It has been awhile. Quite awhile. I cannot remember the last time I wrote in this thing, this wonderful thing. However, the time has come for me to once again spit out what I have been thinking, doing and pondering.
To begin with, I had a simply fantastic Thanksgiving Break. It was, quite possibly, one of the best breaks that I had. I really enjoyed having all of my family around for the week. Also, it was fun to be able to spend time with my wonderful dog, Belle, whom I love greatly. The house was also a blast to be back in. There is just something relaxing about the new house. Whether it is the valley that it is nestled in or the serene peace that enfolds me when I am home, I do not know. One thing is for sure, though, I love being home.
While the above things were simply fantastic, what really made the week even better was being able to spend time with all of my high school friends. Every single night we chilled, even Turkey day. It was just a blast being back with all of the old friends. We laughed, we remembered old times, chilled and added to the memories that already were in place. It is also really exciting to see where and what everyone is going to do. We are all graduating in May whether we are ready or not....
Then came this week...a sharp poke back at reality and why I get frustrated being back at school. It was like a jab (sp?) from a sharp knife, right into the side, reminding me that yes, I am still in college and am not close enough to being finished with this place.
It is difficult to see the changes that have befallen everyone over the past four years. Without a doubt people have grown into who they are and through this action have become different people. It is inevitable and a wonderful thing to witness, even when this newly created individual can just flat out annoy and frustrate you.
Everday I get more and more evidence as to why I am ready to graduate and get on with my life. Next semester is going to be so hard for me. While it is going to be relatively easy academically wise, no thesis or comps, gen. ed. classes, etc., I will be only wanting to finish the year and move on to whatever is ahead of me.
And get away from people that are irrating. I have no patience for somethings of late and really I guess I have never had patience for them.
Anyways...enough said. Life, in all, is going most well. Now, though, I am sleepy and it is time to rest my weary head on a soft people.
This weekend I decided that I am ready to graduate. I am ready to get away from this school and into real life. I am ready to be gone away from people that irritate me, people that cannot handle life, people that do not know how to handle things as a college student would.
Damn. I am just ready to get away and take on the world. It is not even senioritis. It is just flat out annoyance at people, dislikes of attitudes about things and frustration over situations that I have no control over.
Sometimes, people just need to grow up.
Life is good though. Horseback riding this weekend was fantastic. The stick game, as always, was most enjoyable.
The new roommates are a drastic change to the old ones but yet a welcomed and excellent change. So far, this year has been an excellent time, at least with the roommates. However, when I get out of the room, things just seem to sometimes fall apart and crumble. Oi vey. All I want to do is graduate. That is it. Move on with life and not have to deal with people's shit anymore.
Do not judge me. Ever. You are not God the last time I checked. If you want to piss me off judge me. Spend one day as me and the experiences that I have been through, then you can judge me. Until then, however, do not.
Whatever.
Alomst done with this place. Thank God. I will miss the campus and its beauty. I will miss the memories and fun times.
I will not miss some people, events or memories that have taken place here.
Once again, I write. Who knows what I shall transcribe upon this so called journal. I am doing better then I have been.
I am completely ready to graduate from college and begin life in the real world. Without a single doubt in my mind am I ready to do this. Soon, I know but that soon is still so exceedingly far away. Patience and I cannot forget that I do indeed have one more year of time to spend on this college.
Some people, to be honest, I just do not get. Decisions that individuals make are sometimes very baffling. Common sense and maturity are often times lacking in those circumstances. Oh well.
Boring people irrate the hell out of me. What kind of fun is it to just sit around all the time and not dooo something. Good God, I would go crazy.
Saturday night was good, real good. Actually, Saturday in general was good, fantastic actually. Good football game, good dinner and good Toga partying. It was very enjoyable to do something on a Saturday night with large, large groups of people instead of just sitting around and watching a movie or something along those lines.
Friday night was good, too. The future in-laws met. It was awesome. Both sets of parents seemed to get along rather well; which was a very good thing, a very good thing indeed.
Finally, after this appreviated bit or so, I am doing what everyone else seemed to do several weeks ago and that is to say something to 10 people.
1. What happened? You and I used to be such good friends. Then you changed. You went from being fun to being down right irrating. You critize people and then take it way to far, pissing the hell out of me. Do not do that in front of people. You are also a know-it-all and that really frustrates me too. I do not care if you have to act that way to make yourself feel better or whatever else it could be, no one likes it, espically me.
2. & 3. I have to include both of you in in one paragraph seeing as it is the best way to handle the situation. Both of you used to be alot of fun but now you have changed, completely changed. You do not include us. You forget about us. You ignore us. Why? Also, you judge us, too and that in of itself is just as frustrating. You are not God, do not judge me.
4. Sorry. This is the only word that I know. I am sorry for having lead you on that summer. I never meant for it to cause you pain, never. We had some good times but there was no point in reopening those good times. The summer we spent together was indeed good but it just was not right. So, yet again, I am sorry. I am glad, however, that you still at least want to be my friend.
5. I have very little to say to you. The summer would have gone by so much better if I did not have to wake up every single morning to see you. It sucked that I was already having to sleep in a crowded cabin on a short bed but to have to wake up and see you all the time, dang. You were always late and never took responsibility for anything. Always, always! You blamed things on others. Grow up, act your age.
6. You are a great joy to have in my life. The time we got to spend together was most excellent. It is very sad that thousands of miles and vast oceans seperate us. I know you are doing well, that life is going smoothly for you. Perhaps one day I will get to travel over there, to the other side of this world and we can greet each other once again as friends. Until that point, you will remain as a friend forever, someone who helped me develop a greater understanding for life.
7. You. YOU. Indescion is your name. 0 time for anything goes with you too. Controlling, that is good, too. Do you expect people to wait for you all your life, do you? Do you expect to be protected by a computer screen all your life, never talking to people beyond that about your problems? Why did you not just go ahead and call her a whore, that is what you implied all of the time. What difference would it have been if I had waited, huh? Not a single bit if you ask me, nothing would have changed. You have caused too much pain, frustration and anger. Grow up.
8. Backstabber. You always decided to go behind my back, always. All you ever had to do was be honest. That is all. But no, you left me, all of the time. All of the time. Jerk. I am glad that I do not have to see you anymore, so glad. All that you ever caused was frustration. Good luck in life. I know you will be a success.
9. Do not change.
Sorry. I only have 9. Whoops. I tend to like to be able to say all that I have to say to someone.
This journal entry is not designated towards anyone in particular. In fact, it is a complete rant and raving of what is going on through my head at this very moment. If you are faint of heart, do not like the over use of colourful metaphors or are easily offended do not read this one.
I, however, would greatly suggest reading it--each and everyone of you. Remember, please, that I love all of you greatly and I would not go into the depths that I am reaching into right now if I did not love you all. I feel that now, finally, is the time that I can express all the frustration, irratiation, annoyance and anger that has been bottled up inside of me since last October. Why do I feel this way? Well, quite simply, I am very pleased at certain phone calls and communications that were re-established in July or June and so now I can express all that I was and still am going through right now.
So, please, sit back, I would say enjoy but it probably will not make many a happy person, what I have to say as I dive into the depths...
*edit*
How to begin this entry? Hot damn is it going to be hard. In fact, some of you may not enjoy reading it at all and to be completely honest I do not give a rats ass.
I mean shit am I frustrated right now and I really should not be. I am pretty irrated at people's insecruties, inabilities and faults. Come on guys, we are 21-22 years old and mostly seniors in college. After this year, most of us WILL be starting the real world and if you cant handle it the world doesn't give a fuck.
Understand this, I am not angry towards my wonderful girlfriend. In fact she and I are doing quite well and are set to celebrate our 1 year anniversary in 2 months. 1 year! Holy shit is that awesome and it has been the best year I have ever had the privilage of going through during the past 22 years of my life. And do you all know what? One day we are going to get married. What do I have to say about that? Fuck everyone of you that had a problem with us dating, fuck all of you who had a problem with the way it was handled and fuck all of you who think we are not good for each other; because it is either that you are jealous or too ignorant to see a good thing because all you are used to seeing is a bad relationship. Fuck.
(And if ANY of you have a problem with what I just said come talk to me and say it to my face instead of being a coward and talking behind my fucking back. If you do indeed find the courage to do that I WILL NOT yell at you but rather respect what you have to say and find a deeper respect for you as a person because you were able to be MATURE and discuss it with me rather then keeping it from me and talking behind my back).
I know I am ruffling some fucking feathers but I don't give a fuck. It has been a long time since I have gone on a good rant but some stuff has certainly reached a creshendo and pissed this giant the hell off.
There are several reasons that it has come to this. To begin with, I am very frustrated at people who, instead of discussing issues and problems, decide that it is time to make new friends and basically flush old friendships down the toilet. What the fuck is wrong? What the fucking fuck!? How difficult is it to tell someone what is wrong instead of running off and hiding in a corner like a little kid? I guess it just baffles me how you could throw years and years of friendship away because YOU cannot pluck up the courage to tell someone what is wrong. What the Fuck!?
The second thing that pisses the hell out of me is know-it-alls. Stupid fucking people who believe they know everything and decide to tell you how to do stupid common sense shit. What the FUCK!?!? Do you think I am fucking idiot?! I know what to do and what not to do. Do Not talk down to me like I am a child, telling me how to do things. Just because you may take harder classes, go to more acedemically challenging schools, or perhaps make better grades does not give ANY right what-so-ever to act like you can tell me how to do things. Dumbasses. What the fuck makes you think that you are so much better and smarter then me to be able to do suck a thing? I mean, realy. What the Fuck??!
One final thing, after which I will begin to find an end, is that some people seem to have an incorrect assumption that I have an anger problem. For those of you who have this misconception, I feel sorry for you. I will openly admit that 12 years ago, I did have an angry problem. But who wouldnt when you lose your grandfather, your two best friends and hit puberty in like a 3 month span? (The further details of this story are for perhaps another time, but it could really be a book rather then something short for it is the story of my life). When I get angry or annoyed I become very focused on solving the problem. This focused energy comes out in a smart ass tone and a mean, angry voice that lead people to believe I have a problem. I do not get mad a whole lot or ever really except when people are rude to me, ass holes to me, act like they have a problem with me and will not tell me what the fuck is wrong; or when I am lied to (avoiding telling the truth also falls under this category).
In closing, I am rather sorry if I have offended any of you. I generally like most of you all and would go far enough to say that you are all friends whom I love deeply. Understand that none of this is directly targeted at any of you individually. If you have a problem with anything that I have said, please, I implore you to talk to me. I would rather you talk to me and tell me what you feel I have done wrong so that I can apologize and WE can work together to find a solution.
All of this frustration reached a boiling point with me just holding it in until I could get the fuck away from college and be at home. It dates back to the time of the great exodus of basically all of my roomates, brothers and good friends. One died, One graduated, One transferred to MTSU and One became a commuter. Two of us remain of the original six. TWO. I am not going to lie when I say that I have been devestated to have lost a large portion of my good friends. I am not going to lie when I say I have cried many tears over it. I feel like I have to start all the way over and it's my freakin' senior year...and it hurts like hell to have to do that. It's like all my bestest good friends straight up and left. Wait! They did. Fuck.
Anyways, I got to go. Remember that I love all of you. Remember that this rant is not targeted at any one of you. Just know that all of this has been piling up for quite sometime and a release of it was very much needed.
Good God can death and the ending of things--like the almost complete emptying of my room--hurt like fucking hell. Even Now. Still. Damn.
There is always hope, I know, but sometimes that hope is so dim and far off that it takes a great deal more work to seek and find it. Yet it is always there, raining down from above.
Greetings my old friends. It has been far too long since I have written anything of consequence in this hallowed journal thingie. Please forgive my lapse and inactive mind.
The summer has come to an end, almost. Each and everyone of us are on the doorstep of a new year of college. Most of us, it will be our final time returning for the summer. How very sad but yet totally super exciting. Real World...Here we come, ready or not.
I have really enjoyed what I have done this summer. Even though most of it has been writing grants and developing other materials to get the programs up and running, it has been a great deal of fun. It has also been most excellent to work on the farm. I mean, I can just go out to the farm and see 80 goats whenever I want too. Thats fliipin' awesome or at least it is to me. They may even have a job for me when I graduate...which, in of itself, would be fantastic. I would have a way to earn money right out of colleege=fantastic.
There is one things that I have been witness to this summer. It is so amazing to see the level of differnec between my friends from High School and my friends from college. I mean, to put it simply, there is no comparison. It is day and night, summer and winter. Also, the different ways in which the two groups interact with one another, carry themselves and walk through life are on such opposite ends of the spectrum that it is beyond words. It would be an extremly interseting moment of time to see them all mix and mingle.
I cannot find the proper words to express how my heart feels. I seach but I exhaust all possibilities. How can I describe a smile that captures me? How can I express the way I feel when her hand is gently in my own? How can I explain the way it feels to have her nestled within my arms? The distance is so very far but when that distance is no more it makes every little moment completely worth the time on the phone, the $$$ for gas and the longing of the heart. When words are no longer adequate, my mind races to precious moments and a forever smile within me and outwardly expresses all that needs to ever be said.
Anyways, sorry for the cheese. Never Again, I promise!
Guess what? I am going to Africa, for a graduation gift, from my Grandmother...as long as her health holds up that is. Safari here I come!! I hate to say it, but it is nice being one of two grandsons and the other one being married and making enough money to go wherever and whenever he wants.
Pray that her health holds up, pray that my health holds up, pray that nothing else bad happens.
Argg, I have meself a pirate name mateys...beware me!
Your pirate name is: Iron Tom Roberts A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Two things complete your pirate persona: style and swagger. Maybe a little too much swagger sometimes -- but who really cares? Arr!
Almost over. Almost finished. Almost complete. That is all there is too it. One more week of exams then I am a senior. It is kind of scary, eh mates? But yet, awesome. One must step before we take the great plunge into the abyss of real life.
And it will be awesome good.
This semester has come and gone like whoa. So much has happened. Yet, finally, the time has come for it to end.
I have buried a friend, brother and roommate. Something I have no desire to do until we are all 90 years old.
I have enjoyed the rebirth of old friendships and the deepening of many others as the semester has churned onward.
Oh yeah, as I parked my car tonight, some girl totally punched in a window in the back of Beeson. She was pounding on the window like nothing else. Then, all of a suddenly, the glass shattered, she cursed and ran off. WTF? Why do you punch a window. Nothing good could every come from that. Oi Vey.
Anyways, enough of my pointless ramblings. It is now time for me to go to rest and dream of all that I hope to one day do and accomplish.
Sorry to be mushy but an important date is upon me...
I think that I am the luckiest guy in the world. Almost 7 months of pure awesomeness with a girl who I have fallen hard for :). Happy 7 months 1 day early. May this 7 months lead to 7 years then 7 decades then to eternity. Forever resting in each others arms as the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades unfold before us. Jumping into the future together. I love you.
And for now, world, sleep well. Dream of the ones who have gone before you, dream of the ones with you and dream of the ones to one day come. Dream on. Never forgetting of what you have done, seen or experienced. Dream of things even when you feel there is no hope to dream. Dream of things with the rising of the sun, the silver glow of a full moon or the soft dew of a new fallen rain upon green grass. Never forget to imagine all that can happen. Forever dream of all that has yet to come
