Girl, Do You Ever
picture yourself three decades from now, obscured in a brown checked midi coat, sloping off to the bingo, and weep?
Do You Ever Go Clothes Shopping and arrive home with six outfits when you went for one—none of them right, and your purse empty? Do you count the cash in your emergency jar, half-hoping there’s enough, half-hoping there isn’t. You sure as hell aren’t letting him pay, because then he’ll think what they always think.
Do you leave the changing room littered with oh-God-nos, you’re-bloody-kidding-mes, and what-the-hells? Do you trudge home, squashed against the bus window by a man-spreader reading The Sun newspaper, to strew your bed with just-mayyyyyyyyyyybees.
Do you strip to your underwear, tugging up gusset-saggy tights and find your gaze skimming a pair of silk stockings rolled up on your dressing table. Stockings you only wore three times, before you realised Mark and John and Liam thought they were the most interesting thing about you.
The green wool turtle-neck is soft and warm, but it looks so boring he’ll think you want to be his mother, and—sod that—he can bloody well wash his own dishes, and actually there’s something about this guy that makes you think of greasy pots stacked high in a grime-ringed sink and your mam staring out of the window with a fag hanging from her lips and a scowl on her face, while the latest man of the house emits beer-sour farts and snores off his hangover.
Do you ever think, shit—the Paisley screams drugs and free love; the ruffled plunging neckline shouts good-time girl, but the blue trouser suit is pure Aunty Vi—and you’re fucked if you’re gonna start hiding the bog roll under the lace skirts of some po-faced plastic doll.
Do you ever think bugger it and stuff the lot in the back of your wardrobe, then watch Coronation Street with a microwave curry and a bottle of shandy?
Do you ever run your hand over brushed cotton and recall a rose-bud nightshirt with a wonky hem and the second-hand smell of Old Spice and Drum tobacco and feel your chest tighten like your bra is four sizes too small while your heart thumps and the breath catches in your throat. Do you find yourself longing again for that flood of relief when Mam got home? Do you own fifteen pairs of neck-to-ankle ribbed-cuff pyjamas?
Heather is a working-class Yorkshire writer, published by Oxford Flash Fiction, Fictive Dream, Bath Flash Fiction, The Phare, and numerous others. She has won or been placed in several competitions and is Pushcart and BOTN-nominated. Loves the sea and is addicted to cheese.
Find her at https://sites.google.com/view/heatherbooknook, https://www.facebook.com/Heatherbooknook