Practical Mercy, Part 2

Translated from Rabbi Arush’s feature article in the weekly Chut shel Chessed newsletter. The articles focus on his main message: “Loving others as yourself” and emuna. 

A Love Letter 

“My wife and I are broken, Rabbi, we really don’t know what has happened to our sweet daughter. She was so tzaddikah, so modest, so sweet, so gentle, a homebody who always helped. We had so much nachat! 

“And now she looks like a dybbuk (demon) got into her. She is kicking, rebelling and scornful. She spends all her days on the street and comes home very late at night… We won’t spell out everything, but she is exactly the opposite of what she used to be. And besides the bad atmosphere that this creates in our home, my wife and I look at her, and our hearts break. It is so painful. We don’t sleep at night…” 

This husband and wife have been my students for many years. Both of them looked at me, pleading with their eyes, waiting to hear what I would say. 

I smiled broadly and said to them: “I’m happy for you! Hashem loves you so much! What a wonderful gift you have received! Abba, You love them! Abba, thank You!” 

They were not expecting such a response – not at all. One could see their confusion… 

“Look,” I said. “You’ve been listening to me for many years. You have learned about emunah (faith). You  have heard about tefillah, gratitude, kedushah, and you do an hour of hitbodedut. Now Hashem has given you a golden chance to grow. You have a golden chance to see face to face what is called believing in Hashem and bringing about yeshuot (salvations) by way of proper tefillah! 

“True, your pain is great. But we know that our Father loves us, and there is no limit to His rachamim (mercy). When must one hold on to this idea with both hands? Particularly now, when everything feels so bad! So fight with all your might for this knowledge; remind yourselves every moment: ‘Abba, You love me.’ 

“But this knowledge is not only an empowering factor, so that you won’t be sad. Rather, it’s a practical key, a plan. What does ‘Hashem is merciful’ mean practically? Practically speaking it means that you have to pray at great length! If you listen to me, spend six hours of hitbodedut for her, as many times as possible!” 

“How many times, Rabbi; how often?” 

“Try to do it once a week! Week after week! As many times as possible. What difference does it make? What wouldn’t you do for your daughter? 

“What can you say? ‘I don’t have time’? ‘I’m working’? What will you say? Would you be willing to give ten thousand shekels so that your daughter will do teshuvah? Obviously, you would be willing to invest several times that amount. I haven’t asked you for even one shekel. Just cry out to Hashem. Decide that you believe that Hashem is endlessly merciful – and then stand and pray! 

“And in order to have the strength to pray at length, you must empower yourselves endlessly with the sentence: ‘Abba, You love me’, ‘Abba, You are endlessly merciful’, ‘Abba, You want her to do teshuvah more than we want her to do so’. Even if you repeat these words for the entire six hours and make your request only at the last minute – that is preferable to making a request without emunah. And if you don’t believe enough that Hashem loves you and that He is merciful, that’s called making a request without emunah. 

“Until now you had emunah, Baruch Hashem, but it was a fragile emunah. And Hashem loves you so much and wants to bring you closer to Him – and He is giving you an amazing nisayon (test, trial) in which you will see with your own two eyes His mercy and love for you and for your daughter. And not only will she be even more of a tzaddeket than she was before, but you yourselves will rise to a different level of emunah, unknown to you until now. And now, get to work.” 

A Yeshuah – But Not Like in the Storybooks 

The truth is, that if the person consulting with me was not my student and I didn’t know him – I wouldn’t recommend that he do this. Not because it is not true, but because I do not give advice when I know that the person will not be able to follow it. But here, for the dear readers who want the truth as it is, you should know: That is the truth! 

Hashem loves you, Hashem is merciful toward you; He shows limitless, unconditional love. Stand and pray and pray as much as you can, in accordance with your place and spiritual level. Don’t search for any magical solution or a way around the problem–just a prayer and another prayer and another one.  Coming from absolute faith that Hashem is merciful and certainly wants to give you, without any doubt – and you will bring upon yourself yeshuot. 

Last week we wrote about Hashem’s rachamim. We explained why this is the heart of emunah as well as the most practical tool and the key to all yeshuot. There is no yeshuah without effort. There is no change without effort. And an effort is an effort; it is not a game. Deep and lengthy and consistent and stubborn effort, no laziness allowed.  

“Happy is he who merits to speak to a listening ear”, says the holy Zohar. The consulting couple  understood what I was saying and fulfilled my instructions simply, without going for shortcuts. And it was  not instantaneous like in the stories of yeshuot one reads. They didn’t just do it for a week and suddenly she became a tzaddeket. No! It was a very, very long process, lasting months. Yes, yes, months. In fact, it was nearly a year of prayers, six hours every week.  

And this is emunah in Hashem’s rachamim in all its glory.  

For an entire month they saw no difference. Gradually, slowly, she stopped roaming around in the streets at night. Gradually, gradually she started to speak to her parents more respectfully and started helping at home. But she had not yet returned to her former self completely. 

As time went by, she became acquainted with a young man like herself, from a good family, who had also gone through a lot. They kept themselves holy and strengthened each other and decided to get married. The preparations for setting up their new home made them more serious and they changed completely. They got married while still in an amazing process of spiritual renewal and created a completely kosher Jewish home.  

This girl is today a ba’alat tefillah and ba’alat emunah and her mother’s right hand, and she and her husband bring much nachat to their parents and to the entire family… 

The Advice to End All Advice: Emunah 

Dear fellow Jews! Six hours of hitbodedut is not a piece of advice, because it is not practical. How can one do six hours of hitbodedut? We need some advice to be able to make use of this piece of advice.  

And, indeed, the big question is: How does one do six hours of hitbodedut? And the answer is:  emunah!  What emunah? The only emunah is the belief that Hashem is endlessly merciful and that there is nothing that can’t be accomplished by tefillah. Before the sin and after the sin, for those that are worthy and for those that are not. Hashem’s has mercy even on the greatest sinners. 

When you believe that Hashem is rachman and loves you endlessly – believe me, you will be able to speak to Him fluently and effortlessly for six hours, and even more!  

Are you stuck? You don’t have what to say? Repeat again and again: “Abba, You love me! Abba, You want to give to me! Abba, You are endlessly merciful! Abba, You always hear prayers, from anyone, without any barriers!” 

When I say that anyone who says that is saved immediately, it is because the prayer is accepted  according to one’s emunah. Whoever lacks this simple emunah, his prayers are not prayers. Therefore,  during any prayer, strengthen yourself and remind yourself how merciful Hashem is, and your prayers will bear fruit.  

In many cases you will see your yeshuah immediately, but what sort of yeshuah do you want? 

When you say, “Abba, You love me, bring me my match” – you can receive the match immediately, but what sort of match will you get? Perhaps you will just suffer from being married to her? Hashem didn’t give you your match immediately because He knew you want a good and proper match, and to receive that,  you must pray at length and create many vessels. 

This is the rule: If you want a complete and perfect yeshuah, you have to pray at length and create many vessels for all the good! 

It is precisely because of this that Hashem doesn’t give you what you lack on the spot; He loves you and truly wants to act mercifully towards you, with complete rachamim and He wants you to create more and more vessels that can contain the yeshuah. 

So we will sum up both theoretically and practically: Don’t stop strengthening yourself with the emunah  that Hashem is a good Father and always loves you and is endlessly merciful – and always translate that into long hours of tefillah for any yeshuah that you need. Your main efforts should go into praying at length with emunah, and you will begin to live a life of emunah, a life of ahavat Hashem (love of G-d), a life that will be a paradise in this world.