I’m white. Which matters only in so far as that fact has shielded me from the worst that my country has inflicted on our own people and on others around the world. I am a woman, and I have been poor all of my life. So I have seen some of the ugly side of the system and our culture.
That’s my disclaimer, to let you know where I began.
I grew up believing in the myth of America. Or I guess myths. Specifically I believed that the founding documents, the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights were something that this country really and truly pursued and believed in. Fifth grade that belief started unraveling. But it took awhile for me to see just how much of the myths of America were complete and utter propaganda. That is, they were pretty words that virtually no government body at any point ever actually pursued with any genuine effort.
That hurt my feelings. I felt super betrayed and let down and god damn did I hate this country for the lies and the failure to live up to what were pretty decent ideals. I mean, yeah...the language was insufficiently inclusive (all ~men~) and then of course there was that whole...Not All Men (because slavery somehow was just glossed over) bit. But you know, the basic concepts, those were great!
Later I realized what a privileged, entitled reaction that was for me to have. Because even though I’ve always been poor, I’ve also always been white. And that provides a HUGE cushion from the horrors of our Unjust System, particularly in the cities where I’ve always lived.
But those ideals: that all of us are created equal, that we have equal worth and equal rights? Those I still 100% believed in. I just had to push past my Whiteness to see just how poorly those ideals have been applied to the vast majority of people in this country.
That is an ongoing process, and will be for the rest of my life. But it is one that I am committed to pursuing because I really, truly, unironically believe in the ideals of Equality. In my early twenties I encountered the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and I was like, aha! Because that was so much in line with my own personal ethical positions.
Anyway, to get to the point of all this, I have for quite a while now had no great love for or pride in my country. I could not see any reason to be proud of a country founded on genocide and slavery that then turned around and in the 20th century in particular started visiting even more horrors on other countries around the world. I mean, I was...I AM...ashamed of what this country has done. What I, in my ignorance, was complicit in.
I admit to falling in love with many things about Russia. I was fascinated by the ideals, hah god I’m an idiot, of the Soviet Union. I went to the Soviet Space exhibit when it came through my town and was just awed by the cosmonauts.
Growing up in the 80s, with the whole Cold War thing and then Glasnost and Perestroika and the heavy threat of nuclear war. It made me highly sensitized to the USSR on some level. When I learned of American atrocities and failures, the USSR seemed the lesser of two evils. Again, it took time for me to learn how horrific the USSR had been. There is no real way to say which of us is worse. Both sides were so fantastically and banally evil. The dick measuring contest between our nations has caused untold horror, and continues to do so.
Nevertheless, this is my country. This is my home. And at the end of the day, I still believe in the ideals that I was told the country was founded on. Even though the founders apparently didn’t.
So when this past election rolled around and the Republicans and their reality show travesty ‘won’, I was horrified. As each week passes and more and more information comes out showing just how thoroughly Russia and the Republicans and 45 colluded to alter the election results, I have become increasingly angry.
It turns out, I am a patriot after all. I am loyal to the ideals this country pretended to be founded on. Because I actually believe in those ideals and I believe that we CAN make this country live up to those ideals.
But the traitors have to go. 45 and every single person who has colluded or collaborated or turned a blind eye to the out and out treason has to go. They have to go to jail. And we have to rip apart the corrupt structures that undermine our ideals.
I don’t know how to accomplish this. But I know where to look for answers. It’s time to listen to those Americans who this country has done all it can to grind into nothing, and to follow their lead. Because White people cannot be trusted to see past our own blinders. Even those of us who mean well.
To save this country, we have to commit 100% to the ideals that it pretended to begin with. And we have to center the voices of those our country has most ardently tried to destroy.
I believe in what America can be. I believe that is worth fighting for.
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