It wasn’t anything I noticed much in my 20s or 30s, and hit in my 40s when decades of playing sports suddenly caught up with me — with two meniscus tears in both knees. No more squash — I miss it a lot!
It’s a cliche, but the older you get the more your body is determined to humble you and challenge your assumptions — fat where there never was any, hair same (or loss of same), eyesight, hearing, mobility, strength, flexibility. Everything I read insists I must lift heavy weight 3-5 times a week while also walking 10,000 steps (5 miles!?) every single day.
I admit it, I don’t.
I can do maybe 1.5 miles on the treadmill right now, and that’s it. Not very impressive. Yes, better than no miles.
I do housework a few times a week at a pace that is intense — usually 20-30 minutes — and I’m going to claim this as exercise, dammit!
I’ve reached a point, and it better be temporary! — I just loathe and resent this very real need to exercise a lot. I do love spin class twice a week. Easy! Fun! Love the music, I do 7-8.5 miles in 45 minutes while a friend about a decade older (!) does 14 — one of our teachers is (!!) 88 and amazing.
I know this is tied to my relentless loneliness; a group class just disperses, so that’s not truly social. Walking alone, even while a very healthy choice, is more alone time, even with something in my ears.
I think this is also probably a normal overreaction to our medical nightmares of 2024-2026 — my hip pain, surgery, Jose’s cancer and treatments. Have truly had it with MDs and advice and instructions even while grateful for their skills. Endless focus on pain, treatment, pre and post-op rehab.
My ferocious grande dame, Granny, mother and me. I still miss her!
What do I like about getting older?
We are financially OK, able to travel and enjoy life more than ever before. Finally splurging on a gorgeous custom-made roman blind for our living room window.
We know who our true friends are. They show up. They stay in touch. They care, through thick and thin.
Love our younger friends, and our pride in their successes and joys.
Knowing when to panic and when to just…not. It changes nothing.
Still being in demand for our professional skills and knowledge at a point when too many are dismissed and ignored.
Being able, when asked, to offer advice based on decades of experience and wisdom. What potholes to avoid.
Lunch at one of Zurich’s legendary restaurants, November 2024. What a treat!
Many of you are graduating into mayhem: the threat of AI, a very tough job market, demands of 5 years’ experience for entry level work.
Wishing you the best, some ideas:
Find inter-generational work, ideally volunteer. Any place where you show up consistently and demonstrate your values of commitment, generosity and attention to detail will allow others to notice. Once you have developed relationships with people who’ve had some time to get to know you personally, you can ask some of them for skill or character references or if they know of any paid part-time or full-time opportunities. This isn’t automatic nor to be expected. Trust and respect are earned.
Make an inventory of your every skill: languages, technology, manual labor, carpentry, cooking, pet care. Ask friends and family what they think you’re best at and start looking for places to use those skills while you seek something steady.
Read every day: newspapers, magazines, books, websites — not just TikToks, Insta and YouTube. Keeping your mind sharp means you can have lively, informed conversations with people you encounter, any of whom might have work for you, but who want to find and possibly hire smart, curious, engaged staff. A great first face to face impression beats flinging your resume into the ether 1000s of times.
Take one day a week for sheer pleasure — whether reading, listening to music, hiking, exploring locally, seeing a gallery or museum or film.
Eat carefully. It’s easy to consume junk food when you feel stressed and depressed. (Same for alcohol and drugs.)
Check in with your friends often — at least once a week. If someone’s scored a great job, it’s easy to be envious. Ask how they did it.
Informational interviews! A valuable and much overlooked way to learn about an industry or field you think is appealing. You do your research carefully and see who is local (ideally, done face to face in person) and who’s doing the sort of work you think might be a good fit for you. A polite and respectful email, or even snail mail, asking for 20 minutes of their time to explore the field — do NOT ask them for a job! If they agree, you show up with a notebook and pay very close attention and take lots of notes and ask informed questions like: what do you like most about this work? Least? What are the top five skills that make you succeed in it? How much do you see this industry changing and how are you adapting? Then, the next day, you send them a sincere thank-you note or email. In the time you spend with some of these people, they may decide you’re a potential intern or assistant or know someone who is hiring — and they are deciding what they think of you. Dress well! (no flip-flops, shorts, cleavage, miniskirts, ball caps, etc.)
Don’t make yourself miserable obsessing on social media — and don’t whine or complain publicly in places potential employers can see this. Same for stupid photos. Your social media tells a story about you. Make it an appealing one.
If you get any sort of paid work, even if you don’t like it much, do it to the best of your ability. Resentment doesn’t add a dime to your paycheck. Be polite and friendly to everyone in the place, from security guards to support staff. People notice and it’s the right thing to do.
Take good care of your mental health. It’s deeply frustrating and demoralizing to have worked hard for four years (or more) in college or university and feel shut out of the game. Your parents and older friends and relatives have very likely also faced periods of unemployment or underemployment. Let them know how you’re feeling and find solidarity where you can.
BONUS:
Don’t laugh — have a handsome, well-designed business card to hand out to anyone who’s willing to take it and ask them, then, for their contact information. People are busy. People forget who you are when they met you. The card can simply have your name, email and phone number but it’s a good-looking, tangible reminder of who you are. Moo has terrific cards (I’ve used them for years and always get compliments.)
Standing outside a Paris museum to see a show of Stephen Jones’ hats….I love everything about the woman all in navy.
By Caitlin Kelly
It’s a burden owning too many things — far too easy to do while accumulating over time, creating closets/storage lockers/garage (GUILTY) you dread clearing out.
I’ve also been trying to help a good friend who’s frustrated and overwhelmed by her wardrobe, or lack of same.
I follow an Insta account that stops stylish women on the street with the friendly/admiring command: “What’s your name and where are you from?Talk me through the fit today!” and the woman chosen obediently and happily details the source of everything on her, from watch and sunglasses to shoes and bag. Often (sigh) it includes Hermes, Chanel, Balenciaga…but also lots of Zara, H & M and other affordable options. I enjoy it and find it inspiring. It’s the_gloss.
Too many fashion “advice” videos offer tedious banality to women over 50, or feature very thin women wearing impossibly expensive outfits. I do like the “rule of three” — that every outfit includes 3 colors (one or several can be added by accessories.) Simple is fast and easy!
I sent my frustrated American friend to some new-to-her European retailers, like this one, Rivera, in Spain, whose clothes I like a lot: simple cuts, elegant, soft colors. Love this suede bag for summer. I find so much affordable American “fashion” really just “clothes”, watered down into boring generic styles and the same five colors. Having said that, I admit to recently buying a navy blue polo and matching knee length shorts from Land’s End on sale — good prices and quality.
I always focus on neutrals, natural fabrics and wearing/keeping quality for many years — adding interesting scarves, bags, footwear and jewelry (some of it vintage) to zhuzh it up.
My new summer additions include 3 pairs of sandals (one I keep getting compliments on); a navy stripe linen shirt from Aritzia, two woven T’s from Banana Republic and two bathing suits from Johnny Was (birthday gift from Jose.)
Some of my favorite sites for clothes/accessories, some of whom also sell men’s clothing:
Banana Republic
Classic, linen and cotton. Good quality. Interesting jewelry.
Sezane
The cool-girl look from Paris. If you like something, jump! They sell out quickly. I love their T-shirts that you can personalize with an embroidered word or phrase of up to 10 letters — I have j’espere, (I hope) ras-le-bol (fed up!) and gave Jose bien aime (well-loved.) Of course it doesn’r have to be in French! Sweaters, shoes, dresses, bags. jewelry, you name it, even housewares and fragrance. I have their napkins.) Counting the days til we revisit Paris in December to visit their outlet store.
Boden
A British brand, a mixed bag, but lots of bright colors and decent quality. Their prices are much higher than a few years ago but they have plenty of sales. I like their swimsuits and accessories.
J. Crew
Classic, decent quality.
Poetry
Love this British brand; gorgeous and unusual colors.
The Wrap
Same.
Land’s End
Good for basics and (cough) bigger bodies.
Aerie/American Eagle
Why is a woman over 50 buying clothes aimed at 20 year olds? So many are fun, affordable quality casual wear.
Free People
Too often wayyyyy overpriced, but sometimes you find a treasure; I have three of this waffle sweatshirt and wear them a lot, $68. They’re not as sloppy as they look and I always add a cool scarf.
Anthropologie
Also spendy, but fun for homewares as well as clothing. I like their Pilcro brand and have a multi-colored (neutrals!) winter sweater/jacket at least five years old that wins me compliments every single time I wear it.
Aritzia
Canadian, online and with stores everywhere. When the quality is good, it’s very good.
COS
Unusual shapes and colors.
Zara Woman
Not the usual fast fashion.
Quince and Uniqlo
Have yet to buy their clothes, but super affordable and popular.
Loved this vintage dress found in Paris! Simply admired it.
This was in a fantastic show of Dior garments at the Brooklyn Museum
Our apartment is basically a constant and unrelenting pile of unread magazines, newspapers and books — stacked on multiple chairs. HELP!
We get Elle, Bazaar, Vogue, AD, New York, The Atlantic, World of Interiors, several golf magazines, FRAMES (photography; I just wrote a profile for their latest digital issue), Archeology, the NYT daily and the FT Weekend. Sometimes I’ll buy Esquire or GQ or Bloomberg Businessweek or The Economist and design magazines like UK Homes and Gardens or Cabana.
I read the NYT and have four favorite writers: Sarah Lyall, Alexandra Jacobs (one writes features and both review books), Peter Goodman (business) and Norimitsu Onishi, who covers Canada, mostly Quebec and the Arctic. Their writing is always interesting, surprising, funny, witty. David is a friend: Jose was his wedding photographer.
Plus radio (NPR, BBC, CBC, TSF Jazz, WKCR, WFUV) and TV and digital and social media, for news and music.
I admit I don’t listen to any podcasts as I already feel overwhelmed.
At the Musee D’Orsay, Paris
Recent events I’ve enjoyed include two operas, La Boheme and Madame Butterfly, both for the first time, and an astounding show by Florence and the Machine at Madison Square Garden. Jose and I saw The Devil Wears Prada 2 and enjoyed it and we went twice to see Project Hail Mary, plus my trip into Manhattan to see it in IMAX with a friend. It is amazing. I would happily see it many more times, as fans have seen it up to 15 times: stunning visuals, great soundtrack, terrific performers, both heartbreaking and lovely. We saw The Sheep Detectives, which we also enjoyed,
I also saw Sleeping Beauty (ballet) and have tickets for Swan Lake and Eugene Onegin.
I watch a lot of streamed TV (Hacks, The Pitt, Rooster, Dept. Q) and movies of all eras — just rewatched one of my all-time favorites, The English Patient, and basically know all of Almost Famous and The Devil Wears Prada by heart. We are lucky to have a nearby indie theater with five screens and I’m sometimes there two or three times a week: hoping to see The Christophers there soon. I have an unholy addiction to Law and Order: SVU…it’s my go-to watch when I can’t find anything else. Fun fact — of the black and white photo montage for the opening, two are old news photos taken by a friend of ours.
I admit — my real weakness is making time for books! Ironic for a writer, I know. I did recently read There Is No Place for Us, by Brian Goldstone, a profile of five Atlanta families struggling with chronic homelessness. It just won the Pulitzer prize for non-fiction (I got to read it because Jose photographs all the nominated books!) I also read Third Girl From the Left, a powerful AIDS memoir. I tend to read almost wholly non-fiction, although I enjoyed The Dutch House a lot.
Amazing work at Bern’s art museum
I need to get to the Mozart show at the Morgan in the next three weeks. Just bought a Sept. 13 ticket for comedian Laura Ramoso, who I discovered through her videos. I missed a recent show at the Met but need to see the Raphael exhibit. I keep sending myself emails to remind me what not to forget!
Not complaining — the reason I wanted to live near New York was exactly this sort of cultural stew. When we are in London and Paris in December, I have a long list of museums I still want to see, sometimes for the first time, sometimes an overdue re-visit, especially the Marmottan and L’Orangerie in Paris and the new V & A East.
Social media is so weird! I don’t have, nor will I pay for, a blue checkmark on X/Twitter, so most of what I post there, myself, is usually frustatingly ignored or barely seen by a dozen people of the 9,000+ who follow me — since the place only promotes people who pay for that.
My replies do get traction, but this one went crazy, attracting unprecedented likes, bookmarks , re-tweets and more than 100 new followers, almost all of them fellow journalists, including some legends:
“The best reporters do this”, I replied to a post that said it’s often the “dumb” questions that elicit the most interesting answers.
OK, not in press conferences which we loathe as constrained and performative and competitive. Not the WH Press Corps, whose collective cowardice is now a source of shame for many.
But when we speak to someone about a complex topic — as I have from the very start of my career — asking simple questions (not stupid ones!) allows the interviewee to expound at length. It gives us room to ask for follow-ups and clarifications.
Misunderstandings can be embarrassing or lethal — I once interviewed a car designer who kept referring to the IP, which I assumed was intellectual property (although not in that context?!). She was referring to the instrument panel.
I love interviewing so much, and have gotten to meet everyone from Olympic athletes to musicians to a female Admiral to world-class scientists. It can also be very intimidating! I never even studied physics or chemistry in high school so a casual reference, mid-interview, to the periodic table by a Yale researcher left me clueless and too embarrassed to say anything. Generally, I’m fine because I don’t attach my ego to asking “smart” questions but trying to elicit great answers and to produce a story that’s compelling to the audience.
I always remember that whatever I’m hearing for the first time — my editors and readers might be as well!
I wrote for a while for the Lustgarten Foundation, which focuses on pancreatic cancer; their comms person found me on Twitter. I had never written about it, nor about cancer, and it’s a complicated topic. But my job was to make complexity compelling to patients and their families, which meant I spoke to top researchers about the details of their work. It was inspiring to learn how many are focused on it and all the ways in which they’re tackling it. But it was also humbling because I came to it without a scientific background. They were all unfailingly polite and helpful and the Foundation liked what I produced; a few of them are on my website.
So often a journalist’s job is to tackle a complex issue, discern the most important and salient elements for their audience, then produce a compelling report. Not easy!
And we live in an era of “influencers” and TikTok stars and people with no journalism training or experience or any idea of standards and ethics. We live in a time when journalists are derided and insulted by Trump and Leavitt and Hegseth — as if this is somehow normal behavior when, in fact, it never has been before in the U.S. — at least not recently.
It has all conspired to portray serious journalists, the ones who don’t lob softballs, as the “fake media” when we do our jobs — challenging their power and authority and asking questions we know damn well they don’t want to answer.
This week, the President — again — insulted a black woman reporter, Rachel Scott, and called her a bitch. Unprecedented for any President and unacceptable.
We do break social norms when we challenge authority — because we represent the voters whose hard earned mulitply taxed wages the government spends — while giving massive tax breaks to lobbyists, special interest groups and billionaires.
I mentor younger women journalists and most of what we work on is building their confidence — dealing with toxic bosses and competitive colleagues and rude sources and a tough industry and an audience who often dismisses what we do.
I love journalism and have never regretted choosing it as my life’s work.
This vehicle is at London’s Imperial War Museum, an essential reminder that journalism can be very dangerous; hundreds have been killed in conflict zones, especially Palestinian journalists in Gaza.
Soon we’ll hit the annual holidays of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, always problematic if your relationships with them were difficult.
I’ve written here many times about my late mother — who died Feb. 15, 2020 in a Victoria, B.C. nursing home. My father is now 96, with some dementia, in an Ontario nursing home.
They were both such complicated people — attractive, stylish, smart, curious, talented, world travelers — but also spoiled, undisciplined, in many ways unsuited to parenthood and its decades of sacrifice. My father has four adult children, two from affairs, two from his wives. It’s very messy.
We lived in Vancouver, where I was born, for a few years, then London, then Toronto where they split up when I was seven or eight and sent to boarding school, a decision I never dared question but wondered why. I lived with my mother in Grade 6 and 7 and some of Grade 10. That was it, as her bipolar illness was too scary for me alone with her in Mexico. I moved in with my father and his girlfriend at 14.5 until I was 19 when he sold the house and moved to Europe.
I know I’m a mix of both, as many of us are:
From Cynthia:
a deep love of fashion, beauty and style
a love of solo travel, even as a young woman
intellectual curiosity (she was Mensa smart)
loving and living with good antiques
awareness of social inequity and trying to do what we can
a commitment to fun — she threw lovely birthday parties for me at ages 10 and 12 especially
willingness to play with me, beating me mercilessly at jacks with her very long fingernails!
crazy ideas — like having a large wooden playhouse built on the balcony of a rental apartment
awareness of her social/liberal values
having an American parent — she was distraught the day Bobby Kennedy was killed (my birthday)
being frugal as hell to save for travel and other needs
a love of textiles — she collected them in her travels, from Indian mirror hangings to Peruvian mantas
Stoicism in the face of multiple cancers
From Ron:
— tremendous curiosity about the world
knowing you could earn a living telling stories about it all
a love of adventure
putting apples in salad!
a love of sports: squash, skiing, sailing
a love of style and elegance
wide ranging interests
Living with art: Inuit prints and sculptures, a Japanese wooden mask, Japanese 18th and 19th c prints, a Picasso litho from the 50s now hanging by our bed
loving and living with good antiques
being highly competitive and not at all apologetic about it (not cool for a girl in the 70s!)
One of my favorite photos — in the backyard of our Toronto home before they split up.
We were very rarely a family that offered explicit advice or guidance, which was challenging for sure.
I learned to cook at 19 when I started living alone. I had to figure out how to budget very carefully as I put myself through university with only $350/month in help from a grandmother, none from my father. I had no idea how to dress fashionably, having left my mother’s care and having a very chic stepmother with no interest in teaching me. So a lot of my skills are self-taught or learned from wiser friends. I was never taught to drive at 16, like all my high school friends — so I finally learned at 30 when I was planning a move to small town New Hampshire.
Neither of my parents graduated university; my mother married him at 17 and my father only finally finished his studies decades later. So I wasn’t especially prepared for university, just that it was a lot of hard work!
We did not discuss feelings, ever. Not a welcome subject.
The hardest part of being their daughter was too often feeling like an inconvenient afterthought. It has forced me to focus on friendships and most people, from happier families, have much less need of that.
Luckily, Jose had a very happy childhood with a deeply loving and devoted mother, and a loving if more stern father, a Baptist minister.
I know both my parents arrived with emotional issues from theirs — a lot of money but not much emotional comfort or stability; my mother had four step-fathers My father’s mother was cold and distant.
Luckily for both of us Jose had a deeply loving mother — I wish I’d met her but she had him at 49 (!) and died long before he and I met. Same with his father.
I see flowers! Huge bright bushes of forsythia and Central Park abloom in clouds of pink — after so many dreary months of no color.
I hear birds! So many! Jose uses the Merlin app so we have a great time identifying many of them.
The days are finally longer and brighter!
And so….it’s time again for the zhuzh! (A word that means to spruce up or make prettier).
The boring (but useful) stuff:
CLEAN all of it!
Weird, easily overlooked things like every dusty light-bulb and lampshade.
Rugs. I used to wash my kilims in the bathtub but now send them out to a professional rug cleaner. Not cheap but worth doing once a year or the tried and true pro cleaners who come to your home. I now have a lovely little Smythson notebook to keep track of when we have these done.
Same for every bit of upholstery — a steam-cleaning service can do wonders. Turn all sofa cushions and vacuum underneath all the time.
I take a fabric lint-roller and use it on the arms and backs of our two sofas and our fabric headboard.
How about the top of every cabinet, anything framed, bookshelf?
Ugggggh, bookshelves! So much dust but must-do. Also time to donate or toss the ones you’ve read or know you never will.
Then…wash/dry clean all of it!
Duvets and covers.
Blankets.
Make-up bags and dopp kits, backpacks and cloth bags…anything you use often and take for granted
Get those kitchen knives professionally sharpened! Our local hardware recently added an amazing machine that does it at $7 per knife. So much better!
Polish! (Ok this is my personal obsession, as I keep silver and brass polish and use it a lot on our silver-plate cutlery and tray)
Replace — anything broken, torn, stained, bent. Repair when possible. It’s just depressing to see things in poor condition day after day.
Paint touch-ups are also worth considering — all those dings and scuffs.
The fun stuff:
Maybe time for some fresh new linens?
Pillow protectors and new pillowcases
A few new towels?
Fresh tea towels for the kitchen.
Fresh bakeware — it can get so stained over time.
(Donate any used towels, blankets, etc. to your local dog shelter. I have. Keep those doggies comfortable!)
Some new throw pillows, for indoors or out.
We recently had 3 of my floral photos professionally printed at a lab in our town for $82 total, then bought matts ($50 each) and put them into the existing wooden16 x 20 frames that had been a muddy green with larger black and white photos. Our sitting room is this color and, yes it’s strong, but we love it.
Now they’re a crisp granny apple green and fabulous against that deep raspberry wall. Much better!
A picnic basket and blanket for warm days.
A new paint color for one of your rooms (or your only room). A color you absolutely love being surrounded by is a guaranteed cheer-up on even the gloomiest days.
A pretty new throw rug; one of favorite sources is Dash and Albert (named for her two dogs, of course.) We recently replaced some on-sale ones we’d had forever for a simple fresh light cream sisal.
Some flowering plants.
A pretty new set of napkins and/or tablecloth.
Don’t forget Facebook marketplace, thrift stores and consignment shops! We got the prettiest hand painted Italian ceramic tea set in perfect shape (3 pieces) for $45.
On the personal zhuzh front:
Switched to new hair stylist (have only been through six in recent years!)
Using a hyaluronic face mask twice a week — feels soooo good! Love the one from Sephora and not the Burt’s Bees.
Using this fantastic German day cream. It’s $46 for one ounce — but it’s been more than a month already of daily use and I still have plenty left. Two pea sized amounts cover my face and feels amazing! Have tried so many different moisturizers, and most are too gummy or heavy for me. It has no SPF, but otherwise perfect. Smells good too.
It’s now just over two months since Jose had his surgery — removing a three-inch/7 cm cancer and the upper left lobe of his lung, somehow (!) pulled out between his ribs. He had never been ill, never had surgery, never spent months healing. It’s been a hell of a shock in every way.
He has 5 small incisions and is now totally cancer free.
We should be euphoric! Of course, we are very relieved.
But all the scans revealed something we knew nothing about — underlying scarring and a disease called IPF, which really means they have no idea what caused it. Awesome!
Now he takes a $700/month pill to help mitigate its effects. He coughs much less. But it remains a shadow over our futures.
He’s joined a highly supportive online group and is talking regularly with a therapist, both of which (selfishly) also alleviate some of the emotional weight I’ve been carrying since last July. Of course I am here for him, but this is a major step forward into an unknown and unforeseen future.
He’s still working, as he enjoys, as a Sunday freelance photo editor for the NYT, recently photographed the annual judging of the Pulitzers at Columbia in NYC and his golf business is thriving!
With a new TV series out now about the late Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and her late husband John F. Kennedy, there’s a renewed attention to her elegant wardrobe, in neutrals, simple cuts and styles.
In a time when people share “haul” videos — gleefully showing off all the stuff they just bought, whether designer names or thrifted — it feels counter-cultural to buy less, or nothing. To pare down, edit, clear out all those closets and storage lockers.
Guilty!
This week I finally went through our pantry, which is housed (of course) in the living room in a vintage armoire. It was deeply embarrassing to find cans from even as far back as 2018. While it’s comforting to know we have plenty of supplies, this isn’t the frontier! Much tossing ensued.
We still have to go through everything in a storage locker, a task so tedious we keep putting it off and off…Two adults with a weird assortment of lives lived, including a Kevlar vest Jose wore while working for the New York Times in Bosnia. Hard to let go of that one! Also, not easily donated!
So the question arises: when do we buy and why and what do we need or just want (more of)?
As you know, we went through hell in 2025 with Jose’s cancer diagnosis; for now he is doing very well, all cancer removed. But, I admit uneasily, it also prompted some very big splurges — if life (as it did) could suddenly and without warning look a lot nastier and shorter, what are we waiting for? We have no family to leave our assets to; we focus on saving (as many do) for the grim likelihood of nursing home costs, but not much else longterm.
I bought myself a diamond ring.
I had never thought much about one, as 99% of them are meant for engagements, weddings or anniversaries, and most too expensive or gaudy for me. But, during our four glorious September days in Southampton, I visited a local jewelry store and found an unusual ring — it’s expandable so the diamonds (small ones, grouped) are the front, and the back is gold. I had the savings to do it, and did. It’s not “me” as I’ve always been…But maybe it is the new me.
The house that got away…November 2022, small town Nova Scotia. That was a real blow-out for me: airfare, car rental,
hotel and multiple inspections. The asking price, (!) by the end, was a mere $76,000 Canadian BUT no functional/safe
plumbing. I had to walk away.
Whenever I consider spending a lot — to me that’s anything beyond $300 or so — on any item not for cultural events, the home (i.e. clothes/accessories) or travel — I get anxious and sweaty. I was single for many years living alone with no backup beyond some savings, ages 19-22, 26-30, 37 to 43, and had to watch my pennies very carefully, so spending on anything non-essential really felt scary. I still wear a fabulous triple-ply cashmere cardigan I bought second-hand probably 15 years ago. Fewer, better things is my preference. Living in a small place forces it as well.
Spending a four-figure sum can make me hyperventilate. Frugality is a key skill for life. It should be a habit, and one consistently enforced. But finally opening the purse strings a bit (they were, once, literally strings) can feel transgressive, uncontrolled, unwise.
When Jose and I began dating, he noticed how stiflingly hot this apartment can be in summer, on a top floor with a flat roof. He noticed my old wheezy air conditioners — and bought new ones. I hadn’t experienced that sort of generosity and it had taken me months to save up for a dishwasher. (Yes, both are luxuries, I know!)
I recently took three gold pieces to sell, as gold is at all-time highs — it was $5,800 an ounce that day. I took in two pairs of gold earrings I never wore and a ring of my late mother that wasn’t my style. I was paid $1,250, to me a stunning amount. That allowed me to buy some new clothes and will help pay for Arizona next week.
Recent spending (pre-vacation) cut/color, mani/pedi, 2 new dresses and a scarf. And a very rare item — personal stationery, 50 cards. That’ll easily last me a year.
How comfortable are you spending money on non-essentials?
Broadside 