Somehow the end of the year always brings nostalgia to JE. I admit I pay a lot less attention to them but every year around this time, I realise I still love them.

2019, this is the year where I have decided to attend an Arashi concert! ～

Happy New Year!!

I'm in a state of panick and paranoia because I don't know whether I've pissed off a friend. We are working for a charity organisation and last night the office went out to have a drink.

Me and alcohol does not necessary mean a disaster, but it certainly makes me high, higher than my already naturally-high state. Also the guy I'm crushing on was there, and I was interacting with him and I was really really happy that night. The group was teasing and poking funs at each other, and we mention about tipsyness. I asked my friend whether she remembers the time when we got so tipsy we leaned on the railing for around 15 minutes, being all dead and all. She laughed and said she does. At this point, I said I have a photo of that moment and every demanded ot see it. I whipped it out and my phone was passed around, and the group start flipping through other pictures of us and her being kind of dead in a bar. The atmosphere was amazing, we were all laughing, me and my friend included. There was no sign of she being pissed at me for this at all.

After the drink, the group went for dinner. Again there was no sign of her being pissed. I was still hyper from the alcohol, I jokely annoy her a bit, to which she responded kindly and no she was no pissed for the whole night. She was normal.

Then we got back to the office, I went to the other end of the room to chat with some guys about work and still being hyper and all.  She might have annouced she was going to leave, but I probably didn't really register it. I turned around as she left.  Later, I went home. Whilst travelling home, I was constantly worried that I may have overstepped the line during the night. Before, I went to bed, I sent her a message apologising for the photo and for being way too hyper.

I woke up the next morning and she never replied. I sent her a work-related text in the afternoon, and she didn't reply. I was anxious to the stomach the whole day, I talked to another friend, telling her how I am really worried that I might have pissed my friend off. She told me she might just be busy, and how she doens't thing my friend is pissed, and how even if she is pissed she won't stay pissed for long. I called her after dinner but no one picked up. At this point, I'm already panicking, a lot. I typed out a very long apology. I was about to copy and paste it to the conversation, I noticed she replied to my work-text. A very simple, no emoticon text saying that she will look into the email I gave her. That was it. I didn't know what to make of it. But she is a very very dear friend of mine, so I sent r my apology.  She didn't reply to that.

I don't know what to do. I'm really worried. I don't know whether she is angry or not. She has every right to be angry. I know forgiveness don't come easy and it's not for granted even if you ask. I know I may have many times step over the line and I know how I always say I'll improve and make sure it never happens again. But it seems like I'm a shit person when it comes to learning from my mistake. I just never learn. I probably don' t deserve it at all. But it is eating me away so much. I need to know whether she is pissed, I want her forgiveness a lot. If she is pissed, I want her to yell at me, to be pissed at me, but the silent treatment and not knowing, it really kills me. She is one of my best friend, and I've known her for a long time.

I really really want to know.  I'm worried. 

Had my second exam today on Criminal Procedure course. Being a procedure course, it means we'd have to know all the process and procedures and different powers of the court and the criminal justice system. Basically cramming, because there's no logic in how a system works, what papers you have to file, how days you have to do it ,ugh. Thank god, it was open book.

But then being open book makes it harder, they can ask more difficult questions, plus there won't be anytime to actually flip through and read the book during the exams anyways. That's not too bad, I can handle dry cramming information in my head.

But it's f***ing pissing off that they manage to pick questions concerning the more obscure and relately uncommon things they could ask.  Go to hell for making our lives harder than it already it.

It's bad enough that they made the alleged offence so borderline on the sentencing scale, which means there's a chance we might go off in the wrong direction when we are discussing whether it was an appropriate sentence. Especially annoying because they don't seem to accept the opposite view even with proper justification. If you don't think the same way as the marker, too bad, justify it with proper and sound reasoning all your want, you're wrong.

Then they decide to ask a questionre based entirely on a separate policy document, that I doubt manby people did read through it (I didn't!), which was at most mentioned twice in the textbook, and the said mention does not even allude to what the question was asking. So F*** that, I didn't read it, I was confused, I Bulled some random stuff in it, came out heard someone said it, remember that damn thing, knew I was in so much trouble because i just lost a 7 mark question completely, 14% of my mark gone. Oh great, now that's definitely a B-range, and that's assuming i did relatively well in the other 43 marks.

That last question they pulled out these tiny point that would've been so easily overlooked (or directs you to the wrong section). I made the mistake of reading the wrong section. But in that last 15 minutes, while flipping through my notes, I finally found the correct section! So I saved that question. That was the one good thing in this exam.

/end rant.

tl;dr, the examw as terrible, it was hell, and I'm depressed.

but  know i can't let that affect me too much,  I still have 2 closed book exam coming up and another exam after that. So that's 10 days to memorise everything and revise that last one.

oh the joy. can't wait for it to be over!
-x-
What made me smile: MY SHIP: #CAPTAINSWAN IS SO CANON IT HURTS ♥. I totally needed that to keep my emotions up :)

I was watching an old episode of Otameshi ~ Ka earlier today with Shingo as the guest and a surprise appearnace by Takki and Tsubasa, and they sang "Heartful Voice"! Well well, I've nearly forgot this gem in my music library ♥

I'm glad they are finally releasing something new this year :)!

Tackey & Tsubasa - Heartful Voice PV from chau do on Vimeo.

I just love it when you suddenly remember some amazing song that you haven't listened to for awhile!

In other news....Just had my first exam earlier today! 16 more days till I'm done with my remaining 4 exams, and the starting of some binge-TV-watching!

To everyone with finals, good luck! And if you're already done, well then, have a nice summer holiday? :)

I was lucky and I finally had the chance to enrolled in the Japanese Language 1.1 (Part 2) course for my free elective slot. (Part 2 because it's in semester 2 and I passed the placement test so I could waive the requirement *fist pump*!)

It's a basic beginner course, like basic of the basics. I have no problem understanding things and overall the course is relaxing, I would say. Well, relaxing in a sense. Years of fangirling, watching variety bangumi, jdrama etc definitely made the learning experience a WHOLE lot easier. In terms of pronounication, basic things of how the language goes, understanding, I'm fine. I mean, I watch most of the variety shoes without subs anyways, and by and large get through it understanding what's being said.

But as with all language learning goes (for me at least), my Achilles' heel - Grammar. It stumps me every single time. Learning the language from media meant that when it comes to grammar, at least certain parts of it, it comes naturally/ from guesswork/ or the whatever sounds right approach (e.g the て form). But that won't cut it for everything...

Bad grammar means I can't write properly, or string together a proper 100% correct sentence in writing/orally.
Which means, panick for the upcoming composition assignment!

The title is『将来の夢』and I'll have to include the following things:
- あなたは子どもの時、何になりだかったですか？
- どうしてですか？
- 今、将来何になりたいですか？/何をしたいですか？
- どうしてですか？
- 夢のためにもう準備を始めましたか？
- どんな準備を始めましたか？/これからどんな準備をしたいですか？
(btw i'm pretty sure we have to write about jobs. unfortunately I can't rant about how I want to go to Japan and watch arashi/smap and am now busting my butt studying so i can get a job and be able to fly there etc haha)

I haven't attempt it yet, but I am already panicking about the whole load of grammatically mistake there will be, looking forward to that page full of red crosses and circles. -sigh-

~~~

On this note, Is this the right choice? Obviously, I chose Japanese because i love it, I want to learn it and had been wanting to do it ever since. Unfortunately, my program only allows me to do one semester of it. I am enjoying classes and it's the only enjoyable class I have amongst my other ones. But still, I can't help but feel like I shouldn't have picked this.

For some reason, Japanese class, unlike the rest of the language classes, has 6 hours of lesson per week. 2 lectures and 1 skill classes. Not to mention, my two lectures are at 4:30-6:30pm which means 2 days I week, I would get home late and be too tired to do work from my regular classes. It'll be such a bummer, if my grades drop further because of this. but then I am enjoying it so much so it'll be worth it. right? right? yes. I'm sure!!! >:(