections
Current Music: Live - I Alone
Current Mood: thoughtful

So, i have (in this case, a phone) by company A, you have one from company G. We’re both happy with the product we have, there should be no problem, right? Wrong.

The amount of times i’ve been talking to a fellow company A customer about said phone and had a company G customer jump in and rag on our chosen product is now getting to a point of utter stupidity. Here’s some points for you.

i bought my first company A phone about a year before company G offered a product here in australia. i LIKE my phone, i like what it does so when the hardware seemed to be dying, i replaced it with the next version up instead of changing completely simply because company A was not only continuing to suit my needs, but was improving in that area.

i am happy to hear about what you like about your company G phone, or your company B phone… or any other phone (or other piece of technology on the market) that you may have. What i’m not interested in hearing about is how overpriced company A is, how bad the products/company practises/etc are. i know company A to be imperfect, but i also know companies G and B aren’t perfect either. if you are ASKED for this information, by all means, share. but when i’m having a conversation about company A’s product with someone else kindly do not jump in and rag on it, or us.

And this applies the other way around, too. i have seen company A customers to the same to company G/B/etc customers. This is just as unacceptable. Don’t do it.

Leave the tech wars to the manufacturers and be nice to people and respect their interests.

Tags: nerdy, reflections
Current Mood: angry

disclaimer: i didn’t sign up for the early admission for pottermore so i haven’t actually seen this questions. this is just a reflection on how attached we are to our own identities and how having someone else tell us we’re wrong about it can effect us.

recently Alex Day wrote an article that bothered me greatly on this topic.

Sorry, could you repeat that?

Pottermore put you in the wrong house?

You mean the quiz JK Rowling invented?

To decide your place among the four houses JK Rowling invented?

She’s wrong, is she?

“But I’m a Ravenclaw!”

No you’re not a Ravenclaw, you’re an idiot. Be quiet. Go away.

Well Alex, as much as i respect you and love your music, in this YOU are wrong. Just because JK created the houses does not mean she can create a quiz that will correctly sort people 100% of the time. There are so many elements that can cause a problem with quizzes like this. Limited number of questions, strange wording of questions, subject being distracted or in a strange mood when doing the quiz, among others. but the most important ones is the fact that people are far too complicated and nuanced to be able to be defined by a few simple questions. basically my point here is not that JK is wrong, but the quiz by being fundamentally flawed a technique in itself is likely to be wrong.

As to why people are reacting the way they are. People define themselves by the way they perceive themselves and the way other perceive them. For a lot of HP fans, the house they affiliate themselves with can be a huge part of their expression of who they are. To be told that no, they’re not in the house they feel a strong affinity to could be as traumatic as someone walking up to them and telling them that other huge aspects of their personalities are false. for example, Alex, how would you feel if you were to be told you’re not a musician? As silly an example as this is, this is the type of core perspective for people that this is changing… their belief that they’re brave/loyal/intelligent/cunning/ambitious etc is being questioned by an online quiz telling them that they’re not in the house that is tied to the characteristic.

And i KNOW this may seem irrational, Alex, but we’re human and beings that are NOT always perfectly rational emotions often take precedence over logic. but frankly a world without that would also be a world without music, art, dreams, and love. not a world i want to live in. So what i’m asking here is that you reflect on this a little and try not to be so harsh on people who are in the end just imperfect, wonderful humans who often take things to heart.

Tags: nerdy, reflections
Current Mood: contemplative

The concept of copy/paste memes to create awareness and action, while an interesting concept, is innately flawed and impotent. While it’s a potentially useful tool, the way it’s most commonly used right now is ineffective.

What happens is that one person posts a vague and often guilt trip of a post about a certain topic that they feel strongly about. A certain group of their friends then post it. Often out of boredom or guilt. They then forget about it. Nothing is really done, nothing changes and those who want to act are generally unsure of how to do so.

Here are my suggestions for creating an effective post:

1. If you believe in a cause, give it your time and/or money before you post. Share what you have done.


2. Talk about why you are interested in the cause, encourage discussion!


3. Point your friends to information and groups relevant to the topic


4. Ask your friends to pass on the information and their own thoughts/contribution, instead of asking them to copy and paste your words.

if you have any ideas to add, feel free to add them below and share them with your friends!

Tags: activism, reflections
Current Mood: thoughtful

Wow! what a day! expensive, but a lot of fun. This is the second year i’ve attended the Sheep and Wool Show, and i loved it more this year than i did last year! Of course, i spent a good amount more this year. here’s my photos, they include a very cute lamb and the stuff i bought. Unfortunately i didn’t get the see the animals i was hoping to see (alpacas and angora rabbits) but i had a great time and have some great stuff to work with!

Tags: fiber topics, knitting, spinning
Current Mood: accomplished