Hi everyone...

Some of you already know this but I have moved to Hospice. The cancer is no longer treatable, and all the chemo I;ve had has caused my kidney failure. My blood pressure is too low to continue dialysis-so that's no longer an option. So I've decided on Hospice. It's very wonderful here-much better than the hospital was!

I'm at peace-I'm honestly happy.

Thank you all for your friendship and love over the years! I will miss you all.

Love you all!

First day of the trial chemo. No stomach ailments at all. Yeah!

The bottles are like six inches high and 2 around, I thought 'Oh no! More horsepills'! Nope. Pills are teeny, tiny and don't even cover the bottom of the bottle. Must of needed the big bottles for all the info they have typed, so small I needed someone to read it for me, on the bottle label.

Here's to this one being the one that works!

Hey everyone,

I'm still hanging in there.

( Latest on the cancer front...Collapse )

( Yay for the optometrist's office!Collapse )

( My niece's 5th birthday.Collapse )

( CSI finale. Spoiler.Collapse )

That's all my news. My family continues to be incredibly supportive of me, as do my friends. I'm really very lucky in that respect. And so grateful!

I've missed chatting with you all.

Mom and I went to see Evita tonight, which was great. But three hours sitting in a cramped chair did some serious damage to my already weak and painful legs. (The cancer has really mangled my left leg, and something else is mucking about with my right leg.) To the point that I haven't slept all night from the pain, and also that I was very unsteady walking out of the theater.

At one point my left leg started giving out on me in the very crowded lobby. I began to stumble to the left. My mom was on my right side, and tried to grab onto me, but as I was falling to the left, she had a hard time. I was calling out for help, and reaching out for someone to steady me and all of a sudden this lobby which had been packed full was completely empty at my left side. People actually walked away instead of offering me a steadying hand.

Sometimes people really do suck. It made me very sad to think no one would even bother to hold out their hand so I could keep from falling.

Fortunately mom is strong and kept me upright.

( And I mean a real angel.Collapse )
The more I thought about that conversation-that tapped into exactly how I've been feeling lately, the more sure I am that she was an angel.

Been a rough week for me. I got sick a week ago Sat-thought it was just chemo-type nausea but it lasted all week. Boy was it bad. I ended up at the hospital on Thus because I was so dehydrated. Was there 12 hours, spent 6 getting IV fluids. I didn't really start feeling better again till today-even over the weekend I had intestinal stuff, and a fever.

I went and stayed with my parents. I had something of an anxiety attack when I first got sick and didn't want to be alone. Came home yesterday. But today was a pretty good day, despite a little pain-all I needed was one pain pill, and that was the first in over a week. So there's that good bit.

Hope everyone is doing well! If I missed anything important on the Friends List point me there, I haven't had a chance to read my FL in a couple of weeks.

Not having the best day the past couple. One of my best friends was visiting from Florida, that was great, really great, but since she left I've been having a little more pain and my seasonal depression has kicked in again. One of my other best friends just reminded me that since she's known me, I've gotten depressed in March. Wish I could figure out why. Up North it could easily be Seasonal Affective Disorder, but not when I lived in FL.

Anyway-I'm also very, very bored. So if anyone has any distracting links to pass on, I'd be very grateful.

Love you all for being there for me so often!

The good is, I believe this chemo is working already. The pain has gotten SO much better in the last week, it's amazing. I'm down from 2 separate narcotics every 4 hours, plus a muscle relaxer to one pill for overnight and maybe one during the day. Some days none. And the muscle relaxer only every few days to a week.

The bad is my platelets are scary-low and I couldn't have my dose of chemo today. Explains all my bruising and bleeding. And extreme fatigue.

Hurry up and recover, platelets!