ambriella

Removing all friends & communities from here. Moved on to a different lj. Sorry if you werent invited.

It only has 1 day and 22 hours to grow before it dies! Wahhh Im not gonna make it :(. Going to go post her on the dragonspam2 comm but I really should of checked here sooner. Ive just been so sick the last week.

Help me by clicking on my dragons every day please? Hoping I can keep one alive this time! I put a link to this post in my user info so maybe that way it will make it easier for people to click.





(One is still alive!!! Im trying to get it to stay alive!)

Happy Easter everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful day.

(As for the original pagan stuff that happened on easter with or because of Ishtar, which I found out about the other day and then read up on some more of it...yeah well I might talk about that AFTER easter so I dont ruin your dinner. lol)

Off to my parents house and running late right now but I had to stop and say hi to you all!

I also have some pretty amazing news to tell you all but that will have to wait until I get back.

You Are a Jaguar

You have a knack for reforming, balancing, and even healing people. You see the good in everyone, and you help bad people learn to be better. Even though you connect to people, you can't help but feel separate from everyone else. You often feel like you are on the outside looking in, even with your closest family members and friends.

Well, that description pretty much fits surprisingly! Weird.
Its 4:30am I should be sleeping.

Ok so here is a sort of "crazy" story for you all. One of my therapist's in MA believed in spirit guides. Im not sure what I believe about that anymore but back when I lived in MA I was fully convinced that the spirit guides she talked of were real. To the point of believing that this particular one had been helping me heal emotionally for a while.

The therapist had another client who was an older lady who ended up in the hospital not able to breathe very well and was doing poorly. I had met this lady and her partner at the office just in passing a few times. One day I asked the spirit guide to send all the energy he would be using to heal me right then to her instead. That night I had a dream that I was in the car with my therapist going to visit this woman in the hospital. Only I couldnt see myself because I was a spirit. I woke up thinking it was an odd dream and shrugged it off. When I went to see my therapist the next day, I started to tell her that I told the spirit guide to send all the energy to Meredith, and at the same time I started to talk she said "I went to see Meredith yesterday". I told her what had happened with the spirit guide and her jaw dropped. She said and you are telling me this happened yesterday? I said yes why? She told me that when she went to see Meredith that day she wasnt doing very well but after she had been there about an hour Meredith woke up and started feeling much better. She got better very fast after that and was out of the hospital within a week or two. My therapist told me that she believed if I hadnt sent the spirit guide to focus on Meredith instead of on myself that it wouldnt have turned out that way because she was very sick before that and none of the doctors or nurses could believe the turn around in such a short time.

Why am I telling you all this? I dont know lol. I guess because I hadnt thought about the spirit guide in quite a while and his name just popped into my head about half an hour ago. It makes me wonder if the people I knew then are ok now. Last I heard they were all still doing fairly well. Maybe Im thinking about this because I was talking to someone about ghosts and spirits just the other night. I really dont know but just thought I would share. If you think Im nuts it wont offend me lol.

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.
( Semi-dirty jokeCollapse )

First I want to say thank you to everyone for all the hugs and support in my previous posts.

I havent been able to sleep yet and was just thinking that since I posted the crappy stuff I should continue to post what is going on with me right now. Im sure at least a couple of you (and you probably know who you are lol) wont like some of this because you are afraid I will get hurt again.

Anyway, I talked to my now ex-mistress on the phone for a little while tonight while she was on her way to work. We didnt get to talk long because her cellphone was dying. I was surprised that I was able to talk to her as calmly as I did, and didnt just burst into tears. I had to hold the tears in at one point but I managed ok I guess. The thing is I really would rather have her in my life as a friend, than not in my life at all. I just care about her that much. Even through all of this we both still feel like we have a strong emotional bond/connection with each other. She answered a couple of my questions, and she told me how it happened so quickly. She told me exactly how long she had kept it from me and I know it was the truth because thinking back, I remember one night when we were online in irc and she said she was talking to an old friend that she hadnt heard from in 3 years. That was approximately 3 weeks ago. Which is why she had said in the email that it had been bothering her so much to keep it from me and she just couldnt do it anymore. If it didnt bother her to keep things from me, I think Id be even more upset.

( cut for length in case you are tired of hearing about thisCollapse )

I really do still love her very much. But if all we can be is friends I will have to accept that because its definintely better than nothing.

I just removed a bunch of user pics. The ones that said ambri loves Mistress and stuff like that. Why is that always so hard to do? I need to change my user info but its so hard to think about not being hers anymore. I dont know what Im going to put there anyway I feel so lost and hurt. I have to leave to go to the psychiatrist in about 15 minutes so maybe I will just deal with it when I get back.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me hugs and messages.

Mistress didnt call me tonight. :(
It was Her birthday (March 15th). She usually calls me on Her way to work and i spoke to Her very briefly right as She was leaving to go out to eat earlier tonight and I thought She said She would call me later. i assumed She meant on Her way to work as usual but i guess not, or something happened. i know i need to not be baby about it but i just feel kind of sad that i didnt get to spend any time at all with Her on Her birthday.

The main thing that is important though is that She had a wonderful day. So i dont know why im thinking about myself, i really shouldnt be and i feel guilty about it.