What a difference a year makes.

Last year, at this time, I was going back to work, so so so excited to tell everyone about how I got engaged in Disney World. This year, I'm excited about going back to work and telling everyone that I'm going to be an Aunt come March (don't tell anyone...they haven't told my sister-in-law's family yet...).

But as for the wedding? Well, I'm starting to be afraid that my parents are going to be losing a lot of money on non-refundable deposits. I'm scared that it's not even going to happen, that Mark and I won't make it through the next 9 months, that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I really don't know how it got to this, the constant fighting, arguing, butting heads... We used to be happy. I want to get that back, I want us to be happy again. I can't do that by myself, so it makes it a billion times harder when he won't even talk to me, will barely look at me.

I'm tired. I'm tired of the fighting, I'm tired of the silence, I'm tired of the tears, I'm just tired. I want our old relationship back...the one where we were happy?

I want to be happy. I want to plan a wedding and KNOW that it will last. I want to hold my fiance's hand and not have to feel weird about doing so because I don't know if that's what he wants. I want him to look at me like he used to...like he couldn't get enough of just looking at me, like he loved me.

I want to have an US.

I don't know where that went, but I want it back.

A girl at work was amazed that today is 08/08/08, and for some reason, that got us started on how interesting it would be if that were like and anniversary or something. We came to the decision that the following dates were the best to get married on...10/10/10 (it's a Sunday...yes, we looked it up), and 09/10/11 (a Saturday). Originally, we also included 08/09/10, but that's a Monday and who gets married on a Monday?


Hey, at least I posted something.....................


Disney in 19 days YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even though I have the most amazing boyfriend, I still can help but agree with the person who sent this to postsecret.com



Especially on days like today.

Just because I haven't posted in a while...

Quote meme:
1. Go to http://quotationspage.com/random.php3
2. Read until you find five quotes that speak your truth.
3. Copy them into your journal.

( Here's the ones I picked...Collapse )

And an extra...

For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn--much.
W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman

It was nice to see an extra $600 in my bank account this evening.

It was not as nice to use the majority of it to pay my credit card bill. Granted, I did use the money to buy plane tickets to Orlando for myself and Mark, but still...

Stupid credit card bill...

Oh, and I get to go back to work tomorrow. Going back to work after a week off is no fun. I kinda enjoyed doing nothing for a whole week. Oh no wait...I did stuff this week. My brother and sister-in-law bought a house and I helped them paint and move in this week.

Silly me...how could I forget.

Mark and I just booked a trip to Disney World!!!!

I'm sure I'll be more excited about it when he starts talking to me again (I yelled at him - cause wet willies just don't do it for me - and now he's giving me the silent treatment).

Anyway YAY DISNEY!!!!!

So lately, I've been waking up about an hour before my alarm goes off for no apparent reason. And when I do, I have random songs running through my head. Songs I haven't heard in forever most of the time, too. This morning, when I woke up at 5 am, this was the song in my head.

Ive been crying
cause Im lonely (for you)
Smiles have all turned to tears
But tears wont wash away the fears
That youre never ever gonna return
To ease the fire that within me burns

It keeps me crying baby for you
Keeps me sighin baby for you
So wont you hurry ?
Come on boy, see about me
(come see about me)
See about you baby

Ive given up my friends just for you
My friends are gone
And you have too
No peace shall I find
Until you come back
And be mine
No matter what you do or say
Im gonna love you anyway

Keep on crying baby for you
Im gonna keep sighin baby for you
So come on hurry
Come on and see about me
(come see about me)
See about you baby

Sometimes up
Sometimes down
My lifes so uncertain
With you not around
From my arms you maybe out of reach
But my heart says youre here to keep

Keeps me crying baby for you
Keep on, keep on crying baby for you
So wont you hurry
Come on boy, see about me (come see about me)
See about you baby (come see about me)
You know Im so lonely (come see about me)
I love you only (come see about me)
See about your baby (come see about me)
Hurry, hurry

Yeah. Come See About Me by The freaking Supremes. Seriously? What's wrong with my brain???

Who's got a spare $3,000 so I can pay my tuition this semester?!?!?


...yeah...me neither.

Oh hi, LJ...how are you.


I can't remember to update because I am too busy stalking people on myspace. In the last 15 minutes I found out that 2 of my best friends from HS are married, and one has a baby. It's weird.


Whatever.


I got a 176 on my Praxis exam. That's the one that says, "okay...when you finish school, you can be a certified teacher." Passing is a 141. I did good.


Oh, and happy holidays.