Hello loves.

I am currently riding the train on the way back to bradford from london. I had the PLEASURE of meeting up with fangirls yesterday! It was LOVELY. I had to leave rather abruptly though, the person I was staying with sent a super angry message and I basically was rushed back to her house to apologize and shit. I honestly would rather just stay at a hotel! I don't like the way she basically made me feel like a terrible person for not being back in time for dinner. What the heck? I made the plans to stay with her BECAUSE of this meet up and she suddenly made me feel like I was a terrible person for not spending the whole weekend with her. I honestly don't understand people sometimes.

BACK TO THE GOOD STUFF! I got to fangirl about ONE DIRECTION in person and have serious-life-altering-rock-your-world discussions with people that had amazing opinions... I also got a little sad, I can only IMAGINE how amazing it would have been to meet up with these amazing people when supernatural was basically MY ENTIRE LIFE. I still love the fandom, but I haven't really been into this season and I haven't really been drawn into J2 in years.

Anyway, I think I was the only person that was completely new and unknown to anyone! I was so impressed with how lovely and welcoming everyone was. I think people in this fandom place are some of the best people I have ever known. I'm so happy I was lucky enough to meet up with them. I was having a really shitty time over christmas and it was nice to have some time just completely removed from teaching and being stressed and just be an idiot over how much zayn LOVES liam and how much I LOVE LOUIS! All of these thiiiiings are important and deserve to be talked about.

basically it was awesome. I hate that I had to leave early... BUT I hope to come again someday :)

Well. My friends and I rented a car and just drive 6 hours from Bradford to Brighton. We are staying at the stankiest hostel and I kind of hate my life right now. I am feelin super anxious from the drive and I just want to cuddle and feel safe and protected. Ugh.

Okay. So Brighton. Tell me what to do!!!

This is actually ruining my life. 

THERE IS A TEACHER AT MY SCHOOL WHO IS CALLED JACK AND HE LOOKS LIKE NIALL HORAN AND I WANT HIM TO LOVE ME.

everything else is terrible. EVERYTHING. okay, not terrible BUT I am seriously really close to a mental breakdown and I am just kind of coping by drinking cider and being very emotionally detached.

My hair smells like my musty classroom. My school forgot about myself and the other primary teacher and we were left with NO resources and really just nothing. I still haven't gotten my banking information. Money is running out and I want to CRY.

Other than that? peachy keen. In fact, it could be worse. MUCH WORSE. I know and acknowledge that.

I need to say that you have ALL been so wonderful and supportive and I know that I've been a shit friend for commenting, but I am so thankful that you all exist and just understand that things are tough right now and don't judge me or make me feel terrible... but you just allow me to be ridiculous about one direction and cry tears over harry styles and his lovely face.

I LOVE YOU. I MISS YOU. I WISH YOU LIVED IN MY POCKET!

Word to the wise: don't respond to an email while listening to sad music when you are feeling lonely. I was just writing my friend a little note and I typed that I missed her and her daughter and I started crying because I realised I won't see them for a year and my other loves I can text and just tell little stories too. 

I have been here a week now. I am feeling more settled   My roommate had a friend from Scotland visit and he has been lovely! He helped us get a bunch of stuff from Tesco and made us dinner!!! He's a baby though, only 19 years old!! Hah. 

I leave today. I already have left my home. I went to a wedding last night and I spent my last night in Canada sleeping in a tent trailer in my friends driveway. It's chilly and the sun is coming up and it's kind of perfect.

I am sort of all over the map with emotions. I am SO sad. I am excited. I am WORRIED. I am anxious. I just am not sure how everything is going to work out and that really scares me.

This past week was one of the best ever, I was cocooned with friends and love and well wishes, the best a girl could ask for! Ohmugooooooosh. WHAT IS HAPPENING!? Is this real?

Okay. Early morning freak out complete.

I have been reading a lot of One Direction stuff. It's getting embarrassing. I wouldn't let one of my friends on my phone because it is just chalk-a-block full of dirty stories about boys loving boys.

My life is a strange and wonderful thing.

I have two things that I have read lately that have just ROCKED MY WORLD.

1.Hiding Out in the Kitchen This is a story written by littlemousling
THIS FIC! I started reading it at work yesterday and even though I got home at 1:40 am I had to FINISH IT! It's not a super porny-hot-hot-hot fic (although I really did think that it was hot), but it gave me SO MANY FEELINGS. Harry is in a boy band with liam, niall, and zayn BUT louis is this drama kid who works at little-out-of-the-way coffee shop where harry visits one day. Louis doens't realize who he is and they just hang out.

It's just an interesting push-and-pull as they figure out the relationship and it has some nice insights into the "life of a popstar" (albeit from a fan's perspective). It was just lovely.


2. Intravenous, Intertwined by wordgasmic
This is basically my PERFECT work of fiction. I don't know what it is about playful/not-meaningful/silly boys bugging each other until it starts to be SOMETHING that gets me... but it does. Louis is just horny and bugging harry and this just HAPPEN and it's absolutely perfect.

Okay. That is all for this minute.

I am currently working my last shift at the movie theatre. I have two hours left. I am just hiding in the hallway of "the dark knight rises" and am feeling a little weird.

I don't think I have really said much about this job. Last november my life got a little strange and I had to move back home and just needed any job I could get. A new movie theatre was opening up and I was basically hired on the spot. This job has been really difficult for me. I am back in the hometown I grew up in, I have had to fce people that were terrible to me growing up and I have has to face them while working and ripping tickets for them. I am usually not a prideful person, but it took me quite a while to stop feeling the need to defend my job and status by stating the other accomplishments that I have had over the ten years I was living away.

I think it was good for me to confront those emotions and I am glad that I had a job to keep myself from drowning in debt. I just am very thankful that I am done here in two hours.

Last night was a pretty amazing night out. I was able to just have fun and relax BUT it was also the beginning of a week of goodbyes. Not only and I going away but I am also starting a new and scary thing and I am just feeling a little lost.

I just hope that I am not making a huge mistake.

ALSO: I am feeling a lot of emotions about one direction performing at the Olympics and I just can't wait to watch the videossssss

Firstly: I feel the need to apologize for constantly being drunk and disorderly on this journal. I have been drunk a lot the past few weekends. Ugh.

Secondly: yesterday Headly (the terrible Canadian band) performed in my city and then they randomly were at the bar my friends and I were frequenting. My friend Geoff is the bartender there and informed me that my friend Rachel and I were stealing all of the shots they kept buying. I think Headly hates me now. I had no idea they were even the band, we just saw thirty shots and thought (drunkenly),"HELL YES!".

Today has been a tumblr/lounging/one direction fic reading kind of day.

Perfect.

Seriously. In 2004 I was OBSESSED with LOTR (and still love love love that shit) and I was a HUGE dom/lij shipper... and I started this stupid livejournal to troll boards and people that wrote something called Fanfiction. My life has since spiraled down into a hole of boybands/brotherlove/teenwolf/all-of-the-things

SO when THIS showed up on my tumblr I actually made a RIDICULOUS noise and almost started crying.



INTERVIEWER: Are you getting a little homesick?
ELIJAH: Yeah, well I am. It’s very surreal, it’s like watching my family carry on but I also find it incredibly heartwarming and endearing too - [spotting Dominic] Oh shit! Hang on, speaking of family! [x]

I AM WEEPING.

okay. I understand that this is no longer relevant to ANY corners of ANY fandom that I exist in anymore, but I just needed this in my life and on my journal.