Did I just randomly choose to blog here again after 2 years and see whether I want to continue? Arguably there’s just too many things (good and bad!) happening that I decided to not talk too publicly on Instagram 🙂 Or should I name the post “Goodbye 2023” instead?
The last day of 2023 greeted me with my first flight cancellation ever (thankfully my good friend Jay lets me stay for another night). Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, isn’t this just a snapshot of the somewhat eventful year? After all, as much as I look forward to what the upcoming year holds, this is never meaningful without learning from what happened in the past year.
Work / career is important, therefore makes sense to dedicate it here first. Now that I’m focusing more on research and less on classes, I started to feel the productive-vs-not-so cycle swinging. Earlier in the year I had acceptances of papers into ISIT and COLT to consider as “small wins”, which comes with travelling opportunities to Taiwan and India (yay!) It’s also a testament that I can at least produce something make me worthy to continue my PhD: at least from the approval I got from ISIT attendees after my presentation as I was bidding for the student paper award. The question that left me wondering was, what’s next after those projects? I was grateful for the opportunities to obtain more perspective outside my focus (empirical Bayes) via Broad Institute fellowship and several reading groups. But committing to even one of these proved harder than expected when I had to take time learning enough background knowledge while working on a new project with my advisor that I’m really identifying a feasible direction in the beginning stage. In some sense this also serves as a “turning point”, in that I’m also figuring out what direction is the best for me in the long run — besides focusing exclusively on empirical Bayes which lets me go deep but potentially lose sight on a bigger picture. After all, as much as my obsession with all the theoretical and mathematical aspects of things, it’s only useful when I can properly appreciate their applications.

My return to Malaysia over the summer signifies the end of the 4 years wait before I could see my parents again, all disrupted due to the pandemic and made even more difficult by the antipodal nature (geographically) between Boston and Penang. There, I could see the joy of my parents and paternal grandma when we all had dinner together before sending my sister off to Perth after her one-month vacation. The neighbourhood that I grew up with still looked very similar to how I remembered, bringing back all the fond childhood / teenage memories. And yet some changes that went through over the past few years looked foreign enough to remind me that it has been really a while since I last came home. Nothing, however, hits harder than that I didn’t visit home soon enough before my maternal grandma’s passing in Feburary. This sense of guilt, which I suppressed upon receiving the news, ultimately manifested upon seeing her lying peacefully in the coffin via video call: what if I actually made an effort to go back home before then (say, the winter break or the summer one before)? All these repeatedly remind me that time slips by as I continue chasing my dreams in a foreign land, and the opportunity to be with my loved ones again are getting increasingly difficult to come by.




There are some precious moments with my friends in college too, even as we’re now in different cities. The trip to London (more from this vlog), sparked by a spontaneous invitation by Jay, gave me the perfect chance to re-connect with my close group of buddies that I otherwise never had a chance to see in person after settling in different parts of North America after our graduation. Catching up over the beautiful sceneries in touristy places instead of problem sets and study sessions just felt very refreshing. Likewise, the Christmas -> year-end stay in Toronto brought back the memories of us cooking Malaysian food together over COVID, and the times we braved through the extreme winters together with various activities like skating! These are some hard-earn friendships that I made along the way, which I aspire to maintain over the next few decades.



Equally rewarding are some personal non-work milestones I’ve achieved: I have finished my first half marathon (within 2 hours)! Despite started running 6 years ago, I never imagined myself doing it beyond just sole recreational purposes, and doing so for such long of a distance never came across in my mind before (admittedly, though, I’m still not ready for a full marathon yet 😛 ). Along the way are some small gains, like running a sub-23 minutes for 5km. All these are things I never imagined 5-10 years ago when I was behaving like a couch potato (or focusing blindly on academic-related stuff when there are a lot more out there in life?) Perhaps along with the research struggles, I do appreciate that I have some freedom to pursue those.

Finally, there’s someone who is worth dedicating a paragraph for this post: an amazing young lady who came into my life middle of the year. It’s a flex to say to those college friends “your math friend is finally taken”; what’s more valuable to me is the qualities I see in her and how lucky I am to meet someone who really goes beyond what I deserve. All the good times and endless conversation on various topics aside, she truly relates to me, in that we can support each other’s individual goals and admire the uniqueness in each other. Even with a bare 7 months of knowing each other, it feels like I have learned about her at a depth that I didn’t even get to do to many others that I’ve known for years. And that’s the same for the reverse, where I could open up those previous unvisited spot of my heart / experiences, and still gain her empathy. The girl who always manages to put a smile on my face (as what my buddies observed) as I’m with her or just texting — yes that’s her. The two times she took a video of me crossing the finish line are more than enough to convince me that she will be with me as I continue to chase for various goals in life. I therefore think that whichever effort needed to safeguard and nurture this relationship is going to be worthwhile.


What do I ask from 2024, then? One big takeaway from starting a research career is to learn how to learn, and this extends to life lessons too. I did set the goals of getting better in running, publishing papers (free travel), and also continue improving my relationship with my special one. But if there’s anything that ties to all these things, it’s the continual journey of learning what I’m looking for, which would really help into actions that bring dreams to reality. Apart from these goals, all I hope for is that everything around me to be peaceful again, that my family and friends will be well and that I get to see them again soon!

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Ft some Honorable Mention that didn’t quite fit the themes above, but still worth mentioning somehow.



















