Checking in. Is this thing on?
Oh lordy lordy, look who creeped outta the woodwork to write a post. It's been ages. I have a minute to sit and think, so I figured it would be time well spent to write a nice, long, and thoughtful entry. Mmmkay.

Well it's been basically a full year since I last posted. The living situation is wonderful, the roommates are great, and we have three lovely little kitties that make me smile every day. I work at a small interactive company in Dupont and couldn't ask for a better job location. I enjoy my coworkers, and I am trying to reconcile my disdain for my creative director, but overall it's a great place to be. Single, not really dating, but open to a relationship. So that's a lil ole nutshell.

Let's see. BURNING MAN. Life altering and mind blowing and all of these amazing things that are extremely difficult to verbalize. I feel a creative force field around me at all times. My desire to create is fierce and I don't fear failure. Working on the Money Badger iAd, building sets, using saws and drills, problem solving under a pressure cooker of a timeline, these were all crucial components to my creative evolution and I wasn't even aware of it until I went to Burning Man and found the missing piece to the puzzle. There doesn't need to be a reason or purpose for artistic endeavors. Human nature drives us to create, re-think, evolve, and explore. Necessity is the mother of invention, and when items are crucial for a society to thrive, designers and engineers will step up to generate useful products and ideas. However, one doesn't need to address a specific societal demand in order to create something meaningful. Building a giant mechanical octopus that shoots fire (El Pulpo Mecanico) servers no greater purpose than to simply awe and entertain. AND THAT IS ENOUGH. Now that I recognize the importance of awe and wonder and entertainment, I don't feel guilty about seemingly frivolous creative exploration, such as daily chihuahua sketches.

I'm very much interested in marrying my artistic, design skills with car mechanics, circuitry, and robotics. Phage's brain art car is quickly becoming a reality. The group has found a way to build the car, and I will continue to help with any design/sketching required to fuel the fire. Matt Faulkner and David Brown's tesla coil concept was thus far warmly greeted by the Phagelings, and it was great to work with them in generating a rendering. My new housemate has a ton of tools and expertise with mechanics, so I am hoping to devise and build some type of mechanical/artistic structure, perhaps a segue-esque speaker holder? Daily chihuahua drawings will be making a comeback after this weekend is over. I have one other time consuming watercolor endeavor for my mom that will be occupying my time for approximately two more weeks.

Last night I met a fellow Burner who lives in DC. He invited me to a DC Burners group on Facebook. I really want to make an effort to attend these local Burn events and connect with folks. I miss the Phage crew dearly, but I am trying to resist the urge to up and move to SF and instead establish a local base of like-minded folks.

It's all very exciting, but I have to be careful not to burn out. I already feel drained from the past few weeks of extreme output, combined with my workouts and dieting.

On that note, the weightlifting has been going along WONDERFULLY. Once I finally got my shit together and decided to track my weights, squat and deadlift HEAVY, and write down my progress, things started to really progress. 200lb squat and 210 deadlift currently. I can do 8 chinups and I was using 50lbs for bentover row the other day. I know I can do way more, it's just a mental game for with the squats. It's very exciting! I train less now than I used to, but I train smarter and am able to make more progress. I got a food scale to weigh things out which helps me with portion control, and I track calories with MyFitnessPal. So far so good. If I can lose even 0.25lb of fat per week, that's great. I want to increase strength and grow my glutes and hamstrings. It's pretty awesome, and tracking things helps a lot. I find that my IBS has been way better now that I manage portions and make sure to eat more fiber. Apples still really hurt my stomach but I can't seem to not eat them. They are delicioussss and cheap! Hokay. That's about all for now. Time to go to Allentown to visit mama for her birthday!! Hooray hooray.
xoxo,
linderpants

(Comment on this)

I just watched a documentary about Gloria Steinem and her role in the feminist movement. Very interesting. I must say I struggle with my self identity as a female, since I have what I classify as masculine traits. Maybe they aren't as much masculine, as they are distinctly NOT feminine in the traditional sense. I also have been pondering why when a female exhibits masculine traits, and is considered "one of the guys," she is perceived in a positive light. However, when a male exhibits feminine traits, it is typically viewed negatively. The male is called girly, a "pussy," or subject to mild but unquestionable ridicule. I find myself inadvertently, or sometimes purposefully, molding myself to be a "guy's girl" because in some way I don't relate to stereotypical "girly" girls, and feel that the better alternative is to essentially take on male qualities and fit in with the boys.

Gloria Steinem had a quotation about women who are authoritative being perceived as bitches, or something along those lines. It reminded me of an article I read "gas lighting," which was basically when men downplay women's emotions and accuse them of being too emotional/irrational/crazy, effectively nullifying the female emotional response and making the woman feel that she is reacting in an outlandish manner, when in reality she's simply voicing her opinions/concerns. This whole idea intrigues me because I feel that I'm outspoken at times, and I find myself censoring or sugar-coating my words when I think they may be taken as too authoritative by a male. I do this with men and women, but I distinctly feel the need to apologize for my thoughts and feelings when I explain myself in a direct manner to men. Specifically this manifests itself in my interactions with Ilan. For example, I told him I was watching the documentary and that recently I had an increased interested in Feminism. He said, "oh boy..." to which I immediately began to back peddle and say, "but don't worry, I won't be all crazy about it." Looking back, there was no need to explain myself. All I mentioned was an interest in a historical movement that directly pertains to my sex. Upon hearing the slightest bit of malcontent (if I can even call it that, it was a simple comment via phone and could have a variety of interpretations), I felt this imperative need to water down my feelings because clearly Ilan was in some way threatened or uneasy. My goal is to be more mindful of these types of reactions. They are so deeply ingrained, and I have a habit of bottling up emotions or fearing to express what I decisively know, deep down, is RIGHT. Ilan tells me to voice my opinions, and recently I've been able to tell him when words or actions of his are hurtful, irritating, or just plain silly. It's cathartic. I am fortunate enough to also be in a profession where I think the playing field is fairly level for men and women. Also, the designer crowd is quite liberal, and ultimately, your sex doesn't matter as long as your artwork is solid.

Anyhow, I think somewhere at my core, I do have this dark desire to control men, though not in an overt way. I prefer to slowly edge my way into their psyche with astute little comments and observations, humor, and general charm, until I somehow prove superiority. This all sounds awful, and I don't consider myself better than all men in ANY way, but I guess I like to break preconceived notions of what a women is and acts like in some subtle, invasive manner. It is a power play, and at the end of the day I don't like being told what to do, and I strive to be held in high regard. Now that I am serious with Ilan, I have to really think about the constructs of a male-female romantic relationship and how the communication, ego, and power play intertwine. Much left to learn and discover. I almost view it as an experiment, as grotesque as it may sound. The irony is that if I'm feeling censored or stifled, I withdraw immensely, but if I'm somehow doing the stifling myself, can I blame my significant other for my own ingrained habits? Surely not. It's true that the most significant relationship you will ever have is with yourself.

(Comment on this)

back to the grind
i'm feeling a little better today, time to go to work, joy joy. last nite KP and i went to Cheesecake Factory. Everything there is like 2,330 calories, it's insane. They have this new "skinnylicious" menu, which, as Arwen told me, sounds ridiculous to order from. I'll have the skinnylicious chicken please. Durrrr. it was good food and good times. then we went to rite-aid and were a little overly excited to get earplugs. I got nyquil too! So last nite I had the trifecta of a good nite's sleep: Nyquil, ear plugs, and a sleeping eye mask. Ah, 9.5 hours of sleep does a body good. Sleeping A LOT is my new thing.

Kristy departs today. I am sad but I know I'll see her in either 5 months, or 9 months. Hopefully 5, but we'll see how things go! It's been nice sleeping at my apartment these past two weeks. I didn't realize how little time I actually spend at the apartment since I'm always going to Ilan's. I think I want to change that. I pay rent here, and I have a great time just hanging out with Olga. It's going to be a little less cheerful once KP leaves but I think I can pick up the slack. After I get over this stupid cold, I can't wait to go to the gym. I did a few workouts while KP was here, but only Bodyrock interval ones, and I haven't actually laid my hands on the iron for a while. Rawr. Beasto need to benchpress! Barwen, I got my eyes set on you!

ok wellll time to get my shiz together and go to work. Annual Report covers are due today and I'm not exactly in a polished place for our internal meeting. It'll get done. IT SHALL GET DONE! There's an advertisement on the side right now for Tech Toasties, hehe. It's these fingerless mits so you can type, and they are literally fuzzy pieces of toast, so your hands look like they're in the middle of a sandwich. Cute...for some hipster shit. Portlandia!
Adios

(Comment on this)

sickly!
i'm a sickly little shramp today. I stayed home and beasted all day. Well, actually I got a nice bit of errands done from home. I called up the apartment manager to request some forms and a repairman to come fix our kitchen counter. No one has come yet, and it's now 4:49 PM (I called around...10AM if not earlier). I may have to harass about that. Tee hee.

I also called to figure out how to roll my Simple IRA into my 401K, and I'm awaiting Howard Pasternak, my 401K advisor, to send me a letter of acceptance. Yesh, precious. Then I fill out some paperwork and send it to Franklin Templeton so they can ROLLLL that shiz over. I don't truthfully know what any of this means, but I do know that my money did grow a bit over the past two years at Franklin Templeton so, maybe this stocks and bonds shit really works! Artists trying to figure out finances is a barrel of laughs.

I also finally figured things out with my insurance for when I file my out of network claims. At the rate I'm going, I may not hit my deductible, but at least I know how it's slated to work, and that's quite glorious.

Olga and I finished reupholstering the dining room chairs. It wasn't really a tedious task or physically demanding so even though I was sick I decided to give it a go. It's quite lovely. We decided we'd do more crafty DIY tasks. I'd like to make a little hanger for keys, umbrellas, and possibly our gym bags. Shouldn't be too difficult. The sandbag is always on my mind, although BArrelicious said that Dicks is having a sale on them. I have yet to shrimp over to Dicks to investigate said sale. Oh i still need to fix my break lights. Tee hee....damn cars.

Kristy leaves tomorrow. NOOOO DON'T GOOOO. We are going to go out for dinner tonight. Perhapsy. Although I'm down to order in. I am tired and have a headache but maybe getting out of the apartment for a while will do me good.

Kendra found a crockpot! We tested it and it appears to work. I'm thinking tomorrow at lunch I can pick up some ingredients, then Friday AM I can stew it up. Although Ilan and I are going to the Austrian Embassy to usher a concert Friday so maybe that's not a good idea.

OH OH OH on other good news fronts, Arthur photo app was approved and he's figured out most of the coding so as of this Saturday I'll start making a logo, and some other graphics for the phone application. I also have to come up with a name and logo for his/our business. Since we're basically business partners from here on out, it needs to be a good name that has some personality but isn't something like "pimpin shrimp" (although that's the name we keep joking around about.

So that's the good news. Barbs got into this Air Force med program that will pay for her med school in exchange for a few years of medical service. She's very excited. I can't wait to visit her again. Richmond was a really cool town. I should probably wait until a warm weekend though.

I'm basically set on visiting Kristy sometime in either June, or October. Either will be fun. I don't want to wait until October to take a vacation though, so maybe I can swing a small trip in the spring after my vacation days reset on March 16. I can't believe my one year anniv. at HZDG is only a few short months away! Crazy.

I really miss my parents and I think they'll be coming to visit in two weekends. Great success.

Ilan is really busy with studying for his psych course, and he's also taking the GREs in two weeks. His plate is full. We may do work together on Saturday. I'm sure i'll be sad with Kristy being gone and whatnot, but I'm just going to try and stay positive and keep myself occupied. Shramp stamps all ova town.

Ight nucka salad sandwiches, time to pluck my eyebrows while watching The Biggest Loser and patiently waiting for K. Pluchs to come home so we can get our GRUB on. Hoorah.

(2 Comments |Comment on this)

poopsies galore,
i woke up sick this morning. I hope the workday goes fast. There's a presentation due tomorrow but I think we have until 1 or 2pm to get the presentation boards ready so fingers crossed that we don't stay late tonight. I think my team is in OK shape but I'll know better after our internal meeting at 11. I just want to sleep all day. I kind of lost my voice. Mehhhh.

last nite KP, Olga and I watched all these weirdo videos from a site called Vice.com. They have little documentaries. One was about bride kidnappings in Kyrgyzstan. Another one was about forced circumcision in Uganda when boys are between the ages of 16 and 20. Grosssss. And another one was called Asses of the Caribbean, so we thought it would be about like, booty poppin, but it turned out to be about people having sex with donkeys in the northern area of Colombia. Yeesh. There was also one called, "The Biggest Ass in Brazil" about this lady who calls herself the Watermelon Woman and basically like, performs and shakes her butt. It's big but...nothing to write home about. Hahaha. So it was a very informative evening of crap TV.

KP leaves on Thursday. It's going to be sad. I've got the winter blues, big time. I want to come home today and reupholster another chair since i was too lazy/tired to do it last night. Gotta do SOMETHING productive.

Friday i'm supposed to usher at the Austrian embassy for an Embassy Series concert with Ilan. I hope I feel better by then. Shrampies on a log.

(Comment on this)

mondayyy
Friday night barbs visited! we sat up and talked for like three hours straight, went to sleep, got up and had a bangin brunch at Eggspectations, did a little shopping, and she went home. Then KP and I ran errands. Just like old times! I got three new bras on sale at Soma. That place is fabulous. this weekend KP and I had an epic party night at Midtown. And I definitely got sick in the metro! A first for me. I think I've had enough partying of that genre. Got it all out of my system for the time being. Hehe. Ilan and I went to the National Gallery and the Museum of Natural History. It was neato. The Nat'l Gallery East Bldg is always a bit of a letdown. It's the modern art gallery and there's so much space there but not that much content. I wrote down a few names in my little art book so it was still a worthy time. Mmmkay. Then we finally did COTR and ate at the apartment with KP, while Olga and Alex shrimped around. It was fun and I'm really glad that Olga and KP get along well, and Ilan absolutely loves Olga and Alex. Then we watched Dexter while Ilan did some psych. homework. A relaxing evening by all means. I can't wait until the third Hunger Games is available from the library. I'm in withdrawal. Alright, thoughts of the day include not wanting to go to work, being tired of the lack of daylight, and being a little sad that KP will be once again leaving for Oxford on Thursday. :-( This visit was bittersweet.

(Comment on this)

shrampy says HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Gooood morning,
I read this little article about like, being happy in the new year or some bullshit, and the chick says she'd take a little time each day to write for the sake of writing. So since every morning I usually dick around online for at least 15 minutes, I shall try to write something. I'm all about being productive every moment of the day, even though I watched like 4 episodes of Dexter back to back yesterday, hyuck.

Last night KP and I went to Jo Ann Fabrics and I got some material to reupholster the dining room chairs! I'm excited. Hopefully I'll be over at Ilan's tonight and can grab the staple gun. I got 3.5 yards of fabric, and as it was getting rung up at the cashier, she was like, do you need a bag? I said yes please, and she goes, ok it will be a nickel. I for some reason thought she was referring to the price of the fabric, so in a "durrr" moment I said, "all that fabric is only a NICKEL?!?" The cashier was like, "you're special." hahahaha. Fun times at Jo Ann Fabric on a Tuesday night.

I hope to be productive at work today and let the ideas flow freely. And I skipped my workout last night because I wanted to hit the hay early, so today shall be a beast day! And then i can beast around at Ilan's house, he's starting a Psych class and I'm curious to poke around his textbook and ask him about the course. I miss school. Really, I miss college ruled notebooks and a nice, fresh pen to write with. hehe. Barbs is visiting Friday! While KP is still here visiting! Reunion of room 700.

OH PS here is the link to the article, http://www.good.is/post/the-no-resolution-resolution-how-to-really-be-happy-in-2012/

xoxo
bucko

(Comment on this)

beasts of america
whoaa nelly, it's been forever. I need to start writing again, for REAL this time. It's quite fun to write. So work is goin, had a late night last night helping out another team do a pitch for Tim Gunn!! Pretty cool. Absurd amount of work, it's amazing that they got it all done. Although, I left at 10pm and I'm sure it was a 1am type of night for the rest of the team.

So since my last post, Ilan moved into this new place in North Bethesda aka Rockville. It's so much nicer! He's still unemployed, studying for GREs to apply to Physician's Assistant school, and is a ball of stress at the moment. I've been going to therapy for anxiety and it's really helped. It's not easy going in there and talking about super personal things to basically a stranger, but overall it's helped me identify patterns in my behavior and cognitive patterns I've developed that I should probably investigate and re-learn or try to overcome. Makes me interested in psychology and BRAINS.

This past weekend I went to Allentown for my mom's birthday. Twas fun, we beasted on Friday night, had tea and lounged around, as per usual on a Friday. Saturday I went to the gym with my dad, and then we went to the Antique toy fair at the Allentown Fairgrounds. Creep-tastic! Old, fat men collecting weird-ass old-ass dolls, and trains and shit. It was like a horror movie waiting to happen. Then we went to some lame-o Christmas crafts show, bahahaha, my dad and I were just like, befuddled at all the weird holiday items that were totally useless and folksy. It was a sociological experiment, (which is what I like to call strange/uninteresting events with lots of unusual people in attendance, hahhaah, silver lining!)

After that we helped mom set the table for BIRFDAY DINNER, and picked up Euguene, met his dog Capone (crazy pitbull that's not neutered, so he's super hyper and jumping like ten feet high). We saw his new place, it's very nice, and hauled him to Lindermania for dinner. My aunt Anna told funny stories of Euguene as a child. Food was good. After taking Eugene home because he was having an allergic reaction to something or other, pops and I came home, then all three of us watched a new show I love on Netflix...Surviving the Cut. It's about insane military tests that soldiers have to go through for certain military jobs, like becoming a ranger or a paratrooper rescue squad member. It's awesome to watch. Very inspiring. Makes me want to be less of a little bitch at the gym. Yee-haw.

Speaking of gyms, I've been working out consistently, not really pushing super hard, but keeping the momentum going. I still maintain that I need a training partner but it's difficult when everyone is so busy. Barwen comes over to workout sometimes, which is awesome, and Olga joins now and again, but I have to be the one pushing her. Still, it's good to go with someone and bang out that extra set.

Since I'm not particularly LOVING my job, but I do see that there's oh so much to learn there, (seriously, I learn things on a daily basis, it's pretty impressive), I want to stick it out there. It's so hard because for some reason I don't seem to fit in super well with the people there. I know it's because I'm battling this anxiety "thing" and it eats up so much of my energy that I simply don't have the will to be super fun and social and I tend to retreat a bit. Also, when I first started there, I was still unsure about my relationship with Ilan, and having never been in a serious relationship before, every little tiny bump in the road was heart-attack armageddon worthy, in my eyes. That takes a lot out of you, to worry about every little gchat and text message. I have learned to chill out a bit more, but I do get swept up in anxiousness more often that is probably healthy. It's a learning experience I guess. I've been doing yoga consistently, and it feels GREAT. My body really responds to the breathing and stretching. I've also tried meditation a few times, me likey. I am trying to do some figure drawing classes on Sunday, hopefully. There's an open studio at Montgomery college in Rockville, for like, $9 I believe. I'll look into it more.

Tonight I want to work out and cook. I decided to do "Meals on GRE Wheels" for Ilan. He enjoys my cooking and is spending almost all of his time studying/job searching these days, so the plan is to give him a choice of three dinner options, he picks one and I cook it, then either deliver it to his house for a nice dinner, or he can come over to eat if he needs a change of scenery. We can eat together, or if he's super duper busy, he can eat on his own, and that's totally fine with me. It's nice that I work so close to his place, so I can easily bring food with me to work, then drop it off on the ride home. It's sort of a win-win, because I LOVE LOVE LOVE to cook and to try new recipes, and I really enjoy when others eat my cooking. Ilan likes to be cooked for and needs all of his free time for job stuff, GRE stuff, PA school stuff, blah blah blah.

Arthur and I are working on an iPhone app. He's still working out the code for it, then I'll start on more detailed graphics. So that's pretty exciting, but still the ball is in his court for the development end.

I need to figure out a new art project for myself. I drew something for my mom for her birthday, it was OK but not as fulfilling as I hoped. Maybe I'll make some special holiday cards or something. I need a little "passion project" as Olga calls it.

Alright, time to get ready for work. MmmmHMMMM. If you're reading this, post a comment so I know some friends are alive out there!

(Comment on this)

bagaikers
I haven't been on LJ in forever! I do believe it's time to start writing again so I have detailed accounts of my existence. hyuck.

Soooo last weekend on Friday I got out of work at 1PM for Summer Fridays. I was super stressed because of this last minute CRAAZZYY project that was dumped on my lap, along with a few other members. I basically decided that for the sake of sanity, I'd take advantage of my turn for Summer Fridays 1pm departure, and I'd put in a few hours of work on Saturday and Sunday to get a few things done.

Anyway, i went to ilan's house, he was a living fart machine because of something he ate, which was actually quite hilarious. We watched a boxing documentary about Luis Resto, it was really interesting. Apparently his coach took padding out of his boxing gloves and put plaster on his knuckles, giving him an unfair advantage. There were serious injuries to his opponent, who eventually killed himself, and Resto and his coach did jail time, yadda yadda. Sad story.

We beasted around with his brother, i think we played outside at some point with the dogs, and then went out for some Vietnamese, beasted at TJ Maxx, and went to see Super 8, then did a lil smokey smokes and went to bed. Glorious. On Saturday I had the DC Metro Dash!!! Wooo. Ilan drove me out there and helped me warm up, and then filmed me doing it! My time was dead average. It was like, 15min 20secs, and average completion time is 15 mins. It was rough though. I feel pumped about it, makes me want to try and up my workouts ,though i have been slacking lately.

Saturday evening I met up with Arwen at Asylum in Adams Morgan, met her bartender boy toy, had free draaanks, then met up with ilan and we were both hammered and went to bed. Sunday we got up early and i went to watch him play an AM soccer match. Then we watched the USA vs Brazil Women's soccer semi-final game, go USA. Good game. Really good game. His parents and bro watched as well, it was fun. Thennnn we pumped up my volleyball, and me, ilan and his bro eyal played volleyball in the backyard, then went to the pool and played some catch in the pool and horsed around, and then we went back and set up a soccer net in the field and kicked some soccer balls around. His dad played competitively up until a few years ago, so he was showing me how to kick properly. And after that we napped and set up a hookah, ilan made turkish coffee wiht a little chocolate liquer candy that he melts into it cuz it's soooo goooood, and i went home eventually to do some work.

yesterday I finally got to the point where iw as like, OK< i'm officially going to try and seek out a therapist for my anxiety. I was all panicked about the monday deadline for work, thinking that i'd have to stay until 10 pm or later...and we finished our work at 6:45! So i freaked out all fucking weekend for NO REASON. And sunday i did work that i probably didnt need to do cuz the direction changed a bit on Monday. I really need to chill out.

i also let the anxiety negatively affect my relationship. I just freak out about stupid shit all the time in my head, and always get anxious about the possibility of breaking up, or of like, some impending doomsday thing that will end the relationship that i think i secretly know about but am avoiding. it's just crazy, and i'm sick of it. Kendra, the new roomie, has dealt with serious depression and anxiety and she's a psych major and goes to a therapist, so i'm going to talk to her about it, and she knows people in the industry so maybe i can find someone good. I just need to learn how to better deal with my anxiety.

I told ilan about it. He was forced to go to therapy as a child for many years and hated it, but he said i should do it if i think it will help me. He also asked if my anxiety had to do with him, i said maybe sometimes, but it's more about ME not being able to address things properly, and the stress I have about our relationship is just normal couple things, and normal bumps in the road. He said to let him know if i'm stressed about something he is doing. And today he forwarded me some CNN article on women and stress.
Anyhoozle,
time to get my crazy ass to work! bagaikers.

the founder of Dick's Sporting Goods is named Dick Stack, hahahah

(Comment on this)

back from hiatus!
shrampies! i haven't updated shit shiz in far too long! it's almost July already. let's seeeee here. where shall i start. Work has been getting better, I went out to eat Cuban food with a bunch of folks on Thursday night, that was quite fun. I feel rather sheepish because the first brochure that I designed and printed ended up printing wrong, which was the faults of five different people including myself because we didn't review the mock-up from the printer. It's going to cost like, $3200 to reprint. Oooops. Hopefully it will all be OK. As far as my other projects, the clients seem happy and my creative director seems happy, but I'm not quite fulfilled with any of my design projects yet. I am hoping I'll get a little something portfolio worthy out of this one Monroe Street Market project, but that's yet to be determined.

Friday night Ilan and his roomies threw a kick-ass party. It was Halfway to Xmas themed. It was so awesome, there was beer pong, an ice luge, a ridiculous amount of liquor, a keg (ofcourse), and even a bag of liquor soaked gummy worms. Holler! I played some pong and finally got to chat with Katie and Yo, the couple that Ilan knows well who I ran into in ISTANBUL randomly, and neither of us had any idea that we'd all be there simultaneously. Ofcourse, Ilan had no clue that Katie and Yo were going to Turkey, period, so it was all a big crazy weird coincidence of awesomeness. I also met this other cool couple, Johnny and Kate, who are Ilan's college friends I believe, and they invited us to this happy hour outdoor Bethesda festival on Wednesday. Hopefully I don't have any weirdo deadlines and can make it! So the best part of Friday, aside from the crazy landlady calling the cops, who ended up knowing ilan and his best friend so they were just like, eh, keep it down...ish? Anywayyyy, at around midnite the keg was kicked so we went to BlackFinn down the road to drink and dance. Jolly good. On the walk home, we got a pizza box from CVS. We were a few blocks from ilan's house, and he says he has to pee. "Take this" he says, referring to the pizza box, then promptly throws it on the grass instead of handing it to me. (wastey FACE). So he goes around the side of this person's house to pee, and i'm waiting on the sidewalk. 15 mins passes and I think, this drunky passed out! I walk around the side of the house and he's gone! I get a phonecall from him saying he's back at the house already. Apparently, as he tells the story, he was peeing, farted, thought he was going to shit his pants, then felt queasy, thought he was going to BARF, so he SPRINTED home for like 6 blocks barely holding his pants up, ran into the bathroom at his place and had a butt explosion, (and I believe he puked as well.) I have never met someone with such violent and spontaneous bodily functions. Anyway, i was FURIOUS because he left me in the street, so i was getting ready to yell my head off, but when i got back to his place there were people still there so i decided not to make a scene. We argued about it before bed, until it just became hilarious. Ilan was like, I am SO sorry, i was so hammered, i basically SHARTED, and my gut instinct was to sprint home to the bathroom! I didn't want my girlfriend seeing my shitting myself and puking in a random person's backyard! hahahahaha. I was like, honestly, I do not know what I would have done in that situation...but i told him that he's 28 years old and should probably stop drinking to the point of nearly crapping his pants and simultaneously vomiting. The funny part is he never SEEMS that drunk and then suddenly...it's a big UH OH moment. I should invest in a portable toilet for him. Or maybe just carry around a little pot, you never know when he's gonna blowwww.

The next day we had brunch with josh and then picked up his high-as-balls younger brother and got a RedBox movie. His bro was hungover and stoned and in the backseat and ilan is like, hey you can chill in the car while we get a movie, and his 20yr old brother goes, "no i'll come, you should never leave a hungover baby in the back seat." I found this to be hilarious. So anyhoo, we finally made the pizza from CVS the previous night, pre-ass explosion, and watched this creepish movie about the plague, and then decided to make some BBQ so I contributed by getting London Broil, some veggies, and i got some butterscotch pudding (cuz apparently that's ilan's favorite) and some strawberries and blueberries and made little parfaits! awwwww. we grilled out front and set up a table with some tikki torches leftover from the party, and played music from ilan's ipod. It was a nice little ghetto-ishly romantic dinner, hehe.

one day when we were bored we looked up little video games you can play online and found this awesome one of a whale that eats people and they scream when they die. (wow, HILARIOUS!) it's a funny game. So we had this really funny scene last nite where i was in a onesie after dinner and ilan was in pj's and we smoked on the floor of his room and then laid around on the ground and played the whale game from his computer. then we watched a kung fu movie. Best saturday ever.

today i'm meeting up with max in teh city!! yay. we are going to go to the hirshorn i think. molest fest. do some artsy shit. get some lunchies. should be swell. KP is in oxford for orientation. holler at ur mother!

in two weekends me KP and ilanovich are going to see Wicked, and the following day is the DC Metro Dash. Barbs moves out this thursday and Kendra moves in. I'm excited! bagaikersssssssss.
i have not been training for the dash as much as i should, but ilan was like, dude stop stressing out about this, most people are probably doing it just for fun, and who cares if you're not in ULTIMATE shape for it. And...he's totally right. I just want to do it, have fun, i'm not trying to win anything, I just want to climb some ropes and jump through tires and push the prowler. fARTS.

(Comment on this)

PS
umm i just realized, the reason why i'm NUTSO on the emotional scale is because...i switched birth controls!! I'm back on Ocella (generic Yasmin), and I'm just starting week 2. Last time I was on it, I was super emotional and crazy as well for the first week or two!!! YESSSSSS. FINALLYYYYYYYY. i have an answer about why i've been feeling to crazy lately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hallelujah

(Comment on this)

i haven't updated in almost a month, dayyuummmm BRO
alrighty,
well life has been nutso. i started the new job and it's intense. My fourth day there I had to stay until 12:30 AM to work on this presentation with my team. The creative director had been out all week on jury duty, and the presentation was due Monday night. I was added to the team on Friday at about...1PM. So basically from that point on Friday, I had a crash course in this image development project for an apartment and retail center, and then I did some weekend work from home. Monday was a frenzy, the creative director returned, we had a billion pieces of collateral to create, and then print and mount stuff to boards, make PDFs, print this booklet...etc. OMG it was like, ridiculous. It was particularly traumatic for me, being only my fourth day there, not expecting to be so late, and not know what all we needed to present in the end.

Anyway, let me back track to last weekend! Friday after work I went to Ilan's parents' house for this big family reunion. I met his grandma and her sisters from Switzerland, Tel Aviv, and LA. I met a buttload of uncles, aunts, cousins, and significant others. We played with the kids and the dogs and ate shwarma and it was fucking delicious. On Saturday I did a few hours of work and then got all dressed up, met up at ilan's, and we went to the Hyatt where his grandma's 80th birthday party was at! It was really nice. I helped his mom set up these specially ordered mugs, a random little take-away gift. There was a cocktail hour, and ilan showed the video he's been slaving over, and we all danced and beasted around. It was really really fun and I kinda miss those family oriented events. He said I made a really good impression on all of his family, and they had really great things to say about me, so that's good. I actually in a weird way miss his family, lol. They were very welcoming and fun to be around. I'm excited for Passover seder at his parents house.

So after all that we decided to remove "single" from facebook, ya know, get those bases covered. I'm still not 100% sold on us being OFFICIAL, mainly because he has yet to meet all of my friends this weekend for my bday, and then he is yet to meet my parents. I think my mom will really like him, but my dad is kind of a weird bird and a ball of awkward. I mean, everyone loves papa linderman, but...he's a bit eccentric, ay?

I finally got to the gym on Wednesday night. I had been so fucking busy with work and adjusting to the new job that I totally lost track of LIFE. I need to get back into the groove so that I'm not a weak little pansy for the DC Metro dash. Shrampies.

Tonight Hools gets in at 9:40, booya! After work I'm going to ilan's for a BBQ and then picking up hools. Saturday Jackie gets in and we shall beast. Saturday night is party time. Sunday daytime I'm not sure what I'm doing, probably taking a big NAP, and Sunday night ilan got tickets to see The Chosen. Shramps galore!!

Alright, time to do my hair and ROLL OUT SON.

(Comment on this)

can't wait to play badminton
hola,
sooo i got the job at HZDG and negotiated a slightly higher salary than their initial offer!!! I am SO EXCITED!!! Oh man oh man oh man!!! I start March 16. My last day at Bates will be March 8. I have a little week to beast around, I think i'll probably go to museums and do DC things that I usually don't get to do. Maybe even see the National Cathedral. I am stoked! I'll have to take my car into the shop as well, damn check engine light is on. bastards.

This past weekend was fabulous. On Friday I took off, had a baller workout, and then it was NIGHT OF LIBERATION for me and Kristy because....KRISTY GOT INTO FUCKING OXFORD FOR A PHD PROGRAM!!!! We are shitting ourselves. I'm so proud! So now we can sit down and get our Turkey tickets and everything because we know KP will be staying all summer long. I AM SO EXCITED!! AHHHH. We have to mainly decide if we want to do a package tour or just wing it. I'm starting to worry about the political climate there. Actually, I don't know SHIT about it...but other people who are more informed have raised eyebrows. However, one is my mother, who obviously is a worrisome creature, being jewish and female.

Anyway, night of liberation was awesome. Kristy's old friend Valentin was in from NC. Jeans came over to pregame as well. Valentin invited three of his Peace Corps friends that live in the area. We pregamed like ballers, had the hookah lit, i wore my freak'um dress, and even managed to bust out THREE chin-ups before heading out to Adams Morgan. (that's a new record! I was previously stuck on two!!! progresssss).

We shramped it up at Grand Central. At one point, me Valentin and Paul wrastled through the sardine-can crowd to the bar, and got a round of beers, but the bartender dicked around and didn't take our cards and then was nowhere to be found, so we just peaced. Haha. ran away on the check! oh man. i think i spearheaded that decision. But seriously, the bartender seemed to have forgotten about us so, we didn't want to stand there all night in the sweaty, packed corner. naist! OH DUH Maria was in town from Maine!! So her and Laddy and someone else came along as well. It was glorious.

AT the end the night, I think I turned into "mean drunk Marina." Mainly, my aggression was directed toward Jeans, he was being annoying and everyone was getting irritated. I have no clue what I said, but I did crawl on all fours around my living room and now i have rug burn on my knees. Classy lady, Linderpants. No doubt.

Soo Saturday I cooked and brought some veggies over to Ilan's. Me, him and his roomie Josh had a little BBQ. Josh made some off-color comments about whether or not i had fucked a black guy, so I said, "yes, my ex was black." This wasn't a big secret, I just hadn't told ilan since it never came up, but I feel like all white guys are intimidated by black penis. Just sayin! Anyway, Josh proceeded to say, "oh you did fuck a black guy! I hope you got an AIDS test!" and I was like, actually I did i get tested every 6 months, and he goes, "why, cuz you fuck a lot of dudes?" And i reply with, "no, because i'm a hypochondriac." And awkward laughter. Oh he also said, "is it true what they say about black guys...." and I laughed, and he goes, "that they're POOR?"

It was all horribly wrong and ilan was like DUDE, wtf is your problem? Apparently Josh apologized a few times later. I basically didn't really care, the only thing that bothered me was that I hadn't actually told ilan much about Victor and would have preferred to do it not in front of Josh under those circumstances. Whatevs! Such is life.

BBQ was delicious, that boy can GRILL! And then I went to watch him play hockey, subbing for a club team. And then we watched TV and relaxed. MMhmmmmm. Good times. I stayed over and the next afternoon my mom called and kind of guilt-tripped me about how I should come down for the whole week I have between jobs. I don't really want to because there's not much for me to do in Allentown, and I'm coming down there Thursday - Saturday of this week. I got kinda upset because I do feel bad that I don't see my parents too often, BUT, they never want to come to DC! There's so much more to do in DC than in Allentown!! Plus, if they're in DC, I don't have to make time to visit A-town folks and can spend a weekend of pure parental bonding. Not that I don't like visiting a-town peeps, but then i feel BAD when i do it cuz i'm splitting attention between my parents and my friends. Whatever, i got all stressed, and briefly explained the situation to ilan who knows a thing or two about overbearing parents cuz his are Jewish and Israeli, which is a whole other ballpark. I couldn't really snap out of my funk, and I wasn't ready to talk to him about my dad having Parkinson's, so I went home. But I think I'm just going to tell him about that next time I see him. It's stupid to make it a secret, and if it affects my mood I'd rather have it out in the open than him thinking I'm getting upset over other reasons. I hate the Russian custom of keeping everything a big, goddam secret, so why should I perpetuate something I don't really understand or support. Shramps.

I started designing a cover for ilan's grandma's guest book, it looks pretty good! We are going to a Caps game tomorrow, hellz yeah!! I was thinking about going ice skating at the Silver Spring skating rink during lunch either today or wednesday, might be fun, if other people want to go with me. Bagaikers.

March 12 I have that letterpress class at the Pyramid Atlantic Art Center. Can't wait!!! Awesome.
I also signed up for the DC Metro Dash. I'm about to kick my training into high gear. The event is July 2. Booya. I know I can't win the whole thing, but I want to do my damn best. I'm excited that I finally can do 3 chin-ups, it's a big deal for me. I also realize I should probably lose a few lbs of fat so that I can do the wall climbs with ease. Less fat = less weight to hoist up. I have four months to bust my ass, which is plenty of time for huge strength gains. I should devise a plan. I want to definitely incorporate sprints into my workouts, and now that the weather is nice, I should be able to do so. I'd also like to consistently do assisted pull-ups and negatives, and up my #s for the lat pull downs, because I have seriously been plateauing. Also, the jump rope intervals are great for extra cardio, just sheer endurance with the jumping for long periods of time. Yezzir. If i can shake off 5-10lbs, that would be great for my speed, but it's probably going to be EXTREMELY hard to stay in a consistent caloric defecit for that long, and i don't think I can do it without a training partner that's also trying to lean out. Whatevs, we'll see. Either way, I'm excited to take shit to the next level!!!

(Comment on this)

it's been a while! i don't remember when I last wrote. oh wait i just checked. bagaiks. soooo in a nutshell i got a job offer from a design studio in Rockville, MD. I am negotiating salary and waiting to hear a reply. I'm scared!! I HOPE that since I asked for a higher starting salary, they won't get all pissy and withdraw the offer. I can't standdd it here at Bates for another day. Kill kill kill.

things have been going really great with ilan. I guess the last time I wrote, I went to his birthday, met all his friends, talked to his dad, had delicious food, and pimped around at the bars. It was fabulous. This past weekend Laura Goodell flew in from Chicago. We had a relatively low key weekend. Ilan came out to Rock Bottom on Sunday night to have dinner with us, I was nervous about just the three of us hanging out, but it was really fun and laid back. I'm going to be designing the guest book cover for his grandma's 80th birthday party. Jolly good!

Yesterday after I dropped Laura off and had my phone salary negotiations, I was a bundle of nerves. Ilan invited me over to go to Mongolian BBQ place. It's funny because whenever we hang out as one on one in a restaurant setting, it takes a bit of time to like, get into the conversational flow. I was totally out of it because I was mentally occupied with thoughts of jobs and salaries. He was still beat from a weekend in AC. We got back to his place and I changed into the onesie and then it was hilarious because his roommate Josh brought a girl home and out come Ilan and I, meeting her for the first time, and I'm in a onesie. Fuck yeah! So we watched some Hockey and some HIMYM and then Ilan and I played Bananagrams, which is like a tardball version of scrabble. We decided to have the theme be "dirty words" so everything was like, BUTTS, Cunty, dominate, labia, and things like that. Harder than I thought, surprisingly. (That's what she said.)

OhHHHhhh LOLA spilled water on my computer and it's basically dead. I await to hear what the Apple store says. Barbara is willing to pay for some of it. I am fucking PISSED. Stupid cat. My computer was in my room on my desk, and I had my valentine's day flowers in a pitcher on top of the desk as well. I forgot to shut my door for like ten mins and the cat snuck in and tipped over the pitcher. Fuckkkkk.

Hopefully, I get this new job, get a raise, and it won't be so bad. It's just a computer, files were backed up, and Barbara can pay for half. Ideally. Shrampies!

So last night after bananagrams and wrestling and beasting and bucketing, and gettin NEKKID, I asked Ilan if he was still on OkCupid. He said that technically he still was on it, he still keeps in touch with two girls he had started talking to before me. At first I wanted to just get up and leave. But we talked about it and he asked if I'd like for him to remove his profile, whether it upsets me, etc. He said that we had never discussed our official title, or what we are looking for long term, etc, so he wasn't prepared to burn bridges with other girls he had started establishing contact with. I'm glad that he wasn't trying to conceal anything from me, because it could have been quite easy for him to say he was no longer on OkCupid, or not speaking with anyone at all. I explained that I am not one to demand that he remove the profile. That being said, I can't truly progress emotionally to the level I'd like to in our friendship knowing that he has this profile out there in cyberspace. I said that I understand the rationale, things may not work and he doesn't want to be back at square one. He said he's just about ready to remove the profile, he's just not 100% there yet. Then we kinda talked about what we were looking for long term, marriage, etc. Even talking about stuff I was really not anticipating, like raising kids Jewish, and all that gross adult shit. I guess he was worried that we didn't have enough small stuff in common, with him being so passionate about hockey, our differences in musical preferences, and even down to the fact that he loves guitar and piano and I don't play an instrument. It was interesting to hear his concerns. He asked me if the fact that those small hobbies of ours don't align was troublesome for me. Honestly, it's never been an issue. I enjoy watching hockey and although I'm nuts about dancehall reggae, I would totally see a Billy Joel concert. And I don't think two people need to have ALL the same interests to make things work. We have enough common ground, and a shared sense of humor is in many ways enough of a bridge in my book. Apparently, in regards to the music, he was like, "well, what if i want to have a band, and you don't play anything so you couldn't be part of it." (which was hilarious to me actually. Go form a band! I'll go to your shows. I'll just be a groupie!) And then he's like, these are things people argue about when they're married. "You were late for dinner because you were practicing with that stupid band again!" (literally, this is what he said.) So I'm kind of trying not to laugh because it's hilarious and adorable at the same time that this desire to form a band, and a fear that he'd get in trouble for missing dinner due to band practice, it's really cute.

So anyway, I said I wasn't prepared to discuss official titles and boyfriend/girlfriend status, and that I am more concerned with building a solid friendship and understanding between the two of us. I told him that we can place a billion titles on our situation, but until we can both be certain that there's a strong emotional bond and a serious friendship and understanding, the titles don't mean dick. We both agreed that things were going well and we were on the right path. So as much as it deeply bothers me that he is on OkCupid maintaining these rainy day contacts, I know the reasoning behind it, and I know it will only continue until Ilan feels more certain that things between us can work out in the long run. It makes me feel better that he wasn't defensive or mad, and wanted to talk things about and get stuff out into the open. I'm not sure what timeline he had in mind when he said that he suspects he'll be ready to delete his OkCupid profile "soon," but my intuition isn't picking up on any red flags, and I don't view him as a deceptive or conniving person. He's always upfront when I ask him about intentions. He's not really one to sugarcoat. But anyway, he also mentioned wanting to figure out a way that I can attend his grandma's 80th birthday, which is basically a massive family reunion with relatives flying in from all over the country AND Israel. I told him that would be extremely intimidating, but it would be fun. So here is where the paradox of Ilan comes into play. He is ok with me meeting his entire, extended family, but he isn't yet comfortable deleting a dating profile. It's something that I am in the process of understanding. He likes to be able to communicate openly and talk about feelings, but he finds it hard to get the ball rolling. We actually talked about these things last night. It was probably the first time in my life that I could speak frankly with a guy I was romantically involved with, voice my mind, and not worry that things would be awkward afterward. Alrighty, time to get some shizzz doneeeeee. Holler!

(Comment on this)

shramps galore,
sooo last monday i went to ethiopian food with neil, and he's kind of weird so i won't be seeing him again, le bye. there was some snow, blah blah, i hit a 155lb PR with my deadlift, woo hoo. other than that it was basically a deload week. Thursday night I went to ilan's and we watched a random movie, made smores with his roommates, then his best friend's sister came with a bunch of drunk chicks and we all played Apples to Apples (HATE THAT STUPID GAME), it was fun though, and then i slept ova cuz it was getting late. It was a jolly good time and I really enjoy hanging out with him and his roomies, it's like the frat house i always wanted to live in! hahaha.

friday ilan and i went to lebanese taverna, cuz he had a groupon, ohhh yeah cheap jews!! and it was fucking delicious and really nice in there! and then we played some games at Dave and Busters, his roommate Josh and his g/f Kristy joined for a while. The only thing we could get with the tickets was a crappy bracelet that said Princess on it, so we gave it to Steve, the third roommate. hahahhahahaha. And i stayed over and in the AM we had some bangin omelettes and smoothies (gawd i love a man that can cook), and watched Kung Fu Panda, and ilan showed me how his video editing for his grandma was going. Looks good to me, I think video editing is hard as balls and you really have to have an intuitive sense for the pacing and the flow in order for it to not get boring. bagaikers.

so saturday, what did i do...ummmm i read, and i sketched a Blue Crabs logo for the hockey team, and in the evening kristy and i pregamed like ANIMALS, alyssa and Jeans joined up, and we went to Front Page. I peed outside of the metro, almost fell asleep on the metro, honestly i almost puked on the metro but used all my mental powers to get mah shit together (apparently i demolished probably about...2/3 of a bottle of vodka on my own, if not more, the details are hazy, Three Olives cherry vodka is a dangerous thing. Alcoholism comes in a close second. Being Russian, a third.) ANYWAY, we got to Front Page, didn't drink ne thing the rest of the night and danced like maniacs and i really hope others were dancing too cuz it was one of those nights where you're in a bubble and for all i know, it coulda been a Buddhist convention from a silent monastery up in there and im like WOOO KESHA!!! WAKE UP IN THE MORNIN FEELIN LIKE P.DIDDY!!!

i wanted to go to hot jew's but jeans would then have driven home since KP went to Robby's and I didn't want his drinking and driving so he crashed on our futon and i stayed home. worst hangover EVER on sunday. I went to Sidamo, the ethiopian coffee shop, with Zoogs. The ceremony there was less than thrilling but the overall atmosphere is nice, not to mention delicious coffee and amaaaazing breakfast sandwiches (tho a breakfast sandwich to a hungover person is like fucking solid gold covered in diamonds with 100 dollar bills nestled on a all sides). Then we went grocery shopping cuz Zoogs' car is in the shop and he needed food. hyuck! men grocery shopping is either a shitload of JUNK food, or complete and utter basics. Bread, eggs, milk, OJ, bananas. It's kinda funny. They're not so much impulse buyers, i feel.

So after that I went home, beasted, then rolled over to ilan's, watched some comedy stand-up shiz with him and steve, his friend michele came over with her PUPPY to do video editing, so i played with the pup and chatted with steve while they did their thaaang, then we all hung out and they had some wine but my hangover headache somehow reactivated itself and i wanted to DIE. Michele is cool tho, she works for this video editing place and she's doing a sex-themed show. One of the topics was men with "micro penis syndrome" and she said she had men send her pictures of their dicks to her work email, ahhahaah. So her inbox was full of random men's penis photos! ah, the working world. She also did a story on people who mentally achieve orgasm, and went to some seminar to learn how to do it, and successfully did it. For the love of GOD teach me everything you learned!! k thanks. She friended me on facebook, high five.

So friday is ilan's bday and he's doing a group dinner at a Moroccan place in DC. I was invited. Now I'm nervous because....yesterday he told me his DAD may be going, as well as his grandma. I said, hokay, and as long as his roomies are going I'll have someone to chat with, i'll be fine. I'm having a great time getting to know him and we're always doing cool stuff together, but it's not at the "relationship" level yet and i strongly feel like rushing into it would be detrimental to what we have going on here. It doesn't even really bother me that he may or may not still be OkCupid, because IF this becomes something legit, I would rather him feel that he's kinda "been there, done that" and explored other options, and is comfortable with the decision to be exclusive. I kinda had my little weird random thing with neil, and that's out of my system, and i'm not saying i'm completely on board with exclusivity YET, but yeah i dunno i can ramble on and on about shit. Let's just say, I am learning a lot about myself, and realizing that being patient is half the battle, especially for an impatient, demanding motherfucker like myself. BAM

i am still at home taking an epic crap, my AM coffee typhooned through my colon.

mmmm delicious!

ok last comment about ilan, seriously, this is ridiculous. i made him a little coupon for a 30 minute massage from me. but it printed twice, so i guess that's two 30 minute massages. I also got him Schindler's list cuz he never saw it (bad jew), and i'm picking up a bottle of Patron tequila. Yes, that to me is a fabulous gift. Liquor, Holocaust, and muscle relaxation. i was going to get him a onesie but...they're not cheap honestly, i think i lucked out with my $5 purchase. Plus, the buttflap is really a necessity i have come to realize.

my onesie is fabulous, thanks for asking.

(Comment on this)

shramp sandwich
word to your mothaaaa,
so i finished the first Harry Potter book that Ilan let me borrow, good times. I'm starting the second one tonight. This week was pretty fun. On Tuesday I went to see Ilan play a full hockey game, the first one since his leg injury. I was the only spectator, aside from some random lady, and I was right up against the glass. even though it wasn't a pro game, it was still awesome to be so close up. I brought my book with me, as per ilan's instructions, but ended up reading maybeee 2 pages because I was kinda into the game! And he scored a goal and two assists, wooord. Too bad i'm kind of a terrible spectator because I honestly have a lot of trouble seeing when a goal is scored. Like, if it weren't for the scoreboard, I can't see the goddam puck, it's too small. Shramps.

Thursday we had a client meeting in Chinatown and then had lunch at Potbelly's, "we" being me, Katie and Ernie and the Nat'l Parks mag people. Thursday night I went to the mall and to Target looking for a potential cute outfit to wear on Friday, couldnt' find anything, ended up buying an adult pajame onesie, or "union suit" as J.Crew calls it. This thing is banging, it was only $5, it's a one-piece pajama that covers your entire body, but doesn't have the footsies/booties things that a legit baby onesie has. It's got buttons from the collarbone down to your crotch, but no butt-flap (which actually SUCKS, and if i ever get another one of these, ima def spring for a butt-flap.)

Anyway, that was my shopping experience, and this is yet another reason why I can't be trusted to do clothes shopping on my own.

Friday was Mimi's last day, I finally pranked everyone with the fart machine. Katie brought in her foster dog, Elsie. SO EFFIN CUTE AND WELL BEHAVED. Husky/German Shepherd mix. Adorbs!

Friday night after work I did a brutal interval workout, then went over to Ilan's, he invited me for dinner. He made this fucking amazing steak on the grill, some grilled portobello tops, grilled zucchini, homemade guacamole and cut up fresh veggies. FReakin good. His roommate josh and his g/f beasted with us for a while, then second roomie steve showed up with his friend Hal, and we all hung out and ate and eventually watched an episode of Spartacus Season II (god bless the creator of that show. it's basically like "HEYY how can we get gratuitous amounts of sex, half naked HOT muscular men, violence, and ridiculous CGI blood splatters, disguised by a thin plotline??? ANCIENT ROME ofcourse!!"

Saturday morning after much debate ilan joined me at the Silver Spring farmer's market. He got some steaks and bison steak, i got some sage + apple sausages and one bison steak. Fuck yeah. Sooo i went home and finally went to Home Depot and had my log sawed into two smallish stumps, and two 1.5 inch slices (only one is really usable, the second is super lopsided, but we shall see). So right now I have the one log piece drying in my room, and I scraped off excess wood chips and little rocks ingrained in it from the rolling. Hooray.

in the evening, me barbs and KP smoked hookah and watched SEven Years in Tibet. I also grilled my bison steak, it was good shiz, super lean cut! fuck yeah. I also wore my onesie all evening long. ALSO when i told ilan about my onesie, i thought he'd just give me that "youuu crazy" look, BUT he thought it was awesome and said he's always wanted one...with a butt-flap ofcourse, and he wants me to bring mine over. (marry me?) hahahaha.

tomorrow i may hang out with neil, the rando i picked off the street. i don't really care if i see him or not to be honest, but he contacted me a few times, and he lives across the street so...whatevs. I don't have a ring on my finger. I really like hot jew but i have to not get all fucking carried away like i always do. you know the formula: omgomg this guy is awesome/perfect! 2 weeks later there's signs of bullshit. 1 month later i'm disgusted that i ever got involved in the first place! Rinse and repeat. hahahaha. umm apparently i have severe commitment phobias wayyy worse than i ever, everrr everrrrr imagined. Victor really did a fuckin number on me, and i had no clue until i recently started thinking things through in a rational manner, and read up on some psychotherapy. dizzayum! well, at least i'm movin forward.

so yeah tomorrow at 2pm there's a coffee ritual ceremony at Sidamo, this ethiopian coffee place on H Street. I want to go really badly and if neil doesn't want to...i may just say ok thanks buh bye now! or i'll go and then hang out with him in the evening for a light meal or something. whatevs.

i'd also like to suggest hanging out with ilan for tuesday evening, though i think he may be playing hockey, but i feel kinda bad because i have only ever invited him over to my place once, and he has been kinda dropping hints about coming over and whatnot. Soo i'll just throw it out there, maybe some dinner + hookah + scrabble/trivial pursuit, although i want to go to his place cuz i need to borrow steve's drill and chisel for the stump, and i would like their help with his tools (that's what she said?) BUT BUT BUT the log is still wet from the snow, but i mean, you can drill wet wood, can't ya? (biggest that's what she said of all time). So yeah, i could suggest that, and if he's unavailable i'll work on my calendar tuesday evening. yessss indeed. i have a big list of the weekly themes, and i really want to start laying out the general layout of the calendar, also i need to figure out the dimensions. beep bap.

mimi send me a link to this job in silver spring, museum design, but i spoke with a Tyler alumni working museum design who said it wasn't creative and she's frustrated. gulp!

MY NEW PASSPORT CAME IN DA MAIL!! WOO. KP and i are gonna book tix probably in the next 2-3 weeks for TURKEY!!! high fivesssss.

lately, i have been feeling like i have a billion ideas swimming in my head at all times. I also keep hearing quotes i really enjoy. "the mind fails long before the body" is something i keep repeating in my head when im working out, and then today i heard "the more difficult the journey, the greater the depth of purification." (loves it!) And also, "if a problem can be solved, do not worry about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good." (that should be my fucking mantra, given all the random anxiety i have for no particular reason). But my actual favorite is, "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." shrimps on a stick!

(Comment on this)

a very strange weekend indeed
friday night i went to Chi Cha Lounge with Miriam, smoked some great Peach hookah, had a few beers, and bopped around to fabulous music that made me want to booty pop all over the continental US. great times. Saturday I went to the Silver Spring farmer's market, got some locally pastured beef, got ingredients for my grilling feast from H-Mart, bucketed at home. Then laddy came over. We took a walk to the rock creek sports club so I could inquire about boxing lessons. They gave me the name, phone and email of the boxing trainer. score!! on the walk back, i spotted a pile of logs. For a while now i have been wanting to get a birch log, carve the center out, get a potted plant and stick it into the birch log so that the foliage spills over the top and gives the illusion that the log itself is sprouting greens. Anyway, teh logs were not birch, but beggars can't be choosers. Long story short...laddy and I rolled a log for about a mile to my apartment in the dark. It was a good workout. As a result, I want to develop the new "it" workout, LOG ROLLING! Hear me out: you get a log, set up an obstacle course, roll the log through things. Lift it, throw it, jump over it. It will be the new p90x!! And mandatory flannels involved. fuck yeah. and we can hire hot college guys to dress up as lumberjacks and look pretty on the sides.

so anyways, log is now in my trunk, and the next part of the process will be to procure a saw. fuckyeah, new crafty shizzle project. booyakasha.

saturday night i went out with Liza and her husband. We drank at Front Page, danced on tables at Cafe Citron, I had a stage 5 clinger Bolivian guy, but he was cute and had a nice smile which made up for the lack of English. Then we beasted to Lucky Bar just to chillax. I took the metro home. Now, I think subconsciously i was pissy cuz i texted ilan with "hi bucko" at some booty call-ish time, but he didn't reply. Anyway, i'm buzzed, i get in my car to drive from the metro parking lot to the apartment. Then I see a dude walking down the road and for some reason i assumed he desperately needed a ride to the metro. He starts coming over to my car, but it was actually to tell me my headlights were off! I assumed he wanted to get into the car for the ride that i made up in my head, so im like, get in!! he says, oh, i live right across the street, i'm fine. I persuaded him apparently, so we chatted in my car and sat around the parking lot of my apt complex. He's an IP Lawyer from Ohio, ahahah. Then it was cold so i invited him up, we had beers, talked about all kinds of crap, did push-ups, and generally got along freakishly well. And he was cute. Really cute. and Tall. I know...i'm fucking crazy and that was very dangerous. He stayed over, we hung out Sunday, I made some breakfast, Kristy came home and we all chatted and she really likes him. He hung out until 3PM, then left. The dude lives across the street and is in his thirties. Anyway, he asked for my number. So that was my BIZARRO experience. I think he's cool and i'd like to see him again.

so after that I made some amazing beef kabobs. ilan was supposed to have a football partayyyy but it never happened so i brought a few kabobs and we watched A-Team, ate food, and beasted with his roomie Steve, who is mad cool. He said i can borrow some of his tools for my log project. sweet!

since things are moving very slowwwww with ilan and i am always mentally preparing myself for things to come to a sudden end, it's psychologically nice to have met another interesting, mature male. The IP Lawyer, Neil, is a nice distraction, not to mention the fact that ilan and i basically aren't really going to be doing much physical stuff since he voiced his concerns about rushing into that type of stuff. Anyway, the pimp cane done well, even though it was not the smartest thing i've ever done, but it all ended up for the best. shrimpies and pimpies.

tonite i had fun with ilan though, and i got a chance to talk one-on-one with both of his roommates, and i think we're finally entering the non-awkward phase. Wow, i just wrote "faze" instead of phase. Hi, i'm an 8th grade study hall note. hahahaha. i also think that now, it's pretty apparent that im not trying to trap ilan into any sort of commitment, (ESPECIALLY now that there's another man in the mix, gotta keep the options open ya heard?!) Anyway, i feel like our interactions are more relaxed. We may do lunch tomorrow since he's not working but i don't know if that will ultimately work out. Work may be busy tomorrow. fartstains!

ok
time
to go to bed

also barbara wrote me this email about how i was loud last nite apparently, and she's "all for a healthy sex life but needs her sleep." Ok, yes, i am sorry, i forget my bed is squeaky and our walls are thin! BUT, please stop sending me passive aggressive emails. The email started off with some compliment about how the apartment smells good thanks to my cooking, and then she laid in on me. I felt a little off about the whole random hook-up with Neil and then seeing ilan the same day...so when i got home and checked my email in front of barbara and read that shit, i basically just walked away. she knocked on my door to talk and i eventually came out and just said...ok...i was wrong and sorry i made noise, but i don't want to see emails like that, and i don't want to talk about this right now. Sorry, my bad for last night, we can talk about this later.

tomorrow i'm going to call doctors for a physical appointment, and call boxing guy and lowe's about borrowing a saw. Yayyyyy.

(Comment on this)

I live in mortal fear of an Exorcist commercial or pop-up on a website. It is rather crippling. I remember when The Last Exorcism came out, and Perezhilton.com was showing movie stills and trailers all over its homepage. I wanted to beat myself with a stick.

Tonight I am starting my memorization of the former US presidents! I'll do three at a time. The first three are easy. George Washington, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson. Sadly, I didn't know that Jefferson was the third. I mean, I figured he was something between the third and maybe...the seventh? Yes, I am terrible with US History. I am terrible at many 5th grade level things.

Word was rather silly today. First half was spent dicking around on Marines. Finally I finished that shiznit and then got slammed with four other assignments. I am gloriously happy to be busy for a change. Two Cisco projects, (vom...but it has to be done so...whatever), an Align illustration, two mini illustrations for Deb, and SMI content came in. Three features! Shrampies!

Boss lady saw my Marines cover illustration and liked it. HOORAY! I am excited about it, i know i keep mentioning it but I haven't been this proud of something I've done at work in a while.

I came up with a few more weekly themes for my calender. Everday I'll try to create 5 new themes. Ideally, I'd like to have 75, then whittle it down to 52 high quality ones. It's not easy! Everything I think of revolves around crafting a project, or sampling a new food. A lot of the ideas seem to be geared toward other creatives, or females, and I need to make sure there's no shramp left behind. Also, I'm not sure if I'd to have an alcohol themed week here and there. It should be kid-friendly! Though, making one kid friendly inevitably leads me to very adult ideas just to spite myself, which then makes me think I should make a funny, adult calendar full of shrimp-a-licious Marina-isms, and give it to just my friends. But...that's a lot of work, and I'm exceedingly good at stressing myself out with unnecessary projects that I create...for myself. Lordy.

I got a nice envelope for my passport, sealed it up today, so tomorrow i'm going to USPS, butttt i think i shouldn't have sealed it up cuz they may need to place some signature authorization form inside the envelope. D'oh! I'm a turd. We'll see. This seriously must get done tomorrow, I can't put this off any longer. I need to start planning Turkey and I can't do that until I renew this shiz, and it's already January and I also need to get my visa for Turkey.

So the only contact i had with ilan today was a short but nice reply to the pic I emailed him, which included a little cleavage let's just say. I replied something funny back, and that was that. He didn't gchat me all day, didn't hear from him in the evening. There was a Caps home game, I'm sure he went. I went to trivia at Union Jack's with Barbs and her friend John that's visiting from London. He's very nice.

Today at work I decided to reactivate my pimp cane. I just keep getting irrationally upset about this ilan situation, and...it's like... not a fucking big deal but i keep wanting something to happen that would either indicate that he really likes me, or that he's not interested. Being in limbo is really difficult for me. I guess it's been like...7 weeks? That's kind of a long time? No? Am I totally fucking CRAZY? I don't want commitment, just SOMETHING. This is the epitome of being a girl. I'm upset over something intangible and I can't communicate what it is that i desire, but i still manage on bitching and acting dissatisfied. Can somebody please hit me with a "shut the fuck up" stick? or LOG? or a freakin...wrecking ball? jeeeezus.

i also need to get a stupid physical and see a dermatologist. I have creepish white marks on my back. Hypochondria in overdrive! I also have dark circles under my eyes, and my skin gets dry and gross, but i still break out, and i'm kind of sick of it!

I had a very awkward moment at work today. Deb, my boss, had recommended a hair stylist, this dude Ian. I have been going to him for haircuts. Last time I was there, he told me I look just like his wife, (even though I really don't except having dark hair and eyes, I saw pictures, she's all tall and willowy and graceful with loooong pretty hair). SOOO Deb comes in, and in front of all my coworkers says, "I saw Ian today. He was like, that girl that works for you...what's her deal? Why is she so fucking hot?"

......
awkward x 1,000,000
not that i don't appreciate the very nice compliment. I just don't appreciate a compliment on my hotness from a married man, that cuts my hair, recited by my boss, in front of all my coworkers. Instances like these always kind of throw me off, because Ian is definitely not a man that I perceived any ounce of attraction from. Maybe my spidey senses aren't as accurate as I think. Shrampers.

Random trivia: Bohemia is in the Czech Republic.
Also, your mom.

(Comment on this)

You know what quote i really like but sounds so fucking scary that I don't want to post it anywhere? "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Apparently it was Marine recruitment propaganda. Shit son, works for me! Semper Fi! If a dude has that shit tattoo'd in HUGE letters across his chest, best believe he's nuttier than a jar of Jiffy peanut butter! (choosy moms choose Jiff!) But he's probably redonkulous in bed, just sayin...though I don't think that "pain is weakness leaving the body" belongs in the bedroom, that's a bit intense.

cat is sitting on the floor staring at me creepishly. I am staring back. literally, my head is turned and i am not looking at the screen. Stare-off motha fucka! you may have night vision and nine lives...but i just brewed a reallyyy strong cup of coffee. It's on!

you may be asking, why am i at home on monday at noon. Well, first of all, LUNCH BREAK shrampies! But secondly, the past 12 hours were kinda strange. I went to bed, got up, had my usual midnight snack (I seriously need to cut that shit out, new years resolution!), went back to bed, then at 4am I get a text from Kristy that she's not feeling well. Apparently she'd been barfing and having all kinds of bodily nastiness for four hours. I called Dr. Linderman, she gave the green light to go to the hospital. Sooo at 4am one very sleepy shrampy, and one very sickly shrimpy went to the hospital in Bethesda. Checked into the ER, peeska got 3 fuckin Liters of IV fluids, got some bloodwork and stool samples done. Lots of meds and four hours later, we got released. I napped and then went to work. Apparently, Darryl is sick, Robby is sick, and Katie is sick too! I guess something is going around, though they don't seem to be nearly as bad as KP was. I'm a little nervous cuz my stomach is feeling gurgly, but I'll just attribute that to my rampant hypochondria and move on with life. Oddly enough, when there's a true threat of illness, I always convince myself that I'm immune, but when there's some bizarro affliction i read about on Web MD, i am 100% convinced I'm slowly dying of it.

Anyway, I went to work, shramped around, at 11ish I left for CVS to drop off KP's FOUR effin prescriptions, even though my mom strongly disagreed with the need for Cipro. Docs are so goddam antibiotic-happy. Weirds me out. Whatev records. I got her some Pedialyte as per doctor's orders, (and i secretly want to try it, it's apple juice flavored! and there's popsicles!). I got home just in time for my 11:30 phone call with some biznatch from a staffing agency that came across my coroflot profile and wanted to chit chat. She's apparently in the philly office so she's going to transfer my info to the Bethesda office. Contract work!! AWwwww snap! I told her I want freelance illustration shizzles. Hopefully, something good with come out of it. I was emailed a PDF of how my work was shown in that random magazine called One, in Shanghai. They used this stationary I did for the front and back cover, but that shit should not be on covers...cuz....it's fucking STATIONARY. At least the rest of the project looks nice in the inside layouts. Those folks need some layout designers, that's for sure. Buttcakes all ova. My head hurts.

I messaged hot jew on gchat cuz I got tired of waiting for him to contact me. Whatevs, if he's not interested, i want to find out sooner than later because I have been obsessing over him for some reason and it's just not healthy. I realize that I'm impatient and I'm not exactly sure what I WANT at this point. No, that's a lie. What I want is attention from him, if that's what you really want to boil it down to. I don't want a relationship at this stage, or anything remotely addressing commitment or b/f g/f types of things. NO, do not talk to me about that. I just want to be physically in your presence and get to know you. Sigh.

So tomorrow I will get an envelope from FedEx and send off the fucking passport. I wanted to do it today but all this sickness rerouted my plans. No biggie. I should start my new years resolution of memorizing all 50 presidents. Maybe i'll do like, 2-3 a day? Sounds reasonable. I can't wait to start for realsies planning Turkey. I'm so antsy for travel right now. I need something big and life changing. I think 2011 is going to be a year of big things. (that's what she said, BAM). But really, it's going to be a transition year for sure because KP and Barbs are leaving me, so i have to find new roomies, possibly a new job, possibly a new apartment, possibly fucking move to a different city if I find something good enough??? And maybe I'll actually meet someone NORMAL that can hold my attention for more than a month and isn't shady and distant. I'm also going to try and slowly transition closer to a Paleo type of diet. I'm sure it will take years before i can fully get rid of all the old, crap food habits I have, but the past two years were pretty important in improving my diet. My first step is to start ordering more grass-fed beef in bulk from local farms. I know it's the "in" thing to do, but I really do believe in supporting local economies, and I have a tremendous respect for farmers in general. I secretly want to live on a farm...that's 20 mins distance from the city. hahaha.

Maybe this weekend I can finally go to an art museum. I am deprived of culture! the winter has turned me into a hermit. I also need to sit down and make a hilarious list of fake holiday themes for my calendar. I am now convinced that the weekly holiday themes (like high five your boss week), is better than the cute breakfast foods. This will allow me to show more of my sense of humor, and have a wider variety of illustrations. I think food illustrations would get boring. Plus, I'm really sick of googling breakfast foods. Sausages aren't that pretty to look at. (that'sssss what sheeee saiddddddd, thankyouverymuch).

i am sore today. i am also really excited about this simplyshredded.com site, even though most of the workouts have fuck-tarded names, such as, "Boulders for Shoulders workout." To be honest, I don't want my body parts to look like rocks. Rock hard abs, maybe, but i think men's bodies are more suited for the "rock hard" description. (INSERT PENIS JOKE HERE) (get it, double joke! think about it!)

i saw Black Swan and that lesbo scene was really fucking hot. Speaking of me being GAY, I was at arwen's, wearing my "gay pride" shirt (which shows a pride of Lions in pink), and then my PJ shirt was my t-shirt that formerly said FBI but the F fell off so now it just says "BI" in pink, glittery letters. Hellz yeah.

ummmm what else. Eh, i should get to work. I keep meaning to do a reflection of the past year but it's just not happening.

(Comment on this)

weds i went to trivia at saphire with mae, kp, zoogs, and robby. Ilan stopped by, then we met up with him and his friends at another bar, and i crashed at his place. thursday robby brought in these deer jerky sausage to work, SO GOOD. molest fest. thursday night was le tired and napped and watched TV with barbs. friday was new years day!!! hooray hooray. I had a baller workout, KP and did some decorating, hung the hubcap wall, then arthur came over and we made dinner, got ready, took fake prom pix, beasted over to andy's, and partied the night away. Ezugoo and robby, as well as a very drunk darryl and his buddy sean, stopped by. Zoogs, robby and arthur slept at our place and we all went to Eggspectations for lunch. Then I napped and felt all weirdly upset because hot jew took forever to respond to a text and replied very curtly. I HATE BEING A FEMALE. Luckily, barrelicious was beasting with dan and caleb, so i bucketed my ass over there to jizz around and smoke hookah. After our tradition of rolling around on the futon and laughing about fart noises, we went to sleep. Barrel had the best coffee eVER from trader joes, high five on that one. I got lost on the way home, F-U Virginia, and then went to the gym for this pimpy workout I found on simplyshredded.com, hellz yeah son! After the gym, me Mae and Barbs went to see Black Swan. After that Mae and I went to get our grub on at Crisp N Juicy, then me and roomies and Mae watched some of Pride and Prejudice. Now i'm getting ready for bed. okkk boring post, i'm le tired and need sleep!

(Comment on this)