February's beermoney income report:

Swagbucks: $82.09
EarnHoney: $45
PrizeRebel: $5

Admittedly, I got lazy with running nCraves on PrizeRebel. But considering I didn't redeem anything in January, that's an improvement.

EarnHoney managed to tie December with most amount redeemed in a calendar, which is pretty impressive since A) it's not Christmas, and B) February is the shortest month. Must have been all the Valentine and President's Day commercials.

I did something a little different with this month's Swagbucks's calculations - the math above includes ALL the bonus SB I normally wouldn't be bothered to calculate in. The reason is because they had a Spin and Win promotion towards the end of February and I wasted all my spins on tiny amounts of SB and entries for sweepstakes I don't care about because RNG hates me. Those bonus SB from the Spin and Win (no matter how tiny) added up quickly and they don't count towards the Daily or Secondary Goal.

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth putting in time in writing out how I can pull in all this extra money every month. No, not these beermoney summaries - I mean more in terms of what I actually do each day. (Long story short, run EarnHoney on the living room PC from when I get home until I leave for work in the morning and 24/7 on weekends, run nCraves via PrizeRebel on my laptop, run the six Swagbucks apps and when they dry out, whatever other beermoney apps on my iPod Touch, and run the Swagbucks website my PC, until I decide whether or not it's worth getting a Windows tablet for Swagbucks.)

People think it's too much effort for too little pay, but it's their loss when they complain about not having the money to pay for whatever new hot shit comes out, or if they suffer a major financial setback. By my calculations I will hit $1000 lifetime earnings just on Swagbucks alone this month (if only by virtue of being the first beermoney site I joined) and had I not had to deal with unexpected financial situations and impulse Steam purchases I could probably have paid off one of my student loans by now.

Monthly Swagbucks totals based on the following formula:

Amount earned + $3 month bonus + $X.XX meter bonus

June 2016: $31.12 + $1.32 = $32.44 (this is due to me joining mid-June)
July 2016: $96.11 + $3.00 + $5.42 = $104.53
August 2016: $114.61 + $3.00 + $6.54 = $124.15
September 2016: $91.79 + $3.00 + $4.01 = $98.80
October 2016: $96.77 + $3.00 + $6.28 = $106.05
November 2016: $106.57 + $3.00 + $6.21 = $115.78
December 2016: $162.10 + $3.00 + $12.73 = $177.83
January 2017: $83.34 + $3.00 + $4.29 = $90.63
February 2017: $82.09 + $3.00 + $5.83 = 90.92

DISCLAIMER: Keep in mind with the exception of February 2017, these are bonuses where I can easily keep track of. There are recurring bonuses where I cannot keep track because they're not counted in the dailies and random to boot (I earn anywhere from 1-4 cents from the random dailies) and there are one-off bonuses, like incentives for referring people during a certain time period. These are not counted in the money earned above, so the actual amount I've earned may be slightly higher than stated here.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/957416.html.

A month after Grandma passed away in 2012 I wrote that the flow of time seemed like forever, yet simultaneously went just as fast.

Aside from live-tweeting Fresh Off the Boat, I haven't been on Twitter since the 17/18 of this month. I don't care to look right now. (To anyone who recognizes that avatar of mine - hi. I don't know how you found me considering I very rarely mention this blog, but you're welcome to stay and read the stark raving mad ramblings of a deranged lunatic.)

I haven't been keeping up with the news, either. I see article smatterings on the Internet and my phone every now and then. Tiffany seems to have taken up my previous habit of having a news channel on as background noise during evenings.

I had to get off Twitter and the news cycle - last week I woke up feeling like I genuinely wanted to vomit my guts out and I knew and was aware I didn't give myself a case of self-inflicted food poisoning.

Not having been on Twitter for almost a week now and not keeping with the news feels like the first month after Grandma passed away.

Time feels slow, almost immemorial at times. And yet, time goes by just as fast.

I also feel a little better. Still highly stressed out as ever, though.

It's gotten to the point that even Tiffany has offered to pay me to get my hair colored to cover up all the gray that keeps appearing on my head. And Tiffany is not one to concern herself with how she presents herself in terms of visual appearance.

Time is all fucked up right now. And yet it still goes on.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/957173.html.

January's beermoney income report:

Swagbucks: $83.34
EarnHoney: $25
PrizeRebel: $0

Yep, $0 redeemed from PrizeRebel. Even though January is when all the advertising dollars dry up, that's still pitiful.

Hell, EarnHoney still managed to get me $25 with the drought and that's after I have to deal with whatever "antivirus" crap Dad installed on the living room computer that keeps triggering false positives.

Swagbucks has nerfed their Encrave section not only in terms of SB points, but they also made it that you have to have the mouse on the browser window. The reduction of is understandable, but the fact they made it so you have to have the mouse on the page itself means I now run Encrave via PrizeRebel on my laptop because fuck that shit. Not happy that whatever "antivirus" (quote-unquote because the software he installed is in a language I can't read) Dad's got will trigger Swagbucks which means I can't do this beermoney thing as passively as I would like.

I might have to look into a Windows tablet computer for Swagbucks in the future. That iPod Touch is paying itself off handsomely with Swagbucks's apps.

Monthly Swagbucks totals based on the following formula:

Amount earned + $3 month bonus + $X.XX meter bonus

June 2016: $31.12 + $1.32 = $32.44 (this is due to me joining mid-June)
July 2016: $96.11 + $3.00 + $5.42 = $104.53
August 2016: $114.61 + $3.00 + $6.54 = $124.15
September 2016: $91.79 + $3.00 + $4.01 = $98.80
October 2016: $96.77 + $3.00 + $6.28 = $106.05
November 2016: $106.57 + $3.00 + $6.21 = $115.78
December 2016: $162.10 + $3.00 + $12.73 = $177.83
January 2017: $83.34 + $3.00 + $4.29 = $90.63

DISCLAIMER: Keep in mind these are bonuses where I can easily keep track of. There are recurring bonuses where I cannot keep track because they're not counted in the dailies and random to boot (I earn anywhere from 1-4 cents from the random dailies) and there are one-off bonuses, like incentives for referring people during a certain time period. These are not counted in the money earned above, so the actual amount I've earned may be slightly higher than stated here.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/956811.html.

So we're less than 48 hours before the coronation of King Fuckface von Clownstick. Long may he live, at least until karma bites him hard. And if he somehow manages to not get impeached, resign, or die and decides on indulging the dumbest idea of running for reelection in 2020 and if I find out you fucking gweilos decided we didn't have enough of the incoming 4 years' mess and voted him AGAIN in 2020, you and I are no longer on speaking terms, apart from business and occasional pleasantries.

You will indulge me for a bit, as this is something that has been on my mind since hell froze over last November.

Do the following sound like family values?

1. Defunding Planned Parenthood because they provide abortion services, never mind it's only 3% of all the services they offer
2. Defunding research on diseases (eg. treatments, vaccines, cures)
3. Repealing the ACA
4. Closing abortion clinics for women with unwanted pregnancies
5. No paid family leave

Sure doesn't sound like it, right?

But let's go further.

Every time I hear someone say they're "pro-life", I have to wonder.

Fine, you believe life begins at conception, not when a human being is born after 9 months' gestation. But from there, let me ask the following questions.

Has it ever occurred to you, the one who screams "PRO-LIFER 4 LYFE" how FUCKING expensive children are?

What if the baby is diagnosed with some kind of medical condition that will require lifelong care for as long as that baby grows up and somehow survives to adulthood?

When you say "pro-life", do you mean "pro-life for the duration of that person's lifespan" or are you just really pro-baby?

Where is your goddamn empathy for the woman who realizes her unborn child may not be able to survive in this world without (expensive) life-saving medicine and treatment?

...you know, I've heard that those of liberal-minded views should open their minds and see why people voted von Clownstick in office, be more tolerant, be more understanding to what Van Jones called whitelash.

No.

Absolutely not.

You know why?

When I say "you", I am referring to white people. I am not so rude as to collectively call you gweilo, but I am also not in the mood for using the term "westerner" in more polite conversation.

What crime have I - a person of color, or as some white people view me, a goddamn perpetual foreigner - committed against you?

What have I robbed you of? Opportunity? Your dignity? Your value on earth with all the white privilege that grants you?

As a person of color, I'm tired of being the one having to understand white people problems beyond what to wear or what first-world blandness to do for the weekend. Until you've had a checkout divider thrown at your head without provocation or they invent technology for me to shove my head up your ass, I don't want to hear a #NotAllWhitePeople statement.

You lost your job. So what? I've lost jobs myself.

But guess what.

I searched online, applied to every job I felt I was good fit for. I decided to see about learning programming languages, and while I still struggle, it's better than sitting around doing fuck all nothing and wringing my wrists in despair.

I even found a way to make actual money online. Not much, but an extra $50, $75, even $100 is nothing to sneeze at.

I believe you white people have a phrase for it, what was it?

Oh yeah.

Pulling up by your fucking bootstraps.

King Fuckface von Clownstick isn't going to bring your job back. He was like a date, wooing you by bringing you flowers and chocolates and making all sorts of promises, except when that date night came it turns out he brought you to a 1-star restaurant for its cheap and not-very-delicious dishes, the flowers you got are dead, you happen to have a life-threatening allergy to chocolate, and those promises? He never meant to keep them.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/956360.html.

December's beermoney income report:

Swagbucks: $162.10
EarnHoney: $45
PrizeRebel: $10

December made me $232.83 altogether. It may be slightly higher due to bonus pennies I can't be bothered to keep track of.

PrizeRebel has really been a pain in the butt to get going since I joined in September. Probably didn't help that maybe Russian hackers were committing digital fraud and PrizeRebel happened to be one of its unfortunate victims. However, that doesn't explain EarnHoney or even Swagbucks since all I do is run videos with ads and EarnHoney was a freaking beast in December, technical hiccups notwithstanding.

By my estimates I will hit $800 on Swagbucks alone sometime next week, if not, mid-January since earnings have slowed down for the time being. Provided I maintain an average of $100/month like I was doing before December, I should hit $1000 around mid or late March.

I really should've gotten started on this way earlier in life.

There's no telling what the future holds. I feel as if with Fuckface von Clownstick (who is not, and will never be, my president) there's been discussion of another recession happening, I personally think he's going to plunge us into a depression. At least I now have a way to build up savings and provide a cushion.

Monthly Swagbucks totals based on the following formula:

Amount earned + $3 month bonus + $X.XX meter bonus

June 2016: $31.12 + $1.32 = $32.44 (this is due to me joining mid-June)
July 2016: $96.11 + $3.00 + $5.42 = $104.53
August 2016: $114.61 + $3.00 + $6.54 = $124.15
September 2016: $91.79 + $3.00 + $4.01 = $98.80
October 2016: $96.77 + $3.00 + $6.28 = $106.05
November 2016: $106.57 + $3.00 + $6.21 = $115.78
December 2016: $162.10 + $3.00 + $12.73 = $177.83

DISCLAIMER: Keep in mind these are bonuses where I can easily keep track of. There are recurring bonuses where I cannot keep track because they're not counted in the dailies and random to boot (I earn anywhere from 1-4 cents from the random dailies) and there are one-off bonuses, like incentives for referring people during a certain time period. These are not counted in the money earned above, so the actual amount I've earned may be slightly higher than stated here.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/956111.html.

Good riddance, 2016.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/955829.html.

The sad truth of the matter is that for all intents and purposes, for the next four years I'm going to be okay, relatively speaking.

Sure, I'll likely suffer unemployment. Or change jobs. I will still have bills to pay. I'll probably be on the business end of another hate attack like back in October.

Life will go on for me, because for all my bitching about California, it is still my home. (The shithole I've been stuck in the past 20 years? Not so much.) And if we're going to be stuck in traffic we're going to be stuck on some well-maintained roads, dammit. Whatever happens in the swamps will have minimal, if any, effect on my day to day life.

However, That Idiot is not, and will never be, my president.

Not now.

Not ever.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/955637.html.

November's beermoney income report:

Swagbucks: $106.57
EarnHoney: $20
PrizeRebel: $10

...Well November was a month.

EarnHoney and PrizeRebel didn't pan out as much as I hoped this month despite being the month that leads up to the holidays.

I managed to crack over $600 in earnings from Swagbucks which means yay, I get to deal with taxes next year. Hooray. Maybe I can take a home office deduction?

I feel like every time I suggest any of the beermoney sites to people, I come off as being pushy, especially when people tell me it's too much effort for too little pay.

Maybe this whole beermoney thing only works for me because I don't spend time watching movies, I spend very little time watching TV and even less now that America decided to drink the Kool-Aid and elect a fucking dictator with tiny hands and even thinner skin than tissue paper, and video games mean I can put down, play another video list, pick up where I left off. Same with housework.

Because dammit if I'm going to be a lazy ass I might as well get paid for it, right?

Monthly Swagbucks totals based on the following formula:

Amount earned + $3 month bonus + $X.XX meter bonus

June 2016: $31.12 + $1.32 = $32.44 (this is due to me joining mid-June)
July 2016: $96.11 + $3.00 + $5.42 = $104.53
August 2016: $114.61 + $3.00 + $6.54 = $124.15
September 2016: $91.79 + $3.00 + $4.01 = $98.80
October 2016: $96.77 + $3.00 + $6.28 = $106.05 (this is a correction)
November 2016: $106.57 + $3.00 + $6.21 =$115.78

DISCLAIMER: Keep in mind these are bonuses where I can easily keep track of. There are recurring bonuses where I cannot keep track because they're not counted in the dailies and random to boot (I earn anywhere from 1-4 cents from the random dailies) and there are one-off bonuses, like incentives for referring people during a certain time period. These are not counted in the money earned above, so the actual amount I've earned may be slightly higher than stated here.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/955281.html.

Things I imagine will happen between now and 2020:

- World War III starts

- California and much of the west coast secedes, starts Civil War II (I'd pay good money to see this happen)

- Fuckface von Clownstick cheats on Mrs. Fuckface von Clownstick, gets into a sex scandal (give it some time)

- von Clownstick voters will bitch and complain in the intervening years that things have taken for the worse, or at best, haven't gotten better for their lot, refuse to acknowledge WE TOLD YOU FUCKING SO

- increase in sales of GoPro and other civilian body cameras for those who can't or refuse to arm themselves with guns

- Fuckface von Clownstick is tasked with speaking to the nation about a major tragedy, bungles it worse than Bush did with Hurricane Katrina. It can either be a major natural disaster, or people deciding other people couldn't have nice things, like being able to live their own normal lives. This is not a matter of if. It's a matter of when.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/955104.html.

It's been 48 hours.

I'm done with denial and moved on to anger. There will come a time when bargaining and depression comes into play but I will NEVER head for the last step, not anytime in the next four years and I don't intend to head there.

I've mentioned before I had thought about committing suicide at age 12. And somehow I had the fortitude to not say goodbye to this cruel world, not just yet.

I'm fucking angry. I'm beyond fucking angry.

There are fundamental aspects of myself I cannot change. We're not talking about opinions here. Never have I felt I had to guard myself against potential physical or verbal violence while simply going about at the mall after work all because I'm a woman of color. And I live in bleeding heart liberal territory for fucks' sake.

Just because I hear it's happening elsewhere doesn't mean it cannot happen here. That's what I thought too until that encounter with the hellfire and damnation racist gweilo last month.

We are all inherently selfish to some degree. I'm being selfishly petty when I tell people I won't pay for another movie ticket until Hollywood learns to stop whitewashing out Asian roles. I'm being selfish when I don't want to visit my relatives for the holidays because dramas large and small.

I'm being selfish when I tell friends I want to sit in the rooftops to go see TSO because I sat in the rooftops in 2006, 10 years ago, when I'm a member of the band's fan club and could have gotten some nice floor seats and see the band up close. (Sorry guys.)

I could have been selfish and not give advice to that westerner lady who wanted to know where she could shop for Asian vegetables and ingredients. I chose not to.

You had the fucking Devil in plain sight promising you what was essentially counterfeit anthrax-laced tickets covered with razor blades to salvation. And regardless of your education level you took it, hook, line, and sinker.

Don't you dare go #NotAllWhitePeople on me, as Samantha Bee said.

If I'm expected to uphold that so-called "model minority" act when I know I fucking cannot, and am tasked for that failure - if people of color are expected to shoulder the blame for one rogue act within their circle - white people should be held to the same standard.

I used to think being forced to move to this shithole 20 years ago was the worst thing to happen in my life.

I was so very wrong.

This week has been the worst thing to happen in my life.

I'm not about to go into the night quietly. Oh hell no. If you're going to drag me into the night, I'm going to raise as much ruckus and break as much expensive shit as I'm going to and you're not going to stop me.

Maybe it's selfish of me.

Is it selfish of you to target someone who has never done anything to you, whose only crime was being born a different ethnicity, a different way of life?

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/954720.html.

And now I wish I hadn't.

White people.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.

This past year I often heard the clarion call that America as a whole needs to be more inclusive, more diverse, be open to differences and different opinions.

"Let's all celebrate our sameness!" said no teacher ever in my K-12 years.

I see it's all a sham now.

Shame on me for believing gweilos could be open to different opinions, different ideas.

You selfish pricks just want the pretty colors, the pretty rituals, the pretty foods. You want the culture. Not the people who made that culture.

You say one thing, but think and do another. To call you duplicitous two-faced asswipes would be an insult to Harvey Dent (who could make a better President even after his transformation as Two-Face) and toilet paper everywhere.

I haven't felt this cynical or despondent since I was in middle school.

What has every person of color ever done to make you so afraid of us? Do our appearances, our way of lives, our very existence offends you?

At what point did someone say, "White people's experiences should be diminished in favor of POC experiences"? I must've missed the memo on that one.

Don't even get me started on religion.

Who is this Jesus that you worship to? The Jesus I've known from reading Bible texts during Chinese school preached love and being open to all. Tell me, who is this Jesus that tells you to discriminate, hate, and shun those unlike you in appearance and orientation?

What is this church that preaches it's okay to commit adultery, never mind indulge those seven sins?

After that encounter with that hellfire and damnation racist gweilo last month and now last night, I'm legitimately fearing for my life to the point I've started researching personal body cameras because at least I'm willing to admit I don't trust myself with a gun and a body cam is probably the second best thing I could do to protect myself since I really do not want to get into a physical fight with another person. (Hey, I may like violent video games but violence should only stay in the realm of fiction.) At least back in school if I got into a fight or altercation with another kid there was an adult to keep us apart, as an adult myself now it feels like unless you're white, it's every man, woman, and child of color for themselves.

I see your true colors shining through.

And no amount of chemicals is going to make me unsee it.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/954536.html.

This is how liberty dies.

With thunderous applause.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/954276.html.

Mom: I went to Jack's house today, guess what Jill and Emma wanted to be when they grow up.
Me: What?
Mom: Nurse and police officer.
Me: I guess they must take after Daddy and Uncle Edward.

That still leaves Tiffany as an outlier in terms of childhood goals...

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/953985.html.

The monthly beermoney income report:

Swagbucks: $96.77
EarnHoney: $40
PrizeRebel: $25

So, close to $160. That's not counting bonus money from Swagbucks for meeting daily/monthly goals.

It seems lately I read about friends who whine and complain about how they can't afford some new toy or heart's desire, and when I point them to Swagbucks, EarnHoney, or
PrizeRebel they proceed to complain it's too much work for too little pay, or too invasive in terms of privacy. Privacy issues aside (I feel this is applicable only on surveys and maybe EarnHoney), I feel like they seem to miss a detail I've mentioned previously.

No matter how you go about earning money - passive income, a job, self-employed - unless one is a corporate banker of sorts, earning money is going to be fucking hard. Ever noticed how little money you get for recycling bottles? And sure, a penny or three per task or action doesn't sound like much.

But if you roll a tiny snowball downhill on a mountain, what do you eventually have at the bottom? An avalanche.

Just look at that amount I made from October 1 to October 30. Even without EarnHoney and PrizeRebel, I pull in easily close to an extra $100 from Swagbucks alone only because I, by my own confession, am frankly insane. It also helps that having a boycott against Hollywood does wonders.

The only thing that's changed since I started the whole thing has mostly been to check on videos/playlists every now and again on Swagbucks and PrizeRebel. Sometimes I just even ignore PrizeRebel altogether since I consider that and EarnHoney my secondary income streams.

And despite what people think - too much work for too little pay - it's not like I've completely focused my dedication on beermoney. I still play video games. I still watch Fresh Off the Boat now that it's back on the air. I still do housework because Tiffany is a lazy ass. I even spent a day in Little Tokyo earlier this month for AkibaFest and get Tales of Graces f signed by Bryce Papenbrook at the autograph session. When it comes to beermoney I can put in as much or as little effort as I feel like, depending on circumstances.

My routine hasn't really changed. It takes only a few seconds for me to check on things, and I go back to whatever actual task I was doing. Time is money and I only pay attention when I'm not being paid for my free time.

ETA: In case anyone is wondering what my actual earnings from Swagbucks are when I factor in bonuses on the following formulae:

Amount earned + $3 month bonus + $X.XX meter bonus

June 2016: $31.12 + $1.32 = $32.44 (this is due to me joining mid-June)
July 2016: $96.11 + $3.00 + $5.42 = $104.53
August 2016: $114.61 + $3.00 + $6.54 = $124.15
September 2016: $91.79 + $3.00 + $4.01 = $98.80
October 2016: $96.77 + $3.00 + $9.28 = $109.05

Keep in mind these are bonuses where I can easily keep track of. There are recurring bonuses where I cannot keep track because they're not counted in the dailies and random to boot (I earn anywhere from 1-4 cents from the random dailies) and there are one-off bonuses, like incentives for referring people during a certain time period. These are not counted in the money earned above, so the actual amount I've earned may be slightly higher than stated here.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/953779.html.

April 2016: Apply for a QA position. Also get called about a software test engineer position, get hired for that.

May 2016: Do work as a STE.

June 2016: Make a complete ass of myself promoting video games Do work at E3. Discover Swagbucks.

July: Begin my descent to madness, AKA being very, very determined to get literally paid for free time.

August 2016: Return to Disney.

September 2016: Descend into further madness by joining EarnHoney and PrizeRebel.

October 2016: Get a return call from that April 2016 position.

....

Employers, if you want respect from potential employees, you have to respect their time.

Had I gotten a response from that April 2016 position of "oh, we're interviewing, come on in"/"we're not hiring right now" back in April, May, or even June, I wouldn't be saying, "I need to think on it" while going, "WTF were you doing the entire six months then?" at this very moment.

The waiting game.

Whether you're a gamer or not, you're forced to play it.

And when it comes to jobs and employment, it's the worst version of the waiting game.

When people say it feels like the US economy hasn't really recovered, IT'S THAT GODDAMN FUCKING WAITING GAME.

Don't leave (potential) employees hanging in suspense. The only suspense should be in fiction.

At least a rejection would mean I can stop waiting, and start looking somewhere else.

Now I have to wonder if Disney would appreciate me jumping ship when I've only just come back to them.

Hell, I'm sick of the instability in my life. What would it take to get a full-time, permanent job for at least a few years?

I wouldn't mind a second job. But Disney alone means there's always the chance that unexpected overtime could occur. And overtime may not work well with a second job, especially if it happens at the last minute.

I'm not gonna lie, that higher pay from that April position tempts me. But only 3-6 months? Sure, the recruiter said possibility of extension, but that's just it. Possibility. Not guaranteed.

I keep hearing about people finding permanent jobs. I'm starting to think they're a myth.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/953532.html.

Well, that was a fun day.

And by fun I mean nearly getting hit by a checkout divider thrown by an honest-to-God (no pun intended) Bible-spewing-hellfire-and-damnation racist bigoted gweilo when all I wanted to do was pay for my groceries.

Mr. Bible-spewing-hellfire-and-damnation Racist Bigoted Gweilo, all I was doing was giving advice to a nice westerner woman who wanted recommendations on where to shop for Asian foods for a special event she was having in the next few days.

What was wrong with two women exchanging ideas on food?

I don't know what to be more surprised - sad, maybe even shocked - that such people actually existed or that I would run into one not while traveling somewhere in the Bible belt, but in California, of all places.

I always thought those kind of people - the Bible-spewing/thumping, racist, bigoted white people - I always thought most weren't like that. Bible-thumping, yes, preaching hellfire and damnation, yes, but I always figured most would keep their racism and bigotry in check while interacting with polite society.

I'm not gonna lie, had that Racist Gweilo not thrown that checkout divider at me, I would not have backed from him. The fact he felt it was okay to inflict violence at a complete stranger makes me wonder how much progress America has genuinely made in the past 20 years in terms of improving race relations.

Maybe what I saw in the grocery store was the dying breath that is the Christian-raised white American having forever been told "other people are scary" for decades and finding out holy shit, that "other person" and that white lady are having a normal conversation and the world didn't end right then and there.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/953235.html.

I swear I'm not dead.

Just that aside from being back with Disney, my ongoing boycott against Hollywood until they learn not to fuck up AAPI representation, and being miffed that I have to wait AFTER Christmas to see TSO this year (worst 10th anniversary ever), there's just been blah.

But I'd figured I might as well put this thing to use.

Since June a little after E3, I joined this website called Swagbucks. Found it on all places, Reddit. (Actually, someone mentioned /r/beermoney, which led me to /r/swagbucks, which, yeah.)

I figured if I'm going to be wasting my time applying for jobs I never hear back and playing video games when I'm unemployed, might as well get paid for it, right?

So every end of the month I'll post how much I earned on Swagbucks. Mind you, this doesn't count bonus money for meeting goals.

June 2016: $31.12
July 2016: $96.11
August 2016: $114.61
September 2016: $91.79

So, close to $100 a month, again, not including bonus money for meeting daily goals. For meeting daily goals for an entire month I get an extra $3.

The other two sites I've got going for me - PrizeRebel and EarnHoney - I've only joined those two more recently, but they've earned me $20 and $25 respectively this month. Of the two alternates I've got going after Swagbucks, I kinda prefer EarnHoney because I can just let the videos on that site run and boom, free money without me getting involved, but since you need to, A) have them send a text message to redeem money, or B) have them call you to redeem money, I can kinda see why some people might be leery of giving a website their phone number for free money.

Sure, $20, $25, maybe even $100 is not that much.

Well, okay, maybe some people will think an extra $100 a month would be pretty sweet.

But think about it. That disgusting, vile Pumpkin Spice Latte is like, $5. Just on Swagbucks I can make $5 in two days, and the $5 from Swagbucks means that's money not coming out of my paycheck working at Disney. That $5 from Disney could go towards something else.

I think of these websites as picking up loose change since many of the tasks I do - play videos - pay very little, akin to 1-10 cents. I rarely do the surveys since I seem to be part of a demographic that no one knows what to deal with and part of an age group I may or may not be relevant to marketers in a couple of years. (Well, okay, depending on who you ask, I could be classified as an older Millenial, but since most westerners don't know what to do with old people, let alone young-old Asian women, let's just say I've had the occasional cold day in hell for getting a nice survey payout every now and then.)

Sure, it's not a way to earn extra money fast. Earning money is never going to be easy, whether from jobs, passive income, or even crime (unless you're some well off banking executive). And in order for me to make that much passive income, I've put the living room PC, my laptop, and a used iPod Touch to working for me. Sounds like an insane setup, then you realize there are people who have crazier setups than me.

But an extra $100 per month means I can put money from my paycheck to better use. And I can't say no to being paid for my free time.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/952951.html.

So...

This is what it's like to watch a country slowly self-immolate itself in selfishness.

Cuntry first indeed.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/952652.html.

The greatest thing about democracy is that gives the people a voice a say in matters.

What do you do when the people are basically going about the equivalent of "We want to kill ourselves and you can't stop us"?

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/952413.html.

A lot of talk about movies during my brief stint as a software test engineer occurred this past week.

Most of it revolved about upcoming films and my refusal to watch movies until Hollywood stops fucking up in the diversity front, especially with regards to Asians/Asian-Americans.

Outside of that, a lot bitchfests have happened on the Internet because of the upcoming Ghostbusters film, how Hollywood is ruining childhoods, how the trailer's gotten a metric shit ton of dislikes whether and no one knows if it's because the Internet hate machine is powered by a bunch of whiners upset about ruined childhoods or manbabies who think they'll contract cooties because New Ghostbusters is made up of women.

As someone who has not seen the 1984 Ghostbusters (and sorry, but I'm just not interested, go ahead and CRY SOME MOAR, your tears are delicious, by the by), it's the bitchery that fascinates me.

I'm pretty sure everyone knows there's nothing new under the sun in Hollywood. There's too many sequels, remakes, prequels, reboots, spinoffs, spinoff reboots, reboot sequels, pre-sequels.

And this is where I had the idea during the hourlong commute it takes to drive 13 miles between the shithole to a place not far from The Grove it's not that Hollywood's run out of ideas.

It's that Hollywood can consider new ideas, but only when they can shoehorn white people (or Will Smith) in.

They decide to make a live-action Ghost in the Shell and put Scarlett Johansson as the lead. Don't even get me started on how they thought about digital yellowface or I'll operate plastic surgery on your face.

Even Tiffany, who got introduced to anime with Cowboy Bebop, Macross, and Ghost in the Shell, won't go see the upcoming travesty.

There are plenty of books that have not yet been adapted to the screen. I, for one, would like to see Lisa See's novels on the big screen.

Hell, I would love to see In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson adapted as movie. We could have Chadwick Boseman play Jackie Robinson again, or if he's not available, Will Smith.

I just worry about Hollywood whitewashing the roles whenever they get their hands on an Asian/AAPI-oriented work.

I suppose if Hollywood can't shoehorn white people in a work created by a person of color, just remake/reboot/sequalize/prequelize an earlier property.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/952259.html.

Scott Derrickson says he's learning and listening on how hurtful Hollywood has been on the whitewashing, stereotyping, and erasure of Asian roles, but that's just it.

Just learning and listening.

That's not good enough.

You don't get a prize for basic decency just because you say you're "learning and listening" to the bullshit I (and a lot of people using the #whitewashedOUT tag on Twitter) have had to put up with in my lifetime.

Alice Through the Looking Glass comes out later this month. And despite that I keep thinking "it's like Madness Returns except I don't get to play it", I want to go see it on opening weekend.

But not in theaters. Unless one of my friends feels like buying me a ticket.

I won't watch the movie when it's in theaters. I won't buy the movie when it comes out on Blu-ray, at least not when it's newly released. If I do end up finding a movie I like and want to own, it will most likely be a used copy so I can deprive studios of "first sale doctrine". And I can't be arsed to get a streaming account on Netflix or Amazon when I live in an area prone to power outages that could last hours.

I want to watch Alice Through the Looking Glass, but I will not, out of sheer principle.

Why?

I know I already buy few movies as it is, let alone watch movies in theaters.

Until Hollywood can prove they can cast Asians/Asian Americans in well-rounded, well-written roles, I will not give them any more of my money.

Oh sure, $10 for a movie theater ticket or $30 for that Blu-ray is chump change to the machine. You know how many games I could buy for $40 on Steam, especially during a major Steam sale? Anywhere between 4-30 if I feel like it, and I'd probably be able to customize the characters to (sorta) look like me in some of them, too.

Now imagine if everyone tired of Hollywood pretending Asian/Asian Americans don't exist, tired of Hollywood whitewashing Asian roles, tired of Hollywood using Asians/Asian Americans as nothing more than a joke or punchline did the same. Stop going to the movies. Refuse to buy the movie new on Blu-ray. Spent their money on media that feature Asians/Asian Americans with well-written characterizations.

I'm patient, I'll just wait for the BD to show up at the library or wait for the movie to come on TV. I get to watch the movie I wanted to watch without giving Hollywood my money, and without resorting to illegal torrents.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/952008.html.

So, that article about crunch time in the video game industry.

Needless to say, it's drawn a lot of criticism.

Having gone through crunch time myself (hello, 5 weeks of 6-week workdays, and that one time I spent 62.5 hours in the span of five days - and in case you're doing the math, that 40 hours' standard wage, 20 hours overtime, 2.5 double pay), crunch is not fun. As a wage-slave, the wallet benefits from the crunch (unless you are salaried, then you don't get the overtime pay), the human mind, not so much. That 62.5 hour workweek, it was a cycle of

wake up -> go to work -> spend 12-14 hours at work -> go home, make tomorrow's lunch -> go straight to bed

Repeat cycle. Five days straight.

Tiffany told me I was not myself for some time, after that week.

Crunch is, and can/could be, a result of the following combinations: poorly managed projects, inadequate or unrealistic scheduling/deadlines, unrealistic expectations between the people in the trenches and upper management, office politics.

I still remember that one time after weeks and weeks of doing overtime and that 62.5 hour workweek, H told us one Friday, "Hey guys, we don't have any overtime this weekend," the first response from everyone wasn't of joy, but "Wait, no overtime? What are we going to do with all that free time?"

That's how crunch warps your mind. You become so used to spending so much time at work trying to get things done, on time, that when normalcy (by the standards of the working world) returns, it deals a shock to one's brain.

Also, that wage-slave bit?

This wage-slave worked barely above California's minimum wage (at the time) to make sure gamers didn't flood every gaming website imaginable with complaints about how that newest app that got released doesn't work on their phone or tablet.

This wage-slave (and her other fellow slaves) did QA work on an app that was a sequel to a popular, paid app. A sequel app that was free-to-play. With microtransactions. Everyone's first thought was, "How long before iTunes/Google Play/(insert other store) will be flooded with 1-star reviews and negative comments?" And there was nothing we could do.

Hell, I even told Jack point-blank, "I do QA testing on games that you're going to bitch about on the Internet because your kids spent an absurd amount of real money for fake money because they didn't know they were spending your actual money to get the fake money on your phone."

I mean, let's not go over the fact the video game industry has the belief girls have cooties and don't deserve to have games where you play as a female character, let alone have women working in the industry. Or hell, women and men who work in the video game industry who have families/want to start families, and be able to see friends and loved ones on a regular basis.

If you have working parents doing crunch, it's not just them who suffer. The spouse will complain they don't see their partner as often as they like. The kids will wonder why their parent(s) spend so much time at work. Friends will wonder why they haven't been able to get together and spend the weekend doing leisure activities like going to the movies, or just simply sitting on a porch to shoot the breeze.

But hey, what do I know. I'm just one person. Not an expert.

Or maybe in the eyes of that expert, I'm just some waste of space because I happen to be female who worked in the video game industry.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/951318.html.

Saw the trailer for Alice Through the Looking Glass that's coming out next month.

Six years ago when I first saw Burton!Alice I basically said it was like American McGee's Alice, except I didn't get to play it.

Having seen the trailer, this is what comes into my mind:

Alice starts off in the trailer inside a hospital? Where have I seen that before?

Alice falls through the sky on the way to Wonderland Underland? Hmmm. Awfully familiar.

Alice has to figure out why the Mad Hatter is broken? Well, okay, the Mad Hatter in Madness Returns was physically broken rather than mentally broken, but really?

Remember what I said last year when I found out Through the Looking Glass was getting made? Well apparently one of them actually happened.

Don't let the "white girl simultaneously traipsing a fantasy world and what-westerners-see-as-foreign world" shit happen, for the love of fuck, please.

Hollywood already makes it far too easy for me to ignore them and not give them my nonexistent money because when I don't see myself - when I don't see genuine Asians, when I find out the Asian person in a movie is actually "white people masquerading as Asian/part Asian" like the shitstorm around Aloha - why should I give Hollywood my money?

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/951270.html.

Two years ago this month I made the decision to file name change papers.

No regrets two years on.

And yet, there are times I still think of myself by my old name. I don't stop family members from addressing me by my old name. (This will be interesting the next time I meet Theresa's kids, and time will tell what name Jack's kids will use when addressing me since Jill just calls me "Auntie" or "Little Auntie" if Tiffany's with me, and Emma hadn't learned how to say either word at the time, for now.)

And it's funny that while technically I'm still relatively young, I honestly don't take offense when young kids/strangers refer to me as "Ms. [Surname]". I was actually called that when I did volunteer work at Marengo right before senior year of high school, though it could just be a way of teaching kids that the only first names you know are your siblings/cousins of (relatively) close age/friends/aunts/uncles.

It seems like a lot of adult-age people who are not on familiar terms don't like it when you call them Mr./Mrs./Ms. X.

I wonder if I'm just old-fashioned to some degree or if it speaks to the way I was raised.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/950907.html.

In light of diversity talks and what it means to include...

I mean, sure, I don't see a lot of Asian-American portrayals in lots of western media.

But what about the interests that bring people together?

Let's use video games, since the day I give a fuck about Hollywood and diversity is the day when I see Asians/Asian-Americans portrayed on movies as more than just a case of yellow fever or socially awkward nerd. Or Asian parts getting whitewashed in the process.

When I got into video games with The Sims in 2000, all the boys I knew at the time didn't bat an eye. They either ignored me, or just simply accepted me as I am: a girl who fell in love with video games.

Over the years I've seen the scene devolve into screeching about how "SJWs" are coming to take away our VIDYA GAEMS because of lack of diversity in terms of portraying women, people of color, and sexuality. And yes, I do believe female/POC/gender-fluid lead protagonists in video games are few and far between, and have gotten fewer and even further between in the blockbuster-tier development of video games since 2000.

That's just how I view the video game scene. I'm just one person. I am only a person.

Compare the above with the other big love of my life, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

Confession time: I honestly do not remember how I discovered them. I may have heard "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24" in passing as a kid.

I do remember finding The Lost Christmas Eve at Costco and buying it a week before Christmas 2004, and Mom told me it was probably something I'd listen to once, and then forget.

She was right, and she was wrong.

I did listen to it only once, but that was because it was the holidays. When November/December 2005 came around, I went on to buy their other albums and listen them. Repeatedly.

2006 was when I first saw the band live, at Inglewood. I went by myself.

2007 was when Alley saw them live. My circle went from one to two.

2014 was when Alley's friend saw them live, with me and Alley. Two increased to three.

2015 was a repeat of 2014.

My time with the music of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra is a complete opposite of what I've experienced with video games. With TSO, I've introduced new people to music they might not have thought they would enjoy so much.

Outside the Internet (because lol, we all know there are no girls on the Internet, amirite) I've yet to meet another girl or woman aside from Tiffany who openly and unabashedly admits to liking video games.

If anything, it just exemplifies the idea that when someone says, "Oh hey, I'm new here and I LOVE [non-video game franchise/band/non-tech hobby]!" the established are very welcoming to the newbie. Only in video games if you say, "Oh hey, I'm new here and I LOVE [video-game franchise]!" the first response among the established is "GTFO n00b!"

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/950394.html.

In light of good things last week (I passed the Feb 2 interview and now I'm in [Company]'s talent pool, but no projects have been scheduled for March so I have to wait til April) and bad (Chris Rock throwing Asians and Asian Americans under the bus at the Oscars)...let's focus on the bad stuff.

Mainly because the good part, while still good, is very touch and go.

I've said before I don't watch a lot of TV shows. Or movies.

Not when I don't see myself in the western media. Not when I don't see my sister, parents, cousins on TV.

Outside of the Internet, I've never outright stated my reasons for why I don't watch a lot of TV/movies, just only stated that I don't watch a lot of TV/movies. At least with movies I could (and still do, albeit jokingly) blame Mom for not letting me or Tiffany watch whatever new hotness was out in theaters, not when she says, "You could just wait for the movie to come to tape next year."

At this point, I have to wonder just how openly spiteful I have to be to make my point across when it comes to diversity in any field. Do I have to invent my own version of the Bechdel test when it comes to how Asians/Asian American are portrayed in Hollywood?

Diversity, in which Asian Americans need not apply. In tech, Asian Americans do apply, but not in leadership roles.

If there came an apocalypse in which video games no longer existed on any platform - PC, consoles, mobile - I think I would turn to books. At least I can imagine myself in a book's story.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/950127.html.

Yesterday I had an unusual job interview.

Rather, the circumstances were strange.

Normally, it goes like this: find a position you seem to be a good match for, apply, wait, if you're lucky get a response, go to job interview, wait some more, and if you're lucky get a second response whether it's rejection or hired.

I had a recruiter call me after they found my resume on ZipRecruiter. That's not the strange part.

The strange part is the company I interviewed with is well divorced from my background in QA, video games, or even smartphones/tech hardware in general.

One of the questions I got asked was if there was anyone I saw as a role model, or someone to aspire to.

...The weird thing about that is that even as ambitious as I was when I was a kid with dreams of being a vet and going to UCLA, there was no one I ever saw as a role model. Not my parents, not my grandparents, not my cousins or friends or anyone close to my age, not my teachers or other adults.

Hell, I never even saw famous people as a personal role model, and that's including the usual choices like Martin Luther King Jr., or Mother Theresa, or Gandhi.

I can't be the only person who could never name anyone as a personal role model, right?

I wasn't that jaded or cynical before we moved, right? I could see myself being bitter and jaded after we moved, but before?

Or was I surrounded by so many idiots - well-meaning or not - in my whole life as a kid, as a teenager, that I lost the ability to see the forest for the trees?

I don't know.

Maybe because what I strive to do - show kindness to people, listen and LISTEN to what people have to say, don't judge others, be genuinely concerned when the people I care about aren't at their best - it's called being a goddamn decent human being.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/949942.html.

Apparently Hollywood is white to the point it's offensive both before and after Labor Day.

In other news, grass grows, birds fly, and I continue to remain apathetic in the face of "boycott Hollywood til they get more people of color" because I've given up any hope of ever seeing any part of me reflected in American society both in and outside Hollywood, save Fresh Off the Boat.

Let me give you some perspective.

Before Fresh Off the Boat last year, the last time I sat down to watch and enjoy a currently-airing TV show, it was Dark Angel. That show was canceled in 2004, the year I graduated from high school.

2004 to 2015, the only TV shows I watched during those times were The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I practically watched no fiction (either scripted or "reality") TV shows in those 11 years.

Hell, I still don't watch a whole lot of TV even with Fresh Off the Boat.

With movies, at least part of my apathy stems from Mom never letting me or Tiffany go to the theater and watch whatever new hotness came out when we were kids. I think Rush Hour was the only time I ever went to see a movie in an actual theater before I entered high school.

When I don't see other Asians on TV or movies - when I don't see myself - it's very much like a one-way mirror. The light side is where all the westerners (and maybe token people of color) are, the dark side is where everyone else is.

When I do see other Asians on TV or movies and they don't broaden beyond tokenism, "socially awkward person" or "academic Mary Sue/Gary Stu" - it's an awful funhouse mirror.

A regular mirror will reflect mostly everything that is visible to the mirror.

Every time I read articles or hear news about the lack of diversity anywhere, or whatever major role or movie got whitewashed, it just brings me back to a recurring statement I've told other people:

American westerners like (insert) culture, they just don't like (insert people who made up said culture).

And people wonder why the hell I spend so much of my leisure time playing video games.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/949720.html.

20 years...

I last saw you guys 20 years ago.

I wonder how everyone's doing all these years later.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/949466.html.

Some people say Superman 64 is the worst game.

Others say it's Big Rigs.

Aquaman on the GameCube is also a contender for the worst game.

My personal worst game is the waiting game.

It's taking me a lot of willpower to not pick up the phone and call the recruiter after Tuesday's interview.

Cross-posted from http://leonia.dreamwidth.org/949036.html.