This whole thing, with you texting me at one in the morning to see if I can come in early tomorrow.... not okay. Especially since I know your up this late because you've obviously been drinking, and are now too far drunk to want to get up early to work. Oh, and the other week when you took off hours from my time card and put them on the next week so you wouldn't have to pay my overtime (might I add you did this because you had called me in early again for the same fucking reason) .... super fucking illegal. And when you and your wife bicker in the kitchen.... nearly every fucking day.... often ending in one of you storming off; let me just assure you now that its not cute. And don't forget the time that you called me in early and lied to me about being sick so I would cover for you.... even though I actually was sick.

LAST FUCKING STRAW. I'm done, as soon as I find a new job.... ADIOS MOTHER FUCKERS!

Some skanky ass ho is trying to move in on my territory..... I'm gonna have to open up a can of whoop ass and SMACK A BITCH!

Dear Cuntbag,

I'm about ready to fly back to Massachusetts and kick your conniving cuntish face into the ground.... I can't wait until the day that I can tell you what a loathsome little bitch you are to your face.

Yours Truly,
Serena

I'm done caring. I just want my baby back now. 3 months is too long. :(

I think I'm starting to get it... you just LOVE driving me crazy. That's it right? That's why you keep disappearing like this? I didn't even get to see you since you got back to Boston and now your gone again? Why? Where? How come you didn't say anything? Did you know that I've been calling your phone every day for the past week, worried about you? Yeah, I know they've been disconnected, but some part of me still hopes that it will keep ringing and at least hand me over to an answering machine. Something to let me know that your still okay. And when I finally do hear from you, this is all I get:

"hi princess

you are always in my prayers and i know i will see you soon

ALSO REMEMBER BEFORE THE LIGHT IT HAS TO BE DARK!!    i will explain.

peace
JJ"

Really? What in the HELL is that supposed to mean? Why do you have to be so ominous? What could possibly be taking up all your time that you can't explain now? That you can't take 5 minutes to give me some fucking clue as to where the hell you've been for the past 2 weeks?

I don't think I'm unjustified when I say WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm going to Utah! I know it's crazy and ridiculous, but if I'm going to do something crazy and ridiculous in my lifetime.... then now is the time to do it, right? I love Boston, I do! But I certainly don't think I should stay here my whole life. I want to see other parts of the Country, if not the world! And maybe I'll end up back in Boston some day, but for now I need an adventure. I need to take a step back from the East Coast for a bit.

I know I'm going to miss my family and friends but I imagine skyping with them is going to be far less torturous then doing so with Q. With the exception of my mother.... I'm going to miss her the most! :( I've always been a mama's girl and sometimes I just feel like my mother doesn't get all the love she deserves. I haven't even found the words to tell her that I'm going yet.... (though Lauren may take care of that for me after reading this :-/) I'm going to miss her hugs the most.... not even Q's hugs are comparable to my mothers.

She's flying back on the 8th of August to get me. :) Who does that? Really? We're leaving on the 9th for a three day car ride to Utah. Once we get there, she promised me a pet duck and a fresh vegetable and herb garden. I was just joking when I asked her for them.... just giving her shit when she was trying to first convince me to move to Utah. I really think she intends to get them for me. :) She's already found someplace that we can pick out ducklings, and the other night she told me she was chasing around ducks at 11 at night because they appeared in the middle of the road and she claimed they were a sign. That's absolutely crazy! And amazingly adorable all at once!!!!!!! I can't handle it! I just don't understand. She is so ridiculously good to me. :)

When we argue, it's only ever over who's buying dinner or drinks, or because I like to tell her how pretty she is all the time. She's so stubborn sometimes.... just like me. :) I smile so much more and so much brighter when she's around. She compliments me constantly and talks about our future together and it just makes me wriggle with delight. I've never imagined a future with anyone and the idea of commitment had always been rather strange to me but for some reason I can't quite express, it just seems so natural with her.

I can't understand for the life of me what she sees in me. It's the best and scariest part about it all, but I'm glad she sees something. I don't think she's ever really had anyone take care of her before though... I hate that, and I intend to correct it. :)

I may be a fool, but I'm a happy one.




2 1/2 more months :)

Wow, I never expected this to suck so very terribly. She left Tuesday morning and I just haven't been able to get her out of my head, not that I had ever stopped thinking of her before, but now I do it in such a longing manner that I can barely keep from crying. I just can't imagine not waking up next to her for the next 4 months.

I should have never started writing in this again. I've only written four or so entries so far and I believe more than half have been angsty. I'll talk about something a bit more pleasant then, aye?

J.J.'s back in town, and from what I can tell from our short conversation yesterday morning, he's very near to good health. I can't wait to see him; I can hardly believe that I'm having the chance to see him again. If you had asked me three weeks ago, I would have thought we had already met for the last time. But he's healthy, and happy and back in Boston. :)

On another exciting note, my boss is giving me a shot at one of the deserts going on the new menu. I have three days off and intend on making several variations of apple crumble pie to find the best recipe and present to her when I get back on Friday...... If she decides to use it.... IM ASKING FOR A RAISE BITCHES, because I've basically become their pastry chef since the old one doesn't have time for us anymore. (Which really isn't saying much as the only pastry we really do in house momentarily is cheesecake; the brownies are out of a box but everyone somehow manages to fuck those up too O_o I work with morons)

Thats it for now... I'm still thinking of my girly.... and right now I'm thinking that ours will be a good story to tell ;)

So, the whole reason I had started working at the Museum of Fine Arts in the first place, was because I wanted to learn the trade. I do love cooking and Chili's with all their microwavable glory, just wasn't cutting it for me. I got the in from a co-worker and somehow, miraculously, started my new fancy pants job at the MFA were I was suddenly wearing a chef coat and answering to a REAL chef.... not just a kitchen manager (who was the only one of the managers who didn't know the menu, by the way). Now, had my head chef (Geoff) not been so lazy, this would have been a great experience for me. But I think he underestimated my capability and willingness to work for the right person. Instead of learning techniques and working with new foods, I was constantly stuck doing bitch prep work (chopping vegetables and various other projects that now one else wanted to do... such as cornets, the bane of existence).

About the time that I was ready to call it quits and move on from my dream of cooking, I started talking to this guy at work. His name was Jesus (JJ for short) and he saw all the things that I saw in myself. A good work ethic, a love for food, and most importantly, a willingness to learn. Since Geoff had already made up his mind about me, JJ took it upon himself to show me the ropes of the kitchen. I will always be eternally grateful to him for renewing my faith in myself and for taking the time to actually teach me. Over a few months, we got very close and he even offered me a job at a new restaurant he was opening up.

Unfortunately, it was also around this time that he was diagnosed with cancer. About 15 years ago, he had to have surgery on his nose after a bad motorcycle accident. At the time however he was in Mexico and unaware that the metal they but in his face to reconstruct his nose was in fact lead. Over time, the poisonous metal spread throughout his blood stream causing the cancer that he has today. The doctors told him 6 months at the most.

The only person I've ever really known to have cancer is my mother, and that was only pre-cancerous tumors. I was really young and didn't really understand what was going on. The week of her surgery, I got sent up the street to stay with my mothers best friend Serena and her son, my friend William (R.I.P.). I came back a week later and she sort of explained what had happened, but again, I was pretty little so I didn't particularly understand the seriously of the situation.

When he found out about it, I was the first one he told. I didn't even know what to say, I was in such shock. I could never imagine what it would be like to be told you have a terminal disease such as cancer and not only that, but even with the treatments they can offer you, your best bet to life was only another six months. But JJ seemed so calm about it. Yeah he was scared; who wouldn't be? He had such a strong will to keep living... for his daughter, for his parents, for the rest of his family and for himself. It seemed so easy for him to share his experiences with me over those few weeks, that even though it was hard to listen to, I couldn't help but listen intently to every word he said.

But as hard as it was to listen, it was even harder to see him lose that over time. It was apparent as the treatments took their toll that his spirit weakened and he no longer had a will to live. After his first surgery, I didn't hear from him much anymore. I got a text or two from him basically just to say he was still alive and then stopped communication with me all together, despite my own efforts to contact him. I heard from a few people at work that he had headed back to Mexico to see family and get some opinions from some doctors down there, and that was about a month and a half ago. At this point he was down to about 3 months. I had to accept the fact that I probably wasn't going to hear from him again, which honestly killed me. I'd rather know he had passed then be left in a torturous suspense for the next year, hoping the news would reach me through the grapevine. 


Okay, BREAK:

In the mean time, I met someone AMAZING. She reads me better than anyone I've ever met and makes me laugh until my rib cage hurts. To top it all off shes an amazing cook. Before we started dating, she told me she was moving back to Utah on the 9th of May. Call me an idiot, but I fell for her anyways. She hinted towards me following her back to Utah but it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I started to take her seriously and actually consider going with her. Really, whats the worst that could happen? I'd have to save up 200 dollars for a plane ticket back and end up back here in the loft at Quinn's apartment (that REALLY IS the worst thing that could happen). So I was all gun-ho ready to go for it. I'd hold off a month or two to make sure she still really wanted me to come over, and vise-versa; save up enough money to pay off my car insurance for six months; then pack all my shit up in my car and drive out there. She was even gonna take a plane back here so she could drive out with me.

Three days ago, I got an email from JJ. HE'S DOING REALLY WELL! I guess he was seeing a doctor in Mexico and the treatments were going really well! THE CANCER IS ALMOST GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which means he'll probably be coming back to the states soon. Which means he'll probably be starting up his restaurant again. Which means I have one hell of a choice to make on my hands.

We were talking about it for so long before hand, I just want it so bad, and it would be a great push in the right direction for my career, but at the same time... everything I want is in UTAH!

Fuck me... end of story. 

I've really wanted to start posting in this again, but I feel like every time I sit down and try to, I just can't manage to bring all my thoughts together into one entry. So I'm starting off easy. Let me sum up the last two years of my life for you in one paragraph and we'll go from there.

I started cooking at the Museum of Fine Arts and just recently quit because my banquet chef was a douche. Before I quit though I was pulling 80 hours a week between two jobs and that was clearly not good for my health so it is probably all for the best that I'm down to one now, even if I will miss the MFA. Currently I work at Jerry Remy's Sports Bar and grill. It's very hectic and unorganized and no one really truly cares about cooking which makes me said. But I'm trying to give it the benefit of the doubt because we just opened up and I really like my head chef and I have faith she can pull things together in time. ALSO, I moved to Boston, because commuting sucks major balls! Yeah! Quinn Miller and I are sharing a room which is sort of grody but he's my bud so its okay for now and it's actually pretty sweet because my bed is six feet in the air and I feel like a kid every time I climb up to it. Except for the few nights I've come back particularly drunk and the climb doesn't always go so well. And guess what, I have a lady friend now, that sort of lady friend. Which I really didn't see coming but apparently my mothers been calling for years. She's super amazing and a great cook. We work on the line together which is pretty SCANDALOUS because she just got promoted to Sous Chef which makes her my boss.... what?!

That's it. Don't judge my grammar. Hopefully I'll stick too this and actually come back and write more

<3 Your long lost friend,
- Serena

P.S. Utah may be in my future......

I got bit by something at some point last night and it got all red and puffy. My mom said it was a spider because when I was 2 one bit me on the face and I my eyes swelled shut. I don't remember that but I bet it was hard not to look at me and laugh. I took some benedryl and its looking better now.

Some one gave me money that was covered in resin and reeked of bong water at Marylou's today.

Why would someone just get up and leave everything behind without warning. I can't stop thinking about it. I want to whip out my tobacco pipe and go all out sherlock on this one.