Because I have no life apart from making icons, playing fatal frame, playing the sims, and...eating.  :)

Er, and reading gay manga.

bored, strange urge to post up old fics to my fic community and advertise it on the junjou page...want to write fanfic, wish I had the drive to do so again.

was feeling pretty eh-ish until I saw my awesome moodset.  yeaaaaah boy.

8:08

bored. JUST REMEMBERED GONNA DO MY MOODSET NOOWWW

9:21

AH HAH!  I GOT MAH EGOIST MOOD SET. WHAT NOW BITCHEEEEEEEES.

(god that took forever.  but  worth it? yes.)

So now I'm watching Junjo DVD.  It's on episode 2, I'm kinda just wading it out till 3, 5, and 6.  Then i'll probably skip to 10, cause I absolutely love the Minimum episode. <3  It's so cute.

sooo now idk what to do.  think i wanna make junjo icons or junjo SOMETHING.  Maybe writing, but idk, I may end up making some Koisuru Boukun icons too?  Or tea for two?  IDK i'll figure it out.

I'm feelin lazy today, don't really feel like capitalizing or backspacing if it's not entirely nessisary. 

Before I forget--I gotta add that Egoist mood set at some point.  I saved the file thingie on this laptop buttt I forgotz how to add it.  Guess I'll google it.

NOW.............I'm so incredibly bored atm that I really don't know what to do.  I shouldn't be this bored at vacation, but I am.  It really doesn't help that every little thing annoys me, gets me upset, amuses me...goddamn I hate pms.  Fuck.

Nnnn...OH. BOUGHT JUNJO ROMANTICA BOX SET WHEN WE WERE DOWN IN SAVANNAH.  AM PISSED BECAUSE IT WON'T PLAY ON MY LAPTOP AND I'M DYING TO WATCH IT, BUT THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M GONNA WATCH IT ON THE TV IN THE LIVING ROOM.  (Dammit...if Erica wasn't here I could have watched it all I wanted this morning while Momma and Daddy were at the Flea Market....ugh this "bring a friend on vacation" idea was NOT a good idea.  I told that to Daddy after she went in after boogie boarding, and he was like, 'I understand how you feel....but don't tell your mom....maybe a few months down the road, but not now....and, also, this is probably the only time that it'll ever work out again, so don't worry about it.'  The last statement is what keeps me from being even more annoyed by the smallest things.  GODDAMN PMS!!! (ugh I hate saying 'gd' but in some cases you just can't substitute it.)

Now...ehh, lessee...oh, let's talk about vacation stuff before I forget (like when I wrote about every day last year?  I should do that again.  That was a good idea.  Well I can't make up for the days I already missed, but...yeah.  from today on, lets try that.)  This'll keep me occupied for a little while.  I'm not tired despite fighting all those rediculous waves while boogie boarding today, which is strange, but yeah, let's go for today.

Woke up.  Ate strawberries.  Momma and Daddy went to the flea market so Erica and I stayed here in the condo and watched Ace Ventura (it was very strange...but also very funny...I like Jim Carrey) and then when they came home I ate more food, then we went out to Wild Water & Wheels.  (whoa.  sudden realization of the name of the water park.  Wild Water...water park stuff...and Wheels...it has a go-kart track...HOLY $h!%.  MIND, BLOWN.)  Anyway, got some HILARIOUS footage on Jim's flip video camera (gosh we have GOT to get one of those for Christmas...they're so awesome) anddd played around in the cave like we always do, anddd then we went to River City Cafe.  Had the Porker, was very good.  Went shopping, got $30 Abercrombie hoodie and some sweet smelling spray from Hollister.  Ehh...came back, got in the rough ocean.  Rode only 2 good waves and the current was terrible because of the wind.  Didn't bother me much, but....idk. 

Um, then we watched Knocked Up and the video footage, and Alice in Wonderland while I read some Junjo fanfic (as per usual) then....now I'm doing this.  Yeah.  Normally I'd summarize better than that, but I don't feel like doing that anymore. 

I need different userpix.  I'm thinking taking off the Romantica and an Egoist one (probably Fireworks or Doorscene) and putting up different ones.  Idk, like that one thing I got off aarinfantasy with the girl smiling and the two guys doing each other, andd....idk.  Some other funny shit I find, I suppose.

Yeah.  Life is suckish one moment and fine and dandy the next.  asdfghjklllllll. 

Reading back on my old entires, I notice I used to write that I want to write alot.  I wonder how many times I actually did that?  (well, I mean, considering the rediculous amount of fanfic files on my comp., I more than likely did...but because I'm a perfectionist, lazy, and have terrible self-esteem about my writing, I don't think ANY OF THEM ever saw the light of day outside of that moment.  Pretty sad.)

Now, I really wanna write a drabble, but I'm blank except for beach (hmm..."LET'S GET IN THE WATER, HIRO-SAN!".....??) so I need to find a good prompt community but I'M SO FRIGGIN' LAZY.  GOD I SHOULD JUST GO TO SLEEP, LYKE, REALLY.  Don't know if I mentioned this already, but watching Tosh.0.  <- Is a stupid show.  Don't know how Laura and Alex liked it, when they have such high and mighty tastes.  OHP it just went off.  Now I think it's coming back on.  Fuuuuck.

Ah never mind it's Futurama.  I remember when I was little, seeing glimpses of this show before/after when I'd watch The Simpsons with Daddy, but it looked strange so I never watched it.  Plus I was like 7 at the time. 

Alright.  I'm going now.  Futurama shall play in the backround whilst I attempt to write A DRABBLE, IN WHICH I MUST DO (not nessisary post because I have a specific system in which I must follow in order to post) BEFORE BED.  KAY.  LATER.

It's been a while.  But I'm so INCREDIBLY BORED RIGHT NOW, I have nothing else to do besides sleep, which I just did for like 10 hours. 

I don't know when Charlsie gets back, but apparently when she does, assuming the weather is still good (apparently it's supposed to rain) we're going to go out to the beach.  I'm hoping so, because my hair looks like crap and with the saltwater no one will notice.  If not I'll get a shower sometime today.  I really hope that we get a chance to go to Rehobeth, though, because I'm DYING for some good prices on Hollister junk.  Hopefully momma will let me stay one more day <3

Soooo, yesterday.  Er, after waking up at like 9:00, I usefully spent the next 6 hours ready yaoi.  I think I read a grand total of about 4 different stories, spanning out to proably 15 or more volumes.  They were all relatively good but one in particular stuck with me, Koisuru Boukun (The Tyrant Falls in Love).  The uke (it's really hard to remember what his name is, since everyone either calls him "nii-san" or "senpai", I believe it's Tatsumi Souichi and getting off topic now I've discovered that The Tyrant Falls in Love is the SEQUAL to Challengers, and now I'm forced to read that.  fml.  Wait, what the fuck is there to fml about!??!?!?!  MOAR GREAT YAOI ART WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!1!!11!  But wait, now it's saying it's shounen-ai, and if it's just that kissing crap I probably won't bother reading it.  -___-'  Let's check out the first volulme in a minute to see.

SO ANYWAY, back to Tyrant.  So, Souichi (the uke) is really homophobic, which IMO is really strange because I figure the uke is usually the gayer one because they take it up the ass, but then the seme is just as gay because they're usually the persuer (sp?) and the one to suck them off and all that gay crap.  Anyway, the uke gets persued by mr. seme (Morinaga something-or-other, names are so hard to get when they're all chopped up with -kun and just calling them by their last name) in the means of, uke finds a bottle of mysterious liquid while mr. seme is out getting more alcohol, and then later homophobic uke finds himself highly aroused but unable to do anything about it.  Mr. seme (who, by the way, has already been in love with uke-san for like 5 years) decides that he'll never get this opporunity again, so not-entirely-consensual sex follows.  The partial rape didn't really bother me because Souichi seemed to really enjoy it, and I absolutely freaking LOVE IT when the uke is older than the seme (hence, Junjo Egoist <333) and anyway what really bothers me about this couple is that even after 6 freaking volumes the STILL HOMOPHOBIC uke can't come to terms with his feelings for mr. seme.  <3  Typical.  And I've seen abusive ukes (uh, hullo, Hiroki) but Hiroki is gentle compared to this dude.  At least Hiroki KNOWS AND IS ALRIGHT with being gay, and gender was never an issue with Nowaki (yet another reason Egoist is so incredibly awesome).  Side note--I swear, Morinaga and Nowaki look like BROTHERS despite having different artists.  Very similar.  x3

But uh, back to the story again.  After the rape-ies wore off (lolol Alan from the Hangover) and morning comes (which Morinaga prayed it never would) Souichi is all wanting to kill him, but his ass really hurts (lol idk why, this is probably really sick, but I really like it when the ukes' say their backs/asses hurt during/after sex) so he's unable to attack.  They fight it out a little, then seme goes outside and thinks about how badly he messed things up while uke-san is in the shower, complaining about how much Morinaga messed him up and how bad his ass hurts (<3).  By the time Morinaga got home from University, Souichi was gone (as per their agreement) and he's really messed up about it.  He calls him, and they talk a little, and then (this part makes me want to STAB Souichi) while Morinaga is pouring his heart out to Souichi, saying that he really really loves him and would do anything for him, the bastard just HANGS THE FUCK UP.  ASDFJK';!>!q1QL;  THAT DAMN UKE.  I WANNA BITCH SLAP HIM SOOOO BAD.

Morinaga leaves after that, causing Souichi to worry.  After two weeks Morinaga comes back, and Souichi is mad that he left without telling him.  Souichi says that he doesn't want Morinaga to disappear (mostly because he's self-centered and Morinaga is like his only friend) and then Morinaga tackles him to the bed and starts molesting him.  (of course they talk a little first, discussing that) 


^Uke has long hair and glasses.  Don't normally find that overbearingly attractive but on Souichi it works.  Reminds me of Soubi from Loveless, although Soubi's obviously seme (even though it's just shounen-ai) and Souichi is uke.  <3  Oh, and sometimes during sex, Souichi will have his glasses off, and WHOA.  *nosebleed*

Okay, so, then after another round of nice (pretty consentual) sex, Souichi is all thinking, "The reason I'm willing to overlook it..."  (Morinaga being a guy, that is)  "...is because you're special..."  Then there's a little short story of the morning after, (and btw Morinaga is blackmailing Souichi--he threatens to withdraw from the university if they don't keep getting it on) and there, Souichi is all embarrassed (awwwww <3) that they slept together again, and when he goes to go take a shower, he's all like, "DON'T CUM INSIDE ME, YOU BASTARD!!!"  Which for some reason is unBELIEVEably hilarious, to me.  I guess because I like it when the seme does that (even though in real gay sex you shouldn't to do that unless you have a condom on).  ANYWAY, LATER!

So more and more funny and slice-of-life stuff happens between the two, including annoying, homophobic family members on Morinaga's side, and the gay brother of San Francisco sending gifts on Souichi's side.  Then, later, whilst on the train to an M UNIVERSITY (omg I literally squealed here, because that's the same university Hiroki works at in Junjo) Souichi gains an enemy.  The enemy does a whole bunch of bad crap, sends an explosion (Morinaga gets a cut on his forehead), and while Morinaga is chasing him down the bad guy cuts Morinaga's arm pretty badly.  Eventually he sets their house on fire and later, when the little sister is safe with Matsuda-san (??? family friend I guess) and our boys are at a hotel, more stuff happens.  Here, the scenes are so...intimate.  They're just so good.


^is more intimate if you read the whole story/scenes first.  but either way <3

Timeskip--uke-san has to go to Canada for two months.  Mr. seme is not too happy, but uke goes anyway.  Btw, whilst in Canada, uke has very thin walls and can hear neighbors having sex.  He gets turned on, and, unable to come any other way, starts thinking of how Morinaga does it to him.  Then he like kinda calls out his name when he comes.  <3

About a month later, mr. seme has a confrence to attend in Seattle (uke is in Vancover) so they (begrudgingly) meet up.  They talk, have dinner, and then later when things are getting a little heated uke flees suddenly and takes an icy cold shower to calm himself down.  After the shower, mr. seme wants to warm uke up, though, he holds him for a little while. After a moment of shock, uke finds himself unable to push himself away, and he reasons it's because Morinaga's body is so warm, and he's so cold.  Yeah, that's it...


^LOVE THIS PART.  Comes with just his ass.

Kay.  Then later family comes around, visits (special appearances from daddy, who is open-minded and accepting of gay son's marriage!  Morinaga is envious).  And pretty much that's it.  But during the last go-round of sex, still homophobic uke is all like, "I AIN'T A GODDAMN HOMO!  Despite that...even though I'm not a homo...I get it that, when it's with you, I'll get like this...But the reason?  Do I know it?  That's what I want to know the most!"  Then he starts crying.  The english scanslation's really rough^ but, basically, in my mind, I think he's saying-- "Despite the fact that I'm not gay...when I'm with you, I get still get flustered...but I don't know the reason!  That's what I want to know the most!" 

While they're doing it (again, more very intimate scenes), Morinaga asks if Souichi wants him.  Souichi is too embarrassed to say so, and refuses to look at him.  But after a lot of prodding Souichi finally looks at him, and reaches up to kinda hold his face.  "It's just...that face...you make is too..." arousing?  sexy?  <3  We never figure it out, but then Souichi keeps saying Morinaga's name and then they kiss and all's well that ends well. 

Ok.  Finished. (wow I went overboard on that.  Meant for this to be like a couple paragraphs not to explain the entire thing.  :/  Oh well.  Now I can't go to the beach because Charlsie has an ear infection but later we're going shopping, so yeah.  Still wanna go to the beach sometime though if possible.

Oh, and one last thing.  I really like how this manga-ka has like, tweleve page sex scenes.  Nakamura just does like four or five, and they're not as good/don't have as much feeling behind them.  I can really FEEL the intimacy in Tyrant--not so much in Junjo.  I mean, Junjo will always be my favorite, but...you know...I just wish Nakamura would draw better sex scenes.  Basically, that's what it is.

Anyway, I'm going to go get a shower and eat, then hopefully go to Salisbury mall or something.  I feel like wondering around in a book store looking for gay manga for hours on end (along with doing a little clothing shopping) so, yeah.  Later x3

Preeetty much a whole lotta graphic-y stuff.  Compilation of like the last year+.  This may will take a while forever. -_____-

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5:33PM

Once again, I am THIS close to blowing my damn brains out.
I just can't stand it.  Do this, do that....WHY?

Yesterday was the shithole though.  I went to practice...like normal...OH, RIGHT, GOTTA BE THERE 20 FUCKING MINUTES EARLY TO BE CONSIDERED "ON TIME". (FUCK THAT...I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO.)  So, I said I had to drop Momma off at the airport, which she accepted, but because I didn't fucking call (I really should have said I didn't have my phone with me, but she probably wouldn't have believed me or something) so I had to run a suicide at the end of practice for that.  Okay, whatever, one suicide for another 20 minutes on my computer.  I can deal.

Then I get pissed off.  To be honest, I don't remember what she said/did to make me say this, but I said it--"well, I don't even care because I won't be there on Thursday or Sunday anyway."  OH, APPARENTLY THAT'S TALKING BACK. (what-the fuck-ever)  So then she called me over and said I can't talk to her like that, and I put on a nice apologetic innocent face (pfft, like I REALLY meant that apology...I'm not sorry for what I said.)  So after that little confrontation, we did rotation.  I wasn't in, and I wasn't expecting to be since I'm not going to be there on Sunday, so I just practiced serving and served the ball to them.  Well, because our team totally and competely sucks ass as far as passing goes, apparently they let the ball drop one too many times and we all had to drop what we were doing and do two suicides.  (Daddy and I both agree that it's stupid that I had to run as well, when I wasn't doing shit)

Oh, then it just gets better and better.  After practice, I told Daddy what I did and said, and included that I don't take back what I said, and he just kinda chuckled and said, "Just like your mom."  And we kinda talked about it for a little while but that was it. 

School passes by (1st period was hilariously amazing...I'm really going to be pissed if she moves us and splits me, Sawyer, and Stephan up come next semester) and I was at Gam & Grandaddy's on the computer.  He comes to pick me up, and he doesn't appear to be too happy.  We get in the car, and we have this big stupid long talk about three things:  my behavior at practice (fuckkk practice), me getting a job over the summer (whatever, I want money anyway), and something about me staying in the house for 6 months alone with a baby to see how much I'd grow as a person (???).

So, the email about practice:  basically what I said, and to be honest I had a feeling that she was going to sent out an email to them.  I would like to know what the letter said, but then again, I don't, because I'm tired of dealing with it.  Anyway, I think she basically says (this is what Daddy said):  That Emily talked back and blah blah blah (what I said above about being late), that it sounded like she didn't want to be there (well...DUH), and that she was an excellent player and she wants Momma and Daddy to "ENLIGHTEN ME" and straighten out whatever's going on.  (to be honest, I wish I knew why I was acting like a total bitch at practice as well.  MAYBE it has something to do with the fact that I'd rather be at home reading or writing...?)

But whatever.  Exams start tomorrow and I should focus on that, not worrying about this damn drama on the fucking volleyball team.  I can't turn back time to undo what I did (not that I would anyway), so I just have to say FUCK IT and go on.

...
...
...

I can't wait until we go to Vegas.  I'll be away from the real world for a little while, which is exactly what I need.

But for now, I'm gonna go blast some screamo and write fanfic to drown out the thoughts.

5:37PM

DAMN. DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!

Oh man...my damn ab is flaring up again.  I thought this thing was healed months ago!!  Why is it flaring up now!!??

...I'm pissed off.  I told daddy and he says he thinks I reinjured it.  To which I say, FUCK!!!!!!!  What am I supposed to do now? 

Oh and Coach Hall was at yesterday's scrimmage. O.O  I didn't even notice him there until we started playing the 18's team, but he was probably there the entire time.  At least I got a text saying that he liked what he saw.  (he killed 6 birds with one stone--Me, Felicia, Amber, Brooke, Jackie, and Hannah)  But ugh we didn't do too well since Jocelynn wasn't there and Brooke had to play outside hitter.  But considering we don't have ANYYY passers, we did good.  Split with 17's and 18's while the 17's lost both to their own 18's.

Today was our first day back at school...dammit.  Now I gotta go work on my Dupont Challenge paper (truthfully all I really have to do is look at Mrs. Elliott's proofread of my draft and then I'll just fix those and print it out...DAMN I GOTTA DO A BIBLIOGRAPHY...thank God I only used one source.  Should I put more than one source just to be safe?  But I really only DID use my Scuba book...anyway) but either than that we did nothing today.  (YES FOR 2 HOUR DELAYS...hope there's one tomorrow)  Tomorrow I think we're starting the volleyball unit in gym, which I'm really excited about.  (although it's really, really bittersweet because I obviously know what I'm doing as far as volleyball goes but it sucks because it's going to be like picnic ball since no one else knows what the hell they're doing...)

And shit, I probably have to stay after school tomorrow to work on my apron.  At least I'm almost done, I just gotta put the ties on and then sew the rest of the waistband together.  THEN I'M FINALLY FUCKIN' FINISHED!!!

And oh, I really can't wait until first period tomorrow...it's going to be really fun. :)  Although I'm really starting to question whether I like Stephan or not...I think he's cute, for obvious reasons, but I don't think I really like him or anything...but I get a little jealous when he talks about Nadine and stuff...but then I don't mind talking about it either...but I don't know.  I wouldn't really wanna go out with him anyway because he doesn't really believe in God and stuff...but that's besides the point.

Umm...I don't really feel like doing my homework like I should be (heck I just spent the last half-hour playing Mario on the Wii) so I'm gonna go play Yacht.  Haha that "KEVIN" episode of Spongebob is on.