Just like many other folks, I'm outta here. Not that I ever posted anything that would be an issue, but given the issues with LJ recently, and the new user agreement that binds people around the world to Russian standards, no thanks.

FWIW, I've created a dreamwidth account, and I'll try to find people there. I've also got a G+ account under my actual name (gasp!).

I've known that I'm colorblind (as most people would say) since the age of 15 when I was doing things along with all the other 15 year olds in my high school to get a learner's permit to drive. I can still remember how embarrassed I was when the instructor said -- in what seemed like a very loud voice -- that I shouldn't worry about being colorblind, just remember that the red light is at the top and the green light is at the bottom. It had never occurred to me until that moment that my vision was so very different from others.

Don't get me wrong: I knew that I didn't see colors as well as others. That had been obvious for most of my life, when they would not understand which car I meant when I said the dark brown car. But, that just led to me using different terminology to discuss things. For example, I would never refer to something by color, but rather by location or size or whatever. But I never would have imagined that someone would think I wouldn't be able to tell a red traffic light from a green traffic light!

My color deficiency bothered me quite a bit for many years, but over time, I've come to terms with it, and even embrace it in much the same way that being gay means that I'm subjected to discrimination and hate, but it also brings with it some real joys. I'm not talking about Mark here (although that is one of the nice side-benefits of being gay). I'm talking about really understanding that folks are different. When I was a straight white middle class male, I was part of the privileged majority. I took a lot of things for granted. Coming out and being hated just for being gay taught me a small portion of what other minority folks have felt for years. I still have no idea of what it must feel like to be a woman trying to make it in a computer company where some people will discount her work simply because she's a woman, or how it really feels to be a young black man targeted by the cops. But, I do know the fear of walking down a street not knowing if the car slowing down is full of people ready to jump out and beat me up or just to ask directions, or the knowledge that some people hate me and would be happy if that carload of people did jump out and assault me. That's something my brothers or male cousins have no knowledge of. It's easier for me to empathize with minorities because of being gay and what I've gone through.

Similarly, I've known most of my life that I see things differently in a real physical sense. This has made me more aware that others also probably see the world differently from each other. And knowing that people see things differently in a purely physical sense makes it easier to really believe that people "see" the world differently because of different perceptions or expectations or background. I think that it is all too easy for those who are "normal" to believe that others perceive/see/think the way that they do.

All this has come up recently because I just learned about a company that makes expensive sunglasses that purportedly help "colorblind" people better distinguish colors. And now I find myself very torn about whether or not I should spend that money. I wonder if this is how deaf people feel when thinking about cochlear implants: is missing out on colors really so important that I should spend money on it? Is this just a way to make money by making people feel like they are missing out? I've lived my life seeing things the way that I do, and basically doing just fine. Would my life be substantially enhanced by seeing more colors when outside (they are talking about also doing indoor glasses, but for now, it's mostly just for outdoors)? Is being closer to normal really something that I want to strive for?

I do think that if I were much younger, then I would get the sunglasses; I would probably enjoy seeing colors for many years (and yes, I do see the irony of saying that it was good to really understand that everyone sees things differently when wearing such glasses as a child might have kept me from learning that). But, at my age? Will my life really be enhanced by seeing a red flag waving 100 yards away, when now it only jumps out at me when I get closer?


In case you aren't sure, I'll answer the subject question for you: No, you don't see what I see. And you probably don't see what anyone else sees, either.

After much thought & deliberation, we decided to get married in our home state. We drove to Yreka and had a delightful experience. Everyone at the County Clerk's office was very friendly and helpful, and went out of their way to make it a good experience for us. Due to a bit of confusion at the last minute, not everything was signed after the ceremony, and we didn't find out until we got back home & heard the message on the answering machine. So, we had to go back to Yreka to finish off the minor details. When we did, however, we discovered that the nice people at the County Clerk's office had tried to catch us at the County Recorder's office (in case we went there to order a copy of the marriage certificate). The woman who actually performed the ceremony also gave us a copy of what she read so that we would have it to take with us.

When we did finally get to the County Recorder's office, practically the first words from the nice people there were "Did you get everything signed?". And the next words were "Congratulations".

These people could have all stuck to the letter of the law and to their strict job descriptions, but they actually put effort into trying to help us and wish us well. It's the small things they did that really helped make this a great experience for us, and I'm grateful to the kind folks of Yreka.


So far, the only real difference I've noticed is that I used to refer to Mark's parents as my "mother-out-law" and my "father-out-law", but now I have to remember to say "in-law". That may take a while to get used to. They've been my out-laws for a long time!

I'm too lazy to search for it, but there should be a scientific study of when people stop making rational decisions. I'm not talking about when people go senile or get to a certain stage of Alzheimer's. I'm talking about people who should be able to make decisions making completely bad decisions.

Example 1: at what age does someone decide that wearing sweat pants out in public (to a restaurant!) is OK? Older people do this all the time. These are the same folks who wouldn't wear jeans and who would wear a tie (or other nice clothes) to work all the time. But at some age, they decide that it's OK to wear sweat pants to a public place.

Example 2: at what age does someone decide that it's more important to them to be seen walking than to use a wheelchair in an airport, when it takes said person more time than a typical lay-over to get from arrival gate to departure gate? One person in particular has used glasses all his life, and using that "tool" is fine. But somehow using a wheelchair isn't?


I'm really curious about this stuff, because it really seems that people in their 70s start making really bad decisions that they wouldn't have made when they were in their 50s. How many more years do I have left before I start making these bad decisions?

In the song "They say it's wonderful", Frank Butler sings:

And to hold a man in your arms
Is wonderful, wonderful
In every way

Just how would he know???

Sometimes Dan Savage's ideas just blow me away. Here is a tumblr with folks showing the straight allies who helped in the recent elections. It makes me feel so good to see all these entries!

I gave up on FaceBook a while back, but here's something for anyone who's still on there to consider: On Leaving Facebook.

This column needs a lot more visibility. This shows what technology can do and how it can help people.

I just found out about "Ask a Mortician". Check out the videos here.