Didn't think i'd be back here, thought i had outgrew this space. might or might not be the last post but i just wanted to document what life feels like at this moment. taking a snapshot i suppose?

we both took a leap of faith back then, it was prolly harder for you than it was for me. couldn't have made it this far without christ being our foundation - i used to question how it would look like to have a r/s built in christ and i see it now. i see it when you put your interests aside and put mine first, going the extra mile to make me smile (cringe), stepping out of your comfort zone to meet mine, reminding me time and again of our cornerstone, choosing the right and loving words to say when i'm at fault. you've displayed so much grace in our r/s, i understand what it means when christ said "go and sin no more" - it means to not be self-seeking but respond with grace too, because of the grace that i've been shown. i've been struggling w eczema for a few months now (it comes and goes but unfortunately, it flared up at the start of the year and worsened recently) and earlier on in the day before you proposed, i just felt so grossed out by my own skin. my mind was so occupied with this disgusting eczema and the impending itch that comes aft every meal, i didn't think you'd propose. but you did and i bawled like a baby when i heard your speech. you reminded me of the good and bad times (tbh the bad times weren't that bad when you're such a good person), what we would be going through and how christ has helped us throughout these 2 years. it was a future promise to put christ first, just as how he has put us first and died for us when we don't deserve it. i'm excited for the next phase of our life. we shall keep learning and loving, striving to display christ always! to God be all the glory forever and ever.

loved beyond skin-deep, only because of the unconditional love that christ has poured out for us all.

(title is as such because of a random memory that sprang to mind: we were in the car, i was getting upset and worried about the future but you continued to encourage me as "all i have is christ" played in the background. oh dear me i am so very blessed)

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2018: started my first job learning about what i love, alongside passionate people who are sooo smart. the offer dropped into my lap, without me hustling (not that i can hustle i think i'm underqualified lulz), just pure rest in christ. began reading John with a lovely girl from church. joined a cg tgt w cliff, hoping to journey w these god-loving, god-fearing people. bolder in sharing the gospel w my fam. hoping to start volunteering. not sure what lies ahead but am committing every step of the way to God, knowing he will guide my path and make it straight. am vvv blessed, God has been so good.

wow, it's been awhile since i last visited. so much has happened the past 12 months... losing, loving, learning. went back to using a journal to document the thoughts i have and the things i go through, just to rmb God's goodness and faithfulness through the many seasons in my life. and it's so helpful to rmb and to reflect on the promises that have come pass. and also, to rmb the conviction that i have at that point of documentation. it's so easy to forget and doubt again :( but writing it down brings to mind all that i felt at that very point and reminds me to never take it for granted. this past year has been a rollercoaster ride.

and through it all..... i am glad :> it takes more faith to believe that God isn't real. When i look at all that You have created, the people You have made to reflect Your image; how is it possible that You don't exist? and when i consider my answered prayers, the love that i feel everyday; how is it possible that You don't exist? i can't ever fully grasp the idea that everything happened by chance.. i rmb learning physics back then and thinking, wow how can it be that the pressure earth experiences is just right. how's it possible that so many things just fall into place nicely? this has gotta be the master's design!

In less than 2 weeks' time, i'll be off for my very first adventure in Europe (and USA!) and i rly can't wait to see w open eyes the creations of Your hand and to experience Your presence in a faraway land.

God, You are SO SO BIG. and i pray i'll never limit You and the works You wish to do.

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
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Every crisis is a test of faith, an opportunity for our faith to be tested again and again. until we know from the very core of our soul that God is still good, He is still sovereign.

and with every season that life brings, God is still present. and perhaps i am just learning to take comfort in the fact that nothing is permanent, not even the seasons that i'm placed into. it is hard but we learn from every situation. some days the sun is hidden, some days you feel alive again. fall only to get back up again, in time to come. a whole new level of low, but it's alright - we all go thru this (perhaps in diff forms). it gets easier, not all the time but slowly. it feels like a series of moving back and forth, with much inertia dragging one backwards. it will be okay. we will be okay, in His time.

all is vanity. 

feels weirdly strange, as tho i have been transported back to the past. the thot of staying up at night while the lights slowly go off.... i rly like how it is at night, when the light in people's homes go off one by one as if they are all safe and sound and ready to sleep. i always associated it with the feeling of victory, like a day has been conquered and i love how the entire family is sound asleep. it gives off much peace :>

tonight makes me feel insignificantly tiny.. tumblring and seeing what a vast world it is out there. and perhaps my thots feel the same as well. its funny cos my mind does feel far away and i cant rly access what i am thinking exactly? prolly too much. just need someone to drive me arnd aimlessly. or you to keep me company till the dawn breaks

its like a million things to do but yet i chose to bask in this weird strange feeling ahhh my readings.

feels like i just wanna be held to sleep tonight, till morning comes and i feel normal again

woweee hi there blog. it's been a rlly rlly long time :'(

in short, summer has been rlly good to me, esp gg HK and manila and boracay - all in the month of may! now that im back, i just started work and i think i'll be working for june AND july ;( but oh wells i need the money to cover my spending overseas haha its scary how fast my bank depletes T_T so yes werkwerk to try and top it up so i can travel next year too ^_^

Have had 2 good reads so far alr - freakonomics and a thousand splendid suns. WHICH IS SO AWESOME. had to stop myself from crying cos the author is so so good at breaking my heart hurhur. Finished emergency couple which was so so and started on BOF which is kinda stagnant now that i've started work. in addition, been catching up with old friends:> who always bring me much joy and i just wish time stood still. and also a v smooth sailing period w peng hehe but we've both been bzbzbz since i started work and he has like 2 music classes. but still v thankful for our r/s, thank God for bringing us tgt and keeping us tgt. Met charis on wed, walked to katong from paya lebar and we never seem to run out of stuff to say! always thanking God everytime we're tgt, much much edification and encouragement. :> and then i walked back home HAHA champion wee. i met clar the other day too hehe BBFL best bro for life omgosh i love you so much haha we need more broventures and exploring every nook and cranny of the east! and ytd i visited ah ma and had fun walking home w suikor and shaney!! it has actually been a rlly rlly nice week, although i shld spend more time aft work at home! yes need to block out more slots haha.

cant wait to read more books and watch more movies and drama and also, COOK. yes pls wee you need to be more domesticated instead of just eating all day. i wish i could cook legit food instead of just pasta/ maggie. would love to try chinese food and whatever i can get online:> rlly hope this summer wont go to waste!

hope i can be a better servant that God can use, esp to invest more time love and care into ppl. sometimes it gets hard to connect and i get worn out. admittedly ive been relying on my own strength too much. and i just cant wait for God to move in ppl that i try and start chionging the process. need to be more patient and faithful, to trust in God that He's doing a work in people incl me!!

2nd cup of milo in the span of an hour, haaalp

first time touching this page in like a million year. feels abit tiring having so little holidays- flew off after finals, arrived back just before christmas and that leaves me with like 2 weeks of holidays before sch starts tmr.

i just wanna thank God here for keeping me sane!!! ok will be back tmr to talk more. rlly need to type to reflect hahaha i miss writing here <3

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19/2/2014

just a few more days before recess week!!! am q tired from school deadlines and what not. but strangely enough i havent reached the panicky mode and in fact, feel somewhat peaceful? typing this in aw now heh. so many things to catch up on once recess week is here, looking forward to summer break! its scary how busy life gets without you realising it and then bam weeks fly by and then months and before you know it.. an entire year :o

late but im rlly thankful for all that has happened in 2013, my longest holiday ever! and also thankful for the friends and people He has brought into my life :) thank you all for sowing into my life <3 

Loads and loads of thinking to be done ever since friday. started reading the happy student which pj lent me long ago and it sparked some questions in my mind that still linger there. i havent finished the book but a few takeaways: Run your own race. but before tht, know the race you want to run. and i think now, i need God more than ever to guide me and to help me to run His race. it does get hard sometimes and its easy to be distracted. but yesss alot of thinking to be done!!

went for crusades for my first time ever!!! and i think it was the best decision ever. they invited dr tan lai yong- someone whos now someone i look up to and respect greatly- a humble yet great man of God who knows and understands his calling in life to serve. and he is so genuine and sincere and his heart is just amazing. so big and generous so reflecting of God's heart. i think he's someone who's truly deserving of the title doctor. someone who serves and doesnt focus on money making.

ahahasdsakjdnsandas i cant spell out his entire sharing. but hes so... inspiring. it just makes me requestion and rethink of my journey thus far. and what am i focusing on and even in future, to always reflect on the things im doing, to be christ-centered and not self-centered. but yes, im still sad idk my calling :(

but sitting there in svc today, a few things just hit me which were kinda unrelated to svc. but i was v distracted that i zoned out abit. a few things-
1. cambodia children. one day this will come t pass!!! when i get married/parents trust me more, i wanna sponsor kakada/chen's trip to singapore. i rmb telling them to visit me in singapore and my church in future but i realised that they were financially limited. so yes, i hope one day i can do that!
2. how can i better serve God? my community? foreign workers? i guess i need to start small by mtg at least a need once a day. i hope that overtime it cultivates into a habit and becomes a part of me.

TYJ for my salvation. im far from perfect but thank you for going to such great lengths to save my soul. <3

You could love me more in a moment than other lovers could in a lifetime.

brings me so much peace, thank you jesus for your love!

this love is so deep, it's more than i can stand
i melt in your peace, it's overwhelming