Let’s Be Parents!

An elementary-school teacher wanted to punish a tardy child by making him write 200 times, “A pupil shouldn’t be late for school.” The principal intervened and asked the teacher, “Why punish the child? Most likely, the parents are responsible. Why not make them write 200 times ‘Don’t cause your child to be late for school’.”

Parents’ actions have a profound effect on children, even when it comes to such “technical details” as getting them to school on time. Since young children have a prodigious inclination for mischief and usually don’t yet have a sense of responsibility, the parents must be the good inclination and the bulwark of order and responsibility. We must be parents! Unlike airplanes, our children don’t have automatic navigation systems; they depend on us for guidance. Without parental guidance, they’re completely lost.

The classic times for a parent to take control are at bedtime and at wake-up time the following morning. A child who gets to school on time after having organized himself properly and after having eaten something nutritious will be able to function and concentrate at his very best. His whole day will look bright, for he’s starting off on the right foot, thanks to the helping and guiding hand of the caring parent who helped him get up on time and made him breakfast.

A parent once told me about his 13-year-old, who was especially cranky for an entire week. Anytime the parent asked his son to do something, he’d shrug and say, “I’m too tired!” On Friday afternoon, the boy’s mother saw that his eyes were glossy, so she forced him to take a three-hour nap. The boy woke up in a great mood, as if he was born anew.

What had happened was that the week before, during Hanukkah, the boy was going to a sunrise minyan with his father. He simply had not slept enough all week long. But once the mother intervened and made the boy take a nap, everything worked out for the best.

Parents cannot depend on children to make the right and responsible decisions. A parental laissez-faire attitude is detrimental to a child. If one parent must be away from home in the evening, then the other parent must put the children to bed. And, if both parents must be away, it’s advisable to put the children to sleep before they leave. If that can’t be done, then the children should be left with proper responsible supervision and clear guidelines, such as bedtime.

Parental monitoring and guidance are critical not only in technical matters such as bedtime and wake-up time, but in making sure that the children prepare their homework as well. A parent who is involved in his child’s studies will also be abreast of his child’s progress and difficulties. Such a parent is able to solve small problems before they blow up into big problems by seeing whether his child understands what he’s learning or not. This parent will be able to help the child strengthen weak areas, or to seek outside remedial help for the child, such as a good private tutor, before the child falls behind. Parents can also do their child a great service by helping the child prepare for tests.

It seems that we’re delving here on the obvious; unfortunately, though, many parents are either unaware of how important parental responsibility is, or they have a faulty, liberal, “no-intervention” notion about child education, or their attention is elsewhere, in endeavors that are more tantalizing than their oftentimes “bothersome” children. Those who hold their children’s daily needs low on their list of priorities will more than likely see grief rather than gratification. On the other hand, those who pay their dues as parents will “sow in tears and reap in joy”, amen!