Tag: writing

Octavia Butler taught us “the only lasting truth is change”.

Grace Lee Boggs taught us, “We have to change ourselves in order to change the world.”

adrienne maree brown, a mentee of Grace Lee Boggs, writes that “what we pay attention to grows.”

As I’ve witnessed what’s unfolded and continues to unfold in Gaza over the last two years, I regularly feel a pressure building inside me. The first time some of that pressure was released was in December of 2023 when I attended my first protest related to Gaza. It was caroling at the Guthrie with “Ceasefire Carols.” I came home feeling so much lighter.

It’s important to note that what had been unfolding in Gaza continued to unfold.

The second release of pressure happened when I attended a book club to read the 100 Years’ War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi. I learned a lot, made some new friends.

What had been unfolding in Gaza continued to unfold.

The third release of pressure was when I volunteered to sew scrunchies for a fundraiser. It was such a relief to have a tangible thing I could feel and touch that was my contribution. So satisfying to travel to the post office to mail things off, knowing we were turning my labor into meals and clothing and tent supplies inside Gaza.

And also, what had been unfolding in Gaza continued to unfold.

The fourth release of pressure was when, through Heba’s cousin who was in touch with my friend Sarah, I met Heba and Ahmed and agreed to help run their GoFundMe campaign. I now I had a contact that made tangible difference on the ground.

And also, what had been unfolding in Gaza continued to unfold.

It’s been nearly 2 years now, and the situation on the ground has never been so dire. There are times when I’m astonished the world has continued to turn. How is it possible I still have to go to work? There is something sick and wrong with us that we haven’t ended this. I am regularly rendered emotionally numb with grief.

So. Have all my efforts been for naught? Should I have saved myself the trouble and not worried about it, accepted that I could not stop the bombs, broken the gates open and saved lives? Of course not.

Of course not.

In the first, I really believe the world has been made better by my efforts. Heba and Ahmed have been able to purchase food. They’ve been able to find shelter with the funds we’ve sent. And though it’s less tangible, they have known there are people, real humans, outside of Gaza that care for them. That pray for them. That want things to improve for them. That matters. I know it does because it matters to me, in all of the comforts I currently enjoy, that people care about me. Also they’ve said so, and who am I to doubt their word?

And in the second, I have been changed. In the beginning, I was trying to help some people. Now, I am helping my friends. And everything they love. That is one helluva mindset change.

If you put something under pressure and then release the pressure, only to have it build up again and release and repeat and repeat… you cannot tell me that thing is not changed.

A bottle warps.

A rock changes composition.

A person evolves.

Now, it is also true that had I not made the choices I made, or had I simply made different choices, I would also be different. It’s possible I should have been making different choices. Put my energies into a different way to help. Maybe the world would be better if I had committed myself to… supporting libraries here. Building wind farms. Teaching again. I can’t know what would be different. I do know I have seen the truth of Butler’s words that everything you touch, you change, and everything you change, changes you.

This post is, in large part, in reaction to a friend saying that someone had told her that donating to Gaza is an excuse to sit down. You donate, your responsibility is fulfilled, you get to go back to your life. And of course, that’s true for some people. And they are changed by that choice. It’s not for me to say how. Dean Spade talks about this with respect to our personal relationships, but I think the question applies here too, I cannot know, for anyone aside from myself, “What else is true?” Maybe they chose wind farms. Or caring for a parent. Or watching Love Island. And we are all changed by those choices. It’s easy to start ascribing value to them, but I am striving, really, honestly and truly to not do so. Because I do not know all of the other things that are true and all I can control is myself.

I desperately wish the actions of hundreds of millions, probably even billions (with a b), of people would have ended the slaughter in Gaza by now. Brought food to those children. Those people. The end goal of action must be to seize power and then spend all of our political capital using that power to improve the lives of people and the planet. But even if we never get there, I still believe it has been worth the effort. I am changed. We are changed. How we are changed is determined by the choices we make and the ways we choose to engage.

More action has to happen. Now. Urgently, to save lives. We are feeling the imperial boomerang and seeing the tactics used in Gaza now deployed against our neighbors and colleagues and friends and family here. I know that every bit of suffering we alleviate is more good birthed into the world. And I know I am more able to love my children, enjoy my friends, and create beautiful things because I release the pressure. We are changed by all of the things we do, and do not do. The only lasting truth is change. And I am resolved, as best I can, to continue changing myself so that I can say that I have never stopped fighting for the living.

If you have not noticed how you are changed, I implore you to start noticing. What you pay attention to grows. I hope, with all my belief in the inherent goodness of people, that we are able to intentionally make those choices. To know that we are changed when we do not deviate from routine. We are changed when we risk something new. We are changed when we sit down, or stand up, or stay silent, or speak up. All of it changes us. I want us to notice that, and then move accordingly.