Book

Island of the Sequined Love Nun

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LoveNun

I loved Moore’s book A Dirty Job.  I remember liking several parts of his book Lamb, even though I didn’t finish it for some reason.  Then I read Practical Demonkeeping and this book, and I was just so disappointed.  And bored.  And frustrated.

WhatHappened

So chronologically, the books were written in this order: Practical Demonkeeping, Love Nun, Lamb, A Dirty Job.  Since the book I liked the most of those four is the most recently written, I’d like to think/hope that part of the reason is because Moore’s storytelling has improved over time.  I’ll have to try one of his other, more recent books.

But back to the Love Nun book.  I didn’t love it.  In fact, I found extremely boring, and couldn’t bring myself to waste the time trudging through the rest of it when I knew I could be reading something else.

AintNobody

Tuck is an idiot who thinks with his dick, and ends up crashing his employer’s private plane during an ill-advised mid-flight liaison.  Then he gets a shady employment offer and ends up on a backwater island with a collection of odd characters.

There’s the taxi driver, with the junker taxi car and aspirations to be a Crips gangbanger.  There’s the intelligence officer that spends his days “spying” on the island’s “navy,” which basically amounts to a fishing boat.  And there’s the cross-dressing prostitute/pilot named Kimi who has a live bat necklace/pet.  Sounds like a fun group, right?

MorpheusWrong2

Nope, they aren’t fun.  It’s not like they’ve created a fellowship to help the main character, thus becoming interesting and entertaining side characters.  No, the story diverts from the main “plot” to show you how quirky these other characters are, but ultimately they contribute nothing to the story but filler.  And it feels like filler.  It’s like ordering General Tso’s Chicken from a Chinese place and getting a dish with a bunch of broccoli and peppers and other vegetables, and just a couple of pieces of chicken.  Vegetables are okay, but you’d probably feel cheated and want more chicken.  Well, I wanted more story!

Where's the plot?

Where’s the plot?

What I read felt like an aimless mess that was going no where fast, so I gave up.  I don’t care what happens to Tuck, so I’m just going to pretend he was eaten by cannibals so I can move on to another book.

Rating: 2/10

Mistborn: The Final Empire

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FinalEmpire

[First half spoiler-free, then spoilers after warning.]

This is the second series by Brandon Sanderson that I’m reading, and it does not disappoint.  The book is 600+ pages, and while it is descriptive, it does not spend seven pages describing a forest or a building.  Because this is a longer book, the set-up takes longer, so it takes a while for the story to gain momentum.

The main character of the book is Vin.  She starts off as a beaten and untrusting street urchin, and at first I didn’t like her.  Over time she gains some confidence, and turns out to be a very powerful Allomancer.  I generally like strong female heroes, so I really wanted to like her and was rooting for her to save the day.

Girl power!

Girl power!

Kelsier becomes a sort of secondary main character a bit into the book.  He’s charismatic and daring with a tragic past; not unique, but still fun.  Other characters I like were the enigmatic Sazed and the quirky Elend.

The story takes place in a rather depressing world, with most of the action centered on Luthadel, a sad, sooty city with a large population of slum-living “skaa,” peasants treated like slaves.  The Big Bad – an immortal tyrant – lives in the pointy, many-towered building called Kredik Shaw, located in the center of Luthadel.

Ok, Luthadel isn't THAT bad, but there are similarities.

Ok, Luthadel isn’t THAT bad, but there are similarities.

The Lord Ruler maintains his rule in part with Allomancy, the magic of the land.  In a lot of books, magic is very vague; lots of wizards tossing fireballs and lightning around with nothing but some gibberish words.  On the other hand, Sanderson gives Allomancy clearly defined mechanics and parameters.  I think this makes the magic more interesting and unique.  He does spend a fair amount of time describing Allomancy and having Vin learn Allomancy though, so some might find it boring.

Buckle down, there's learning to be done.

Buckle down, there’s learning to be done.

I liked that the book was more thoughtful with its magic system, and that the story wasn’t the epic quest tale typical of many epic fantasies.  It wasn’t a page-turner, but I was entertained throughout most of the book.  This is part of a series, so I plan to read the next book.

Final rating: 8/10 (0 = die in a fire, 5 = average, 10 = amazeballs)

SpoilerAlert

So Vin was awesome and disappointing at the same time.  Awesome because she managed to go from a downtrodden girl I didn’t like, to a girl with a bit more confidence and spunk, not to mention cool abilities.  She’s starts off as a short-haired, pants-wearing, dirty-faced urchin, and eventually embraces luxuries like perfumed baths and fancy dresses without losing sight of who she is.  A lot of books/movies seem to be afraid to make a kickass girl that likes dresses and girly things, unless she’s a sexy/flirty femme fatale type character, so I’m glad Sanderson didn’t shy away from that.

You can kick ass AND wear dresses!

You can kick ass AND wear dresses!

However, she suffered from Harry Potter Syndrome in that despite all the hype around her, how she won the showdown with The Lord Ruler had nothing to do with her gifted Allomancy abilities.  In fact, it was really nothing special at all, just circumstantial luck/resources: she had the Eleventh Metal and knowledge of the logbook.  Given the same resources, any relatively intelligent Mistborn Allomancer could’ve done the same.

Just keep telling yourself that.

Keep telling yourself that Harry/Vin.

I don’t understand how The Lord Ruler managed to have a young version and an old version, and I can’t remember anything being done to the old version.  I assume that’ll be in a sequel, so I shall read on.

Generation V

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GenerationV

Review contains spoilers.

This book could have been bad.  Nowadays any book that has vampires in it makes me suspect that sexy blood suckers and/or Bella-sues will be making an appearance.  However, this book really doesn’t have that.  Thank goodness.

Meet the Scotts, a family of vampires.  Madeline is the matriarch, an old, powerful, and respected vampire with a large territory and three children she sired.  Prudence is the oldest child; she’s independent and cold.  Proper, obedient Chivalry is the middle child, and although he’s married, he still lives with Madeline.  Then there’s Fortitude, the youngest sibling and the main character of the book.

Guess which one is Fortitude?

Guess which one is Fortitude?

Fortitude (Fort) is a loser.  He works at a crappy Starbucks knock-off, has a useless liberal arts degree, and a junker car.  He has a girlfriend, but she’s a rebellious  super-liberal and she’s openly cheating on him with his bum of a roommate.  The only “cool” point is Fort’s favor is that he’s a vampire.  Or rather, he will be after he goes through vampire puberty.  But he doesn’t want to be a vampire, so he avoids his family and eats veggie wraps instead of steak, hoping that’ll delay vampire adulthood.

LokiLook

Sure, ’cause that’ll work.

Fort isn’t a complete lost cause.  In fact, he’s the most empathetic of his family; not difficult, considering most of his family has as much empathy as a brick.  His family sees humans as pets, servants, and food, while Fort likes and respects humans as sentient beings.  This is part of the reason why he doesn’t want to become a full-fledged vampire.

Thing is, even with his good heart and good intentions, Fort does some stuff that firmly qualifies as stupid.  A big bad vampire visits the Scott family, and while in their territory he kidnaps a girl.  Fort is horrified, both by the kidnapping and his family’s lack of concern about it.  So he, a weak baby vamp and with a bad poker face, decides to try to confront the vampire and bluff him into releasing the girl.  His backup plan?  A gun he’s not even sure can kill the vampire.

TimmyWrong

Other interesting characters appear in the book.  There’s a curmudgeonly witch, a half-elf, and a family of kitsunes.  One kitsunes, Suzume, is funny and becomes an important character.  I suspect she’ll be a love interest in later books, but for now I like her.

Overall this is a was a fun book.  It wasn’t deep or ground-breaking, but it was fun, had a good pace, and wasn’t bogged down by an insipid romance.  The author’s take on vampire biology was interesting, and I like dynamics of the Scott family.  I plan to try to read at least the next book in this series.

Rating: 7.5/10

Insurgent

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Insurgent art

There are potential spoilers in this review, so ye be warned!

I read “Divergent” and found it tolerable, so I decided to read the next book in the series.  True, “Divergent” had a weak premise, but was entertaining enough that I let things slide.  Unfortunately “Insurgent” takes that same weak premise and stacks blocks of drama, angst, and stupidity on top, and eventually it just collapses into a pile of WTF.

Readers, we have a problem.

The basic concept at the heart of society in this book – the faction system – is unrealistic.  History has shown time and again that dividing people doesn’t create peace and stability: rich vs. poor, race vs. race, religion vs. religion, etc.  Also, the factions are defined by character traits: modesty/selflessness (Abnegation), intelligence/curiosity (Erudite), bravery/fearlessness (Dauntless), pacifisim/tree-hugger (Amity), and honesty/trustworthiness (Candor).  Everything about your life is determined by the faction you belong to: how you dress, where you live, how your house should look, who you can marry, and how you should act.  You must always conform to the ideals of your faction.

You will fit in that box if you know what’s good for you.

But wait, you say.  What if someone is brave AND smart AND honest?  You know, if someone had a realistic, well-rounded personality instead of being a living stereotype?  Well, that person would be labeled as “Divergent.”  And Divergents are a danger to society.  Obviously. Why?  Well, because they don’t fit in one particular box, so they are a threat to the faction system.  And they have special brains that are resistant to the simulation serum; magical, evil brains.

Ok, the magic part isn’t actually true, but so many myths have been spread about Divergents that some of the characters in the book admit to prejudice and superstitious beliefs concerning them. Seems kinda odd to that a society with science advanced to have realistic mental simulations and truth serum would still have people believing in nonsense like magic brain powers, but what do I know.

I guess River Tam is Divergent then.

I guess River is Divergent.

Speaking of truth serum, wtf?  Seriously.  At the start of “Divergent” there’s all this tension between Erudite and Abnegation factions because of some nasty rumors flying around.  If there is a truth serum, and the whole Candor faction is dedicated to the truth, why didn’t Candor use their magic serum to get to the bottom of the rumors?  And then in “Insurgent,” why didn’t they use it to figure out what the hell Erudite was up to?  Having half of Dauntless acting as Erudite body guards after nearly wiping out Abnegation didn’t seem like a good reason for Candor to say, ” Everyone shut the hell up and take some truth serum”?

Erudite in general seems pretty stupid, considering that they’re supposed to be the “smart” faction.  They create a serum that lets them mind-control Dauntless, and uses them to attack Abnegation?  Seriously?  If they wanted information, they should’ve subjected Abnegation to truth serum.  If they wanted to take over the city, they should’ve attacked or brain-washed Candor first, as they were more likely to offer resistance than Abnegation or Amity.  It just doesn’t make sense. cat_wtf-12880 The Tris in “Insurgent” feels like a different character that the Tris in “Divergent.”  While reading “Divergent,” I remember thinking that Tris was more bad-ass than Katniss from “The Hunger Games”; she learned how to fight and use weapons and actually applied that knowledge.  In “Insurgent,” bad-ass Tris has disappeared and was replaced by a stupid, angsty teen with a martyr complex/suicidal tendencies.  Some people will say Tris is in shock and a reacting to everything that happened recently, but I don’t care.  I don’t like Tris enough to want to read a whole book of her being stupid, useless, and mopey.

Final Verdict:  Nope.  One star.  It might be better than “Twilight,” but I still couldn’t finish it. PoppinsDone

Patient Zero

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by Jonathon Maberry

by Jonathon Maberry

I found the overall story very entertaining.  There was action, suspense, and a bit of though/pseudo-science all mixed in.  It was not a deep or thoughtful book, more the page-turning equivalent of a summer action flick.  Some points I feel should be addressed:

1.) This is not a zombie apocalypse book, or a tale or a zombie medical epidemic. This is a story of the “War on Terror,” of the clash of the American government with Islamic religious extremists. In this case, the terrorists’ weapon of choice just happens to be zombies; more specifically, a zombie virus cooked up by extremist scientists.

2.) The main character, Joe Ledger, is a bit much. He’s a gruff warrior-type and a leader, with better reflexes and combat instincts than experienced war/combat vets. He manages to attract the interest of a gorgeous woman, and is able to comfort her when she has a breakdown. Ledger makes for a decent main character, but I think I’d like him more if he was more flawed and less male Mary-Sue.

3.) Grace Courtland. Here’s a woman who is supposed to be beautiful, efficient, beautiful, cold, beautiful, and capable. And beautiful. Really, any time a new character meets her, they mention how beautiful she is. She’s basically just a Bond girl, so she predictably ends up with Ledger. Because of this, she feels like a waste and a distraction. I would’ve liked the story more if either Courtland proved herself to be powerful and capable and NOT ended up weeping on Ledger’s shoulder and then sleeping with him, or if she had just been replaced with a male character.

Verdict: 7/10.  I very nearly gave it 7.5, and would have if Grace Courtland had been less frustrating.