K for Kindness

When people hear that someone has cancer they are often unsure what to do and say.  I wasn’t expecting to hear from anyone except for my family but even in my short time in hospital I had an unexpected visit from a friend who brought some mandarins and lots of good cheer.

It wasn’t long before friends from the General Bewilderment Lane (that’s what we originally called our Aqua Fit group when we were Aqua Joggers) were calling to see when they could visit.  I was very aware of my low immunity so we agreed on no hugs and even masks on the first few occasions. A knock at my front door one day revealed flowers and soaps from the thoughtful Aqua Joggers.

They arrived in pairs with coffee from Mo at Praha, the coffee shop at the uni pool.  He had made it just how I like it. They helped us put the cover on the caravan and move it to its parking space in the back yard.  After all, it wasn’t going to be used for a while.

More Aqua Joggers arrived, armed with take away coffee and muffins, but when I worked out my good days I started making coffee for them with my new coffee machine.  It is a Breville Barista Pro, replacing my old one which was due for retirement. Another “Why Not?” purchase.

One couple brought us a chicken pie to save on cooking.  This was most welcome as my main motivation when cooking is hunger and my appetite had gone.

Out of the blue another group, my daughter’s Book Club, donated Dinner Ladies’ meals to save on cooking.  

My daughter had also arranged for John to order some Light and Easy meals.  My Hello Fresh subscription supplied three meals a week which still had to be prepared and cooked but required very little thinking. It looked like we weren’t going to starve and I found once the food was in front of me, I could eat it and maintain my weight.

One friend remained quiet for a few weeks. Then I received a message from her asking when we were going out for lunch.  It seems she deleted her emails and missed my message about my health crisis.  As soon as she found out I had cancer she came over to our house, laden with flowers and rich little cakes from Massimos. 

Emails, phonecalls and texts kept me in touch with the outside world.  One friend wanted to know all the details of my diagnosis and treatment which gave me free reign to vent.

When I finally returned to Aqua Fit four weeks after my final chemo it was wonderful to catch up with people who had been so kind during my self-imposed isolation. As John and I were having birthdays in April one lovely Aqua Jogger made us a cake which we shared over coffee.

Christmas occurred in the middle of my treatment.  My children and grandchildren arrived with promises that I was to sit and watch and do nothing.  It was the easiest Christmas I have ever had although I did manage to prepare a trifle in advance and a “do it yourself” prawn cocktail where everyone peeled their own prawns and added lettuce, avocado, mango and homemade sauce. Best of all, the cleaning up was not my responsibility.  Instead, I spent a blissful afternoon resting on my bed underneath the fan.

As someone who values independence above all things and is a bit of a loner, it was strange and touching to have so much attention from others. It shows the importance of belonging to groups and has motivated me to help others in a similar situation when and where I can.

J for Justifying a Cleaner

 I used the word justify because it starts with J but I had decided almost as soon as I was diagnosed that I was done with cleaning bathroom tiles and kitchen cupboards.  I asked around but cleaners were hard to find.  They all seemed to have a full workload and were not taking on any new clients.

It was then I tried Hi Pages and received three responses from companies who employed cleaners. The one I chose replied immediately and agreed to come and meet with me.  Her name was Lyn* and she had recently been put in charge of all the personnel involved in house cleaning for their company.  Her sister had had cancer and she had shaved her head in solidarity. She would make sure that I had the same person each week and that precautions would be taken in consideration of my low immunity. My new cleaner, Carol*, was to start on Thursday.

That gave me a few days to tidy the house in readiness.  On Thursday morning 9 o’clock arrived but there was no Carol.  At 9.10 am I rang Lyn.  She had just heard from Carol, who was knocking on the door next to the garage but said there was no response.  I told her there was no door next to the garage but to walk up the steps on the left-hand side to a deck where she would find the front door and us waiting for her.

There is no door next to the garage! What was she thinking?

All went quiet.  Lyn had given me Carol’s number but there was no response.  As for Lyn she said couldn’t talk because she was in a meeting.

It was almost midday when my phone rang.  

“You were trying to call me?” a woman’s voice asked.

“I’ve been trying to call you all morning,” I said.  I’ve been waiting for you to clean my house in K…. “

“I’ve already cleaned a house in K…,” she said, and gave my address.

Then the penny dropped.  Some time ago a mischievous person had turned our street sign around so that it pointed in another direction.  As most people use satellite navigation it hadn’t occurred to me that Carol would be looking at street signs.  She told me that she pulled up at a house with the same number as ours and climbed the stairs to the right (not the left as instructed).  An old lady answered the door and seemed to be expecting her.

“I’m so glad you’ve come,” she said. “My name has been down for a cleaner for such a long time as I’m not very well.”

Carol cleaned her house and then moved on to another job.  After talking to me she realised she had just cleaned a house for free. The woman had probably signed up to a Home Care Package as part of Aged Care Assistance at Home. Sometimes it takes a long time for the system to process. Carol was not sorry for her good deed as she felt the woman really needed help. As for my cleaning job I would have to contact Lyn and arrange another day for Carol to come to my house.

Contacting Lyn proved to be a problem. It wasn’t until the next day that she replied to my phone calls. Her company had restructured its organisation and decided to remove house cleaning from its services. That’s what the meeting was about!  No wonder she wasn’t in a hurry to speak to me!

She did say that Carol might be available as a private cleaner so I followed that option and lined her up for the following Monday.  I also contacted the Council to report the matter of a faulty street sign, which, to their credit, they remedied within a few days.

*Not their real names

I for Infusion Day

Half Yours won the Melbourne Cup ridden by female jockey Jamie Melham.

The day that stops a nation was memorable in other ways for me.  It was Infusion Day.

It began at 5 am, when I had blood pressure taken, shower at 6 am, breakfast at 8 am followed by the Registrar who came around and explained how the chemotherapy would be administered.

The nurse assigned to the task was carrying out this procedure for the very first time. As a result, she encountered some difficulty while attempting to insert a new cannula.

She tried about four spots and kept saying sorry.  The senior nurse came in eventually and put it in first attempt. It is still there in case I need any more drugs administered.

At 11.30 the Doxorubicin was first drug of my treatment. It stops cancer cell division and side effects include hair loss, nausea, fatigue and potential long-term heart damage. It glowed bright red and was administered slowly with a large syringe into the cannula by the junior nurse who was dressed from head to toe in plastic.  She was very nervous but was watched closely by her superior. It took about 15 minutes and we were all relieved when it was over. 

The next syringe held Vincristine which took about 10 minutes to infuse.  Apparently, this drug prevents cancer cells from forming new cells and triggers cell death. Side effects include Neuropathy in hands and feet, severe constipation, hair loss, fatigue, muscle weakness and low white blood cell count which increases risk of infection. Unaware of these dire side effects I was just happy that the young nurse was becoming more confident. 

Cyclophosphamide was next and this time I was hooked up to the machine for about an hour.  It works by damaging the DNA of cancer cells, preventing them from dividing and multiplying. Side effects include hair loss, nausea and reduced white blood cell counts. 

A saline drip was used between each application. The final infusion was to take four or five hours in case of an allergic reaction. Retuximab works by blocking the protein that causes cancer cells to grow and multiply.  Side effects can be fever, chills, rash and fatigue, even pneumonia! Every half hour a new bag was attached.   Some orderlies arrived to take me off for the breast biopsies but I was all tied up and couldn’t go.  My haematologist dismissed the biopsies and said they probably weren’t necessary as any anomalies in the breast could be put down to lymphoma.  I was in no position to argue. 

I’m home again.  Hard to believe but here I am.

This morning I thought I would be just resting but a nurse came in for three vials of blood before disappearing.  I had woken at 3.30 am and lay awake until 5 am when my blood pressure was taken. I must have dozed off until 7.30 am when the breakfast arrived.  Not sure when the vampire visit took place.

The haematologist came around and gave a prognosis.  75% to 80% chance of recovery after first six rounds of chemo.  If it failed I could do a second or a third round if necessary.  That seems a long way away and I’m surprisingly sanguine about the whole thing.

I was wheeled off for my MRI in my bed which felt very decadent.  My trolley pusher was a student at Wagga Uni doing early childhood education.  He was discussing it with another bed pusher. The MRI took about an hour and a half. I’m an old hand at these now.  I’m just glad I’m not paying for all these tests.

The Haematologist came back in.  He cancelled the heart fluid test as it was taking too long to organise.  He said if there was fluid around the heart it was because of the lymphoma and the treatment would sort it out.  I was happy to go home and called John.  We were not allowed to escape that easily as we had to wait for the Pharmacologist to explain all the medication and what it was for.  She drew up a chart which outlined what to take each day.  A nurse brought over some papers to sign and I was free.

Very happy to be home!

Maybe it was all a dream.  It didn’t happen and I will wake up in the morning as normal.  But no, there is a huge stack of tablets to take after breakfast.

H for Hospital

I made it through last night with minimal sleep. 

I had a blood pressure and temperature test at 2 am and another one at 6 am. I think I slept in between. 

Then came breakfast followed by the tablets.   Three white ones that are steroids called prednisolone, two yellow for gut protection and a pink one for kidney protection. 

John came in after breakfast and brought Saturday’s paper. I also had a Mercury (local newspaper) delivered because I am a private patient in a Public Hospital. 

John picked up his weekly pass for parking  (the other private patient benefit) and went shopping for more food. Lunch arrived, a large, rather unappetising bean salad of which I ate half. I will have to pick fibre rich meals as constipation and weight gain is a side effect of prednisolone. 

I was anxious to know if the grandchildren had made it to The Shiralee. Apparently, they had no trouble picking up the tickets and were happy with their front row seats because they could see the expression on everyone’s face. Cordelia especially was very taken with the performance as she had recently completed work experience with the Sydney Theatre Company. 

John and I sat in a recreation room with a view towards Mt Keira. It was a change from my four walls. I walked around the wards and sat up in a chair the rest of the time. After all I didn’t feel sick so lying in bed seemed a strange thing to do.

The third and final perk of being a private patient was free TV.  However, it was high on a wall and a nurse told me the sound wasn’t very good so I preferred to don my headphones and watch TV on my iPad. The monotony was alleviated by an injection in the stomach tonight with an anti-coagulant. 

The food is not shaping up to be gourmet. Dinner tonight was a boring Indian Butter Chicken with no flavour. As I was about to tackle dessert my grandson rang to tell me all about The Shiralee. The ice cream melted but it was lovely to hear from him.

Now for sleep.

Today was not so bad although I woke at 3.30 and didn’t go back to sleep.

The change of shift seemed to happen just outside my room with handovers taking place as tired medical staff left for home and sleep. Wandering down the long corridor to the bathroom I showered about 7am and felt much better.  Breakfast arrived and was surprisingly good although everything is in packets. The amount of plastic used in hospitals is mind boggling.

I was given my steroid tablets, had blood taken from my hand veins (much easier to get to) and a pin prick blood sugar test.  Blood pressure and temperature were taken and so far all is normal.

My daughter was back from her holiday in New Zealand and arrived with a big bunch of flowers but had to take them away again as they are not allowed in the wards. She and John brought me some lovely pyjamas from Peter Alexander which felt very decadent and drew appreciative comments from the nurses.

A good friend arrived at the same time so it was quite a gathering.  We tried to decamp to the recreation room but that was full of people so we grabbed some extra chairs and came back to my box room. 

My daughter and John went home to cook dinner and I read some of Mushroom Murders. My dinner arrived at 5 pm just as my son rang on his way back to Canberra from Mystery Bay where he had spent the weekend.  I was able to reassure him that everything was going well.

I watched two episodes of the second series of Professor T on my iPad. Now it’s 10.22 pm and time for bed.

Next day

This morning after breakfast I was wheeled to another level and the cannula in my arm was used  for the first time since Friday night.  I had a radioactive substance injected to indicate how well my heart was pumping.

Lunch was a boring tuna salad so I didn’t eat much.  The afternoon’s entertainment was a lumbar puncture.  I had to curl up sideways on the bed and have an epidural before a needle was stuck in my spine.  Some fluid was taken out and some chemo was put in – just a precaution apparently as there is no indication there is cancer in the spinal fluid.

I then had to lie on my back for four hours.  This is to help prevent a headache and so far, touch wood, I don’t have one.  John texted wanting to know if he should come up.  I said “yes” because I needed him to cut up my dinner as I wasn’t allowed to sit up.  I also needed more long pyjamas as I felt a bit silly walking around in shortie PJs.  

Tomorrow will be the first round of chemo. Didn’t I always say I liked to have new experiences!

G for Going to Hospital

Every day is full of unknowns. It’s nearly midnight and I am in hospital!

This morning it was Sebastian’s turn to rehearse for School Spectacular at Homebush. After dropping Cordelia off at the railway station, the directions given by Maps took us through a different tunnel so that we came out near Roselands with 10 more kilometres to Olympic Park and about 50 traffic lights. Sebastian had to be there by 9 am (or else) and as the time of arrival approached we all grew increasingly anxious. We made it with 8 minutes to spare.

Sebastion rehearsing for School Spectacular NSW Department of Education

I settled back, preparing to enjoy the trip to Wollongong when my phone rang. It was the hospital asking that I come in for a biopsy of both breasts. Does that mean I could have breast cancer as well as lymphoma?  Anyway, I made an appointment for Tuesday afternoon and felt somewhat depressed as a result. 

The phone rang again. It was the Haemotology Registrar who asked if I would consider going into hospital tonight. He was worried the lesion on my back put me in imminent danger and I could become a paraplegic at any time. He wanted to start me on steroids which would reduce the inflammation on the spine. Then on Monday or Tuesday I’m to start chemotherapy. I was tempted to say, couldn’t hospital just wait until I take the children to The Shiralee, but it seems not.

I had left my bathroom bag in Sydney but managed to rake up some moisturiser, tablets, a toothbrush and toothpaste from our house in Wollongong. We made a mad dash around the shops for pyjamas and slippers.

I had to inform the other grandparents and ask if they would take over the teen sitting. Fortunately, they were on standby and even volunteered to take the grandchildren to the Opera House. 

The doctor thinks I have Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma (Diffuse Large B-cell Lymphoma). Chemo starts Tuesday. Chances of a complete cure are around 70 to 80% so that is comforting. I’m so relieved it’s not as bad as I first thought.

Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) is an aggressive, fast-growing type of non-Hodgkin Lymphoma (NHL) that affects B-lymphocytes, the immune cells that create anribodies. While aggressive it is often curable with modern chemotherapy regimens, even at advanced stages.

As there were no beds available at the hospital I was advised to go to Emergency and wait. We arrived at about 3 pm and waited and waited. I nearly discharged myself at one stage as I thought a bed would never become available.  After all, who would go home after 10 o’clock at night? I had a hydration drip from 4 o’clock onwards which started beeping every time I bent my arm.  It made a racket until a nurse came out to reset it.  She smilingly called me a troublemaker but the second time it happened she didn’t comment.  The third time another patient showed me how to reset it.  Press the bell button first and then the green start button.  Pity I wasn’t shown that earlier.

At 11 pm I received the good news that a bed was available.  Apparently an eight hour wait for a bed is considered quite reasonable.  I was wheeled to the Procedure Room which is used when no other beds are available.  It has no windows but right in the middle of the box like room is a bed which I longed to lie on.  It also has no ensuite. I had to walk miles down the corridor to the disabled bathroom but the shower felt so good I’m not complaining.   At least I’m in a room by myself.  Now I will try to get some sleep.

View from my bed

F for Family Matters

The alarm is set for 6.00 am, the first day of our time as parents of teenagers.

Back to this morning.  John drove me to the hospital for my mammogram and ultrasound.  I was soon in front of a machine intent on turning my breasts into dinner plates, flat both sides and then tilted both sides.

Next came the ultrasound which was infinitely more pleasant with a handheld machine slipping around on jelly coated skin.  The lady wasn’t smiling at the end which had me worried.  Did she see something that shouldn’t be there?

Now we are in Sydney with a long list of instructions on managing the teens starting with a 6 o’clock wake up call, breakfast, checking to see if they have everything required for school, dropping them off at the bus stop and railway station by 7.45 am.  Phew!  Then the day is ours until 3.30pm.

The parents were out of the house and off to New Zealand at 4 in the morning.  All went well with the drop offs until I received a message to say Sebastian* had left his lunch on the kitchen bench. With the wonders of modern technology his mother was able to transfer money to his credit card so he wouldn’t starve.

We picked Cordelia* up from the train at 4.38 and Sebastian arrived sometime after 5 as he had school choir practice.  He walks home from the bus stop. I helped them both with homework and study, cooked dinner, cleaned up.  I’m ready for sleep.

Every day brings a surprise.  I received a phone call from the Oncology Registrar.

It looks like I won’t be seeing him anymore as I have been diagnosed with Lymphoma (a blood cancer of the white blood cells within the lymphatic system).  What sort is yet to be revealed.  We have an appointment at 11 o’clock tomorrow so looks like a quick trip to the Gong from Sydney, making sure we get back in time to pick up the teens.

The Registrar said he was sorry not to see me again as he wanted to hear more about the Mushroom Murders.

Otherwise, it was a flat-out busy day.  Up at six supervising study, then out the door at 7.45 am, dropping Sebastion off at the bus stop.  We disappeared into a tunnel which miraculously brought us out at Olympic Park where Cordelia was rehearsing for School Spectacular.  

Rehearsing for the School Spectacular NSW Department of Education

The day flew by and before we knew it we were driving out to Ashfield Railway Station to meet Cordelia. John refuelled at Marrickville and later took Sebastian to boxing.

Tonight was a mixture of working on Geography with Cordelia and Sebastian’s assignment on Lexus cars.  I also cooked a Hello Fresh dinner and cleaned up with help from John.  We are all very tired.

Now to find out more about Lymphoma. I’m thinking that the future is looking a little brighter.

  • Not their real names

E for Eating Hello Fresh

The unreality continues.  One moment everything is normal and then I remember.  This morning I stayed in bed until after 8 am and then filled in time until 10.45 am when we left for the Wollongong Private Hospital which is situated not far from Wollongong Public Hospital.  I took the lift to the 7th floor and was shown to a room with a green recliner chair, a TV and a view across to the Five Islands.

A cannula was inserted with a drip of radioactive glucose and I was left for an hour.  I chose to read the Mushroom Murders from chapter 4 onwards where the preliminary cases for the prosecution and defence were presented.  The book went on to describe Erin’s early life and off-again on-again marriage.  Needing a break from real life murder I swapped to my headphones and listened to my audio book, The Girl Under the Floor, by Charlie Gallagher.  Here, Detective Maddie Ives tries to solve equally puzzling mysteries but at least it is only fiction.  The hour went fast.  A nurse directed me to another room where the PET scan machine sat waiting to decide my fate.  Any cancer cells will radiate a glow. The machine moved me in and out of a high white tunnel for about half an hour but I didn’t feel claustrophobic as I’m an old hand at these things now.

Thankfully I devoured the sandwiches they gave me, had my intravenous cannula removed and went back down to the real world outside which was warm and windy.  

John drove to meet me as I walked down the hill towards Beaton Park.  It was so good to be free and I needed some exercise.  Once home John made me a good coffee and I ate too much panettone.  

This afternoon I just relaxed until evening drinks of tonic water with ice and lemon which I enjoyed.  I don’t really miss wine as the need to help my liver through this crisis is more important.

Next Day

I rang the hospital to see if it was OK to do a blood test the day after a radioactive PET scan.  They gave me the all-clear so John dropped me off at 11 o’clock and I found my way to Pathology.  The room was crowded with mainly elderly people climbing awkwardly into large chairs to have their blood taken.  The nurse had no trouble finding a vein and soon I was out of there.  John had parked at Beaton Park so again I walked down the hill to meet him.  

The Hello Fresh Box arrived today with three meals inside.  Tonight’s meal was quite tasty with fresh barramundi and vegetables. The instructions said to eat first.  As well there is a prawn dish we will have to eat tomorrow.  At least I don’t have to think with Hello Fresh.  Instructions and ingredients are all there.  I just have to chop and cook and sometimes I can listen to an audio book at the same time. My daughter started using Hello Fresh when she was juggling work and children and encouraged me to try it. Now I am so grateful to have it as a back up.

Next day

Another day of hospital visits. Again, it was my turn to go to Wollongong Private. The nurse was very friendly and chatty and so was the doctor. I had three anaesthetic injections and then four biopsies taken from a lymph gland under my arm.  It didn’t hurt at all. I wish I was having the mammogram there but that will be over the road at Wollongong Public.

On the way home I bought four tickets online for The Shiralee. We will be teen sitting next week so a trip to the Opera House will be something the grandchildren will remember they did with Nanna.  The play, The Shiralee, is based on the book by D’Arcy Niland about a swagman called Macauley and his young daughter, Buster, whom he takes on the road.  My father used to call me his Shiralee, although we travelled in the relative comfort of a truck all over country New South Wales.

D for Day Out at Mushroom Murder Book Talk

We didn’t go to Aqua Fit because I was waiting for the phonecall.

It was almost 10.30 am before the landline phone rang. That was a surprise because we hardly ever use it. My appointment was for 3.30 this afternoon.

We decided to park in the hospital car park.  After negotiating our way around we found and crossed the footbridge and entered the hospital. I was thankful for my constant chauffeur, John, as I was in no state to remember where we parked. I was given three pages of forms to fill in and was still working on them when the Registrar appeared.  He was very friendly and talked me through everything, asking lots of questions.  He didn’t think I had Multiple Myeloma so I’m not sure whether to be pleased or not.  He still thinks there is a primary cancer that hasn’t been found yet.  In the next couple of days I will have a PET scan, a breast scan and another blood test.

With the PET scan they inject me with a radioactive glucose and then I have to lie down for an hour , after which I will have a half hour scan, rest fifteen minutes and go home.  It will be November 3 before I get any results.

I only spoke to the Medical Oncologist for a short time at the end of the visit. I can expect to hear from the Private Hospital in the next day or so regarding the PET scan.  I will have to order the breast and blood test myself, both being at the Public Hospital.

Next day we squeezed in a day out in the Southern Highlands to attend a book launch but it was not free of drama.

As we drove up the mountain I was on the phone, booking appointments. They are as follows.

Wednesday 22

PET Scan 11 pm. Fast 6 hours. Wollongong Private Hospital Level 7 Suite 705. Time 2 hours.

Thursday 23

Blood test Wollongong Hospital. Any time.

Friday 24

Ultrasound of one of the enlarged lymph nodes 11.30 am Wollongong Private Hospital, Dr Glenn and Partners Medical Imaging.

Tuesday 28

ISMI Medical Imaging breast USD and MMG Wollongong Hospital 9 o’clock.

A day in the Highlands was just what I needed.  The trees were covered in pale new leaves heralding the spring and the sun shone brightly on the grassy paddocks. We sat in the courtyard of an old sandstone building in Berrima, drank coffee and ate cake. I savoured the moment with renewed appreciation.

Heading for the Stables

I had bought tickets previously for a talk by Greg Haddrick on his new book, “Mushroom Murders”.  It was to be held at The Stables, a reception centre on the Bendooley Estate near Berrima.

If you missed the court case—which was covered internationally—here’s a brief summary.   In July 2023, Erin Patterson, a 48-year-old mother of two, served Beef Wellington containing deadly death cap mushrooms to guests, including her ex-husband’s parents, killing three and injuring a fourth. In September 2025 she was sentenced to life in prison with a 33 year non-parole period.

Interior of The Stables

The talk by the author (Greg Haddrick) gave us just enough information to want to buy  the book.  John took it over to be signed and we have now both read the first three chapters and are keen to get started on the court case.  I will take it with me tomorrow as I will be lying on a recliner for an hour before the scan. The question we are all asking is, why did she do it?

Anything to take my mind off the more pressing issue, what is the matter with me?

C for Confidence Renewed

I may live a bit longer than I thought.  When we walked into my doctor’s office at 4 o’clock she was smiling.  The CT scans had shown no cancer in my body (apart from the lesions on the spine).  The lymph glands are enlarged and the spine has holes in the bone from metastases but it may be coming from an ill-defined mass wrapped around the spine.  To my uninformed mind it seems more manageable if it’s all in one place.

John is so relieved he thinks the cancer is curable and I may not even need an operation.  I am not that optimistic but have renewed hope.

I rang my son and daughter and told them my news but said it was not too serious, requiring a simple operation, maybe radiation.

This morning we walked to Aqua Fit but didn’t stay for coffee as we had so much to do.

An Aqua Fit class

I spent the morning preparing a lunch for visitors.  Our friends go way back to when they lived in our street for a year on a sabbatical from an English University. They have now settled in Australia permanently and have adult children and grandchildren here. Their granddaughter attends Wollongong University so they were visiting her in her new digs.

Grounds of University of Wollongong

Our friends arrived late as they had become lost in the university campus. It has grown tremendously since they lived here nearly forty years ago.  They cooled off in the air conditioning, aided by a beer or two.  John and I drank zeros as I had become very conscious of what I was putting into my body. We discussed medical problems like old people do, and enjoyed the food.

After dropping them at the train station we drove on to see the Neurosurgeon at 4.45 pm.  I made it to the desk just in time while John parked the car at the back.  After I filled in some forms the doctor came out to greet us. I had given the copy of the CT scan and the blood test report to the office, so he had time to check through them. He also asked me walk on tip toe and on my heels which I could do easily.

I had to lie on the bench while he pressed in various places.  He seemed surprised that I had not had more pain.  He also said he was going to talk to some other specialists and ring me in an hour.  When I asked him what he thought it might be he said he couldn’t be sure but there were some signs it could be Multiple Myeloma. Of course, I googled once home and found it is:

A cancer of plasma cells in the bone marrow that causes abnormal, cancerous cells to multiply, crowd out healthy blood cells, and damage bones and kidneys.  While generally incurable treatment can induce long-term remissions.

Finally, the much-anticipated phone call arrived.  The Neurosurgeon said he felt he was not the best person to deal with my case as operating on the back would not get to the source of the problem.  I will get a call from a Medical Oncologist (a specialist who diagnoses and treats cancer using chemotherapy, immunotherapy and targeted therapies) on Monday so that he/she can arrange an appointment for later the same day.

B for Blue Lagoon Cruise

Today at 10 o’clock I get to do a full CT scan, head to toe, to find the cancer. I have an appointment at 3.30 pm on Thursday to be given the news.  Can’t wait.  At this stage I feel I can’t tell the family because I don’t know exactly what is wrong with me but I should know by then.

The major concern is how quickly I go downhill and how John will manage without me.  I will have to make sure he has all the information about banking, paying bills, passwords etc. as that has become my job in the last few years.

We decided against Aqua Fit today.  There was just too much to process. I imagine as soon as the cancer is found I will go to a specialist and then be in hospital for surgery if it is not too far gone.  Then I suppose there will be chemotherapy and or radiation.  I most probably will have to cancel the trip to Fiji (Blue Lagoon Cruise next April).  I booked it to coincide with my 75th birthday.  We were to fly out from Sydney on April 1st, board the Fiji Princess on the 3rd, visit a different island every day with snorkelling off the boat, exploring tropical beaches and visiting villages.  John would also celebrate his 81st birthday on the cruise.  I even took out insurance to cover all his medical problems. It didn’t occur to me I would have any of my own!

Fiji Princess

Then should we sell the house?  Maybe we should begin by selling the caravan as I can’t imagine John going off travelling on his own.  Maybe I should start reading about “Swedish Death Cleaning” while I still have the energy. One thing is for sure, if I’m seriously ill I’m getting a house cleaner!

I was awake most of last night just thinking so hopefully will have a full night’s sleep tonight. 

I had to finish eating before 8 am and then drink 750 ml of water.  Finally, 9.45 am dragged around and John drove me to PPG Imaging. They injected iodine dye into my vein and I had a head, neck, shoulder to pelvis CT scan which is:

Computed Tomography Scan, using specialised X-rays and computer technology to produce detailed, cross sectional 2D or 3D images of bones, organs and tissues.

I wonder what they will find?

Apparently, my doctor is booking me in to see a Neurosurgeon (a specialist who diagnoses, treats and manages disorders of brain, spinal cord, spinal column and peripheral nerves). Maybe this is all a bad dream and it is just some benign tumour on the spine.  One can hope!

To keep my myself busy I advertised the kayaks and the roof racks on Facebook Marketplace. Might as well start decluttering.

Some time later: I was able to cancel the Blue Lagoon Cruise and the flights with Fiji Air. I lost the deposit and a portion of the air fares but the travel insurance covered the lost money. A big thank you to the Registrar in Haematology for his supportive letter to the insurance company.

Even later:

On the 4th April we heard that the Fiji Princess ran aground near Castaway Island (of Tom Hanks fame). All passengers were taken by boat to Port Denarau. There were no injuries. It was the second day of the cruise so alternative arrangements were made with hotels and day trips. The bad weather caused the ship’s anchor to move and the ship was washed onto a reef. I don’t feel so bad about missing the cruise.