25 Comments
User's avatar
Nick Buchheit's avatar

For a minute I thought you might be pulling a Sixth Sense on us, but I liked the reveal of his alcoholism and temper being the end of him. The empty house is a haunting image to land on as someone with a family. Great work!

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Nick. 🙏

I did contemplate the supernatural idea for him but I didn’t want to distract or water down the real life monster that he is. Plus, I wanted the house to be the “ghost” of the story, if you know what I mean

I’m so glad you liked it 👍🏼

Nick Buchheit's avatar

I think you made the right choice!

Sharron Bassano's avatar

You created tension from the first paragraph and held it strong all the way to the end. Hard to do, my friend. These lines hit me specially hard due to my own childhood history. "... Months and years of it. Rage and accusations. Suspicion and paranoia. Screams and fists. Until they had all finally had enough. Leaving him to rot." Even the house rejected him. Good riddance.

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Sharron 🙏

I was out my comfort zone on this one but really wanted to get it right so I’m glad it spoke to you but I’m sorry you had to live through something like that ❤️

Sharron Bassano's avatar

No worries! My childhood made me the remarkable person I am today! hah! And writing out of our comfort zones produces surprisingly good work sometimes.

Hanna Delaney's avatar

That was brilliant. I find stories involving driving at night are so eerie, but wow, the haunting of who you were and the decisions you made is so effective in this.

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Hanna 🙏

I drove back from Manchester to Scotland on Monday. Hadn’t done it in a while. Forgot about driving in the dark with the hills cocooning you on all sides as you race through the darkness. It’s exhilarating, but very scary 😁

Hanna Delaney's avatar

It's very scary. Get tired and you're in big trouble. I was thinking about the part where he was swerving everywhere seeing things and he is just drunk. So clever. His reality and fantasy are completely blurred.

Artemis's avatar

Great story. The unreliable perspective was done perfectly, and the slow reveal at the end worked so well to make the protagonist both sympathetic and deserving of his situation at once.

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Artemis. That’s very kind of you 🙏

It was a tough one to write but I’m glad you liked it 👍🏼

Caro Henry's avatar

Hey Dan! Just getting caught up. This is a great story! I too thought you were going the Sixth Sense route, but was glad you didn’t. I loved that you gradually built the tension all the way to the end.

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Caro 🙏

Yeah, like I said, I did think about it, but this way just seemed the right way to tell the story. I didn’t want anything to take away from who this guy really is. I’m so glad you enjoyed it 👍🏼

Dale Mahfood's avatar

Great psychological horror read! You had me guessing from the beginning, and I was surprised at the end. I love how the house becomes a character at the end.

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Dale 🙏

Jason Duck's avatar

Loved it Dan. One of my favourite stories you have done. Liked the way the main character slowly realises what has happened and the story reaches its dark and bitter ending. Nice amount of clues you dished out along the way too. Great job.

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Jason 🙏

As this one was quite tough to write that means a lot. Really appreciate it 👍🏼

Jason Duck's avatar

Credit where credit is due mate.

Jessica Maison's avatar

So tense and ultimately so sad. Nicely done. Really got under my skin

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Jessica 🙏 It was a tough one to write for sure 👍🏼

Jessica Maison's avatar

Brutal!

Stephen Duffy's avatar

Great stuff mate. I've known one or two guys like this unfortunately. You did a great job showing his confused perspective 💚

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much mate 🙏

Aye. Me too. Like I said, this was out my comfort zone so I’m glad it worked 👍🏼

Rose Campbell's avatar

EEK!! So glad it was still daylight while I was reading this — very creepy indeed!

Happy Halloween! 🎃👻

Daniel O’Donnell's avatar

Thanks very much Rose 🙏

Happy Halloween 🎃 👍🏼