buffyfreak31

Title: You Only Have To Want To

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Emily/Jordan , Emily/JJ past

Rating: PGish

Summary: A song sparks jealousy, a trip down and some serious conversation.

A/N: This is in response to the request made by Chrissy a while back. Hope you enjoy it.

Big thanks to Berkybee for beta’ing.

All feedback, positive and other wise, will be greatly appreciated.

Disclaimer: Show’s not mine. Song is ‘I Told You So’ by Carrie Underwood

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you have to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

Emily wasn’t the type to cheat. Anyone who spent even the smallest amount of time around her would attest to that. There wasn’t an unfaithful bone in her body. Emily also didn’t pirate music. Her position has always been if she can afford it why not lend the artist a hand. So when Jordan came into the bedroom fresh from the shower and heard the non-familiar song playing from her lover's laptop, those two fascinating facts jumped into her head, along with the thought that she had a very good idea who the song was from and why that person sent it to Emily. Before she allowed herself to do anything else, Jordan took the socially acceptable 5 seconds for crazed jealousy and then forced herself to push the fact that her girlfriend wouldn't cheat to the front of her mind. She forced herself to remember a night where too much wine had been consumed and the older women had confessed past indiscretions. Emily had also let it slip how horrible she had been at all the things that a person needed to be good at in order to cheat properly. She was a horrible liar, never remembered her cover story, had been known to mix up or forget names and, one time, she gave one of them a key. No matter how hard she tried, Jordan still couldn’t get that story out of her lover. So, even though Emily didn’t have a problem with people who did cheat, she realized it wasn’t her cup of tea.

As Jordan’s thoughts came full circle, Emily had just finished gathering her toiletries and was about to move past her in the doorway but decided to stop for a quick kiss before continuing on to start her nightly ritual. This was one time that the younger woman wouldn’t complain about how long Emily took in the shower. Alone time was just what Jordan needed to settle her mind and think of the most effective way to bring up her concerns.

Emily could be difficult when it came to these types of conversations. They have been dating for about six months but they had just recently started to become more serious about their relationship. That being said, Jordan was still trying to figure the older woman out. She was still trying to figure them out. Emily was very private and she could be annoyingly broody when the mood struck her. But she could also be amazingly expressive and kind and loving and when you had her full attention, it felt like having the full force of the sun shining down just on you. She could write a book on Emily’s moods, mannerisms, sleep patterns and a variety of other completely useless to anyone who’s not in love with Emily facts but in situations like this, she stumbled.

Jordan spoke her mind, a lot of times without thinking it through. She gets a feeling and runs with it without question or apology but with Emily, she can’t be that way without driving herself crazy in the process. Emotional outburst and snide remarks get you nowhere with Emily but more pissed off.

The profiler can’t stand yelling and tension makes her jumpy. That’s not to say that she won’t argue. Emily loves to argue but only on her own terms. The second things get too heated the woman will just up and leave. After she feels like she’s given Jordan enough time to calm down she returns annoyingly composed and forces Jordan into a grown up conversation. Jordan hates being forced to have grown up conversations.

“It felt like this day just would not end.” Emily said, with a sigh, slightly startling her partner who was already in bed ready to call it a night. Emily busied herself for a few minutes, putting away the last of her work before joining Jordan in bed. “I’m so glad we decided to stay in tonight.”

“So am I.” Jordan replied, waiting a beat before continuing, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “That song you had on earlier when I came in was different from your usual playlist. I didn’t know you were into country.”

“I’m not.” She said, as she snuggled up closer with her lady. “JJ sent it to me.”

“Why?” Jordan asked, feeling Emily tense up for a second. The darker woman wanted to slap herself for, yet again, not being able to censor herself. Any attempt at nonchalance went out the window with that one word. Now all she could do was wait and see if Emily was going to call her on it.

“Well, believe it or not she’s an American Idol freak of nature. When we use to hang out she would force me to watch it with her. JJ’s a true romantic at heart. She loves the driving premise behind the show. That 'if you have the talent and the ‘want to’ you can make your dreams come true' thing.”

The feeling of dread that was normally associated with JJ’s name suddenly multiplied. Jordan’s not a profiler but she’s been known to be pretty good at reading between the lines. That song and Emily’s, seemingly very pleasant, trip down memory lane was very telling at the moment. Jordan let the information settle for a few seconds before jumping into the deep end. “So…her sending you that song…is that about her finally having the ‘want to’?”

“No.” Emily replied slowly, not wanting to say something to put her lover in a bad mood. Talking about JJ was always weird, its also how most of their arguments start. But she knew from past experience that trying to side step the subject would just make it worse. “She’s been on this Carrie Underwood kick recently and wanted me to hear a song. It’s nothing like what you’re thinking.”

“You sure?” Jordan was a lot of things. She could be volatile, strong willed, opinionated, even petty but she was never one to be jealous without reason. In the last month, since she and Emily had become more serious, hearing anything about the liaisons had made her into a living breathing Green-Eyed Monster. She hated this new side of her personality  She hated it even more that Emily knew this new side of her personality.

“I’m sure. I think I would know if she was still interested.”

Jordan couldn’t help but smirk at that comment. It was common knowledge that Emily was always the last to know when someone was interested in her. It had taken about a month of ‘hanging out’ before Emily got a clue that Jordan was interested. That in and of itself was a great story that Garcia still teased Emily about whenever they all had the time to spend together. “So, if she was standing outside your window with a radio held up over her head playing that song you wouldn’t budge?”

Emily raised herself up an elbow and smiled down at her girlfriend, happy that she was letting her off the hook from what was close to becoming a very serious conversation. “Firstly, you’re a dork. Nextly…”

“Nextly? That’s not even a word. Is that what Yale was teaching back in your day? And the last I heard you…”

“Nextly…” Emily cut her off, not wanting to hear the abundance of examples designed to prove her dorkiness, and pushed the cracks about her age to the side for the time being. “…penthouse. Outside my window is about 30 plus stories down and lastly…no, I wouldn’t budge.”

The two women took a moment and just stared into each other's eyes, both looking for the same thing but for different reasons.

“When you look at me the way you are now, saying all the right things, I almost believe you.”

“You should, because I mean it.” The older woman replied as she leaned in for a kiss stopping just short of her goal when she felt a hand on her chest lightly applying pressure.

“You only have to want to mean it, to mean it.”

Emily frowned at that comment. She didn’t like what it implied. One of the many reasons that Emily loved Jordan was that she spoke from the heart. The profiler could always tell what her lover was feeling by listening to her voice but her words took a lot of the guess work out of their relationship. Jordan was never shy about letting the world know how she felt and right now, she was doubting them and their love. Emily wished she knew what to do to get that look out of the younger woman’s eyes.

“Jordan…”

“It’s late. Let’s go to bed.” Deciding that she really didn’t want to have this conversation Jordan pulled Emily’s head down to her shoulder and pulled the blanket over them both. When she felt that Emily was about to protest, she held her tighter and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “I love you, you love me. I know that at the moment you are exactly where you want to be and that’s enough for now. The rest can wait.”

( To the fanfic...Collapse )