I got the inspiration for this blog entry while I was working on another one that touched on my former dweeb status as an unripe human and on into my teen years. The story is, I started going blind (legally speaking) when I was only 12. more insights…
Archive for eye
Awesome Shit: Eye Surgery
Posted in Awesome, Humor with tags awesome, blind, dick, douchebag, eye, glasses, hipster, humor, Lasik, life, surgery on October 15, 2011 by BrainRantsEvil Eye
Posted in Family, Home, Humor, Random with tags 7-11, eye, home, humor, idiot husband, random on September 16, 2011 by BrainRantsThis is a light-hearted follow-up to the very serious second-of-two part rants I finally wrapped up yesterday. I find this funny because of all the major medical issues Di and I have navigated, this just was sort of the fluffy spray-whipped-topping type of issue that keeps life regular. More darkly, it’s a great example of how ongoing medical struggles with our healthcare system can turn a normal, well-adjusted woman into a borderline hypochondriac (which she really is not).
I walk in the door after my first trip in about two months, which for me and my job is astounding in terms of duration. I’m home about fifteen minutes, unpacking my dirty laundry to do later, getting my toothpaste and stuff ready for tomorrow, and other activities to police up the assorted crap that I dragged home. Di ventures downstairs, and after a nice hug and kiss, I hear about The Eye.
Mind you, this is presented as a possible Major Medical Issue. The specifics are that her right eye itches, burns, and waters. Apparently she just woke up this way. I suggest she has a cat hairball lodged deep in her eye socket. No, this can’t be. I then suggest she inadvertently scratched it while sleeping last night. No, can’t be, Di is so on-top of every movement in this house she’d know damn well if she itched her eye while deep in Stage 4 REM sleep. Pink eye? No. Terrorist plot? No. “Okay, Babe, after everything we’ve been through in two months, do you want me to tote you to the emergency room?” I asked her. Nope, no way, she doesn’t want to go blind. I was puzzled, so was she.
Calls were made, solutions were proposed. Ultimately, Di took a hot bath and afterward everything seemed pretty much better with all the symptoms on the mend. Still, Di was unsatisfied because of the dangling ‘why’ to the whole affair. She walked around as we knocked out some chores, still spouting possible explanations. Finally, as I’m applying my high-pressure scrubbing technique to some baked-on, caked-on stuff, she says this:
“Well, you know I was in 7-11 yesterday.”
I dropped the green pad and looked at her. My right eyebrow shot up Mr. Spock style (I am well-known and envied for this ability). I was momentarily thrown, and my CPU struggled to keep up. Conversation ensued:
- ME: “Seven-Eleven?”
- DI: “Uh huh. I picked up smokes.”
- ME: “And that’s what’s wrong with your eye?”
- DI: “Maybe.”
- ME: “You were in 7-11 and that’s what is wrong with your eye.”
- DI: “What else would it be?”
- ME: “You’re telling me you have Seven-Eleven Eye.”
- DI: “Why are you laughing?”
- ME: “I’m not touching that.”
To be honest I’m still lost as to the connection. By the way, she’s fine.
BrainRants 