To: Whom it may concern
My name is Alison M. Wilder, I am 22 years old. I have had a pretty rough life, and I am currently trying to work to make it better. I came from a pretty bad home life. For as long as I can remember we had are good times and are bad, but our bad were very bad, worst than most. I remember fighting with my brother at like the age of three and then my almost 200 pound mother sitting on me. I remember how much it hurt, and I couldn’t move. Also around the age of three my older brother decided to stab me in the head with a screw driver, I had to be rushed to the emergency room. The end result is a scare on the side of my face that I have to live with for the rest of my life, just because he felt the need to do it. He was never punished. I remember as a young child pillows being held over my face, and hardly being able to breathe. My parents were always fighting. My dad would call my mom a fat bitch and say how stupid she was all the time. I never really saw my parents hug or anything that showed they loved each other.
My dad is an alcoholic, well a recovering one. Most of my life he has been on the wagon, but had a huge slip up my junior year of high school, or so. That was hell. He was arrested three times in less than 8 months, twice in a matter of weeks, for driving while intoxicated. He started AA before my brother was born, and was in it for awhile. He then stopped going to meetings, but wasn’t drinking, so it was all good. I don’t know what happened, I think my brother calling him a drunk and stuff got to him so one day he drank and one thing lead to another and he couldn’t stop. He also has a gambling problem, a bad one at that. I think he’s got it curbed right now, but when we were little it was crazy. We couldn’t leave our rooms during his games, because if we did his team would mess up and it was our fault. He is still like that. We also weren’t allowed to leave our rooms at night cause he slept in the living room because he didn’t want to sleep with my mother, as he refers to her as names and things I would rather not say.
He also has severe anger issues. He yells all the time and destroys things when he is mad. Our house always had holes in the wall from his fits. One time he tore down one entire wall because he was mad. Last time I was home I had the phone thrown at me and it hit me in the head. Our cars always get destroyed because of him or my brother getting mad. He gets mad and starts screaming and destroying things or randomly calling the police for no reason on me or my brother. But when there is a reason to kick my brother out he won’t. My brother and dad fight a lot, but then again so do me and my dad. And when I say fight usually its like punching not just words. Words I can deal with, as I have had to my whole life. From the time I was little my dad would say I was a no good rotten bitch, a worthless whore and so on, but other times he was my little league coach and everything was great.
Nothing that I have ever done has been good enough for my parents, they always expect more out of me. I am a great person, I think, but I can only do so much. I would come home with one B and they would say you should have had straight A’s. I would have a great game and my dad would always say you should have done this, I was hard enough on myself, that’s not what I needed, I needed a good job Alison, I am proud of you. But rarely if ever did I get that. I work hard make good/decent grades and want a better life for myself than the one I have had so far. I can’t take the police at the house all the time. I can’t take getting told how no good I am and how I was my father’s biggest mistake, and how they should have stopped after one. I don’t need phones and other objects thrown at me. I don’t need it nor do I deserve it.
My mother is a maniac depressant. With the exception of a few major incidents as a child she has been pretty good to me. But should have left my father years ago, and still hasn’t. He calls her names and makes her feel worthless, which is not good for a person who has been a maniac depressant their whole life. She has tried to kill herself numerous times. And I had to drive her to the hospital, and I don’t want that nor do I need that. I love her, but I can’t be around that.
My older brother, now this is a fun one, he’s 24 still lives at home, and rarely works. Now that I am not around for him to attack he has been more mean towards my mother. Me and my brother were always worst enemies and best friends, but now he is dead to me. I can’t take it anymore, one day I hope he grows up and we will be close again. From the time I was tiny he loved to pick on me any way he can, and I would always go out of my way to please him, and everyone else for that matter. When I was around three he stabbed me with the screw driver. He has hit me with a baseball bat in the leg, he has hit me with metal cattle chain and I got him back with a wooden fishing rod. We basically tried to kill each other as kids, because it was what we knew. My brother has a severe anger problem, just like my father, he destroys things when he gets mad and hits whoever is around. When I was 16 I didn’t let him borrow my car one night so he could go have sex in it, so he got mad and kicked in the passenger side door, $400 worth of damage. He then went inside and grabbed our free weights and threw one at my computer while I was sitting at the computer, he destroyed the computer. Our neighbors called the police on that one, and my dad said oh no I am not going to press charges cause the car was in his name and he didn’t want my brother to go to jail. The police was always at our house, but they nor my parents would do anything.
At 17 the shit really hit the fan, for some reason one night my brother was really mad, and started threatening to kill my puppy. He was on a rampage, destroying things. My mom left to go call the police because he wouldn’t let them use the phone and he had gone mad. My dad got my puppy out of the house, and I went back in to talk him down, so he wouldn’t get in trouble. Well everything was fine until he realized that mom had gone to call the police, so he grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen and pinned me against the stairwell and said if the cops came I was dead. Well right as he said that we saw red lights, oh man I have never been that scared in my life. I don’t really remember what I said to him but I got him to look the other direction and I ran the hell out of there. The sheriff’s deputies wanted to take him away but my parents insisted they didn’t. So they didn’t, but they suggested he move out right away since he was already 19 and what not. Instead the parental figures decided to get the 17 year old senior her own place, so they rented me a place in another town.
That was okay for a few months, then I had to go to my parents place for a meeting with a school early one morning, so I was just going to shower there. My brother had other plans, he should have already been at school, 5th year senior, but wasn’t yet. And needed the upstairs bathroom to do his hair when he could do that downstairs but the upstairs bathroom was the only one to shower in. Well I went in to the bathroom to get ready to hop in and he started raising seven kinds of hell. He and I then preceded to get in a huge fight. I got some good hits on him, but basically he was beating the living daylights out of me. My mom for some reason tried to get in between us to stop us, she got pushed. He then body slammed me and stepped on my back. He left that room for awhile and I crawled to my mom’s room and laid on the floor crying until the police arrived.
I went downstairs when the police came, and they asked what happened and we all told them. It was like three different accounts of the same situation. I am not the easiest person when it comes to law enforcement and I don’t know when to shut up, so I was taken to the Juvenile detention center while my brother was taken to the county jail. I was out in a few hours, no charges ever filed, there were charges against my brother. I never got to testify or anything or tell what happened, which I really wanted to. He missed a concert he wanted to go to, so he told my parents he was going to kill me when he got out. My aunt found out about all this from my grandma and she invited me to come live with her in Florida, and my parents decided that it was best for me. So they shipped me to Florida at 17. I lived with my aunt until April when I decided I wanted to play AAU basketball in Indiana so I moved home. That was tolerable for a bit, bad fights as always. Including one that my brother threw a coat hanger and nearly put out my eye. But it paid off, I played AAU ball and got a scholarship to a Junior College to play basketball. And was out of there for a year.
That basketball situation wasn’t good, so I looked at transferring and found a school to go to, I would just have to survive the summer at my parents house. Which I did, mainly by staying with friends in the town I grew up in. I was rarely home that summer. Then I went away to school again, this time farther from them. That was great, I made the mistake of coming home for Thanksgiving though, that ended with the police at the house and a huge bruise on my arm from the sheriff. I don’t even remember what the fight was about but it was pretty bad. I went back to school and things were fine. I survived the summer again with minimal damage before going to South Carolina to a school to play ball. I got mono and got sent home from school around Thanksgiving of that year. So it was back to the parents house until January when I could get out again. I chose here because it was really far from them and not that far from my cousins and aunt in Florida, if I ever wanted to be around family.
I have been out of their house since January 12, 2004. I haven’t seen them since then. I talk to them when I need something and what not. They will help me out as much as they can when I need it. They love me and I love them, but we can’t live with each other with out wanting to kill each other. I really would like to total cut ties with my father and brother for a few years, but with schooling and needing his information it makes it hard to. I don’t want to live the life I grew up with. I want to be a normal person, I don’t want to have these demons and ghosts in my closet that I have to deal with everyday. I want a better life and that starts with getting an education and getting them out of my life totally. So I can continue to grow as a real person outside of that environment, so I can make myself and society better. It’s a cycle that must be broken and I am trying to break it on my end, I just need some help. |
