... they WANT you to take the rolls!

anyone still here?

zuisa — Tue, 04 Dec 2012 05:06:18 GMT

I am completely aware that I haven't posted here in well over a year (two whole ship contracts have gone by!) but I miss it.

Anyone home?

zuisa — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 02:22:51 GMT

Even though everyone who works there seems to die a prompt and painful death, my new goal in life is to work for Torchwood.

oh my god a post about my real life that has nothing to do with television what are the odds

zuisa — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 02:33:02 GMT

One would think that by now in my life I would be completely used to just packing it all up, hopping on a plane, and going somewhere where I don't know a soul. One would think that at this point I'd just be numb to the constant sadness of people coming and going and making friends just to leave them. One would think. But then, they'd be wrong.

It's not like my lifestyle hasn't been entirely self-inflicted. Every time I've moved or started a new job it's been my choice completely. And, so far, it has always worked out for the best. I've never hated my job, and in all my years of having a roommate there have only been two I'd wanted to lock in a cupboard and ignore. I'd call that fairly successful. So why then am I always so nervous and terrified about stating a new chapter?

I am trying to make myself think of the positives. The one good thing that always does spring to mind about my nomadic lifestyle is that I really can be whoever I want to be. If I don't like something about myself, I can change it, and no one needs to know that I wasn't always that way. It's nicely liberating. It comes down to the silliest things, too. I just bought new glasses, and thought that maybe I'm not quite cool enough to wear them. But where I'm going next, no one knows me. I can be as cool as I want to be. There will be no expectations.

It does tend to get old, though. All the moving. My heart still belongs to the people I went to college with, and I hardly ever get to see them. I've also still never had a relationship to speak of, which becomes less and less cute and naive as years gone by. I mean, I'm not a complete nun, there was one terribly exciting evening in Australia that involved me making out with a boy on a street corner, but, you know. There are people I went to high school with who are married with babies. Not that I want anything to do with anyone I went to high school with, really, but you know what I mean. Maybe on this next ship I'll meet a nice nerdy boy who loves traveling and science fiction and theater as much as I do. Yeah, I'm not holding my breath either.

Let's talk about Fringe for a minute:

zuisa — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 16:56:29 GMT

My friend made me watch this and has basically ruined my life.

I'm going to get my one nitpick off my chest right off the bat: the timeline drives me bonkers.

The first time we flash back to Jacksonville, Olivia is 3 years old, at Walter and Belly's "daycare", undergoing the Cortexiphan trials. Olivia claims to have no recollection of her time at this daycare, which - OK, if she was 3, sure. Flash forward to the episode "Subject 13", where Olivia is clearly much older. I think she's actually only supposed to be about 5 - really (it's 1985, Olivia is one year younger than Peter and he was born in 1979 - so 5, yeah?), but Karley Collins is 12. So it makes it a little difficult to swallow. And even so, Olivia remembers living in Jacksonville, she remembers the house with the red door, she remembers her scary stepfather - and when Peter finds her in that house in "Lysergic Acid Diethylamide" she is much younger than 5. So why doesn't she remember the daycare, Walter, or Peter? The scene she has with Peter in the tulip field seems like something you'd remember, even if you were only a little kid. So it all sort of bothers me.

ANYWAY. What I was actually going to bring up here is that I think the fact that little Olivia was reading "Winter's Tale" is a clue, or at least some foreshadowing, because I don't care how brilliant Olivia is, there's no way a child is getting through that book. Let's examine:

-The book takes place mostly in New York City, but it's not our New York City.
-The main character is Peter Lake, and he essentially falls through a wormhole and comes out a century later.

CURIOUS, NO?

There's also no way that Peter 'never existed'. Even though, I suppose, Walter and Belly would have still discovered the Redverse, the catalyst for his actually crossing over never would have existed. The two universes would never have started deteriorating. But even if, by some other path, Walter broke the universe by taking something between them - Peter never having existed sort of erases the entire show. It's like those 70s shows where entire seasons turned out to be dreams. Even if Olivia still ended up working with Walter - Peter was instrumental to solving so many mysteries. His friend in the used bookstore. His time overseas. All of these were crucial.

And even if everything major still worked out - the core of the show is Peter and his relationships with both Olivia and Walter. The driving force behind everything Walter does is keeping Peter safe, and dealing with his all-consuming guilt over not returning him to the Redverse when he was a child. Olivia never would have gone to the Redverse to save him, the Olivias never would have switched, Fauxlivia wouldn't have had Henry - AND BASICALLY EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN EMOTIONALLY RESONANT SCENE NEVER HAPPENED. Which I refuse to believe. Obviously Peter 'exists', Joshua Jackson is still on the show, but The Observers don't tend to be wrong.

Also, because time travel and all its infinite paradoxes make my brain hurt, can someone explain to me about the Machine? Walter sent it back in time? So where the fuck did he find it? The same Walter who found it is the one who sent it back? And what does he mean, he did it, so he can't change it, but Peter can make a different choice? This isn't a nitpick at all, I just don't understand.

Ultimately, though, I'm optimistic, because despite a couple of minor dropped sideplots (what the hell happened to that FBI agent who was super interested in Fringe stuff and was linking Fringe events to Bible verses?) everything holds together remarkably well for such a complicated show. I'm excited to see where Peter ends up being, and I am absolutely ecstatic that Seth Gabel is a regular for season 4 because I am 100% in fictional love with Lincoln Lee. Both Lincolns are fine, but Redverse Lincoln? Marry me. His scene with Liv in "Bloodline"? I WEPT. I think I almost ship Lincoln/Liv more than Peter/Olivia, which has got to be some sort of Fringe blasphemy or something.

Anyway. I like that this show makes me think. Where is Peter Bishop?

hfdnhfnajhrgjablvergasgfkyd

zuisa — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 03:18:41 GMT

我不能继续住在这里。我真的受不了。我越还在这儿，我越跟我的家人吵架。我开始觉得我真的是一个讨厌的人。

即使他们说不对的话，即使他们撒谎，我不能改正，顶撞。这是没礼貌的。

I miss instant messengers

zuisa — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 06:24:12 GMT

Anyone else?

It seems like today everyone just uses Facebook messenger to chat, but - I don't like it. I actually don't much care for Facebook, and I feel like that basically makes me an internet freak of nature, but I don't care.

I miss AIM.

Whoo, twice in one month!

zuisa — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 00:30:16 GMT

Posting, that is.

I'm doing better?

At home still. I'm technically scheduled to go to the Ruby Princess on September 27, but that's a very long vacation, and let's be real, I'm already going out of my mind being home all day every day with no car, no friends, and nothing to do except catch up on TV. (the catching up on TV has been fabulous, don't get me wrong!)

Lots of time to think about what I want to do with my life, which is always depressing and confusing. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job, living on the ocean is amazing, but at the end of the day all I want to do is theater. And I keep hoping that if I get a job I love I'll start to be happier and not just want to do that all day, but... that never happens! I suppose I should take that as a sign, but... I'm apparently not that smart!

Happy Independence Day!

zuisa — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 22:00:33 GMT

Everyone who knows me knows I'm not a terribly patriotic person, and living among mostly people from other countries, they let me know on an almost daily basis all the things America has "done wrong". But, today is the one day a year when I'm probably be allowed to be vocally proud of where I'm from, and I'm going to be. Sure, the USA has done a lot of terrible things, but at the end of the day, I still think that there is an optimism and strength at its core that makes it a great place. I'm lucky to live here, and I'm lucky to be from Boston, which still holds up as one of the most beautiful cities in the world, even when I've been to many, many cities.

So Happy Birthday, America. Keep fixing what's broken, don't ever think you're perfect, but keep on rocking on.

Failure at life!

zuisa — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:09:20 GMT

Internet on the ship sucked, but that's still absolutely no excuse for my having not posted once the entire time I was on the ship.

I have had this Livejournal for SO LONG, I really want to get back into it!!

Panic Mode: Begun

zuisa — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 18:26:49 GMT

I'm not sure why I'm so terrified about leaving tomorrow, but I am. I start to panic when I think about it. It seems so strange. Packing up and leaving while knowing no one and not having a clue what I'm doing is more or less what I do. Been doing it for years! It seems like the older I get, the less adventurous I get, which makes me sad. I want to be completely confident as I blast off towards Australia, but I'm not. I haven't even started packing and my room is a mess, and I'm sitting online trying not to cry. Keep on being mature, Jacki. Geez.

A Better Late Than Never Update On My Life

zuisa — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 18:21:29 GMT

I got a job on a cruise ship! And I'm leaving for Australia on Saturday! And I am clearly the worst livejournaler in the entire world, as I've known for weeks and you all don't know. I know that I have not been posting much, but I am going to to TRY while on the ship because my life might finally be interesting enough to warrant it. I'm not sure who is still posting here, but!

I WOULD LOVE TO SEND YOU A POSTCARD. Either comment here (screened comments) or email me at jackimurphy at gmail dot com with your address!

Yay!

zuisa — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 18:33:54 GMT

Brother #1 came home yesterday, and brother #2 will be returning on Saturday. We bought a Christmas tree yesterday, we are actually going out for dinner this week, the Patriots are kicking ass and taking names all over the NFL, and thanks to the glory that is both Netflix and Hulu, I am up to my ears in Doctor Who/Torchwood, Farscape, and Greek. So despite my job continuing to suck beyond the telling of it, I don't really have too much to complain about at present.

Other people in the area may curse me for saying this, but I hope it snows soon. December makes me happy simply by virtue of it being almost Christmas, but snow would just seal the deal.

An Open Letter to the Internet In Defense of Television

zuisa — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 14:32:11 GMT

Dear Internet,
I'm tired of defending myself when people tell me I watch too much TV. I'm tired of sheepishly admitting up front that I watch too much TV, as though I worry that by sharing my thoughts on my favorite series, people are going to judge me. I've got reasons and defenses, and today I am writing them all down.

No one criticizes someone for being a movie buff or a bookworm. I love books and I love movies (who doesn't?!), and OK, sure, maybe reading is a more academic pursuit than watching TV. But movies? Why are they instantly given a free pass and deemed a worthy pursuit while TV-watchers are deemed couch potatoes? Is it because we pay $10.50 or so to go sit in a dark room with strangers and watch them together? Do we think this makes it a social activity, somehow? Of course, movies can be beautiful, heartbreaking, funny, moving - they can have breathtaking cinematography and incredible acting and touch upon themes that make us all realize what it means to be human and live in this world. But TV can do that too, and I wish more people would realize that.

There is a difference between the person who sits aimlessly on the couch hour after hour, flipping through channels of things he doesn't even really want to watch, and the person who actively, interestedly watches the TV shows he knows and likes. Many TV shows span seasons upon seasons and have upwards of 100 episodes. It takes dedication. The worlds created by movies have to last a couple of hours. The worlds created by television shows could have to hold up with continuity and detail for years.

When you have a multiple-season TV show, there is time for characters and plots to have huge arcs. You can spend half a season following one subplot, a season or more watching characters grow and change. There just isn't time for that in a movie. Characters go through journeys in movies, both physically and emotionally, for sure, but the limited timeframe just doesn't allow for the depth possible in TV.

But I think everyone knows this. If pressed, anyone would admit that there is worth inside many TV shows. It's a little more difficult to convince some people that TV watching is a legitimate hobby which can lead to so much more.

The number of people in my life who I call friends solely because we met online through shared TV interests is astounding. People I talk to regularly (or, not as regularly as I'd like, but still think of fondly), games I've spent years playing - all because of TV. I've written legitimate essays on themes and storylines in shows I enjoy. Lots of people, directly inspired by what they see on the screen, write fanfiction, edit graphics, make fan videos. Writing, graphic design, and video editing are, without a doubt, legitimate hobbies. And a good deal of the writing, graphics, and videos floating around in the internet are directly inspired by television.

But the friendships are what is most important. I've mentioned them already, but I'll mention them again. Online communities about TV are some of the most active and friendly communities on the internet. I think the reason so many people I've spoken with truly don't believe that online friendships are real is because so many people are still convinced that the internet is this Evil place full of Bad People who are constantly trying to lead you into some nasty trap. I realize that I am definitely preaching to the choir here on LJ, but guess what? It's not. I have gotten on a plane more than once and flew myself off to meet people who I had never even spoken with on the phone, and I'm still here. I think there's no more reason to trust someone you meet at a party on on the street than someone you meet online. It takes judgement and time, and I obviously don't chat with someone once and then hop on a plane. It's people who I've known for years! People who have stuck with me through thick and thin, been the one constant in my slightly nomadic life, and I am so thankful for them. Yes, some online friendships die. But so do the so-called "real world" friendships. But I think that the internet is just as real as the rest of the world.

Watching TV can open your life to a whole world of people and activities. Being actively invested in a few (or a lot of) TV shows is just as beneficial as being invested in movies and books, and that's just the way it is.

Book Reviews! The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

zuisa — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 16:48:11 GMT

Non-Spoilery Review Up Here, Spoilers Under The Cut!

I read the first 150 pages of The Hunger Games while substituting at the middle school library in the beginning of October and I was obsessed. It took me until last week to get copies of the trilogy, and I read them in a mad fury, trying not to read at work because breaking down weeping in front of your students is probably frowned upon.

I don't read a lot of YA books, but I really, really enjoyed these. I particularly loved that the protagonist, Katniss, wasn't perfect. She's stubborn, selfish, obstinate, never listens to anyone - and yet she's still likable. She is fiercely dedicated to the people she cares about, particularly her sister, she does what she sets out to do, no matter the obstacles, and despite alluding to the fact that she doesn't, she cares about people.

The secondary characters are all incredibly memorable and likable, particularly Finnick Odair, Haymitch Abernathy, Effie Trinket, Octavia, Flavius, Venia, Cinna, Rue... (and, as you've noticed, everyone has fantastically fun names) - many of these characters help bring some moments of humor to an incredibly bleak story. And of course Peeta and Gale.

I love that nothing is sugar-coated and things aren't resolved with sunshine and happiness. There is real political stuff going on; it's not just teenage romance and fluff. (Although there IS romance and it's delightful). I'm pretty close to gushing here, but I really, REALLY liked these books.

COULD THEY HAVE KILLED ANY MORE PEOPLE? Well, I guess they could have. Katniss, Peeta, Gale, and Haymitch were all alive at the end, and so.... could have been worse? I was honestly expecting Gale to die; never even crossed my mind that Prim would. It was so heartbreaking; her sister dying, when the catalyst for the entire series was Katniss wanting to protect her. But realistic, I guess, which I enjoy. Prim would have wanted to go help. And if she's anything like her sister, the adults telling her not to wouldn't have made much of a difference.

I LOVE PEETA. So I suppose if I must take sides, Team Peeta. I don't dislike Gale, and I again loved the sad sad realism over him and Katniss growing apart over irreconcilable differences in opinion. I'm glad Haymitch and Effie didn't die, and I'm still sad over Cinna and Finnick. Cinna and the rest of Katniss's prep team were, I think, the examples of the best kind of person you could grow up to be when you grew up in the Capitol. They really cared about her.

I really wanted this review to be coherent but I have delved into raving nonsense. Maybe I'll try again when the cloud of pain has lifted off my brain. If you have read these, and I hope you have if you are reading this, PLEASE tell me, I need people to talk about them with!!

The internet is hard work sometimes.

zuisa — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 20:58:40 GMT

The Vampire Diaries fandom is stressing me out.

I just want everyone to be happy. I think I am just way too positive to be involved in online fandom, people overreact something fierce.

Honestly, people, the show's writers joking about a viewpoint that does not agree with yours? DOES NOT MEAN THEY DO NOT SUPPORT YOU AND APPRECIATE YOUR VIEWERSHIP. People are allowed to make jokes. Yelling at the poor woman over Twitter after everything she says is not making a case for yourself, it is making you come across as a petulant child who insists upon his way.

November 2, please come soon.

zuisa — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 20:47:30 GMT

I am SO SICK of political ads on TV. I am tired of commercials saying things that are just plain untrue, and I hate that you can't get anywhere politically without attacking your opponents.

I also get really sad every time a commercial says the phrase liberal Democrat like it is synonymous with murderer. Obviously, there are commercials yelling about conservatives too, and while those make me less personally sad, I wish they were gone. Is it so much to ask that political ads should focus on why you are the best candidate for the job, and not why your opponents are bad?

I also can't decide if I admire Tim Cahill's tenacity or just feel bad for him. I was never going to vote for him, but... his campaign just makes me sad.

Work!

zuisa — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 01:09:13 GMT

Temporarily, I am a substitute teacher for Randolph public schools. I'm actually enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would, although the morning part of me is killing me. I like the work, I just dislike not knowing on any given day whether or not I have to work until my phone jars me from a peaceful slumber at 5:30 am.

Or, like Wednesday - the phone rings at 6:50. The high school starts at 7:20, so that was an, uhm... exciting start to my day.

Randolph High has an incredibly high turnover rate in terms of staff, so there's hardly anyone I know working there still, and absolutely no one who ever taught me. But I know a bunch of the kids from helping with RTC and just through my brothers, and so it's always fun when a kid I have joked around and danced the macarena with backstage turns up in my class.

I also have yet to sub a class that is not math or science. I would be SO HELPFUL in English, Spanish, French, or History classes - but nope - always with the math and science. I sort of feel bad handing out worksheets to students that I can't do myself, so this morning while I had a free period I pulled the algebra 2 textbook off the shelf and gave it a whirl. I got some of the answers right, although not as many as I really would have liked.

I've been fighting off a miserable cold all week, and so I would sort of love to sleep in tomorrow, but should I get called in, I have got my fingers crossed for something that falls under the category of a Liberal Art!

OMG.

zuisa — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 17:15:28 GMT

This silly little screencap I posted on my Tumblr literally ten minutes ago already has 42 notes. I only have 4 followers, one being my brother who never updates, so this is sort of blowing my mind.

This just reinstates my years-long desire to be famous on the internet. :p

This must exist online somewhere. It MUST.

zuisa — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 19:57:50 GMT

I am searching (probably very much in vain) for a video clip of one song from an episode of "Fraggle Rock" that has stuck in my head for years and years and years: The Ballad of Sir Blunderbrain.

SOMEONE HELP ME FIND THIS PLEASE?!

I hate that I talk about TV constantly, but:

zuisa — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 04:06:52 GMT

You know, William, that's what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone's bourbon, and when an updraft revealed Lady Bird Johnson's tramp stamp and tattoos above her ovaries, Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face and spent the next hour screaming "SEX PARTY!" into the microphones of all three major networks. -Sue Sylvester

Whoever wrote that needs to be given some kind of award. I only wish the insane cartoon faces Will made as he listened to this diatribe could have been transcribed.

Loved everything about it.

zuisa — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 02:46:16 GMT

I don't have a lot of comments on tonight's episode of Glee (other than god damn can Heather Morris DANCE), but I feel like I need to ask a question to the people all over the internet who are complaining that the episode lacked plot.

HAVE WE BEEN WATCHING THE SAME SHOW?

I love Glee to bits, I will defend to the death that it is the most unabashedly joyous thing on television, but, uh, plot has never exactly been its strong point. Am I right? I am 100% OK with the decision to donate 40 minutes to general anesthesia induced full scale recreations of Britney Spears videos.

I really like TV.

zuisa — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 20:43:09 GMT

For a long time I felt sort of bad about how many TV shows I watch, but I have decided that it is totally acceptable. I hardly ever just sit around with the TV on - it's often on in the background as I do other things, but I seldom sit around flipping channels for hours. There are shows I watch and I know when they are on. Also? I hang out on a lot of forums where I discuss the shows I watch, where I have both made friends and delved way deeper into the themes and plotlines going on on these shows than might be considered normal. Here's what I'm watching these days:

-Chuck: One night when I was bored in China I watched a bunch of pilot episodes to find a new show to watch. Chuck won this competition hands-down. I was completely sold about five minutes in when the caption "Bryce Larkin: Not An Accountant" flashed across the screen. There isn't a single character on the show I don't like (didn't much care for Shaw, but, eh) and it is just solidly entertaining.

-Glee: I feel like the writing is on crack, the plot is ridiculous, and I really wish they'd stop with the Very Special Moments they throw in once in a while in a silly attempt to make the show less offensive or something. But there's just something joyous at its core that makes me so happy.

-Modern Family: I started watching because crazygreg89 showed me their 30 second Oscar commercial, and I was in love with the show instantly. Even my father thinks it's funny, and that is high praise indeed coming from a man who thinks television peaked with Leave It To Beaver.

-The Vampire Diaries: For a while I pretended to be embarrassed about watching this show, but you know what? It's well-written, well-acted, the pacing is glorious, and I am never disappointed in an episode. So I am done lying about it! It's a great show.

I am also working my way through Battlestar Galactica and Friday Night Lights. They are both absolutely fantastic and I wonder why I never watched them before.

(oh, and I totally saw every episode of Pretty Little Liars, and THAT I am sort of embarrassed about)

zuisa — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 19:58:45 GMT

My life is such an odd balance of intellectualism and acting like I'm twelve.

I just went for a walk, listening to Radio Boston (the local NPR station, 90.9 - I adore them) where I learned about long-lasting ramifications of the oil spill in the gulf, the Massachusetts gubernatorial race, and a really awesome program happening in Cambridge (among other cities worldwide) tomorrow about turning parking lots into parks for a day. I felt intelligent and mature.

And then I came home where I immediately logged onto FanForum and started squeeing with my FF-friends about Damon and Elena and the new Vampire Diaries episode tonight.

How old am I?

Hellllooooo, internets.

zuisa — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 03:44:06 GMT

I think I may have a job? It's not 100% yet, but it's looking good. Not my first choice, but a job is a job, and if things go the way they seem, I will be a substitute teacher for Randolph Public Schools. Teaching has been something I've considered, so it will be a nice way to see if I hate it or love it. Obviously substituting is nothing like actually teaching, but it will be something!

I also went tonight and auditioned for the RTC show. It's been six years since I've done community theater, and it was really weird/awesome to be there. I saw a few people I hadn't seen in a long time, and it was nice to know that you can go away for years and years (popping in occasionally to help with tech crew) and be welcomed right back in. I got to read for a part I actually would really love, so.... fingers crossed there too.

(IN MORE THEATER NEWS, MY BROTHER fleagle HAS A CALLBACK FOR SPELLING BEE ON FRIDAY. SEND HIM GOOD THOUGHTS!)

Lastly, I went to the RMV last week and got a new driver's manual. This fall, I am LEARNING HOW TO DRIVE. I don't care how much it terrifies me, and I don't care how much I don't want to. I need to learn how to drive. Exhibit A: I got a ride home from auditions tonight from a kid I used to babysit.

Look at me being on LJ!

zuisa — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 05:41:41 GMT

You'd think I would have been posting here like mad after coming back from China, but I found myself just... used to not being able to access it easily? Which I realize is no excuse.

So I've been home for a little over a month, and it's been very nice, but the last of the brothers goes back to school tomorrow so I will be alooooone. I've applied to a whole manner of jobs, many of which include travel and housing, and so hopefully someone will call me soon. It's depressing hearing nothing for weeks, but I'm trying to stay positive about it.

I also really am going to try to start posting here again. I've been awful about it for years, it seems, but I've had this journal for so long that I feel like it would be a shame to give up on it now!!