It’s important to note I’m not giving into weakness… At least it’s important to me. Despite how hard today has been so far, and despite how hard it may or may not get as it continues, I am not breaking down into weakness. That’s not who I am anymore.

I’m writing for that reason. Like a lightning rod, writing grounds me and centres me. It’s easy to get angry and annoyed, it’s easy to just say “fuck it” and “to hell with it”; it’s easy to just give in. But that’s not me. I am fighting. I am not being this passive player in life anymore. I am not being controlled by emotions and irrationality. I am fighting to stay calm and fighting to keep my wits.

I will take control of myself and of the situation and I will repair this.