deadiisco

THESE FEELINGS ARE GOOD. This is my body saying go for it. No this is not about a boy. I want this job. I will get it!

EDIT

I GOT IT! WHAT UPPPPP

JD and I are taking the plunge and will be moving in together at the end of the Summer. Seeing as this is something we would talk about when we were younger it does make me happy. But the reality is that it will be stressful to find an apartment we both like and in an area we both want to live in. I'm trying not to stress but I'm also having issues at work. The owners of the cafe are getting divorced and are going to sell it. I wanted to find a second job for Summer but it looks like I really need a replacement for the one I have now. This coupled with a other sets of problems has me down. School. Family. Work. Bills. It will never end. As I get older I'm beginning to see it all. I'm becoming an adult but I don't feel ready. For the most part I am independent and I do things on my own without any help but in the back of my mind I'm hoping that one day I will be saved. Well the best I can count on is JD being successful and me doing the cooking and the cleaning to get free rent and to drive his Tahoe. And you know that doesnt sound too bad.

EDIT:
We found a place!! Yay! Two bedroom, two bath, wood floors whaaatt upppp

I deleted his number from my phone today before class. I felt my insides smile. This is a good step.

will i feel different when it's true? will i feel different if it's you?

I was thinking about you while on my way home today. It was such a long drive and towards the end you were pretty much the only thing on my mind. For a moment I felt something that I hadn't felt in a while. I don't want to put a name to the feeling but I wish I felt that all the time. It's funny because I was thinking of you and the past and how I regret. I regret the decisions I made because now I know, you were something special. My brain cant seem to forget you, it doesn't want to. My dreams make me wonder of what it could have been like. I'm always so close and then I wake up. I never get to feel it I guess because I never really did. I try to remember everything but I hate how much I've forgotten. But now I know that your timing was perfect. You came into my life right before it turned upside down. I didn't know it then, I guess I ignored it but now that I think about it, you were something like an angel.

JD PEREZ IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. 10 YEARS AND COUNTING. MY BOO I LOVE YOUUUUUUU

i'm constantly reminded of how much a fool i really am

I've been having this urge to call you and it wont go away. I really want to but I don't know how you'll react. Are you mad at me? Are you over me? Do you even want to hear from me? It's starting to hurt now. It's been almost two months since we last spoke. Our last conversation we talked about not talking and I remember saying "don't call me" but right now all I want to do is talk to you. All I want is to hear your voice. I want to know how your Christmas was and if you kissed someone on New Years. I can't get you out of my head. Why do I feel like this? I've been gone almost 6 months and now I'm starting to miss you. Now my heart is breaking. I'm scared that you've figured me out and realized what a bad girlfriend I had been. I'm sorry. I look back on everything and wish it could have been different. I wish I didnt do so many things behind your back. Why why why? I dont know. I wanted to feel more than what I felt. I wanted to love you more but I couldnt. I want to know if I can love someone more. I hope I can because I dont want to do the things I did to you to them. I dont want to hurt the person that I love. So did I love you? I think so. If I didnt then why does it hurt to not talk to you now?

Why do you always have to do this to me? Just when I thought I didn't need you. You somehow got me dreaming about living with you.

Sarah Palin is a fucking joke.