How a Pair of Shoes Can Change Your Day…

Posted on September 9, 2025 by janieleeds

I know this sounds random and maybe it is. But I was cleaning out my closet (or better said, trying to put some clothes away for the change of seasons) and when I was looking at my sandals and thinking that it’s almost time for them to go away until next year, suddenly I came across a black bag that was in my shoe closet. Hmm…what in the world?

And then, I opened it and the biggest smile spread across my face!! OMG! My sandals that I bought myself at a boutique in Europe many years ago!! I have to tell you that I jumped for joy and smiled and giggled and…you get the picture don’t you?

Now you may be shaking your head wondering why in the heck Janie would act so giggly and girly over a pair of sandals that she’d obviously forgotten in the back of her closet…but now was gaga over?

Because of the memories I have associated with them….I bought them on a whim because they were totally not my style and yet, they were the style of me when I was young and free. Red bottoms and comfy, yet stylish, and they had that ‘je ne sais quoi’ quotient about them. How could I have forgotten I bought them and fell in love with them so many years ago? How could I have let myself down and not taken them out to wear at least once every summer? How could I have made myself that small as to have forgotten who I once was???

I think that’s the key – how the hell could I have forgotten who I once was?

How could I have allowed the years to bury me? I’m not dead yet. Why the heck have I been acting like it?

Sure the kids today might say it’s a trauma response and it probably is, but I’m a GenX girl and proud of it. Trauma? Nah. That’s just the way it was back then. I think it’s more of a betrayal response which I need to get over and move on from as I don’t want the ex back and now that the kids are older, I need to get a life. (Well, I’ve need to get one for as long as I’ve been writing here but that’s another story).

So…it’s not tooo late and I’m gonna wear those sandals…thank goodness it’s still warm enough for sandals…and yes, I’m wearing them today! Look out world. I’ll be the one smiling like a fool and glowing with the secret that

yes, a pair of shoes can change your day!

Posted in #womenofacertainage, inspiration, midlife wisdom, Untamed | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Overcoming Driving Anxiety

Posted on August 14, 2025 by janieleeds

Becoming less comfortable seems to be the name of the game for me these days. Even though I’m still a little sick, I had to venture out and drive somewhere unknown which wouldn’t have been too bad, but it was a lot of highway driving with big trucks and I’m just not used to that anymore. I used to be fearless with driving – hop in the car and just go – even before navigation but with it? I was triumphant because I usually can get lost easily! LOL

But today was a different story. I guess I’ve allowed myself to become smaller over time and not venturing out as much, so it was a big shock there for awhile when the tractor trailers were zipping by at top speeds by me. At one point I remember just humming – loudly – to keep myself on the road and focused because I wasn’t quite sure where to turn even though the navigation was working.

I got myself all jumbled up into a slight panic and anxious. Fearful of the drivers nearby and of missing a key turn even though if my brain hadn’t gone all wonky, I would have remembered that the navigation tells me where/when to turn and if I miss it, it’s not a problem because it will help me to get back on track with little disturbance.

Has this ever happened to you? It’s not happened to me before now and I was quite shocked! I guess I have to ‘get out there’ a bit more these day because this playing small and not getting out of my comfort zone more often is detrimental – especially because there’s nobody to pick up the pieces if I don’t do them! That’s part of the not-so-fun lifestyle of a divorced mama who is alone.

There are times I miss being part of a couple and being taken care of by someone else. I always loved being the caretaker as well – making special dinners, surprising him with something unexpected and seeing that smile when it happened. But it’s been a long while since someone has taken care of me. That innate hyper independence factor isn’t fun at all and it’s hard to break. But I’d love a chance to meld with someone again. Not just for a driver because I could get an uber driver if necessary. But to be part of a couple again? Yes, I think I’d like to try that again.

Wow…hmm…it’s been awhile since I’ve thought that…not sure if it’s just the memory that I’ve conquered the scary moments earlier today or if it’s that I’d like to venture out and perhaps try to find a relationship that works…I guess time will tell.

In the meantime I’ll stop sitting on my laurels and get out of my comfort zone more often because I don’t want to deal with that driving anxiety like I did today – that wasn’t fun even though I did accomplish it!

Posted in #womenofacertainage, dating after 50, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Sunday Funday

Posted on August 10, 2025 by janieleeds

Well, it would be a funday if I were feeling better, but unfortunately I’ve caught a cold? (hopefully that’s all it is) or allergies and it’s kicked my butt for lack of better terms. I think I’ve just been so busy with hustling off to here and there recently that my body just got tired out and the only way to stop me in my tracks is to get sick. I’m just grateful that it’s just cold symptoms and nothing worse. But I don’t like it.

I don’t like to be sick – let’s face it, I don’t think anyone does really. It’s not a whole lot of fun, but I seemed to have been burning the candle at both ends, running here and there, taking care of friends etc. so maybe this was just my reminder to stay home, behave and take care of myself.

In the meantime, I’ve watched lots of Netflix lol and puttered around my house. I’m not bored enough to clean though so that’s interesting. Well, let me be clear, I’m too tired to do it and I haven’t interest since nobody’s coming over to the sick house.

But the younger kid took pity on me and cleaned up his mess for which I was grateful. I guess seeing ol’ mom sick and unable to keep up with the daily routine spiked something in him to help (albeit he’s more likely than the older one). So that’s a good thing. Always gotta look on the bright side…

I hope your Sunday is a Funday and that you enjoy the sunshine today! Get outside and feel that fresh air! Chat again soon!

Posted in health, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Blog Changes the World By Bonding!

Posted on August 8, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?
View all responses

Oh, let me explain this one, at least in my humble opinion…I want my blog to be read as a connection between people – whether it be between you (the reader) and me or connections as in we’re part of a group or we’re in a similar place in life…however we bond, that’s my favorite!

I’m divorced with 2 kids in their mid/upper 20’s. I’m ‘authentically 50″ (not quite 60) and this is who I am. I love to connect with people and to learn from others. I’ve been blogging for a long time and while it has ebbed and flowed over the years, I find there’s more to talk about these days, so here I am!

I’d love it if my blog would help someone through their relationship, their divorce (because I’ve been there, done that) or help them to understand narcissism. In a small way or in a big one, I don’t care as change seems to be helpful when what you’re currently doing/thinking isn’t working for you!

I’m tired of trying to please others. I’m at that point that I want to please myself, be myself, authentically me – instead of trying to fit in when that’s not me. Not that I don’t fit in during some situations because I do. I’m not a complete oddball! LOL

Why do you write your blog?

Posted in #womenofacertainage, divorce, inspiration, midlife wisdom, Single Parenting, the daily post | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Boundaries or Laziness?

Posted on August 7, 2025 by janieleeds

One of the kids is in therapy. He’s got an anxiety disorder and asked to be put in an outpatient facility to work on the issues that he’s having. He feels like he’s had to father himself for the last 10 years since his dad left and we divorced. And I get that for sure. His dad walked away – “I don’t want to do this anymore” was his famous line and off he went. He barely stayed in touch with the kids and they’ve lived with me which was fine because he was a bully of a disciplinarian and having grown up with my own father being one, I didn’t need another one in my life so I was always defending the kids just to offset his manner of discipline. Not a good time in my life.

But I asked the kid to pick up his room as recycling goes out this week. I gently reminded quite a few times, but he didn’t do it. So when the recycling had to go out, I went to his room and removed the empty water bottles and soda cans along with some trash. I didn’t touch anything that I wasn’t sure was trash as I didn’t want to overstep, but I was tired of looking at empty bottles littering the floor after having asked for a week straight.

And I’m sorry if you don’t agree, but I stand by my decision to do it. He wasn’t home so I just went in to do it. My intention was that he would be relieved. But instead? I got a lecture about ‘rescuing him’ and how it doesn’t help him when I go beyond the boundaries of cleaning his room. HUH???

But at 11pm at night because he’d just gotten home from his girlfriend’s house, I wasn’t about to start a fight, but what the hell? Rescuing him? Yes, that’s me paying for his therapy for the last few weeks and not telling him to get a job. But cleaning up? That’s not rescuing. That’s my patience has run out and I want the house clean. I’ll give you that perhaps it’s pushing boundaries, but since he doesn’t contribute financially to the household and lives for free here and is mid-20’s so perfectly capable in my book to work at least part-time even with the anxiety (sorry I know it sounds mean), I’m tired of being everybody’s checkbook when I’m not flush with capital like his dad.

It’s a tough go ’round for sure. In my day, my father would have called it simple laziness. There’s no anxiety in picking up empty water bottles that litter your floor of your room at some point during a week when you’re being asked daily. Back in my day, there would have been zero patience, boundaries weren’t even a thing because if you lived in the home, you had no boundaries, and frankly I would have been smacked for not having done it when he told me to do it the first time.

So, can you see how hard it is for me to be patient with the anxiety when I’m a single parent and my own role model back in the day expected you to do what he said right away and if not, then smack!?!

For the record I’ve never hit my kids. I hated being hit so I never did it. It’s humiliating and unnecessary in my book. But this psychobabble about ‘rescuing him’ because I picked up the recycling that needed to be put out? Nope. I don’t get it.

Can you explain it to me? Am I being obtuse? Of course, I haven’t said this to him because I want him to be able to feel good about using the ‘conflict resolution tips’ he’s learning (he told me that too that he’s practicing those and making boundaries).

Any suggestions?

Posted in #womenofacertainage, midlife wisdom, Parenting Kids in their 20's, Single Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Friends4Ever

Posted on August 6, 2025 by janieleeds

I have a few girlfriends (not in the romantic sense) who have seen me through a lot in my lifetime. Some are from only a decade ago while others are longer. The one I was talking with last night, we span 40 years of friendship since we were college roomies. To me that seems impossible. Seriously? In my head, I’m in my 40’s (or ’round about that age) so how can it be we met 40 years ago?

Time is passing by quickly…at least for me. How about you?

Am I the only one who doesn’t think that she’s her actual age? In my mind, in my head, I’m in my 40’s (not my 30’s mind you, I’m not totally delusional!)! But to think that I’m nearing 60? WTH? What the heck????

And then, on the other hand, I don’t really care about my age. I am who I am and that’s enough for me. It’s just a numbers game anyway. I would rather count the living I’ve done than the years because some of the years, well, I didn’t do anything. It was just a year that I lived. Nothing special.

Except as I grow older I realize that those types of years are precious because nothing horrific happened and I was able to just enjoy my time here on earth. And I’ve known so many who have passed before me who would have loved to have enjoyed ‘a nothing special year’ with family and friends.

Let that sink in…when you think that your life is boring…there are worse scenarios.

So, I’ve decided to host a get together with a few friends in 2 weeks. Why? Because lately we’re all fighting some type of difficulty and I don’t think we do enough to celebrate that we’re still here, still friends, still able to enjoy the day. I haven’t decided what to call it, but if you have any suggestions, please comment! I’d love to read them!

Friends4Ever (remember when we used to write this way?) LOL

Posted in #womenofacertainage, finding happiness at 50, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

Typical? Not Quite…

Posted on July 29, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
Was today typical?
View all responses

To be fair, it was already planned that we were going out on the boat today. We had scheduled properly last week as well, but the seas were too choppy. And we’d done it before – many times in fact! Lucy and I would plan to meet at the marina and grab a boat and take it out – we’d see if they’d notice that we borrowed one of the boats…Funny thing is sometimes they did and sometimes they didn’t!

Because who can resist the team of Lucy and Janie when we put on our charms? LOL

Today we reserved the boat, so we weren’t being naughty. It was a hot one out there and full of jellyfish – you know the icky ones with long tentacles? So we didn’t swim, but we drove around and just enjoyed the view for awhile. Then, we got in trouble. Well, not exactly bad trouble, but we went through a ‘no wake zone’ a little fast and got the call from the marina (they were watching us?!) so we slowed wayyy down and putt-putted through the zone. We came back slowwwwly so we didn’t get in trouble once we got to the dock.

Lucy and I go way back in friendship. I was telling her about Ken – you know the guy my friend wanted to fix me up with – the one who wanted to go hiking? BLECH…Lucy suggested that I ask him out on the boat with her hubby. Apparently Ken has a sailboat so I’m figuring he might enjoy it. We thought we could do a 3 hour tour (hopefully not ending up like the show Gilligan’s Island) and maybe a dock and dine – and watch the sun begin to set. What do you think?

I was thinking that it would be a good one to have as a first date. Lucy’s husband is a great guy who gets along with everyone and Lucy and I have a good friendship. Do you think it’s a weird thing to put out there as a first date? Ken offered to come down to my area (he’s over an hour north of me) and because he has a sailboat, maybe he’d be into seeing the area from a motor boat?

What do you think? I actually was thinking it might be fun…but this is sooo not a typical day for me planning for a maybe first date with a guy I’ve never met. Hmmmm

Posted in dating after 50, finding happiness at 50 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Describe Me?

Posted on July 28, 2025 by janieleeds
Daily writing prompt
How would you describe yourself to someone?
View all responses

I got my butt kicked again this morning already before 8am! Well, not necessarily kicked, but an attitude readjustment which goes along with the daily prompt so let me explain.

This post awhile back https://authentically50.wordpress.com/2025/06/21/new-beginnings-with-the-solstice/ was about Ken whom I still haven’t met and yes, it’s on me. I’ll admit I’m a little gun shy these days and while he’s kind of vetted by my friends, I’m still not entirely sure I want to date someone who lives that far from me.

But it was my friend who described me today and it threw me for a loop…and it seems like I keep getting the same message in different ways over and over again, but I’m not actually learning. Because the girl I am today has been beat down over the years and my ‘story’ has been all about it. The heartbreak, the sadness, the poor little Janie me.

And yet, I wasn’t always this way. I had verve – I had spontaneity, I was the girl who flirted with everyone and loved it. I felt good in my body and didn’t have a problem with a little smooch here and there. That is the girl that my friend talked about this morning and asked where the heck that Janie’s been? And I have to ask myself the same question.

So here’s how ideally I’d describe myself to someone:

Janie is authentically herself. She’s not putting on airs for you. She used to be a spitfire, but has mellowed with age so be patient please as she is slowly returning. She’s a work in progress. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Petite stature with a few extra pounds that she’s slowly working off. Janie is in that transitional phase of being a mom and being a single gal and not quite sure how to navigate it all yet. She loves animals and people. Talks to strangers and makes friends easily. Prefers wine over whiskey and going to a restaurant over cooking dinner. LOL Janie’s a loyal friend and she’s got your back. Her family and friends are really important to her so you’ll have to get in line to warrant being number one in her book. She’s looking for you so be prepared. Her standards are tough, but then she holds herself to similar standards. She’s spiritual and believes in signs, horoscopes and angel cards. She loves to laugh and be silly. She’s seen a lot of heartache, but that doesn’t stop her from loving people. She can present well when needed, but otherwise just likes to be comfortable. She’s over 50, still shy of 60 and back in her heyday was a world traveler. She’s the girl who notices the sky – stars at night especially. A dreamer and not always in reality which is her superpower and at times, deficit. Janie loves to smile, to laugh and to write. Super affectionate. Loves to hug and be hugged. Enjoys helping people when she can and she’s the girl who returns the cart in the grocery store parking lot without thinking twice.

How’s that? Ok, so now it’s your turn…

Posted in #womenofacertainage, dating after 50, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, midlife wisdom, the daily post | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

It’s All in Your Perspective

Posted on July 27, 2025 by janieleeds

I don’t know how I’m feeling today. My brother and I had another one of our ‘talks’ and I need to process it, so here I am. No holds barred. Ready for bare honest truthfulness about how I’m currently feeling? Here it goes…

I truly dislike when someone begins a sentence with: You may not like this, but you need to hear it. Blech. Arggg…no thanks. Really. I don’t want to hear what’s coming next out of your mouth because it’ll be condescending, thatched with lines like “It’s for your own good, I love you enough to tell you this” and all sorts of other BS that the speaker believes will soften whatever put downs they’re about to tell you that’s wrong with you with ‘love’ and ‘caring’ and of course, ‘in your best interest.’

I guess it was my fault because I started it. I told him what a great backyard he’s got at his house (because we were sitting out there). I was complimentary, telling him how our parents would be proud of all he’s accomplished over the years and how lucky I was feeling to see it. To share it with him and I was smiling and just enjoying the wine and the summer’s evening. We rarely get a chance to just talk the two of us so it was a sweet sibling moment. I truly meant what I said and I wasn’t buttering him up. I was just being honest. But it bit me in the *ss. Because the tirade that followed was unexpected and stung me.

“Money doesn’t grow on trees. I worked hard for this. I sacrificed time with my family in order to have this. I work 7-7 most days, even longer! in order for you to have your lucky butt here. Thanks for the compliment, but it didn’t come without so much sacrifice that when I look back on my life, I’m not sure it’s worth it.”

I sat wide-eyed looking at him, not sure what to say except that I was sorry? He barely noticed my raised eyebrows and continued on this tirade for a good twenty minutes longer about how he’s overwhelmed with work, with family and can’t take it anymore because it’s all come at such a price. His unhappiness. Working so that he could afford all the country club stuff, the high-priced university fees, the ‘accoutrements’ (that’s my word) of living such a fancy life because that’s what he enjoys, that’s what is expected of a man in his position.

I sat quietly and listened. Nodding appropriately and just watching how he was reacting to what I thought was a compliment to him, but instead, one that twisted his balls into into the above soliloquy and more…

Watching him down the whiskey, I didn’t dare say anything. I felt like he needed someone to hear him say these things aloud. I didn’t feel like he was suicidal (thank goodness), but that he was tired, overwhelmed and just needed a break. So, I sat with him quietly, allowing him to purge it all. But then, just as I was beginning to relax because I thought he’d run out of steam…it took an ugly turn that I wasn’t expecting.

I worry about you too. How are you going to support yourself financially? Why aren’t you working more? Do you want your kids to have to take care of you when you’re old? What are you doing? I made a spread sheet for your finances and you never said anything. I don’t want to have to take care of you when you’re old. That’s not fair to me and to my family especially when you don’t seem to give a damn. You’re not my responsibility and yet, I can’t stop worrying about your financial future. Seriously. We could live another 30 years and then started spouting all of these numbers that were jumbled in my brain. He was angry. One minute fearful, the next essentially telling me that I am a lazy girl and haven’t sacrificed enough to get a backyard so I’m piggy backing on the fruits of his tremendous labors which I don’t participate in and by the goodness of his heart, he’s allowing me to sit out there and enjoy the drink (I bought my own wine and I bought our shared take out dinner) and night air with him.

Damn…I guess that’s how he really feels. “You may not like this…” Ah no, I don’t like it, but I am staying quiet. I know how these things can escalate if I make a wrong move. Mind you, I don’t ask him for anything ever. I am not in the same financial place that he is now. I once was in a similiar position when I was married for a time, but not now. I’m simple and I like it. I don’t need private planes, cleaning ladies (I wouldn’t say no if someone wanted to clean my house!), fancy dinners and designer clothing. I get it that it comes at a price. I paid that price with my marriage, but now I’m on my own. “Poverty stricken” was another phrase my brother used when he was telling me what I need to know and how he sees me. He hates that I’m not working myself to death in order to do things that are expected by him. But I’m not interested in golf or the country club. I shy away from all that mess. I like to be with authentic people, not the ones who are looking down their noses at each other with disdain and judging people when they’re wearing last season’s designer duds. And that’s a broad generalization of country club people – I know a bunch who aren’t like that at all.

Then he continued on with how his wife feels badly that I haven’t invited them over to dinner at my place and I’ve been here a few years. Honestly I was caught off guard as she’s never really been interested in seeing my place and I never thought about asking them over for dinner because I haven’t had anyone over for dinner. I just don’t do that anymore. I hosted holidays for years for the families when I was married, but I don’t do it now. He hosts now so he can drink at home and not have to drive the family back from my place and it’s fine. I don’t mind. It’s wayyy easier on me to not have to serve up a grand spread. But now his wife is saying I don’t invite them over for dinner and she’s upset about it? Argggg. I can’t win.

So I stayed quiet. I nodded in agreement at the appropriate times. I really felt badly for him, but at the same time, I felt like I was bitch-slapped with my failings according to him and it didn’t feel good. I’m not sure where we can go from here and I haven’t reached out this morning to see if he has a hangover (because I bet he does).

It’s not the first of these conversations where I’ve been told things ‘for my own good’ but this one was over the top. He resents that I don’t work like he does. He’s always had this inner drive to outdo everyone and I’ve seen how it’s made him relentless in his pursuits. It’s like there’s a competition there even though I’m not competing. Do I worry about my finances? Yes. But I’ll deal with it. Unfortunately, he doesn’t think me smart enough or I guess I’m too lazy to work in order to do what he thinks I’m supposed to do. And I do know that at his core, he loves me and wants the best for me. He’s not trying necessarily to drag me down, but he wants to jar me into a wake up call so that I do what he thinks I should according to his worldliness. And apparently like his kids, I’m not up to par and I’m lacking.

It must be really hard to be in his brain. That’s why as much as I want to yell at him and tell him off for saying mean things to me, I know it comes from insecurity, and from the caring brother who does worry about his sister who’s divorced and doesn’t have a lot of money. But I wish he had a better way of expressing it.

I’d prefer a ‘take my hand’ and let’s look at the situation together. Would you like a little help? I’d be happy to see what we can do for you…instead of a tirade to make himself feel better and me to feel disrespected. But such is our dynamic at the moment.

Thanks for letting me vent. I’m going to go on with my day and see if he reaches out. Knowing him, he will later this afternoon when he hasn’t heard from me. I’m not playing cat and mouse, I’m just a little miffed still and don’t want to talk with him.

I hope your Saturday night was good!

Posted in divorce, midlife wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments