psuedo iterative
got some candy and a sweet thing
a sweet saying?

collecting the moments, avoiding calling my father?
tell me when i don't need you any more. something you're going to get something here you're right in the middle and then something is coming back again. i remember the summer in abaddon. i don't want to go to where you're not... so it's beulah land? i've got a fever above my waist you've got a squeezebox on your knee and yes i swear you're the fiercest calm i've been in. fierce calm. particle by particle just another fix can i weather this.

even though people change they mostly don't forget. so what is change, if iterations move us along to another self, but those who define us just store them as a sum and i a product, i guess. not as clear, but built upon orders of magnitude more.

who cares how you love if you are not loved.

i want to document this somewhere somehow. a decade+ after her as a zeitgeist for my life, i saw tori amos last night. alone somehow the second time i've done that. my own fault, tbh. probably just wanted it that way. not that i'd forgotten how judgmental tall adam is, after all.

that was all.

and later, now, still. i've come to love beulah land.

i forgive the blows that hurt me i forgive the stillborn hopes i forgive the indifference instead of grief i choose forgetting instead of vengeance i choose victory.

unzips her skin finally determined through a window in the dark
there he sits all alone
I've been waiting on the love of my life to find he's been waiting on his Selkie to come back he said "I know these shores are not like yours but will you make your home in my arms?" selkie battled tide and wave just to gaze upon his face hiding behind rocks to learn
if he found a new love

Loralie sings the song for Lovers who were torn apart then left broken hearted Loralie hears the cry of Lovers who the Sea of Fate has separated

if you find the Vicar's wife running through the rain on her way from St. James to Mary's in the field you'll find she plays guitar sometimes with her band

but she plays the bass like a Messiah

and i always got the feeling you just liked to hear it fall

off your tongue

but i remember my name

in your mouth

and i don't think i was done hearing it close to my ear on a whisper's way to a moan
but pavlov hits me with more bad news every time i answer the phone
so i play and i sing and i just let it ring all day when i'm at home

AGH. why can't i just. do the things i need to do.

why not.

assume a spherical cow.

Too many things are changing at once.

It's a lot to handle. :(

circles and circles and circles again.

that wasn't kind of you.



i was always kind.

the night is like a moment, a love, a dream, aloud. a kiss. a cry.
fleeting things, all things i seem to dwell on. nothing sinks in, not who i am, or where i'm going. none of the future makes sense except him. i wish i was my own sometimes... that the things i wanted made sense.

i'll just stay here.

a night alone is hard, i wish it wasn't. i wish i was better.

how much is enough?

calmer, now, some release, new anxiety replaces old. time to test something new for a few minutes at least.

promiscuity is research and development evolution begs embellishment.

how are you going to know what you need/what you like til you've been around the block.

i know, now, then. wiggling closer to the light, i'm want to change the world. i'm going to change the world.