• Mailman Strongly Hinting He Wants To Be Chased

  • Lower Class Dismissed

  • Cycle Of Violence Running Smoothly

  • Recently Discovered Egyptian Tomb Sure Smells Like Mummies

  • Wrong Spray Merely Freshens Attacker

  • Chardonnay Vomited Into NPR Tote

  • Harlem Globetrotters Keep Basketball Just Out Of Reach Of Make-A-Wish Kid

  • Headlights Caught In Deer

  • Laugh Track Easily Amused

  • Gun Owner Ready For Them

  • SAIC Earns Top Seed In Conceptual Basketball Tournament

  • Coin Flip Disputed

  • Vibrator Left On All Night

  • Everything Riding On Second Flush Attempt

  • Mom Reminds Adult Son It’s His Birthday

  • Movie Under Impression Being ‘A Hulu Original’ A Selling Point

  • Respectful Song Addresses DJ As Mr. DJ

  • Other Guy In Wheelchair Sized Up

  • Married Porn Star Changes Name To Fellatia Juggs-Dunwiddie

  • Area Man Can’t Stop Playing With Piercing


,

Should Joe Biden Run Again?

Age means many things in the American political arena. To some, it connotes wisdom, grace, and experience. To others, it suggests a fading gerontocracy that has grown increasingly out-of-touch with the average American. As the oldest commander-in-chief in the history of our republic, the current president’s age demands a vigorous discussion to settle the question: Should President Joseph R. Biden run again? Here—in The Onion’s first-ever roundtable discussion—the paper’s editorial columnists argue for and against the proposition in a legally binding debate—one that will force President Biden to bend to our ultimate decision or face immediate imprisonment.— The Onion Editorial Board

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