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new layout/set-up.
not too keen on it.
it will be changed.
or dramatically tweaked.
graphics are pretty old.
but i like them.
hate the background.
hate the journal colors.

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On Sunday afternoon, my uncle and godfather passed away from cancer. It was a tremendous shock to our whole family. No one had ever anticipated this, at least not at this time. He was in many ways the glue which held our entire family together. He was 38 years old.

Some of you may remember my posts from earlier times of him being sick, in the hospital, etc. Well, at this time he was in remission. Go figure.

My cousins are only 6, 8, and 13. If anyone at all on my friends list is religious, please keep them in your prayers and thoughts.

I have to go to the viewing tonight. It's from 5 - 9. meh. It's not that I dont "handle" death well...I do. Unlike many people, I accept it. I just have a hard time dealing with it properly. At least on the surface.

He meant so much to myself and my family. He was one of my inspirations for years. And now he's gone. Leaving my cousins. It's still in the surreal stages. There was so much I had intended to tell him that I never did. And now I won't be able to either.

I have to go and start getting things together.

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while, i'm going to miss nearly all of you, and while i am truly grateful for encountering a hand full of you, this is no longer an asset in my life and causes more harm than good in most instances. in all reality, when some of you whom i am closest to think about it...there's at times more drama on here then you've ever actually dealt with "in real life". i've deleted everyone except people i need contact with to maintain communities, and my favorite communities.

HOWEVER! i will be updating every few months publicly. i will also be checking the entires of those people who leave me as a friend when i come to update at these times. i hope most of you do not take this personally in any way. and if you wish, you may leave me friended. as i said, its up to you, and i will be publicly updating sparsely, as well as commenting to those who leave me friended, so feel free.

it's been great for the last 4 years almost (come agust). i was going to delete it permanently for good (as my dearest jasmine and the lovely holly noted)...but i couldnt. too much history, and too much feeling. so, in the future i may add more people, go friends only, update every day, and open up shop again. until then, this is all.

i will still be on myspace. i love it there. "real life" friends and my loved LJ chums. its my form of communication, as well as email. so add me on there if you want. i update it often, and check it at LEAST once a week. the link is listed in my info. also, i shall be on AIM every now and again. i've recently made a new SN. it is zenikki28. so feel free to add me. my e-mail address is xricepaperprincessx@yahoo.com, or you can just mail me at blaklily@livejournal.com whatever.

i trust no one gets really lame about this, and that everyone understands. thanks for everything.
<3