friends – What The Fibro?!

Invisible disability

barbed-wire-114363_1280

This post has originally been created in Polish, my mother tongue (link here). I’ve been writing this blog in English, since I live in an English-speaking country and this is where I get the treatment for all my conditions and where I battle them every day. But most of my Polish friends knew only a little about my health issues, if not at all. I’ve decided to let them know about my struggles not to gain their pity but to put their minds into a different perspective – a point of view of someone like me, us, people who suffer from chronic autoimmune disorders, so called ‘invisible illnesses’. This post won’t be a literal word-for-word translation of the original but all the important details and sense will be kept. Also, since it’s been a week since I wrote the other one, this one will include few updates the other one is missing.

I’m almost 35 and I have 4 autoimmune disorders, among other health issues, but those 4 are my worst nightmares.

The most recent one, from a little over 3 weeks ago, is Myasthenia Gravis (MG – not to be confused with Mycoplasma Genitalium, which is a totally different and unrelated illness ). Myasthenia Gravis is a long term neuromuscular disease which happens, when a breakdown occurs in communication between nerves and muscles. Its name comes from the Greek and Latin words meaning “grave muscular weakness.” MG doesn’t discriminate any race, gender or age although it most commonly occurs in women under the age of 40 and in men over the age of 60. It is uncommon in children but not unseen. It’s characterized by varying degrees of weakness of the skeletal (voluntary) muscles of the body. Skeletal muscles are those of legs, arms, face but not smooth muscle tissue, so it will never affect your intestines, bladder, heart, etc. It means you are not in danger of a sudden heart failure. But Myasthenia Gravis has her own ways of making your life miserable and being a life threatening condition (details to follow soon). As in every autoimmune disorder, your immune system breaks down and starts producing antibodies attacking its own cells and tissues. In MG case, your antibodies block receptors for acetylcholine (a neurotransmitter), which is located in a neuromuscular junction. As a result, acetylcholine cannot communicate with her receptors to send an impulse to your muscles, effecting in muscle weakness. So far it doesn’t sound so bad, right?

Myasthenia Gravis usually starts very innocently – droopy eyelid, lip, double vision, smooth forehead, droopy head. Later comes slow and slurred speech, dysphagia (swallowing difficulty). This is when it becomes more serious – in a myasthenic crisis, a paralysis of the respiratory muscles occurs, which requires immediate assisted ventilation in order to sustain life.

The cause of MG is not well known or explained but is believed to have a lot to do with thymus gland. It’s that silly gland that no one really knows what its function is (it’s probably a cousin of appendix?). To be fair – it plays an important role in the development of the immune system in early life but disappears after puberty and, in time, gets replaced by fat. In majority of patients with MG, thymus gland remains large and is abnormal. It’s also prone to developing tumors, which sooner or later can become cancerous. The most common diagnostics for that is a CAT scan. For that reason, most patients undergoe a thymus gland removal surgery. But this is where MG is showing us her middle finger again, because thymus gland likes to grow back! Yup.

There are several therapies available to help reduce and improve muscle weakness and keep MG under control, like: drugs improving neuromuscular transmission, immunosuppressive drugs, chemo or plasmapheresis. The latter one is effective almost immediately, but doesn’t last long term. That’s why pharmacological treatment and thymectomy (removing the thymus) have the highest effectiveness and thymectomy might even lead to remission. It won’t get you cured though, for Myasthenia Gravis is an incurable condition, but it can be managed with the right treatment.

Please, forgive the long introduction especially, that I have only managed to write about 1 of my 4 disorders so far. It’s challenging to show someone the whole picture without going into too many details. For the last 8 months I’ve been barely walking, most of the time. I just started walking sort of normally yesterday, after a really rough week. Few days ago I had to sprint over half a mile from a parking on a top of the hill, to the train station on its very bottom, because all other parking spots were taken. I entered the train on shaky legs, crying, gratefully looking at a 90 min trip to NYC to get myself together and try to get my legs rested. Then I had to take a quick walk to the Polish Consulate (it’s not far from Grand Central but far enough for me), where I was turned around with nothing, because I had mistakenly scheduled my appt for March 16th, instead of February 16th. My fault completely but aren’t consulates there to help their citizens? My scheduling mistake was a result of yet another brain fog, one of too many I encounter every single day. I had another 90 min to rest on my way back, but quite the opposite to majority of people suffering from MG, resting doesn’t bring me any relief. Now imagine me climbing up that effing hill to get back to my parking spot. I cried in pain and I’m not ashamed of it. No one will understand what it feels like, until they face that same enemy. It took my doctors over 6 months to finally figure out it was, indeed, Myasthenia Gravis, because my symptoms were unusual. One doctor, performing a blood test said – ‘I don’t think you have it, but let’s just check it’ (for shits and giggles, I guess). The result showed an abnormality and the same test repeated 4 weeks later, was identical. I was eventually diagnosed through an EMG test, during which I was literally electrocuted and stabbed with needles for an hour. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, although it still has nothing on a labor pain 😉

Besides Myasthenia, I also suffer from Lupus – one of the most vicious autoimmune disorders and its cause isn’t clear as well. It attacks internal organs, leading eventually to their failure. I’m lucky enough that my organs are, for now, untouched. I ‘only’ suffer from joint pains and have a very bad reaction to sun, which I love but it drains me out in a matter of minutes to the point, where I can’t move. I was only diagnosed with lupus in July last year and it took 6 months for the medication (Plaquenil) to finally start working. A medication that can cause serious sight damage and while being on it, it is required to see an ophthalmologist on a regular basis. A medication that I had to stop taking because it turns out it’s an antagonist to my MG medication and is known to interfere with neuromuscular communication. Putting that med away meant I was risking a serious Lupus flare up and was throwing away all those months I had spent getting used to it. Which pain between those 2 diseases would you rather choose?

As my luck would have it, the inevitable happened. The next day after stopping Plaquenil I could barely move. I felt like my body was on fire and it only kept getting worse each day. Finally I had decided I couldn’t bare it anymore and I got back to taking Plaquenil, risking who knows what kind of complications. As of today I’ve been back on it for the last 4 days and I can see improvement but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the unknown that’s waiting for me.

I’ve been sick since I remember. I used to be a very active kid and later a teenager and right now a 15 minute walk is a challenge comparable with mountain climbing. I was always sick, dealing with headaches, back and legs pain. In high school I would skip classes cause I felt like I couldn’t keep going. I would tell my friends I felt sick with a cold and that I was going home. I never went straight home, cause my parents wouldn’t understand. And my friends never believed me either. But somehow I thought making up a cold would sound better than the truth which I was afraid would make me look like a faker.

5 years ago I finally got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia – a disorder attacking soft tissue in your body, causing widespread pain and an extreme sensitivity to pain and pressure. It comes with all other ‘fun’ gadgets like joint pain, overall body stiffness, sleep disorders, mood swings, trouble remembering things and focusing called ‘brain fog’ and many more. Unfortunately, I cannot take any medication for this condition. The only one that ever helped me, caused a terrible allergic reaction and the other 2 drugs made me want to scratch my brains out. There were days where I would just fall right when I was standing, cause you never know when the flare up strikes. I couldn’t move, breathe or talk. My husband had to carry me to the bathroom, feed me, dress me. Nothing seals a relationship like wiping your spouse’s butt…

The healing process after my c-section took way longer than in most of women. For a long time I couldn’t even get up to get my baby, cause I was crying in pain. It led to depression, cause I kept blaming myself for being a horrible mother, while my own body was trying to simply finish me off.

I’m a mom of a wonderful and beautiful hurricane named Hugo, who’s a little bit over 2.5. His probable constant picture of me is his mommy with a pain grimace on her face. I can’t fully enjoy going to the park with him, playing tag, jumping on beds, etc. I’m there for him when he needs me, always, as active as I can but since the Lupus diagnosis it’s only worse. I need to unarguably avoid the sun – now how do you explain a toddler you can’t swing him, because the swing is in a full sun and you’re risking a serious weakness? How are you going to go back home later? How do you safely drive your child home, when you can barely stand?

My last demon is a Celiac Disease. It’s that ‘popular trend for not eating gluten’. Except it’s not. People without CD, who eat gluten, don’t risk serious health complications, even cancer. I heard the diagnosis in March last year and I simply do not eat gluten, cause I would like to live to tell the tale. I have people to live for. For years, before I heard the diagnosis, Celiac Disease has caused a big damage to my body, including a clinical depression due to vitamin D malabsorption and blocking my serotonin source. The latter one is produced in our brains, but you’ll find majority of it in your gut. And when your gut is sick, you’re sick. Despite taking humongous amounts of prescription vit. D, its level in my body is still low. Not as critical as a year ago, but still not sufficient enough. To make things ‘funnier’, I can’t draw it from its natural source – sun, because of my sun restrictions due to Lupus and MG.

Why am I writing about it? Because, as irony would have it, you can’t see those disorders. I’m not missing a limb, I’m not deformed, glued to a wheelchair or blind. Regardless, I’m handicapped. Because I never know what a next day is going to bring me. Whether I’ll be able to get out of bed? Because even the slightest physical activity means days of pain afterwards. Because I cannot take care of my son like I would like to.

If you see me on the street, your first thought is not going to be – ‘oh gosh, she’s so handicapped’. And if you saw me parking in the handicapped spot (which I don’t, I never applied for a permit), you would possibly think I’m faking. And I don’t mean personally you or even myself, but the society. Because judging others comes to us so naturally and too easily. Because a big part of my friends doesn’t know details. Some of them might not be interested and others might be too afraid to ask and don’t know what to say. I’m not physically, or mentally, able to tell every single person in my life what I go through every day. And people have their own problems, to worry over someone else’s.

In 3 weeks I’m going for a CAT scan. Right now I’m living like I’m standing right next to myself, not knowing what to do. I try not to worry too much but I would also like to be prepared for whatever comes.

lotus-1205631_1920 — freaking peaceful like a freaking lotus

#Blackprotest in Poland

black-protest-bw

Perhaps you’ve already heard, perhaps you have not. Poland, my beloved country is giving me yet another reason to not go back living there. It’s been all in plain sight since the extreme right wing took over the reign but one can always hope the worst case scenario isn’t going to happen. A once democratic country resembles more of a dictatorship nowadays. Every single decision the government is pushing through seems to be targeted against the people instead for them.

However, among many of the government’s new rulings, there’s one that is currently raising blood pressure of at least half the country to the point, where it has become an international matter. The matter in question is a project of a complete abortion ban. Now, let me stop you before you say you’re ‘pro life’ and find arguments to fight my point of view. As much as I don’t think abortion should be used as a mean of birth control, I can’t agree with anything the new law might introduce. Its creators want to ban the abortion even in the case of rape, incest or a direct threat to a woman’s life. Yes, they would rather have raped kids giving birth to unwanted (and most likely despised) babies, women dying due to complications during the labor or mothers grieving for the newborns who will die immediately after the birth, because of various deformities that have occurred during pregnancy but couldn’t have been caught on time, since any kind of prenatal care would be banned as well! If the fetus has no brain matter, is missing bone structure or is showing any sign of malformation, as a mother you wouldn’t even have the right to be informed about it, because the government would punish any doctor trying to help you. God (if any exists) forbids you have a miscarriage – you would be questioned by the police and the DA office, and until you’ve proven you took no part in mishandling your pregnancy and didn’t cause the miscarriage yourself, you would go to jail for up to 5 years (meanwhile rapists get less). And so will any doctor, nurse, friend, neighbor, your cat or your milkman if they had any partaking in this ‘event’. Not that they helped you stick a hanger up in your vagina or take a bath in hot water. It would happen even if they were just holding your hand while you were bleeding out in your own bed, terrified to go to the hospital in fear for your own safety. I myself had a miscarriage and went through hell and back. I cannot even comprehend what was going through minds of politicians who ‘ayed’ this bill’s project, sitting in their warm parliament seats, completely detached from the ordinary people’s every day worries. But I know what goes through a mind of a woman, who’s about to lose her child. And the last place she belongs in is jail. It’s them, who should be tried and put in jail for imposing such inhumane laws on anyone.

Are you currently participating in the in vitro fertilization treatment? You better tell your hormones and uterus to hurry up, because quite soon this could also be illegal. I’d like to put it out there in a very simple way: those who want kids but for medical reasons can’t have them, still won’t have any and those who don’t want kids, will have plenty, cause soon enough any kind of birth control could be punished by law. The question it all raises is simple as well: is the government ready to provide for families vested by god almighty with 6 or more children? Are the politicians and clergy going to support families who lost their mothers due to labor complications or self inflicted mortal wounds occurred during a DYI abortion? Are they prepared to adopt all those unwanted children, especially the ones with disabilities? Are they ready to proudly live their lives, knowing that they deprived a 11 year old rape victim of any kind of decent future? If she ever lives through the labor that is. Are the priests prepared to face the deformed newborns, look their mothers in the eyes and christen the baby before it dies? Those same priests who, so very often, secretly have mistresses and kids? Those priests, who rape young boys and then preach from their pulpits about purity and decency? Why is the Polish government so desperately and sickly following whatever the church says, this I don’t know and I will never understand it or accept it. Although I have to mention the clergy was opposed to imprisoning women under those circumstances. But The Constitution guarantees the freedom of religion and no government should favor one religion over another.

In all that madness and sadness one thing is starting to clarify – our solidarity. All of a sudden a majority of the country rises from their beds and goes on the streets – mothers, husbands, brothers, mothers-in-law, you name it. And they fill those streets with thousands and they stand for what is righteously theirs – basic human rights. Today’s so called Black Protest is not an attempt to make an abortion available to anyone on a daily basis, like fresh danish at the bakery around the corner. It’s a fight for a right to decide about your own body and, when it comes to this terrible choice, being able to choose whether to terminate the pregnancy before it kills you or keep it and live with its consequences and prepare yourself for a life of hardship. Because caring and providing for a bedridden child, who’ll never walk/talk/see/eat or use a bathroom by himself requires an unhuman strength that only parents can understand. But it’s also un-human like to deprive us of the right to make that decision.

P.S. There are voices saying the abortion ban project is only a smoke screen for a more complex and questionable issue involving new CETA and TTIP regulations in EU. Perhaps it’s true, in which case those actions should also be questioned and addressed. But even if that’s the reality, for once in so many years I see my countrymen uniting again, to fight for the right cause and there’s not a single thing that’s wrong about it. Having experienced centuries of wars, invasions, partitions and other horrors thrown in our faces, maybe we can stand our ground again and be one, yet again. Even if it turns out to be a lost cause, I love seeing my fellow Poles getting together and demanding their rights. I’m proud of people who did it.

Wake me up when September ends

September was a real roller coaster – both emotionally and physically. Challenging on many levels, with lots of ups and downs. I’ve tried yet another antidepressant and the first (and the last) pill made me so catatonic I couldn’t even pretend to be present. I couldn’t be there for my son or anyone else – luckily it was a Saturday and my husband wast here to help, since I slept through the entire day. After consulting with my doc, I never took the second dose and that lead to a major depression onset due to withdrawal, after only 1 pill! A depression so strongly clinging to me that I just cried the entire day and I was terrified, hoping this would only be temporary. After that fiasco, I was put on Adderall (for those who don’t know, it’s basically amphetamine). The first dose made me sleepy! I kid you not, I couldn’t be a drug addict even if I wanted to 😀 If speed didn’t give me the energy boost, than what ever would? Luckily, increasing the dose did its job and I finally started experiencing what I have long forgotten – having some energy. It was like a miracle – all of a sudden I wasn’t awaking sore and stiff (increased dose of muscle relaxants helped here as well), I felt like I could move mountains, I would take my son to the park every day without feeling like I was about to pass out. I had energy to play and goof around with him and I started feeling happy again. It was this funny feeling of an inner joy, like your insides were smiling 🙂 Little did I know it wouldn’t last long and here’s where being a woman strongly works against your getting better. My mood change and irritability started just around the same time when my cycle was about to begin and I was experiencing an extreme form of a PMS. Breakdowns, weeping, yelling, wanting to strangle the first person who stands in your way, etc. I do go through a pretty severe PMS every month but it’s hardly ever this drastic and uncontrollable. That only makes me wonder how many other women suffering from depression go through this hell during their cycles because of the medications they’re on. I’m confident it’s the drugs, because it changes every time my meds change and it’s a brutal mood swing. And not just for me, but also for my two men (hubby and son), who have to watch it and get through it…alive…

I have also found a great PA specializing in treating Lyme disease. In the last 15 years I had only been tested twice, by 2 different doctors, with a negative result. But if you know anything about Lyme, you know it doesn’t mean anything. And I’m not trying to add yet another disease to my current repertoire, but I need to cross out even the slightest possibility and better to be safe than sorry. I’m currently on a third week of antibiotic treatment and have 3 more ahead of me. Not that having to take more antibiotics was my life goal but I was ready to risk that if there was even a slim chance of getting better. This is my 4th set of antibiotics in the last 3 months (I had 3 sinus infections meanwhile) and you can only imagine what it’s doing to my body, but I’m sticking to it and naively (?) hoping for best.

My rheumatologist recommended I go and see a neurologist, after I had told him about my fibro flare ups, and how according to my husband, they look like some sorts of seizures. The doc said that just because I’m in a lot of pain during those episodes, it doesn’t sound like a typical seizure, but it’s something that should be checked. It feels like I’m suddenly trapped in a body that won’t listen to my brain. Everything shuts down, the engines stop working and I have no control over my body for quite a while. I drop on the nearest couch/chair, sometimes floor, lie down and wait for it to pass. Meanwhile I’m unresponsive even though I’m conscious. I can’t answer my husband’s questions even though I can hear him. I can’t get my mouth to open, still my brain registers everything around me however. My limbs become lead-heavy, my eyes and legs begin to twitch (restless leg syndrome), and I’m overwhelmed with the achiness of my entire body. That kind of pain is very difficult to describe and only someone who goes through the same, would know the meaning of it. Imagine your sore muscles after a good work out at the gym. Multiply it by 10 and now imagine your body is a medicine ball and you have to lift it and keep its weight without breaking. This is not a very accurate description but it’s the closest I can think of. Each ‘attack’ lasts for anywhere between 30 and 90 minutes. After it’s passed I’m extremely exhausted and all I can do is to crawl to my bed and try to get some sleep. The next day I’m still hungover from the pain.

Right now I’m on so many different medications, that I started turning it into a joke and say it’s a miracle I don’t glow at night yet. Truth to be told, I don’t’ know if I need them all. Some of them help, the others I’m not so sure of. But if there’s a slightest hope for improvement, I’ll take my chances and will serve my family as a night light, once I eventually do start glowing at night 😉

I recently took a photo of my pills organizer. Those are not even all of the meds I take. If only they had any nutritional value, I wouldn’t need food to survive… 20160923_181101

New month means new life turns and adventures. Here’s to a happy October! (I hate fall )

Brain of pain

Next week I will have been on Plaquenil for a full month. All this time I had my hopes up and I have been let down. I think that secretly I was hoping for a miracle drug, gasping for air in between bad days, wishing for a change in my life. That change hasn’t happened so far. Lupus is still kicking my ass and every day I wake up sore, swollen and overwhelmed. I wake up fatigued, because even though for the last 3 years I can finally manage to sleep through the night, my dreams are extremely exhausting. They’re so vivid, realistic and mentally challenging it feels like my entire body has been working out at night, my brain including. And it never stops…My brain has been working out really hard the last couple of years, after fibromyalgia diagnosis, and I eventually realized that I wasn’t turning stupid, I was just having brain fogs. I had to put twice as much time into processing certain things in my brain in order to comprehend the reality around me. While I couldn’t focus on more complicates things, like a science show on tv or how to build a helicopter out of a toothpick, I was crushed by the fact even the simplest shopping list was a challenge. Every single thing around me was taking up its glove to combat me in most ridiculous duels. I would usually lose miserably. I couldn’t focus on anything, couldn’t remember a thing. I couldn’t, and still can’t remember whether I had just taken my medication or not. I have reminders set for those things and I still forget. I need a reminder for a reminder… I’ve mentioned that before that I’m not capable of learning new things, especially when they require some brain engagement, like reading, soaking up some knowledge, new words, etc. It’s tragic, if you think about it. I’m only 34 and for the last few years I’ve been trying to learn French, giving up few times because I couldn’t keep up with the new words and rules. It’s a personal tragedy for me, because I used to be this hyper organized person, who was never late and who remembered EVERYTHING.

I keep my brain working by reading books, but even that is a challenge. Another dare is to make my brain tell me to do the stretching every morning. I developed my own stretching routine, for all my sore joints and muscles and it’s very helpful. If I skip my exercises, and that happens a lot, I need over an hour each morning to get better and feel energized and flexible enough to start my day. Routine is so extremely important in this case and, guess what? Yet another thing I forget, duh!

I feel like I’m 80 years old, most if the time and I literally haven’t felt well for the last 15 years. I don’t even remember what it means. So I do what most of us does – suck it up and keep going. And every day I’m more and more tired and I feel like I can’t keep doing it any longer. And then the next day comes and same things happen. It’s a groundhog day, every day and it gets even worse when you have kids 😉

My depression hasn’t really subsided much yet, although I definitely feel a little better than 5 months ago. But other than not crying every day anymore and being a little less helpless, I don’t feel that much of a change. I’ve tried 5 or 6 different mood stabilizers and antidepressants. Most of them made me worse almost right away. Wellbutrin seems to be doing the trick right now and keeping me stable but it’s not making me better. And it’s really hard to tell where the depression ends and lupus and fibromyalgia start. They have so many common symptoms you have to target each of them at a time and hope to aim well.

Just today I was thinking about going back to work, maybe finding a different job and while I could use some adult company and just get out of the house, I couldn’t imagine myself doing it. There was a blank space where the specified career path was supposed to be and I couldn’t fill it with anything. I’m not ready for the world yet. I would like to, I yearn for it and still I can’t at the same time. My dear friend has just recommended me a book, that she had read and found useful and effective. I got it at the local library and was shocked to discover it was first published in 1909…I guess I’m about to find out how timeless that book is and for everyone else willing to find out as well, it’s How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie.

The one about Asia (not the continent)

Asia (pron. Ash:a) is a Polish diminutive for Joanna. It’s also my close friend’s name. A friend, who had suffered a ruptured aneurysm on June 5th last year and has remained in a hospital ever since.

Why am I writing about her? Because every time I feel hopeless, sick and depressed, I think about Asia and feel terrible right away. Because right next to hers, my problems don’t seem to be so troubling. Not that they aren’t at all, but even with the worst fibro/lupus/depression onset, I’m nowhere near to what she’s going through. Brain surgeries, tubes stuck in her body for almost a year, being glued to a bed for such a long time your own body forgets what it’s like to move. I don’t want to go into details, I want to respect her privacy and not write about her current looks (and she’ll always be beautiful), what she has to go through every day, what kind of torturous therapies she has to face. But she’s made such a great progress already. While still not being able to move freely, she can communicate with a pen and a piece of paper, and sometimes she speaks a little. She can finally feed herself, in a limited manner of course, and eat something solid, instead of IV fluids. She will give you thumbs up when she’s happy and agrees to something, or thumbs down and a frowny face and dirty look when she doesn’t feel like doing something – like last weekend, when I took her for a stroll in her wheelchair down the hospital corridors, despite her thumbs down to that. But I said – tough poopies, Asia, you need to see something else than just those four walls, let’s look through a window in a hall, let’s see some green trees. And here’s when my 2 year old starts counting carts of a passing train – two, nine, ten, fourteen, sixteen, two. Oh well 😀

Yes, I took him with me and it wasn’t the first time. I took him, because as much as I would like my dear friend to see as many people from her life as possible, I’d also like for my son to remember Asia not just how she was before but the way she is right now, in this hopefully passing state. On our way to the hospital, when I told him who we were going to see, he said: Asia’s scary. And that worried me and made me exceptionally upset. But I understood a child’s reaction to a scary hospital environment. And whether he remembers Joanna (doubtfully, cause he was too young) from last year, or not, I’m sure the current picture of her is not his favorite one. But he did great! At first he was shy and not too eager to engage in a conversation, but after a while he would blow her a kiss and say her name and then say good bye to her. And it was one of the most precious moments I will forever cherish. I want him to be sensitive to those things. I want him to understand there are people who need us, and one day we might need them the same way. And friends are forever, or at least they should be. We don’t’ abandon them just because they’re sick.

That was 4 days ago and already yesterday he kept asking me in the car: see Asia today, yes? He already wants to go back and see her again and I couldn’t be more proud of this little, tiny person with this amazing personality and heart.

I can’t believe it’s already been a year and I wish the events of that horrific night would have had a different impact on those dear lives around me. I can’t turn back the time, but I can make sure I don’t’ forget. Joanna has 2 amazing daughters, who need her and who love her with all their hearts. It’s too hard to write more, this will tell the rest:

https://www.gofundme.com/Joannarecovery?fb_action_ids=10207520382993078&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=m_d_ty

40936_1459312854775_1592020218_31064166_6641412_nv3