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mood

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calm

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so i went to a symphony tonight. i listed to the virginia orchestra plan tunes from star wars, indian jones, et, the cowboys, and jurassic park.


i really enjoyed it and i think this is going to become a new hobbie.

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mood

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pissed off

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scars and bitten lips



You know I'm getting so fucking fed up with this shit. I would for once, like to talk to a guy and not have them lie to me. I'm so fucking sick of it. It's fucking bullshit. Don't fucking lie to me. If you got something to say, fucking say it.

You don't fucking sit there and tell a girl you don't want a girlfriend till you get a fucking apartment and all this BS, just so you can be alone with them and spend time. You don't need a fucking apartment to do that. Sit there and tell the girl all this bullshit, then turn around and try and hook up with them, don't .. then a fucking week later you tell the girl you have a girlfriend. IT'S FUCKED UP, HURTFUL, AND WRONG! But guess what... I know it ain't going to last. Your to much of a fucking liar and to much of an twofaced mother fucker. One day she'll see it and I'm gonna sit there and laugh at your sorry ass. I'm not going to be there to give you a piece of ass.



Guys get a fucking grip on yourself. And to the ones who are lying .. Don't fucking go on myspace and invite friends to your birthday party. You wanna know why? The person you don't tell, well go to drop a hello on your page and see the comment "man I can wait till your party" or "hey man what time is the party? or something like that. Then when the person ask's how the party was, you wonder how they know ... that's how they know. Then your going to fucking lie to them and say it was a surprise party and you didn't know about it. Come on. Are we that fucking stupid? Guess what .. you can lie to me? I can lie right back.

You know who you are and I know you can read this. I know I will probably get a call or text from you, getting angry at me and such. I'm sorry, but I'm allowed to rant and I'm allowed to speak the truth and what is on my mind. You don't want to talk to me after this post. Then that's your choice. Not mine. But I'm done being hurt by you.



You know what. Sorry some of us aren't perfect. Sorry some of us aren't Miss America or a hooters girl or one of those girls, that gotta flash their tits and asses at a club. Just so they can hook up with a guy in the corner. Sorry some of us girls have respect for ourselves. Go ahead and pick the blonde bombshell, that mommy and daddy pamper. Cause in the end, your going to be sitting there used and hurt. Some of us girls aren't going to be there to hug you and tell you everything is going to be ok. I'm some of those girls. I'm done being your little door mat. I'm done accepting your excuses. I'm Done.

You want someone to love you? Go for the one that posts the bullitens saying "i want a nice guy like this." or "i'm that type of girl." You know, the one where they will treat their guy with true actual love. Cause you know what, half of us that post's that. Are actually like that. But you won't know, cause your thinking with the head in your pants. Your not listening with the brain above your shoulders. All you want is a piece of ass and want a one night stand.

Get a fucking clue and start thinking like a real fucking man. While your lying to the girl on the other end, she know's the real truth and all your doing is hurting her more then you will ever know.

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mood

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blah

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Really haven't had much to post since Christmas Eve. Christmas was ok, nothing special about it. Brother and his family came over. I'm starting to some-what get along with my sister-in-law. Where not as bitchy to one another as we use to be. Work is a pain as usual. I was out last Thursday and Friday sick, woke up Thursday mourning unable to speak and it lasted till about Saturday night. Went back yesterday and learned some stuff about my co-workers that make's me hate them, but I'm not going there. Still have a cough, my throat still hurt's a little.

Lot of birthdays today. Today is Chris's and Kuni's birthday and both are sick. Kuni didn't come to work today, yesterday she was feeling bad. I called Chris and left him a voicemail telling him happy birthday. He called me a told me he wasn't feeling to hot, I told him to go take a hot shower and some asprin. Best I could say, since he's working out of town. Haven't talked to him much, but it's expected when he works like he does.


So what else .... Not much really. Haven't been sleeping good and it isn't from being sick. I don't know why I haven't been able to sleep, but I'll get over it I guess. Dona says it's because I haven't gotten use to sleepig in bed. I told her I should be use to it. It's been ... 3 months. Maybe she is right. I do lay there at night cuddling with the pillow and I don't even sleep in the middle of the bed. I still sleep on my side. I've almost given up on the whole .. releationship thing. Even though I would like a guy I can see .. not everyday but as often as I can. Be able to go out and talke, spend time together. One thing I miss. Oh well.

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mood

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cynical

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happy fucking new years

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mood

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crushed

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yes i will be a little pissed. why? i break up with jon and i don't really want to like anyone or date. i start talking to chris and i'm starting to like him and i'm fighting it. we talk every night for an hour to 2 hours. he stays busy with his job and it's been hard to hang out with him and get to know him, plus he knows i like him and if he doesn't. well he's just stupid. his phone is a pain in the ass, forever dropping our calls and such. so last night i go to post on his myspace to tell him to call when his phone starts wroking again. i see a girl left him a comment. ok i don't care who he hangs out with or talks to. we are not together and if we where, i still wouldn't care. but the girls puts "hey sweety i had fun today, your such a sweetheart." i stared at it and just felt this little stir of anger in my stomach. i go to her page, looking at her pictures she has a picture of chris, same one on his page. and under the picture she put "this is chris the guy i like, isn't he adorable." then that's when i get pissed off. i'm sitting here trying not to like any guy, i see this and trying to hang out with him and all. i'm pissed and i let him know. he said he ran into some friends and she was with them, hung out with them for 30 minutes and that he doesn't even like the girl and doesn't know how she found his myspace page. i brushed it off and told him i was going to bed. he said he will call me today.




so what else. i'm trying to get back into writing again. i'm still in the same SL as before, but haven't done any roleplaying. the past couple of weeks i've been roleplaying just a little. i want to get back into it. a friend of mine where going to do a mini sl, but he's never around so.. yea. the other people i use to roleplay with (rhi, k, ke, and heather) they seem to be wanting to start some rps or are in one and i seem to escape their mind. which i don't blame them, since i'm never around. actually i am. i'm on the computer all the time, forever on aim. if i'm not on, my away message is up. yet i talk to none of them, unless i call them and the only one i can ever get ahold of is rhi. i'm not worried about her not calling me, she has her reason's and i understnad them. ke i don't talk to ever, heather .. where not that close, and k. i would expect more from him. hearing from him once every ... 6 months if not something i like. ke is wanting to start an underworld board. she want's to run it with rhi and k. it's nice to know she thinks of me. i go on my yuko name and browse the people i know, page. we where all on phs together, but no one has mentioned to me that there is a talk about a phs reunion. i feel hurt by all of this. i know i push people away and i don't try. cause when i do try, i get slapped in the face. but you know i am a person and would like to be included in things.






fuck life and goodbye.