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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in
ash1rose's LiveJournal:
| Sunday, December 5th, 2004 | | 12:47 am |
Self-Destructive
So...I came to this conclusion; I am insanely self-destructive. I mean, I just realized this I guess not even a month ago. Okay, so I smoke for one thing, nothing in and of itself, but I always swore that I would never smoke. Commerce changed that, and speaking of those sorry bitches, I got my yearly raise...a whopping 26 fucking cents! Needless to say, I'm quitting after the New Year. There are just some things that a person cannot take. I love all the people I work with, all the tellers and the CSRs (that's customer service reps for you laymen), but that place is run like shit. What the hell was I saying, oh yeah, self-destructive, whatever, the smoking thing, it's terrible, moving on...this was a really pointless journal entry, I should try to do better. I'm finished with boys; it's not like I haven't said this like 50 times, but each time I say it, I hope that my resolve with strengthen. Oh, fact about Ash Rose: she hates to look like an idiot. My main goal in life has become the avoidance of looking stupid, and I go through great lengths in order to accomplish this. I try to never put myself into situations where I'll look like an idiot, and I've succeeded so far in that, however, I still have no luck with boys, and it gets frustrating when you see everybody else getting...SOMETHING, but not exactly what they want, but something, and when you're stuck in the desert, you'll take any drop of water. Poetic? Maybe. Morbid? Sure. Can someone hit rewind so that I can start this whole fucking life over again, and hope that maybe next time I'll get it right. ...God damn, I sound so fucking whiny, and I really need a cigarette... Current Mood:  discontent | | Tuesday, November 30th, 2004 | | 12:42 am |
| | Sunday, November 28th, 2004 | | 7:27 pm |
The Infamous Kissing Poem
So...someone has asked for a poem (namely Thene whom I love who is so far away right now, *sigh*), and I generally do what I'm asked, so I will give you this poem that I wrote about a month ago that I decided to submit to my poetry workshop class. It didnt' go over as well as I was hoping, but I'll let you, the good people of the Net give your opinion. Bang, it comes, A surprise from above, A kiss that will set your breath swirling. An open-mouthed treat, too delicious to eat, That will tingle your tongue until morning. It swivels inside, Grows deeper and dives, To that sensuous, soft, shared sensation, Then sharpens desire to bubbling fire, In the lip-to-lip invocation. With a swirl, let it end, Take a breath, then again. As you ponder a new revelation, Close your eyes to begin, Let the moment sink in, When you search for the taste of salvation. Do you know that after I let people see this that Saturday I got caught in the midst of what I considered the equivalent of a high school make out party? No lie, I ended up making out with seven different people, I'm such a whore...not really. Oh, and this is actually the improved version of this, the first one wasn't as good (at least that's what I think). Anyway, now you see my poetry writing prowess (for what it is). Title? I don't know, I'm open to suggestion (SnoopMelly, I already know your idea you silly girly:p) Meh, it's late and I'm supposed to be at the gates of Hell (Commerce Bank) tomorrow morning at 8 I think...so I leave you all with best wishes for the morrow. Current Mood:  sleepy | | Monday, November 22nd, 2004 | | 11:05 pm |
Karma
You know...I was planning all day what I was going to write for my journal entry. It was going to be all sad and frustrating cause well, I've been a little down, so this space was going to be filled with my whole spiel about how I'm sick of being alone and all that shit, but today, I've deicided to write about karma. So...I drove Mary back home this morning (she lives on South Campus, any West Chesterian knows what I'm talking about), and when we got there, she realized that she'd left her keys at my apartment. Well, it was 6:55; I had to be at work at 7, therefore running back to my apartment and than back to hers was out of the question. So, it was decided that I would go to work, she would take my car, get her keys, and pick me up at 3:30ish (later rather, because I rarely if ever get off of work on time). I'm iffy about letting people drive my car when I'm not with them, just because my baby has her quirks, like shutting off in the middle of turns and intersections because, well like so many of us, she has problems, but there was really no other alternative. It was kinda dark this morning, so I'd turned my headlights on. Anyway, I was terrified that I would get a disastrous phone call from Mary that something was wrong, she'd gotten hurt, pulled over (expired inspections stickers, nice...). Lo and behold, my phone rings around 2. The car won't start. I can't talk at the moment, I'm in the drive through, customers don't take kindly to people on cells during their transactions. So I hang up and say fuck it, calling her back moments later. The power locks no longer work and the car does nothing. So...basically, I'm in tears in the drive through, at work, looking like an idiot. But I don't care. This is the second time that my car has done this to me, and I JUST bought a new batter, so something else has to be wrong. Anyway, Katie and Mary pick me up, and I find out that Mary forgot to turn the lights off. Okay, as weird as this sounds, I was fucking relieved, because the car didn't just die, and yeah, it's shit, but it's not random "the universe/God is out to get me" shit. We get a battery, Mary pays for it, and I feel kinda bad about that, even though, I guess it's fair, but meh, that's how I am...one problem, I can't think of anyone who can put it in for me. I go through my phone thinking "Okay, gay, gay, in Jersey, gay, gay, female, gay, in Philly" so forth, until I get to Patrick. Pat is my boss (technically), but he, when your drowning, you'll grab the first piece of wood you see. I call the boy up and get him to come over. The next episode involves us not being able to get the battery out for lack of a vice grips. I spot two guys walking across the parking lot, and ask if either of them has the needed tool. One comes back and I notice he's wearing a Sear's Auto Service shirt, and think "Yes, I did something right!" So Silver (car's name, campy, sure, but she's named for what she used to be, not for what she is, a fading grey Mercury Station wagon. Hey, she's a Sable, that's gotta count for something...) is fixed. Now, not an hour ago, my other friend Burt calls, in crisis, the bus never came, so it's Ash Rose to the rescue, because how could I not? Katie, Mary, Pat, and Sear's dude all helped me out, I'd be spitting in the universe's eye if I didn't return the favor. So, yes, I do believe in karma. Sure, this could all just be a series of random events...but I don't believe in coincedence, and nothing is really random... So, I filled up Katie's gas tank, Mary bought me the batter, I have to proofread one of Pat's papers, and I pick Burt up from Exton. Maybe karma is just a series of favors, or maybe it's friendship with conversation thrown in. Yeah, trite I guess, maybe tomorrow I'll give you guys some poetry...ooh, the Infamous Kissing Poem, that'll be a good journal entry:) Current Mood:  contemplative | | Friday, November 19th, 2004 | | 6:56 pm |
Friday at the bank
So, today I worked (as usual), at the most evil/moronic bank in the entire universe, known and unknown: Commerce. Words cannot express my utter loathing of this pulsating, festering wound upon the face of the planet. I HATE Commerce...so, that being said, today is Friday...Friday at a bank is absolutely ridiculous, more so because the bank I work at is understaffed for the amount of transactions that we do. I do not consider myself a bank teller. I am a person who works as a bank teller; there is a difference. I am many things, but I am not a bank teller. The title is misleading, I'm not going to spend it talking about the bank, since I don't define myself with the bank. I'm going to talk about myself. I want to change something. So many people have mistaken me for someone else, which kinda makes me sad, because well, I guess I'm not that unique looking (now granted the whole reason that I've even had sex is because someone who looks like me was spotted in Allentown, but that's neither here nor there), and yeah, I don't have to be world stoppingly beautiful, but it's nice to think that I'm kinda okay looking (yeah, I have unresolved high school issues, who doesn't?), and I actually got myself to the point where I was like "Hey, I'm not bad looking," but I don't know. I need to change something. The only thing is, I don't know what. I AM getting my tongue pierced, soon, but I don't know if that's going to do it. I just want to be...different. Sometimes all I want is to wake up and have a diffrent life, not different friends of course, I love each and every one of you dearly, but...a different life. Meh, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I don't want to be a different person, but...something just has to change. Current Mood: contemplative | | Thursday, November 4th, 2004 | | 10:04 pm |
Saturday Night
So...where do I begin in this rant about my life? I suppose, I should open my journal with something exciting, and the most interesting thing to date would be Jennie's Halloween party. Besides all of the soul-seering revelations that a great deal of us experienced, I made out with 7 people. Ah, 7, the magic number. This would be less exciting if it wasn't for the fact that I haven't had anything like that happen in almost two years (I'll have to tell you my virgin story later...) Bleh, I paused too long between story telling, and now I'm too tired to do on. But hopefully this in tintillating enough for you to come back to my journal and pray that I'll continue it. Current Mood:  blah |
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