Archive for the family Category

« Older Entries

Flat out

Posted in family, health on March 17, 2026 by jefferyrn

I have come to the conclusion that the only way I will ever have a flat stomach is if I get hit by a car.  But I am still trying. I visited my doctor and found I had gained 10 pounds since she last saw me. Wow!

Of course, I knew the truth, but having it in my chart was scary. She ordered some new blood work and got me a referral for a neurologist.

I went back to see her and went over the results last week.  My blood work was excellent and I actually lost five pounds in those three weeks.  Yeah!

I started walking.  And this week I am back to swimming.  So far so good.  But I am still up ten pounds from this time last year.  I think it is emotional eating.  I know it is night snacking too.  Now I sit with a glass of water and try not to eat while watching shows.

We are currently working our way through Victoria on Netflix.  It is a British series that has three seasons.  Ricky nods off through most of it but I love these historical dramatizations.

The warmer weather makes me happy. 

My sister finally got a ramp.  When we visit  she can get out of her house and go to dinner or bingo.  This makes me happy too.  I stood my ground and didn’t bail her out. She and her son made their own priorities and this ramp finally moved to the top of the list without me flipping the bill.  I love my sister but I can’t let her manipulate me. It was hard.  I almost ordered her a ramp a couple of times. But I realized this would not be helping.

My parents bailed her out for years. I am not stepping into that role and she gets it, surprisingly.

Okay so this has turned into a mix of things.  I will try to write something more focused and interesting next time.

.

1 Comment »

Loneliness part two

Posted in family, pets on February 26, 2026 by jefferyrn

My brother-in-law is being treated for cancer. The treatment has been successful in keeping him alive.  But the quality of that life has changed.

He is still mobile and actually drives himself to the facility for is ongoing procedures. But he has COPD and is on oxygen.  This has limited his ability to do a lot of things he used to enjoy.

Before Christmas his dog had to be put down. The dog also had cancer.  This dog was his joy. He talked to him like a human. They had a route each day. Tricks for treats, a feeding schedule, and playtimes were all part of their day together.

So he got a puppy to replace his beloved dog.  It seemed like this would work.  But the puppy was too much for him to take care of and the routine he had with his old pal was not possible.  His son ultimately took the puppy

Rick texted him the other day to see how he was doing.  He said “Holster” (the dog) had to be put down and I’m okay but lonely.

That’s when we heard about the puppy experiment.  It makes me sad that he is so lonely. He has two children and four grandchildren. But they have their own lives and he doesn’t want to interfere or be a bother to them.

Truth be known he didn’t really participate in their lives when they were younger either. His wife raised them. That relationship needs to change now but it’s hard for all of them to adapt.

I had a thought. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a place where people like him could go and get a pet that was already trained and ready to go? He doesn’t qualify for a guide dog or anything like that, he just needs a companion.

Holster and my brother-in-law

Leave a comment »

Back to basics

Posted in family, health, weight loss with tags , on July 17, 2025 by jefferyrn

We had a nice visit with family in Oklahoma. If only the going and coming weren’t so treacherous.  Next time we will fly. I have seen enough of New Mexico and Texas. Boring drive on route 66. All those roadside attractions have folded that I remember from childhood. The new interstate bypasses most of the communities along the way.   We couldn’t even stand on the corner in Winslow Arizona.  No signs telling you to get off the highway.

I won’t bore you with my family visit.  Suffice to say it was comforting to see them all doing well.  The usual agruments between certain members.  And we spent way too much time around Ricky’s ex-wife. She is an ex for good reason not just because he came out.

The second part of this is being idol and eating too much for nine days lead to weight gain. I was supposed to see the doctor yesterday but I rescheduled to next month.

While we were gone my new meds finally got approved by insurance.  I started Mounjaro Saturday. So another excuse to postpone my check-up.

I am back to the basics, using MyFitnessPal to log my eating and exercise.  I swim every morning and do yoga before dinner.  If I stay on it, I should make some progress to report in August.

And there is that looming Birthday in September. I don’t know why this one is depressing me so much.  65 is just a number. I say bulls#@t.  I feel old.

1 Comment »

Happy Father’s Day

Posted in family on June 15, 2025 by jefferyrn

As I get old I find I need notes on my phone for things I thought I could never forget.  One such file is called Birthdays.  Another (a bit morbid) is called Deaths.

My father passed away in 2019, six years ago.  Normally we would be together in Morro Bay.  I would be hearing the same old stories (only slightly different and more embellished with each telling) about his time in the service, the day I was born, and countless family outings.  I wish I could have written them down in a note, because now my memory fails me on the details.

My (step) granddaughter sent me a Father’s Day card. My Step son did not. He remembers my birthday so I can’t complain too much. Last year he bought me a nice bottle of scotch.

Having no children of my own makes today less significant, especially without my own dad. My sister’s husband died in ’21 so she feels the same way. We are left with our memories and the pain of our losses.

I wonder if anyone will remember me when I am gone. Will I be a note on someone’s phone? I signed up for Medicare, that really makes me feel old.  I will be 65 in September.

Here is my favorite picture of Dad in his Navy  duds.

Here he is with me in 1966, Somerset Pennsylvania.

Rest in peace.

2 Comments »

Losing my religion

Posted in family, holiday, politics with tags on April 19, 2025 by jefferyrn

I don’t talk much about religion. I was raised a Christian. My parents were protestant, but they sent me to a Catholic high school.  Amazingly, in ethics class we learned about all the religions of the world.  The Sacred Heart fathers taught us religious tolerance.

Religious toleration is the acceptance and respect for diverse religious beliefs, practices, and expressions within a society or community.  This is what Americans were supposed to be, but not all.

The reason I bring this up now is a text my eldest granddaughter shared with me:

“Yesterday dad, grandma, Hadley and I were driving together and Hadley said “Emilee and pila don’t go to church. Do they not love god?” And I kinda said sarcastically yeah that’s why I don’t love god. And she was like “tell the truth. Do you love god??? Tell the truth”

We just ignored her and she finally stopped. It was extremely awkward. Very culty “

Oh yeah I almost forget. She also said “what about heaven? You won’t get into heaven if you don’t love god.” I said well oh well and she said “it’s the best place ever “

I asked her did her father say anything?

Nope he literally acted like he didn’t hear a thing!!! Didn’t even flinch

So, some back story here, my step son married into an Evangelical family. He even had to take classes ahead of his wedding to be sure he was suitable.  Then they had a baby and now they all live in Oklahoma next door to his inlaws. Her parents are on one side and his mom is on the other side.  All on the same culdesac.  Yikes!

Anyway, my eldest granddaughter who is almost 30 just moved to the same town in Oklahoma. It was much more affordable than California and she works from home which can be anywhere. She is about a mile from her dad.

I am glad she is there to help her little sister get some exposure outside this cult.  Hadley is 5.

It is a fine line, what she can say without them jumping all over her at this point. But her grandmother is on her side on this one topic at least.

With what these people have done to our country, I am losing my faith as well.

Here was Trump’s Easter message:

This is not the Christian I was taught to be.  There is no tolerance. “If you don’t love God you won’t get into heaven!”.  I think it takes more than that, you need to love your fellow man, your neighbors.  But then again if you move to an all white Evangelical neighborhood you probably do love them.

The hypocrisy of it all.

2 Comments »

Survival

Posted in family, holiday with tags on December 17, 2024 by jefferyrn

Our adventure is over. We got back late Sunday and it took me all day Monday to recover. The plane ride, the strange mattress, the low to the ground rent-a-car, the different furniture, all took there till on my body. This is how I know I am getting older.

Aside from the physical stress there is always the mental stress of being with family.  I was outnumbered by my husband’s family. His brother displays traits of Ricky.  The grandkids too, are a reflection.  It was all too much of the good the bad and the often ugly.  But it was a good time overall.

We spent the last day with just his brother. He is a cancer survivor.  But it has left its mark. He has COPD, gained weight from chemo, on oxygen and doesn’t get around very well for long. He gets winded walking back and forth to the kitchen.

He was glad to see us and wanted an outing to the “Chicken Ranch”, a local Indian casino. (Well it’s about an hour into the hills in Jamestown.)  I am in the back seat listening to them argue about directions to the bank and the restaurant we went to for breakfast. I realized my husband comes by his stubbornness naturally.  It was nice to not be in the middle of it, though they tried to drag me in as referee.

The Indians are doing well. The last time I was in Jamestown, so 15 years ago, it was nothing but a quonset hut bingo parlor. Now it is a fancy casino with a hotel. 

Oh, we did the dinner with family and went to granddaughter’s house to open presents. There was a vet emergency, she has several dogs and cats and one poor fellow lost a toenail and was bleeding up and down the carpeted hallway when we arrived. A little chaos but he was okay. And the rest of the evening went down without a hitch.

I tell you about the bad parts here because I need to let it all go.

Not sure how many Christmases I have left so I need to enjoy them now.

1 Comment »

Family matters

Posted in Christmas, family with tags on December 12, 2024 by jefferyrn

We leave for Modesto early tomorrow morning, to spend time with our oldest granddaughter, middle granddaughter and great grandson before Christmas.  We won’t be seeing our son and his new family this year ( youngest granddaughter is 5 already!) because they moved to Oklahoma. That’s a summertime trip.

Yesterday I wrapped and packed all the gifts to be mailed to Oklahoma.  Wow, postage is high, but still cheaper than a flight (not that we were invited!).

We aren’t driving to Modesto this time either. It’s too much time on the road, so we are flying to Sacramento and renting a car to drive down to Modesto. That’s about an hour and a half versus nine hours with stops from here in Palm Desert.

One suitcase is half presents. The other half is pillows. We are staying with Rick’s brother and he has lousy pillows. Crazy maybe, but worth it. Plus Southwest doesn’t charge extra.

It will be a mini family reunion for Ricky with his brother and niece and nephew also coming to dinner with the grands.  I only have a sister and again, that’s a summertime trip.

I have an uncle in Pennsylvania, but he is a religious nut and doesn’t approve of my lifestyle. Strangely, he did wish me a happy birthday back in September, but I want nothing to do with him.

So this weekend is our Christmas celebration. Then we will just get together with new friends here in town. Probably spend Christmas at home or in a restaurant.

Merry Christmas ⛄🎁

1 Comment »

United we stand

Posted in family, friends, politics with tags , , on November 9, 2024 by jefferyrn

If we can’t unite as neighbors, how can we possibly unite as a country? If we can’t unite within our own families and circle of friends we can’t move forward as a nation.

What does this mean? It doesn’t mean that we agree on everything. It doesn’t mean that we accept everything either.  It means we find things we can agree on and put those things into action.

It’s a tall order, this idea called common ground. It’s simple yet extremely hard to accomplish. Emotions, fears, financial issues, trusting and past experience hold us back.

We need to listen to each other and not just think of a rebuttal. We need to hear what people tell us and understand why they have those opinions.  If you don’t know and understand what your differences are you can’t possibly change them or come up with agreeable solutions.

We need to do this at home, in our neighborhoods, and our environments at work, and our communities.  We cannot live in isolation and expect things to happen.

I know it sounds good on paper and getting out there and exposing ourselves is exhausting and scary.  But if we don’t, if we remain complacent, we lose control of our future and fear wins.

1 Comment »

Your song

Posted in family with tags on November 6, 2024 by jefferyrn

I heard this on the radio this morning and it reminded me of high school. One of the priests sang this and played guitar at a morning mass in the gym.  Must have been  Good Friday.

Anyway, it reminded me of how far we have come.  It offers hope. At least that’s what I hear in the lyrics.

1 Comment »

Dreams are on fire

Posted in family, first relationship with tags on September 30, 2024 by jefferyrn

My dreams last night were haunted with the past. Some forty years ago I had a relationship with a guy who turned out to be a firestarter.  I may have told some of this story before, but the parts that are fresh in my mind this morning are from this dream.

To me this man was sweet, charming, and physically attractive.  He was an unemployed hairdresser.  I know it’s a stereotype, but he was no flaming queen (Well in a sense maybe he was, come to think of it, but not in that way.)

He had blonde curly hair, tan and trim, soft spoken, and a smile that drew you in to explore more of the man.  Okay, now this was a dream and I was only twenty-two years old so allow me some fantasy.

In the dream, I was remembering our apartment that my parents co-signed on.  He painted murals on the living room and dining room walls. He also painted several canvases that hung on the other walls.  It helped fill up the emptiness, both in the room and I suspect now in him too.

I didn’t know the arsonist. In fact, I couldn’t imagine him in that role. When I read it in the paper, he came through with a total denial and explanation that at the time I was willing to believe.

Let’s just say I have a very real understanding of people who live in alternate realities.  This dream jumped from our happiness to the day I asked him to move out.  My mother was there to help support my decision.  I could see her stern face.

I think I had this dream because her heavenly birthday was just a few days ago.  My mother was not terribly affectionate. But she was always there for me. 

There was a time shortly after this when she discovered or maybe just confirmed that I was gay and we had a few strained years. But that’s not part of this dream.

I have wondered what happened to this man. I have also feared that he would try to find me again and perhaps harm me or my family.  I couldn’t really believe that he would harm me on purpose, but there was that arsonist side that could burn the house down with me in it.

At this point I am sure he is dead. If not he is pushing 80 and doesn’t remember me at all.

I think my brain has filed him away as a good memory.  We worked together that summer rebuilding my car, painting houses, and enjoying life. These are the memories I want to keep.

Those and that my mother let me have those experiences even though she truly didn’t approve. She protected me the best she could by being there to pickup the pieces.

1 Comment »

« Older Entries
Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started