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Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
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5:15 am
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so i did lie. your opinion does matter.
i flipped out when you said all those things to me because your opinion matters that much to me. Its almost like my father saying it to me. and this whole ordeal made me realize that that is the reason why your opinion matters so much, why i constantly come running back to you to try and gain your approval, why i really seek your affection. because you remind me of him. you remind me of all of his bad and all of his good. I thought i had detached myself from my fathers opinions a long time ago. when really i had just replaced there importance on you. It makes sense, because every time i needed someone, you were the main male influence there. but i hate that i did that, because since our fight, i have never felt so small, foolish, immature, selfish and generally worthless. I hate that i have allowed you to make me feel this way. Well its not up to you anymore. I wont listen to your cruel words anymore. I need to learn to love myself despite your opinion or anyone else's. You made me weak right now. but I will be stronger than that.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
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8:48 pm
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my everything is tired. my thoughts my heart my body.
work is far too long every day. i never get to see anyone.
i need a vacation please.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 12th, 2007
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3:35 am
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awesome day. got alittle awkward and anxious at the show.
but i love my life right now, im finally surrounding myself with people who truely care about me and dont walk all over me all the time. for the first time i think i'm realizing that i deserve to be happy too.
what sucks is that ciara will be leaving for rome on sept. 5, which means 3 whole months of no ciara-age. no starbucks talks, corona nights, speaking in sign language, inside jokes and the general ridiculousness that is ciara and i.
good news is that kelsey comes home sept. 13, and i couldnt be more excited to have random late night drives, talk about septum rings, sit at the diner and laugh until my face feels like its going to fall off and the general hiliarity that kelsey is.
stargazers<3
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 8th, 2007
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4:26 pm
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i wish i could talk to you and tell you exactly how i feel about everything that happened.
i miss you.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 11th, 2007
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5:25 pm
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living away from home is sweet
senior week is sweet
missing someone sucks
always being wrong sucks
new puppy downstairs is sweet
not having a car and needing groceries sucks
vcc starting soon is sweet
getting drunk and trying to forget you tonight..sweet/sucks?
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
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2:52 pm - i am against all golden retrievers, except angel.
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my poor puppy got attacked by a golden retriever from the neighborhood. shes okay, just scared and her googly eye is hurt. poor wiggle butt :(
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, May 22nd, 2006
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11:15 pm
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| Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
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12:29 am
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| Thursday, April 27th, 2006
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11:09 pm
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| Sunday, April 16th, 2006
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10:50 pm
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tomorrows my birthday.
ive never been so fed up with my household. and i know i cant leave this place for a long time.
something always fucks up my birthday, i wait for it every year. i dont even care anymore.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, April 10th, 2006
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3:00 am
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i really wish i could forget about the past just this one time, and pretend i havent been hurt before.
for once i have an amazing boy. who treats me even better than i should be treated. who isnt crazy, who doesnt treat me like shit, who wont cheat on me. and i know i can trust him. i really do. but theres always just an ounce of doubt that flips me over and drops me on my head. i know i have nothing to worry about with him. but i worry anyways. cause thats how i am. because ive been hurt in so many ways, that i always expect the worst. i hope he teaches me how to expect the best.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
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9:42 pm
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it was a messy evening.
i couldnt do it without the support of scott, my three girlies, and my mom.
love you all so much.
How sweet it is to be loved by you
I close my eyes at night
Wondering where would I be without you in my life
Everything I did was just a bore
Everywhere I went it seems I’d been there before
But you brighten up for me all of my days
With a love so sweet in so many ways
I just want to stop and thank you baby
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 20th, 2006
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8:55 pm
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today was a bad day. i find that days im not around people that love me, are bad days.
pssas are annoying.
im allergic to the saw dust of brazillian cherry
i threw a needle at my psychologist.
bad day.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
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12:44 am
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im a disgustingly jealous human being. and i dont think ill ever be completely happy with myself.
i found my charcoal pencils tonight and sketched a bit.
i kinda like the new style ive had lately. its very geometric and bold and personal.
still waiting on the judging from the show. kinda really nervous.
bad day.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
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9:53 pm
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I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
but she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 26th, 2006
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11:17 pm
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you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX.
"I am affectionate and skeptical"
Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.
How to Get Along with Me
Be direct and clear.
Listen to me carefully.
Don't judge me for my anxiety.
Work things through with me.
Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
Laugh and make jokes with me.
Gently push me toward new experiences.
Try not to overreact to my overreacting.
What I Like About Being a Six
being committed and faithful to family and friends
being responsible and hardworking
being compassionate toward others
having intellect and wit
being a nonconformist
confronting danger bravely
being direct and assertive
What's Hard About Being a Six
the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations
Sixes as Children Often
are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent
Sixes as Parents
are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries
it asked me two questions. and got me perfectly. that minorly scares me.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, February 6th, 2006
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11:46 pm
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i had a phone therapy session today. it was kinda weird, but i was able to be alot more open with her.
what we discussed was getting the negative things out of my life, and things i cannot remove, to look at or handle in different ways.
1st goal.
remove all negative dramatic and destructive people that i have friendships with from my life.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, January 30th, 2006
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1:57 am
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i like having friends that i dont have to worry about doing stupid shit all the time. i like having friends i can relate to about all my problems and are sympathetic towards them. i like having friends i can talk to about girly shit and smoke cigarettes with. i like having friends that will drive to new hope just to be there for like 20 minutes, if that, just cause we have nothing better to do. i love having friends that laugh at, yet accept my addiction to starbucks and how i must go atleast once a day and get two different things. i like having friends that i have known since i was little and i dont have to act anything but myself around.
i dont like people that ignore my exsistence. or treat me like shit whenever they talk to me. or are pretend to be bffffffffffffs with me only when were together but otherwise dont take time out of their lives to speak to me. fuck yall.
jelone style-
-i have to quit hebrew school so i can go to college next year
-i went for a meeting at gwynedd mercy... i have no clue whats going on.
-im not excited for midterms tomorrow
-i am excited for scotts parents to go away
-i forgot to take my meds today
-yesterday i got paid to color in a coloring book for 2 hours and then i went to new hope for no reason
-devils rejects is a perdy cool movie
-i love the bus scene in final destination and how my mouth was open for like a minute afterwards
-someone find a venue for the 4th
-i owe my dad a hundred dollars for a fucking calculator
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
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11:30 pm
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apparently im the worst daughter in the world.
i wish i knew what to do to make her happy.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, January 19th, 2006
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11:52 pm
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im possibly the worlds worst and sleepiest girlfriend.
i dont wanna be away all weekend.
i want to prove to you that i love you and im not a bad girlfriend.
but i need the money so bad.
atleast ill be away from home, so i can breathe without being in trouble.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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