official yutoyama exchange

HSJ Anniversary Exchange 2014: Masterpost

yyexchangemod — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 15:03:11 GMT

here's the masterpost (and respective writers) for all the fics churned out from the yutoyama hsj anniversary exchange 2014!

thank you for all your participation and encouragement (we know that nonparticipating fans were a huge moral support to the writers). we are also truly sorry for the (huge) delay but here's the reveal as promised.

in no particular order:

"Thank you for your purchase, we hope you'll have a nice day." by turtleheartz (beta: butts_anonymous)
for defiancebyfire; AU / Romance
word count: ~2,500 words
summary: Yuto gets a part-time job at a combini near his campus.

All those things that we are not by lady_aenea (beta: B)
for an_jung; Angst / Romance / MPREG
word count: 8,200~ words
summary: Yuto left Johnny’s & Associates ten years ago and thought that part of his life was over, but he was wrong.

Day 1 by an_jung (beta: eurichan)
for ao_hoshi; Romance / Fluff
word count: 3,921 words
summary: Ryosuke fell in love with Yuto when he plays drums. He doesnt know that Yuto and he have alitle accident. Yuto found Ryosuke really annoying. But Ryosuke doesnt change and still chase Yuto. Will Yuto heart will turn on Ryosuke?

I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up to Be Yours by obsessed_makpa (beta: eurichan)
for lovetoosweet; AU / Romance
word count: ~2,700 words
summary: Yuto is a Gryffindor chaser. Yamada is a Hufflepuff seeker. They fly around in circles and find each other on land. (feat. Chinen as the Quidditch commentator because of course.)

flying without wings by re_riko (beta: eurichan)
for yatsuiko_chan; Slice-of-Life / Fluff / Hurt/Comfort / AU
word count: 10,192 words
summary: they haven't seen each other for so long, and yuto doesn't expect to see yamada with a child. and chinen is just a great friend.

It's Okay, That's Love by lovetoosweet (beta: myturntocry)
for dusk037; Romance / Angst
word count: 4,900 words
summary: Like any other I-fell-for-my-best-friend-story, yours is just one of many.

It’s 3am, we must be lonely by xingphonic (beta: eurichan)
for katieisperalda; Slice of life / Romance / Fluff / modern setting AU
word count: 8,766 words
summary: Yuto thinks he knows why Chinen suddenly takes on a new housemate, but eventually he discovers that he doesn’t really mind.

Small Fetish by ao_hoshi (beta: akari1507)
for turtleheartz; Fluff
word count: 2,573 words
summary: Ryosuke's attempt to confess to his crush who has a smell fetish with the interruption of his senpai and his own over jealous nature.

The Limits by katieisperalda (beta: not mentioned in submission)
for rezarick; Angst
word count: 8,395 words
summary: Inoo knew Yamada and Yuto better than themselves.

All Of This by defiancebyfire (beta: iloveohmiya)
for lady_aenea; Slice of Life / Angst / Fluff
word count: 8,894 words
summary: Another night (alone) (with her). But I'm always wanting you.
Warnings/Disclaimers: Trigger-warning for the people affected by the 2011 Earthquake. I do not own J&A or any of its talents. Story inspired by real-life events.

The Disappearance of Yamada Ryosuke by rezarick (beta: notinaji)
for re_riko; Slight slice-of-life with a sprinkle of drama
word count: 2,828 words
summary: The difference between happiness and contentment.

If a Picture Paints a Thousand Words by yatsuiko_chan (beta: ayaelf92)
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
for nightbaron079; Romance / Slice of Life
word count: 30,941 words
summary: University AU.

Home is where our lost time is by dusk037 (beta: iloveohmiya, alienashi)
for obsessed_makpa; AU / Adventure
word count: 6,200~ words
summary: Fate. A load of bullsh**, according to Yamada Ryosuke. (aka the Get Backers AU made of fail)

Occupational Hazard by nightbaron079
Part I | Part II | Part III
for xingphonic; AU / Angst / Fluff
word count: 15,531 words
summary: What happens when the boss of the secret spy organization you are a part of is also a self-proclaimed matchmaker? Feelings, of course. A lot of feelings.

do leave comments if you have any points for us to improve. comments are screened, rest assured.

once again, we are sorry for the delay and thank you for staying with us until now.

thank you and see you in the next exchange ♥

Occupational Hazard (3/3) (for xingphonic)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 16:37:37 GMT

Occupational Hazard (2/3) (for xingphonic)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 16:36:58 GMT

Title: Occupational Hazard
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff
Word Count: 15,531 words
Recipient: xingphonic
Summary: What happens when the boss of the secret spy organization you are a part of is also a self-proclaimed matchmaker? Feelings, of course. A lot of feelings.
Author's Note: The request asked for silver-haired Yamada and alternate universes (and Inoo playing a major role, which is Very Important), and I went through three drafts before finally deciding to continue this one for the exchange assignment. I really don’t know what happened afterwards, I am so sorry. And this is so late and I am probably stripped of all anonymity by now so Recipient-sama I just want to let you know I will make it up to you in some way, I promise. Special thanks to all my cheerleaders and my lovely beta, and to the mods who are ordering me to a forced hiatus after everything to get to rest and for understanding how late I am. I hope this fic would make it up for my lateness by fulfilling Recipient-sama’s requests. Thank you for waiting and sorry for being the cause of delay ;u; This has been a heck of an emotional roller coaster and I hope everyone finds something they enjoy in this story ;u;

Continued from Part 1

Hikaru looked up from the motherboard and computer chips he was wiring up together with Kamiki at the sound of Yamada viciously biting into an apple. “What happened to you?” he asked, putting down his soldering iron. “You were so perky this morning.”

“Nothing,” Yamada said. He was glaring at the wood pattern of the table, stabbing another poor apple with a knife.

“Someone’s jealous,” Chinen said, sitting down beside Kamiki. Yamada glared at Chinen at this, taking another huge bite out of his apple.

“I’m not,” Yamada said thickly before swallowing his mouthful, pulling out the knife from the mostly mutilated apple and pointing it at Chinen. “Stop second-guessing other people’s feelings, it’s not attractive.”

“I’m just telling you how you looked when Yutti said ‘Suzu-chan’, you don’t have to be so wound up about it,” Chinen countered.

“Chinen-kun,” Kamiki said, a warning in his voice. Chinen ignored him and placed his hands on the table, laying his palms flat on the mahogany and spreading out his fingers before leaning over to look at Yamada and staring down the knife by its point.

“What’s holding you back, Ryosuke?” he asked, a challenge in his voice.

“Nothing! Won’t you stop it?” Yamada said.

“Are you scared?” Kamiki asked suddenly, his quiet voice barely audible but for the sudden quiet in the room.

“I’m not. I don’t need to be,” Yamada said, his voice wavering.

Hikaru had stood up, holding out his hands in an attempt to alleviate the growing tension in the room. “Yamada, it’s okay. Even if it’s weird, you know that Inoo-chan has the best intentions—”

“I am not playing your games,” Yamada whispered.

“This was never a game, Ryosuke,” Chinen said, his voice firm. A smirk was still playing at the edge of his lips. “This has always been a gamble. This job, this life? Death is the constant we have to deal with every day. And if you’re too much of a coward to allow good things to happen to you, then you’re in for a shitty ride for the rest of what looks to be a very sorry existence.”

In a sudden blur of movement, Yamada buried the knife in his hand on the wooden table, right in between the gaps of Chinen’s fingers. No one moved. Chinen was still looking at Yamada, his gaze never breaking.

Yamada wasn’t sure which was the final straw—the half-smile on Chinen’s lips, or the fact that he didn’t want to admit that Chinen was sounding horribly right.

“All of you!” Yamada burst out, standing up so fast that he knocked his chair back. “Everyone just leave me alone!”

He stormed out of the room, speeding past a startled Shida who was just entering the room.

“Yamada-kun—?” she started.

“Just leave me alone!”

Yamada barely heard the door to the target practice room open over the earplugs he had on and the gunshots he was firing at the targets five meters from where he was standing. He emptied the magazine of bullets to the bulls’ eye of the circular targets, holding the gun aloft even long after the smoke and gunpowder faded away. A person leaned on the barrier to his left, and he didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Shida.

“Ryo-chan,” she said quietly, her voice made softer by his earplugs. She extended her hand hesitantly, reaching until she touched the his hands holding the gun. It wasn’t until she had lowered them and he had let go of the cold weight in his hands that he realized he was shaking.

“Hey,” she said. He didn’t answer, removing his earplugs slowly and refusing to look at her.

“Everyone says they’re sorry. Chinen, particularly,” she said. She had let go of his hands and was rubbing comforting circles onto the back of his shoulder.

“...I overreacted,” Yamada finally said.

“No, they were probably being annoying,” she said.

A bubble of laughter escaped from between Yamada’s lips. “Why are you taking my side? I yelled at your boyfriend too. And Hikaru-kun,” he said, then sighed. “I am such a jerkwad.”

“Mikki was probably just part of the collateral damage,” Shida said with a shrug. “You didn’t mean it. He’ll get over it.”

“But I did mean it, Shida,” he said. She waited for him to continue and he sighed, removing the protective eyeglasses he was wearing and flinging it down on the table.

“I don’t want to be a part of this. I refuse to be emotionally manipulated for the expense of everyone else’s entertainment,” he said. He ran his fingers through his hair, the smell of his shampoo mixing with the gunpowder residue in his hands. “...It’s just not fair. For anyone involved.”

“Who says you’re being manipulated, though?” she asked.

Yamada looked at her incredulously. “Have you forgotten that Inoo-kun attempted to pair us up too?” he asked.

She held up her hands. “No, I don’t, but you said it yourself. It was an attempt. He never actually forced us to go out on dates. Sure, he made us partners, gave us schedules with the same free days. But feelings and falling in love, nobody can predict that. We’re the perfect examples, Yamada,” she said. She took a deep breath before continuing.

“You and I both know that they all mean well, and that they just want you to be happy. It’s scary, the job we have, and it’s hard to trust people. But you have to take that risk too. You took that risk with all of us, right?” she said.

Yamada nodded. Shida leant back on the shooting range barrier again, watching as he stared at the targets he had ruined and scuffed his shoes on the concrete floor before leaning back against the barrier across from her.

“Look at it this way, Yamada. Inoo-kun’s meddling aside, don’t you think fate is in the works here too? Of all the people, you two get to meet. Who cares about the weird circumstances?”

He looked up as she was saying this, smiling for the first time since he went inside the target practice room that day.

“You make a great Yoda,” he said. The thank you went unsaid.

A similar grin was spreading across her lips. “You big dork.”

“I thought I was ‘teddy bear’?”

“You big adorable romanticist teddy bear.”

“I like you being nice to me.”

“Don’t get used to it. You still have to replace that table.”

He winced. “Can I still play the emotionally conflicted card?”

“Not a chance. That was mahogany!”

“You don’t even like baseball, Chinen,” Yamada commented. He was leaning (very carefully) against the top of Yuto’s car with his shoe resting against the wheel, watching Yuto and Chinen play catch in the almost empty parking lot.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t be good at it,” Chinen said. “Now shush, if I lose and break a car window you’re paying.”

“Wait, in what universe is that even remotely fair?!” Yamada complained. Yuto laughed and threw the ball at Chinen’s direction. Chinen had to jump to keep the ball from sailing over his head, catching it safely with his glove.

“That’s cheating!” Chinen accused, pointing his glove at Yuto. Yamada laughed; the game was just showing how tall Yuto was compared to the two of them.

Yuto spread out his arms. “Let it go, let it go~” he sang out, making both Yamada and Chinen groan.

“It’s your fault for teaching him how to sing that song in English,” Yamada said to Chinen, making Yuto pout at both of them. Chinen shrugged and raised his arm. He paused midthrow, looking at something behind Yuto.

Yuto, preparing to catch the ball Chinen was about to throw, noticed the change in his expression.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, looking around just as someone called out his name.

“Yuto!” a female voice called out happily. Yamada followed Chinen’s gaze in time to see a girl barrel straight into Yuto’s arms, throwing her arms around his neck. Yamada tensed, his hand going to the hilt of the knife he has hidden in his boot. From the corner of his eye, he saw Chinen’s hand snake towards his belt and the hidden weapon holster attached to it, watching as he was at how Yuto would react to the stranger.

They both watched as Yuto’s face broke into a huge smile, putting his arms around her waist and lifting her, spinning her around while hugging her and laughing in glee all the while. He set her down on her feet after a couple of spins, placing his hands on her shoulders and smiling.

Yamada hasn’t seen Yuto smile at anyone like that before.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back? I could have picked you up at the airport. With a huge sign. And glitter letters!” he said, pouting like a child cheated out of his candy.

“Which is also the same reason why I didn’t tell you,” she said, reaching up and playfully pinching his nose. “I wanted to surprise you!”

“Well, I’m surprised!” Yuto said, grinning. The girl releases Yuto’s nose and seemed to notice for the first time that they had an audience. She peeked behind Yuto and smiled at Yamada and Chinen, waving shyly. Yuto turned, grinning apologetically and pulling the girl with him. Yamada had straightened up, discreetly slipping back his knife into his boot as Chinen dropped his hand from his weapon holster and had inched closer to him while Yuto and the girl were talking.

Yuto gestured to her with a flourish as he introduced her. “Suzu-ch—ah, Ohgo Suzuka, they’re my friends. Yamada Ryosuke and Chinen Yuri,” he said, beaming widely. The three of them bowed towards each other.

“Nice to meet you,” Yamada and Chinen said in unison.

“Nice to meet you too. Thank you for taking care of this kid,” she said, poking Yuto on the arm to illustrate.

“Hey!” Yuto protested good-naturedly as Yamada and Chinen laughed.

“I hope he wasn’t much trouble,” she said, then looked at Yuto. “What are you doing, show your gratitude too!”

Yamada hurriedly waved his hands in front of his face as Ohgo pulled Yuto down to bow towards Yamada and Chinen. “He’s a good guy, really,” he said, embarrassed.

“See!” Yuto said, grinning at Yamada as both he and Ohgo straightened up.

“I haven’t agreed with anything yet,” Chinen cut in.

“But—!” Yuto said, looking betrayed.

“If you shave off at least ten centimeters off your height, we’ll talk about it,” Chinen said. Yamada laughed, meeting Ohgo’s gaze that, weirdly enough, was focused on him. She suddenly looped her arm around Yuto’s and smiled.

“Can I kidnap Yuto-kun for a bit? It’s been half a year since I’ve seen him,” she said with a smile.

“Who told you to go to that exchange program for UCLA anyway,” Yuto replied with a pout.

“I don’t think you need to ask permission when you kidnap someone,” Chinen observed.

“It’s okay, right, Yamada-kun?” Ohgo asked.

“Eh?” Yamada said in surprise, fidgeting now that everyone’s gaze was focused on him. He caught the question in Yuto’s eyes and gave him a small nod. “S-sure,” he answered, scratching the back of his neck for a bit.

She smiled and inclined her head, bowing once more before she began pulling on Yuto’s arm. He had picked up his backpack from where it was sitting on the ground with the rest of their things.

“Shouldn’t I be agreeing to this first?” he asked, letting himself be pulled along anyway.

“You’re not supposed to ask permission if you want to kidnap someone,” she quipped, turning to wave at a dumbfounded Yamada and Chinen. “It was nice meeting you!”

Yuto turned and waved as well. “See you guys in class next week!” he called out, then hurried as Ohgo pulled at his arm and tried not to stumble over his own feet. Yamada waved at them until they disappeared around the curve of the road.

“Staring after them won’t tell you anything,” Chinen said, hoisting his backpack to his shoulder and giving Yamada his own bag. “Come on, before we lose them.”

“What are you doing?” Yamada asked.

Chinen looked at him as though he had lost his mind.“Isn’t Yutti your mission assignment? Why are you letting him off your sight?” he asked.

“They deserve some time alone together,” Yamada supplied lamely.

“You still need to keep him under your watch,” Chinen said sternly.

“I was meaning to go follow them anyway,” Yamada mumbled. They had already caught up with Ohgo and Yuto. He had his camera out and was taking pictures, while she wore the glove he was using earlier in her hand and was tossing the ball that she must have picked up earlier up and down.

“I didn’t know I was that easy to replace,” she said, walking backwards so she could face Yuto while she was talking. From the spot where Yamada and Chinen were watching, they could see her pouting, hear the playful tone of her voice and the layer of sadness hidden underneath. “My pride is a bit hurt, you know. Pay for the damages!”

Yuto lowered his camera and walked towards Ohgo. She stopped walking and stood still, and the both of them looked at each other for a long moment. Then Yuto leaned forward, his face mere centimeters away from Ohgo’s, and casually flicked her on the forehead.

“As if I’ll ever replace you,” Yuto said.

Ohgo put her hand to her forehead, hitting him on the shoulder with his free hand. “You dork. You read too much shoujo manga,” she said.

“Ow!” he said, rubbing the spot where she hit him. “Who leaves them lying around all the time? I get bored, okay!”

“Ryosuke,” Chinen said quietly from beside Yamada. “Let’s go.”

“What?” Yamada said, turning towards Chinen in surprise. He was watching as Ohgo poked at Yuto’s cheek before laughing and beginning to walk in step with Yuto once more. “But what about—”

Chinen shrugged. “The sun’s almost down and Yutti won’t be able to take nice photos; they’ll be going back soon. They’ll be fine,” he said. He had straightened up from where he had crouched to hide, brushing off dry leaves from his pants and avoiding Yamada’s gaze for some reason.

“You go ahead,” Yamada said, turning back to watch Yuto and Ohgo. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

Chinen shrugged, giving the couple they were watching a final glance before patting Yamada’s shoulder and sauntering off.

Yamada leaned back against the tree he was hiding behind, watching how Ohgo and Yuto’s shadows aligned from the light of the setting sun.

“Chinen looked weird when he came back. Did something happen?” Shida asked. She was sitting right across from Yamada, tapping her fingers against the sorry piece of masking tape that someone (probably Kamiki) had used to cover the stab wound that Yamada made on its surface a few weeks back.

Yamada’s fingers paused for a moment over his keyboard, glancing up at Shida and inclining his head. “He was acting strange earlier too. I’m not sure,” he said, going back to typing up the day’s report to get it over and done with.

“You were with him the whole day. Are you not telling us something?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

Yamada sighed and went back to his report. “This is supposed to be confidential stuff,” he said, squinting at his laptop screen and frowning.

“You’re pretty quiet too,” Hikaru commented. He had been making tea in the kitchen, and now sat down at the empty seat next to Shida. “Did something happen with Nakajima-kun?”

Yamada punched in a wrong key, swearing softly at the typo before firmly pressing the delete button. He stared at Ohgo’s name in his report and frowned, the furrow between his eyebrows deepening.

Hikaru chuckled. “Bull’s eye,” he said. “You’re such an easy guy to figure out.”

“I have a confidentiality clause!” Yamada said in exasperation.

Shida poked her head over Yamada’s laptop screen, resting her chin lightly over the top of the screen and her eyes lit with excitement. “Ooooh, was there any plot development? What base are you in right now?” she asked.

Yamada selected “Print Document” and chucked Shida lighty under the chin with his crooked index finger, firmly closing his laptop. “We’re not a shoujo manga, Shida. And you don’t even like baseball either,” he said. “There is no plot development.”

Shida pouted. “So stingy. You’re no fun,” she said.

Yamada patted her head, which only succeeded in making her puff out her cheeks more and making her bat his hand away. “Thanks, so I’ve been told. By Chinen. At least once a day, even,” he said.

“You know, in a shoujo manga the heroine’s friend would tell her something like ‘you should tell the person you like your feelings’ or something in this situation,” Hikaru mused. “So that means one thing…”

“What? That you read through Shida’s shoujo manga collection?” Yamada countered.

“I knew someone was going through my Sailor Moon copies! Give me back the third volume! It’s been missing since forever,” Shida said.

“I think Inoo-kun actually has that volume,” Hikaru said, not even denying anything. He turned to Yamada. “You should seriously stop blocking your own storyline, man.”

Yamada stood up, grabbing the printed pages of his report that Hikaru had sneaked out of the printer and putting them in a clear file. “First, I’m not a shoujo manga heroine. Second, there was no storyline to begin with,” he said. “Stop plotting out things that aren’t there.”

Hikaru shrugged casually. “There are plot twists, Yamada. It’s a thing,” he said, a smug smile on his face.

Yamada resisted the (very strong) urge to roll his eyes at Hikaru. “News flash: this is real life,” he said.

Shida giggled. “We’re secret agents, how much more fictional and James Bond can we get?” she said.

“You should really tell him your feelings!” Hikaru insisted as Yamada was leaving the table.

“Confidentiality clause!” Yamada called over his shoulder.

“Inoo-kun? I’m done with today’s report,” Yamada called out, knocking on the door of Inoo’s office.

“Come on in,” he heard Inoo’s voice say. He placed his hand on the door knob, but someone was already opening the door from the other side.

“Oh—Chinen?” Yamada said. Chinen looked up and gave Yamada a tired smile, tucking a file under his arm.

“I hope you came prepared. He was reading shoujo manga before I came in,” he said. Yamada groaned, making Chinen laugh and pat Yamada on the shoulder.

“Why are you here, anyway? Did something happen?” Yamada asked, eyeing the folder Chinen had.

Chinen smiled. “Confidentiality clause,” he said mysteriously, then pointed his thumb over his shoulder into Inoo’s office. “Now quit playing Sherlock, Cupid’s waiting.”

“I can hear both of you loud and clear,” Inoo called out. The both of them laughed, and Yamada stepped aside to let Chinen pass before entering Inoo’s office. The interior was sleek, the furniture elegant and functional at the same time (Kamiki said that he dug up Inoo’s architecture diploma in their leader’s files when he was “checking firewall security”, so the rumors must be true), with bookshelves lining the walls and comfortable couches. Inoo was currently stretched across one of them, reading a volume of Sailor Moon that suspiciously looked like Shida’s copy.

“You can leave your report on my desk,” Inoo said, eyebrows scrunched up in concentration. “I’m at a good part.”

Yamada slowly set down his report on Inoo’s desk, wondering if he was going to get off easy today.

“I’ll go then? Early day tomorrow…” he said, inching towards the door.

“How are things going with Nakajima-kun, by the way?” Inoo asked, eyes still on the manga he was reading.

Yamada sighed, longing for a lucky break and wistfully thinking of his bed and the very welcome idea of sleep.

“Everything’s written in the report,” Yamada said in defeat, moving to sit on the couch across from Inoo.

“Chinen said you met someone close to Nakajima-kun today? A special friend, maybe?” Inoo asked, continuing as if he didn’t hear Yamada’s reply.

“Ohgo Suzuka-san. And it’s best friend,” Yamada said, rubbing at his eyes and running his hands through his hair. “Probably girlfriend, even,” he added.

Inoo raised his eyebrows and looked up after marking his place in the manga, probably deciding that Yamada’s response warranted eye contact. “Oh?” he said, his tone expressing nothing else but mild interest and curiosity. “Why did you say so?”

“They’re so…” Yamada said, trailing off and running a hand through his hair while trying to think of the right word. “...touchy?”

Another eyebrow raise. “Touchy in a way that cannot be aired on TV?” Inoo asked, his tone still carefully neutral.

Yamada shook his head vehemently. “No, not like that!” Yamada said. It took him a long time to continue, trying to put his thoughts into words.

“It’s like... they’ll be comfortable in each other’s skins? Like the other person was an extension of the other,” he continued slowly. “They looked like they have a very comfortable relationship.”

“Oh, like you are with Shida?” Inoo asked.

Yamada blinked. “...I guess you could say that,” he said slowly.

Inoo smiled at Yamada, opening the manga to the page where he stopped. “There you go,” he said.

Yamada blinked, then narrowed his eyes at Inoo. “You did that on purpose,” he accused.

“No comment,” Inoo replied, turning a page.

Yamada opened his mouth to argue, then closed it without saying anything. His shoulders slumped, the fight going out of him. “I don’t want to play your games, Inoo-kun,” he said, in a voice of someone exhausted to his very soul.

“This was never a game, Yamada-kun. I’ve always thought of it more as a gamble,” he said.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?!” Yamada said in exasperation.

Inoo closed the manga and set it down on the couch, sitting up straight and holding Yamada’s gaze. “Because it’s true, Yamada-kun. You know how dangerous this life we lead could be,” he said in a grim tone. “In the most difficult of times, we don’t know just how many of the people who left in the morning would come back alive.”

Yamada knew. He knew all too well. There were so many people, people who came into their group before and after him, people who became his friends, people whom he trusted with his life. People who taught him to fight with knives and with guns, people who taught him to drive any vehicle on land, air and water short of a spaceship, people who knew about his crab allergy, people who dared him to dye his hair silver. People whose pictures hung on the wall over his desk, people who went out like any other day and would never be heard of again, people who drove out and came home in body bags or coffins or burial urns or never came home at all. People who were alive and came back corpses.

People who were living, breathing.

People who were.

Yamada knew.

Yamada knew all too well.

“I understand,” he said quietly.

“Then you know that in the moment we signed up for this, we have to live life as fully as we possibly can,” Inoo said. He stood up and ambled slowly to his desk, picking up the report Yamada had submitted.

He held up the file. “You deserve to live more than a daily summary of events. You’re a story in the making, Yamada-kun. Make it the best one you can write,” he said.

“It’s scary,” Yamada whispered. He looked up at Inoo. “What about the after? When this assignment is over? What, I just end the story there? I’d rather not start when that ending is all that I can see.”

Inoo sat down, the clear file in his hands. When he spoke again, his voice was old and bore the weight of the people he had encountered. People who he may never meet again but had all touched his life and left a mark. People, they make ripples in the surface of everyone’s lives. We are all disturbances to that surface. It all came down to which surfaces you would touch. He held Yamada’s gaze, his voice clear.

“The cards are already laid out on the table. I only shuffle and deal them out. It’s up to the players to make what moves they think is best,” he said. “These cards know how they want to be dealt. But the players don’t. What may seem like a bad hand may just make you win.”

Yamada did not say anything, but Inoo did not look like he was expecting an answer. He offered Yamada a wry smile as he set down Yamada’s mission report and bowed his head as he opened the manga he was reading, which Yamada took as a sign that he was free to go. Just as he opened the door, he heard Inoo’s voice once more.

“It’s sad to see a player give up on his hand even before he sees all the cards. It’s a gamble for a reason. You just have to hold on to that hand.”

Yamada turned and bowed his head towards Inoo before quietly closing the door behind him, going to his room to think about their conversation and his ghosts in peace.

“You really like kidnapping people, don’t you?” Yamada said, warily settling into his seat. Chinen had left before him, so he had waited for Yuto alone by their usual pillar. In the past fifteen minutes, he had received a text from Yuto telling him he was sick and he wasn’t going to class that day, and with the free day suddenly given to him he had planned to go straight home and get some more shut-eye. He was just about to leave when Ohgo suddenly showed up and dragged him away with surprising strength to a small cafe inside the campus. She was now sitting across from him, watching him from the top of the rim of her coffee cup.

It was shaping up to be one weird morning.

“Are you saying I have a reputation?” she now asked, setting down her cup on its saucer and folding her hands together on the table.

He hastily waved his hand in front of his face in the negative, grabbing his coffee mug to distract himself. “That’s not what I meant!” he said, blushing.

She smiled at his reaction, making him blush further. “So,” she said, placing her elbows on the table and crossing her fingers together before leaning her chin on her hands. “What’s going on between you and Yuto?”

Yamada coughed, spluttering over his drink. “W-what?” he said, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You heard me,” she said. She clearly wasn’t going to make this conversation easy.

“I don’t understand the question,” he said slowly. She was still smiling at his response, leaning back and wrapping her hands around her drink.

“I know about your relationship with Yuto-kun, Yamada-san,” she said quietly. He didn’t respond at once, drinking slowly from his hot drink.

“We’re just friends. He helped me adjust into the classes,” he said. “You don’t have to worry about anything.

She narrowed her eyes, her lips twitching into a small frown. “I don’t appreciate being made like a fool or being lied to, Yamada-san,” she said, her voice iron will and steely determination. She put down her drink. “I’ve been informed by Yuto about your profession and your involvement. Please, let’s stop lying to each other.”

Yamada straightened in his seat, meeting her gaze. “You do know that the lie is necessary to make in order to ensure the safety of my client. I’m sorry for lying, but do understand that knowing about us and what we do compromises the safety of everyone involved, you included,” he said, putting down his mug. “You can’t just advertise that information to anyone; the consequences might be something far beyond our control.”

Ohgo nodded, sipping at her drink. “I’m sorry,” she said. Her hands, wrapped around her cup, were shaking.

He shook his head. “It’s okay,” he said, offering a smile to her direction. “I would be worried too, if someone like me would suddenly show up and ingrain myself into the life of… of a person important to him.”

They continued to drink in silence, Yamada noting that Ohgo did not refute his statement.

“You know how influential his family is, right? It’s like a complex for him,” she said suddenly, a sad smile blooming on her face. “It’s like other people can’t look past the wealth and the surname. Seeing his smile break from all the fake friendship… it’s painful to watch.”

“Why are you telling me these things?” he asked slowly. His own hands tightened around his drink, his brain numbing the almost scalding heat of his mug as he processed Ohgo’s words.

“Because Yuto and I, we’re the same,” Ohgo said. She looked at Yamada. “We’ve gone through a lot of the same things. It’s been a long time since he’s completely opened up to someone, and it makes me happy that he made friends like you and Chinen-san. I know he trusts you with more than just his life.”

“I’ve never thought that his life is just anything. It’s more valuable than my own. He’s an important existence,” Yamada said. He sat back after saying everything, a little startled himself.

“Thank you for thinking about him like that,” Ohgo said, then blushed, standing up and bowing deeply towards Yamada. “Sorry for being this demanding, I—I don’t even have a proper excuse. I’m sorry for being unreasonable and taking so much of your time.”

“It’s my job,” he replied, standing up and making Ohgo sit down as he eyed the sudden onlookers with unease. “Please don’t apologize, I completely understand.”

Ohgo sat back down and Yamada followed. For a long moment, they sat in comfortable silence, sipping at their drinks until Ohgo cleared her throat, setting down her cup and tapping her index finger on the rim as she spoke.

“More than it being your job, just… please don’t let who he is faze you,” she said. “Underneath all the crazy things in his life, he’s just Nakajima Yuto.”

“He’s not just Nakajima Yuto, Ohgo-san. He is never just anyone to me,” he said with a smile, looking at the contents of his mug and the steam rising from it. “He’s Yuto-kun.”

He inclined his head and she bowed, the both of them smiling when they raised their heads and let their gazes meet.

“Oh,” she said, stopping right in front of the door he had held open for her.

“Did you forget something?” he asked politely.

She locked eyes with him, smiling sweetly. “Just so you know, if you ever let him be hurt or hurt him, in any way, just know that I will make you pay in any way I can. Painfully,” she said, suddenly.

“Uh… okay?” he said, blinking rapidly; he almost let go of the door handle in his shock from the sudden threat. She smiled, apparently satisfied with his answer, and stepped outside, stretching her arms over her head and closing her eyes against the warm sunlight. He followed after her, smiling.

“I could see why Yuto-kun would like you,” Yamada said. Ohgo dropped her arms, looking at him.

“Eh?” she said, confusion written all over her face

“...Did I say something I shouldn’t have said…?” Yamada said in horror, kicking himself in the head mentally for his lack of a brain to mouth filter.

“I’m not sure I understand, but I think there’s been a huge misunderstanding…” she said, trailing off as she squinted at someone behind Yamada. She took out a pair of prescription glasses from her bag and put them on, pointing at someone seated alone in one of the cafe tables outside.

“Isn’t he your friend?” she asked. Yamada looked towards the direction she was pointing and blinked.

“Chinen?” he called out in disbelief.

Chinen had jerked awake from the position he had been sleeping in (his arms crossed over his chest with his head lolling down and his chin touching his chest) and blinked blearily.

“Oh. Hi guys,” he said, stretching and not even bothering to hide the huge yawn that followed.

“What are you doing here? I didn’t see you the whole morning,” Yamada asked.

Chinen shrugged, propping his cheek on his hand. “I wanted to wake up early,” he said.

“And sleep here instead?” Ohgo asked doubtfully, looking around the outdoor tables of the café. “Though it is nice here.”

“Why are you interrogating me too?” he asked. “I thought Ryosuke is the resident play detective here.”

“Hey!” Yamada complained as Ohgo crossed her arms over her chest.

“Were you waiting for someone? A date, perhaps?” she asked. Chinen mirrored her pose.

“I have the right to remain silent,” he said diplomatically.

“Or you could be stalking someone,” Ohgo said with a grin.

“I resent that! I’m too cute to stalk anyone,” he declared. “Even if they’re as pretty as Ohgo-san.”

Yamada watched the whole exchange with interest. He and Ohgo had talked in slightly more formal tones, probably due to their choice of conversation topic earlier, but there was a certain natural ease that came when Chinen and Ohgo talked. Chinen was usually shy and taciturn with strangers, so it was a nice sight to see him readily interact with Ohgo.

“Let me know if you two are done flirting, okay?” Yamada said with a grin. Both Chinen and Ohgo turned to look at him, earning a glare from Ohgo and a whack to the head from Chinen.

“Hey! No tag teams! Chinen is enough of a menace as it is,” Yamada said, wincing as he rubbed at the spot where Chinen had hit him.

“Whatever, I’d beat you any day,” she said with a grin. Yamada pouted as Chinen burst out laughing.

“I think you’re my new favorite person,” Chinen said, grinning at Ohgo and pretending to wipe away a tear as he patted Yamada on the shoulder. “Sorry Ryosuke, but you’ve been replaced. Thanks for the memories.”

“Some friends you are,” Yamada muttered. Chinen laughed harder when Ohgo patted Yamada consolingly on the head.

“You’ll get over it,” she said soothingly.

They ended up staying in the cafe for the next three hours, Chinen asking Ohgo about her schedule and talking to her in English (mostly just to annoy Yamada, he was sure of it), Yamada realizing with a start that he referred to Ohgo as his friend, that she didn’t deny it, and revelling on how nice it felt to realize that friendship always started before anyone even begins to even think of putting a name to it.

“Come on, Yama-chan, just one picture!” Yuto pleaded. Yamada shook his head, his face mask firmly in place. They were on the same outdoor cafe table from the cafe where Yamada and Chinen had formed their friendship with Ohgo (Yuto had complained about missing the joke when he caught the three of them sharing secret smiles and refusing to tell him what had happened) trying to study for the midterms. Yamada doesn’t understand why he has to take the exams too, but flunking out of his classes wouldn’t really help in making his job easier.

It didn’t mean that he had to like it, though.

“Why me? Take pictures of them instead,” he said while pointing at Chinen and Ohgo, who were looking on with amused smiles on their faces.

“Nah, we’re gonna get more coffee. Chinen-kun?” Ohgo said. Chinen immediately stood up and pulled out Ohgo’s chair, helping her stand. Yamada watched them go, his smile hidden by his face mask. A flash came from beside him, and Yamada blinked at the sight of Yuto grinning at the display screen of his camera.

“Your eyes look extra sparkly in this one,” he said gleefully. “The lighting is really good at this spot.”

“Why do you insist on taking pictures of me?” Yamada said, fond (and resigned) exasperation in his voice.

“Because you’re pretty! You register so well on camera, and you look like moonlight on the darkest nights,” he said without any hesitation, looking at Yamada before glancing back down to the display screen of his camera. “Though the live one is always much better than the photographs.”

Yamada was just grateful that the blush that was probably spreading across his face was hidden by his mask.

“You have that look again,” Yamada commented instead, pulling down his face mask when he was sure it was safe to take a sip from his drink.

“Eh?” Yuto asked, looking up from his camera.

“That ‘what should I take pictures of today’ look,” Yamada said.

Yuto stared. “My expressions have a name?” he said.

Yamada shrugged. “The usual ones,” he said.

“Wow, you really like watching people, don’t you?” Yuto said.

“You’re always interesting to watch,” Yamada said with a shrug, pulling in another mouthful of his drink through his straw. “You have a really interesting range of expressions, and your face is really nice to look at. I like looking at you.”

He looked up to see Yuto choking on his drink and, realizing how his words might sound like, promptly choked on his own.

“I-I just meant you have a really expressive face!” he said.

“Weak save, Ryosuke. A brave attempt, but weak,” Chinen commented, choosing that moment (of course) to return with Ohgo and witness their red faces and Yamada’s general… Yamada-ness.

“I hate you,” he informed Chinen.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference,” Chinen quipped. “So keep telling yourself that.”

“I don’t even know what point you want to make,” Ohgo said, quietly giving a still spluttering Yuto a tissue.

“I was trying to impress you with my intelligence,” he said.

“I was more impressed with your total lack of humility,” she answered. She turned to Yamada. “Where does he get all this self-confidence?”

Yamada shrugged, trying to ignore the fact that he could feel Yuto’s eyes on him.

Continued in Part 3

Occupational Hazard (1/3) (for xingphonic)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 14:53:39 GMT

Title: Occupational Hazard
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff
Word Count: 15,531 words
Recipient: xingphonic
Summary: What happens when the boss of the secret spy organization you are a part of is also a self-proclaimed matchmaker? Feelings, of course. A lot of feelings.
Author's Note: The request asked for silver-haired Yamada and alternate universes (and Inoo playing a major role, which is Very Important), and I went through three drafts before finally deciding to continue this one for the exchange assignment. I really don’t know what happened afterwards, I am so sorry. And this is so late and I am probably stripped of all anonymity by now so Recipient-sama I just want to let you know I will make it up to you in some way, I promise. Special thanks to all my cheerleaders and my lovely beta, and to the mods who are ordering me to a forced hiatus after everything to get to rest and for understanding how late I am. I hope this fic would make it up for my lateness by fulfilling Recipient-sama’s requests. Thank you for waiting and sorry for being the cause of delay ;u; This has been a heck of an emotional roller coaster and I hope everyone finds something they enjoy in this story ;u;

“So…” Yamada said, idly flipping the knife in his hand and catching it perfectly by the handle at every turn. “…we have to look after kids now?

Chinen shrugged. “Well, college kids so technically they’re about our age.”

Yamada picked up the folder lying on the table, studying the contents of the file inside. Chinen looked at him with detached interest, tapping out a complicated string of numbers on the keyboard in front of him that was probably some sort of illegal code again (Yamada didn’t want to know). He returned his attention to the folder on his lap which was open to his current subject assignment, given to him by their boss (who had a mysterious smile on his face when he did so—also one of the things Yamada didn’t want to know) when he called for him earlier.

“Nakajima Yuto, 21 years old, second year at Keio University, amateur photographer, son of the president of the Nakajima group of companies,” he read aloud, thumbing through the pages. It was full of photocopies of awards and certificates that the subject has received, along with his credentials and personal information and pictures that were definitely taken by hidden cameras. “He’s the poster boy of the privileged kid stereotype. The kind of guys that exist in shojo mangas, probably: smart, rich, and probably has good looks.”

“’Probably’?” Chinen asked.

Yamada held out the printouts. “Newspaper photos are too blurry, and they showcase the work more than the actual person,” he said. “From what I read, it seems like a personal preference from the person himself.”

“Maybe he’s the shy type?” Chinen guessed. He peered over Yamada’s shoulders at the papers in his friend’s hands. “Why are we putting him under surveillance, anyway?”

“The father wanted additional security for his son while he’s in school to add to the security he already has, since he’s closing a very important international deal with several countries. If it pushes through, it’s supposed to greatly affect Japan’s economic growth,” Yamada said, looking down at the papers with the beginnings of a frown on his lips. “And for some reason, Inoo-kun assigned him to me, of all people.”

“That’s nice, you get volunteered now. You have an awesome track record, anyway,” Chinen said, stretching out his fingers over his keyboard. “But I don’t envy the babysitting job. Good luck in helping him stumble drunk out of parties and all the other stupid things university students probably do.”

Yamada let out a long-suffering sigh and flopped onto the couch, throwing the knife idly as he went down. The door opened, just as the knife buried itself to the dartboard hanging behind it.

“What the—Yamada!” a female voice said. Yamada raised himself by his elbows and looked over the door, where a glaring Shida stood with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Can you stop throwing knives at doors? This is really not helping with the safety thing,” she said. She pulled out the knife from the dartboard and stalked over to the two, wagging the knife near Yamada’s face. “And stop ruining the dartboards!”

“Calm down, I didn’t miss anyway!” Yamada said, quickly taking the knife from Shida by the blade without injuring himself. He now went back to tossing it up and down, like it wouldn’t cut his fingers with one wrong move. “And be careful with these knives, you could hurt yourself. Besides, knives are pointy things too, what’s the difference?”

“I am so done with this conversation already,” Chinen commented, plopping down on the couch next to Yamada’s head and putting up his feet on the coffee table. “What do you want, Mirai-chan? Barging into the holy territory of masculinity?”

Shida gave Chinen a filthy look that was five different levels of judgmental all at once before turning back to Yamada. “You got a new assignment, I heard?”

Yamada sighed. “Trust Kamiki to tell you; do you guys have no secrets?” he asked, catching the knife by the blade between the gaps of his fingers and reluctantly sitting up.

“Be careful; Inoo-kun seemed like he was in one of those moods again,” Shida said.

Chinen snorted as Yamada groaned, collapsing back onto the couch. “I am so done with this!” he declared to the ceiling. “And stop laughing, both of you.”

“I wasn’t doing anything!” Shida said indignantly.

“You were about to laugh! Remember I have a knife in my hands,” he said.

“And I have three hypodermic needles with muscle paralysis and breathing constriction drugs,” she said, casually placing her hand over the hidden pockets in her sleeve and cocking an eyebrow at Yamada. “Just saying.”

“Not fair! Why don’t I get cool things like that?” Yamada complained. Shida laughed and patted Yamada on the head, his silver hair in its usual state of mussed and unruly.

“Because you’re better with knives and guns and using your muscles for more… physical things. I’m the stealth and sudden death type,” she answered. Then she grinned, sitting down on the coffee table. “What are you going to do? Are you going to accept the new assignment?”

“I need to earn my keep,” Yamada said as a response. Chinen sat up and met Yamada’s gaze.

“Maybe something good would come out of it,” he said, stretching his arms and yawning. “Inoo-kun got involved after all. He’s got great taste.”

Yamada furrowed his eyebrows. “…why are you making it sound like I’m going to a cake buffet?” he said suspiciously. “It’s an official assignment!”

Chinen shared a grin with Shida. “Oh I dunno, maybe you’ll get some pretty good mancake after this mission. Pun intended, all rights reserved,” he said.

Yamada groaned, covering his eyes with his arm. “You two are horrible,” he said, in a voice that told how resigned he was to his fate. “I need a constant reminder of why I’m friends with you guys.”

“Because you don’t have much of a choice pool,” Chinen replied, smirking down at Yamada even if he couldn’t see.

“And you’re lucky to have us as it is; with your grumpy personality, you don’t have much to sell yourself with,” Shida said, crouching down on the floor next to Yamada’s head and poking his cheek. “Well, you do have a pretty face. But you really lack in the conversation department,” she added after some consideration.

“You’re such a true friend, I’m really touched, thanks,” Yamada said in a deadpan voice. He removed the arm covering his eyes and turned his head to look at Shida. “And Inoo-kun still wonders why we didn’t end up together.”

Shida smiled. “We’re best bros anyway, so he got that right. And I found someone the second time around, so he’s still right,” she said.

Yamada covered his ears and pulled a face of pretend horror. “Please, I don’t need the sordid details of your love life. I get enough from Kamiki, what with all the teasing Chinen does.”

Shida hit him on the arm. “Instead of teasing me, why don’t you use your muscles for something useful like target practice?” she said. “This assignment might sound easy, but you never know.”

“Yes, mother,” Yamada said, pouting. Shida punched him once on the arm before standing up, snagging the knife from Yamada’s hands and putting back the knife in the sheath strapped to his hip. He watched her turn before calling out to her again, almost as if it was an afterthought.

“Shida?”

She turned, hands tucked into her pockets. “Hmm?”

Yamada smiled. “Thanks for telling me, even if you didn’t have to,” he said.

Shida grinned and flashed him a peace sign. “Somebody needs to remind you once in a while that it’s okay to give yourself a chance. You don’t give yourself enough credit,” she said.

His mouth turned up at the corners, even as Chinen grasped his shoulder before standing up and sauntering towards the door as well. “Thanks,” Yamada said after their retreating backs. Both of his friends raised their hands in matching peace signs over their shoulders and closed the door behind him. He stared at the closed door and sighed, drawing out the knife from the sheath on his hip and twirling it between his fingers. He considered the pros and cons of incurring Shida’s wrath before shrugging and taking aim, letting the knife fly and hitting the dart board, dead center. He sunk back against the sofa cushions, reluctantly turning back towards the case files and frustratingly uncharacteristic blurry photos that Inoo had provided.

He’ll deal with Shida (and maybe buying a new dart board) some other time.

“I know we have to blend in and stuff,” Yamada said slowly, before glancing down at his ‘university student’ outfit. “But why do we have to be students too? Can’t we be professors instead?”

“And what are we going to teach students? The vital points to target in the human body when disabling a terrorist? How to identify and detonate over a dozen types of bombs?” Chinen replied. “Plus, we don’t have the height to look the part.”

“…Point,” Yamada said, fidgeting with the collar of his hoodie and glancing at the horde of students milling about the campus grounds. He was dressed normally, but his silver hair still attracted curious looks. “But I still don’t like this.”

“Me either,” Chinen murmured, leaning his head on Yamada’s shoulder as he yawned. “I hate kids.”

“They’re our age, and a majority of them are at least a head taller than the both of us,” Yamada pointed out.

Chinen waved his hand dismissively over a group of giggling guys and girls seated around a table. “The blatant flirtation is disgusting. How can anyone study with all these pheromones floating around?” he said.

“Why do you sound like you’re channelling an old man?” Yamada said, running his hands through his silver (bed) hair. “As if you’re not Captain Flirt yourself.”

“You’re confusing my natural charm and adorableness with flirtation,” Chinen said, cocking an eyebrow at Yamada and covering his mouth with his hands in mock surprise. “Oh my gosh, did you ever think I flirted with you before?”

Yamada sighed and yawned. “Why did I even start this conversation again?”

Chinen dropped his hands and shrugged. Yamada leant against the wall, hugging his backpack to his chest. “Why are you even here? Are you having fatherly feelings and wanted to send me to school?” he asked skeptically. “You do know I’m not actually going, right?”

“You think I’d be awake this early if I was just here for fun?” Chinen asked, yawning to emphasize his point.

Yamada shrugged. “I know your determination when it comes to seeing your friends suffer for your entertainment. Who am I to judge?” he said.

Chinen swatted at his head. “I was assigned here, you idiot,” he said. “Inoo-kun said something about ‘an unforeseen incident’ or something.”

Yamada raised an eyebrow at that. “What?”

Before Chinen could reply, a nervous cough came from beside Yamada. He looked up, putting up his hand to shield his eyes from the glare of the early morning sun as he peered up at the (very tall) stranger.

“Yamada… Ryosuke-kun?” the newcomer asked nervously. Yamada nodded, but didn’t speak. The stranger cleared his throat, fiddling with the edges of his scarf. “I was told to meet you? I’m Nakajima Yuto.”

“Yes, this is sounding more like a script from a bad mafia movie,” Chinen muttered, sighing loudly before thumping both of them on the back. “I’m Chinen Yuri. We all know why we’re here, so let’s not waste time with pleasantries. Yutti, lead the way to your class.”

“Y-yutti?” Yuto asked. A corner of Yamada’s lips lifted as he made a conscious effort not to smile at the way Chinen raised his eyebrow at their client despite the gaping twenty centimeter height difference.

“Why? Do you want a new nickname? Yuto-pon has a nice ring to it too, now that I think about it,” he said.

“Just let him call you Yutti, or else he’ll just come up with more embarrassing nicknames,” Yamada advised Yuto.

“Does he usually call people with their first name?” he asked.

“He’s a weird child, please excuse his ways,” Yamada answered by way of explanation. Yuto grinned at Yamada and nodded.

Yamada shielded the rays of the early morning sun and fully looked at Yuto’s face for the first time.

Oh.

“Can I call you Yama-chan then?” he asked. Chinen smirked behind Yuto’s back at Yamada, blatantly pointing at Yuto and—was he waggling his eyebrows?

“O...kay?” Yamada answered hesitantly. Yuto nodded, his smile growing wider before turning back to Chinen to ask him a question. Chinen winked at Yamada before replying to Yuto, but Yamada was too busy pulling out his phone and sending an e-mail to their boss to do more than quickly glare at him.

To: Inoo Kei
Subject: I know what you’re doing.

So this is why there were no clear pictures in the file. I thought that was suspicious.
I know what you’re doing.
I hate you.
(Please don’t fire me, you know I’m just joking.
But I still hate you.
And you owe me strawberries after this.)
(And don’t you dare bet with Hikaru and Shida about this.)

Yamada pressed his thumb to his phone’s screen with more force than necessary. A few seconds later his phone vibrated, showing that he had one new message. He opened the mail and stared at his boss’s reply in disbelief.

From: Inoo Kei
Subject: None

;)

Yamada sighed loudly, stuffing his phone into the pocket of his hoodie and hoisting the straps of his backpack up his shoulder.

“Is something wrong?” Yuto asked.

Yamada frowned and shook his head in reply. They all filed into the classroom and chose seats in the middle of the class. Chinen had somehow maneuvered that Yamada sit beside Yuto.

“Don’t mind him, he’s probably just nervous,” Chinen piped up from beside Yuto.

“It’s okay, I felt the same way my first day,” Yuto said, smiling at Yamada. Someone called Yuto’s name, and as he turned to wave at the person Yamada sent a quick glare at Chinen’s direction. Chinen, being himself, just smirked at Yamada in reply. Sighing, Yamada took out a pencil and a notebook; since he was playing the student, he should at least act the part.

This was going to be a long day.

“Are you for real?” Yamada said five hours later, still recovering from jaw dropping. They were in the open parking lot of the university, and the three of them were standing in front of a sleek white (and very expensive and super limited) convertible. Yuto rubbed the nape of his neck, the skin a faint shade of blush pink.

Chinen poked Yuto on the arm, nodding his head. “Yup, it seems so,” he confirmed with a solemn expression on his face. Yamada swatted at Chinen’s hand as Yuto laughed.

“It’s not a big deal. It’s not like I bought it with my own money or anything,” Yuto said, suddenly quiet and serious as he absently patted the hood of the car. Yamada watched for a moment as Yuto’s fingers slowly drummed on the steel before clapping Yuto hard on the shoulder (he hates that he had to reach up so high, what the hell puberty). Yuto jumped in surprise, looking down at him (again, what the hell puberty).

“We could drive you home if you’re not feeling up to it,” Yamada said.

“Is that part of the job description? Because I could perfectly go home by myself,” Yuto said, albeit a little grumpy. “I don’t need to be babied.”

“Hey, we’re not babysitters,” Chinen cut in, levelling a glare at Yuto’s direction. “We’re actual professionals, got that? Unless you do something stupid, you would never have to feel like you’re being coddled.”

Yuto looked taken aback but nodded slowly. “Sorry,” he said.

Chinen waved his hand dismissively, and then looked at his watch before clapping Yamada and Yuto on the back. “Well, that’s me for today,” he said.

“Huh? Where are you going?” Yamada asked in confusion.

Chinen leaned forward to whisper into his ear. “Somewhere where I won’t be disturbing Inoo-kun’s master plan,” he said. He pulled back and simpered at Yamada before nodding at Yuto and sauntering off.

“Is he usually this carefree?” Yuto asked, looking at Chinen’s retreating back.

Yamada shook his head and shrugged, having long given up on explaining the enigma that is Chinen Yuri. He eyed the backpack that Yuto had placed into the trunk of his car. “Are you going home for the day?” he asked politely.

Yuto stared at Yamada and blinked before retrieving things out of his bag, placing his wallet, phone and keys into his pockets before carefully drawing out a camera from his bag. “I was planning to go for a walk around the campus and take some pictures… will that be too much trouble?” he asked worriedly.

Yamada looked at Yuto, raising his eyebrows in surprise. Most people would either act like bodyguards were a nuisance or else pretend that they don’t exist.

He guessed Yuto wasn’t like most people.

Yamada shook his head. “No it’s okay. But would I be a bother? I can watch over a few paces back if you want to be alone,” he said, then paused. “...This sounds weird right? It’s like I’m asking for your permission to stalk you or something.”

Yuto laughed and shook his head. “The company would be nice, actually. I usually do this alone, or with my best friend when she isn’t busy being awesome.”

Yamada watched the gentle smile that came up at Yuto’s face when he mentioned his best friend and felt a little twinge in his heart.

Chinen had looked up from the pool table where he was planning out his next shot when Yamada banged the door to the recreation center open, his head covered with the hood of his jacket and his face hidden with a black face mask. The other guy playing with him greeted Yamada with a wave and a big smile.

“Yamada-kun, welcome home!” he said brightly, almost poking himself in the eye with his billiard stick.

“Hello, Hikaru-kun,” Yamada replied in a sullen tone, voice muffled by his face mask.

“What happened to you?” Inoo asked pleasantly from the couch, raising his teacup in greeting.

“As if you don’t know,” Yamada shot back, throwing himself down on the couch next to Inoo.

Inoo raised his shoulders in a delicate shrug. “That’s why I was asking. I’ll be expecting an official report on my desk before 9AM tomorrow morning, okay?” he said.

“Inoo’s code words for ‘I want all the juicy details’,” Hikaru said, sharing a mischievous grin with Chinen. Inoo smiled, not even denying it as he stood up and patted Yamada on the head, flicking at Hikaru’s forehead on his way out of the door.

“Don’t forget your report okay,” Inoo called out over his shoulder. Yamada saluted in reply, keeping his stance until the door closed behind Inoo. When he was sure their leader was out of earshot, he slumped down on the couch and let out a long sigh.

Hikaru looked over at Yamada and inclined his head. “Sorry about our Inoo-kun, you know what he’s like when he feels like playing Cupid,” he said.

“He’s so shameless about being a matchmaker, it’s ridiculous,” he replied, pulling his legs up to his chest and grabbing one of the pillows on the sofa.

“How did your date go?” Chinen asked. Yamada pointedly glared at him as he pulled off his face mask, tossing it at his direction.

“Shut up, it wasn’t a date,” Yamada muttered darkly. “You were the one being all defensive about calling it an ‘official assignment’ anyway, then deciding to leave me halfway.”

“Awww, did you guys miss me? I can’t blame you, I’m adorable,” Chinen said with a smug grin.

“Your self-confidence never fails to amaze me,” Shida said, coming into the room with Kamiki following right after her.

“Just stating the truth,” Chinen said with a shrug, leaning over the table and taking aim, crowing when his shot got three balls in at the same time. Kamiki called the attention of the billiard players and they all gathered around a tablet that Kamiki had in his hands, apparently discussing a programming code that they had been writing together. Yamada pouted and sunk his face into the pillow he was hugging to his chest. Shida sat down beside Yamada and poked him on the cheek.

“Why are you being so mopey? You’re usually a lot more cheerful and professional on the first day of your assignment,” Shida said, her finger still pressing into Yamada’s cheek.

Yamada batted her hand away and frowned. “I am being professional about this!” he argued. “Clearly everyone else doesn’t want me to be!”

“We care about your future! And okay, maybe we have good money riding on this, so of course we do!” Chinen said, looking up from the screen of the tablet. “We didn’t ask for you to jump his bones right away though, so really, no pressure.”

Yamada threw a pillow at Chinen, which the latter easily avoided.

“We just want this to go well, for everyone’s sanity and your happiness,” Chinen reasoned out, picking up the fallen pillow and throwing it back at Yamada. “And your aim sucks.”

“Be thankful that wasn’t a knife,” Yamada said, sitting back and burying his face on Shida’s shoulder.

Shida laughed and ruffled Yamada’s hair. “Quit moping around and start writing that report. You probably have homework to do as well,” she reminded him. Yamada’s answering groan probably counted as an affirmation.

“Man, why did I agree to do this?” Yamada asked no one in particular.

“Give it up, Yamada-kun,” Kamiki advised.

“What happened to you?” Yuto asked after Yamada yawned for the fourth time in the span of ten minutes.

“Homework is hard. How do you college kids manage to have social lives after everything? The problem sets were endless,” Yamada complained.

“I… don’t know?” Yuto answered. He pointed at Chinen, his chin resting on his hand and evidently fast asleep. “Did he stay up late to do homework too?”

Yamada snorted. “No way, he finished all the homework in an hour, and refused to help me answer mine, by the way. He just stayed up late playing online MMORPGs because his teammates live on the other side of the International Date Line,” he said.

“An hour?” Yuto said in disbelief, looking at Chinen with newfound respect. “Is he a genius or something?”

“His IQ’s around 200 I think, give or take,” Yamada said with a shrug, covering his mouth with the back of his hand to hide his yawn. Yuto looked over him and frowned.

“You look really tired, are you sure you’re okay?” Yuto asked, the concern evident in his voice.

Yamada waved his hand in front of his face. “I’m fine,” he said, stifling another huge yawn. “I just had a lot more paperwork to go through,” he said.

Yuto frowned. “You should really rest,” he said worriedly.

Yamada shook his head. “I can’t slack off on official duty!” he insisted.

“What about him?” Yuto asked, pointing at Chinen.

“Still not on official duty,” Chinen suddenly answered, eyes still closed. He opened one eye and somehow managed to glare at both of them. “You’re not my official assignment, Yutti, so you guys should just let me sleep,” he said, closing his eyes and burying his face in his arms. “If you both value your life, you know not to disturb me.”

Yamada and Yuto both stared at the sleeping Chinen, both sporting a look of confusion on their faces—Yamada especially, who had thought all along that Chinen had been assigned as his mission partner. Before they could manage to wheedle out more answers from him, however, the professor had arrived, and Yamada tried his best to stay awake for the three-hour lecture period.

Tried being the operative word.

“Yama-chan?” a voice said faintly from beside him.

Yamada stirred, raising his head a few centimeters before fully jolting awake.

The classroom was completely empty except for him and the person sitting next to him, whose shoulder he has apparently been using as a pillow. Yamada blushed as he sat up, blinking slowly to reorient himself with his surroundings.

“Where is everyone?” Yamada asked, looking around wildly and not even noticing that his hair was sticking out in crazy directions.

Yuto experimentally rolled his shoulders before replying. “Class ended about ten minutes ago. Chinen-kun said I should let you sleep because you were up late arranging extra security measures for me,” he said, biting his lip and bowing towards Yamada. I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve been causing you.”

“That brat,” Yamada muttered; he can clearly imagine the look on Chinen’s face when he caught Yamada sleeping on Yuto’s shoulder. He ran his fingers through his already messy hair, making it look crazier than it already is.

“I’m really sorry for falling asleep on duty. I promise I’m usually not this sloppy at all. My behaviour is inexcusable,” Yamada said, bowing down to Yuto. Yuto’s eyes widened, flailing his hands and making Yamada raise his head.

“It’s fine, really, Yama-chan. See, no injuries, no death threats, no attempts at my safety!” he hurriedly assured Yamada.

Yamada bit his lip. “But there could have been! I shouldn’t have slacked off!” he said.

Yuto firmly placed his hand on Yamada’s shoulder. “Hey. Yama-chan, look at me,” he said. His voice, soft and quiet, carried across the room. Yamada reluctantly looked up, his brown eyes meeting Yuto’s brown ones that were almost amber in the light. Yuto stared at Yamada before he slowly reached out his hand, hesitating before gently holding Yamada’s chin and softly tugging at it, making Yamada release the lip he was chewing on.

“I’m here. I’m fine. Okay? I won’t disappear that easily,” Yuto said.

“Looks like somebody’s scoring around here,” Chinen said with a wicked grin, eyeing the bruised lip Yamada was sporting from chewing on it earlier. Yamada ignored the innuendo. In fact, he ignored Chinen completely. He was dreamily throwing knives at the dartboard behind the door, all the blades crowding around the middle of the dart board.

“What happened to him?” Hikaru asked, narrowly avoiding being skewered by one of the knives Yamada threw as he went to sit next to Chinen and Kamiki.

Kamiki shrugged. “He’s been acting like that ever since he got home from surveillance,” he said.

“Something good probably happened with Yutti,” Chinen said, frowning at how he was being ignored.

“Weren’t you with him?” Hikaru asked.

“I left early. Yutti isn’t my official assignment anyway,” Chinen said, stretching his arms over his head. “Also, I was sleepy.”

“Oi Yamada,” Hikaru said, trying to call Yamada’s attention. When that failed, he huffed in frustration, caught up the knife lying in the fruit bowl next to a half-peeled papaya and threw it at the knife Yamada had just thrown. The two blades met mid-air, both impaling the hardwood floor. Chinen and Kamiki both winced, and Yamada finally looked at the other three people in the room.

“Oh. Hi guys,” he said, a dazed smile on his face.

“Finally, lover boy is back with us,” Chinen commented. Yamada simply smiled at him.

“Seriously, did he drink one of Shida’s drugs by accident or something?” Kamiki asked, actually looking scared.

“I didn’t! I’m not stupid,” Yamada answered, pouting at Kamiki.

“Well, you’re acting a lot like it,” Chinen quipped. Yamada stuck out his tongue at him and sank back into the couch, hugging a pillow to his chest and the dopey smile back on his face.

“Best not let Shida see that,” Kamiki said, inclining his head to the knives still staked to the floor.

“Not let me see what?” Shida said, opening the door. A few knives fell from the dartboard and got stuck point-first on the floor. Chinen and Kamiki silently winced in unison as Hikaru slowly sank down from his seat to hide under the table. Yamada gulped and raised the pillow to hide his face.

“Yamada—!!!”

“I keep forgetting to ask, but what do you mean by Yuto-kun not being your official assignment? I thought you were assigned as my back-up partner,” Yamada asked Chinen. They were leaning against their usual pillar, waiting for Yuto to show up.

“Inoo-chan said so. I wasn’t about to argue,” Chinen answered. “He said it’s a secret surveillance request from the person’s parents, and that it’s a person close to Yutti. For now, Inoo-chan said I should go along with your classes so it wouldn’t look suspicious.”

“Doesn’t that make you suspicious?” said Yamada doubtfully. “It sounds to me like Inoo-kun has something up his sleeve.”

“He always does,” Chinen said with a resigned sigh. “I just try to prepare myself and make sure to act surprised when he’s there to see it.”

“Yama-chan!” a voice called out. Yamada and Chinen looked up to see Yuto waving enthusiastically at them. Yamada returned his wave and smile and turned to see Chinen hiding a smirk.

“What?” Yamada said.

“I’m here too, you know,” Chinen complained just as Yuto reached them.

“Did something happen?” Yuto asked.

“Nothing, it’s just Chinen being himself. Good morning, Yuto-kun,” Yamada said.

“Good morning!” Yuto replied, smiling brightly. Chinen let out a huge yawn and smiled sleepily at Yamada, a corner of his lip lifted up in a smirk.

Yamada saw Chinen’s expression and hoisted his backpack higher up his shoulders. “Why are you looking at me like that? I’m not going to give you a piggyback ride to class,” he said sternly.

Chinen chuckled. “Nothing; I just noticed you call Yutti by his first name,” he said.

Yamada stared. “You call him with a nickname,” he pointed out.

“I’m still here, guys,” Yuto reminded the both of them.

“You’re our one hundred and eighty centimeter portable shade from the sun; we know,” Chinen said to Yuto before crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow at Yamada. “You usually call everyone with their surnames,” he said.

Yamada scratched the tip of his nose, studiously avoiding meeting Yuto’s gaze. “So?”

Chinen’s grin widened. “Nothing in particular~” he said. Yamada pulled down his beanie over his ears, hoping that the rest of his face wasn’t as red as he felt it was.

The three of them walked to class, Chinen chatting up Yuto as Yamada checked his phone and discreetly looked around for suspicious people. He heard Yuto laugh and Yamada turned to see that he had his own phone out, Chinen shamelessly peeking at the screen.

“What is it?” Chinen asked. Yuto looked up with a smile on his face, showing his phone to the two of them. There was a picture of a girl standing in front of a mirror, her phone covering her face and her free hand held in a peace sign. The words “found it!” with a smiley face and a heart were scribbled on the edge of the picture with the help of a photo-editing software application.

“Suzu-chan was looking for an Olaf phone case everywhere. She’s been sending me the lyrics of Let It Go since she watched the movie; it’s annoyingly cute, even if I don’t understand about half the things she sent me,” he said, a fondness warming his voice.

Yamada quietly slipped his phone back into his pocket as Chinen began asking Yuto about his other classes, sitting back and trying not to think too much about the way Yuto had sounded when he said the girl’s name.

Because if he thinks about it too much, he’ll just remember how similar it had sounded to the time Yuto had promised he won’t disappear.

Continued in Part 2

Home is where our lost time is (for obsessed_makpa)

yyexchangemod — Fri, 19 Sep 2014 15:16:55 GMT

Title: Home is where our lost time is
Rating: R
Genre: AU, adventure
Word Count: 6200~
Recipient: obsessed_makpa
Summary: Fate. A load of bullsh**, according to Yamada Ryosuke. (aka the Get Backers AU made of fail)
Author’s note: Recipient-san, hi! I heard you wanted an AU, I also heard you like cute snark (both of which I am not good at). But I hope you like this anyway. All my thanks to mod-san, for her endless patience. This also wouldn’t have come to life if it weren’t for the prayer circle, holding my hand, letting me whine and cheering for me. I’m sorry (not sorry) for torturing you with the angstiest bits. Oops?

…

A knock,< i>once, twice, and the drapes are raised. Ohara Sakurako opens the door with a smile, the bell making a tiny ringing noise as the door swings inward. She flips the sign so it says open, inviting a pair of young men in. She steps aside, her feet light and her voice cheerful as she greets them with a warm, “Welcome!”

“Hello, Sakurako-chan,” Nakajima Yuto greets back with an enthusiasm as bright as his shock of a blond hair. Beside him, Yamada Ryosuke adjusts his sunglasses. The other man regards Sakurako with a nod and a slight upward turn of his lips, the closest to a smile he’s managed to direct at anyone other than Yuto. Both men make their way towards the counter, where they each take a seat next to the other.

“One cup of your special, please,” Yamada says with an air of importance.

The man behind the counter momentarily halts his obsessive cleaning, a habit born out of the desire to keep things clean and in top shape―nothing less than sparkly so he can tell from behind the sunglasses sitting atop his crooked nose. Kamenashi Kazuya puts the dishrag away.

“Are you going to pay for it?” Kamenashi Kazuya grumbles, his tone equal parts annoyed and resigned, already starting the brew even as Yamada says, cheekily, ”Put it in our tab!”

“I’m getting the same, master,” Yuto tells the owner, calmer, more relaxed. His eyes convey the unspoken, ”forgive him, he’s an idiot,” and Kame understands. It’s an everyday occurrence, after all, and for all the ways Kame is tart with either of them when they walk into his coffee shop, he actually thinks of them as his own.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, this time?” Kame casually starts, placing two steaming cups of coffee in front of Yamada and Yuto.

Yamada’s face is an icy calm, but his voice betrays the rage he can barely control. “Tell us what you know. All of it.”

“About what?” Kame responds coolly.

Suddenly Yamada is onto him, grabbing Kame’s collar, his patience worn far too thin for games like this one. “You have access to any and all types of information, data at the ready to use up and modify as you will, despite retiring from the Get Backers.” He stares hard into the other man’s bespectacled eyes through the lens of his own sunglasses―a sight to laugh at, had it happened at any other time. “You know what I’m talking about,” Yamada all but growls. He lets go of Kame’s collar.

“You’ve just shown me exactly why I don’t want to tell you,” Kame starts, still a picture of calm. “If you barge in as rash as you currently are, you’ll only get killed. I don’t any of want that on my conscience.”

“I apologize for Ryo-chan, but I understand his feelings,” Yuto speaks up. “It’s just that, so much has been going on and we can’t even begin to make sense of it. Why’d Jin-senpai decide to make an appearance now? And to have Keito taken away right before our eyes…” he lets that hang in the air, the thought far too much for him to bear.

“Y’know what, forget it,” Yamada stands up from his perch, making his way out of the coffee shop. “I’ll just figure it out on my own.”

“Really? You’re gonna leave before the best part? And, for just this occasion, free?” Kame rises to remove his apron. He looks to Sakurako, eye contact suffice enough that the girl bounds over to flip the sign at the door to closed, and lower the drapes. Kame thanks Sakurako as she settles with her schoolwork at one of the booths, taking advantage of the sudden downtime.

Yamada settles back in his seat. “Well, then,” Kame begins with a question, “do you know how the Infinity Fortress came to be?”

Yamada shakes his head, as does Yuto. It's Yuto who speaks next, “That’s where I grew up but there’s still so much that I don’t know about it.”

Kame nods, acknowledging Yuto’s response. Addressing both young men, he continues, “Let’s start with what we know. During the great depression, when people can hardly afford to buy food, let alone a place to live, the homeless started populating the ruins of an unfinished intelligent building. Eventually, the variety of people coming to stay grew enough to establish its own economic circle.”

“And where’s the catch?” Yamada asks, beginning to piece together the picture Kame was explaining to them.

Kame takes a sip of coffee from his own cup before starting again. “I don’t know how life was before my time, but as far I knew, the Infinity Fortress has always existed. No one really knows the truth behind it, but not a single soul seems bothered by that.

“Except for two people. Through thick and thin, these two were inseparable, and knowing that something odd was going on, they unraveled the mystery. They both entered the gates of the Infinity Fortress, and realized everyone had lost something.” Kame reaches up to remove his sunglasses.

“Master, your eyes―” Yuto says, at the same time that Yamada lets out, “It’s that mark―” It’s their first time seeing Kame’s eyes without the barrier of his sunglasses, .

“No―it wasn’t lost, but actually stolen. I’m talking about time,” Kame continues without stopping. “They both reached the top of the Infinity Fortress, to a place called the Babylon City, searching for that stolen time.”

A pause, and Kame’s eyes are hooded when he continues. “My memory starts to fail after that. Despite the fact that those two were the most formidable pair in town, the mystery of the stolen time, and of Babylon City, remained unsolved. One day they were walking into the Fortress, the next was waking up at their starting point feeling they’ve been hit by a truck.”

He raises his head and for a fleeting moment, Kame has this unreadable, faraway look in his eyes. “They parted ways after that, half of them leaving the Infinity Fortress for good. The other stayed behind, having found a love and starting over with a family of his own.” Kame chuckles, and Yamada wonders if he imagined the bitter note there. “That’s what he said, and I believed him completely.”

Yuto and Yamada share a look. Kame shakes himself out of that mental place, “What he actually did was try to figure it out by himself. He stayed behind to unravel that one mystery, and eventually became the most-feared man there. Akanishi Jin.

“That idiot of a partner,” Kame concludes, for lack of anything else to say. He puts his sunglasses back on. “It’s an old story, really. I doubt it even matters anymore, it’s your generation’s turn, anyhow.”

There’s a smirk on Yamada’s lips. “Of course we are,” he says with confidence.

“As always, so full of yourself,” Kame retorts, the words lacking any real bite. A small smile curls up on his own lips, watching as the young men take their leave.

The bell rings as the door swings shut behind Yamada and Yuto, and Sakurako breaks the silence that follows.

“I wonder if they’ll be okay,” she wonders aloud. She rises from her seat in the booth and sets her school things aside, bounding over to Kame.

“Who knows?” Kame replies with a shrug, but in his mind he knows the answer.

…

“Hey, Ryo-chan.” Yuto calls out to Yamada. “This retrieval case, it’s not unlike any of our usual, right?” They’re in their car, parked legally for once, a few blocks away from the gates of Infinity Fortress. At any other time while on a retrieval mission, Yamada would park their car―a Subaru 360 they inherited from the previous generation of Get Backers―basically anywhere. He catches Yamada’s gaze, not liking what he sees in there. “Why do I feel like you know something that I don’t?”

Yamada doesn’t respond to that. ”We’re probably gonna lose our lives this time around, are you sure you wanna do this?” He asks instead, his own hand pausing on the door of the Lady Bug. He looks at Yuto in the eye, his face full of everything and nothing―his worries, his hopes, his …love, plainly written there.

Yuto meets his gaze, resolute. “We’re professionals. That’s always a risk we take.” The determined set of his face then melts into a warm smile as he continues, “Besides, we’re the Get Backers, and the S in our name means we never have to be alone, right? We’ll see to the end of this retrieval,” the smile remains on his lips, but Yamada can see the resolve form and solidify in Yuto’s eyes, “together.”

Yamada’s eyes begins to shine with something like pride, love, and a whole bunch of other things he can’t even begin to name, and he nods at Yuto. The younger man nods back, and the moment is broken.

They exit and close the Lady Bug’s doors gently. Yamada even traces a light, reverent path over his side of the car, trying and failing to be subtle about it. Yuto stifles a snort-giggle and that earns him a glare for mocking. He may laugh, but Yuto understands Yamada’s sentiments, shares the same feelings. For all the times they’ve made the Lady Bug flip and defy gravity with Yamada’s less than ideal driving; for all the times they’ve scraped the bottom of their usually empty wallets for parking ticket fees. This is their shared space―a temporary home and a sanctuary all their own. Always at the end of the day, after hanging around the Honky Tonk with Kame and the crew, or at the bridge within sight of Infinity Fortress (when Yamada allows Yuto a visit into his past), after a job ~~failed~~ ~~botched~~ well done, it’s just the two of them. Yamada Ryosuke and Nakajima Yuto.

The rest of their walk towards the gates of Infinity Fortress is in comfortable silence, broken by the occasional squabble over the most trivial of things, and that is how they run into Takizawa Hideaki.

“Ah, Yuto-kun. It’s been a while,” Takizawa greets him.

“Takki-senpai!” Yuto’s already breaking into a teary smile at the presence in front of him. “It’s really has been a while.” Takizawa took him in as a child, lost in the midst of rubble and rain. The little Yuto had no idea where his mother was, or what she looked like. One day, he just left Yuto without turning back.

“You’ve helped me out so much, that despite everything, it feels like you’ve been there the whole time!” Yuto dabs at his eyes with his shirtsleeves.

“Ah! I have a partner now!” Yuto gestures to Yamada.

Takizawa beams at Yuto, then, turning to face the other man, he ventures, “Yamada Ryosuke, right?”

Yamada chokes on his air at the word Yuto used, but he quickly collects himself. “You know my name?”

“You’re the man with the Evil Eye,” Takizawa doesn’t miss a beat, “of course your name’s famous ‘round these parts.”

“Gee, thanks, I’m blushing,” Yamada says back. “So what’s the deal, suddenly showing up after running out on Yutti?”

Yuto nudges at Yamada, ”Ryo-chan, don’t.”

“You don’t have to, Yuto-kun,” Takizawa holds Yamada’s gaze. “It’s true, anyway. I left you for a selfish reason, and I’m atoning for that.”

“Pfft,” Yamada scoffs, “I’ve seen two people with the same mark, and they’d both lost something in the Infinity Fortress. What are the chances you’d have come to use Yutti for your gain?”

“Ryo-chan, it’s okay,” Yuto touches Yamada’s shoulder. He turns to Takizawa, “There’s something else, right?”

Takizawa shakes his head, rueful. “You know me so well, Yuto-kun.” He smiles a small smile, “I found out something about your family. About your mother.”

Yuto freezes in his tracks. “You did?” he asks, momentarily stunned.

“They’re at the top of the Infinity Fortress. Babylon City.”

Yuto lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Babylon City, huh.” He looks up, the clusters of buildings comprising the Infinity Fortress looming overhead, the very top of it invisible to the naked eye, covered by a mix of clouds and fog.

Takizawa’s eyes flash in warning, “If you’re planning to head there, then don’t. I can only imagine just how much they’re more powerful than we all are, god-like in their strength. Fight them and you won’t make it back alive.

“Well, I have to head back to my rat’s nest―” he walks away, “I need to get back the time I also lost. And maybe, in the process, I can get back the bond that we shared, too.”

Yuto stays in place, the man who took him in as a boy walking away from him again, but this time he feels no pain; this time, he knows their paths will cross again. He starts heading the other way when Yamada calls out to him, catching something small and shiny in his palm.

“What’s this?” Yuto asks, studying the coin Yamada had tossed his way.

“I got a job for you, Yutti.” Yamada explains. “Some bastard took Keito away. He’s like a brother to me; he took care of me back then, I want to at least repay his kindness.”

Yuto nods his understanding, expresses his consent. He tosses the coin back to Yamada. “In that case, I got a job for you, too.

I don’t know what she looks like, nor have I met her, but I heard she was in Babylon City. I don’t believe I was abandoned here; I think she was taken away from me.”

Yamada considers Yuto’s words. “Yeah, that might be the case.”

Yuto brightens up. “Then, let’s have a deal. I take your job and you take mine.”

“Deal,” Yamada nods, and they shake their hands.

They arrive at an empty alley, or what remained of it, a gaping hole where the road is supposed to be.

Yuto looks around, taking in his surroundings. “This part of town hasn’t changed at all. Do you remember, Ryo-chan?”

“This is where we first met,” Yamada nods in reply.

It had been an ordinary day for Yuto. Or as ordinary as living in the slums of the Infinity Fortress, aptly named the Lower Town, would be. A crowd of people have gathered ‘round Yuto, women, children, and the occasional teenager alike. He’s doing a lightshow, shooting sparks from the tips of his fingers. He smiles as the children look on in wide-eyed wonder.

Then among the crowd comes a monster, taking a child right before his eyes, snapping the poor one’s neck. Yuto blanks out, swallowed up by disbelief, then the rage, and everything is awash with the raw power coming from within Yuto. When the light dies down, nothing is left.

A stranger with silver hair spiked up, sea urchin style, had walked in, taking in the form Yuto’s become. “My, my, what have we here?”

Yuto’s voice is cold, unfeeling, “Have you come to destroy everything, too?” he asks and starts gathering up energy again. Fists were raised and punches thrown, the stranger matching Yuto’s strength head on.

When he comes to, the monster is gone―as are the crowd he started with. In their place is Yamada reaching out a hand for him.

Nostalgia creeps in to Yamada’s voice as he continues, “It felt like we'd always been friends somehow, despite the fact that we were trying to kill each other.”

“Right?” Yuto leaps into the memory with a laugh. His tone sobers up. “I only wanted to protect them, the people I love, but Raitei wrought destruction everywhere in his path. You brought me to my senses back then, the first and last time it’s become too late.”

Yamada scoffs, “Shut up,” but his eyes are tender. Yamada catches himself before he slips more into the memory, forcing himself to the present.

“There won’t be turning back now,” he reminds Yuto. He’s giving the younger man an out, an escape, and Yuto shakes his head.

“I’ve already made up my mind, Ryo-chan,” Yuto shoots back with determination. “You won’t be getting rid of me anytime soon.” He flashes his biggest smile at Yamada, and the other man smiles back.

They enter the Infinity Fortress together.

...

“This is all confusing,” Yuto complains, pulling at his own hair. They’ve been going in circles for the past hour, never seeming to find the right way forward.

“I thought you knew this place!” Yamada grumbles. He wishes he’d been holding a map, if only to hit Yuto upside the head with it.

“I lived in the Lower Town,” Yuto cries, soothing a spot on his head as if Yamada had actually hit him. “I’ve never tried to enter this part, and I didn’t ask Inoo-chan when he took a trip here.”

“It’s an intruder repelling mechanism,” a voice explains. “This is the Beltline, and it’s far from a fun place. Very few dare enter, and almost none of them ever make it back out alive.”

“Speak of the devil,” Yamada says, turning to acknowledge Inoo Kei. “I see you’ve got company.”

Takaki Yuya steps up from behind Inoo, with a small nod in greeting.

“What’d you tell Yua-chan that she’d let you out of her house, monkey boy?” Yamada teases.

Takaki’s eye twitches at the nickname, but is otherwise cool with it. At the mention of Shinkawa Yua with even a hint of mocking, a sound nothing short of a threat comes out of his lips. “Leave Yua out of this.”

“Maa, Ryo-chan, Takaki-kun,” Yuto intervenes, hands placating in their motion.

Inoo pipes in, “Let’s not destroy each other before we even get past this scramble.”

Yuto nods readily. Takaki turns his head away, his long hair swaying with the motion. Yamada silently follows.

Inoo finds a spot on the wall, his hand bouncing off of what’s supposed to be hard material. “I think we’ve found our way in,” he begins, probing at the wall some more.

Yamada pulls Inoo away from the wall, the claw that comes out missing Inoo’s face by a hairsbreadth.

“I owe you one,” Inoo admits, if a little begrudging.

“It won’t work like this. We’ll all be bits and pieces before we can cross to that side,” Takaki says.

A sudden wave of panic overcomes Yuto, and three pairs of eyes turn on him.

“What’s wrong?” Inoo asks, worry etched in his delicate features. The same is mirrored on Takaki’s face, and it turns to puzzlement at the expression on Yamada’s face.

It was with a flash of warning that Yamada turned on Yuto. “Yutti, the Raitei. Don’t let him take over.”

“I won’t. I just… felt something,” Yuto concentrates on channeling electricity into his arm, prodding at the wall the way Inoo did. When the claws begin coming out, Yuto powers up the electricity, holding the mystery creature in place while the rest of them passes through.

“From hereon out, it’ll be hell.” Yamada lowers his sunglasses. “Everyone, let’s make a good memory as we go. Look at me,” he holds everyone’s gaze, allowing them a minute of whatever good dream their hearts desire. “It’ll end in a minute.”

The sight that greets them at the end of the dimensional barrier, and the end of the dream by Yamada’s Evil Eye, is like straight from a nightmare. Kame’s hand sticking out of Jin’s chest, arms wrapping around Kame as he falls.

“Do you remember when we started unraveling the mystery of our stolen past?” Jin struggles with the effort to speak, but the words needed to be said. “I only managed to find out that it wasn’t up to us. So I stayed―waiting for the ones who will―keeping everything here in check for as much as I can, for as long as I did.”

“It’s okay now,” Kame tells Jin. “You can finally take a good rest.”

“I’m sorry, Kazu. Leaving you behind again.” Jin breathes.

“Idiot,” Kame berates, but his eyes are shiny with tears he won’t allow to shed, not in front of him.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jin says, his hand touches the younger man’s cheek. “Just do me a favor please? See to the end of this.”

Yuto turns his head away, just as a teardrop starts falling from Kame’s face, and Jin disappears into thin air.

”Don’t avert your eyes, this is fate as it unfolds.”

“Fate?” Yamada roars at the disembodied voice. “You call this fate? Manipulating people’s feelings and leading them into the expected answers?

“I’m done with that. I won’t fall into what fate,” saying that last word with such contempt, “is telling me to do,” his fists curl at his side, shaking as Yamada tightens his grip.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have something I need to get back. I won’t let anyone, or anything, get in my way.”

“Ryo-chan,” Yuto starts. Yamada looks up at him, a smile only for him on his lips.

“You go on ahead, Yutti. Something I need to do first,” Yamada sees him off.

…

“I’ve been waiting,” Yaotome Hikaru welcomes Yuto, making sure he see the blood of his enemies on the floor. “Let me welcome you into what would be my castle.”

Takizawa watches on the sides, and Kame joins him.

“You? King? You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Yuto says, his voice cold. Light suddenly surrounds him, and when it fades to a less blinding intensity, the Raitei stands in his place. Electricity crackles throughout the air, gathering and cloaking him in sparks and static. His usually bright eyes turn expressionless, glazed in cold, hard fury. The enemy before him stands at the ready, the fearsome rage emanating from the Raitei rolling right over him as if it’s nothing.

“This could be fun,” Hikaru laughs, practically shaking with glee. “This is the Raitei at full power?”

Raitei zeroes in on Hikaru. “This world is born from my hands, for I alone am the lord of creation.”

Takizawa pales. “This is exactly what I was afraid of. Yuto’s no longer there. This is Raitei’s true form.

“This is the very image I saw when I got the mark on my eye. The one image that kept haunting my dreams, the reason why I left the Infinity Fortress―why I ran out on Yuto-kun.”

“Begone,” he practically growls. Raitei begins his attack.

...

“Cut the bullshit, you know Keito has nothing to do with this!” Yamada growls. His hands are clenched into fists, trembling with the effort to keep himself in check. Damn Chinen Yuri and his cuteness.

Chinen Yuri sneers, “I am merely a transporter. I take the job purely for the entertainment it provides. And if it means taking Keito all the way here to see you unlock your full potential, it’s already amusement above measure.”

Yamada raises his fist, the desire to wipe that expression off of Chinen’s face growing stronger, but then he hears it―

”Goodbye.”

The words were faint, carried over to him from an entirely different plane, but Yamada pales upon hearing them. The finality of that single uttered word brings more fear in him than the cold, unfeeling voice that delivered it, and for a moment, he freezes.

“Yutti,< i>no,” Yamada curses, mostly to himself, his focus solely on getting to where Yuto is. “How dare you even think―” he cuts himself off, already springing into action. He raises his hand, channeling energy into it in preparation for breaking through the wall between him and Yuto.

He arrives a second too late, Yuto crumbling to dust just as Yamada reaches out to him. Yamada’s hand curls into a fist, grains of sand slipping out from them. His arm trembles as he brings it down, letting it flop uselessly at his side.

“There’s no need to be sad, Yama-chan,” a voice tells him.

Yamada whips his head towards the source, finding Hikaru with a serene smile directed at him. An inhuman sound tears from his throat. “You―” Yamada’s fists flies straight to Hikaru’s face.

“Yuto, he won the battle,” Hikaru reports, rubbing at the sore spot. “Just look closely.”

He points to the pile of dust where he watched Yuto crumble. Yamada watches as Yuto rises from the pile, rubbing dust off of his shoulders.

“Raitei was the embodiment of Yuto’s rage. The endless grief that Yuto experienced resonated within the Infinity Fortress and thus created Raitei.

Teardrops, scraped knees, and a spilled bag of precious candy.

A helping hand, although equal of size and just as dirty, a big smile, and suddenly …blood.

A fallen body, eyes wide and eternally empty.

A flash of light, crackling thunder, and (nothing remains).

Takizawa’s retreating back, walking away, never to return.

Yuto’s tears fall freely, a long string of ”No, no, no,” falling from his lips. His hands are drawn up his head, over his ears, as though to block everything out.

“Everything’s been set up for this very moment to happen. The true battle for the right to be creator.”

He’s not sure who says those words. Yuto’s eyes widens, shock etched all over his face, when he takes a hit square on his jaw. The force of it has him reeling back, and he barely has time to find his footing when Yamada strikes again, over and over. Yuto doesn’t hit back, taking everything Yamada’s giving him.

“Come on, you can’t seriously just stand there, you know what’s at stake.” Yamada goads as he prepares for another blow.

Yuto shakes his head. “I can’t, Ryo-chan. I can’t. Not like this.”

“Well then. It ends here, Yuto,” Yamada says, the proper use of Yuto’s name coupled by solemnity of his tone accentuating the direness of their situation. He prepares to strike, a final act to end the younger man’s misery, and it catches him off-guard when all Yuto does is embrace him.

“I’ve always looked up to you―the you who is so strong, so determined,” Yuto starts. “There even came a time when I was envious of that strength,” Yuto’s voice trembles with emotion, and Yamada feels the younger man’s chest rise with a few deep breaths.

Yamada feels something wet drop onto his cheek on Yuto’s next exhale, and he’s pretty sure it’s the younger man’s tears. He listens, stunned, to Yuto’s words.

“You showed me something I can never hope to find anywhere else, or with anyone else. More than the strength I desire, I saw your kindness. I can’t ever fight you.”

“Is that your answer?” Yamada asks. He’s trapped in Yuto’s embrace, his hand still poised to kill.

Yuto has the advantage to strike back, but his only response is to tighten his embrace. “Yup. I believe in Ryo-chan,” he tells Yamada.

Yamada smiles into Yuto’s chest, leaning into the embrace, before he pulls back. “Just one minute.” The killing intent melts right out of Yamada’s being, at the same time that the illusion shatters. His hands are gentle as he reaches up to wipe away the only real trace of what transpired: Yuto’s tears. “It’s your win, Yutti.”

A long flight of stairs materializes before them, and Yamada nudges him up the steps. “It’s the way to Babylon City, Yutti.”

“I won?” Yuto asks, puzzled. “But how? Earlier, you and I―”

“It’s because you believe in him,” Keito speaks up. He lets that thought sink into Yuto before he continues, “and in the same way, Yama-chan believes in you.”

“There’s only one person who can enter at a time, and that is not me,” Yamada tells Yuto. “Go, so you can get them back. They live there, right? Your family.”

“But Ryo-chan,” Yuto starts, and Yamada presses a finger to his lips.

“You should go,” Yamada says. He narrows his eyes, as if daring Yuto to speak. “No buts, no protests, because you won the battle fair and square.”

“What is fair and square when we didn’t even actually fight?” Yuto counters, but before Yamada can say anything else, someone speaks up.

“Perhaps you should listen to Ryosuke,” Chinen says, a butter knife appearing out of thin air to point at Yamada’s neck, “or he dies right here.”

That shuts Yuto up immediately. He knows Yamada can take care of himself just fine, but he takes heed all the same. Nobody really would want to cross someone like Chinen, however silly his weapon of choice may seem.

“Go on, your mother’s waiting.” Yamada says. And so, with a last smile for Yamada, Yuto mounts the steps.

When the steps disappear completely, Yamada allows himself to fall. Keito is there to catch him before he hits the ground.

“Yama-chan, you idiot,” Keito cries.

“This is the thanks I get for coming to save you? I’m deeply hurt, Keito,” Yamada says, making light of the gloomy mood surrounding them.

“I’m not talking about that,” Keito cries some more. “How could you have made such a decision? How many times have you used the Evil Eye today?”

“I, yeah.” Yamada sobers up, “I don’t have much time now. Soon enough I’ll disappear without a trace, even from everyone’s memories. That’s what I get for using it a fourth time, but if it’s to keep all of you safe, it’s more than worth the risk.”

“And that’s why you’re an idiot,” Keito holds younger man close, all the while pounding Yamada’s chest with his fists. There’s no real force behind it, he just doesn’t know what to do with his hands.

“I know,” Yamada apologizes, “I’m sorry.” He halts Keito’s hand on his chest, reaches up to dry the tears on the other man’s eyes. “That sadness will only be temporary; it’s going to be okay.”

“How?”

“Perhaps a parting gift is in order?” Chinen pipes up from out of nowhere, and suddenly a knife flies right by.

Yamada looks down at the knife sticking out of his chest. He glares at the room at large, grumbling with his last breath, “Dammit, Chii.”

Keito snaps out of his stupor, carrying Yamada and laying him gently on more solid ground.

…

“So, Nakajima Yuto-kun, lord of creation, welcome―” Ohgo Suzuka greets Yuto with a smile.

Yuto just stares blankly at her, unsure of how to respond. He’s sure he knows this person, and he just blurts out the name, “Hevn-san?”

“Ah, perhaps you’ve mistaken me for someone else?” Suzuka bows in apology. “My name is Ohgo Suzuka. I’ve lived here for all of 20 years. I’m in university studying physics, and I’m writing my graduate thesis under Professor―” Suzuka hushes herself, “I’m saying too much about myself, I’m supposed to be welcoming you.

“Anyhow, welcome to Shinjuku.”

“It’s eerily familiar,” Yuto says, taking in his surroundings.

“This Shinjuku is quite clean, and the economy is doing better. The underground is pretty much cleared of the homeless, thanks to affordable clustered housing. The red light district remains the same, and gangs still run rampant, but nothing is outrageously out of the ordinary. Unlike the Shinjuku where you came from, there is no Infinity Fortress here.”

Suzuka leads the way, taking Yuto to the spots he knows and showing him how it’s different, while he shares his own thoughts.

“There’s someone you have to meet, Yuto-kun,” Suzuka says when they reach a certain spot in the city.

“Wait, why are we at the cemetery, then?” he asks, but Yuto follows anyway. Suzuka leads them through aisles and eventually reach a secluded spot. Someone is already there, offering respects at one of the graves.

Yuto expects a woman, but what they find is a teenaged boy about as tall as he is, with very similar features to his own.

“Who’s there?” the boy asks, taking notice of the strangers. “Were you going to visit someone?”

“Um. Not exactly. I came to meet someone, and Suzuka-chan led me here―” Yuto explains, looking around for the girl in question. “Eh, she’s not here?”

The teenaged boy laughs. “You’re interesting.”

The laughter dies down soon enough, and it’s Yuto who breaks the silence that follows. “Who are you visiting here?”

“It’s my older brother,” the teenager starts. “Mama lost him when I was just a year old, so I don’t have any of memories of him. I only know that he chose my name. Every year she visits this place, waiting for someone. But she can’t get around now, not without her eyesight. So I go in her stead.”

Yuto looks into the grave marker, and his eyes widen in shock. Written on the stone is Nakajima Yuto. The teenager doesn’t take notice, as immersed as he was in his story.

“I really would’ve wanted to meet him. For my sake, and hers too, she wanted him back. Mama was a genius. With brains like hers, she could’ve done it with ease. But even if she could make an exact copy of my brother, it still wouldn’t be him.”

“That’s a harsh thought,” Yuto interrupts.

“It quite is. But she wished for an ideal world where nii-chan could exist, so she made something similar to this one. At the heart of it was an artificial intelligence system that can sustain itself and develop on its own, with all possibilities and things from this world―even chaos.”

“Um, that’s a lot to take in,” Yuto admits.

Laughter bubbles its way out of the teenager again, “I know, sorry. I’m actually just repeating what mama told me, and it’s all jumbled in my head, too.

“Anyhow, the history of this world and that were one and the same, because it was intended to serve as a back-up. But then somewhere along the road, the history of that world diverged from ours, until it became a dark version of this world―what you’ve come to know as the Infinity Fortress.

“It became so far removed from mama’s ideal, and it was all because someone opposed from within their ranks. So, for mama who wanted a peaceful world, she wrote a self-formatting program within the AI. That other world would be rebuilt from its very bases, the slate wiped clean to start anew.

“For that to begin, one person from that world had to be chosen as the creator.”

Yuto takes all of that in. “If that person’s me…”

“Will you be able to help us?”

“Then, I… I’d like to choose my world,” Yuto starts, “It’s chaotic, it’s painful, and the stress of everyday life seems too much to bear, but I’m never unhappy. I want that world to exist with everything I know in it―my friends and enemies alike, even the people I’ve yet to meet.

“That’s what I’d like to get back,” Yuto finishes with a resolute smile. He turns and finally finds Suzuka standing at the sides. “Suzuka-chan, I think we can go now.”

Suzuka meets Yuto halfway.

The teenaged boy reaches up to his ear, tapping at the device mounted there. “Mama,” the boy says in a low voice. “You’ve heard it all, yes?”

From a distance, Yuto’s voice rings loud and clear, “Thanks, Raiya. Please tell mama I said hi!”

…

Yuto slowly returns to consciousness. Oblivion, darkness.

He raises a hand. From nothingness, to dust, to something palpable.

Light.

From between his spread fingers, Yuto sees a bright blue sky. He lowers that hand and uses it to slowly sit up.

He’d felt it as he climbed up the steps, that Yamada had… died. Yuto hangs his head. “Ryo-chan, I―”

“What’re you calling my name for?” Yamada’s voice rings from the sides, and Yuto instantly turns towards the sound.

“You’re alive!” Yuto exclaims, arms wide open and rushing at Yamada. Yamada lets himself be smothered by Yuto’s embrace, a small victory that rarely ever happens.

“’Course I am,” Yamada replies. “All thanks to you,” he adds, low enough that Yuto almost thinks he’d misheard.

“I met Hevn-san while I was there, but she’s so different from the one we know. She even said so herself, said her name was Ohgo Suzuka. Suzuka-chan took me around the city,” Yuto shares. “I also met my little brother. He talked about something sad. I don’t remember details, though, I really would’ve loved to see our mama, too. Raiya’s grown so much! A few more inches and he’d totally be taller than me!”

“Where are we?” Yuto asks, looking around. “Ryo-chan, what happened to the Infinity Fortress?” voice growing agitated when he doesn’t see the familiar tower anywhere.

Yamada waits a beat, one, two, as he suppresses a giggle. “Yutti, it’s right underneath us. We’re on the rooftop of the Infinity Fortress.”

Yuto lets that piece of information sink in, breathing a sigh of relief. “It was a nice dream, really. It would’ve been good to have that―”

“A dream, huh,” Yamada does the same, his head low and face hidden from Yuto’s vantage point.

“―but I’d rather be where Ryo-chan is,” Yuto insists.

A smile breaks into Yamada’s face, and he raises his head so Yuto can see. “Shall we head home?”

If a Picture Paints a Thousand Words (4/4) (for nightbaron079)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 11:29:53 GMT

Yuri well at least you have good taste

Yuri I approve of you

Yuri you can now go bang my best friend

Ryosuke this is not how I thought this conversation would go

---

[Ryosuke sent you a message!]

Aug 06

Ryosuke you are still alive, aren’t you?

Ryosuke Yuto-kun

Ryosuke we’ve talked about disappearing and forgetting people!

Ryosuke I’m gonna tell Mikki

Ryosuke he’ll be disappointed

---

[Ryosuke sent you a message!]

Aug 08

Ryosuke YUTO-KUN

Ryousuke It’s finals week soon so I understand you’re busy

Ryosuke But you have to tell us if you’re alive

Ryosuke PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE NOT DEAD IN A DARKROOM SOMEWHERE

---

[Yuto sent you a message!]

Aug 09

Yuto I’m alive

Yuto sorry

Yuto and uh

Yuto good luck on your finals!

Yuto and your English paper! I’m sure Aya-sensei would love it.

---

Unsurprisingly, Finals week was the worst ever. While it was definitely less eventful than his midterms, Yamada still felt the frustration and tiredness in his bones. Luckily, he was not alone this time either. Yuto was busy doing something that not even Chinen knew, but Mirai and Chinen were now best buddies who wanted what was best for Yamada. They tag-teamed it out, filling the space that was Yuto’s a month ago. It helped greatly that they were so Spartan that Yamada had no time to think about it.

In the blink of an eye, a week has passed.

He took all of his exams and now, he had only one thing to do. With a small, peaceful smile, he looked through his essay and remembered fondly about how Yuto helped him make the first draft. It felt like ages ago.

Satisfied, he attached it to an e-mail and sent it to Oomasa-sensei.

He did not expect her to reply immediately. Just five minutes later, he received an e-mail reply. What could it possibly say? Was his file corrupted? Was his topic all wrong? Was Oomasa-sensei in the mood to fail students without looking?

Hands shaking, he clicked on open.

[Mr. Ryosuke Yamada,

Come meet me in Yokan Hall tomorrow at 12.]

And that was it. Ohgod. What did he ever do to deserve this?

---

[Ryosuke sent you a message!]

Aug 16

Ryosuke If I die tomorrow

Ryosuke that’s because Oomasa-sensei killed me

Ryosuke on one hand, that is the worst way to die

Ryosuke on the other, at least I could prove to you that she’s evil

Ryosuke small victories

---

Yamada nervously walked to the Yokan Hall, scared out of his wits and ready to bolt at anytime. Maybe he should have brought ginger, or salt, or anything that would disperse the evil spirit that resides in Oomasa-sensei’s body. Should he pray to the gods? Bring a rosary? Make an offering?

His mind was filled with these thoughts that it took him a full minute to realize what was happening.

There was a stand on the side of the large door, a poster that said [3rd Year MMA exhibit].

Oh. Of course. Yuto just had to go and do that, didn’t he? Jerk.

His previous nerves easily disappeared at the realization that he won’t be eaten for dinner by his professor, but a new fear took over. What was Yuto’s theme? Was it any good? Did Yamada look weird in the pictures? Is Yuto going to be okay? If not, would it be Yamada’s fault?

He walked inside, looking around with only faint interest. He was too scared to actually appreciate art right now. Every student seemed to have one portion of the wall for their exhibit. There were photos of the sky, of trains, of children. Some walls had written words in big blocky letters. Some walls had videos played by projectors. It was a collection of multimedia art, and it would probably be interesting to look at later. For now though, he looked around without much interest.

And then Yamada turned the corner and saw it.

They were his pictures, different moments printed in different sizes. From afar, he could not see much of it, could not see what was so special about it. The pictures formed a swirl, the biggest photos huddles in a circle in the bottom with the smaller ones forming a wavy line up.

At the sides, where the white spaces are, there was a haiku, of all things.

Waiting for someone to hold

You hit me like a lightning bolt

You were something to behold

Yamada wanted to laugh at how corny it sounded, but instead, he couldn’t help but smile like an idiot and walk closer. This was for him. It was made with him in mind. This was why Yuto has been holed up without even talking to Chinen. This was how Yuto saw him.

It hit him harder when he was close enough.

The pictures were beautiful. And there were a lot of them, definitely. Not just from the cafe. From the matches, from that time they were in the library, from the time they played soccer in the field. The picture of Ryutaro poking Yamada’s tired face was in the bottom, amongst the largest.

It was not just pictures of Yamada. It was a collection of events in the past months. With each capturing different emotions from different times, it felt like the comprehensive summary of their friendship.

The last picture, at the top right, was a small picture, barely understandable to anyone who has not seen it. To others, it probably looked like an ambiance photo, too small and blurry and insignificant.

Yamada knew what it was though. He recognized the redness of the couch, the pale white walls, and the long hands on his cheek as Yuto kissed him on the lips.

He stopped in front of the piece and stared, not quite able to suppress the smile on his face. He looked down at the card at the side, the one with the title of the piece. It said:

[Anchor: You gave me the freedom to fly]

“Like it?” Yuto appeared beside him, obviously twitchy with nervousness.

Yamada laughed, turning towards him. “You are very cheesy.” He said. “Very.” He was still smiling wide, warmth spreading in his chest.

“I-” Yuto rubbed the back of his neck, worrying on his lower lip. “Is that positive or negative?”

“Neutral.” Yamada shrugged, then stepped one step closer. They were just a few inches away from each other now. “But I have an important critique.” He said, leaning close. “Maybe you should retake that top photo?”

With a grin, Yuto leaned closer as well, a mere inch in between their lips. “I’d like that.”

And there, in front of his piece, in the middle of the exhibit, they shared their first real kiss.

---

If a Picture Paints a Thousand Words (3/4) (for nightbaron079)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 11:28:38 GMT

From: Yamada

Chielu said the bar owner loved us. I think we might get more gigs.]

[To: Yamada

From: Yuto

That’s great. Good job.]

His phone rang this time. A phone call. “Yuto-kun?” He answered, smiling to himself. “Are you drunk?”

“I stopped Shougo!” He exclaimed, sounding perfectly sober. “You didn’t come see me.” He whined. “I didn’t even see you in the crowd!”

“You were awesome though. I think Micchan is going to cheat using you.” Yamada snickered. “She thought you were really handsome.”

“Uh-” A pause. “Thanks, I guess?” Another long pause. “I’m sorry I called randomly.” He sounded awkward now, for some reason. “I just really wanted to see you.”

Yamada felt himself blushing. “Well, I saw you and I’m impressed.”

Yuto chuckled. “I’m glad to hear that. Well, I- uh, then, talk to you later?”

“Good night, Yuto-kun.”

“Good night, Yama-chan.”

By some twist of fate, all of his exam results were scheduled to come out the same day his soccer practice resumes. The sad thing was, the results were going to be sent after the practice. That was just torture.

“You know, I thought for sure you would be jumping around in glee by now.” Ryutaro sat beside him on the ground on the side of the field. “Acads problems?”

Yamada blinked. “Are you offering to be a good kohai?”

“Shorty,” Ryutaro sighed and put an arm around his shoulders. “Just answer the question.”

“Yeah, okay. Never a good kohai, then.” He said, but smiled all the same. “Test results come out tonight.” He explained.

Ryutaro nodded then pushed himself up to stand, using Yamada’s shoulder as leverage. “Yeah, that’s pretty much what everyone’s thinking about too.” He sighed. “Can’t do anything about it. You should all just go home and postpone practice. Leave me here to enjoy the field.”

“Nah,” Yamada laughed. “We can’t possibly give you that much happiness. Freshies still need to pick up balls.”

“Tsk,” Ryutaro shook his head, picking a stray ball at his side and tossing it over. “Go practice properly, future MVP. I don’t want our championship title taken away form us before I get to play.”

“Yes, yes, fine.”

Sometimes, Yamada thought Ryutaro was actually a pretty good kohai.

After a particularly exhausting practice, one that actually was able to take his mind off his grades, Yamada thought procrastinating from looking at his e-mail sounded like a brilliant idea. He wondered where to go, or who to ask to hang out with. He really did not have a long list of people. More or less, it was just Shida or Kamiki. Now, with the recent addition of Yuto. Nothing seemed like the right answer though.

So rather than messaging any of them, he thought he might as well get some coffee alone.

He had never been in the museum cafe alone.

“Welcome!” Yabu, sitting behind the counter, greeted him with a large smile. Yuya kind-of nodded his head in greeting, and then thunked his head back on the table. Yamada really was not sure why Yuya worked here or why he was being paid at all. “Your usual?”

“I have a usual?” Yamada asked, walking over with a confused expression. “I’ve only been here once.”

Yabu chuckled. “Yeah. You ordered coffee with a shot of hazelnut about three times that once.” He shrugged. “And Yuto talks about you all the time.”

“That’s weird.” Yamada commented, though to be fair most of anything related to Yuto was weird. His circle of friends, his actions, his past relationship. Yamada was getting used to it.

“Well, that kid is pretty weird.” Yabu said, picking up the regular-sized cup. “Being friends with so many people but wanting to be alone here as soon as he’s tired.” He smiled fondly. “It feels good to be treated like a close friend, though.”

Yamada slowly nodded, and then backtracked at the statement. “What do you mean wanting to be alone here?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“Well, he’s never brought anyone here before you?” Yabu said, making it into a question like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to say this either. “You… didn’t know.” He said, realizing it belatedly. “Of course, you didn’t. Shit.” He groaned. “Yeah, let’s pretend I didn’t say that.”

“I don’t understand.”

A hand clasped his shoulder. Yuya was suddenly behind him, taking his coffee in one hand and leading him to a window seat with the other. “Customer-sama, drinking coffee in its perfect temperature while looking at beautiful paintings is our special service.”

“Hey-”

“Enjoy your coffee~!”

---

[Yuto sent you a message!]

June 24

Yuto How was it?

Ryosuke How was what?

Yuto Your test scores!

Ryosuke I passed everything! Please say my thanks to Chinen-sama

Yuto Just Chii?

Yuto :(

Yuto But I did my best tooooooooo

Ryosuke Well

Ryosuke Oh fine

Ryosuke Thanks, I guess

Yuto :(

Ryosuke What else do you want?

Yuto A more honest feeling

Ryosuke How do you even know what I’m feeling

Yuto Treat me out sometime

Yuto You promised!

Ryosuke I don’t remember making any promises

Yuto Promise me now!

Ryosuke You’re such a kid

Yuto Promise me now!

Ryosuke oh here we go again

Yuto Promise me now!

Ryosuke :D

Ryosuke Wanna come over this weekend?

Ryosuke I’ll treat you to lunch and dinner and breakfast

Yuto like a sleepover?

Ryosuke Exactly a sleepover XD

Yuto Yes! Please!

Ryosuke Make sure to keep your schedule free, okay?

---

The band was doing well. So well, in fact, that Chielu was filling their schedule with gigs left and right. So well, that a pretty large bar asked them to be their main act twice a week by next week. It was a huge thing, for a band like theirs. They were all young and inexperienced. It was also a large responsibility. They had to practice more, had to stay up later than usual, had to sacrifice rest time to play in the bars.

Today, they were having practice at Chielu’s place.

“Shou, I heard from Yama-chan.” Yuto glanced at their bassist, watching him carefully as he connected his bass to the amp. “He said you haven’t been attending class.”

“I oversleep a lot.” Shougo shrugged it off as if it was nothing. “It happens.”

“But-” Yuto frowned. “You know there’s a limit to absences, right?”

Chielu stepped in front of Yuto then, shielding Shougo from view. “Now, now, can we leave those things aside and focus on the matter at hand? Shou composed a new song for us. Let’s be thankful.”

“I am thankful.” Yuto mumbled, tightening his grip on his drumsticks. “I just don’t want Shou to have a hard time when finals come.”

“Don’t worry about that, then.” Shougo spoke up, walking closer. “I- I’m going to take a break from school.” He was looking down, standing just to Chielu’s left. With how she did not even react to that, Yuto realized they have talked about this. It was a decision they’ve discussed.

“A break?”

“Shou’s been pushing himself too hard for something he’s not even sure he wants,” Chielu explained graciously. “He loves music. It’s just a choice he needed to make.”

Yuto frowned. Why would you need to give up school? Why would you have to choose?

“Come on,” Shougo stepped forward, facing him properly now. “I needed to figure out what I liked best. That’s all there is to it.” He smiled tentatively, trying to be reassuring. “Trust me on this?”

And with that, Yuto could not say anything. It was his life, his choices. It sounded wrong to Yuto, but maybe that’s just because he could not imagine choosing one or the other. Shougo definitely loved the band, playing their music and composing songs, more than anything school could offer.

Yuto just had to support him, as a friend.

---

[Ryosuke sent you a message!]

June 26

Ryosuke Shougo wasn’t in class today either

Yuto Oh

Yuto Yeah he said he’ll take a break from school to focus on the band

Ryosuke oh

Yuto yeah

Ryosuke Ever thought of that? Leaving school for the band?

Yuto never

Ryosuke But you’ve been staying up late, right?

Ryosuke When do you even have time to study?

Yuto well I try to squeeze in study time during breaks

Ryosuke And that’s enough?

Yuto It has to be, I don’t really have a choice

Ryosuke You do

Ryosuke Chinen told you to leave the band

Yuto That’s not a choice!

Yuto Yama-chan, don’t say that too!

Yuto You’re supposed to be on my side!

Ryosuke I am

Ryosuke sorry

Ryosuke just don’t tire yourself out too much

Yuto yeah I won’t. See you later.

---

Yamada was excited all week for the weekends to arrive. He would have his well-earned break away from everything now that he was sure he passed every test and did not have any deadline coming up. He had planned it inside his mind well. Imagine it all the time, even. He was going to read mangas on the couch all day while listening to music and eating chips.

Inviting Yuto out in a whim put a wrench in his plans. But it made him even more excited. Yuto has not been inside his apartment in the whole month they’ve known each other. He hasn’t even been formally introduced to Mirai yet. It would be nice to see them becoming friends as well. (Yamada could endure the teasing if it meant two of his favorite people got to be friends.)

But then, that chat happened.

Yamada was not planning on confronting Yuto about anything. He wasn’t. He just wanted to ask about Shougo. Except, when he heard about Shougo leaving school, he could not help but think of the fact that Yuto has not been sending messages as much lately, about how their late-night chats has not been as long. Yuto was always busy, Yamada figured that out ages ago. Thinking of Shougo was the first time Yamada realized Yuto had that choice too, though. Yuto was rich, after all. Yamada did not know how rich, but probably enough to be able to take a break from school and focus on his music. Yuto did not even talk about his classes that much. And he hasn’t been taking pictures at all lately.

It was worrying.

“You okay?” Shida sat beside him on the couch. She was fully dressed for a museum opening she was going to go to for class, her bag already slung on her shoulder. “Yuto-kun’s going to be here later, right?”

“Yeah.” Yamada nodded, leaning his back on the couch more fully and looking at the ceiling. “I think we had a fight.”

He had expected her to giggle and say lover’s quarrel? But maybe he looked worse than he felt, if all she did was nod and say, “Then you could make up later. Cook him food or something.” She shrugged and stood up. “I probably would go home at midnight or something. Maybe morning. You’ve got the whole place to yourselves.” Even when she said that, she did not look teasing. Rather, she looked all soft and fond. What did Yamada’s expression look like?

“You take care of that while I’m gone, okay?” Her tone went back to the commanding one she uses most of the time on them. “I don’t want to see any of this moping when Mikki comes back.”

He smiled then, nodding. “He’d be back next week, right?”

“Yeah,” She sighed and walked over to the kitchen, grumbling as she went. “Stupid photoshoot being extended so much.”

“At least it didn’t reach a whole month this time.” He consoled. Kamiki had been an apprentice for two years, being employed as soon as he was out of high school, and as time passed, he just got more and more into his shoots. Location scouting and the actual photoshoots took a lot of time, apparently. (Yamada would never have figured that out if he met Yuto first, that my pace guy.) “You okay?”

She laughed, the sound loud and clear from the kitchen. “I’m not the one moping. We’re used to the pseudo-long distance relationship. Worry about your own love life.”

“It’s not a love life.” Yamada groaned. Well, at least she was joking now. He probably sounded better.

---

As soon as the door of Yamada’s apartment opened, Yuto bowed his head and exclaimed, “I’m really sorry!”

Yuto needed to get that out of the way. He was looking forward to this, after all. Being able to hang out with Yamada and invited into his apartment was a great way to spend his weekend. He didn’t want it to be ruined by something like him being stupidly emotional.

“Ah- You should come in.” Yamada was smiling awkwardly, looking at each side of the hallway. “It’s fine. Just come in.” He ushered Yuto inside and put the inside slippers in front of him. “I should be the one saying sorry, being nosy like that.”

Shaking his head repeatedly, Yuto raised both his hands up in front of him. “No, no, no,” he said. “Definitely not. You were worried about me. After thinking about it a lot, I realized that was very nice of you.” He smiled a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was worried about Shougo so I lashed out on you. That was bad of me.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Yamada shrugged. “We’re here to have fun, so let’s forget about it.”

Yuto smiled more widely and nodded. As they walked inside, he looked around with interest. It was a small 2LDK, with a simple open plan. It looked considerably tidy for a room shared by a university student couple, though there was a large pile of manga, DVDs and snacks on the living room table. It had a homey feeling, and somehow that gave him both a happy feeling and a feeling of enviousness. He was glad Yamada was living in such a nice place. The guy deserved this much and more. It made Yuto envy though, too. He vaguely remembered this feeling from the band performance last week. He could not pinpoint why though. It was just there.

When they reached the kitchen/dining area, he couldn’t help but gasp in excitement at the food on the table. It was not pizza or take-out, like what he thought university students ate all the time when they were living alone. They were home-made food. Actual food. “You cook?”

Yamada’s expression was bashful as he shrugged and motioned Yuto to sit. “It’s nothing much. Just curry.”

“Just curry?” Yuto sat down, mouth gaping open. “I thought university students subsist on take-out.”

That made Yamada laugh. “They do.” He agreed. “We eat take-out regularly, but…” He shrugged again, looking awkward as hell. He was turning red. Yuto wanted to take out his camera, but that seemed impolite to do in the middle of conversation. “I said I would thank you, so…” He motioned towards the whole table. “Thank you.”

Yuto bit his lip, feeling his whole mood lift up from hearing that. “Can I just-” He paused, hand already poised to open his bag. “Can I take pictures here?”

“Here?”

“I just- I feel like taking your picture?” Yuto did his best to give the puppy eyes begging look. “Please?”

Yamada blinked. “Um, yeah? Sure?” He looked down and picked his utensils, then dropped it again. “Shouldn’t we eat first, though?”

Taking his camera out of the bag, Yuto shrugged. “Just one.” He raised the viewfinder to his eyes, capturing one shot of Yamada’s embarrassed and questioning expression. “There.” He grinned and put the camera down again. “Itadakimasu!”

---

It seemed like a great idea at the time to give a blanket permission for Yuto to take pictures inside the house whenever he liked. Yamada was sure they could watch the Kdrama he had recorded in peace and Yuto was going to be distracted by that. He was so sure of it. He missed five episodes of Full House so he thought having a marathon of the drama with Yuto would be good. That was how he and Kamiki spent their bonding days, anyway.

However, Yuto was not distracted.

Well, he was. But not by the drama. Instead, he sat on the armchair across from Yamada, the one Shida always occupied, and did not look at the TV at all. He just snapped away, taking pictures of every expression that passed Yamada’s face. He looked extremely pleased with himself every time he looked down on his screen. Yamada has no idea what could possibly more interesting than Ji-Eun and Young-jae’s love story. His face can’t possibly be that interesting.

Yuto continued like that for at least half an hour, before Yamada shushed him and told him to quiet down this is an important scene. After that, they watched in silence, with the occasional laughter and sniffs. It was different from the marathon sessions with Kamiki, but it still felt really nice.

By the third episode, Yuto was already watching attentively. Yamada felt really proud when Yuto started tearing up.

After catching up to the recent episode, with Yuto whining about Yamada making him watch something that wasn’t even finished yet and how will he ever survive next week without knowing if Ji-Eun would be fine or not, they decided to go with a lighthearted comedy film. Yuto finally let go of the camera and placed it inside the bag, but promised that he would whip it out with lightning fast reflexes as soon as Yamada made a wonderful expression. Yamada had no idea what that meant.

Just like that, they watched and watched and shared thoughts about the movies, talking about petty stuff and ignoring the outside world for now. With that carefree atmosphere, they ate dinner sitting on the couch beside each other. It was the most relaxing day Yamada has had in a very long while.

---

Yuto woke up with a painful crick in his neck and a weight on his stomach. Sunlight shone through the blinds, lending warmth to the room despite how cold the floor was. For a moment, he did not remember where he was and what he was doing here. But after a full ten seconds, his eyes opened up in alarm. It was a Sunday, and he was in Yamada’s apartment. Yamada was snuffling on his stomach, mumbling in his sleep and holding a pillow close to his chest. It was one of those ‘so adorable I can’t wait to take a picture of it’ moments, but if he moved, he would wake the guy up. That did not sound like a good idea, given how comfortable he looked snuggling on Yuto.

“Maa,” He sighed and let his head lie down the throw pillow on the floor. “Sundays are for sleeping in, huh?”

The next time he woke up, the sunlight was brighter and there were footsteps resounding from the kitchen. He really did not want to move though. He continued listening in with closed eyes, mourning the loss of the warmth at his side.

“You going now?” Yamada’s voice was laden with sleepiness. “Good luck with that.”

A female voice spoke then. Mirai. Oh. She was home. “Thanks. You gonna be okay? I feel so jealous, thinking of you two here.” She sighed dramatically. “Just be sure to clean up after you’ve had your fun. I want this level of deceptive cleanliness all the time.”

“I cleaned up because I had the time” came Yamada’s petulant voice.

“Yeah, sure.” Mirai laughed. “Ah. Kiss for good luck?” She asked, teasingly. He laughed but it was followed by an equally playful-sounding smack.

Yuto really just wanted to go back to sleep.

---

Despite how fun the day was for Yamada, it seemed to him like Yuto was rushing to go home and rest. Well, he did sleep on the floor with Yamada, but it wasn’t that bad. He hoped Yuto would have stayed for coffee or something. There was none of that though. Instead, Yuto went directly home, saying his little brother probably already missed him. With a disappointed sigh, Yamada saw him off.

It was three days later when Yuto contacted him again. Just before his first soccer match of the season, he received a “Good luck! It’s such a shame I can’t be there” message. Instead of Yuto, an upperclassman named Daiki was going to cover tonight’s game, he said. When Yamada replied “thank you”, there was no response.

The next message was sent a day later, in the morning. This time, it was a long message explaining that they saw Yamada’s photo with Mirai in a blog owned by a pretty famous photographer, and since Daiki was subbing for him in the game, he wanted to ask if Yamada could introduce him to the said photographer’s apprentice.

When he replied “yes”, there was a “thank you” and then nothing else.

Yamada wondered if this was what Chinen meant when he said Yuto “obsessed on one thing and forgot everything else”.

---

Yuto was just being awkward about everything without proper reason. He knew that. He understood that much. Being busy with band practice was not enough reason to stop replying to Yamada’s messages. There was no need for this kind of coldness. It was not like him, anyway.

But every time he thought about Yamada, there was just this persistent bad feelings in his chest. There was that heavy weight that he could not quite place. Memories of their recent meet-ups felt like it has been tainted too. Yuto felt like he should back down? Is back down the right word? Give space, maybe. He wanted to make sure he was not being too clingy, perhaps. He had been taken in by the guy ever since he first saw Yamada, so drawing in the lines right here felt like a necessary precaution.

Chinen would probably congratulate him for thinking ahead of time.

And so, when Yamada sent him a message alerting him that the photographer apprentice was home now, he politely asked if he could meet the guy outside or something. Yamada, seeming to understand his worries, gave him the guy’s number. His name was Ryunosuke Kamiki, and he was willing to go to the photography club room to meet them, the guy texted. That made everything so much easier.

“So, you’re the guy, huh?”

Kamiki looked, well, normal. Wearing a dark blue sweater and black pants, an Nikon D610 camera strapped on his neck, he looked exactly like Yuto’s image of a photographer apprentice. His expression, though, was what confused Yuto. “I’m Yuto Nakajima. Nice to meet you.” He greeted courteously, offering his hand.

“Ryunosuke Kamiki.” He said, eyes narrowing as he took Yuto’s hand. “We meet at last.”

“Eh?” Yuto blinked.

“I’ll meet your friend some other time.” Kamiki nodded to himself, coming up with the next course of action by himself. “For now, we’re going to have a talk.”

“Wai- wait!”

---

[Mirai sent you a message!]

July 03

Mirai Mikki’s gonna come home today, right?

Ryosuke I asked him to meet up with Yuto-kun before going home

Mirai cockblock

Ryosuke that’s not something a young lady should be saying

Mirai shut up

Mirai just because you’re not getting laid, doesn’t mean all of us aren’t

Ryosuke ohgod

Ryosuke TMI, Mi. I don’t want to think about you two like that

Mirai lol of course

Mirai sorry

Mirai btw I think Mikki’s gonna be doing the father-in-law routine, just heads up

Ryosuke What does that even mean?

Mirai He sent me a “is he a nice young man and is he treating Yama-chan with care” text

Mirai Sounds like he’s gonna have fun. I’m jealous.

Ryosuke …I don’t understand

Mirai :p good luck anyway

---

Those who said Yuto had his own pace should probably meet Kamiki. Because the guy, still half a stranger, took Yuto by the hand and dragged him to the cafeteria without much prelude. He seemed determined to talk alone for some reason. Yuto was beyond confused.

Kamiki, on the other hand, looked really pleased with himself as he ordered two lattes for them and made Yuto sit near the counter. He took a deep breath and intertwined his hands on top of the table. “So,” He closed his eyes, looking deep in thought. “Yuto Nakajima.”

“What are we-” Yuto wrinkled his nose. “What did you want to talk about?”

“You’re saying you want our Yama-chan as your model, right?” Kamiki asked, looking serious.

“Yes. I want him as my model for my last photoshoot requirement this year.”

Kamiki pursed his lips, hands tightening together. “The third year showcase? That important, huh?” He nodded again. “Do you have a theme already? A location? Have you thought about what camera to use? How many pictures to take? Are you sure you can take care of our Yama-chan?”

Yuto blinked. Once. Twice. “Um…”

The tension-filled expression cracked into a smile then. “Sorry, sorry,” he waved a hand in front of him as if to dispel all the weirdness. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” He chuckled. “Anyway,” He offered a friendly smile now. “I really wanted to meet you, you know. Yama-chan having a friend outside of the soccer team was exciting news for us.”

That made Yuto laugh. “It’s nothing, it’s nothing. I strong-armed him into friendship, I think.”

“You’ve been really good to him, though.” He said. “But lately… Honestly, I’ve been worried. He said you haven’t talked about where the photoshoot was going to be or what theme you have. And personally, you know,” He scratched his cheek awkwardly, looking like he was not used to doing this kind of talks. “As a professional, I think that’s an advice I could give you. It’s not some paper you can cram. Everything should be in optimum condition, right?”

Yuto frowned. It was definitely something he has been worrying about, but it was always being pushed at the back of his mind in favor of doing school work and performing with the band. “I do know that…” He mumbled, feeling like a child being scolded for some reason. “I was just-” He looked down. “I was busy…”

Kamiki’s smile was soft and understanding when he said, “Well, that’s why arranging priorities is important, right? I learned that a while ago, you know. Choosing between things you love is hard but it’s what you have to do.”

“Ah, as I remember, you didn’t go to university, Kamiki-san?” So there was this kind of person near, huh? Maybe this meeting was a good thing, after all.

“Nope.” Kamiki chuckled. “I took my chance with photography apprenticeship. I got lucky.” He shrugged. “If I didn’t take that risk, I wouldn’t be doing what I love today.”

“It’s not just luck!” Yuto immediately shook his head. “I saw the photos you took of Yama-chan and Mirai. They were great. When I saw it, I thought ah, I want to take these kind of pictures too. We were impressed.”

Kamiki looked down, obviously embarrassed. “No, no, that was definitely a special case. I loved doing that shoot.”

“If, uh, if I might ask, what would be the most important thing to make those pictures? I mean, you know…”

“Eh? Isn’t it love, after all?” Kamiki looked up with an innocent smile. “When you love your model and, in turn, they love you as well, a beautiful picture would be made. It’s that simple.”

“Love, you say…” Yuto sighed. “Shouldn’t it be something easier like trust or…”

Kamiki just shrugged. “Photos are fragments of reality you can keep, right? They’re not just cold copies of a moment. So, I feel like the warmth of love is the best answer.” He chuckled. “Cliche as it is.”

“But,” Yuto bit his lip. It has been years but there was a niggling worry at the back of his mind every time he thought about this. And Kamiki, stranger as he is, looked like the kind of person who would understand. “But love fades away, right? If your muse is… If, somehow, your connection with your muse fades away, wouldn’t that be bad? Because loving is too heavy a feeling.”

“Speaking from experience?” Kamiki asked mildly, like he was waiting for Yuto to say more.

It felt right to continue. “My ex was my very first model in the university. I saw her and I got this, I don’t know how to explain it, but I felt like I had to capture that moment?” He smiled wryly. “And then things got complicated and we broke up, and the inspiration ran away. It’s like poof my muse is gone.”

“You know, I feel really old for saying this, but young people really has specific views on love, huh?” Kamiki propped his chin on his folded hands, sighing. “Because, for example, me? I love taking pictures of the sky. That’s one type of love. In that case, isn’t my model such a large inanimate thing? It can’t possibly give back love. So I pour all my love into it instead.” He grinned. “My teacher said that I was in an unrequited love with the sky, and that was good enough.”

“Unrequited love sounds painful when it comes to humans though.” Yuto reasoned. “Because the sky can’t love you back but a person can, right? The possibility is there.”

Kamiki nodded. “That’s a good point. But you know, the possibility of not being loved is always going to be there, too. So instead of worrying about being loved, why don’t you just pour yourself into it?” He smiled. “The photos would capture it, after all. It’s not going to be a waste, you know.”

“But what if the inspiration ran away from me again, despite everything?” Yuto was just human, after all. He couldn’t control his feelings that precisely.

With a certain twinkle in his eyes, Kamiki smirked. “You run after it.” He said. “You chase after it. Ask it to stay. You can’t possibly just wait for some inspiration to fall on you, can you? You have to take that step forward, if you want to keep it.”

After a brief moment of silence, as Yuto thought about his words and as Kamiki sipped his latte with a smile, they veered the topic into safer ones, like the camera Kamiki has with him right now and the photos Yuto used to take for the different university organizations. It was the first time he has talked about photography this much in a very long while, and it felt really good to just geek out about the recent releases of Canon and Nikon, and to compare stats about other accessories.

Perhaps Kamiki felt the same way, because when he looked down at his watch, he said “Do you wanna come over? Since it’s Friday and all. I’ll show you my cameras.”

With you have to choose echoing inside his head, he grinned and nodded.

When he agreed to join Kamiki for a light drinking session while talking about their cameras, the least he expected was to see Mirai suddenly open the door and charge into Kamiki, kissing him deeply right in front of the apartment. That was not what he expected at all.

“What?!” He exclaimed, eyes wide. He watched as the two separated, Shida grinning smugly and Kamiki blushing to the roots of his hair. “I- I thought! You weren’t- Weren’t you-” He couldn’t even say anything coherent. His mouth was just suspended into a gaping impression as he blinked at the two.

Shida sighed and motioned for the two to come in.

Yuto could not move, actually. “Are you two-timing Yama-chan?! That’s horrible!” He looked at the now-confused-looking Kamiki. “I thought you were really cool too, but if you’re letting this-”

“Ohgod,” Shida grabbed his arm with amazing force and hauled him inside, locking the door immediately as they all stood in the receiving area. “I’m not sure what delusions you’ve conjured, but I’m not dating Yama-chan.” She scrunched up her nose in disgust. “He’s like my little brother, you know? Ew.”

“But the kiss! And you were always with him! And he always talked about you!”

Shida stared at him for a few seconds, before asking, “What kiss?”

“The good luck kiss!”

Comprehension dawned on her slowly, and she actually slapped a hand on Yuto’s arm. “On the cheek, Yuto-kun! On the cheek. As I said, little brother.”

Yuto gaped some more. “Oh wow.” He sighed. “I think I need a drink.”

The other two shared a look and shrugged in unison.

---

There were different ways by which Yamada thought today would go. The most probable scenario was, he would have to go home to his family because Shida and Kamiki would want to catch up and talk. If Shida was feeling particularly kind, she would let Yamada inside the apartment and they could all hang out together doing different things. If Shida unfortunately had something to do, Yamada and Kamiki could catch up with watching Full House together. All of these scenarios were fine. Yamada was prepared for it.

What he was not prepared for was to see Yuto in his boxers in the middle of the living room, the table pushed to the side and a twister mat laid on the floor. Kamiki was also on the floor, but still wearing his pants. Shida was perched on the kitchen counter, overlooking and two and snapping pictures away. Cans of beer and empty packets of snacks were littered below her. The three were drunk together. And playing some fusion game of strip twister, it seems.

“What the hell are you doing?” Yamada asked, after surveying the damage.

“Sshhh!” Shida placed her index finger on her lips, grinning dazedly. “We’re aiming to make Yuto-kun lose so he’d be naked. And then we would lock him up in Yama-chan’s room as a gift.”

“I don’t need that.” Yamada said, feeling his cheeks burning because of course he would imagine it. Yuto was just there. In his boxers.

“You don’t know what you need, Ryosuke Yamada.” Shida slurred. “Let us do our job as your parents!”

“You are not my parents.” He said, even though arguing really had no effect on drunk people. He sighed and walked over to the two guys playing twisters. Yuto was standing like a sumo wrestler, legs spread on either side and hand on a color right below him. “Yuto-kun, you should wash your face or something. Let’s sober up, okay?”

“Noooo!” Yuto whined, dropping on his butt on the floor. “I’m still waiting for Yama-chan!” He said, which did not make sense at all.

“I’m Yama-chan.” He said. Why was he trying to rationalize with these people anyway? He pulled at Yuto’s arm, dragging him to the bathroom with difficulty. Yuto grudgingly followed though, even if he kept grumbling under his breath. “You have to wash up and drink coffee.”

“Coffee?” Yuto pouted, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet. “I want to give Yama-chan coffee forever, you know? He said he would keep me if I become his coffee dealer.”

“I’m sure he’d still keep you if you sober up and be a good boy.” Yamada said, rolling his eyes. “Come on, up. Up.”

Yuto, taking Yamada’s words to heart, followed all of his instructions properly. Washing his face. Wearing his shirt. Drinking a few sips of coffee. He was undoubtedly tired and sleepy though, so Yamada dragged him to the couch, pushing him to lie on it. “Do you think Yama-chan is angry at me?” He asked, eyes closed. “I think he should be. But I don’t want him to be.”

“Maybe you should ask him tomorrow.”

When he opened his eyes, Yuto blinked slowly and squinted at him. “You’re Yama-chan.” He said, quietly. “Aaah. You’re so nice.” He muttered. “So nice…” He reached out a hand and cupped Yamada’s cheek. “I really, really am glad I met you.” He whispered, before leaning in and planting one kiss to his lips.

“Wha-”

And then he just dropped on his side, dead to the world.

---

Continued in Part 4

If a Picture Paints a Thousand Words (2/4) (for nightbaron079)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 11:25:17 GMT

Title: If a Picture Paints a Thousand Words
Rating: Teens and Up
Genre: Romance, slice of life
Word Count: 30, 941
Recipient: nightbaron079
Summary: University AU.
Author’s note:
The request was basically University AU, slow build, and Yuto in the photography club. This was subtitled “Horikoshi clusterfuck fic of doom” when me and my beta looked through it. It’s that bad. I hope recipient-sama likes it anyway? My brain interpreted “slow-build” as “long ass fic”, and interpreted “Horikoshi students could appear too” as “everyone should be here”. The title is from the song If.

Continued from Part 1

---

Yamada’s TTh schedule was harsher than his other one. Tuesdays and Thursdays were hell in comparison to the easy MWF schedule. And that was because his class starts at 8 am. Who goes to class at 8 am? Freshmen or nerds who can’t get enough of school, that’s who! Yamada was neither. He was not even a morning person. He hated waking up early.

Choosing an 8 am class out of desperation and need for an English elective was the worst idea he’s had in years.

“Ryosuke! Yamada!”

There was a loud pounding on his door. A loud, annoying pounding that was giving him a headache. He moaned in protest, smothering his face on the pillow.

“I swear to god if you don’t open up right now!”

Ah. There was that tone. Yamada felt a strong shiver run down his spine as flashbacks of his little sister dumping water on him or his mom pulling his blanket away under him ran through his mind. “I’m waking up!” He said hurriedly, sitting up without any grace and almost falling off his bed. “I’m waking up!”

“You left your phone on the living room table!” Shida sounded extremely annoyed. Her Thursday classes starts at noon, so she almost always slept in. Yamada felt her anger through his door, like a black aura ready to choke him if he doesn’t do something. “It’s 7:40 already!”

“WHAT?!”

Instincts and years of practice took over as he changed his clothes (showers are for non-stressed people) and took his things into his bag haphazardly (cleanliness and order are for people who does not have 8 am classes). He barrelled into the door, saying a quick “I’ll be off!” to Shida before running down the hall.

His English professor was a terror. An actual, legit terror professor. The one whose name would send fear down the spines of future generations. The type to call on students and send them away when they answer incorrectly. The type you could imagine cackling at night as she graded papers and marked them with a huge fat ‘FAIL’. Oomasa-sensei was evil incarnate for all her students. She was tall and the most beautiful teacher in the English department, but everything is just there to lure students into hell.

Yamada tried to change classes after his first day, but to no avail. Life is just unfair.

Life was extremely unfair, really.

Yamada arrived in his class with a few minutes to spare, opening the door and feeling like he just ran a marathon through the desert. His bedhead was obvious and his clothes were crumpled and he wasn’t fresh at all.

On the other hand, Yuto, who he had seen only two days prior, was sitting beside his usual chair- 3 rows up, in the middle of the long table, away from the aisle- with a bright smile, perfect hair and ironed clothes. What the actual hell?

“You-” Yamada rushed over to him, suddenly feeling conscious of how untidy he looks. Would Yuto change his mind now that he knew how Yamada looked like at 8 in the morning? “Why are you here?” He asked with a frown.

Yuto continued smiling, looking fresh as a daisy. “Visiting! I’m going to sit-in.”

Yamada blinked. “Sit-in?” He groaned, putting his bag down on the side. “You’re too bright for a class like this. Get away from me.” He sat on his usual chair and dropped his head on the table.

Yuto peeked at him, leaning his head sideways on the table and staring at Yamada. “But I brought you coffee?”

Sitting up with wide eyes, Yamada glanced at the tabletop in front of Yuto. There was a frappucino with [Yuto] written on it and a styrofoam cup with [Yama-chan] written on the side. “Hot coffee?” He asked breathlessly, looking hopeful.

“With a shot of hazelnut.” Yuto added, grinning proudly.

Yamada made grabby hands at it, eyeing it with hunger. “You’re an angel. Stay forever.” He said as Yuto slid it in front of him. “Be my coffee dealer.”

“So sweet.” Yuto chuckled. “You got me. I want to be your coffee dealer forever.”

“Yes.” Yamada just nodded, inhaling the sweet and bitter scent. The warmth in his hands was really nice and made him want to coo at the cup. Such a lifesaver. Why did he ever think Yuto was a stalker? He was obviously the angel sent to give Yamada life. “Ah,” Before he could wax poetry about how great Yuto was, a thought registered in his mind. “But Oomasa-sensei.” He groaned. Oh sweet, perfect hazelnut coffee, I don’t want to part with you.

“Hm?” Yuto tilted his head to the right. “What’s wrong with Aya-sensei?”

Yamada stared at him in disbelief. “Did you just-” But the door opened before he could ask anything. And in came the terror professor.

Oomasa-sensei looked around, probably thinking of how to scare the students best or who she would like to bully today. After a brief perusal of the classroom from the back row to the front, her eyes zoomed in on Yuto. And by extension, Yamada too.

“Oh god.” Yamada muttered, wondering if this was the day he would be sent home. Was Yuto the devil instead of the angel? His hands shook from where they were clutching the coffee cup on top of the table.

“Aya-sensei!” Yuto was undeterred by Oomasa-sensei’s unblinking stare. “I came to visit you! I brought you coffee!” He was all smiles and cheerful tones, and everyone in the classroom was obviously trying not to gasp or groan or react at all. Everyone waited with baited breath.

A smile appeared on Oomasa-sensei’s face. A smile. “You’re a good kid.” She said, laughing softly. Laughing softly.

Yamada’s entire world view was disintegrating in front of his eyes. Yuto enthusiastically pointed towards the table where a cup was sitting with a post-it on the lid. [For Ayachan-sensei] it said. Is it this easy to break down the terror professor’s shield?

“Ah, class.” Her voice turned to its normal stern tone as she looked at everyone else. “This is Nakajima-kun. He aced all his papers in this class. You should be more like him... Such a good kid.”

Oh. That was the point, huh? Oomasa-sensei liked smart students.

Well, Yamada would rather not look the gift horse in the mouth. If this would mean Oomasa-sensei would mellow down for the day, he’d take it.

Yuto was an angel. The verdict was out on that one. Oomasa-sensei definitely acted kinder, spoke calmer and didn’t make anyone cry at all today. The whole class was dismissed five minutes before their class time ended. It was amazing. Almost everyone crowded around their table when their professor dismissed the class, clapping Yuto on the back and thanking him for a job well done.

“Man,” Yamada walked beside him out of the class, dumping the empty coffee cup into the garbage can outside. “You should do that all the time.”

Yuto laughed loud and clear before grinning at him mischievously. “I would.” He said slowly, elongating the word. “If you buy me coffee next time.” The sentence was accompanied by a wink and a toothy grin.

Out of its own accord, Yamada’s cheeks turned red and he felt all warm. That is definitely flirting.

Or so he thought, until Yuto saw Chinen, a student council member Yamada vaguely remembered from seeing him around campus, and rushed over to the guy. He immediately placed an arm around the smaller boy’s shoulder, smiling sweetly and asking “Did you miss me?”

“Yuto, star of my life, how long have we not seen each other?” Chinen replied dramatically, slipping an arm behind Yuto’s waist.

“Too long, Chii, too long.”

Yamada just rolled his eyes and moved on, slipping into the crowd on the way to their next classes. Some people just flirted as a way of dealing with friends, he thought.

After a day filled with insufferable subjects- Math 27 was a class Yamada likes to pretend doesn’t actually exist- Yamada went down to the field with a mind tired of everything and a body thrumming for action. He just wanted to run and run and run. Until his whole body was as tired as his brain. That would put some stability in his day, he reckoned.

When he arrived though, everyone was just sluggishly kicking the balls towards the field. The goalkeeper was lazily picking them up.

Ryutaro, who was arranging the soccer balls on the container at the side, eyed the whole team with active disdain. “Why am I picking up balls when all of you suck?” He mumbled sulkily.

Yamada would be amused by that, but then he really wanted a good practice today. “What’s happening?” He asked, walking over to Ryutaro’s side. Shuhei, the goalkeeper, glanced at them once before going back to doing his thing. He looked so lethargic. “Where’s Suzu?”

“That’s the problem.” Ryutaro said, scrunching up his nose in disgust. “Suzuka-senpai asked Mirai-senpai to watch over everyone since she’ll be off somewhere doing some paperworks. Mirai-senpai would arrive in a few minutes.” He motioned towards the entirety of their team. “Everyone’s unmotivated.”

“Micchan isn’t that bad.” Yamada tried to reason weakly.

His statement was met by the blank stares of his whole team. And a soccer ball to the back of his head. "Ouch!" He exclaimed, turning around to see who it was.

“You’re such a good friend.” Shida flatly said as she walked towards them. She took one look at the whole field and rolled her eyes, snickering to herself. “Suzu would be so disappointed of you when she sees you like this.” She cooed condescendingly. “I’ll report everything to her, you know, and I’ve got such a great memory.”

There was a collective groan from the whole team as they sprung into action. Yamada just rubbed the back of his head and scowled at her direction. “What was that for?”

“You woke me up earlier.” Shida said, sticking out her tongue. “Payback’s a bitch.”

He wanted to retort back to that, really he did, but she had a point. Waking up early on a day when you’re supposed to sleep in sucks. He would know that better than anyone else, being the non-morning person that he is. “Yeah, sorry about that.” He said instead.

“Were you late for class?”

He shook his head no. “Barely got there in time.” He shrugged. “Was saved by Yuto though, so…”

She raised an eyebrow at that, lips twitching into a half-smile. “Yuto?”

“The, uh, not-stalker.” He said as way of explanation. “He brought me coffee in my English class.”

“Oooh.” She practically bounced on her heels, shifting closer to grin at him. “Flirting?” She waggled her eyebrows teasingly.

He rolled his eyes. “No.” He said, quite sure now after thinking about it for half the day. “I think it’s just how he is. He flirts with everyone?” He laughed then, remembering the smile on Oomasa-sensei’s face. “He brought coffee for my professor too.”

“Oomasa-sensei?” She asked, eyes wide. “He’s got courage, I give you that.”

“She melted.” He shared, still not quite over it. “Like butter.”

She laughed as well, expression disbelieving. “This Yuto of yours sounds interesting. You should bring him home some time.”

He smiled wryly and muttered, “Bring him home, she says…” He just let that go, already gearing up to play soccer after all that stress from today. She waved him off and sat on the bench so he ran over to the line of kickers in front of the goal. He spent the whole time running laps with everyone, doing jump drills and trying to score goals off a pissed off Shuhei.

---

Yuto liked the photography club room. It smelled like newly developed film most of the time, and the darkroom is always available for use. The clutter of pictures and equipments around the room gave it a homey feeling, like instead of being in the university, he’s just in his hobby room at home.

He loved the people in it too, despite the fact that he did not go here all the time like most members.

Daiki Arioka, a graduating senior and the president of the club, sat on one of the chairs in the middle, eyes trained on his laptop as he scrolled through whatever he was looking at. Yuto sat across from him, elbows deep into his homework. “Hey,” Daiki looked up with a huge grin, seemingly excited about something. “Look at this.”

Yuto blinked a few times before nodding, leaning closer as Daiki turned his laptop screen towards Yuto.

The site was a blog of a certain old man with graying hair, based on his blog banner on top. He was clutching on an Olympus SP-100 camera as he looked on to the sights below him. Yuto wanted to drool at the beautiful camera. He wanted something like that; though he had no use for superzoom cameras at the moment.

“So?”

Yuto brought his attention back to the eager Daiki. “What am I supposed to look at?” He asked. “That camera the mister has is beautiful, though.”

Daiki rolled his eyes and scrolled down to an entry. “Here. He posted pictures from his apprentice.” He explained. “It’s really nice. I mean, amateur for sure, but there’s just… like, warmth in it? Not to mention, the two models are really cute together.”

“Wha-” Yuto continued to stare at the pictures without moving, because this was Yamada and Mirai sitting on a couch, their sides pressed together as they laughed while watching something behind the camera. There were four pictures, like a story, with them increasingly happy with each one.

“It looks like the kind of thing you only see when a couple is newly married and moves together, right? Those smiles, you can’t fake that. And that chemistry too! The angle and lighting utilizes it and-”

“I know this guy.” Yuto uttered, cutting him off. “Oh. Yama-chan probably lives together with his girlfriend.” He said, nodding to himself. “I knew it. He does look really cute in pictures, doesn’t he? His eyes just shine! He's so photogenic.” Yuto was glad to see another evidence that Yamada was the perfect choice.

Daiki gaped at him. “You know this model?” He leaned closer, wide-eyes showing clear enthusiasm. “Do you think he could introduce me to this apprentice and then maybe I could-”

Yuto moved away from his upperclassman, plastering his back on the chair. “Dai-chan!”

“But I’m your senpai and I’m graduating and I need a job, Yuto.” Daiki was doing that puppy eyes, pouting thing that shouldn’t be possible because he’s older than Yuto and also practically an adult.

There was no helping it. “I could ask him about the photographer when we meet some time.”

“Really?!” Daiki’s whole face brightened. “Introduce him to me, okay? That would be so cool. I’ve been following this blog for years and his apprentice sounds really good too.”

Yuto smiled, getting influenced by Daiki’s high tension. “Leave it to me.”

After that, they settled into silence again, Daiki stalking blogs after blogs while Yuto went back to writing his outline for a paper due next week. When he was done, Yuto excused himself and packed his things immediately. He needed fresh air and a walk after thinking about that paper too much.

He decided to walk the longest way from the photography club room to the Tsubasa office. That way, he could clear his head before dropping in and asking for the next match lineups he had to cover.

When he rounded the corner to the next hallway though, he caught sight of a familiar back walking out of the administrations office. Suzuka was carrying her bag and was looking through a bunch of papers as she walked away.

“Suzu!” He called out, jogging up to her. “Hey!”

She looked up in surprise, hastily shoving the papers into her bag. “Hey…” She greeted back, forcing a smile.

Quirking an eyebrow up, he asked, “Another secret?”

“Uh,” She looked away guiltily. “Yeah, sorry.” She shrugged. “Official scholarship, boring things.”

Yuto nodded, knowing how problematic those documents could be. No one really wanted to talk about those with him, since he could not relate anyway and it was just a sore topic for everyone who has to undergo that process. “Good luck with that then.”

She looked back at him and smiled. “Yeah, thanks.” She looked down at her watch, frowning a bit. “I should hurry. Mirai-chan’s with the soccer team.”

He blinked, unsure of what that meant. “Um… Okay?”

She hurried off, leaving him staring at her retreating form. A whole minute later, he shrugged that off and walked towards his destination once again. Suzuka would tell him what it is in time. He would just have to wait until she was ready. It was not any good to dwell on things like that.

Walking forward like that, he reached the Tsubasa office in no time. Knocking two times, he slowly opened the door and was greeted by the usual occupants sitting across from each other on the side of the room, both with open sketchbooks in front of them. Hikaru was drawing Inoo’s face in a realistic style, while Inoo was making what looks like a general outline of this building.

“Awww,” Yuto strode in, stopping by Hikaru’s side. “That looks good.”

Hikaru grinned. “I try.” He shrugged. “It’s filled with love!”

Yuto laughed, glancing over to Inoo who was just rolling his eyes. “And that looks great too.” He pointed at Inoo’s sketch. “You have it committed to memory?”

“I’ve practically lived in this building for five years, Yuto. Of course I do.” Inoo said sassily. He then smiled, weakening the effect of his tone to a teasing one instead. “And, are you here to ask the advice of the great 5th years or…?”

Yuto smiled. “I was just going to ask about the matches I had to take pictures of.” He said. “There’s a new list for after the midterms, right?”

Hikaru looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “You know, I can never tell if you’re a diligent child or you’re just overly excitable.” He mused out loud. “You are very confusing."

Yuto pouted. "I'm diligent!"

"And overly excitable," Inoo added with a smile. "Yuto's diligent when he's excited about something."

Somehow, it felt like they were dissing him good-naturedly, but he couldn't get where it was coming from. "I'm always diligent."

"Okay." Inoo conceded, indulging him. "Have you planned your photoshoot yet?"

"I have a model and a shoot location!" He said, sounding childishly argumentative. "I've got it."

"We're proud of you." Hikaru said, actually patting him on the arm and giving him his patented senpai-smile. "Is Suzuka going to be your model?" He asked, turning a bit serious.

"No." Yuto shook his head. "Ryosuke Yamada."

"Oh!" Hikaru smiled brightly, seemingly excited about the news. "He's cute! Good job!"

Yuto laughed. "Yeah, he is."

The conversation devolved to everyday things then, like Inoo's architecture thesis he finished last semester, and Hikaru's part-time as a mangaka assistant, and Yuto's never ending lists of activities for the weekend. It was fun, just being able to talk like that.

---

Friday morning, Yamada wakes up unexpectedly early at 8:20 am; plenty of time to groan about not wanting to wake up, and still make it out of the room with time to spare. He blearily looked around the empty living room, wondering where he placed his laptop yesterday. It was on top of the kitchen counter today, beside an empty bag of chips.

He might as well check his e-mail to get that out of the way. He had slept as soon as he came home after practice so he couldn’t look at it yesterday. His Math 27 professor said he would have an announcement soon.

[Class,

The midterm exams are scheduled on June 16 and 17. TTh classes on 16 and MWF on 17. Please be sure to bring a pen and a calculator. Excused absences are only accepted when approved by the Dean’s Office.]

The midterm exams are almost just a week from now. The Tuesday after next week’s.

Yamada stared at the screen for a long time, wondering to himself why the hell he even opened it this early. It was the worst start to a day. Just thinking of that exam sent shivers down his spine. Why is math hard even with calculators, anyway? Isn’t the calculator supposed to make things easier?

He sighed and scrolled down the messages, marking almost half of it as spam.

Then, he got to a message from [Yuto Nakajima] with the subject [Hey, Yama-chan…]. He opened it immediately, curiosity winning over cautiousness.

[I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but my friends and I are going to study together tomorrow to help each other out, and I’ve heard you have problems in some of your subjects. I thought I could offer some help? You’re my precious model, after all. I wouldn’t want you to have wrinkles.]

Yuto Nakajima was weird, Yamada had realized that already. So this message just reinforced the idea some more. He was, certainly, an angel though. There’s always that. It has been proven and tested. And Yuto did ace Oomasa-sensei’s English class, so accepting this offer sounded like the perfect solution to Yamada’s grade problems. He could handle Yuto’s unique flirting-filled friendship if it’s for the greater good!

Sending out a quick [I would love to join you. Send me the details?], he smiled and went on to prepare for the day. His mood was definitely not in the dumps anymore.

He was early for his Art History class too, so he was one of the first people to arrive in the classroom. Sitting on his right side was a Biology major named Shougo. The guy was pretty much the only one Yamada knew, since he wasn’t exactly known for being good with strangers. (Shida and Kamiki were in charge of that.) Shougo had introduced himself on the first day, saying “can I get your number? I’m scared I’ll pass out somehow in the middle of the semester and end up absent in all my classes”. Yamada took pity on the guy and decided to help him out. University life was hard, and students should band together to get through it all.

Today though, Shougo looked extremely chipper, smile wide and fingers tapping an upbeat tune on his armchair. “Good morning!” He greeted enthusiastically as soon as Yamada sat down beside him.

“Good morning.” Yamada simply nodded. Even if he was fine enough, mornings are still not his favorite part of the day.

Shougo snickered disapprovingly as his behavior, scooting back a bit to reach down his bag for something. Suddenly, a rain of shiny confetti fell down on Yamada’s head and Shougo’s grin widened more. “You should cheer up!” He said.

“That-” Yamada gaped at the other guy in disbelief. “That’s littering.” He said, unable to process just what happened.

Rolling his eyes, Shougo took a mini sweeper from his bag and cleaned the confetti on the floor. “That was supposed to cheer you up.” He said childishly. “You’re so gloomy in the morning.”

“That’s because waking up for classes is hard.”

“It was still supposed to cheer you up.”

“The thought is appreciated.” Yamada deadpanned, picking stray pieces of confetti from his hair. “Why do you even have confetti and a sweeper in your bag? What does the biology people do?”

Shougo laughed at his incredulous tone, enjoying Yamada’s confusion. “It’s for my org. Pre-med honor society would have a party this weekend.” His eyes brightened. “You should come!”

Yamada did not like parties. He was the stay-at-home type, manga-reading variant. But saying that to someone always seemed to end with ‘you should go out more!’ so instead, he said, “I have plans, sorry. Study session.” Which, actually, was not a lie. Thank you, Yuto-kun.

“Oh.” Shougo nodded, sighing. “We’re just having a party because that’s the last day of freedom before midterms come.” He shared.

“Ugh, midterms.”

“Yeah.”

And with that, they both went silent as they thought about how much exams sucked. Minutes later, their Art History professor came in and told them their exam would be on June 19, the Friday after the next. Exams sucked so much.

---

Yuto had obsessively checked his e-mail since yesterday, and when he received a reply this morning, he had jumped in joy and told Chinen that Phase One of ‘Make my Precious Model Happy and Free of Stress’ plan was a-go.

Too excited about the said development, he decided to visit soccer practice and confirm the place and date with the person himself.

He came a bit early though. The team was still doing running drills, the boys looking tired but energetically going through each line to do footwork properly. He decided to just stay on the side, snapping pictures every now and then to capture the moment. He could send it to Suzuka later, probably.

Speaking of Suzuka, she was sitting on her usual bench, filling up some forms quietly.

“Suzu!” He strode over to her, smiling as she looked up. “How much time left until practice ends?”

Her lips curved into an amused smile. “Are you going to bother Yama-chan again?”

“I’m not bothering him!” He responded, eyes wide and innocent. “I just wanted to tell him about the study-” He stopped, an idea forming in his mind. “Me and Chii are going to help him out in the subjects he’s having a hard time with. Do you want to join us?” Having someone he knew would probably help Yamada become more at ease. “You’re worried about him, aren’t you?”

She blinked, probably surprised by the idea. “That is very sweet of you.” She said, slowly. “I’ve been really worried about his grades, so… If you would have me.” She bowed her head a bit.

“Okay!” He nodded happily, already thinking of how awesome tomorrow would be. “Ah, then, tell Yama-chan we’d meet in the main library genref stacks at 12 am? I have to tell Chii.”

“Yeah, I will.”

Yuto whistled as he walked to the student council room, his body buzzing with energy. It felt really good when friends came together to help other friends. Thinking of Yamada as his friend now was really nice too. It has only been five days since they formally met, but Yuto has always been good at making friends so this was no wonder.

“You look really happy.” Chinen groaned as soon as Yuto opened the door. “You’re so happy and here I am,” he motioned to his whole being. “Still perfect but very tired.”

Yuto just laughed at that, taking the seat next to him and placing his hands on his shoulders, massaging lightly. “I have good news.” He announced. “Yama-chan agreed to join us, and Suzu said she’ll help us too.”

Chinen sighed deeply. “I could already see it.” He said. “You’re gonna owe me a whole DVD box set of Maou and I would be more tired.”

“Haven’t you bought that already?” Yuto asked, eyebrows furrowing. He might as well focus on the easiest part of that statement.

“Mine is signed by Ohno-kun.” Chinen shrugged. “I don’t want to open it.”

Yuto laughed again and continued rubbing Chinen’s shoulder. “I’ll buy you anything you want.” He promised. “We just have to help Yama-chan and then we could marathon Maou as much as we want.”

Chinen relaxed more and more as seconds passed. “Yeah,” he said, after a while. “You really have to do that.”

After giving Chinen the details for their meet-up the next day and making sure he was well-rested enough, Yuto proceeded to his next destination. Shougo had sent him a message, asking him to meet up at the Museum Cafe. He had something important to say, he said.

When he arrived there, Shougo was already lounging in front of the counter. “Shou!” He greeted as soon as he came in. “What’s up?”

Shougo grinned mischievously, reaching down his pocket and then throwing a handful of confetti unto Yuto’s head. “Yuto!”

Yuto couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “Eh?!”

“See! That’s the right reaction!” Shougo exclaimed, looking extremely satisfied. Yabu just rolled his eyes behind the counter, and Yuya grumbled at the side about cleaning up trash. “You’re such a good guy!”

Narrowing his eyes, Yuto asked, “Did you ask me to go here just to throw confetti at me?”

Shougo chuckled, shaking his head. “Nah,” He pulled another thing from his pocket, this time a rectangular piece of paper about the size of a ⅛ index card. “Pre-med honor society’s hosting a let’s get drunk before midterms kill us party. I got you a ticket.”

“Oh.” Yuto took the ticket and examined the date and time. “I don’t think I can make it.” He frowned. “Study session.”

He blinked, jaw falling open. “Why are everyone studying a week before the midterms week? What kind of life are you living?!” He gasped.

“You were the one complaining about being zombies by day.” Yabu chimed up, shaking his head and handing the frappucino to the boy.

“Zombies have more life than these guys.” Shougo complained. “We’re zombies who party.” He took the drink and pouted to himself. “I used to like you, Yuto. I used to like you.”

“Say that again after midterms, I dare you.” Yuya challenged as he swept the floor beside Yuto.

Yuto just sighed, letting the two bet and bypassing Shougo to go to Yabu instead. “My usual, please.” He was not going to party, but he was pretty sure he would have a better time anyway.

---

Yamada knew this was a good idea, at least fundamentally. Yuto specifically said it was to help each other with the subjects they were bad at. It was a group tutor session. A give-and-take for everyone.

But right now, being left alone with a sleepy Yuri “student council little demon” Chinen, he was not sure this was really as good as he originally thought. They were introduced briefly when everyone was gathered, a simple hello-nice-to-meet-you exchange. And then Yuto and Suzuka decided to go to the nearest starbucks to buy coffee for their session.

Yamada was really bad at handling new people.

Chinen sighed and looked around the table, eyes zooming in on Suzuka’s notebooks visibly. A slow smirk appeared on his face as he reached over and snatched it, opening to the last page with written notes and doodling immediately on the corner.

“H-hey…” Yamada called out weakly. “What are you-”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Chinen smiled at him, much more sincerely than Yamada imagined he would. “I’m just trying to cheer her up.” He said, angling the notebook so it would show the tiny deformed bunnies jumping on the top right corner. “She’s so stubborn.”

Yamada knew there was something deeper there, and it felt like the right time, so he asked, “Cheering her up because of Yuto-kun?”

“Hm?” Chinen looked intently at him.

“Well, I just thought,” He shrugged. “Suzu and Yuto-kun seems really close. She said they’ve known each other for a long time, so I guess… If you’re cheering her up because she’s with him, then…”

“Yes?”

“She’s in love with him?” He asked awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at the table.

“Nope.” Chinen said immediately, going back to drawing. “More than that.”

“More…?” He blinked in confusion. “What would be…”

“Ex-girl friend.” Chinen said, frowning in concentration as he drew more. “Yuto’s first girl friend in this university.” He said it as if it was not the biggest surprise of the day, as if that statement didn’t just change pretty much every meaning in Suzuka’s actions in Yamada’s eyes. “They broke up when we were just wee freshies, so you didn’t get to see. Just six months, you know. Young love and all.” He shrugged. “They’re friends now.”

“But you’re trying to cheer her up so…” His eyebrows furrowed. “Is she still…?”

Chinen looked up then, a painfully honest sad smile on his lips. “Watch her closely and you’ll figure it out.” He said, though that was as good as yes in this context.

Yamada fell silent. “That sucks.” And then, “Can’t Yuto-kun figure that out? If it’s so obvious to you, then…”

“Have you met Yuto?” Chinen laughed, and there was actual bitterness in it, but also a dash of fondness like when you’re talking about your misbehaving child. “Besides, it’s not like Suzu-hime wants him to know. She’s fine just being friends. She’s… well, you know? It’s more painful being forgotten or something. I wouldn’t know.” He sighed. “It’s a complicated feeling, isn’t it?”

“That’s not right.” Yamada protested. “She should- she should-” He groaned. “I don’t know how relationships like that work. How can she even be his friend and act like she’s not hurt?”

Chinen shrugged. “Again, have you met Yuto?” He repeated, as if that was answer enough.

Which, in a way, it was. Yuto was a ball of energy who flirted with his friends and showed no malice. If anyone could be friends again with their ex, that would definitely be Yuto.

“I want to do something, though.” Yamada said quietly. Suzuka was their princess, their inspiration in the team. She was important to each of them and he would rather not have her get hurt. “Isn’t there anything?”

A calculating smile slowly appeared on Chinen’s face, his eyes having that glint that meant Yamada was right where Chinen wanted him. “I like you.” He said. “We’re gonna be good partners.”

Yamada blinked. “Eh?”

“You know what would be a sure-fire way to protect Suzu-hime?” Chinen continued. “She can’t say no to Yuto, but we can do this another way. Yuto loses focus easily, you see. He obsesses over one thing and then forgets other things completely. I can name one thing he’s really obsessed about right now.”

It felt like something bad was going to happen and Yamada had no idea how to stop it. He waited for the bomb to drop.

“If you ask Yuto to help you alone, without mine or Suzu’s help, he would agree without any question.” Chinen finished. “Since you’re his precious model, after all.”

“That sounds like a stupid plan.” Yamada said honestly.

“That’s just because you haven’t seen how well my plans work yet.” Chinen said confidently.

Yuto and Suzuka came back just a few minutes after Yamada and Chinen’s revelation-laden talk. Chinen had just smiled innocently as he gave Suzuka’s notebook back, and she took one glance at it and returned the smile easily. Yuto distributed the coffee with an irritatingly innocent and carefree look.

Yamada was so distressed about the situation and he was not even technically a part of it. Maybe that was Chinen’s plan too.

Yamada was aiming for complete vigilance, to watch over Suzuka with hawk-like eyes in behalf of the whole soccer team. But then, this was a study session and he was the one in danger of failing. His attention drifted away bit by bit until he was only focused on the Art History notes in front of him and the print outs he got from the three.

When he came to about an hour later, he looked up to see two empty seats. “Wha-”

Yuto chuckled quietly, thumbing through his own notes. “Chii kidnapped Suzu, saying Shougo would be sad if he was alone in a party.” He paused. “Shougo’s my bandmate who’s a-”

“-Biology major.” Yamada finished, blinking slowly. “Huh…”

“You know him?” Yuto snickered. “Are you stalking me?”

Yamada raised an eyebrow at that. “How long have you been waiting to use that?”

Pouting, Yuto crossed his arms. “It was a moment of brilliance. I didn’t plan it.”

“Sure…” Yamada drawled. “Anyway,” he placed his pen down, stretching his arms forward. “Small world, huh?” It was a pretty big university, so coincidences like this was rare for him, especially since he did not normally mingle with students from other courses.

“Yeah.” Yuto nodded. “And you got Aya-sensei too.”

“How can you stomach calling her that?” Yamada grimaced. “She’s evil.”

Yuto gawked at him for a whole ten seconds before sputtering, “She’s not!”

“Oh god, do you have a crush on her?” Yamada groaned.

“She’s nice! She grades papers objectively and she researches beyond any other English professor! And she’s really, really beautiful!”

“So you do have a crush on her.” Yamada concluded, sighing. “You have-” He remembered the earlier conversation he had with Chinen. “You’re weird.” He said, instead of you have weird taste in women.

“She’s just misunderstood.” Yuto mumbled stubbornly, poking his book with the cap of his pen.

Yamada rolled his eyes. “So you’re that type. The shoujo manga protagonist-type.”

“Shoujo- what?”

“The oblivious, cheerful type who empathizes with misunderstood characters of all kinds and befriends everyone.” Yamada explained. “You’re exactly that type.”

Yuto wrinkled his nose. “Isn’t shoujo manga for girls?”

“Not the point.”

“But you read shoujo manga?” He persisted.

“You are completely missing my point.” Yamada repeated.

“But you read shoujo manga?”

Yamada sighed. “You are insufferable.”

Yuto grinned, looking like he just accomplished something. “Do you want to continue reading for Art History or do you want to start your English paper?” He asked, changing the subject completely. “I could help you with that. I know exactly how Aya-sensei grades.”

“Aya-sensei…” Yamada muttered, still not quite getting how Yuto ever came to like the woman. “Yeah, I should write an outline, at least.”

They spent the next few hours talking about what Yamada should choose as a topic for his paper. Yuto was extremely helpful with the Do’s and Don’ts, saying that Aya-sensei liked unique topics and especially gave higher grades when their topic was well entwined with their own course. They talked about how Yuto wrote a paper on Olympian Heroes in literature and correlated it to how superheroes in modern western comics were made with their image in mind. There was something refreshing about listening to Yuto explain his paper, about just watching him rant about classic art influencing modern art and how even perceptions of photos and videos have been shaped by how people regarded old paintings.

In turn, Yamada shared his thoughts on how sports in mangas has been written as over-the-top and out-of-this world, but also still had traces of what was truly important: hard work and team solidarity. And even though it felt a bit off to talk about this after Yuto’s passion-filled rant on high art, Yuto still listened with a large smile, nodding and sharing his thoughts enthusiastically.

It was only when Yamada’s phone vibrated on the table that they realized how late it was already. [Tell your cute stalker to drop by our house sometimes] was Shida’s message. He sighed. “Micchan…” He groaned under his breath. “I need more coffee,” he said.

“Oh.” Yuto’s expression brightened. “You want to relocate somewhere else?”

Yamada shrugged. “Lead the way.”

---

Yabu and Yuya’s expression was a thing to behold when Yuto came in the Museum Cafe. They were both openly gaping, not even saying a standard ‘welcome!’. Yuto snickered and waved a hand. “Customer-sama arrives!” He announced grandly.

Yuya cracked a smile at that. “Welcome.” He greeted. “This is new.”

Yuto chuckled. “I felt like it.” He said vaguely, and then motioned towards Yamada to introduce the three to each other. The two older guys smiled in understanding when Yuto explained that Yamada was his model, and Yamada seemed to take everything in stride, probably already used to Yuto’s words by now.

They settled down into Yuto’s usual window seat, resuming their talk that was now revolving around Art History and the secret to figuring out how to easily guess the artist of each painting. Yamada listened on, determinedly taking on notes every now and then.

A warm feeling settled on Yuto’s chest, just thinking of the fact that he was in his favorite cafe with his new friend. There was just something wonderful about clicking so well with someone that you end up listening to them talk for hours, about being able to comfortably stare at them as they ranted about things you did not usually think about, about being able to share a secret place without a second thought.

Yamada did not know the significance of this to Yuto, but from the way Yuya was grinning, he knew how important it was.

Yuto was letting Yamada into the little world he only shared with select people.

---

“We should do this again.” Yamada said as they walked towards Yuto’s car in the nearby parking lot. “It was fun.” Funny thing was, it wasn’t even a lie. He had thought of saying this before, to make Yuto focus on him completely and start Chinen’s plan. Yamada just never expected to actually enjoy talking about Art History, of all things, to someone. He never thought he would want to be alone with Yuto again.

Yuto’s smile was full of excitement and anticipation when he nodded.

“Well then,” Yamada waved his hand to the road vaguely. “Take care? I’ll walk-”

“I’ll drive you home!” Yuto cut him off immediately. “Isn’t your Mirai already waiting for you?”

Yamada laughed upon hearing that. “My Mirai… She’ll punch me if she heard that. No one can own a Mirai.” He said, mostly to himself. And then added in a normal volume, “Well, she is waiting, but I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not imposing!” He insisted, vigorously shaking his head. “It’s in the way.”

“Well, if you insist.”

---

Sunday mornings were reserved for Raiya, as far as Yuto was concerned. They would both wake up early, watch something together while eating breakfast, and then play some games in their Kinect. It was the time they could catch up better about each other’s lives, so Yuto would still be able to do his brotherly duties in peace.

Except, just as he was narrating the epic friendship he’s forming with Yamada, Yuto’s phone rang.

They both ignored it in favor of choosing a song to dance to, but the annoying ringing refused to stop.

Sighing, Yuto picked the phone up and answered with a curt, “Yes? Yuto speaking.”

“Yutooooo~” It was Shougo, sounding sleepy and whiny, clearly sporting a hangover. “You know, you know, my roommate hooked up with someone yesterday and then, and then, he said I should sleep somewhere else but I was so sleepy and I didn’t want to move!” He moaned in pain. “I woke up in a bench in front of my dorm…” There was a definite pout in his voice. “Best friend, Yuto my best friend, please buy me food and give me somewhere to sleep? I think my brain is imploding in itself.”

Sundays was for Raiya, but Yuto has a heart so he can’t possibly leave a hangover friend alone. “I’ll be right there.”

Raiya rolled his eyes and shooed him away as soon as he got off the phone.

The best cure to a hangover, Yuto found out from his fair share of drinking and partying, was eating lots of greasy food and drinking lots of water. So of course, being the good friend that he was, he brought Shougo to the local diner that offered the greasiest burger. He even brought pain-killers, just to be sure.

And since he was also sure it would be better for two heads to take care of a friend than one, he called Chielu in.

“You know, being in a band together doesn’t give me responsibilities to take care of Shougo’s stupid rebellious ass.” Chielu said bluntly, poking their friend with a well-manicured nail. “He deserves that.”

“No one deserves to sleep on a bench outside their dorm!” Yuto objected.

“Well, fair enough.” She shrugged. “Your roommate was an asshole.” She told Shougo.

He simply groaned his agreement, head tucked between his arms on top of the table.

“Good thing you called me though.” Her expression changed from blank apathy to that smile that looked like she was planning to conquer the world. “We’ve got a gig.”

“Woooh~” Shougo moved enough to raise a hand, which was promptly high-fived by Chielu gamely. “Awesome.” He propped his chin on his arm, looking up at her with half-lidded eyes.

“Two weeks from now. Saturday.” Her cat-like eyes gleamed as she added, “Scouts would be there.”

Yuto’s eyes widened, gasping in a breath. “Wow.” Shougo and Chielu did another high-five. “That’s really awesome.”

She nodded. “That means we have to practice harder, right?”

---

[Yuto Nakajima added you as a friend!]

[Yuto send you a message!]

June 08

Yuto Yama-chan?

Ryosuke Yes? Hi

Yuto Did you just finish practice?

Ryosuke …yes? Why?

Yuto Nothing!

Yuto Are you tired?

Ryosuke Not really. I just got home though. What’s up?

Yuto Ah! Chii said you’ll meet up this Saturday.

Ryosuke This is the first time I’ve heard that.

Yuto Ah

Yuto Sorry. Chinen does that.

Yuto Are you free on Saturday?

Ryosuke I guess. No practice starting tomorrow until midterm week ends so lots of free time to study.

Yuto Ah, that’s good. I wanted to ask you to meet up on Friday too.

Ryosuke You’re all very invested in my grades, aren’t you?

Yuto I told you! I don’t want you to have wrinkles.

Yuto And we’re friends! Friends help out each other.

Ryosuke Just so you know, my brain still goes to ‘stalker’ when I hear your name, rather than friend

Yuto Sweet. I’m special.

Ryosuke You’re very optimistic.

Yuto Still special though?

Ryosuke And stubborn.

Yuto Special?

Ryosuke Wow, fine. Special Stalker Yuto Nakajima.

Yuto Are you annoyed at me now :(

Ryosuke …

Yuto I’ll be good now

Ryosuke lol

Ryosuke you’re fine

Ryosuke btw thanks for helping me with the outline.

Yuto You’ll pass it tomorrow, right?

Ryosuke Yeah. Would you do the distraction tactics you did again?

Yuto What?

Ryosuke Coffee.

Yuto Oh

Yuto Do you want me to?

Yuto Buy me coffee, I’ll sit-in

Ryosuke you mean flirt

Yuto with you?

Ryosuke stupid

Ryosuke no

Ryosuke flirt with Oomasa-sensei, not sit-in

Yuto You’re asking too much of me, Yama-chan

Yuto I don’t flirt with teachers

Ryosuke cute

Ryosuke Or wow do you actually mean that

Yuto Hey! I don’t flirt with teachers!!!

Ryosuke I’m

Ryosuke I can’t believe you

Ryosuke Oh brb Mirai’s getting cranky

Yuto Ah. Okay. I’ll send you the details next time.

---

Yamada kept track of Suzuka more in their practices. He knew they broke up almost two years ago, but the thought of her suffering while watching Yuto continue on obliviously made Yamada want to do something. Luckily, with his increased contact with the guy, he was now able to figure out where Yuto was and if he ever planned on inviting Suzuka anywhere.

It wasn’t even difficult at all. Yuto practically gave his schedule away. Apparently, Yuto was busy with band practice this week and would only be able to get a break on Friday. The Friday he already reserved for helping Yamada out.

That was actually really nice of him. Everything he has done lately has been really nice: the coffee, the study session, the messages. He seemed just like that type, really. The type you can’t hate. He somehow gave off the children can do no wrong feeling.

With a sigh, Yamada continued on with practice. Come Wednesday, he would have time to immerse himself in studying and worrying about these things. For now, he just wanted to juice his remaining time in the field while he can.

Kamiki and Shida were good friends. They really were the best he could ever ask for as childhood best friends. Today, for example, they sat on either side of him; Shida reading his English paper outline on the open laptop, and Kamiki cutting the printed paintings from his Art History class and labeling them to be made into flashcards.

“You two are the best.” Yamada said, grinning at them as he sat back on the couch more comfortably. His math notes were on his lap, and a pen was in his hand. “I couldn’t do this without you.”

“It looks like you’re doing well, though.” Shida noted, looking up at him with narrowed eyes. “This is a really good outline.”

He would have felt offended if he didn’t think the same way. The outline was so obviously refined in a way he usually was not. “Yeah.” He shrugged, looking down at his notes to avoid Shida’s judging stare. “Yuto-kun helped me, since he knows how to impress Oomasa-sensei.”

“Yuto-kun, huh…”

He didn’t even need to look up to see Shida smirking at him. “We’re friends now.”

“Friends.”

“Yes, friends.” He sighed out. “Don’t give it malice.”

“Wait, who?” Kamiki resurfaced from whatever trance he was in. He shook his head, as if trying to wake up. “Who’s your new friend?” He asked eagerly.

“The photographer he thought was a stalker. Mikki, you should listen.” Shida snickered. “It’s the one he was with until dinnertime last Saturday.”

Kamiki smiled then, realization dawning. “The one who flirts!”

Shida laughed as Yamada groaned. Now they won’t let this go, he knew. He would just have to find two new best friends who wouldn’t tease him about his new friends.

---

[Ryosuke sent you a message!]

June 11

Ryosuke Oomasa-sensei is the worst teacher and I don’t understand how you survived unscathed

Yuto Misunderstood

Ryosuke She just said manga was not real literature

Yuto Well…

Ryosuke Ohgod

Ryosuke you’re not my friend anymore

Ryosuke I quit

Yuto you can’t quit being a friend!

Ryosuke Watch me

Yuto Okay, manga is real literature

Yuto But

Yuto not in the level that novels are

Ryosuke elitist jerk

Ryosuke I bet you’re rich and you have paintings on your wall

Yuto I’m not elitist

Ryosuke But you have paintings on your wall?

Yuto I like art, remember?

Ryosuke I like soccer

Ryosuke Doesn’t mean I could have a soccer field in my backyard

Yuto You don’t even have a backyard

Ryosuke You always miss the point, don’t you

Ryosuke Anyway

Ryosuke Oomasa-sensei sucks.

---

[Yuto sent you a message!]

June 12

Yuto Chii is trying to explain to me how I need to leave the band if I want to have a job in the future

Yuto So I’m going to chat with you instead

Ryosuke disrespectful but brave move

Ryosuke listen to him tho

Ryosuke He loves you so he cares. Friends give awesome advice.

Ryosuke …most of the time

Yuto It sounds like that’s coming from experience?

Yuto :D

Ryosuke Chinen reminds me of Mirai a lot

Ryosuke Knows what’s best, and all

Yuto YOU’RE A GOOD GUY BUT PLEASE SCOLD HIM A LOT ABOUT NOT LISTENING TO ME THE NEXT TIME

Yuto -Chinen

Ryosuke yessir

Yuto (still Chinen) Also we’re going to meet on Saturday. I’ll text you the details.

Ryosuke Yuto-kun don’t give my number to strangers please

Yuto he stole my phone

Yuto like how he did just now<

Ryosuke I really hope Chinen and Mirai never meets

Ryosuke they would be too powerful

Yuto yes (-_-);

---

The next time Yamada saw Yuto was on Friday, almost a week from the last time they saw each other. They were pretty much closer though, it showed. When they greeted each other, it was not merely general “how are you’s” but had some specific questions too like “how was Aya-sensei” (to rile Yamada up) and “is Chinen still in control of your life” (to rile Yuto up). When Yamada asked him where they would go, Yuto grinned widely and pointed to the direction of the open fields.

They ended up right beside the soccer field, Suzuka sitting on the bench by the side. Yamada groaned in disbelief.

Yuto looked back at him in alarm, blinking quickly. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Why?” He muttered to himself, sighing deeply. He looked over to Suzuka but she was just looking at them with furrowed eyebrows. No trace of sadness or being upset. “Why are we here?”

“You said there were no practices.” Yuto answered. “I thought it would be a good way to study in the field. Like in the movies!”

Suzuka seemed to be done waiting on the side so she stood up and walked over to them instead. She smiled at the two and raised her hand, keys clinking when she held them up. “Soccer balls are in the storage room.” She said. “Please just get one. And bring it back.”

Yuto saluted, smiling brightly. “Yes, ma’am!”

“Is that all?” She asked, eyebrow rising up.

“We’re fine.” Yamada interjected, before Yuto could ask her for another favor or something. “Thanks, Suzu. You’re a lifesaver.”

She smiled warmly at him, nodding. “I’ll go then.”

“Thanks!” Yuto called out to her as she walked off.

Yamada really wanted to know what was up with their relationship.

“So!” Yuto, not noticing any of the confusing debates inside Yamada’s head, just took hold of Yamada’s arm and lead him to the bench, pushing him to sit. “Wait here. I’ll get the ball.”

When he got back, he was holding two soccer balls on either arm. “So, math.” He said, throwing one ball at Yamada. “We’re going to use soccer to study math.”

Yamada grimaced. “Do you realize that only works for geometry? I have algebra. The Xs and those… stuff.”

“Hey,” Yuto crossed his arms, dropping the other ball on the ground. “We could make it work.”

“I don’t think you actually have a plan.” Yamada held on to the ball and stood up. “I think you’re just winging it.”

Yuto pouted. “Well,” He drew out the word. “I do have a plan.” He said, sighing. “But not about studying.”

Yamada raised an eyebrow. “Hm?”

“The thing is,” He bit his lip, looking down shyly. “I wanted to take pictures but you said we were concerned about your grades so I thought it would be bad if I asked you for a photoshoot out of nowhere without giving anything in return and-”

Yamada cut him off by laughing out loud. “You-” He shook his head fondly at him. “Have you forgotten about your expensive lens?”

“What-”

“Wow, wait, did you?” Yamada gaped. “Because you should totally forget about that if you-”

“Oh, my lens.” Yuto blinked slowly in understanding. “You agreed to pay for it by modelling.” He stared at Yamada then, looking thoughtful. “I completely forgot.”

Yamada snickered. “You know, after talking to you, I kind of figured out you were pretty rich, but if you really forgot something like that, then I was underestimating you, huh? Little Master Yuto. Rich brat.” Seeing the horror in Yuto’s expression, he hastily added, “Not that it changes anything. We’re still friends.” He grinned when Yuto sighed. “Now, since we’ve settled that, can we please play soccer now? I’ve been itching to play since yesterday.”

“But I want to take pictures.” Yuto said, pointing to the bag he had slung on his shoulder. “I thought you could kick and do your thing and I’ll be at the side.”

“Really? You’ll just watch me?” Yamada asked, frowning. “You won’t be bored.”

Yuto laughed. “I like taking your pictures. You like soccer. We both win.”

Yamada smiled then, nodding. “Fair enough.”

---

Continued in Part 3

If a Picture Paints a Thousand Words (1/4) (for nightbaron079)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 11:20:53 GMT

Title: If a Picture Paints a Thousand Words
Rating: Teens and Up
Genre: Romance, slice of life
Word Count: 30, 941
Recipient: nightbaron079
Summary: University AU.
Author’s note:
The request was basically University AU, slow build, and Yuto in the photography club. This was subtitled “Horikoshi clusterfuck fic of doom” when me and my beta looked through it. It’s that bad. I hope recipient-sama likes it anyway? My brain interpreted “slow-build” as “long ass fic”, and interpreted “Horikoshi students could appear too” as “everyone should be here”. The title is from the song If.

---

Lately, Yamada has been noticing something strange. It was a bad feeling. Like a déjà vu of his middle school years, back when that girl in the other class decided that following him around from the shadows was a good idea. He knew the feeling well, knew the itch he gets when it happens. In his peripheral vision, he saw shadows moving; and he heard the sound of footsteps behind him. It was, most definitely, a stalker.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Shida raised an eyebrow; her whole face the perfect expression of ‘I am judging you so much’.

“I’m serious!” Yamada exclaimed, eyes wide. “It’s middle school all over again!”

Kamiki sat beside Yamada on the couch to place a comforting hand on his back. “Aaah...” His eyes darted over to the phone. “Should we call the police? I think- I think if Yama-chan is feeling threatened then-” He was obviously nearing panic.

Shida actually rolled her eyes and raised a hand to stop him. “You’re both overreacting. Drama queens.” She sighed. “First, you’ve never caught the person stalking you, if she really exists. And second, it’s only happened inside the school, and out in the field too. This imaginary person hasn’t done any harm.” She picked up the One Piece manga she left on the table and opened to her bookmark nonchalantly. “And third, why would anyone stalk you at this point?”

“Hey!” Yamada darted forward on top of their living room table and took the manga away, passing it over to Kamiki with a well-practiced toss. “It’s happened before!”

She just looked unimpressed, doing a head-to-toe look at him before raising her eyebrow once again. “Back when we were kids and height wasn’t an issue.” She said, smirking.

“Mi-chan!” Kamiki held Yamada back by grabbing his shirt, hauling him into the couch with him once again. “Taboo words!”

She pouted and nodded slowly, petulant still even in her apology. “Fine. Sorry.” She grumbled out. “Can I please have my manga back?”

Yamada snapped his attention to Kamiki and shook his head. “No.” He said immediately. “I still think I’m being stalked. I saw him!”

All of a sudden, Shida straightened up, interest obviously piqued. “Him?”

“Yes, it’s a guy.” He leaned back and relaxed when he saw the two listening intently now. “He’s taller than me-” He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t say everyone’s taller than you.”

“Not saying anything!” Shida said, feigning innocence despite the obvious twitch on her lips.

“Anyway, I didn’t see him clearly.” He continued. “I noticed him hiding under the bushes and then when I took my soccer ball from the other side of the field, he was gone. I mean, he hasn’t done anything bad… but, still…” He looked down at his hands, thinking back to how the simple case of a middle school crush became a creepy stalking incident when he was young. “I don’t like it.”

Shida’s expression softened and Kamiki immediately hugged him. “We’re going to protect you.” Kamiki said earnestly. Shida smiled and said, “We’ll fetch you tomorrow.”

He smiled at the two and nodded, feeling the knot of worry in his chest loosening just a bit.

Ryosuke Yamada has a very simple MWF schedule. He wakes up at 9 to prepare for his 10 o'clock class, leaves at 9:45 for the quick walk to school, and then sits there for his two hours class. He eats lunch with whoever is available for the day, attends his afternoon classes until 4, and then proceeds to his soccer practice.

Undoubtedly, the focus of each day for him is always the practice. It was the most important too, given how he's just in this high-level university because of his sports scholarship. He had to show his skills if he wanted to continue here. It was a pretty simple deal: he wins, he stays; lose and he's out.

That was why he practices hard everyday. It was the least he could do to help his mom with everything, since she has always worked so hard for them alone. Not being smart like his older sister, or artistic like his younger sister, it's the only way he knows to lighten her load. The only reason he went to this school instead of working immediately after graduating was the scholarship, after all.

He'll do his best here and ignore all the creepy stalker images inside his head. He can definitely focus-

"If you space out in the game, the other team will win without you knowing." Ryutaro's voice pulled him out of his reverie. The younger boy kicked the ball at him, smug smirk firmly in place. "Gotta work your ass off to make sure that won't happen, shorty."

Yamada just looked at him with a flat look as he received it flawlessly. "Freshies should shut up and pick up balls in the field." He glanced at the goal and kicked the ball with a well-aimed shot.

"Not when practice is over." He countered, whistling in appreciation when he saw the ball collide with the goal's net. "Everyone went off to party and left you here alone. They said you'll stay to practice more no matter what anyway, because you're no fun."

"What? Assholes." Yamada groaned and rushed over to the bleachers where his bag was haphazardly left hanging. He rummaged inside to take his phone out. [1 new message]. It was from Kamiki. [Emergency photoshoot. Sorry. Micchan said to wait for her or else.] God, Yamada hated hearing that 'or else'. Mirai was the most terrifying woman on Earth, and Yamada did not want to experience her wrath.

He was all for staying here, though, so it's all fine. After-practice practice is the kind of thing sports manga protagonists do to be the very best.

"Well then, I'll be taking my leave." Ryutaro appeared at his side, already holding his own bag. "You'll stay here?"

Yamada nodded. "Waiting for Micchan."

Ryutaro frowned at that. "Good luck with that."

As soon as Ryutaro left, Yamada looked around the bushes on the far side of the field, just to make sure. No one was there.

It was already starting to get dark when he felt the familiar feeling of being watched. He crouched and took his ball, eyes darting around the field in suspicion. At the corner of his eyes, he saw the shadow of a tall guy move from the side to a bush. Panicking and knowing he'll just miss this chance if he let this go, he placed his ball down and quickly aimed for the shadow.

"Holy shit!"

The tall person fell over, head peeking out the side of the bushes. Yamada cautiously walked forward. "Who the hell are you?" He asked, a good few feet away from the suspicious guy.

"What?" The guy crawled out of the bush and sat up, groaning in pain and rubbing at his side. "Ugh, that hurt. What the hell?"

"What the hell? That's what I'd like to ask, you- you creepy stalker!"

Stalker guy actually looked offended at that, jaw gaping open as he spluttered in protest. "Stalker? Me? I'm-" He looked down, only to gasp and scramble back into the bush. "Oh my god!"

Yamada did not understand what the hell was wrong with this guy. "Oi! I'm talking to you!"

He came out, expression completely different from his earlier shocked one. Now he was sniffling like a lost puppy. Damn it, he's kinda cute. If he wasn't a creepy stalker, Yamada would almost be alright with checking him out. "My-" he raised his hands up, just enough to show that he's cradling a seemingly broken camera. "My lens cracked."

Yamada's eyes widened as he saw the damage. "You were taking pictures of me?!" He cried, indignant.

The sniffling guy immediately shook his head repeatedly. "Why would I do that?! That’s creepy!"

"But you've been- you were-" Yamada gestured to the whole field with his hand as if to encompass the past days he's been feeling this guy's presence in the field. "You were sneaking around here every time I practice! I saw you yesterday! You hid behind this very bush and-"

The guy was blinking, his thin lips doing a goldfish impression, opening and closing repeatedly. "I- you're in the soccer club, right? I have seen you here, but-" He chewed his lip. "I've always taken pictures here. Of the sky before nightfall. It's a good spot."

Yamada gaped at him. "Why would you hide in a bush, for god's sake!"

"I wasn't hiding! The perfect spot is the space behind the bush, okay?!" Not-really-a-stalker-guy was shouting now too, probably angry about some random person suspecting him like this. "My camera's-" He looked down again and his lower lip wobbled, whimpering quietly.

Okay, now Yamada felt like an asshole.

"I-" Yamada stepped forward, raising both hands in a sign of surrender. "I'll pay for any damages. I'm- I'm sorry." He bit his lower lip and ventured to ask, "How much is it?"

The guy was pouting when he looked up. He mumbled the price.

"Wha-" Did he hear that correctly? Why would anyone buy a lens that expensive? What kind of lens is that? Gold? That's almost six months worth of rent! Yamada's barely scraping it! "Would you accept a, uh, monthly installment instead? I'll pay! But, the price is a bit..."

Expensive-lens-guy seemed to be in deep thought as he placed his broken lens back in the camera bag. Oh wow, good thing that camera didn't break. Yamada might have to sell his soul for that. After a while, the guy looked up and stared at Yamada's face, then did a quick sweep-through glance from head to toe. "You could pay me with something else." He said, staring Yamada in the eye with a perfectly innocent expression.

Yamada gasped and covered his chest with his arms, stepping back for good measure. "What?! I'm not that kind of guy!"

Seemingly amused by that reaction, he laughed out loud, throwing his head back and exposing his pale white neck. (Yamada couldn't look away.) He shook his head and clutched his stomach, laughing still. "Not that!" He explained, eyes dancing with mirth now. The mood swings were so random, it was giving Yamada whiplash. "I meant, you could do something like... Ah, model for me!"

Yamada narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"With clothes." The guy hastily added, then chuckled at Yamada's sigh of relief. "I need a model for our final exhibit. I'm a multimedia arts student." He offered a hand. "Yuto Nakajima."

There was still about forty-five percent suspicion inside Yamada's head, but this guy seemed earnest enough. And even if he's taller, Yamada won't lose in a brawl anyway. Might as well pay back for that expensive lens. Besides, he did not like having debts. "Ryosuke Yamada."

—

“Nice to meet you, Yamada-san.”

Yuto would feel sad about his lens, would mourn the loss of such a nice equipment, except he really couldn’t help but rejoice inside right now. This guy, Ryosuke Yamada, had the cutest smile and the brightest eyes. When he was surprised, his eyes grew large and it was just so expressive. Yuto felt like he won the model lottery.

Then again, he’s seen this guy before. He had went to Suzuka, the soccer team manager, and asked about Yamada the first time the guy played out in the field. Suzuka had that ‘oh no’ look in her eyes when he asked, so Yuto knew he was obvious with his intentions.

To suddenly have this chance to get him as a model? Yuto would happily sacrifice one or two lenses. Thank god he chose this spot to take pictures, really. The higher powers are gifting him a golden opportunity.

“I- ah,” Yamada was frowning, looking deep in thought. “Is it any time soon? I have soccer practice and I’m- well, I have things to so…” His left foot was prodding the dirt on the ground awkwardly.

Yuto took his phone from his pocket, plastering a smile on his face as he swiped the screen. “It’s not really urgent. It’s a final requirement so you don’t have to worry right now.” He offered Yamada the phone, having already opened to an empty contacts form. “Give me your contact details and we could talk about it some other time!”

“…okay.” Yamada took the phone with a frown. He inserted his number and e-mail quickly and handed it back. “I’m really sorry.” He repeated with a bow. Then, noticing something from behind Yuto, his whole expression changed into that of a relieved smile. “Mirai!” He stepped to the side and waved his hand.

He really looked cuter like that, Yuto thought. He briefly wondered if ‘Mirai’ was Yamada’s girlfriend. Suzuka didn’t say anything about that, but that was private information so maybe she just did not find any reason to mention it.

“I’ll go now.” Yamada nodded his head once as goodbye before rushing over to the bleachers to his bag. He did not look back even once.

Yuto Nakajima was a busy student. Not like the other students who partied left and right, or the students who took on more course load than they could handle. Instead, he’s the type who was simply interested in doing many things.

He is:

1.) unofficially part of the photography club,

2.) officially the photographer of the sports news in the school newspaper,

3.) drummer of a pretty popular band in this area,

4.) and a third year with a growing need to find an internship for his last year.

What can he say? He likes photography and music a lot. He can’t possibly give one up. (The internship will come. It will. He’s very positive about this.)

And other than those, he was also determined to become the greatest brother known to mankind and the most caring best friend anyone could ever have. He had a lot in his plate.

“I’m home~” He called out as soon as he opened the door to their house. His parents won’t be here for another few hours, but his brother was definitely home already. “Raiya?”

“Welcome home!” A voice from the second floor answered.

Changing into his home slippers, he went directly to the second floor to search where his brother was. “Raiya?” He checked his little brother’s room, but saw that the lights were off. Frowning, he went to the hobby room beside it, opening the lights and proceeding to open the Digital Dehumidify Dry cabinet on the side. He gingerly placed his camera inside alongside the five others, mentally counting how many lenses he has left. He had eight different lenses he could use, even if the one that broke was the best he's got. He’ll manage for now. He took the broken lens and left it on another cabinet.

After which, he glanced over at his room on the end of the hallway. His brother was sitting on the floor in front of the television, seen through the open door. A person was lying on his bed, clean feet twitching in their sleep. “Hey-” He walked closer and smiled when he saw who it was. Walking the few steps, he jumped towards the bed, making it bounce and displace the sleeping person.

“Oi!” The poor sleeping guy rolled over to his side, glaring intensely at the intrusion.

Yuto just laughed, sitting up and grinning at his best friend. “Chii, you’re just way too comfortable in my bed.”

“What’s yours is mine, Yutti. Remember that.” Chinen said simply, grinning as well.

“And what’s yours is mine?” Yuto asked, though he knew what Chinen would answer.

“No. What’s mine is mine.” As expected.

Yuto puffed up his cheeks and tackled Chinen down. “That’s not fair!”

Chinen just rolled his eyes. “Life is not fair, Yuto Nakajima.” He said sagely, not even bothering to squirm out of Yuto’s full body trap. “I was born with good looks, a genius-level mind and perfect athletic skills. Of course life isn’t fair.”

Raiya groaned from where he was stationed at the floor. “Are you done snuggling?” He asked, eyeing them with disdain. He’s in his rebellious phase or something. Yuto is very worried about it. “We’re supposed to be watching the new Arashi DVD.”

“Oh!” Yuto let go of Chinen and slid down the floor beside his brother. “Chii brought it?”

“Of course!” Chinen took the spot beside Yuto. “I pre-ordered like the awesome fan I am.”

“You’re awesome.” Yuto reiterated, because he knows Chinen likes hearing it multiple times everyday. “Play it!”

As usual, they simply watched in silence as the concert DVD started, save for some humming that was just impossible to stop when the songs were as catchy as Arashi’s. Chinen did some of the hand movements that Yuto never quite figured out, too. It was a normal DVD session.

Or so Yuto thought. Until Chinen broke the ice by sidling closer and placing his head on Yuto’s shoulder, whispering “So, have you found your perfect model?”

It was weird enough that he was intentionally opening conversation in the middle of an Arashi concert watching (even if he had watched it already), but this topic was even weirder. Chinen was not that interested in his projects if it wasn’t something he could help with. He always let Yuto be when it comes to art and media classes.

“Yeah,” Yuto nodded minutely, deciding to just go with the flow. “He’s pretty.”

Chinen stiffened. “He?”

“Ryosuke Yamada.” Yuto explained, hoping Chinen recognized the name. “He’s from the soccer club. He broke my lens.”

The DVD was forgotten as Chinen reeled back in what seems to be disbelief. “Soccer club?” He gaped at Yuto. “Yamada of the soccer team? The rising star player?”

Yuto wasn’t sure what Chinen was thinking about, since his face was too stormy. “Yeah. He kicked a soccer ball at me and broke my lens so he’ll pay me back by modeling for me.” He explained slowly.

“And Suzu-chan knows?” Chinen leaned forward with his eyes narrowed.

“Not yet.” Yuto shrugged. “But I asked her about Yamada-san before.”

Chinen dropped his head down, sighing deeply. “You are such a jerk sometimes. I don’t even know why you’re my friend.”

Yuto pouted, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Of course.” Chinen sighed again before looking up and patting his cheek lightly. “Meet me tomorrow after class, okay? I’ll ask around about that Yamada-san of yours.”

He really wanted to ask what Chinen meant by those words, but there was an obvious tone in his voice that meant he would not answer any questions. Instead, Yuto just accepted the last sentence for the gift that it was. “Thanks, Chii!”

Even with all of his extra-curricular activities, Yuto was well-known for being a drifter too. He tried the biology club once, even attended their summer camp to find different leaves and bugs in the mountain. (They offered him a post in the club, in lieu of how many bug species he knew.) He would substitute for the music club performances sometimes. He tried out for the water polo team once too, and even the Economics Society org. All of it were unique experiences for him. And it was also the reason why he could walk around campus and be greeted by almost everyone. He knew people from all corners of the university.

Chinen was a grounding factor, though. He always said Yuto needed to have “a place of his own” in the university, in the same way that Chinen was on top of the social pyramid with his student council position. “Why don’t you try this?” He had said then, handing Yuto a notice from the board.

It was the reason why Yuto became the sports news photographer for Tsubasa, the school paper.

“Excuse me.” He knocked on the open door, peeking to see the two people inside immersed in their work. Kei Inoo, the editor-in-chief, was huddled in front of his laptop, typing furiously. Hikaru Yaotome, the editorial cartoonist, was sketching at his side. “Inoo-senpai? Hikaru-senpai?”

The two looked up in sync, blinking dazedly as their eyes focused on Yuto’s tentative smile. “Yuto! What a sight for sore eyes.” Hikaru enthusiastically said, grinning wide. He motioned towards the empty seats on the table. “Come in.”

“Sorry to intrude.” Yuto bowed a bit, rummaging through his bag already for the SD card he needed to pass for the next issue. “I have all the pictures and I can’t meet up with Haruna for her article, so…” He made a triumphant sound when his finger grasped the small chip in his bag. “Here!” He placed it on the table in front of the two.

Inoo nodded and took it immediately, inserting it in his reader. “You-” He cleared his throat, frowning. “You okay with taking pictures of each match? We could find another one, or ask Dai-chan for help if…”

Yuto blinked, tilting his head to the right. “It’s okay.” He said quickly. “I can handle it.”

Sighing, Inoo nodded slowly. “That’s fine, then.” He clicked on his laptop, scanning the folder with a discerning eye. “This looks good.” Hikaru pushed his seat closer to peek at it and nodded as well.

“Well then,” He closed his bag and smiled at the two. “I should take my leave.”

“Busy as always?” Hikaru asked, offering a consoling smile.

Yuto nodded in agreement. “Busy as always.”

---

“But you never agree to model for me!” Kamiki was clinging like a barnacle, pouting like a child. It was really annoying.

Yamada groaned, pushing him away. “Did you miss half of the story? I’m not doing it because I want to!”

Kamiki pouted. “Still!”

“I agreed to model for you once.” Yamada shot back. “That was enough already. Besides,” He looked around for anyone who could save him. Shida and Suzuka were still talking at the counter, taking their sweet time and quite possibly conspiring to let Yamada suffer through this. “Why are you in our university? You’re not a student here.”

“I’m visiting.” He let go of Yamada’s arm and went back to fiddling with his camera. “I know a professor here so I thought I’d visit you guys on the way. Aren’t I a good friend?”

Yamada simply scowled at him. “I still can’t believe you’re that energetic. Didn’t you wake up at 6 this morning to take a picture of the sunrise?”

Kamiki nodded, looking confused. “I had proper sleep?”

Shida and Suzuka dropped the tray of coffees and sandwiches on their table, taking the empty seats in front of the two. “Don’t question geeks on how they stay energetic, Yama-chan.” Shida chided. “They have endless passion.”

“Calling me a geek when you’re the one who was griping yesterday about not being able to buy a manga on the way home?” Kamiki playfully shot back, grinning. "Weak, Micchan. Weak."

“Oh, shut up. I'm a Japanese literature student. I can read whatever I want.”

Suzuka just shook her head at their antics, already used to this after being their friend for a year. “What were you fighting about?” She asked quietly to Yamada, not wanting to disrupt the banter at her side.

“Someone asked me to model for something. Mikki’s just annoyed I never agree to join his photoshoots.” He shrugged. “It’s nothing.”

“Oh.” She looked down at her salad, poking it repeatedly with her fork. “Yuto Nakajima?” She asked, still with that quiet voice.

Yamada leaned closer, eyes wide. “You know him?”

She smiled, nodding in affirmation. “We’re- ah, we’ve known each other for a while. He asked about you a while ago.”

He frowned at that. “How am I sure he’s not a stalker, then?” He mused. “He asked specifically about me?”

She laughed at that. “He’s not a stalker. He’s a good photographer, I promise. He took your picture for Tsubasa at the last practice match, that’s why he asked.” She diverted her attention back to her salad again and then added, “I’ve modeled for him before, don’t worry.”

“If you say so. If Suzu-chan believes him, then I’ll do too.” He conceded.

There was another thing Yamada needed to remember about his scholarship. Other than winning constantly and proving his worth to the school board, he needed to make sure he, at the very least, pass his classes. Failing students are not allowed to play in the competitions, after all. And not all professors are kind enough to boost grades for “school solidarity”. There were just some professors whose lives are centered on making students cry.

This was the root of all of Yamada’s problems right now.

“Make sure to pass your midterms properly, okay? It might be a few weeks from now for you, but it’s better to be prepared. Getting good scores would make asking for excused absences for meets easier.” Suzuka stood in front of the whole team, clipboard in hand. She looked down at it and read some more of the reminders she needed to make.

Yamada zoned off, thinking about his English 101 class, his Math 27 class and his Art History class. He felt dizzy just thinking about the faces of his professors scowling at his incompetence. It’s not his fault he focused most of his energy in training! His brain was mostly used for thinking up strategies in the field, not memorizing who drew which painting!

He sighed and watched as his teammates walked off to the field. Even Ryutaro was getting ahead of him. But he was supposed to wait and listen to Suzuka. He loves her, he really does, but no amount of sermon from her could help his grade. (He would wait, anyway, because he grew up with three strong women in his life who more or less scared the hell out of him.)

“Yamada-kun,” She sighed and walked over to him. Her expression was clearly of the ‘we’re talking business’ type. “You could skip practice to study, if you want.”

A frown immediately appeared on his lips. “What?! No!” He shook his head repeatedly. “Practice is the only highlight of my day! Come on, Suzuka-senpai…” He rarely used that honorific for her, ever since they became friends, so every time he used it meant he was dead serious.

She scanned his expression for almost a full minute before sighing once again. “You’re so stubborn.” She muttered, already walking away towards her usual place on the bench by the field. "Do what you want, then."

Yamada really was stubborn, he knew that. But his day just wasn’t complete without soccer, okay? He would find a way to pass those exams. If he needed to get on his knees and beg Mirai to tutor him, he would do so. He just didn’t want the tiring studying to get in the way of the only thing he loved in college.

“Shorty!” Ryutaro, as always, flung a ball at him with malicious intent. (The kid is evil.)

He effortlessly caught it on his chest though, using his knee to bounce it with ease. “Still not good enough, freshie!” He shouted back with a smug grin.

Ryutaro groaned and went back to picking up the soccer balls outside the field. “One of these days, seriously…” He huffed out in frustration. “One of these days…”

“Dream on, freshie.” He grinned, problems tucked away at the back of his mind thanks to the younger boy.

Yamada distracted himself with practice. Running faster than anyone, kicking with all he’s got; he let his body move to the practiced movements and let instincts take over. Body memory was easier for him, after all. Focusing on the ball was simple. Defending and scoring goals has been hardwired into his system since he was young.

Pushing himself to his limits, it was no wonder he ended up with his back on the ground by the end of practice. Ryutaro amused himself by poking him with a stick on the side, and Yamada was too tired to even swat it off. Man, Ryutaro was the most un-cute kohai. “Stop it!” He hissed, not even having the energy to yell.

Ryutaro just smirked and used his stick to poke at Yamada’s cheek. “Senpai, you’re looking totally uncool right now.” He said teasingly.

Before Yamada could retort back to that, he heard a faint CLICK on their other side. The side of the bush. Don’t tell me…

Yamada turned his head to that direction and promptly groaned in disbelief. “You said you weren’t a stalker!” He said, just loud enough to be heard by the maybe-really-a-creepy-stalker Yuto Nakajima where he was sitting on the grass.

Yuto seemed to consider that as an inside joke by now, because he grinned widely and chuckled, eyes shining with amusement. “I’d really appreciate if you don’t damage my model’s face.” He jokingly said, obviously talking to Ryutaro. “It would be a waste!”

“...is this guy hitting on you?” Ryutaro stage-whispered, quirking an eyebrow. “I think he is.”

“Idiot.” Yamada rolled his eyes and pushed himself to a sitting position, angling his body towards the approaching guy. “Why are you taking our pictures?” He asked, trying to sound stern but just coming across as tired. (Because, well, he is.)

"More importantly," Ryutaro raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?"

“Hi!” Yuto stopped a feet away from them, waving one hand and offering a friendly smile. “I’m Yuto Nakajima, the photographer for sports news in Tsubasa. And well,” His eyes darted over to Yamada’s face before going back to Ryutaro’s. “I’m personally invested in keeping Yama-chan’s face as pretty as possible.”

Yamada grimaced at the wording. “He asked me to be his model.” He clarified before Ryutaro could get any idea. He faced Yuto and raised an index finger. “Don’t say confusing things like that.” He mentally rewinded the earlier sentence, knowing he’s a bit slow in the uptake after a particularly exhausting training. “And don’t call me nicknames randomly! We’re not friends!”

Yuto crouched down to be at their level and then he pouted like a child, much the same way like yesterday. “We’re going to work together so we should get along better!” He said. “You can call me Yuto. I’ll call you Yama-chan… Well, I heard Suzu call you that, so it stuck? I can't help it if everyone calls you that.”

Somehow, Yamada knew he had no escape. Yuto looked pretty much the textbook definition of ‘my pace’, and trying to go against the flow would probably be even more tiring. Yamada had no energy for this.

“Yuto-kun,” He sighed out, face as blank as it gets. “Why are you taking picture of us?” He repeated the earlier question to get some semblance of logic in this conversation.

Yuto had lightened up upon hearing his name, like he was proud Yamada called him by his first name. Ryutaro snickered at their side. “I’m taking pictures for Suzu!” Yuto explained brightly. “She wanted to-” He looked up, seemingly trying to find a word. “Oh wait.” He frowned down at his camera. “I don’t think I’m supposed to say.”

Yamada briefly thought of how three different emotions went through Yuto’s face in the span of a few seconds, and about how that would probably make him a good model, but he focused on the more important things. “Okay…” He allowed. Suzuka could have her secrets. That was fine. “Shouldn’t you talk to her now or something? You’re wasting your time here.”

“I’m not really wasting my time.” Yuto shrugged it off easily, bringing his camera up and snapping two more pictures. Yamada knew he didn’t look good at all in any of those. “I’m trying to find your bad angle.” He explained. “Because every angle seems like a good angle..."

Ryutaro actually burst out laughing at the side, falling on his butt on the ground. “Oh god,” He gasped out, laughing hard. “That’s so obviously flirting!” He wiped at the stray tear that fell out of his eye. “Man, good thing Mirai-senpai isn’t here.” He said, visibly trying to calm himself.

Yuto blinked. “Oh.” He nodded and stood up, smiling that friendly smile again. “I’ll go talk to Suzu for now. She probably wants to discuss her secret plans with me.”

Yamada just nodded and lied down on the grass, back to his earlier position.

That was, until an idea caught up to him. “Wait!” He sat up again, getting a bit dizzy at how fast he moved. “Yuto-kun!”

“Yes?” He stopped on his tracks, looking back with a questioning look.

“Didn’t I break your lens?”

Yuto opened his mouth, closed it, looked down at his camera, and then back at Yamada. “I- ah, yes!” He nodded, eyebrows furrowing. “My senpaiat the photography club let me borrow a spare.” He said, corner of his lips twitching as if he was forcing himself to smile. Maybe he was still angry about his broken lens, after all?

“Sorry, again.” Yamada said sincerely. “Just contact me anytime.”

Yuto nodded. “Okay.”

---

With a sigh, Yuto continued on towards Suzuka without another glance back. He really did not like lying, but he did not want this chance to fly away either. In any case, it was a white lie at most. Yamada did not need to know how many spare lenses he had at home.

“Enjoyed that?” Suzuka glanced at him with a small private smile. “You’re freaking Yama-chan out.”

He sat beside her, hands fiddling with his camera controls. “It’s not my fault he thinks I’m a stalker.” He pouted. “I’m innocent.”

She just hummed at that, not even gracing him with a supportive answer.

“So,” He decided to change the direction of the conversation. It’s been a while since he and Suzuka have talked. He was busy with his activities and looking at the other sports clubs, and she was busy with her studies and managerial duties. “How’s life?”

She shrugged, tucking a fallen strand behind her ear. “I have good professors this year. Same old, same old.” She turned her attention to her clipboard, using her marker to mark the reminders and the attendance.

He let her do that for a while before he remembered something she said. “Did you get Mr. Smith?” He asked. She used to talk about getting into the political science department because of a certain professor. She idolized the man and took the entrance exam here for that purpose. “You wanted to get him for your World Politics class, right?”

Her smile turned a bit wider as she nodded. “Yes. I got him this semester. He's as great as I expected."

"Good for you."

"How about you?" She looked up at him, dropping the marker at the bench beside her. “Still going at your own pace?”

He shrugged, standing up. “I’ve got everything under control.” He answered noncommittally, watching the other end of the field as Yamada and the freshie (Yuto never did ask his name, did he?) packed their bags. The pretty girl from yesterday, Mirai, was waiting by their side. “The photoshoot is a huge thing but I just got myself a model, so I feel like I’m going somewhere.”

She laughed at that, soft and quiet, eyes going back to her work at hand. “Good for you.” She echoed his earlier statement.

He sighed. He might as well focus on the work at hand too. “I’ll just send the photos in your e-mail. I feel like I took a lot of stupid shots today.” He raised his DSLR up, clicking the button to look through his shots. A smile spread through his face when he saw the last few ones. He wasn’t kidding when he said Yamada did not have a bad angle. He was just ridiculously photogenic even when his eyes were closed or he was sweating like crazy. “I’ll just send you all the good ones, right?”

She nodded. “I want as many as you can.”

“Still not telling me what this scrapbook is for?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nope.” She stuck her tongue out a bit at him. “You’d have to wait too.” The smile on her face stayed small and private as she stood up as well. “I’ll tell you when it’s done.”

Yuto nodded, letting that go. It looked like it was an important thing for her. “Speaking of-”

His words were cut off when a person bodily slammed into his back, long arms wrapping around his neck and legs wrapping around his waist. “Yutti!”

“Chii! You’re heavy!” Yuto tried to shake him off, but Chinen’s hold was firm. His hands reached for Yuto’s face, pinching his cheeks unnecessarily hard. “Mmfff!”

“Isn’t his face cute like this?” Chinen asked, propping his chin on Yuto’s shoulder. “He looks like a blob fish!” He exclaimed happily.

Suzuka bit her lip, trying hard not to laugh. “Let him go, Chii.” She said. “You’re going to break something there.”

Chinen gasped in affront but skillfully jumped off Yuto’s back. “Well, if the princess says so.” He said, smiling charmingly. He then turned to Yuto with a frown, gripping Yuto’s arm painfully. “Now, now, as for you…”

“W-what did I do?” Yuto squeaked, eyes wide as Chinen pulled him to the nearest building. “Hey!”

“See you later, Suzu-hime!” Chinen gave her another winning smile. He dragged Yuto without answering his question for the next few minutes; all of which Yuto spent wondering what he did wrong or why Chinen would drag him. Was there an emergency? They did agree to meet, but Chinen was always busy with student council affairs so it wasn’t like Yuto was terribly late. If anything, Chinen was the one who would always make Yuto wait when it comes to meet-ups.

They stopped just inside the empty student council room. Chinen let go of his arm and took a deep breath, eyeing Yuto with a serious expression. “Your model?”

Yuto blinked.

“Your model Ryosuke Yamada, rising star athlete?” Chinen was probably saying this for a point, but Yuto was just really confused.

“Yes?”

“Wrong choice.” Chinen crossed his arms, wearing his judgemental expression. He was probably recalling every single detail he found out about Yamada. “He’s a sports science major on a sports scholarship, for one. Slobs, generally, you know?”

Yuto scrunched up his nose, frowning. “Not everyone.”

“Yeah, well.” Chinen waved a hand vaguely. “That’s not really my point. He’s in a scholarship and he needs to focus on both the game and passing his subjects.” He let that sink in, staring right at Yuto with grave seriousness. “He might not be a good choice for the photoshoot that will decide your fourth year status.”

“But-” Yuto has latched on to the idea already. It was perfect. He did not have a definite plan yet, but when he saw Yamada thru his viewfinder earlier, he knew that Yamada was the one. It was like the god of photography sent Yamada’s soccer ball right at his side to make him realize that Yamada would be the perfect muse. He won’t be able to let it go now.

“He’s failing, you know.” Chinen sighed, as if he knew none of these information would get through Yuto’s thick skull. “He’s in danger of failing so asking him to-”

Yuto’s frown deepened. “I could-” He bit his lower lip, mood going down in a spiral of darkness as he wondered what he’d do without a muse.

Chinen threw his head back, tsk-ing in frustration out of the blue. “Fine!” He exclaimed. “God, fine!”

“Huh?” Yuto stared at his defeated expression. “What?”

“I have a solution.” Chinen said slowly. “You want a solution, right? And since I’m me, I know how to make this easier.” He hung his head down, muttering, “Why am I friends with such a hopeless person…?”

Bright smile blooming on his face, Yuto jumped forward to envelop him into a hug. “You’re the best!”

Sighing into the hug, Chinen began explaining his plan. It was simple. Yamada was having a hard time with three classes. Two of which has midterm exams and one would have a heavy paper requirement. If he gets high scores in the midterms and the paper requirements, he would have an easier time when finals comes. With that, Yamada would be able to have less stress and he would have more time to be in photoshoots with Yuto.

Chinen was willing to give time to tutor Yamada with math. That was easy. Chinen was a math major, after all. Yuto, who had taken the same English class as Yamada, would be in charge of helping out with that. The last one needed simple memory tricks that both of them could handle just fine. With a definite spartan schedule, Yamada would be able to study without any trouble.

“And how do we tell him this?” Yuto asked curiously.

Rolling his eyes, Chinen pointed at Yuto’s chest. “You have his contact details, right? You tell him.”

Yuto groaned. “Of course.”

While thinking about all the things that could go wrong if he ever e-mails Yamada tonight, Yuto went to his favorite coffee shop. It was a small cafe by the side of the university museum, a quiet spot that only a few knows. More or less, only museum-goers and a few select students go to drink coffee here. Aptly called ‘Museum Cafe’, it serves artistic latte art and beautiful cake slices to go with their art theme. The waiters were also part of the package, because the two waiters were considered to be good looking by pretty much anyone who goes here.

And they wear hipster glasses and nice black uniforms that just accentuate how pretty they are. Yuto loves it here.

Yuya Takaki was sitting on a chair, reading in his ipad, when Yuto came in. “Welcome.” He said, looking up to send a warm smile towards Yuto.

Kota Yabu, the barista behind the counter, sent a white rag flying, hitting Yuya’s back. “Go back to work.”

Yuto just grinned at the two. “My usual, please?” He asked, walking over to the counter. “How’s it going here?”

Yabu shrugged, moving immediately to make his latte art. “Nothing ever happens here.” He said. After a brief pause, he added, “Unless there’s a party at the museum.”

“Hmmm…” Yuto nodded, watching Yabu pour the milk on the espresso with the grace of a professional. “It’s better when it’s quiet here.” He said. This was his ‘secret space’, the place he stays in for his peace when everything seems too loud and hectic. Chinen was the only person Yuto knew who frequented this place as well, and it was only because he discovered this place even before Yuto did. (“Hipster cafe” was what Chinen called this place; a term that Yuya enjoys but Yabu detests.)

Yuya, holding the white rag, walked to his side and very pointedly wiped the surface, flashing a shit-eating grin at Yabu. “Customer-sama, would you like a massage?” He asked, looking like a mischievous little kid instead of the full-grown adult that he is.

Yabu actually rolled his eyes. “You should have asked Chii that when he came earlier.” He said, returning the grin with as much impishness. “He would have taken you up on the offer.”

Rolling his eyes, Yuya went to the nearest table to wipe it too. Yabu- one; Yuya- zero. Yuto would never understand how their arguments work. Well, Yuto has a hard time understanding Chinen’s brain too. They were all a species of their own.

“Ah, Hika said Shougo came by the Tsubasa office. He was looking for you.” Yabu slid his latte in front of him and punched his order into the cash register belatedly. “Said he had CDs to return.” He chuckled. “Hika said he looked haggard.”

“Pre-med.” Yuto said the word like it was poison. He knew Shougo was aiming to become a doctor like pretty much everyone in his family. It was a conversation they had before their band was made and before Shougo agreed to be their bass guitarist. “Zombies during the day, vampires during the night.” He quoted Shougo’s explanation with a grimace. “Their life is hard.”

Yabu laughed in amusement. “This coming from a third year, huh?”

Yuto just pouted and placed a bill beside his latte. Stressing out right now about himself just seemed unproductive when he can stress about his model’s grades instead.

“Yuto’s got his grand plan hidden somewhere.” Yuya said supportively. Or maybe he’s just teasing, judging from the grin that’s still plastered on his face. “He’ll wow us with his final shoot.” Teasingly supportive, then?

“I will.” Yuto nodded decisively. “I’ll just need… oh.” He looked around the cafe, at the mismatched artsy chairs and the wooden tables, at the abstract paintings on the walls, at the nice mellow lighting of the whole place. “Can I take pictures of this place? Or, actually, can I do a photoshoot here about a month or so from now?”

Yabu’s smile was fond when he nodded. “Sure.”

“Let’s post your pictures when you finish.” Yuya added, his teasing grin turning into a soft smile as well.

---

Continued in Part 2

The Disappearance of Yamada Ryosuke (for re_riko)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 08:43:49 GMT

Title: The Disappearance of Yamada Ryosuke
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Slight slice-of-life with a sprinkle of drama
Word Count: 2,828 words
Recipient: re_riko
Summary: The difference between happiness and contentment.
Author's Note: I'm so sorry I butchered this plot and should be exiled for writing something so confusing. Please try your best to decipher what I was trying to say. ;A; This is very, very loosely based on Eight Hundred and Fake Lover (the lyrics at the end are from Fake Lover as well).

The best thing about living in Tokyo is the lack of individuality, the dissipating of personal emotions and sensations, as each and every person melds into the crowd. How the concrete sidewalks were stained with feet yet clear of emotion; there was everyone yet there was no one. No one noticed each other, no one cared of the strangers that surrounded them. Day and night the noises of bustling crowds and honking cars disturbed the screaming silences of empty apartments, leaving no room for thought, no room for emotion.

The best thing about living in Tokyo is the way people disappear.

Yamada fell in love with the invisibility that came along with walking with the crowd. He became accustomed with the numbness of knowing everyone and knowing no one, feeling everything and feeling nothing. He especially adored the easily ignored silence of his apartment with the liveliness of the city. The disappearance of Yamada Ryosuke was what he looked for and what he found in Tokyo.

However, Ryosuke thrived on attention. August 10th of 2010 marked the day of the utaite overnight sensation "Ryo". Two years later, his voice was sold through shows, cds, even widely viewed commercials, and he found the escape from the middle-of-nowhere town he grew up in. The day Ryosuke put foot onto Tokyo concrete and blended into the crowd, Yamada was happy.

Within the next year, Ryo's fanbase grew, as did the job opportunities. Revealing Ryo's identity became a popular demand, but Yamada refused. He was happy with the invisibility, happy with the loss of himself and his life purpose as an individual.

He was happy with the paradoxically insignificant yet known life he ghosted past the eyes of the public.

That was the plan: to milk the utaite cash cow and then find another pass time job that would allow robotic movements and invisibility from the wandering eyes of others. It wasn't hard, not with the quiet profile of Ryo and the almost rudely put-off-ness of the online persona that came along with the avoidance of contact with others. To the utaite's, Ryo was an egotistical and arrogant new comer with a superiority complex. As long as it kept him off the radar of contact, Yamada was happy. Whether having to be known as condescending or introverted, Yamada would act however accordingly he had to in order to block the extraneous eyes of other's.

The day that marked Ryo's 3rd year anniversary, a new utaite by the name “Yuu” showed up at his doorstep.

Yuu, a bright eyed, happily warm, and smiling individual that couldn't sense the despair from Yamada's trained apathetic face. Yuu, the incredibly charming and easy going boy that stood tall above Yamada but showed no sign of superiority. Yamada hated it, hated "Yuu", and everything that came along with him.

"I'm Yuto Nakajima, or Yuu, and I'm a huge, huge, huge fan of yours! Your avatar is really awesome and handsome and great but you're," Yuto stared at Yamada, a big, goofy grin on his face, "you're really beautiful!"

Yamada trembled, his fists clenched, as he tried to hold in the frown, the emotions of wanting to close the door and crawl into the depths of the apartment building, far, far away from the boy in front of him pried at the cracks between his fingers.

Yuto stared for another minute, blushing slightly when he realized he had been gazing at the expressionless occupant. "A-Ah, I didn't mean that as an insult! It's just that I wasn't expecting someone so pretty a-and, um, well, my best friend, Chinen Yuri, is the landlord of these apartments and kind of leaked that you lived here. Oh, but that's illegal isn't it, but, um, he did it because I've really liked you for a long time. I even became an utaite after listening to your voice! Your voice is incredible just like you! Ah, but I don't know you that well so I guess it's kind of arrogant for me to say that. Oh god, I'm rambling I, I um."

After a minute of silence from the other, Yuto shifted his gaze and scratched his head, holding a smile on his face. When he heard Yamada take a quiet breath to talk, he perked up to listen.

"Why do you keep smiling?"

Yuto cocked his head. He brushed his hair back, nervously laughing at the question.

"I'm not really sure. I've been wanting to meet you so much for the last three years, I just can't seem to shake the happiness I feel right now."

Yamada blushed a bit, almost unseeable, and relaxed his fists.

"You're honest," he whispered.

Yuto blushed, smiling, "sorry".

"You want to do a collaboration?", Yamada asked, his voice quiet and slow, each word carefully articulated to the very last syllable.

"If that's okay with you," Yuto replied, straightening his back when he realized that Yamada was looking.

"I don't usually do collaborations," Yamada murmured, staring down at the carpet. He heard Yuto shift on the couch and waited for the other to say that his condescending attitude was inappropriate or to insult him.

"It's fine if you don't want to," Yuto stated, adding after a moment, "you're really not at all as I imagined."

Yamada tensed. But this was part of the plan, whether condescending or introverted. "Sorr--"

"You're even better, really," Yuto beamed. "I had no idea ‘Ryo-chan’ had such a beautiful face behind him. You’re very cool too! I just feel really fulfilled that I'm one of the people who get to see you in real life."

Yamada held his breath, as if to hold in everything else with it. He looked at Yuto and then stalked off to his room, crawling under the covers to shield unwanted things like emotions, letting the loud cars penetrate his thoughts and deafen everything else.

The next day Yuto was back.

"Good morning, Yamada! You look handsome even in the morning! I brought soup as an apology for yesterday, I seemed to have upset you."

Yamada stared blankly before flinching and shaking his head profusely before slamming the door. He leaned against the door and slid to the ground, holding his hand against his beating chest. Not understanding, he stared at the walls and ceiling until he heard Yuto's footsteps retreat from his doorway.

After a week of soup being left at Yamada's front door, he began to regret slamming the door so suddenly. His gaze fixated on the ground, he quietly ate the soup sitting at his door mid-afternoon and waited for Yuto to return to take back the bowl.

Yuto was pleasantly surprised, beaming when he found Yamada sitting at the front door. Yamada twitched when he felt the warmth of the sun radiate from Yuto's smile, squeezing his hands to fists to try and repress whatever was making his heart kick at his chest.

"Good afternoon," Yuto stated, his voice calm but his grin wide.

"Afternoon," Yamada replied weakly, returning the bowl and quickly turning to return into his apartment. He froze as he was about to walk through, slowly looking back and stating in a tiny voice, "thank you for the meal", before closing the door.

Two weeks later, after sitting outside and waiting for Yuto to come to retrieve the bowl, Yamada allowed him inside.

When Yuto gave him a soft peck on the back of the head before bouncing off to the kitchen, Yamada's fingers shook with a feeling that he couldn't explain, that he had never felt. He grabbed at the edge of the couch cushion to steady his fingers. As quickly as the feeling came, it disappeared. The feeling was fleeting, and though it was warm, he preferred the neutralness that he had molded himself to fit. But along with the paradox life he had created, he found himself torn as he fought the urge to push the boy back out the door and the inaudible want to keep what he considered the warmth of the sun inside a human being beside him.

As Yamada ran through a million feelings that he never knew rested within him, Yuto peeked back in and told Yamada that he didn't have any ingredients suited for soup. "I'm going to run down to the complex's convenience store, do you want to come?" Yamada's brows scrunched up as he thought hard about whether he wanted to or not. Yuto gave a helpless smile, content with the show of emotions Yamada had begun to express. "We can pick up a strawberry snack too," Yuto added, remembering the various strawberry snack wrappers in the trash.

Yamada thought for a bit, before slightly nodding and pulling down on the hem of his shirt.

"What the heck?"

Chinen stared across the cash register counter at the oddly matched duo standing in front of him. Yamada's eyes stayed down to the ground as he tried to make his presence as little as possible, while Yuto's smile ignited all the cozy fireplaces, the sun, and happiness in the world (Yamada's thoughts).

Yuto slid the ingredients across the counter, along with two or three packets of pocky and hard candies, all strawberry flavored.

"Do you want anything else before we leave?"

Yamada shook his head, looking down and playing with his fingers restlessly.

"What the heck?", Chinen repeated, leering at the two with a kind of confusion and questionability that seemed to burn holes into Yamada's tense frame. Yamada slid behind Yuto, who laughed and gave a beaming grin at his best friend.

"Okay," Chinen said, stuffing the purchased items into the classic "Thank You" bag. "Take the food and enjoy your night. Don't worry about paying, it's on the house."

Yuto grinned appreciatively and glanced over at Yamada, as if to facilitate a proper, polite "thank you". Yamada glanced up at Chinen and gave him an apathetic and robotic "thank you", trailing behind Yuto.

When they returned, Yamada instinctively grabbed a box of strawberry pocky and ran for the room, only to be dragged back out to the dining table and have the pocky taken away. "No snacks before dinner," Yuto stated, smiling when the other blushed, "you're like a kid, Yamada."

It became a normality for Yuto to be by Yamada's side. Yuto's obvious comfort was both terrifying and easing to Yamada's slightly confused and tense state of mind.

Months had passed of late night comfortable silences and surreal days of leaving his apartment to go down a block, maybe two, with Yuto, but Yamada couldn't find the answer to the feelings that welled up in the rusty part of his heart.

He started to realize his surroundings, the people behind the crowds, the emotions that swelled in each individual.

It was frightening.

Everything came to color at once: the difference between the invisible life that people truly lived and the invisible life he had given himself and everyone around him. The true feeling of being in a crowd, where it isn't disappearance but a merge that crossed all feelings into each other, as if one giant puddle of emotions and sensations. But coming in terms with other's emotions meant coming in terms with his own.

Nostalgia that others felt bled into his body and he remembered the remote town he came from. He remembered the bathroom on the second floor of his middle school, where the taller boys towered above him and the sound of the lock of the last stall where he curled onto the toilet, singing to himself quietly to ignore the pounding and laughing on the other side. The loud, clanging arguing when his father's affair came to light and the screaming silence of the house when no one was home. He never had any particular emotion towards his father, but the silence that followed the storming footsteps of his mother and the slam of the front door always evoked a kind of pity, but also a kind of hatred. He felt the relief of looking at the middle school for the last time, dropout letter in hand. He remembered the feeling of coming to Tokyo and disappearing into the once muddled crowds.

The things that came with being with Yuto scared Yamada, and the things that would come when Yuto would vanish from his still half monochromatic world were horrifying.

More than anything, Yamada came to Tokyo to disappear to escape the idealism of living true to emotion.

More than anything, Yamada was terrified to re-emerge from the lost souls, those that were drowned and numbed by memories, of Tokyo.

"You know, Yamada has been looking kind of like a lost psycho lately."

Yuto stared at Chinen, confused.

"What does a lost psycho look like?"

"Well, you know, he looks like he's confused and scared but also like a damn psycho. Like he's ready to kill but also like he's going to pull some puppy eyes and curl up in a corner."

"Oh," Yuto replied, twirling some ramen onto his chopsticks, "okay".

"Kind of like when Ryutaro first got here. With the cigarette and tattoos and stuff."

"Ryutaro's past gangster self and Yamada are nothing alike," Yuto frowned.

"Yeah huh," Chinen retorted, poking at the last piece of beef on his plate, "Yamada looks exactly like Ryutaro when he first got here. Like he wants to turn into thin air. Then he'll meet someone completely opposite of him and soften up, but then get confused because the whole world turns in from a different perspective. You know, Ryutaro's midlife crisis where he basically made Keito cry every day until he realized that he hated seeing Keito cry."

"Well, Keito cries over everything, even when Ryutaro isn't bullying him."

"That's not the point."

Yuto found Yamada curled up in the corner of his bed, singing in a whisper to himself after a day of being in town. When they first went out, Yamada would come home and lock himself up every day, muttering about emotions and sensations. As time went on, it turned out like this: Yamada alone in the corner of the bed, singing to himself as a mother would to her son. It wasn't until Yuto had realized how Yamada's singing had become a remedy to any feeling, that of fear, discomfort, or pain, that he found himself compelled to be Yamada's music box.

"Hey," Yuto murmured, staring at Yamada's half lidded eyes.

Yamada ceased his singing for a second to lightly graze his fingers against Yuto's before continuing.

Yuto sat in silence, listening to the calming voice cradle the singer himself to sleep. He stared at the brunette, moving away a stray hair from his closed eyes.

"Tomorrow night," Yuto whispered, softly kissing the top of Yamada's forehead, "I'll sing for you."

It took two weeks for Yamada to wade through the memories and resurface in the present. Every day he'd walk through the streets or sit at home, always with Yuto, and run through the past that had brought him to Tokyo in a cinematic form. Day after day of falling asleep to his own singing coupled with Yuto's serene voice that brought him to a state of tranquility.

When he rose from the memories, he found Yuto still sitting on his bedside, as he did every day before, singing a tune he had long forgotten. Yamada glanced up at the other, staring with sleepy eyes at the immersed Yuto. He pondered the people he had saw, the feelings he had felt. He wondered of his disappearance and whether he truly disappeared. If he had disappeared, Yuto couldn't have found him. His thoughts trailed on until he come to the inevitable wonder of whether finding Ryo's underlying Yamada in the lost and found was really an event that Yuto didn't regret. Listening to the boy sing the song that started it all, though, made him question more of the things of the future than anything else. But in the end, he realized that he was content with how things were, just like this.

"This world must be a world without absolutes. If only for just a moment, I want proof that I was by your side."

Yuto smiled warmly when he realized Yamada had woken up, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

Yamada yawned and found Yuto's fingers from beneath the blanket, entwining theirs together.

"I want to tell you," Yamada sung, continuing from Yuto's point, but stopped to pull himself up from the bed to crouch in front of the other.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning onto Yuto's chest.

"The point is that people who lose bits and pieces of themselves forget the difference between content and happy. They begin to think the temporary happiness of dissolving into some emotionless isolation is contentment. But fleeting happiness could never become contentment. You somehow became the dictionary that has to guide him to the true definitions of happiness and contentment."

"Contentment...do you think he’ll feel content?"

"I think he will."

All Of This (for lady_aenea)

yyexchangemod — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 15:14:05 GMT

Title: All Of This
Rating: PG, for swearing ~~probably NC-17 for implied consensual sex~~
Genre: Slice of Life, Angst, Fluff
Word Count: 8894
Recipient: lady_aenea
Summary: Another night (alone) (with her). But I'm always wanting you.
Warnings/Disclaimers: Trigger-warning for the people affected by the 2011 Earthquake. I do not own J&A or any of its talents. Story inspired by real-life events.
Author's Note: Hi, Micchan. I really do hope you like this, in my deepest heart of hearts. Fingers crossed that I hit the important points you requested. Apologies if anybody seems OOC, I tried my best to make them seem as canon as I know/recall them to be. I may have been crying at some point because why has Chinen Yuri not taken over this fic yet, it would have been so much easier if he just had his way with ~~everyone~~ this. Also, this is not sad fic, I promise you. Many thanks to d for the endless stream of support and for dealing with my crazy, to l for not judging and agreeing to not hit me in the head with a book, to i for her awesome and totally ninja beta-ing skills, and to the mods for accepting this ギリギリ offering.

*

When Ryosuke opens his eyes, he knows he's dreaming because the clock on his nightstand says 3:11 am and it's bright (he never leaves the lights on before going to bed, he's got enough of the glaring artificial incandescence and work and not being able to sleep when he's not home and he just wants it as dark as possible the short hours he's going to be resting). He also knows it's not real when he turns to his side and --of all the people, do the gods hate him-- Yuto is with him in bed, all rumpled and squinty-eyed, but nevertheless smiling at him.

"No, no, but you should really try this game," Ryosuke twists to the left and over Yuto's bedhead, he sees Yuuya sitting down on his beanbag. Chinen's by his feet on the floor, clutching at a DS, and they're talking over each other when Ryosuke clears his throat.

"Oh," dream-Chinen exclaims, "you're up. Don't mind us, we'll just be here," he gestures to the room in general, and Ryosuke raises an eyebrows.

"Good morning, Ryo-chan," Yuto's clutching at his pillow and Ryosuke notices that he's not wearing a shirt.

He blinks once, twice. "Where's your shirt," he reflexively asks, and when he looks at himself, he's very naked, too. He chances a peek under the (shared, no surprise there) blanket and well, hello, no clothes there as well. He looks at dream-Yuuya: he's wearing a white shirt that Ryosuke remembers giving to him as a present a few months back. "Yuuyan," he tries, "Yuuyan, is it okay if you get me a shirt from my drawer?"

Dream-Yuuyan tilts his head at Ryosuke. "But why?"

"Yeah, why?" Yuto echoes, and Ryosuke really can't look at him right now.

"I," he stares at Yuto's hair instead. "You're naked." I am, too, he wants to add, but he's hoping right now that either dream-Yuuya will get him some clothes or that by some miracle he'll manage to wake up soon.

Dream-Chinen's looking at him like he's something particularly very interesting. "You were the one who said it was too hot for clothes before you jumped into bed with Yutti, Ryo."

Ryosuke's so lucky his awake self isn't as strange as his dream self, if what dream-Chinen says is true. "Did I really?"

"Yup!" This Yuto sounds far too happy. "You looked really happy while taking off my clothes, too."

Just what in the world, Ryosuke thinks to himself. He starts when he hears Yuto say, "What, you don't remember last night, Ryo-chan?"

"Why are you exactly in my bed, Yuto?" He tries instead, going for charming.

"Uwa," dream-Yuuya comments. "Pervy Yamada's trying to act all innocent now."

Ryosuke bristles a little. "I'm not, I really don't remember!"

"You said it was too hot for clothes, so you and Yutti proceeded to strip each other," dream-Chinen states matter-of-factly. "And then Yutti said he felt too cold and wouldn't go to sleep unless you cuddled with him. It was actually really cute," There's a note of laughter to his voice.

Ryosuke's still trying to grasp the bizarre situation when Yuto dives under the covers, pressing up to his side. "Too cold, why's your room so cold," he whines.

He's putting an arm over Yuto when his bedroom door opens, dream-Yabu popping in. He's wearing a red apron, and Ryosuke can definitely hear the sounds of someone tinkering in the kitchen.

"No inappropriate touching, you guys," dream-Yabu's staring at the pair on the bed; in the background, Ryosuke can hear the steadily increasing volume of his alarm. "Come on down, everyone. Breakfast's ready."

-

Yuto has fleeting memories of his first years as a Johnny, of blinding lights and the deafening cheers of the crowd every time he steps on the stage, all attention on him, the energy of the audience and all the other juniors a natural high that keeps him gunning for a new top with every performance. It was fun, too, sharing the stage with all these wonderful people, all of them wanting to debut so they can reach out and make more people happy with what they love to do.

Now that he's actually at the starting line, it suddenly feels much more different. Much more alone.

It's not that they're fighting per se. Things just happen when people grow older and probably meet other people; they gain different life experiences, and sometimes they grow apart. Yuto doesn't think there's any real reason to be awkward, he and Ryosuke see each other plenty at work and school anyway. But every time they are together, things are a bit off. Where there was playful banter and the bright sunshine of Ryosuke's smile, the one that Yuto learned he wanted to see every time (Yuto wanted to be the only one making Ryosuke smile like that, too), there are only polite greetings and small talk now. With every new project, the distance that wedges them apart grows bigger. And though it's personally a lesser issue for Yuto, the widening gap applies not just with him. Ryosuke seems to be distancing himself from the group; it doesn't help that there are tensions arising from the different workload among the members. It's like the more exposure he's given, the more withdrawn he becomes, no matter how professional he may act on the outside.

Ryosuke's dedication and hard-working attitude always gets Yuto pumped up for work. He's solid, thorough when it comes to responsibilities, and Yuto knows he should learn how to act accordingly from it, should learn to strive for the best with whatever opportunity he's given. He admires Ryosuke, he really does, though when it exactly started, Yuto can't tell. One day he just went to rehearsal and saw that Ryosuke was the same: soothingly affectionate laugh and kind, encouraging words, and saw, and then everything was different for Yuto. Every word or movement or expression, he wanted to commit to memory, wanted to be reason behind those smiles and the recipient of those thoughtful gestures, and apparently this was love, and Yuto had fallen for Ryosuke.

And he's still the same, even when they've grown up. But where there's love and concern and affection and worry, there's also the small seed of jealousy, that tiny voice Yuto tries to shut out of his brain. Because now he tries harder, strives more than anyone and he's definitely happy for all the breaks Ryosuke has been getting, but Yuto also wants, also dreams that they can stand together in all that success and do their best together and maybe, just maybe, if Ryosuke looks at him like that, he'll see Yuto as a bright star, too. Maybe if (when, Yuto tells himself) they reach the goal at the same time, Ryosuke will start to see in Yuto all the things Yuto has seen in Ryosuke all along.

-

'Yuto! Happy Birthday!' Daiki says on the other line. Yuto's got his phone squeezed between his ear and shoulder, hands full. This is the third straight match Raiya's beaten him in; he'll never live it down if his younger brother wipes his ass on the floor in freakin' Tekken.

"Thanks, Dai-chan!" Yuto huffs, executing a jump-kick-spin-kick-kick combo to Raiya's Ling Xiaoyu. "Please take care of me from this year onwards, too."

Daiki and someone else laugh. 'So, what are you doing for your seventeenth birthday?'

"Am I on speakerphone?" On the TV screen, Hwoarang grunts from a series of punch-kick-kick-spin-punch before he is K.O.ed. Raiya whoops in joy.

'Happy Birthday!' answer a number of voices, and then there is a general squabble of birthday wishes and promises of dinner in the upcoming week or so.

"Thank you," Yuto replies happily to the greetings, nodding when Raiya silently asks him to restart the game. "Where are you guys? And who, actually," he laughs.

It turns out Chinen, Daiki, Ryutaro and Ryosuke are staying the night at Inoo's house. 'It's a study party,' Ryutaro exclaims, Inoo rebutting him with 'only Takaki would believe you!'

"Aww, you guys didn't invite me," Yuto whines jokingly. This time his character's Yoshimitsu, and Nina Williams is kicking his ass. Raiya likes playing girl characters.

'We know you'd like to celebrate your birthday at home better,' Inoo says, voice sounding a bit scratchy. 'Plus we wouldn't want you being sick on your special day.'

Oh. "One of you guys is sick? Kei-chan, are you okay?" Distracted enough, Nina sends Yoshimitsu flying towards a stack of crates. Absently, Yuto wishes for his brother to be as strong as the game characters he plays, just so he wouldn't have to be so worried all the time.

There's a bit of a shuffle on the other line. 'Hi,' Inoo's voice sounds nearer and much clearer now. 'I'm fine, but Yama-chan's been conked out on medicine about five minutes after we got home. He's been passed out on my bed since.'

The corner of Yuto's lips turn down. Ryosuke was feeling a little ill at school two days ago when they last saw each other, too. The other members had probably gone out the whole day today, and now he's gotten himself sick from being too tired.

"That's too bad, I bet if Yama-chan were feeling better you would have loads more fun," Yuto says.

'I know,' Chinen sounds a little tired as well. 'Anyway, we just wanted to greet you a happy birthday. We'll celebrate properly when we all get together, okay?'

"Hn," Yuto hums, as the 'Round 2' appears on the screen. Lucky break, it's his first win against Raiya in thirteen rounds. "See you guys later," he ends the call as Yoshimitsu delivers a killer combo to Nina.

"You're actually winning, niichan," Raiya teases, and Yuto makes a noise when Yoshimitsu's attacked by a series of moves too fast to defend against.

Yuto's phone continues to chime with the influx of birthday mails from friends and classmates. A while later, after his mom has come up to his room to greet him, and then tell them to please go to bed before one of the neighbors complain about sounds of violence being heard in their household, Yuto opens his inbox. The top most message is from Chinen, sent about fifteen minutes ago.

Yuto, happy birthday again! ♥︎^o^♥︎^o^♥︎ don't stay up too late~ we're going to bed soon, too. Sweet dreams~（＾ω＾）（＾ω＾）

"Niichan?" Raiya's looking at him. "Something interesting? You're smiling."

Yuto closes his phone. "No, nothing, just birthday mails. Go to bed." His brother doesn't need to know he finds a sleeping Ryosuke very cute.

"Okay," Raiya smiles, eyes half-closed. He ducks when Yuto ruffles his hair fondly. "Happy birthday, good night."

"Good night," Yuto answers, heading to his room.

He saves the photo attached to Chinen's message to his phone before he sleeps.

-

Suzuka's a very nice girl. She's thoughtful during special occasions and helps Yuto when he's behind on schoolwork and Chinen's busier so he's not available as a study buddy. She's not snobby and understands that sometimes, when Yuto talks about something so passionately, his energy and the speed of his thoughts don't quite catch up to his words-- she never scolds him; she just laughs her soft, quiet laugh and covers her mouth with a dainty hand.

It's no wonder Yuto's just a little bit enamored with her, struck with affection that sometimes he just stares at her and forgets to take notes or wipe the sweat on his forehead or put the spoonful of food in his mouth.

"Yuto-kun," she leans forward, dabbing at the side of his face with a napkin. "You're spacing out again." The napkin comes away with a bit of teriyaki sauce.

She's the calm to his boyish rambunctiousness, which makes it harder that they're only casually going out. He's flustered that they won't go the next step, even when he wants to. This is the first time Yuto's actually liked someone else since having his mental and emotional compass point at Ryosuke as his true north; the first time he's liked a girl enough that he wants to date her exclusively, and yet.

It's unfair how generous she is, unfair that she says nothing, only giving him a patient look whenever she catches Yuto watching Ryosuke and Mirai together. Right now they're at the other side of the room, talking excitedly about something, probably that movie they're about to see this Saturday.

Yuto's so lost in Ryosuke's warm smile that he starts when a fist bumps his shoulder lightly. It's Chinen, giving him a knowing look, eyebrows raised.

"Hi, Suzuka-chan," Chinen sits with them, taking a chicken finger from Yuto's bento. "Wow, this really tastes good. You're cooking Yuto's lunch now?"

"Ah, it's nothing too difficult," Suzuka does the muted version of a flail. "Yuto-kun's always eating any dish I make for him anyway."

"Cuuuuute," Chinen coos, winking at her. Yuto slaps his hand when he attempts to take an egg roll slice, too. "Eh, stingy."

"Didn't you already have lunch? I saw you going to the cafeteria with the other guys."

"Home-cooked food is always better, right?" Chinen takes an egg roll slice from Suzuka's bento instead, To Yuto's protest. "Uwa, seriously delicious. Don't spoil him too much or he'll end up not eating konbini bento when we're at work."

"Stupid," Yuto pokes him in the cheek. "Don't listen to him, Suzu. But," he waves his chopsticks in the air, smiling his toothy smile at her, "of course I'll always like your cooking best."

Suzuka smiles back at them, eyes twinkling. "That's very sweet, Yuto-kun. Thank you."

Yeah. Yuto's sense of direction is off by a mile. It's totally unfair.

-

They meet at the hospital, when everyone is accounted for as safe and the agency has sent out fax messages to the proper channels informing the public of their talents' state. Hikaru's eyes are suspiciously red and puffy, his face half-covered by a face mask. He's uncharacteristically quiet as he holds Yabu's hand in a bone-crushing grip, the older boy clutching Hikaru's phone in his other hand.

"Hey," Yuuya rushes in, face practically hidden with a beanie and a scarf, Daiki and a manager in tow. He touches Hikaru's shoulder lightly. "You guys okay?" He frowns when Yabu shakes his head no slowly and Hikaru's hand tightens his hold.

Yuto watches them quietly, counting in his head. Four, five, Yuuyan and Daiki make six and seven. Inoo was at university when the tremors started happening, but luckily he was able to contact one of the managers. Someone from the agency had already been sent to pick him up, but Yuto doesn't know how they'll manage to get to the hospital if they're going by car; no lights, almost all roads not passable, and a tsunami warning issued an hour ago. He starts shaking his leg out of nervous habit.

"Yuto," Keito's sitting beside him, rubbing his good arm soothingly, "I'm sure they're okay. Don't worry yourself sick," he doesn't add the you're already hurt as it is.

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll be here soon," Ryutaro's on his other side, voice a little clipped. He'd only gotten back from checking on his younger brother some ten minutes ago. They're all mostly safe, for now.

Taking out his phone, Yuto just nods a little. He'd been meaning to check on his parents and Raiya but their phones still have no network coverage. How the agency manages to have working communication lines at this scale of a disaster surprises them. "Yeah, okay," he nudges at Keito. "You should try checking on your dad again, too."

"I will, in a bit," Keito grips his hand for a moment before slowly letting go and standing up. "You want me to get you guys anything? Here, somebody else sit," he asks the older four and Yabu makes a shaken Hikaru sit down.

Yabu smiles a little at Keito, grateful. "Maybe a bottle of water, please. And another coat. Thanks, Keito." Hikaru still hasn't let go of his hand.

"Why aren't Ryo and Chii here yet?" Daiki's already sat down beside Ryutaro, leaning his elbow on the arm rest, and the moment he ask the question, Yuto tenses.

The manager's about to answer the question but Yuto beats him to it. "They said it'd be safer if they stayed at the TV Asahi studio until it was okay to travel." NYC were stuck filming for Music Station when everything shut down and evacuation orders were issued.

Everybody's quiet then until Keito returns with the water and coat, and some blankets and snacks the agency people have given him for everyone to share. Some of them hadn't eaten the whole day because of work.

"I just got word, they said Nakayama-kun, Chinen-kun and Yamada-kun are on their way now," the lights flicker and the building shakes for a moment while Keito's passing the water bottle and packets of snacks around.

Aftershock. "Shit," Hikaru swears, voice thick. He buries his head in his hands. "Shit. Shit, shit."

"It's fine, it's fine," Yabu's wrapping the coat around himself and Hikaru, arms wound around the crouching form on the bench.

Someone answers "S'not fine," and it's from the huddle of Daiki, Ryutaro and Keito, who've squeezed themselves together on one of the larger blankets. Yuuya's taken refuge with the manager under the room's lone table.

"Fuck," it sounds like Ryutaro, and his voice is wet. He looks about ready to bolt, probably to check on his brother again; most of the juniors have been placed three rooms across theirs. He'd left Shintaro with his friends, but if his little brother gets hurt...

Yuto fades out because of the panic until the little shakes stop. When he comes to, someone's lightly touching the bandage on his injured elbow; it's Yuuya.

"You were flinching a little. Is it hurting still?"

"No--" Yuto says, then cuts off as the door opens and Chinen and Ryosuke rush in, face masks on and hats jammed low on their heads, another manager with them. Chinen's returning a phone to the manager; he's probably just finished trying to contact home. His face looks like it's more bad news.

Both of them look a little roughed up, actually. More Ryosuke than Chinen.

Yuto starts, but Yabu's already standing up and giving the two boys a hug and a closer inspection each.

"Oh god, you're okay, you're both okay," he's checking for cuts or scratches on their arms, their legs, touching their chests and backs and faces as if to assure himself there are no fatal injuries. There's a particularly nasty gash on one of Ryosuke's arms, and Yabu stops when he sees it. "What's this, what happened to him," he asks the manager, voice going a little higher than he intends to.

The manager who is with them looks somber. "They're fine, and all of you have been accounted for. The doctor will be here to treat them shortly, they decided to have themselves checked over here."

"Yes, but what happened," Yabu wills the patience back into his voice, it's not the manager's fault if Ryosuke's bleeding a little, there was a national disaster, it could happen to anyone. He's got an injured shoulder himself, but that's already been treated and this--

Chinen speaks up. "I. There was an overhead light about to fall on me. Ryosuke took the hit." He looks really apologetic and worried.

Yabu's mouth thins into a line. "Yeah. Okay. Just, let's have it checked as soon as possible." He looking at Ryosuke, who has his eyes trained on his shoes.

"The doctor will be with us as soon as he finishes with the other patients, I'm sure he'll be here immediately," Daiki agrees, then calmly asks the managers to please check if there are enough beddings for the lot of them, and to please take Ryutaro to see his younger brother before he has an angry fit. Obviously, it will be cramped with ten people sleeping in such a small space, but right now it looks like nobody's willing to leave the safety of each others' presence.

-

Hikaru and Yabu are propped up by the door, blanket on layers and layers of clothing still not enough to fight the former's shivers. His parents' house in Miyagi had been shattered by the tsunami; they were lucky one of his brothers' house was on a mountaintop and everybody had gotten there safely before the water hit, but the close call and the panic of not having any means to assure his family's safely bore down on him hard now. Hikaru closes his eyes, tries not to lean too much on Yabu's uninjured shoulder, burrowing into the covers and failing to fall asleep.

Inoo is finally with them, having arrived an hour prior. He's sharing a cup of coffee with Chinen and Ryutaro, the latter looking much better after bundling up Shintaro and demanding that he and his friends stay put in another room, and no funny business.

"I'm blowing out the candle," Yuuya's voice comes from somewhere behind the desk, where he's sitting down with Ryosuke. The room is suddenly shrouded in darkness and Yuto buries himself under the covers, pressing close to Keito's shoulder.

"It's late," Keito carefully adjusts the blanket over Yuto's injured side, hand coming to his waist. "Go to bed," he whispers, exhausted (we all are, Yuto's mind supplies) and Yuto moves even closer, trying to leech warmth. Raiya managed to mail him earlier; he's glad at least his family's safe.

The futon beside them shifts, and that's Yuuya slipping in, softly telling the others to go to bed as well, they've had a long day, they should rest up, because nobody knows what they'll be doing come morning. Daiki's already asleep on his other side, albeit uneasy.

"Is Yama-chan okay? Where is he?"

Yuuya turns to them, and his eyes look tired even in the dim of the night. "He's still a bit shaken, but he says he'll turn in soon, too. Don't worry, just rest up, your elbow's not smarting anymore, right?" He tries to smile.

"No, I'm good," Yuto says, tries to return the smile. "Thanks for worrying, Yuuyan. You should sleep, too. Good night."

Yuuya hums his good night and closes his eyes. The others all gradually go to sleep, too, even Chinen who had spent the entire evening restlessly pacing and draining the manager's phone's battery trying to reach his house, without success. Him and Ryosuke had already been bandaged up and everybody who'd had injuries were given painkillers for the evening.

An hour passes and Yuto's still staring at the unlit lightbulb on the ceiling, listening to restless shuffles and even breaths, the smallest movement catching his eye. Even Yabu's closed his eyes, but that position will do horrible things to his back and neck in the morning. When Keito turns, Yuto quietly creeps out of bed.

"Yama-chan," Yuto plops beside him, holding a spare blanket he got from the bench. Ryosuke's still behind the desk, knees drawn up to his chest and facing the open window, small wisps of smoke floating into the air.

"Hi," Ryosuke moves to put out the cigarette, but Yuto stops his hand. "You sure?"

Yuto nods, not letting go. "That's Yuuyan's, right?" He presses his back against the table, feels Ryosuke inching away to give him more space. "Don't. I'm cold."

Ryosuke takes the cigarette in his other hand, butting it out on the floor anyway. "Yeah, why're your hands freezing," he removes his hand slowly from Yuto's hold, drapes the blanket over them both. It's not much, but it'll have to do.

"You're hurt," Yuto frowns, moving to touch the bandage on Ryosuke's arm gingerly. "Why'd you take the fall for Chii?"

Ryosuke hums softly. "I dunno. I saw the stage light coming down on him and my body moved on its own. It wasn't really as horrible as Yuri made it out to be."

"But you're still hurt," Yuto says, voice soft but insistent.

His elbow smarts when Ryosuke touches it. "You are, too. That still painful? Did you take the medicine they gave us?"

"You don't always have to be looking out for everybody else," Yuto answers instead, looking at the windowsill resolutely. "I was worried. I'm still."

Ryosuke keeps quiet. Then, because Yuto won't stop shaking, "I'm sorry. If Yuri and I worried everybody."

"Does it still hurt?"

Ryosuke closes his eyes, tilts his head back. "A little. I guess," he breathes.

There's a moment of stillness, and then Yuto's pressing his lips against Ryosuke's. Not needy or urgent, but searching for comfort, for even just a little reassurance.

"Yuto," Ryosuke opens his eyes wide, and he looks so beautiful with the melancholy of the night and only the moonlight to witness them, so Yuto kisses him again.

Ryosuke kisses back, finds himself wanting and needing and not alone, at least not in this moment, not right now when he can carefully hold Yuto's face in his hands and just be.

The kiss ends, and when they pull apart, Yuto's looking at him with that look he gives things he finds fascinating. The great thing about Yuto is that he's always full of childlike wonder, even if sometimes Ryosuke thinks Yuto only ever gets so lost in his fascinations ever so swiftly, flitting from one thing to another.

"For courage," Yuto presses a last chaste kiss to Ryosuke's mouth, cheeks a little flushed. If I'm here, you'll never have to be alone, you'll not need to hurt, and then he's laying his head on Ryosuke's lap, eyes closed and head pillowed in his hands; after a few minutes, his breaths even.

Ryosuke places his good arm around Yuto's chest where he can hold his hand, the other carding fingers through the taller boy's soft, brown hair.

-

The tide subsides, and they all have to start moving forward again. Yuto doesn't ever talk about that night, doesn't ask why when he woke up the next morning, Ryosuke was already in another room, being called into a meeting with NYC about spearheading some kind of charity project with all of Johnny's family. Their little moment never gets brought up after there are initial glances between the two of them when Ryosuke and Chinen come back from the meeting, and Yuto sees that at least there aren't such deep eye bags in Ryosuke's eyes.

He's glad to have confirmed Suzuka's safety, too--she's had her manager send Yuto a message first thing this morning, and Yuto had breathed a small sigh of relief.

Things slowly go back to normal, with them and the group and the whole agency, the whole country in a proverbial tale of rising up from the ashes. Yuto tries to move forward, because even after the storm, if they're still alive, that must mean they're fated to go on.

-

"Huh. So, listen to this." Yuto's waving his phone in everyone's general direction. "I may have just gotten dumped."

"By Suzuka-chan?" It's Chinen, squinting at his phone. He's forgotten to wear his contacts today.

Yuto frowns a little. "No, by our teacher. Yes, of course, by Suzu. Who've I been dating for almost a year now?" He doesn't look too distressed by someone who just got his heart broken.

His phone gets passed around by the members. It's a mail, I went out on a date today! It was really fun. Hope it's okay with you and that we can still stay good friends, Yuto-kun. I'll message you when your schedule clears up, okay? See you soon~♥︎. It seems almost too cheerful for a break-up mail, except Yuto can't really be mad because he knows that Suzuka knows how confused he's been even as they were going out. Also, he can't get angry when the attached photos have a very happy Suzuka who apparently went out on a karaoke date. She looks very charming in the purikura booth pics with her new boyfriend, all dolled up.

There's a low whistle coming from Yuuya, followed by a consoling clap on the back.

"Tough luck," Yabu is saying, eyes kind and smile comforting. "Maybe it'll go better next time."

Hikaru's nodding his head. "If you want, I'm going to a group date this weekend. College girls. I can squeeze you in for another seat. Or," he stops making suggestive motions with his eyebrows when he sees Yabu giving him a pointed look. "Or, never mind. Pretend I never said that."

"I'm okay, guys, thanks," Yuto waves off the remarks. He actually doesn't feel bad, just a little relieved. He doesn't know what that says about his character as a boyfriend, though. Keito returns his phone together with an understanding smile.

"College girls, really. Where do you even find those," Yuuya snorts, flipping a page on his magazine. "And more importantly, why aren't you inviting me instead?"

Chinen walks to the other side of the dressing room, setting his coffee cup on the table. "Next time will definitely be better, Yutti," he sits on the make-up chair, hand already reaching for the hair dryer. He looks at Ryosuke through the mirror, "Don't you think so, too?"

"Yeah, I guess," Ryosuke's suddenly more interested in memorizing his lines for their upcoming drama.

Yuto doesn't take their comments to heart. All he thinks, all he honestly feels, is that maybe he wasn't being too subtle about liking Ryosuke all this time, and Suzuka, like always, is so generous. This is the most gracious out that she will give him, and he can't be anything but grateful.

-

"Hey," Ryosuke catches up to him just as Yuto's about to leave. It's just the two of them shooting scenes for the drama today, so no agency cars or whatnot.

"Yama-chan," Yuto slings his bag over his shoulder, jamming a cap on his head. "Good work today. You need me for anything?"

Ryosuke tries not to look at him. "No. I mean," he shakes his head. "You okay? With, you know."

"With?"

Ryosuke clears his throat. "The other day. With Ohgo-chan."

Oh. "Yeah," Yuto shifts on his feet, voice a little quieter. "We're--we're actually meeting up after this. To talk. About stuff."

Ryosuke nods. Well shit, he was going to ask Yuto out for dinner, too. Especially after that particular phone call with Chinen the other day. 'Look, Ryo. If you like Yutti so much that you think it's going to affect the drama filming, just talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll understand.'

Ryosuke's pretty sure Yuto would understand, would be considerate enough to ask what Ryosuke would want him to do to make things easier for both of them. He'd really much rather not have a repeat of those four or so years when things started getting weird and silent and civil between them. They'd just started hanging out again and talking more recently, too. But it seems luck is not on Ryosuke's side tonight, either.

"Ryo-chan? Is there anything?" Yuto's presently waving a hand in front of him. "Sorry, I really have to go. I'm already running late and--"

Ryosuke doesn't think, just pulls down on Yuto's shirt and kisses him on the mouth. It's sudden and a bit messy, with the added bonus of Ryosuke being a little insistent with his kiss.

"I," Yuto blinks hard twice when it ends, tries to straighten his shirt where Ryosuke's hand have gripped and crumpled the fabric. "I. Uh. Yama-chan. Um."

Ryosuke thinks hard of something to say. "For courage," he comes up with words short and straight-forward. "I. Yeah. I hope things go well tonight. And be safe. Um. Careful. Yeah."

Yuto nods, dazed. "Okay. I have to. I've got to go."

Ryosuke nervously puts a hand in his hair. "Yeah. Okay. See you tomorrow."

-

'Well, that's definitely not talking about the issue at hand, isn't it,' Mirai's voice is even smaller over the phone.

Ryosuke huffs. He totally knows that. "Don't start. I didn't call for a lecture."

Mirai lets out a 'ha', and Ryosuke has to remove the phone from his ear for a moment. 'And? Why'd you call, then?'

"You're a girl," he sits faceplants on his bed, work clothes still on. "And I know you. Evil overlord or something. You know things. A lot of things."

'Definitely 'or something',' she snorts. 'Well. Apparently it was very amicable. She didn't like the low-profile dating. Ugh, idols.'

But if she's already been in the business as long as they have, she'd know that relationships in stealth were always part of the deal. "You're an idol, too, mind you," Ryosuke says instead.

'Nope. Actress here, excuse you. And,' she pauses for dramatic effect, 'well, there was someone else.'

What?

"Wait. A third party?" But it didn't look like either of them had cheated whatsoever, at least not until the mail a few days ago.

Mirai sighs, like she's talking to a kid. 'Yes. Suzuka-chan had known about it for a while now. Nakajima-kun really didn't tell you anything? She says he's liked this person for a long time, way before he and Suzuka-chan ever started going out.'

Now there's a surprise. Ryosuke rolls in bed so he's now looking up at the ceiling. "I. No, he never told me about that." He could probably ask Chinen. Then again, that would involve telling Chinen why he was in such an awkward predicament exactly, and no. That doesn't sound like a plan at all.

'So,' she asks, a little impatient. 'What are you planning to do now? You know I didn't give up on liking Nakajima-kun just so you could chicken out of this.'

Ryosuke gulps. "You got on to that? Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

'Eh. To be fair, you were being painfully obvious.' Ryosuke thanks his lucky stars that Mirai has stayed his good friend, with all the speed dating sessions he'd booked for her all throughout highschool. 'And so? What's your next step?'

"I don't know, Mirai. I honestly just don't."

'Well you better figure it out sooner rather than later. If you don't set things straight, I'm going to every single one of your ex-girlfriends to tell them the only reason you ever went out with any of them was because they reminded you of Yuto-kun.'

"Hey!" Ryosuke protests, but she's already hung up.

-

Filming for the rest of the drama doesn't get too bumpy after their incident, and Ryosuke thanks the gods because even with the unspoken tension in the air, he and Yuto have been in the field long enough to know how to act professionally. Work stays work, and unexpected kisses without proper explanations, well. Those things are pushed back to the 'things to probably talk about only in therapy' box.

Yuto smiles up excitedly at him when the cameras are rolling, and Ryosuke perfects the choreography for JUMP's new song. It's for their drama, so of course it has a lot of fanservice between the two of them. Whenever they perform Super Delicate in music shows and he and Yuto have to get all in each other's faces passionately, Ryosuke focuses all his energy into 'work mode' so he doesn't get the urge to jump Yuto's bones, to tell him embarrassingly sappy lines or probably steal another unwarranted kiss or two.

Nobody from the group notices anything amiss, so he figures they're doing a good job of being 'friends' again. The fans eat it all up, too, screams and excited faces whenever their duet comes up. Ryosuke has to chant "it's all for them" over and over and over in his head because he doesn't know how to say it, even with Yuto and him getting slowly closer again as they get older; he's not going to admit so easily that it's enough being by Yuto's, even under the pretense of work. It's something small but if it's what he can get, Ryosuke will take it willingly and be happy.

-

In the end, though, curiosity still wins over; he simply can't let it go, especially with Yuto being so friendly towards literally everybody including him in the past months. They've even hung out to shop or eat out every two or so weeks, but the niggling feeling won't leave the back of his mind.

It takes half a year before Ryosuke does end up asking Chinen, who thankfully doesn't know anything as well, but unfortunately now has ammunition to tease Ryosuke with. "Maybe you should try someone who hits closer to home," he suggests.

Ryosuke raises an eyebrow. He's not going to ask Raiya about his older brother's love life.

"Stupid, I didn't mean him," Chinen hits him lightly on the shoulder. "I meant him," he gestures at Keito, who has his headphones on and is strumming lightly on his guitar at a corner.

Ryosuke gives him a look. "But," he starts, then doesn't know how to finish that sentence. Don't they have some sort of a thing going on, too? Ryosuke wants to say, not that he's uncomfortable about that or going to get all judgmental on Keito because who was he to talk, really. Just. What if it were Keito, the one Mirai was talking about. Did he know? Is it technically okay to ask? Or was he going to be opening a can of worms with that topic. It would be a really weird conversation, and Ryosuke avoids 'weird' if he possibly can.

Chinen smiles up at him, encouraging. "Look. You're here, he's there, and Keito's nice. He's not going to bite you. Probably. Maybe." He gives Ryosuke a little push forward and then leaves the dressing room.

Reluctantly, Ryosuke walks over to Keito. "Uh," he taps Keito on the back for a lack of anything to say. "Hi, mind if I sit?"

Keito takes off his headphones. "No, it's okay," he smiles and Ryosuke's nervousness eases. "What's up?"

Better to get it over with sooner. "Uh. About--it's about Yuto, actually."

"Yes?"

"I heard from a friend that he likes someone." Ryosuke pauses. "Someone not Ohgo-chan."

Keito shifts a little. "Yes?"

Right. "Do you know who?" He adds when Keito looks a little nervous, suddenly. "Just an honestly curious question."

"I do," Keito looks uncomfortable with the direction of this talk. "But, Ryosuke-kun. I think, maybe you should ask Yuto about it, and not me."

Oh, to hell with it all. "Is it you, Keito-kun?"

"What?" And Keito just looks genuinely confused now.

Ryosuke takes a deep breath. "That is, I mean. Are you the one Yuto likes? You are--dating?"

Keito lets out a laugh at that. "I. No. Why would you think that?"

"Well, you know," Ryosuke shrugs. "You've been awfully close for some time now. And Yuto..."

Yuto is overly affectionate with people he likes. He has no shame or brain-to-mouth filter when it comes to praising his respected seniors and good friends, just as he won't mince his words when reprimanding those whom he loves out of concern and worry. Now that Ryosuke continues to think about it, it's entirely possible it could be someone else, actually; Yuto has a lot of people he considers very important.

Which would bring Ryosuke back to square one.

"Ryosuke-kun," Keito calls him back to attention, hand on his knee, comforting. "I guess. I really like Yuto. He's kind, and nice, and it's always enjoyable to be around him. I think it's a shame if people aren't drawn to him because of that."

And Ryosuke has to agree with all of this. He's witnessed first hand the Yuto's childlike heart and attitude, his trust in people which seems to go on seemingly forever, the way people are enamored with the way he doles out affection and emanates warmth. These are all the things that drew him to Yuto, after all.

"But I think, out of everyone Yuto's ever liked and been close to," Keito continues, looking wistful, "don't you think he's always had a soft spot for you?"

The surprise in Ryosuke's voice when he says, "me?" is evident. Keito only nods, smiling.

"You've always been a very, very special existence to him. For a very long time now."

-

Chinen turns twenty, and all of 7 go out for celebratory drinks legally. It's just the right amount of chill for an autumn night, and Yuto's had one too many beers. With Chinen and Keito talking animatedly across them, Yuto turns to his right and sees Ryosuke smiling fondly at him.

"Hmmm?" he asks quietly, tilting his head to one side.

Ryosuke takes a napkin and wipes it at Yuto's mouth. "Beer foam," he shakes his head, smile still in place. "Remember none of us can drive home, Keito's been drinking, too."

"I'll behave myself, then," Yuto rests his elbows on the table. "Or maybe Ryosuke can take me home, since you've moved now and all."

The offer is very tempting, but beer. And conversations that are much better to be had when sober. "Taxi tonight, for all of us," he says to their table in particular.

"Eh, what was that?" Chinen's asking, cheeks also a little red from the alcohol.

Yuto shakes his head. "No. We were talking about something else, Chii." He thinks hard, eyebrows scrunching together in concentration and even that has Ryosuke smiling. "Ah, I remember. Ryosuke was looking at me," Yuto points at him, "like that. He was smiling. I was asking why." Yuto grins then, looking very proud that he remembered what he wanted to say.

"Really," Chinen looks interested now; Keito, too. "So why were you looking at Yutti, Ryo?" Suddenly the small blush on Ryosuke has nothing to do with the amount of beer he's drank so far. If anything he's suddenly become more sober.

"It's nothing," Ryosuke starts. "I was just remembering. How we used to be kids and all close. And then a lot of things happened too fast, with debut and work, we kind of grew up too fast, all of us." He smirks at Chinen, "well, most of us anyway."

"Hey, that's totally not true," Chinen's beer sloshes around dangerously when he answers and Keito has to steady his hands. "I'd like to say I'm actually the most mature out of us four."

Keito just hums in agreement. "Everyone was really nice to me when I had a hard time adjusting. And I had my awkward phase for a few years, at least."

Yuto shakes his head rather enthusiastically. "No, no, that's totally not true. You were really cool back then." He turns to Ryosuke. "Remember, Yama-chan, I told you, right? I said Keito was awesome and brave because we were all like senpai to him, but he still wanted to continue being an idol and even if he won't be able to catch up on our experiences," then Yuto cuts himself off with a hiccup.

Chinen laughs at that, Ryosuke and Keito smiling while the latter hands a tissue to Yuto.

"As I was saying," Yuto's pouting now, miffed at being interrupted. "Keito was really cool, even back then. And even more so now, he's actually caught up to us all and wow," he pauses, giving Keito a good once over. "Really cool. Amazing!"

Ryosuke nods his head. "Yeah. I remember all of that. I was kind of jealous back then, too," he admits wistfully now, tongue loosened a little by the alcohol. "Suddenly this person who was supposed to be my best friend kept on going and going and going about this new guy." And everybody knew that once Yuto started talking, he would be really hard to stop.

"Eh, that kind of thing happened?" Chinen muses, eyes already half-closed. He's leaning dangerously towards Keito now.

Embarrassed, Keito looks at Ryosuke. "Sorry I took your best friend away?" They both look at Yuto, who is smiling toothily and eagerly observing him both. "To be honest, you can have him back," Keito jokes. "I don't think I'm able to handle his brand of energy for longer."

"Hmp," Yuto makes a face, and it's funny because he's almost a mutinous red now, it shouldn't look so cute on someone his height but it still is. "See if I ever smother you with praises ever again. It's good Yama-chan decided to still keep me all this years, I'm lucky."

Ryosuke chuckles, so lucky that things have started finally falling into place now. Maybe they really just needed time to grow up and figure things out. "Aren't I the one lucky because I have you," he mumbles so that nobody but Yuto gets to hear.

The conversation flows normally between the four of them after that, but from time to time Yuto catches Ryosuke looking at him, all soft and thoughtful. He's been noticing Ryosuke doing that a lot lately as well, even when they're out with other members. A quiet look, a small smile, light touches to his arms or shoulders; just small gestures that sometimes makes him the good kind of nervous and anticipating. Yuto's always one for big displays of affection, and he knows Ryosuke is not--he's methodical, likes to plan even the smallest things, makes a habit to mull thoughts in his head over and over again. It does warm things to Yuto's insides, butterflies in his stomach and all that, but it's okay, because it's Ryosuke, and Yuto meant every word when he said he was lucky to have Ryosuke stick around. Maybe one day he'll finally get over all his reservations and just tell him the truth. Maybe this time, Ryosuke's started to see that Yuto's wanted to be his brightest star all along.

*

Looking back, their heart-to-heart is really anti-climactic. It's in the simplest of ways that they come together, in true JUMP fashion, Yuuya conspiring with Daiki and Keito of all people to get them alone by the hotel rooftop. By this time, Yuto's finally caught on, and he just wants to have all the awkwardness out of the way because he's wanted this for so long now.

Ryosuke's got other plans, though. "Wait," he pauses, having nothing else to do or say. He ends up sitting on the bench beside Yuto. "I was gonna have dinner ready. And flowers. Like. On your birthday."

Yuto scrunches his nose. Adorable, Ryosuke's brain supplies. "It's really kind of not necessary, now. And I'm allergic to pollen, remember?"

Oh, right. "But I had a plan. You can't derail my plan, it's a really good one," Ryosuke appeals. "Also. It's the thought that counts. Totally."

"I kind of--liked you for a long time already, Yama-chan," Yuto says, and just, what the hell, he isn't supposed to be shy about this. Yuto's the most unreserved person Ryosuke knows. During tours, he literally takes off any and all clothing articles in dressing rooms without regard for everyone else staring at him, be it group members or staff. This is totally fact. So yes, that pensive smile and blush really just has no place in his being whatsoever and Ryosuke is floored.

He's not going to be awkward about this, and he has a lot to actually say, like 'well why didn't you say so instead of all those mixed signals' or 'is it entirely too fast if we skip the properly dating part and go ahead to doing less innocent things' or how Yuto actually looks nice, waiting for his reply and a little embarrassed. Ryosuke would like to know the list of things he needs to do to keep Yuto on his toes like this all the time. He'd probably not have enough space to fit that list in a piece of paper. Maybe he'd need a book.

"Yama-chan, uhm--" he stammers when Ryosuke suddenly holds his hand, the one that's silently tapping to a beat to ease Yuto's nerves except now he's stopped because--yeah, hand-holding. Right.

"We're going to be perfectly normal about this." Ryosuke clears his throat, tries to looks at Yuto. "I've liked you for a really long time, too. Like, a really, really long time. Okay?"

"Okay," Yuto answers slowly, like he can't comprehend that Ryosuke has been not-pining for him since he could fit inside a bag and had the confidence to demonstrate it on TV. "Okay. But. How long? And," he pauses, looks unsure, then continues, "uh, Shida-chan?"

Ryosuke raises an eyebrow. "She is?"

Yuto gestures with the hand Ryosuke isn't holding. "Aren't you...?" He cuts off, a little confused. Ryosuke looks confused, too. "Together? Chii said before, and that looked legit, and she's really cool. I like her a lot? But, obviously not how I like you. So."

"That's--" Ryosuke scratches at the back of his neck, "that's, well. She, uh. Likes you, too. Liked, actually. A lot. I was mostly just trying to set her up with other guys so she wouldn't get stuck on you."

"What."

Ryosuke makes a face. "Eh. I didn't want her to kick my ass once she found out why I was having her go on dates all the time. She packs a punch."

Yuto smiles, examining their joined hands. "Wow, you must like me a whole lot, huh? She's like, one of your best friends."

"She actually figured it out, you know," Ryosuke answers, but he's smiling, too. "She said she'd never let me live it down if I didn't do right with you."

Yuto laughs at that, and if Ryosuke could, he'd definitely want to freeze that moment as well.

"It's a good thing we've cleared things up, then, huh?" Yuto is saying, and Ryosuke thinks living in the now, always, just like this is an infinitely better option than just snapshots and frozen memories.

"It definitely is," Ryosuke answers, kissing Yuto, and everything feels right.

-

It's far too early to be awake, and he's tired, damn it, but Ryosuke's eyes squint open anyway to find a very naked back view of Yuto by the door, adorable blond bedhead and hickeys all over his nape and back. He's making not-so-hushed whispers to someone outside their hotel room.

"No, but--" Yuto's saying, and then he's being cut off by a thud and several grunts that sound suspiciously like Yuuya and Hikaru.

"So," and that's Keito, who for some reason decided of all days to not have an indoor voice this morning. "Can we take just a little peek?"

And while Ryosuke can't see the small flush work its way up Yuto's face, he can definitely see Yuto fidgeting with the blanket that's covering him from their other bandmates. Someone outside tugs on the blanket and--

"Hey--!" Yuto pulls, covering himself up. "Shhh. Don't, Ryo-chan's still sleeping."

"And naked," that's Chinen, who doesn't even hide his snort. It looks like he's still pulling at Yuto's blanket, if the distressed movements Yuto is making is to be judged. Ryosuke smiles a little. "Don't tire yourselves out too much, we have another show today."

Yuto continues to make unintelligible noises much to everyone else's amusement, and Ryosuke closes his eyes, content. "Just shoo, all of you," Yuto whines, closing the door in the face of Chinen's laughter.

Ryosuke can hear footsteps coming nearer, Yuto tiptoe-ing so he doesn't wake Ryosuke up. The bed dips when Yuto sits on his side of the bed, hands softly touching Ryosuke's hair.

"Can't even give us a little bit of privacy," Yuto's pouting, but his fingers are dancing on Ryosuke's forehead, the bridge of his nose, his cheeks and jaw. "I should at least get to keep this view to myself for a few more weeks, right?"

Then there's a press of lips against Ryosuke's chapped ones, and he smells a waft of mint. Yuto's been up for a while. Another kiss, still as chaste, but this time a bit longer.

"I've been awake for five minutes now," Ryosuke says when the kiss ends, eyes open and smiling, and he laughs when Yuto startles and falls off the bed in an embarrassed heap of surprise.

Today is going to be a good day.

The Limits (for rezarick)

yyexchangemod — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 14:23:02 GMT

Title: The Limits
Raiting: R (mild swearing, mild smut)
Genre: Angst
Word count: 8,395
Recipient: rezarick
Summary: Inoo knew Yamada and Yuto better than themselves.
Author's note: Courtney, I'm so sorry I didn't fulfill the psychological/creepy-esque part well, if at all! Gomen ~ But I hope you'll like the ending!

PART 1

On his first look at Yamada Ryosuke, Nakajima Yuto knew the guy was trouble.

As Yamada stood with his head bowed slightly downwards while the teacher introduced him to a (mostly unattentive) class, Yuto could not help but appreciate how his smooth skin seemed to glow in the aura of the sunlight streaming through the windows, or how his brown hair was perfectly mussed upon his head. How his nose curved slightly at the bridge. How his lips tinted in a pink color that belonged to commercials and billboards and posters. How his fingers tapered to a delicate end as he played with a loose thread on his pants.

Yuto did not have a camera with him that day, but he made sure to remember all the finest details: not just Yamada’s features, but also the clothes that he was wearing, for even the buttons on his uniform shone in a different way. The way the background behind him blurred away. The way tiny particles of dust reflected the sunlight, creating a halo around him.

To this day, Yuto could not forget it, the quiet that fell upon the class when the guy stepped into the room – or perhaps it was just Yuto’s own imagination blocking away all the sounds, making his ears refuse to function as his vision worked in overdrive, taking in the beauty of the person before him.

Not even when the signs of danger erupted around him, as Yamada glanced up (from his long eyelashes that surely must be a sin to have) and locked eyes with Yuto, and the look felt (Yuto was sure he did not “think” this, for it was so irrational that it must not have come from his conscious will) full to the brim with defiance. Uncontainable. Wild.

Trouble.

*****

“So? What did you think?” Keito asked, as Yuto handed him a DVD that he borrowed a few weeks ago.

“…”

“Yuto?” Keito hit his best friend’s shoulder. Once. Twice.

“Oh? That? Oh yeah, I really liked it! You know, I think I’ll actually buy a copy for myself. What is the name again? “500 Days of Summer”?”, Yuto more than made up for his previous silence with a rant of words (pronouncing Days as “Deisu”).

Before Keito could add any comments of his own, a yell from within the garage interrupted their conversation:

“Will you guys get in here so that we can start the rehearsal? Inoo-chan is not free all day, you know!”

“I’m not?” asked another voice, trying to be subtle but failing, his question travelling through the half-opened door to the pair standing outside of the garage.

“No he’s not! Keito! Yuto! Hurry, won’t you?” continued the first voice, as if he had not even heard what Inoo just said.

“We’re coming already, Hikaru!” Keito shouted back to the people inside. “Come on, Yuto,” he turned to his friend and signaled him to go in first.
On their entrance, the guy who had been shouting huffed audibly.

“Finally! I finished tuning my bass a million years ago!”

“I’m pretty sure I opened the door for Yuto less than 5 minutes ago,” replied Keito calmly, picking up his guitar and proceeding to check the connection to the amplifier.

“Well, when we say practice is at two o’clock, we mean practice is at two o’clock! Now, what will this band become if no members –“

“Can we just practice?” piped Inoo, looking bored from his position at the keyboard. “I had to wait for an even longer time, if that makes you feel better.”

Hikaru shot Inoo his trademark glare, but did not say anything else.

“Ready? Here we go! Cheesy Love Song Number 3, 3, 2, 1!”

The drum beat started, a reflex to the counts, and then staggered off.

“The song is called Keep You Here! Keep You Here!” Yuto shouted, but the other three pretended not to hear him and kept on playing. Yuto was sure Hikaru even turned the volume of his bass up. Jerk.

Keito looked at him; an amused smirk lingered on his lips. His fingers kept pressing the frets. Inoo was head-banging as if his life depended on it, which made him looked funny as he was bent over an electric organ (which was, admit it, not the most badass instrument in the world.)

Defeated, Yuto turned back to his drum set and started the beat, just in time for Hikaru to enter verse one:

I need to rest these tired eyes

Sleep all the days without you away

And dream I can turn back time

To the days I still see your face.

*****

Yuto threw his school bag on the floor and plopped on his bed. A sigh escaped him, and he was hoping that it would bring with it the sweltering annoyance in his chest, but to no avail.

It was not his fault that he kept writing what Hikaru called “Cheesy Love Song [insert number here]”. Isn’t that what Hikaru himself told him when he first encouraged the younger guy to start writing music? “Write from your heart.”

Well, it was definitely not his fault that his heart functioned like an overly sensitive teenager.

(And overly sensitive he actually was, so maybe it was his fault. He suddenly felt a bout of dizziness that was not usually associated with lying on the bed.)

He realized he was using that excuse again, an excuse so many times rejected by Hikaru (backed with a bored-but-very-sure-of-what-he-was-saying Inoo) because the older guy had said Yuto was just shifting the blame, and worse still he did not even have a target to shift the blame to.
At the word “target”, an image suddenly appeared in his minds’ eyes. Mussed brown hair, pink-tinted lips. Tapered fingers.

Yamada Ryosuke.

Yuto shot upright at the appearance of the name in his head. Could it be that his Cheesy Love Songs writing spree now had a muse with a face, what more, who sat right next to him in class? In fact, he was probably the first one Yamada talked to, when he lent the guy a pen after spotting Yamada looking awkwardly around the class.

“Thank you,” the guy had said, reaching for Yuto’s pen. Their eyes met for half a second – enough for Yuto to memorise their shapes and the way they sparkled – and then Yamada nodded, and turned quickly back to his assignment, his eyes once again covered beneath the tousled bang.

The next day, they were jamming to “Cheesy Love Song Number 10”, which went something like:

One look into your eyes and I know

You could be anything you want, anything you want

But if you just stay here with me

We’ll use these pens and create

A wonderful story just for us.

“Cheesy Love Song Number 14” (Baby you don’t need all these checking / I’m the one you’re meant to be with) was penned after Yuto caught Yamada staring at him in class. “Cheesy Love Song Number 23”, (I’m no artist / but if I can I want to / be the one able to paint your cheeks pink every time), when Yamada was all shy and blushing as he asked Yuto to help with his homework. “Cheesy Love Song Number 17” (But baby, baby, you are my light), when Yuto first saw Yamada smiled.

And the list went on. Hikaru, Inoo and Keito were already past getting annoyed at Yuto’s incessant Cheesy Love Song writing, and in true spirit of “If you can’t beat them, join them”, set up a betting game.

*****

“No fair,” Keito groaned as he dug in his wallet and pulled out a wad of money, which he gave to Inoo. “How the hell are we supposed to guess that “light” refers to a smile?”

“I agree. Does he mean that this girl’s teeth shine? As in, emit light?” added Hikaru, handing Inoo his money as well.

“Well, I think you both don’t have a romantic bone in your body. Unlike me.”, commented Inoo from the other side of the table. He held up the notes he had just won in front of his face and slowly shuffled through them, taunting the two losers by picking at imaginary folds every once in a while.

“He speaks like a person with experience! Pray tell us, Inoo-san, your romance escapades.” Hikaru spoke with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

Inoo remained unfazed. “You don’t need experience to be romantic. Look at Yuto! All Cheesy Love Songs asides, he still hasn’t got a girlfriend. Who is that girl, by the way?”

Both Hikaru and Inoo looked at Keito expectantly.

Keito shrugged. In class, Yuto was not close to anyone in particular. And as much as they pried, the youngest would not give them an answer.
After a while, they gave up trying to find the identity of the mysterious muse.

Yuto had no notice of all the betting and stalking and questioning that had occurred due to his Cheesy Love Songs. He kept sprawling out song after song after song, and after a while the other members just took it as something that should be. Yuto-and-his-Cheesy-Love-Songs.

After all, Yuto was single-handedly responsible for half of their repertoire, and despite teasing him every time he handed them something that went “Baby, baby, sweet darling” (which was everything he handed them), Hikaru, Inoo and Keito were secretly glad.

Especially after that time where Inoo dabbled in lyrics writing and thought “star” and “story” could be a good pun, Hikaru and Keito thought that for Yuto really was their best bet.

*****

Yuto slammed his foot hard down on the pedal of the school drum set. The beater hit the drum surface with a sound that thundered around the music room. Yuto closed his eyes and listened to the echoes surrounding him, feeling the waves rumbling through the sole of his feet and his entire body. It was curiously satisfying, as if all his displeasure had been channeled through that stomp and now dissipated across the room, getting smaller and smaller until it shrank into the vacuum between the air particles.

Hikaru had been late for practice yesterday, and while Inoo and Keito and Yuto were joking around about how the guy was a hypocrite and trying to find an apt punishment when he finally got there, a flustered Hikaru arrived in front of the garage door, looking like he had run all the way across the country. Behind him was Yamada Ryosuke.

“I found us a singer!” Hikaru had announced delightfully, and Keito managed to pull himself from the initial shock to pump his fist in the air in celebration. It was true; they were in desperate need of a singer. They had been alternating lead vocals for a while, but all of them soon found that they belonged to their respective instruments more.

Being the ever graceful house-host, Keito quickly pulled his guitar strap over his shoulder and stepped towards Yamada.

“Hey!” he shook the guy’s hand. “Thanks so much for coming! This is where we usually practice, but on a few days when my father needs the garage we also practice at Hikaru’s house. Come in, careful with the step…,” he guided Yamada through the tricky stairs at the entrance that went deeper than it looked.

Meanwhile Hikaru was ranting off to Inoo and Yuto.

“I needed to discuss something with my form teacher, so I had to stay back. When I passed your classroom –“, here he looked at Yuto, “I heard this amazing voice! And – “

“And you just barged in and pulled him here?” Inoo asked with a smirk, but hidden behind the sarcasm was definitely an enthusiastic tone.

“Well, I did explain to him what kind of music we play and stuff. And I also mentioned Keito and Yuto, so he actually knew some of us already…”
Yuto had already spaced out by this point, his attention focused on Yamada, who was looking around the basement in wonder. Yuto saw his eyes apprised the huge amplifier that Hikaru had insisted they bought, and then slid to Keito’s guitar collection that hung upon the wall. His lips opened slightly in the obvious form of the syllable “Wow”

Somehow that made Yuto want to kick something.

“Do you know how to play any instruments, Yamada?” Keito appeared at the entrance to the basement, bringing with him a glass of water, which he set on a small side table.

“Uhm, no,” Yamada gave a little shake of the head, then blushed. “You guys are so cool.”

“Not really, our songs pretty much suck,” said Inoo. Yuto snapped his head up from his drum set, suddenly afraid that Inoo was going to make a reference to his series of Cheesy Love Songs. He could deal with it any day, but not today.

Thankfully for once Hikaru shared the same concerns with Yuto. Before Inoo could continue, the older guy hit him hard on the forearm, while shooting him a glare that obviously said shut-up-because-I-just-found-us-a-vocalist-and-don’t-you-scare-him-away.

Sensing the awkwardness in the air, Keito picked up the conversation.

“Well, that’s Inoo, he played the keyboard -“ Inoo stopped rubbing the spot where Hikaru had hit him and, changing his faked grimace to an easy grin, waved at Yamada.

“You already knew Hikaru, he played the bass and mean tricks on you when you don’t look.”

“Hey!” Hikaru was half way back to his position when he heard.

Keito ignored the faces Hikaru was making towards him.

“And you already knew Yuto and me. I played the guitar, and Yuto played the drums.” Here Yuto felt obliged to wave at Yamada and mumbled “Hi.”

It was funny, how Yuto always stole glances at Yamada in class, hoping that the guy would talk to him. Or look at him, for that matter. Yet now when they were in a perfect situation for interaction, Yuto felt no urge to talk to Yamada. His stomach had seemingly been replaced by a dead weight that pulled and pulled him down, and he had to use all his willpower to stay upright on the stool. Cold sweat suddenly broke all over him, as if he was in some nightmarish dream. At that moment he wished for nothing but for time to go back and Hikaru had not heard Yamada’s voice.

Yuto’s annoyance grew as the rehearsal proceeded, where Yamada proved that Hikaru had not been wrong in judging his voice. He had not taken any formal lessons, but what he lacked in technique he made up in emotions. The lyrics as sung by Yamada were drenched in sweetness and bitterness and jealousy and heartbreak, states of mind that the guy easily injected in each song as the meaning required. He knew how to control his breath so that he could sound broken in one song and oozing of desire in another, knew how to control his enunciation to give a phrase a seductive drawl or a prolonged vowel an off-tune crack that hinted at fragility and hurt. He sculpted the songs they wrote into new musical pieces, bringing out qualities they did not even know it had. They played songs after songs after songs, Yamada’s vocals both enchanting them and spurring them on with the promise that he would bring something new into their compositions.

“That. Was. Amazing,” said Hikaru, as they – except for Keito – made their way out of the garage, breaking the silence that had gone on since they finished the last song. They had looked at each other, eyes glazed, their breaths heavy. Keito’s fingers were still gripping the fretboard so tightly that now that he had stopped playing, they were starting to shake. Yuto glanced down at his lap and was surprised to see his leg also involuntarily shaking, still poised over the drum pedal.

They did not speak a word as they packed their instruments, nor said goodbye as they left Keito’s house. (Keito himself was staring blankly into space, his guitar still hanging on his shoulder, and probably would not have registered their goodbye anyway.)

“Did you enjoy it? Please tell me you are going to be our vocalist,” said Inoo, always the practical one, as he turned to Yamada.

Yamada nodded and smiled. “I really enjoyed it. Do you practice every day? You guys are very good.”

“We usually practice every Monday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday,” replied Inoo. “But if you are busy on any day…” he quickly added.

“Ok. Same time?”

“Yup,” Inoo answered, hardly able to contain his excitement.

“Sure. I’ll come here next Saturday then. Oh, here’s my turn. Bye bye!” With that Yamada ducked into a small alley on the right that was barely visible.

Inoo waved until his figure disappeared behind a corner, then turned back – only to be greeted with an emotional and ranting Hikaru.
“Yes yes yes yes yes yes! Yes! Yes! This, I can tell you my friend, is the first step to our success! When people write about our band in the future, this will be the day that one whole chapter is dedicated to! This is it! This is it!”

“He really is amazing, isn’t he, Yuto?”, Inoo said as he struggled to disentangle his arm from a clingy Hikaru, who was still mouthing “yes yes yes yes yes” as they walked along the street.

“Of course he is.”

“Why are you so grumbly?”

“I’m not grumbly,” answered Yuto. He tried again, this time making a greater effort to exude excitement. “He is amazing.”

Inoo raised his eyebrow, but did not continue pressing the point.

Yuto could not put a finger on the exact nature of what was nagging him inside. He meant what he said, that of course Yamada’s singing voice was amazing. He knew, and he certainly did not need Hikaru to tell him that.

Cheesy Love Song Number 19

You are no angel

But you don’t need wings

Your voice soars higher than I can see

Don’t leave me, take me with you.

Yuto banged the drums, hard, trying to drown out the voices in his head. Admit it, you don’t like the thought of everyone knowing about Yamada’s voice, said one. Yuto hit the cymbal, stressing his response.

“No.”

Another quipped in, but you do, you do, you’ve always thought it was something that only you have, and no one should have access to.
“No.” He spoke again. A roll on the snare drum.

You possessive, obsessive person, you, came another. Yuto could imagine it wagging a finger in his face.

He launched into one of his drum solo and each accent sounded like a “NO” and he played until the beat count in his head became NO, 2, 3, 4, NO, 2, 3, 4, NO, 2, 3, 4, NO, 2, 3, 4, NO, 2, 3, 4, NO, 2, 3, 4, and then even the beats blurred together and he was surrounded by a chorus of NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO –

“YUTO-KUN!” The voice sounded a millimeter from his left ear, piercing through the dull wall of sound he had put up.

He started, his drum sticks paused in mid-air.

“Yamada? Sorry, I didn’t notice. I was – “

“Banging the drums so loudly that it could be heard from the opposite side of the school?”

“Usually nobody is around at this hour,” answered Yuto.

“Hey, I don’t mind,” Yamada raised both his hand in defense.

Their eyes met for a second, and the brown in Yamada’s made Yuto felt a tightening in his throat. It was as if somebody had turned up the temperature of the room by ten degrees, and Yuto suddenly became conscious of his own body, how his arms hung clumsily by the side, his legs positioning at an uncomfortable angle. He had the bizarre sensation of wanting to be more and yet wishing to take up less space at the same time.

“Uhm…” Yuto cleared his throat. “I should really get back to practice now.”

Yamada’s eyes widened, his lips rising to a half-smile. “Can I practice with you?” The guy twirled a strand of his bang, tucking it back to place. He batted his eyelashes, once. Then licked his lips, showing the smallest amount of tongue.

Really, this guy.

Yuto could feel his heart and his sanity going on overdrive and becoming undone, but he did nothing to salvage the pieces. Nor did he pay any attention to the small voice at the back of his head, warning him of a set up. A trap.

When he opened his mouth, it was a hoarse voice that was not his own.

“S-sure.”

Then he cleared his throat loudly, as if by doing so can undo the traitorous syllable his mouth had just uttered. He kept his eyes on the drums as he spoke, more to himself than to Yamada:

“How about Breaking the Limits?” – He nearly called it Cheesy Love Song Number 8, Hikaru was getting to him - “Here we go, 1, 2, 3, 4!”
He launched into his drum parts. Frankly, he had chosen this song only because his part was right at the start of the song. And it was loud enough too, and he had hoped to build up some sort of sound wall, a fort behind which he could hide from the figure of Yamada Ryosuke that was invading every nook of his thoughts, something loud enough to drown out all the voices in his head –

He felt a presence behind him, but the wall that he had built became the very restraints that he could not break in time to react, and before he could do anything, a pair of arms encircled his neck, and Yamada’s lips were on him.
His drumsticks dropped.

The fort had fallen, shattering around him pieces of bricks and glasses and peeled paint. Crash. Crash. Crash. Humphry Dumphry took a great fall. London Bridge is falling down. Fall. Fall. We all fall down.

Yamada’s kiss deepened, and Yuto’s mind became a mess of ecstatic white noise.

PART 2

Yuto thought Hikaru, Inoo and Keito took the news extremely well. They were even sensitive enough to not mention how the Cheesy Love Songs series must have stemmed from Yamada.

Not that Yamada did not know. Sometimes Yuto had the feeling that the guy knew more than he let on, and a month of being his “boyfriend” could not change how little he actually knew about what Yamada was thinking. Nor could two months. Three. Four. A year. A year and a month.
By Yuto’s last year at high school (a year and four months), their band had achieved some success. They played local gigs, at cafés, underground bars, park festivals. Put out a limited-edition CD (500 copies). Once they opened for an underground punk band.

Yuto could not help but think that most opportunities they got were due to Yamada. Over the summer holidays, Yamada took singing lessons, and now his emotive voice were supported by solid techniques that were like wings on which their songs soar and fly, reaching to the heart of anyone listening. Every time Yamada started singing, the audience would grow quiet, and behind his drums Yuto would feel his heart swell with pride. He wanted to scream at the audience: “That guy you are falling in love with, that’s my boyfriend, and only I can have him, and you can’t!”
The thing was, Yuto was not sure if he actually “have” Yamada or not. What was more obvious was that Yamada had him, owned him, every little part of him. After 2 weeks of dating, Yuto was sure Yamada was the most possessive person he had ever met. Yamada would purse his lips every time Yuto became friendly with someone he did not know. He tightened his hand holding Yuto’s whenever they passed by someone he felt threatened by – which was almost everyone they passed by on the street. Yuto maintained a distance from everyone, because one thing he could never bear is Yamada’s eyes swimming with tears. Yamada never showed his jealousy, but for Yuto a drooping of the corners of his mouth, a lost in the sparkle of his eyes was the worse punishment than any shouting or arguing. And at once his heart would be set on doing anything to make Yamada happy again, to bring his smiling and shining Yamada back.

Which was why Yuto was going to his boyfriend’s house at 9pm, while they had a test tomorrow. Thankfully his brother still owed him from the time Yuto covered for his coming home late, and agreed to return the favour this time.

He stood in front of Yamada’s house, huddled in his thick jacket, hesitant to press the doorbell. Now he suddenly felt very stupid. He had never met Yamada’s parents, and he was pretty sure going to their house at 9pm was a way to endear him to them. He was about to call Yamada when the chain unlocked and the door creaked open.

Yamada looked exhausted, his eyes puffy, his hair a complete mess. Yuto wanted to hug him, but felt it would not be appropriate, and exchanged the action of affection with an “Are you OK?” which he tried to make as caring as possible.

“Oh, yeah,” Yamada answered absent-mindedly. “Come in. My friend is here.” This last sentence he mumbled in the general direction of the hallway.

In response was just an angry, harsh shout, muffled by a door at the end of the hall. Then a sound that was very similar to someone banging his fist on the wall.

“My room is up here,” Yamada said, leading Yuto upstairs. “I wanted to ask you a few questions about tomorrow’s test.”

Yuto could not help but glance at the door. “Sure.”

Yamada’s room was a light pastel yellow, with windows framed in white looking out at a football field, which must have been the stage for some exciting games during the day, but at night it looked hauntingly deserted. The room was small, but extremely neat, except for a pile of notes and textbooks scattered in the middle of the room.

“Here,” Yamada plopped down on a cushion near the pile of notes, and pulled out a piece of paper. “I could never seem to get this one right.”
Just then, a sound of glass hitting a hard surface and breaking rang through the room.

Yamada kept a straight face, “I thought at first, it was like this, but then it was not correct. Then I thought it was like this, but it was not either – “
His sentence was cut short by a second, even longer crash. Yuto was pretty sure an entire collection of china must have been destroyed. He did not know what to do.

Yamada closed his eyes, battling the emotions trying to surface.

And was cut short, once again, by shouting, now penetrating through the thickness of the walls, reaching them:

“Then let’s take it to court! See who they would give Ryosuke too!”

“Obviously me, who had taken care of him ever since he was born, when you went off with … with … whoever!”

“Oh, and you took such good care of him too huh! The boy was in therapy while you were off with – “

“Shut up! You liar! At least I was trying to support a family!”

At this point Yamada reached over and grabbed a remote. He pressed a button, and the stereo started playing a loud, noisy rock song. Yamada pushed the volume to the max.

“Never mind them. They’ve been at it for a while.”

“I don’t think I should be here.”

“No! Don’t leave!” For the first time in his life he heard panic in Yamada Ryosuke’s voice. It struck a chord in him, to hear his Yamada, who always had it together, sound so broken.

“Well, surely we could not study anymore,” he attempted a joke to lighten the mood, which he found inappropriate the very moment it escaped his mouth.

Fortunately Yamada seemed to enjoy the humour. “Yup”, the older guy said, clearing the notes off the table. Then Yamada scooted over to Yuto’s side, leaning his head on Yuto’s shoulder. Yuto circled his arm around Yamada. They sat there in silence, listening to the stereo. The singer screamed:

Three words from you

That will decide my fate

Whether I live or die

Angel, you hold the gate.

Suddenly, Yuto was all too aware of how Yamada was breathing against his neck. His arm instinctively tightened around the older guy’s shoulder.

Then it all happened too fast, and they were entangled with kisses and touches in places that only belonged to each other. Their hands could not get enough of each other’s body, their lips not enough of each other’s skin. In their ears rang only love moans, the sound from the stereo turned down to a muffle to match the shouting behind the door.

And then they could feel themselves sinking under, feel all that used to exist in their world disappear, until they themselves disappeared as well, their whole body melting, melting into a jumble of lips and fingers and hands.

In a rare flutter of awareness, Yuto found himself pinned down on the futon by Yamada. He had tried to roll over, but Yamada pushed him further down.

“Please,” the older boy whispered. “Let me.” His lips were red, puffy, his eyes half-closed.

And Yuto allowed himself to be pulled under again, losing himself in the chaos of emotions Yamada was making him feel. But not before he reached for Yamada’s wrist, and felt secured in the sensation that their heart were beating in the same time.

*****

The beginning of the end started as soon as they finished their final exam papers, and Inoo was the first to notice it.

“This is not OK,” he had said, cornering Yuto after one practice. Hikaru and Keito stood quiet by his side, and it was from this that Yuto had an inkling of how serious the situation must be.

“What?” Yuto asked, for he really did not know.

“You and Yamada, and whatever you guys have between you.”

“Don’t say this is about the rule where band members don’t date. Haven’t we proved that that did not apply to us? It’s been more than a year, Inoo,” defended Yuto.

“Your drumming’s been off these days,” Hikaru spoke up from the side.

“It’s not – “

“The beat, the rhythm, all wrong. And you know it, don’t lie,” Hikaru accused. “You know you’re struggling to just feel it. I see it in your face. What kind of drummer fumbles with his own drumsticks?” His voice broke, sounding close to tears, his eyes staring resolutely at a spot on the floor, as if determined not to look at Yuto.

“Hika-“ Yuto started, alarmed.

“Look, Yuto. I’m not going to stand there and look on as you two destroy each other and poison this band,” said Inoo.

Yuto stared at him incredulously. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you have to bring him into this? This has nothing to do with Yamada!”

“Cheesy Love Song Number 33

I love everything about you,

But the thing I love the most,

Is how everything seems possible,

And how my life starts with you.” Keito quoted.

Yuto met eyes with his best friend and they both understood exactly what the other was thinking.

“That film did not end well, didn’t it?” Keito mumbled, not as a challenge, but more as a … sign of regret? Defeat? Acceptance?

“It’s different! It’s not like – like I’m obsessed with him or anything –” Yuto defended weakly.

“Well, excuse me when I beg to differ!” exploded Hikaru. “Have you seen your songs lately? Then you drop your drumsticks, you get distracted every time he starts singing, you screwed practice because he did not want to go, you even refuse to let him meet fans, you – “

“Hey, that guy was eyeing him weirdly!” Yuto slipped into his easy grin, hoping that the conversation would turn into some joking around, which he could handle.

“Maybe you should take a break from the band a little while,” Inoo said, and the words pierced through Yuto’s heart, more painful than all the accusations he had heard from his friends.

“There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“We all have problems which are best dealt with on our own.”

A pause. The tension rising was almost palpable. Yuto suddenly felt his head clear and calm, as if somebody had blown a bubble up around him, separating him from the rest of the world. And then…

“Fine. Fine. How about we make it not a break, shall we?” Yuto pushed himself from the wall on which he had been leaning, and walked to where he had laid his stuff. He was determined not to meet Keito’s eyes.

“I. QUIT!” With that he swung his backpack upon his back, and walked straight out the door.

He had wanted them to chase after him, taking back all the hurtful words they had thrown his way. But no such luck, and Yuto dragged his feet all alone back to his house, where he promptly threw himself on the bed, feeling as if his insides had been ripped out from him.

*****

The only comfort for Yuto was that Yamada, upon hearing his quitting, decided to quit the band as well. They met up for coffee the next day. Yuto did not know whether to apologise to Yamada or thank him. He decided to settle on an “I’m sorry,” to which Yamada said “My own decision.” Then they sipped their drinks and remained quiet.

Before coming, Yuto had mustered all the confidence he had to be prepared to ask Yamada about their former bandmates’ accusation of how he was obsessed with the older guy (to which he still maintained that he was not.) But now, faced with Yamada himself, he found his willpower to clear the doubts fading with every second.

Yamada was just too beautiful. Yuto loved how his bangs touched the corner of his right eye, and every time he turned sharply the hair would be fly a bit away from its position. He loved how Yamada would fuss around with it afterwards, placing it back to the same place. He loved how Yamada’s nose crinkled as he took the first sip of his coffee. He loved his hands, thin and tapered, encircling the cup, loved how his neck strained to look out of the window. He loved how Yamada had an aura around him that lighted up his surroundings wherever he went.

Yamada suddenly turned towards him.

“Actually, I – I have an audition.”

“What?” Yuto snapped out of his trance. “Sorry, I was zoning out.”

Yamada did not seem annoyed by it at all. In fact, he was even more embarrassed. His cheeks reddened, and he played with his sleeves. Cute, thought Yuto.

“The last gig we played, some scout from an agency approached me. Said I could get signed, asked me to go to an audition.”

“That’s – that’s great!” Yuto let out a gasp. “When is it?”

“But it’s only for me, he made it clear enough! And it doesn’t feel right if I go on stage without you guys!” Yamada protested.

“Well it wouldn’t feel right if you pass up this chance. It’s our dream, right? The ultimate dream. Though right now I can’t say I can speak on behalf of the other three.” This last part he added bitterly.

Yamada did not continue the conversation, and they fell silent again.

After a while, Yamada said: “We’ll audition together. I’m not singing without you. We’ll audition as a duo.”

Yamada’s eyes said “And I won’t take no for an answer,” but Yuto never meant to say no from the start. He had never been able to do so when it came to Yamada, ever since the time the guy found him in the music room at school and kissed him into his world.

*****

It was weird rehearsing without Hikaru, Inoo and Keito, but they managed to work something out. Yamada had picked up how to play the guitar from Keito, and while it was not the full on pop rock band that they were used to due to the lack of Hikaru’s bass, Yuto hoped Yamada’s voice would make up for what was missing. Two days before the scheduled audition, they had managed to compile a decent repertoire, consisting mostly of Yuto’s old songs. They had wanted to do original songs, but only could finish a ballad number that Yamada wrote the lyrics for. Yuto had already prepared a plan to convince the producers (if they auditioned successfully, and could to put out an album) to wait for them to finish more original songs. The last thing he wanted was a clash of the legal type with his old friends.

It turned out that Yuto had been worrying in vain, because a week after the audition, a letter came from the agency. Yamada brought it to Yuto when they met at their usual café: only the older guy had been chosen.

Yuto scanned through the letter, then glanced up at Yamada. He could read nothing from his blank face.

Yuto folded the letter back into the envelope and thrusted it back into Yamada’s hand. He stood up.

“Please tell me you’re going to accept the offer.”

Yamada looked up at him, but said nothing. Yuto tried to search for some signs in his brown eyes that could be used as indications of what he was thinking, but as usual they were clouded in mystery.

“I really have to get back. I got a few furniture deliveries coming this afternoon.”

*****

Yuto was woken up in the middle of the night by a knock on the door.

At first, he thought he was dreaming. He had just moved out to be closer to his university, and had not told a lot of people about this address yet. If it was house-warming guests, then they sure had a very bizarre sense of humour, as it was less than 4 minutes to midnight.

The knocking continued incessantly. Yuto raised himself from the futon, called out a sleepy “coming”, then looked through the peephole.

He unlocked the door quickly.

“I’m not signing with them,” said Yamada immediately when he saw Yuto.

“It’s 12 in the morning.”

“I’m not signing with them.” Yamada repeated, then pushed the suitcase behind him forward. “Can I stay here with you? I’m moving out.”
Speechless, Yuto could do nothing but open the door wider for the older guy to enter.

After Yamada had put down his things at a corner of the room, they settled on Yuto’s futon, Yamada’s head resting on Yuto’s outstretched arm in lieu of a pillow.

“I’m not signing with them,” repeated Yamada for the 3^rd time. He touched Yuto’s face. “I’m not.”

“I know,” answered Yuto. “Why?” Yuto added after some thoughts.

When Yamada did not answer, Yuto glanced down to find the older guy having fallen asleep, snuggling closer to him. Yuto stroked his hair gently.

“You can’t just barge into somebody’s house and tell them you’re staying, Yama-chan.”

*****

If anything, Yamada was resourceful. By the third week of them staying together, he had set them up for a small performance at an underground bar. For a while, Yuto thought they were slipping back to their old routines: School in the morning (Yuto had insisted that Yamada attend a college), gigs at night. Far from being bored, Yuto liked every day of it – especially because it allowed them to always be together, and he liked that.

Except when they had fights, such as the time Yamada had insisted that they stayed back at the bar they were playing.

“We have nothing to do here!” Yuto had shouted in the back room.

“We can mingle with the audience! Perhaps some of them have a job offer for us!” Yamada had shouted back.

“Job offer my a--! Have you seen how some of them look at you? We’re leaving,” Yuto answered, trying to be as resolute as he could.

Yamada huffed, but Yuto won this time.

*****

The longer they stayed together, the less Yuto wanted Yamada to get out of his sight. It was as if he was afraid that Yamada would change the moment somebody else laid eyes on him. Yuto had insisted that Yamada wait until he came to pick him up at the university every day. Refused his meetings with adoring fans. He slammed the door into the face of a guy who claimed to be Yamada’s classmate, giving the reason that he looked too shifty.

They made love on every surface possible in the house.

Once Yuto woke up with his vision all groggy and unfocused. He tried to lift his arms to get out of the futon. No use.

Through his bleary eyes he could make out Yamada’s figure at the door, talking to someone.

“I think Yuto caught a cold today, sorry he couldn’t come to the class meeting with you.”

“Who was that?”, Yuto slurred – he had not meant to, it was the effect of his condition – when Yamada had closed the door.

“Your classmate, I think.”

“Damn – I’m supposed to go to the class meeting!”, Yuto tried to raise himself up again, but were forced down – this time not only by the exhaustion that was running through his body, but also by Yamada.

“No you don’t,” the older boy said, pushing his lips onto Yuto’s, straddling his body. As Yamada’s hand explored the stretch of skin beneath his shirt and started moving lower, Yuto found himself caring less and less about the class meeting. The only thing he cared about was Yamada pressing on him, Yamada moaning his name, and him swallowing the sounds that Yamada’s lips were making, fumbling, hasty, greedy, like they had never done this a million times before.

It became part of their routine, how they tried to dominate each other, keeping each other in check. School in the morning, gigs at night. Power games consuming them both

Soon Yuto learned how to control Yamada with his lips (a peck on the older guy’s lips, then moving down to his neck, sucking and nibbling, never arriving at his lips again) and his hands (one at the small of his back, the other, the right pressure, speed) and his entire body (the exact way to make the older guy collapsed into a moaning hot mess).

Yuto could not go to his family reunion, tied to his chair as Yamada smothered him in kisses and touches.

Yamada missing an appointment, held back by a Yuto who was determined to make him explode.

Again and again, they were locked in a struggle, both of them wanting to win, neither willing to give up.

PART 3

Just as he did not know when his obsession with Yamada began, Yuto did know when it ended, either.

Correction: he knew when it ended, just not how.

They had been watching one of Yamada’s favorite movies, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” Yamada had fallen asleep on his lap.
And suddenly Yuto realized the craziness of their situation.

The human mind worked in curious ways: he realized it not when Inoo warned him, not during one of those sessions where they tried to overpower each other, but at a time where nothing could hint at how fucked up their relationship was.

Yamada sleeping on his lap, they were watching a movie: Isn’t that the image of a perfect couple? It had nothing to do with their power plays, their mind games, their domination tactics that had poisoned their lives.

Yet Yuto’s mind had decided at that very moment to make sense of his life and how messed up it had been ever since it was entangled with Yamada’s.

How messed up both their lives had been entangled with each other.

We all had problems better dealt with on our own. Inoo was right. But that sentence also meant: “Don’t assign others yours.”

Don’t assign others yours.

Yuto carefully slid out from underneath Yamada, replacing his lap with a pillow. He wanted to cry, but when he found no tears were forthcoming, simply sighed and walked to his study desk. He pulled out a piece of paper and pen, and scribbled a note.

As he wrote, he waited for tears, but still no. His dry face reflected in the window looked at him mockingly.

After placing the note on the dining table, where Yamada would surely see it when he woke up, Yuto picked up his backpack, and gently opened the door. He was greeted by a breeze of night air.

He turned to look at Yamada once again, and upon seeing his angelic face, felt the curious sensation of being both light and heavy at the same time. Yuto was almost tempted to enter the house again, tore up the note, and lay next to Yamada until morning came.

But he shoved his sadness to a corner of his mind, and walked on, trudging down the stairs and away from Yamada Ryosuke.

*****

JEIANEI, INC. TO DEBUT NEW IDOL THIS MAY: YAMADA RYOSUKE!!!

THE FIRST JEIANEI ARTIST TO DEBUT WITHOUT A TRAINING PERIOD!

Yamada Ryosuke, 18, is becoming the talk of the entertainment industry as the first Jeianei, Inc. idol to debut immediately upon entering the agency.

Jeianei, Inc., the agency behind some of the most famous idol acts, has always maintained a tradition of a compulsory training period for new artists, in order for them to secure a fan base even before their debut. Yet with the unexpected announcement of a new idol debut this May, Jeianei, Inc. is going against the tradition. Is this too risky?

Takizawa Hideaki, a representative from Jeianei, and a former Jeianei idol himself, answered:

“We believe that Yamada-san will succeed. He is a special case – although he had not had any training with us, he had worked with a band and performed in underground venues before. His experience and skills on stage require little further training, and I have no doubt that he will manage to capture fans’ hearts. The fact that he writes his own songs would also be a great selling point.”

Yamada Ryosuke-san’s debut mini-album, The Limits, hits the store on May 23^rd. The tracklist is as follow:

The Limits

My Life Starts With You

Keep On! Keep On!

Stop Playing (You and Me)

[Bonus Track] Thirteen Hours and Twenty-nine Minutes

*****

IDOL SENSATION YAMADA RYOSUKE QUITS!

After hitting gold with his debut mini-album, The Limits, which spawned popular singles The Limits (peaking at #3) and Stop Playing (You and Me) (peaking at #2), Yamada Ryosuke has been reported to terminate his contract with his agency, Jeianei, Inc.

In a press conference this morning, a Jeianei representative explains:

“It was a peacefully negotiated termination. Yamada-san has private businesses to attend to, and could no longer focus on his work as an idol.”
To allegations that the former idol had gotten too quick a step to fame and engaged in behaviors that breached the contract, the representative says:

“We can assure you that there is no such thing. Yamada-san is responsible, both in his idol work as well as in his private life. We hope that you will respect his desire for privacy.”

Yamada-san is not available for comments.

*****

4 years later

Yuto stepped out of his office, his hand pulling his collar away from his neck to alleviate the strain. It was summer, and he would have gone straight back home and turn on the air-con to escape the heat, but today he wanted to visit the local music shop first.

He did not have to look long to find what he wanted, consider how he was almost hit in the face by a huge banner: “T-OY’s album out today!”
“T-OY” – he had never stopped feeling amused at the name. Probably an idea from Hikaru.

They looked to be having the time of their lives on the cover: Hikaru, Inoo, Keito, and the new vocalist, Takaki Yuya, who they recruited some time after Yuto and Yamada left. 2 years ago they were finally signed to a record label, and from then on it was history. They sold out concert venues after concert venues, rocketing to stardom, even representing the country in international awards.

Yuto heard there were even plans for a commemorative comprehensive biography next year, on their 5^th anniversary.

As he queued to pay for the album, his eyes were attracted to a drum kit behind a window showcase. It was almost the same as the one he used to play.

He allowed himself to flirt with the idea of applying to be T-OY’s drummer – they did not have a permanent drummer, opting to hire a new one each tour – for a while, then shook his head out of such fantasy. He had not played for more than 4 years. Music for him now only existed in the pre-packaged, pre-mixed form, in CDs and DVDs and YouTube videos.

Yuto exited the shop, walked to the intersection and waited for the green light.

Isn’t that - ? He could not believe his eyes at first.

But it really looked like him, and Yuto was so used to the silhouette that it was unlikely that he made the wrong judgment. Mussed brown hair, smooth skin, tinted lips. His mind slowly ticked off the checklist. Nose curved slightly at the bridge, checked.

The aura that diminished everything surrounding him, checked.

He looked good (like he had always done), despite the suit and tie outfit Yuto would never have expected Yamada to wear.

Is this a sign? T-OY’s album, the drum kit, now him?

The green light had turned on, and the guy turned to cross the road from the opposite side of Yuto.

Yuto heaved his suitcase, and made a U-turn. He would take another bus back home.

Smell Fetish (for turtleheartz)

yyexchangemod — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 14:06:03 GMT

Title: Small Fetish
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Fluff
Word count: 2,573
Recipient: turtleheartz
Summary: Ryosuke's attempt to confess to his crush who has a smell fetish with the interruption of his senpai and his own over jealous nature.
Author's note: I'm not sure if it is any good but hope you like it :)

"Ew Yuya! Get that away from me!" Yuto frowned as he pinched his nose while swatting Yuya's incoming hand away.

"Why? It smells nice, doesn't it?" The tanned boy grinned as his eyes twinkled with mischievousness.

"No, it doesn’t." Yuto rolled his eyes before continuing, "You don't smell nice at all so go away." The taller boy stuck his tongue out before turning on his back to walk to the couch when he felt a weight on his back.

"You're so mean Yuto!" Yuya whined as he attacked the poor boy with wiggly fingers, tickling the sides of Yuto mercilessly.

"St-stop!" Yuto laughed out breathlessly as he tried to struggle from Yuya's grasp. The older boy was having fun teasing Yuto until the lanky boy accidentally stumbled onto the group's youngest member.

"Hey! Watch it!" Ryutaro snapped as the two boys caused him to died terribly in his game. The two boys apologized to the younger but more mature boy sheepishly as they watched Ryutaro move to sit beside Ryosuke.

"Stop staring at them and just confess to him already." Ryutaro muttered as he started a new game, his eyes darting around warily for any incoming objects or humans.

"I can't." Ryosuke sighed as he pulled his shirt up and sniffed it.

"Yuto has a fetish for smell and you can tell that he is close with people that have smells that he likes." Ryosuke brought his legs up close to his chest and rested his head on it.

"You mean fetish for weird smells." Ryutaro snorted, earning a glare from the lover boy.

"What? Are you telling me that liking a watermelon-banana smell is not weird?" The younger boy asked even though he knows that he won't get an answer since Ryosuke have enough common sense to know that watermelon-banana is definitely a weird smell to like or appreciate.

"Besides," Ryutaro paused as his game as he inched closer towards Ryosuke, bringing his nose close to the chubby boy's neck and sniffing it, "you definitely smell weird enough for his liking." Ryutaro chuckled as Ryosuke chugged his middle finger up in front of the younger boy's face, not knowing whether or not to take it as a compliment or insult though he knows that Ryutaro probably meant the latter one.

"You-" Ryosuke was about to spit out some intelligent remark when he heard a loud burst of laughter and turned his head only to see the older boy tackling his crush on the floor, his hands roaming around freely on Yuto's stomach and waist.

"...that Bakaki...!" Ryosuke growled under his breath as he squeezed the plushie he was holding until it was unrecognizable. The youngest boy gulped silently as he looked at the deformed soft toy, sympathizing it.

"I'm definitely going to make Yuto fall for me." Ryosuke said as his eyes burned with determination. The chubby boy got up from where he was sitting and was about to take a step towards Yuto when he turn on his heels and went back to beside Ryutaro. The younger boy frowned and was about to ask why when he saw Jin and Kame walking into the room and towards Yuto.

"Oi Yuto." Jin called out as he glared at Kame. Yuya stopped his attack on the lanky boy as Yuto pushed him away, standing up to greet his senpai.

"Yes?" Yuto blinked a few times as he adjust his attire.

"Kame said that I smell like rose candy and I told him I don't since I actually use some manly perfume," Jin said proudly with his chest out as if it was something that deserve praises, "but he refused to believe me and I want you to smell me and prove him wrong." The older KAT-TUN member said as he leaned towards Yuto, letting him smell.

Ryosuke on one hand was glad that his senpai stopped Yuya from tackling his beloved Yuto even though it wasn't on purpose but was slightly irritated at them for interrupting his moment to get Yuto to fall for him. He watched as Yuto tilt his head and sniffing Jin's neck, wishing that the younger boy would do that to him too.

"You don't smell like rose candy at all." Yuto scrunched his nose up weirdly. The lanky boy took a few steps back and scanned the room for a moment before running to grab Ryosuke's hand and bringing him to their senpai.

"Yama-chan is the one that smells like rose candy." Yuto smiled happily as he sniffed the older's neck, confirming it.

"Hah! I told you I don't smell like rose candy!" Jin laughed triumphantly as Kame pouted. Now he will have to do anything Jin says and that sucks so much. The two boys left the room and Ryosuke turned to the younger boy.

"How do you know that I smelled like rose candy?" The strawberry lover asked. People would normally think that Ryosuke uses perfume that has the smell of strawberry since he practically love strawberries to bits but how would Yuto know about him using perfume with a rose candy smell? Unless the younger boy....

"Stalk me?" Ryosuke muttered the last part out.

"Did you stalk me?"

Yuto blinked a few times before letting out a small "Eh". He opened his mouth to speak when the door opened once more and Ninomiya came in, taking Yuto's attention away from Ryosuke.

"Smell me." Ninomiya ordered as he tilted his head to one side in order to give Yuto free access to his neck.

"Huh?" Yuto frowned and was about to ask for explanation when Ryosuke burst out loudly, scaring the hell out of Ryutaro whom was starting on a new game.

"Ninomiya-kun! Can you go bother Ohno-kun instead?!" Ryosuke shouted at the innocent senpai and opened the door for him, shooing him out. Ryutaro once again thought about how scary the chubby boy was and apologized to Ninomiya silently inside his heart.

"So? How do you know that I smell like rose candy? Are you a stalker?" Ryosuke narrowed his eyes as he demanded answers from the younger boy.

"Obviously not! I'm not a stalker like Yuya!" Yuto retorted as the tanned boy cried out indignantly, throwing some nonsensical remarks all over the place.

"Then how do you know?" Ryosuke frowned confusedly.

"Yama-chan, you do know that your perfume is just in your bag and all the members have actually seen you using your perfume before so we all know the smell and brand of your perfume right?" Yuto said in a matter-of-fact tone. The older boy blink once, twice as the memories of the members asking about his perfume flew back into his mind and blushed. His slapped his own forehead for being so forgetful and cursed under his breath.

"Then...do you like my smell?" Ryosuke asked as he wrapped his hands around Yuto's waist. The chubby boy brought his right hand slightly down and grope Yuto's butt, earning a yelp from the younger boy.

"I-I do." Yuto nodded his head frantically, feeling super embarrassed right now.

"Then...do you like me?" Ryosuke grinned, slapping Yuto's ass happily. The lanky boy bit his lips as all the blood rush up to his face but nodded nonetheless. Ryosuke cheered happily as he buried his face on Yuto's chest, muttering along the lines of "I love you and your ass so much" while Yuto just rested his head on Ryosuke's one, whispering about his hidden love for Ryosuke and also about how nice he smells.

"One more thing." Ryosuke pulled away from Yuto and signaled for Ryutaro to get out of the room in which the younger boy did while pulling Yuya along.

"You are mine and only mine so don't go letting other people touch you." Ryosuke warned with narrowed eyes.

"But I don't let people touch me?" Yuto tilted his head to the side cluelessly. Ryosuke would have pounced on the boy upon seeing his face right now if only it wasn't about such a sensitive topic. To him, that is.

"You totally do!" Ryosuke crossed his arms irritatedly. "You just let Yuya molested you all over your body!" The chubby boy grumbled.

"That..." Yuto gulped down his saliva, having nothing to say.

"I won't let him touch me next time then." Yuto assured the older boy as he leaned in to kiss him on the lips.

"You better not." Ryosuke muttered, feeling his face burn. The older boy was about to continue when he heard the door opened and turned his head to see who had interrupted his precious moment and immediately snapped when he saw Ninomiya back in the room again.

“What are you doing here again, Ninomiya-kun?” Ryosuke grumbled loudly as he stood in front of Yuto possessively. He knows that the Arashi member probably came to ask for Yuto to smell him due to whatever reason he has but no way is Ryosuke going to allow that.

“Just let me borrow jump-kun for a little while.” Ninomiya pleaded, using the nickname he gave Yuto when they were acting together the previous time.

“What do you need Yuto for?” Ryosuke narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “And don’t call him jump-kun anymore!”

“I just need him to smell me to see if there is any weird smell on me.” Ninomiya said in a small voice, not wanting anybody to accidentally overhear him. Both Yuto and Ryosuke frowned at this. What weird smell could possibly be on the older boy anyway?

“You better not do anything funny.” Ryosuke warned, not sure where he got the courage from to actually speak to his senpai rudely. Not that he cares though since anybody that interrupts his moment is an enemy in his eyes.

The lanky boy walked over to Ninomiya and started sniffing him, trying to detect the ‘weird’ smell and when he did, he quickly turned away and covered his face, trying to hide his blush. The Arashi member could tell what it was that Yuto had smelled and thanked the boy before leaving the room while Ryosuke looked at the closed door in confusion.

“What did you smelled? Why are you blushing?” Ryosuke poked the younger’s side, making him yelped out cutely.

“N-nothing.”

“Liar. How could it be nothing when you are blushing this badly?” Ryosuke reasoned.

“Or did you fell for his smell?! Tell me that you didn’t!” The chubby boy grabbed Yuto’s shoulder and shook him violently, afraid that the younger boy had a change of heart.

“I-it’s not! Stop shaking me!” Yuto groaned as he swatted Ryosuke’s hands away while clutching his head, trying to stabilize himself.

“Then tell me what you smelled on him!” Ryosuke demanded. This made Yuto go through one more round of blushing which made Ryosuke even more curious.

“It’s just…”

“Just?”

“Ninomiya-kun…”

“Ninomiya-kun?”

“He smelled like he just had…”

“Had what?!” Ryosuke almost burst out, getting impatient with Yuto’s slow answer.

“He smelled like he just had sex.” Yuto whispered, barely audible.

“…Isn’t that normal?” The older boy said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“How is it normal?!” Yuto shrieked as he palmed his face.

“Don’t forget that he has a perverted boyfriend.” Ryosuke rolled his eyes, referring to Ohno.

"And besides, ignoring the issue about Ninomiya-kun, there is a punishment for letting Yuya touch you." Ryosuke said as he cornered Yuto. The younger boy didn't need to hear from Ryosuke to know what the older boy wants but is still somewhat distracted with Ninomiya’s smell.

“I’ll take the punishment,” Yuto nodded his head dazedly and saw Ryosuke beamed at him.

“But I’ll take it tonight.” At this, Ryosuke’s expression fell and a pout replaced the wide smile he had.

“But I want you right now!” The older boy whined.

“I have to go for work now. I’ll wait for you tonight.” Yuto winked and gave one last peck on Ryosuke’s lips before leaving the room, off to finding Ninomiya to clarify the smell and ask for tips if he was right about the ‘weird’ smell. Ryosuke continued pouting and started thinking of ways to make Yuto suffer in bed tonight for leaving him alone and started laughing wickedly to himself as ideas keep popping out inside his head, each getting from bad to worse.

“That’s what he get for making me jealous~” Ryosuke sang as he grabbed his bag and left for a particular shop, getting ready for tonight’s event.

--------

Omake :

"Gahahaha! St-stop!" Yuto laughed out as Yuya kept touching his nose.

"So it really is sensitive!" Ryutaro exclaimed out as he walked in the room and saw what the baka duo were doing.

"What do you mean by that?" Yuto asked as he finally stopped laughing and had already kicked Yuya away to a corner.

"I was thinking about your smell fetish and wondered if your nose was actually sensitive and it turned out to be true." Ryutaro explained as he went to sit beside Yuto, staring at the older's nose, itching to touch and experiment with it.

"No way, Ryu. No way." Yuto shook his head, scooting away from the younger boy after he saw that glint in his eyes. Forgetting that Yuya was behind him, Yuto got trapped by the tanned boy in a tight embrace.

"Hurry up Ryutaro!" Yuya yelled out childishly as Ryutaro climbed slowly to his prey, raising his hand to touch Yuto's nose when a loud bang was heard.

"Oh Yama-chan you came! Do you want to play too?" Yuya asked stupidly, not able to tell the burning jealousy in the younger's eyes. Knowing the look in Ryosuke's eyes, Ryutaro stood up immediately and dragged the older boy out once again, ignoring his protest.

Yuto gulped audibly as he averts his eyes from the incoming Ryosuke, somehow able to guess what the older boy is thinking. "Y-Yama-chan, I n-need to go home now."

"You're not going anywhere Yuto."

"B-but I didn't do anything! I didn't let Yuya touch me!" Yuto tried to explain as he thoughts flew back to few days ago where Ryosuke have him his 'punishment'. It was pleasurable to an extent, but Yuto ended up not being able to go for work for days.

"I saw him hugging you. And Ryutaro almost joined in if I didn't come in time." Ryosuke mumbled, full of jealousy and hatred towards the tanned boy.

“I swear we didn’t do anything.” Yuto looked at Ryosuke with his puppy eyes but as expected, it won’t work on the jealous Ryosuke.

“Prepare yourself for tonight.” Ryosuke stick his tongue out at Yuto then walked away. The older boy knew that Yuto did not do anything wrong but still uses it as an excuse to get what he want since he just love Yuto so much.

Yuto on the other hand just sighed, wondering why he even fell in love with that huge pervert and made a mental note to begged Ryosuke not to do him so hard since he still have work tomorrow. Who would have actually thought that the first two times of the new couple having sex would have been because of such reasons and that Ryosuke is actually the one topping on both occasion.

It's 3am, we must be lonely (for katieisperalda)

yyexchangemod — Sun, 14 Sep 2014 13:21:54 GMT

Title: It’s 3am, we must be lonely
Rating: PG
Genre: Slice of life, romance, fluff, modern setting AU
Word Count: 8766 words
Recipient: katieisperelda
Summary: Yuto thinks he knows why Chinen suddenly takes on a new housemate, but eventually he discovers that he doesn’t really mind.
Author’s note: Thanks to M who took it upon herself to act as my makeshift muse when my own was nowhere in sight, my other hand holders, and my lovely beta. Title adapted from a line in Matchbox Twenty’s song, 3am. Dear katieisperalda, I really hope you enjoy this!

“So I have a housemate now,” Chinen says through a mouthful of grilled meat, right in the middle of their conversation about full body umbrellas as though it’s the next logical stage in the topic’s development.

There was once a time Yuto would have been thrown off balance by this sudden change in direction, but he’s so used to Chinen’s quirks by now that he doesn’t even blink. There’ll be plenty of other times to talk about the advantages of a bubble of clear plastic covering your entire body, anyway. “Oh?” he prompts.

Chinen nods and shrugs. He holds his plate out and Yuto drops more meat onto it. “I almost didn’t take him in because he has a pet, but Ryosuke swears she’s tame.” Yuto’s about to ask when Chinen has ever believed pet owners when Chinen adds, “She’s pretty cute, too. He showed me some pictures.”

“She won you over with a picture?” Yuto is startled. For anyone else this would pose no problem, but Chinen avoids animals like the plague. Chinen says it’s just because he likes things clean, thank you very much, but sometimes Yuto wonders if he’s scared of them. “You’re done for.”

Chinen shudders and makes a face. “Stop that! Before I change my mind. She’s small and cute. I don’t know what came over me. I should have asked him if he got her checked for fleas or something.”

Yuto scoffs but Chinen looks so uncharacteristically flustered that he decides to take mercy on him. “So when does he move in?” Yuto changes the subject.

“Next week. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he’s fit for social integration before I introduce him to you guys,” Chinen replies, waving his hand around loftily.

Yuto snorts, and when he asks whether Chinen’s got things the wrong way round, Chinen narrows his eyes and reaches over to take the remaining piece of meat from Yuto’s plate. Yuto watches him munch on it while he thinks.

After a while Chinen notices his silence. “What?”

He’s a little reluctant to bring it up, but he can’t hide anything from Chinen. “Are you sure you want another housemate?”

Chinen shrugs. “It’s been almost a year since Inoo moved out. I figured it was time.”

“But you don’t need one, do you?” Yuto is trying to put it as delicately as possible while still getting his point across. Either he’s being too delicate, or Chinen’s purposely playing ignorant.

“I felt like one. Besides, it’s close to the kindergarten so I thought I’d help him out.” Yuto doesn’t entirely believe him, but something in Chinen’s voice tells Yuto he doesn’t want to discuss it anymore, so he drops it.

“Be sure to tell Keito that he missed out on tons of fun tonight,” Chinen instructs him later at the station when they’re about to part ways. Yuto just laughs and waves goodbye, fairly certain that even if he did, Chinen would still take it upon himself to tell him at work tomorrow.

It’s almost eleven when Yuto gets back to the apartment and is greeted by the image of Keito slumped in a stool, his head on the kitchen counter with an assortment of papers scattered all around him.

“I’m not a teacher, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to mark papers,” Yuto remarks, placing his bag on the only patch of the counter not occupied by student essays. “Are you hoping the grades will transfer to the tests via osmosis? Is that what they teach you at university?”

Keito doesn’t stir, and Yuto wonders briefly if he’s fallen asleep until he hears a loud groan. Yuto claps him on the shoulder and manoeuvres himself around Keito’s pitiful form for a few minutes while he clatters around the kitchen. He rummages through their tea storage for a while before deciding on one.

“Listen to this,” Keito says when he finally does sit up, and grabs the nearest one. He clears his throat loudly. “My English teacher looks like a tame lion,” he reads aloud in English. “But a funny lion, not a scary one.”

Yuto can’t help it - he laughs. “What was the topic, even?”

Keito mumbles something about teachers and school, then groans again. “I swear they’re doing this just to get to me.”

“Sure,” Yuto agrees to humour him, and presses a mug into his hands. “Have some tea.”

“Thanks.” Keito accepts the mug and continues his rant without any further pause. “My students are all brats. Cute brats, but brats nevertheless.” It takes a few sips for him to remember. “Oh yeah, how was dinner?” he asks.

Yuto shrugs, collecting the papers with visible red marks on it and placing the stack to one side. He then plops himself on the stool on the opposite side of the counter, stretching out his legs with a yawn. “Pretty good. Chinen wants you to know that you missed out.”

Keito groans. “Tell me something I don’t know.” Tonight was supposed to be a fun night out for the three of them, celebrating being able to properly meet for the first time in a few weeks. It’s unheard of for them to meet so irregularly, but Yuto’s been picking up more shoots, and Keito recently implemented a new class program that made him even busier. Chinen should theoretically have been busier too, but it never seems like it even though he works so hard. Both Keito and Yuto don’t know how he does it. In the end, though, Keito hadn’t been able to finish marking his papers in time, and had to bail out at the last minute. Chinen is never going to let him live it down, but only because he finished his batch of marking three hours earlier than Keito.

“He got a new housemate,” Yuto reports, and that has Keito sitting up in interest.

“Really? So did this person cast a spell on him, or is he doing this to avoid Takaki?” Keito asks dryly. Yuto shrugs.

“Who knows. He claims he was won over by a dog, and that he’s doing this out of the goodness of his heart.” It’s not that far of a stretch, the second one, since Chinen helped Inoo out last time in the same way. Still, the timing seems far too convenient for it to be coincidental.

Keito blinks. “I don’t know which sounds more implausible,” he says, and Yuto chuckles in agreement.

“Well you remember what happened the last time we tried talking Chinen into doing something. He said he might introduce us one day.” A yawn almost swallows up his last word. That means bedtime. Yuto stands up and stretches again before he leaves.

“I don’t suppose I can persuade you to keep me company, can I?” Keito asks plaintively, eyes pleading. To really ham it up, Keito even clasps his hands together, desperation plain on his face.

“Sorry bro. You’re on your own tonight. I have an early shoot tomorrow.”

Yuto hears the thud of Keito’s head falling back onto the counter as he makes his way to his bedroom.

It’s two weeks before they get to hear anything about Chinen’s new housemate, because test period always has Keito and Chinen pulling out their hair. The night after the social science exam Chinen comes over to the apartment, bringing with him a huge stack of papers in his briefcase. While the two teachers occupy the entire dining table, Yuto’s sole job is to provide them with refreshments he’d been instructed to stock up on the day before. As he pours the first cup of coffee of the night, Yuto tries very hard not to think about the folder on his desktop full of photos he has yet to edit.

They learn that in the past week, Chinen has already gained an admirer in his household. His housemate’s toy poodle, Sora, has taken to following him around everywhere.

It turns out that only three days in, Yamada had already seen him wearing only a bath towel. Chinen had to solicit his help in getting Sora out of the bathroom when he wanted to use it, because she just wouldn’t listen.

“Aww, she likes you!” Yuto coos while Keito roars with laughter next to him.

“Well I don’t like her! No matter how cute she is. I like my privacy, thank you very much.”

Aside from that Yamada isn’t a bad housemate in Chinen’s book, which means that he does more than his fair share of the cleaning and offers to cook every so often when he’s not swamped with work. Speaking of which--

“Come round on Saturday,” Chinen offers, rubbing his eyes and staring at his still-tall stack of unmarked papers. “Ryosuke’s cooking.”

On Saturday evening, Sora jumps on them the moment a dishevelled Chinen opens the door, red marker ink all over his hands. There are even some specks of ink on his face, but both he and Keito share a conspiratorial glance as Yuto holds open the door and decide then and there that they’re not going to tell.

“Sora-chan, down!” Chinen scolds. When she turns around, tail wagging frantically, they have a staring competition. Chinen loses. He picks her up with a sigh. “Spoilt brat,” he says, but it sounds peculiarly affectionate.

“She’s growing on you,” Yuto teases him, laughing when Chinen makes a face at him, then directs it to Sora. Sora ignores it and headbutts his chin. Yuto wants to carry her, too.

A wonderful smell invades Yuto’s senses the moment the walk through the door, and the fragrance only intensifies the closer they get to the kitchen.

“Ryosuke, they’re here!” Chinen calls out and moments later his housemate emerges from the kitchen waving around a spoon. “Hey!” he greets them, cheerfully. His smile is a bit sheepish but genuine, and Yuto decides he likes it instantly. “Yamada Ryosuke. Here, try this.” And with that, he promptly shoves the spoon into Chinen’s mouth. They all laugh at the way Chinen’s eyes immediately light up.

With Chinen effectively silenced they exchange greetings and shake hands.

“Where did you get that apron from?” Chinen asks once he’s swallowed, pulling on the apron with two fingers, his expression one of mild curiosity.

Yamada looks at him oddly. “It’s yours, I borrowed it.”

Even with that explanation, all three of them continue to be confused until they find Chinen Saya’s name scrawled on the faded tag.

“You stole your sister’s apron?” Keito teases him, dodging neatly out of reach of Chinen’s half-hearted kick.

When dinner is ready they sprawl in the lounge around Chinen’s small coffee table.

“So you’re a kindergarten teacher?” Yuto addresses Yamada when they’re all seated. Sora jumps into his lap and starts licking his face, so Yuto holds his plate up high in the air until she’s calmed down enough to lie quietly in his lap.

Yamada nods, reaching over to scratch Sora behind her ears and chuckling when she whimpers. “Yep. Just at the school not far from here. How about you guys?”

“Photographer,” Yuto says. Still in his lap, Sora begs for more attention so he uses a hand to pet her.

Keito swallows his food. “English teacher. We teach at the same middle school.” He gestures between himself and Chinen.

“Can you teach me English?” Yamada asks, only half joking. “I’m terrible at it.”

“Come karaoke with us one day,” Keito offers. “That’s how Yuto learnt most of his English.”

Yuto swats at him and pretends to scowl. “You didn’t have to tell him that. But yeah, come with us one day, Keito will show you his favourite English songs so many times you’ll get sick of them.”

“And then he’ll make you sing them too,” Chinen adds, shaking his head slightly. Yuto would bet all his cameras and two of his tripods that he’s remembering the time the three of them had a karaoke session with one of Chinen’s friends. Chinen’s never brought Arioka to sing with Keito again, though Keito occasionally asks about him. Put them in a room together and you don’t know what they’re going to belt out.

Yamada doesn’t look deterred. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Yuto has a good time, the four of them joking, laughing and talking right up until the time he and Keito absolutely have to return back to their apartment. If Keito doesn’t get enough sleep he becomes spectacularly grumpy in the morning, and Yuto just doesn’t want to deal. Chinen looks happy too, because despite his complaints about the human race, he does actually enjoy having friends. Although Yamada seems just as shy as Chinen, it looks like they’re getting along well in such a short space of time. For that, Yuto is glad.

His observations seem to be correct, judging by the fact that it’s not the last time they ever see him.

“This guy was just going to rot by himself in the apartment so I brought him over,” Chinen announces cheerily the first time he brings his housemate along for dinner. Afterwards they all go to karaoke, where they belt out songs from the current trendiest girl groups, and English songs handpicked by Keito. Chinen complains initially, but later he sings along to Maroon 5 just as heartily as Yuto and Keito do. Yamada watches in awe, bopping his head along to the music, so Keito promises to lend him a CD next time. The next time they go, he and Keito sit with jaws wide open as Yamada and Chinen launch into perfect renditions of Harder to Breathe and Love Somebody.

“How is your pronunciation so good?” Yuto demands to know after they’ve taken a bow.

Yamada shakes his head slightly. “I’m not sure, either.”

Yamada cooks for them a lot. He reasons that when he was living at home, he and his mother had to fight over who got to cook for the family. He lost most of the time. Nobody minds.

Having four people in the group is good for more reasons too, because none of them enjoy playing three-player monopoly.

“I went to a new cafe in Shinjuku today,” Yuto says to nobody in particular when Keito leans over the entire board to take his turn, because Chinen doesn’t notice him ask for help with moving his token. He slips his Shinjuku card halfway underneath the game board.

Keito picks up a Chance card and curses. “Jail. Don’t pass Go, don’t collect 20 million yen. Yeah, yeah, okay.” He lurches again to move the wheelbarrow to the jail square.

“What are you in for?” Yuto and Chinen ask simultaneously. They high-five each other over the board and Yamada laughs.

"I tried to make normal office hours start at eleven.”

“Bad luck, I’d support that,” Chinen says sympathetically.

“Dude, how is there still cafes in Tokyo you’ve never been to?” Keito asks when he turns back to him. Yuto just sticks his tongue out because really, Keito is no better.

“Which cafes?” Yamada asks as he takes his turn, taking great care to place the sheepdog down on every square along the way. “Any recommendations?”

“Yeah, a new one opened up near the studio I worked at the other day,” Yuto says. He’d been drawn to it because of the red, brick walled exterior and the friendly message written in colourful chalk on the blackboard outside. “It’s small and homey and really nice in there. I want to go back.”

“Take me one day? I’m always looking for new cafes.” Yamada counts out some notes and hands them to their resident banker. “Chinen, I wanna buy that.”

“Nara for Ryosuke.” Chinen accepts the money and gives him a card. “Have fun playing with the deer!”

“I’ll probably be going there again next Tuesday afternoon, will you be free?” Yuto asks Yamada as Chinen rolls the dice. As a kindergarten teacher, Yamada only works for the first half of every day, so there’s a chance they’ll both be free.

Part of him is surprised at the invitation he offered without hesitation because Yuto usually goes to cafes alone whenever he needs to wind down. It’s been like that ever since university; he’d take a book or his camera to immerse himself with, forgetting about his worries for a few precious hours.

“Yutti, your turn,” Chinen interrupts them then, handing him the dice.

“I’ll be glad for the company,” Yuto tells Yamada as he hastily takes his turn. He lands on Shizuoka. While he forks out two thousand two hundred yen and passes the bills to a gleeful Chinen, Yuto wonders how much of his statement true. Now it’s weird to think about going with someone else, although certainly not unwelcome.

“Tuesday afternoon is perfect,” Yamada replies, and smiles at him. “Thanks!”

Returning his smile, Yuto tells him the address he’d saved on his phone during his previous visit. They agree on a time to meet at the station while Chinen chants to Keito in English to ‘show him the money’ when he unfortunately lands on Ginza.

Yuto turns back to the game and tries to concentrate, pushing his anxiousness to the back of his mind. Sora pads into the living room and jumps into his lap. Yuto scratches the back of her ear.

“I got arrested because I hypnotise people for fun,” Chinen announces loud and proud.

Tuesday’s shoot goes well, and Yuto soon finds himself packing up and waving goodbye to the rest of the staff and models on his way out of the building. He takes his equipment to the car, storing everything in the trunk, save for a smaller camera he takes with him just in case they run out of things to talk about. He’s probably being over cautious, but it’s happened before. Conversation doesn’t come naturally to him all the time, even with friends. Yuto laughs a little at himself as he walks down the street to the cafe, and finds Yamada leaning against the wall, playing with his phone while he waits. Yuto wants to pull the black beanie down over his eyes.

“Hey,” he greets Yamada when he looks up. “Sorry for making you wait.”

“Hi!” Yamada shoves his phone into his pocket. “Not at all, I came early because I thought I would get lost.’

“Good thing you didn’t, because I would have gotten lost trying to find you.”

The cafe is not crowded, so they’re able to get a seat easily once they’ve ordered. Yamada chooses one next to the window and sinks down onto a chair gratefully.

“Busy day at work?” Yuto asks. Yamada gives a half nod and sinks lower in his chair.

“The kids don’t like social science,” he sighs, looking a little dazed. He then sits up and looks around warily. “Don’t tell Chinen I said that, he’ll probably blame me.”

Yuto laughs. “Your secret is safe with me,” he promises.

“How was your day?” Yamada asks. He fiddles with the strands of hair peeking out from underneath his beanie.

Yuto nods eagerly. “Really good! The models were really responsive, so it was easy getting great shots.” He’s about to go on about how he was really interested in today’s concept and how the director was really easy to communicate with, but then Yuto remembers he’s not talking to a fellow photographer. He clears his throat awkwardly, but Yamada isn’t giving him the same bored look that Chinen or Keito usually have when he rambles on for too long, and Yuto already feels better when he realises this. “Yeah,” he finishes lamely, and luckily he’s saved by their drinks arriving.

“Here you go!” the waitress places their drinks in front of them with a wide smile and a little wave.

“You know she was waiting for you to smile at her,” Yamada says when she’s out of earshot.

Yuto hadn’t noticed at all and Yamada laughs at him when he gets flustered. “You’re really clueless.”

“Shut up,” Yuto says sheepishly. To hide his embarrassment he swings his plate around so he can get a nice shot of his green tea.

“Do you take photos of everything?”

Yuto gives a half nod and a shrug, then presses the shutter button halfway. “More or less.”

He can feel Yamada watching him even as he concentrates on taking the final shot. “Take one of me?” he asks.

Satisfied, Yuto looks up. “Of you, or with you?”

“Ooh.” Yamada thinks about it for a second, looking as though he doesn't know whether he wants to be in the photo or not. Tilting his head at Yuto. Yuto can’t help but laugh - his expression is akin to a curious puppy’s. He scoots over to Yamada’s side of the table. Years of being friends with Keito have perfected his selfie-taking skills. “Make the stupidest face you can,” he instructs, and takes their photo.

Yamada bursts into laughter when Yuto shows him the resulting pièce de résistance. “Wow we’re attractive.” They take another one on Yuto’s phone, because Yuto’s weakness is that he can’t ever stop at just one photo. He’s working on it, but admittedly he hasn’t made much progress.

When he returns to his seat, he presses another button with a flourish. “And sent, to Keito.”

Across the table, Yamada gapes at him. “You didn’t.” Yuto cracks up. “You didn’t.” Yuto can’t stop laughing, and he almost chokes when Yamada’s face turns bright red with disbelief. Eventually though, he changes his tune when Keito sends one back of him and Chinen in the teachers’ breakroom and the two of them laugh so hard they cry.

Yuto may have gotten used to going to cafes alone for the past few years, but being there with Yamada doesn’t feel as strange as he thought it would. It’s easy and it’s comfortable, and Yuto finds that they continue to seek each other out more and more. Sometimes they talk the entire time, making jokes and taking selfies and laughing at Chinen’s recent escapades with Sora. Other times Yuto sits reading his book, and Yamada his manga, and they leave without even a single word sandwiched between their greetings. Yuto doesn’t ever feel as though he has to force himself when he’s with Yamada.

Keito’s locked himself in his room one night, having sworn he wouldn’t come out until he finished writing all his student reports, so Yuto’s left all alone in the kitchen. He downs the rest of his tea and is contemplating an early bedtime out of sheer boredom and a reluctance to work because he has a day off tomorrow, when his phone rings.

“Yamada? What’s up?”

“Hey.” Yamada sounds exhausted. “Can I come over?”

“Oh.” Yuto is surprised. “Sure. But Keito’s in self-imposed exile, so it’ll just be me around if you don’t mind.”

“I just need to do some work. I need to finish up some drafts for next semester’s projects and I have about six more to go and I’ve run out of ideas. I think I just need a change of scenery, so Chinen suggested coming here, I’m sorry.” For some reason, Yuto finds Yamada’s anxiousness amusing. “I feel really trapped in our apartment and I’ve exhausted all the cafes open at this time within a 5km radius,” Yamada rushes on to explain. “And I’m pretty sure Chinen’s so eager to kick me out because Takaki is over.”

Yuto laughs. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Sure, come over.”

“Thank you so much,” Yamada rushes out a sigh of relief, and hangs up the phone.

Yamada’s on the doorstep fifteen minutes later, hair all mussed up like he’s been running his fingers through them repeatedly, a messy stack of papers in his arms. “I’m so sorry to impose,” he starts babbling the minute Yuto opens the door. “I’m so stupid, I’ve been stuck on these for days and I’m freaking out and--” He’s cut short when Yuto yanks on his arm to pull him inside.

“Ssh don’t worry about it. I said it’s fine, right?” Yamada’s still looking panicked, and Yuto is suddenly filled with the desire to pat Yamada’s cheek. “Is the living room okay?” he asks, closing the front door.

“That would be perfect.”

Within minutes, sheets of loose paper completely cover the living room table that Yamada is hunched over, forehead scrunched up in concentration. Yuto quietly places a hot mug of tea on the side table next to him.

Yamada still notices him. “Thank you,” he says, smiling wanly and taking a sip. “Don’t let me keep you from doing what you were going to. Just pretend I’m not here.”

Yamada can be so exasperating sometimes. “Don’t worry,” Yuto tells him. “I’ll probably keep you company if you don’t mind.” He gestures to the desktop computer sitting in the corner. On it are photos from last week’s shoot that still need to be edited. Sleep sounds nice, but he really should make a start on them.

Yamada huffs with amusement. “I’ll be glad for it. We can keep each other from going insane.”

They become engrossed in the work, the silence in the air punctuated only by the clattering of Yuto’s keyboard and the clicks of his mouse, the rustling of Yamada’s paper, and intermittent sighs. Yuto slowly moves onto photo after photo, not noticing the time pass them by, not stopping until he’s reached almost the halfway point of the folder.

When he feels his eyes can’t take anymore, Yuto turns off the computer and gets up from the chair, sprawling out on the floor near the centre of the room. A quick check of the wall clock startles him; it’s already past two am. He’s too exhausted to move, so he just watches Yamada as he frowns and moves pieces of paper around until he’s happy with them. Some time later, he sees Yamada smile widely and sink back onto the couch, arms stretched above his head as he sighs with relief.

“Done.” Yamada removes his glasses and tilts his head back so he’s facing the ceiling.

“Good job.” Yuto can’t help sharing his grin.

Yamada relaxes and looks back at him. “Thank you so much, seriously. It really helped.”

“Anytime.” Yuto means it. Somehow, in this moment, seeing Yamada on the couch like that it’s as though he’s no longer the distant man Yuto doesn’t quite understand, but more like someone he’s known all his life. Yuto wants to learn more, wants to make this fleeting thought a reality.

Somehow, a part of Yuto’s brain registers that while he’s staring at Yamada, Yamada is eyeing him right back.

“What are you thinking about?” Yuto whispers, and Yamada blinks sleepily in response.

“Hmm?”

“You’re staring at me.” Yuto’s breath catches in his throat. He’s never seen this particular expression on Yamada’s face before.

Then his face changes, and It’s a while before Yamada replies. “I like spending time with you,” he says, purposefully making his tone casual, but his eyes don’t leaving Yuto’s as he curls up on the couch.

Yuto’s lips quirk up. “I would hope so, since we seem to do nothing but these days.”

“Yeah but…” he begins, but seems to think better of it and shakes his head. He tries again, but no words come out.

Yuto’s curious, but he doesn’t want to push. “Why don’t you try again later?” he suggests. It’s late. Things always get harder when it’s late. “Nothing makes sense at 3am, Yama-chan.” It’s the first time he’s called him that, and both their eyes widen.

Eventually, Yamada shrugs. “You’re right,” he says. His looks rueful, though, and Yuto doesn’t know why, but makes the decision not to question further.

They both yawn at the same time. “I don’t think I can get up to move,” Yuto confesses through his laughter. Despite his shaking, his eyes are already drooping and he’s fighting so hard to keep them open.

Yamada makes a sound between a chuckle and a sigh, and holds out his arms. Yuto reaches over to take his hands and all of a sudden he’s pulled up to the couch alongside him. “Do you mind if I stay on your couch tonight?” Yamada asks quietly, and he sounds a little apologetic. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Yuto’s so tired he can’t even manage proper words, so he just snorts and wraps his arm around his waist. “Stay,” he mumbles when he finally finds his voice, and then he blacks out.

He’s shaken awake from the most peaceful sleep by Yamada, one hand shaking Yuto’s shoulder slightly, the other pulling his grey coat on.

“Yama-chan?” Yuto manages to slur when he’s able to crack open his eyes just enough to register the mop of messy, brown hair.

“Sorry for waking you. I didn’t want to leave while you were still asleep. I’m going now, thank you for letting me stay over,” Yamada babbles, hopping around as he pulls one of his socks up. “ Thanks again for last night. Keito’s up so I’ll make him let me out.”

“Okay, bye~” Yuto raises his hand in a half-wave, then promptly falls back asleep the minute he lets it fall.

Two hours later he wakes up again and he feels fine when he yawns and stands up to stretch. He feels fine when he heads to the kitchen and makes breakfast and coffee. He feels fine right up until he pulls out a chair at the table, but when he sits down it suddenly crashes on Yuto that Yamada had left so quickly, like he was trying to avoid him.

Spoon hanging in mid-air, Yuto pauses to recall the events of last night. A frenzied Yamada showing up on his doorstep. Yamada rubbing his eyes when he finally finished. Yamada curled up the sofa laughing at him, strong arms held out to pull him up. And then it hits him. Yamada trying to tell him something, eyes wide and panicked as he struggled for words.

”Nothing makes sense at 3am, Yama-chan.

The resigned way in which Yamada had backed off and refused to elaborate. What had Yamada been trying to tell him?

It lingers in the back of his mind all throughout the breakfast he now struggles to finish and he almost breaks a plate because he’s not paying attention when doing the dishes. When he tries to concentrate on finishing off the batch of photos he didn’t complete last night, his mouse keeps wandering over to the still untouched photos he took at the cafe that first afternoon. Yamada and his cross-eyed expressions leer at him from his huge monitor.

Somehow, a whole day passes by with him moping in front of the computer. Keito comes home in the evening and all it takes is one look at Yuto’s face. “Something happened.”

“I think Yamada was trying to tell me something at 3am,” he sighs. He still hasn’t figured it out.

“Nothing ever makes sense at 3am,” is Keito’s automatic response, but he continues to peer at him in concern while taking off his tie.

Yuto bites back a laugh. “I know. I told him that too, and then we slept together on the couch and I thought things were fine, but this morning he left without barely saying anything.”

“He went home to shower. Chinen told me. He was probably just in a hurry to get to work,” Keito says, and then he pauses. “You slept together on the couch?”

This makes sense and Yuto knows it, but he still feels a little bad. The more he thinks about it, the more it seems like what Yamada was trying to say was important. “I was too tired to walk to my room,” he shrugs in response to Keito’s question. Keito just gives him an exasperated look. “But yeah you’re probably right.”

Keito sighs. “Let’s get dinner,” he suggests, patting him on the back. They get his favourite and afterwards, Yuto feels marginally better.

It still weighs on his mind on and off for the next few weeks, but Yuto’s relieved to find that Yamada wasn’t affected by that one act of insensitivity. Yamada still asks him to accompany him to places. They still gang up on Keito together. Yamada still sucks at monopoly almost as much as he does. They still sit across from each other in random cafes again, debating its overall quirkiness factor out of a scale of ten over ice green tea and chai lattes, and taking ridiculous selfies again.

He often wonders what it was that Yamada was trying to tell him that night, but Yamada never brings it up, and Yuto never asks.

“I hated school when I was younger,” Yamada confesses during an impromptu shopping trip. They’d bumped into each other in town and decided to run their errands together. “School’s important, but I didn’t realise that until much later.”

Yuto picks up a pair of jeans, admiring the faded wash. “Is that why you became a teacher?”

Yamada makes a beeline for a grey jacket hanging on the wall. “I figured if I was to help children actually like school, it would be best to start from young.” He turns to looks sideways at Yuto. “What about you? Why did you decide to become a photographer?”

“It was an accident,” Yuto admits. He finds the jeans in his right size and swipes them up triumphantly. “I had just gotten my science degree. Photography had always been a hobby, and one day I was asked to take photos for a wedding. I have too many hobbies,” he reflects, and Yamada nods, pretending to disapprove. “Anyway, after that the offers kept coming in. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

“Try these on,” Yamada instructs after another perusal of the store, shaking a different pair of pants in his face.

They finish shopping, but when they get back home, Yamada tosses the jacket at Yuto and tells him to give it to Keito. “I don’t actually need three jackets that look the same,” he grumbles.

Back when they were in uni, he and Keito would sneak into the campus practice rooms after-hours with the help of Hikaru. Together they’d have jam sessions until the early hours of the morning, then they’d sneak back into Hikaru’s room to crash for a few hours before properly starting the day. If he had time Yabu joined them, but it was never for long.

“You can’t write your thesis on no sleep,” Hikaru would natter, holding Yabu’s laptop with one hand and pushing him into his bed with the other, ignoring Yabu’s weak protests. “I’ll give this back to you tomorrow.”

They haven’t seen either of them in a while, but occasionally Keito takes his guitar out and Yuto sits at the drums. They pretend they’re twenty again with the whole world at their feet and nothing to lose. One night Yamada makes them play, so he and Chinen lounge on the sofa while they bring out some music their college selves had written together. They take turns singing, just like they used to. Yuto has never forgotten the words. Sometime during the night he meets Yamada’s eyes and drops a drumstick, sending it clattering onto the floor. Sheepish, he plays one-handed for thirteen more bars before it’s feasible for him to pick it up, poking his tongue out when he re-emerges to a laughing Chinen.

It’s only when they finish that Yuto feels the burn all throughout his body. “I guess it’s a good thing Inoo always makes me come and play for the music class,” Keito admits, looking down at his fingers ruefully.

Yuto half groans and chuckles, throwing himself down onto the floor next to him. “I am going to be useless tomorrow.”

“So I guess tomorrow would be the best day to steal this sofa,” Yamada tells Chinen.

It hits Yuto one day that for the first time since his university days, he might have a crush. There’s no lead up to the realisation, no trigger that sets it off. Just a simple question that pops into his mind suddenly, for which he apparently already has the answer to.

“Yutti, what do you think?”

He blinks. Chinen and Takaki are looking at him expectantly. He blinks again.

“Should we have an anniversary celebration this year?” Takaki asks.

It still takes a while for Yuto to process Takaki’s question, but when he does he practically shouts it, startling all three of them. “Yes! I mean...” Apologetic, he lowers his voice. “Yes, you should have a celebration. Don’t give into Chinen this year, Takaki. Stay strong!” He pumps his fist into the air exaggeratedly. Takaki beams.

“Why are you doing this to me,” Chinen groans, sliding his face into his hands and sinking into his chair. “I thought we were friends.”

“That’s why,” Yuto tells him. He turns to Takaki. “Get him flowers. Roses. Red and white. Throw some coral in there too if you want.”

“I will,” Takaki says solemnly. “I’ll buy lots of them. Only the best for my Yuri.” Beside him, Chinen cringes and drops his head onto the table.

Seconds later, Sora hurtles herself at Chinen and starts trying to climb into his lap, leash still attached to her collar. Begrudgingly helping her out, Chinen’s disappointed to find that Takaki has Yamada’s vote, too.

“Everyone’s against me, Sora-chan,” he tells her sadly. Sora yips at him, then clambers out of his lap to jump into Yuto’s waiting arms. Yamada grins at him, and Yuto immediately feels heart beat embarrassingly fast.

“I think I like Yamada.” The words fall from his mouth the minute he slumps into the living room that evening. Keito was dozing on the couch with the television on, but now his eyes fly wide open.

He says nothing, just looks at him with a level gaze.

“How long did you know?” Yuto mumbles, crawling into his arms. Though all he did was spend the afternoon at Chinen’s place, he’s completely wiped out.

“You don’t want to know.”

He lets out a wail and Keito chuckles.

“I thought I’d have to tell you myself.” He sighs with relief but yelps when Yuto punches him. “Hey! Better me than anyone else. Remember what happened in high school?”

Yuto makes a face over Keito’s head. Time still hasn’t healed that embarrassment. “Yes, yes, you’re always here when I need you,” he says sarcastically, though he knows full well that it’s true.

“Damn right I am,” Keito says in English. Yuto rolls his eyes. “And don’t you forget it.”

Yuto’s quiet for a few minutes. “Yeah, I need you now,” he says finally. Keito makes a questioning noise. “Can you either be my pillow tonight or carry me to bed?”

Keito hits him. “Something that won’t involve breaking me, you jerk.”

“I’m not going to break you!” Yuto acts offended.

Their grapples used to last for ages, but now the two of them are too exhausted to do anything but snark, and even that’s half-hearted. A part of Yuto feels old as he sits up in a daze, trying to get away from Keito’s iron grip.

Keito just sighs and wraps arms around him tighter.

Yuto travels to Okinawa again for a week in October. The first few days are reserved for work, but after that he’s free to do whatever he wants. He’s usually okay with travelling alone, but this time he can’t help but miss the feeling of someone being by his side as he strolls along the beach admiring the horizon, and eating the food he hasn’t been able to eat since his and Keito’s first week of being graduates. Of course, there’s only one face that swims into vision, and by the time Yuto’s wrapped up the work portion of his trip he already feels more than a little homesick. Yuto knows this means it’s about time to act, but the thought of it still has his stomach twisting itself into knots.

Another game of monopoly is scheduled right after he gets back. The entire game, Yuto spends most of it fixated on the board and looking everywhere but Yamada, because he’s finding it extremely difficult to meet his eyes.

“I can’t decide if I’m upset or proud,” Chinen says when, for the first time ever, Yuto wins the game.

The longer he drags it out the worse it gets. Whenever Yuto makes the decision to go and tell Yamada, there’s always something that convinces him to change his mind. He drives Keito mad with his fretting, which he often vocalises out loud on accident, but Yuto has always been stubborn. Keito asks him point-blank one day if he’s waiting for The Right Time to confess, but Yuto really isn’t. He’s well aware that him confessing would affect them both, and he’s rather loath to make Yamada more uncomfortable than he already has. Keito scoffs and calls him a worrywart.

“This is not something you have just learnt,” Yuto points out dryly. Keito sighs and rolls his eyes, muttering something about “so troublesome” under his breath.

Yuto feels like singing a jazz song at their next karaoke session, long overdue. Part of him is hoping to impress Yamada, but another part wants to ignore him, to sing as though he’s all alone. It doesn’t help that Yamada’s seated right in his peripheral vision whenever it’s his turn to face the screen. A few times during the night Yuto convinces himself that Yamada’s staring at him, but then when he takes a peek, Yamada’s either having an animated conversation with Chinen, Keito or Takaki, or playing with his phone.

Tonight, Chinen sings a ballad from memory.

“One of your favourites?” Yamada asks Takaki. Takaki doesn’t seem to hear him, but the way his eyes remain fixated on Chinen is answer enough.

Keito chooses an electronic pop song, energetically bopping along as he sings the high pitched tune. He’s crushed when he turns around to four identical, horrified faces.

“And with that I think we’ve seen all of Keito we ever needed to see.” Chinen declares.

Yamada also selects a ballad. He’s not facing any of them, just keeping his eyes trained on the screen, but something about him still takes Yuto’s breath away. Yuto watches him, his expression soft and unguarded while he pours his whole heart out. He can’t take his eyes away, and sometime between the song beginning and ending, Yuto knows for sure that he’s fallen for him.

He leaves karaoke with an alarming mixture of emotions; anxious and sad, confused and elated, all at the same time. The entire train journey home he doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing even though Keito asks if he’s okay so many times Yuto wants to strangle him. When they reach the apartment, he makes a beeline straight to his room and passes out as soon as his face meets the pillow.

The next day, however, is a completely different story. Yuto wakes up feeling refreshed and excited, and still confused over this turn of events.

Keito frowns at him when he enters the kitchen, a big smile on his face. “What’s up with you?” he asks through a mouthful of bread. Keito swallows. “You looked like you were about to cry last night.”

Yuto steals the other slice of toast in retaliation. “I wasn’t going to cry.”

“You can’t lie to me.” Keito stands up to make more toast. While his back is turned, Yuto takes his tea, too.

There is a part of Yuto that is a giant brat. It’s this side of him that sits in front of Yamada whenever they meet now, the part that is unable to stop staring and smiling like he’s got some big secret. Several times Yamada has asked why he’s so happy, wanting to know if something particularly good has gone on at work, or if he’s in love with somebody and hasn’t had the courtesy of telling him.

“I thought I was your friend!” Yamada says, placing a hand on his chest as he feigns hurt.

Yuto is an idiot and just grins wider.

It’s two weeks after karaoke that Yuto finally has a full day off. He suddenly decides today will be the day that he finally tells Yamada, because he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep it to himself. He really wants Yamada to know, if he hasn’t already guessed. Yuto tries to push away the part of his mind that questions why Yamada hasn’t said anything, if he has.

Immediately after that, his phone rings.

“Lunch?” Chinen asks when Yuto picks up. “Just the two of us.”

Yuto’s response is automatic. “Sure.” It’s only after he puts down the phone that he registers what he said.

“I’m moving in with Yuya,” Chinen blurts out after fifteen minutes of twirling his noodles around his chopsticks in silence.

Yuto almost chokes on his ramen. “Finally.”

On an ordinary day he’d probably cop something, but today Chinen can’t stop smiling.

“I’m happy for you,” Yuto says. Chinen is the most stubborn person he knows. He’s also unpredictable, and sometimes they don’t know what it is that he wants until he’s already gone out of his way to achieve it. It doesn’t stop them from trying to guess what he wants, anyway, because that’s precisely what insufferable friends are for.

This, everyone Chinen knew saw from a mile away. A few half-hearted prods were made, but the best way to deal with Chinen is always to let him figure it out for himself.

After lunch Chinen asks what his plans for the rest of the day are, then silently passes him his house keys when Yuto hesitates.

“I’m going to Yuya’s,” he says, patting Yuto on the back. “Aren’t you glad I took a housemate in?”

He leaves Yuto standing outside the restaurant with the keys, chuckling ruefully at Chinen’s intuition.

Yamada’s vacuuming the living room with his headphones in, singing and dancing to the music. He doesn’t hear Yuto come in.

He yelps and whips off his headphones when he turns around to find Yuto leaning against the doorframe, smirking.

“You looked like you were having fun, I didn’t want to disturb you,” Yuto says in response to Yamada’s shocked glare. “And now I’ve figured out the secret to your karaoke prowess.”

The tips of Yamada’s ears turn red. “Shut up. I only do this when I’m home alone.”

“I can wait for you to finish,” Yuto offers, but Yamada’s already turned off the vacuum cleaner.

“What’s up?”

Suddenly feeling awkward, Yuto gestures to the sofa and they flop onto it together. Yamada turns to him expectantly.

Yuto takes a deep breath. He hasn’t figured out what he wants to say at all, but he thinks as long as he says it out loud he can figure it out from there. “I like you,” he blurts out. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way,” he rushes to continue when Yamada gapes at him, speechless. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m saying this.”

“No, shut up,” Yamada says, finding his voice, but it’s gentle this time. Yuto looks at him in puzzlement, and then Yamada gets up from his position on the couch and all but tackles Yuto into a hug.

“I tried telling you that night,” Yamada mumbles against his shoulder. “I feel the same way.”

“The night you stayed over?” Yuto asks, still hardly daring to believe. “That was so long ago.” Yamada wraps his arms around Yuto tighter, and Yuto brings his own up to do the same. Yamada smells of vanilla. He never wants to let go.

It’s a while before either of them speak again.

“I couldn’t get my words out because I was so tired and nervous,” Yamada explains when he pulls away just enough to look up at Yuto.

Yuto feels so remorseful. “I wondered what you wanted to say,” he sighs, leaning closer and bumping Yamada’s forehead with his own. “You left so quickly the next morning. I waited for you to try again. When you didn’t I just assumed it wasn’t important.”

Yamada’s laugh is short and sheepish. “No, I lost my confidence. And somehow I got it into my mind that you stopping me was your way of letting me down easily. I was so embarrassed the next morning I didn’t know what to do but run.”

“No!” Yuto is horrified. “I didn’t know what you were going to say. You were struggling so much, I was worried you might wake up and regret whatever it was. People often regret their actions at 3am.”

The look he gets in response is a frustrated one. “Chinen told me that too! What have you guys done at 3am?”

He shudders and Yamada looks as though he doesn’t know whether to laugh or be scared. “So many things.” He shakes his head. “I don’t even want to get into it right now. Just know that lots of bad things happen at 3am with us. That night is proof of it.”

“You guys are hopeless,” Yamada snorts. “I’ll get the full story out of one of you one day. Maybe Keito will spill the beans.”

“Sure, go ahead and try,” Yuto challenges, leaning over to press his lips to Yamada’s cheek. As he makes contact, Yamada closes his eyes tilts his head up slightly. “Let me know if you succeed.”

“I will.” Yamada’s tone is defiant but when he opens his eyes, they’re soft. He hesitates, and flushes. “There’s more to it, though,” he admits. “Another reason I thought you didn’t feel the same way.”

“What is it?” Yuto urges.

It’s a while before Yamada speaks. “You started calling me ‘Yamada’ again,” he admits, and this time he really can’t meet Yuto’s eyes.

Yuto tries to make him, by taking Yamada’s chin between his fingers and gently tilting his head up. “Yama-chan,” he tries quietly.

He likes the sound of that just as much as he did that night. “Yama-chan,” he repeats, a little louder this time.

“One more time?” Yamada’s smile is teasing, like he doesn’t think Yuto will comply.

Yuto doesn’t comply. “Ryosuke.”

Yamada’s eyes widen. His heart fluttering wildly in his chest, Yuto leans forward to kiss him, and they meet in the middle.

“You didn’t.” Chinen takes one look at Keito when he gets back from karaoke at four in the morning. Yuto and Chinen hadn’t gone with him because they were working, but around midnight had decided to stay up to wait. They were starting to regret their decision when they heard the sound of the front door of Yuto and Keito’s apartment opening. “Tell me you didn’t,” Chinen pleads, but Keito just continues to look guilty. “That’s it, your curfew is now two in the morning.”

Seconds later, Yamada bursts into the living room. He’s still laughing when he collapses onto the couch and leans against Yuto. Yuto puts his arms around him and can’t stop himself from inhaling once. He makes a mental note to ask Yamada if he can borrow his new shampoo. Or persuade Yamada to use it all the time.

“Before you say anything, I was trying to help,” Chinen declares, still eyeing Keito. “He was confused.”

“You made him more confused in the end,” Yuto points out. Chinen turns on him instead.

“What about that time you wore a skirt?”

Yuto feels his entire face burn. He buries his face in Yamada’s hair, still latching onto him even as Yamada shakes with mirth. “I was trying prove my hypothesis,” he says weakly, unable to stop laughing at the memory. “It was in the name of science, okay. I could have become a scientist.”

“Honestly, I thought it was going to be so much worse than that,” Yamada says eventually, wiping tears from his eyes, “the way you guys were carrying on. By the way, I want to see pictures.”

“It’s the integrity that matters.” Even though he’s exhausted, Chinen looks dead serious. “We made a promise.” He dodges a pillow that Keito throws, but his aim hadn’t been very good in the first place.

Yamada scoffs at him. “Who do you think you are?”

“Let him have his way,” Yuto cautions, smiling fondly, taking a strand of brown hair and coiling it around his finger. Yamada turns to glance up. “In case next time it’s you who wants to hide any 3am behaviour.”

It's Okay, That's Love (for dusk037)

yyexchangemod — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 13:24:27 GMT

Title: It's Okay, That's Love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Romance, Angst
Word Count: 4.9k
Recipient: dusk037
Summary: Like any other I-fell-for-my-best-friend-story, yours is just one of many.
Author’s note: Hi dear recepient! I'm so sorry for this if this wasn't the kind of fic you wanted, but I tried! orz I tried putting all your prompts in one so I hope that's okay! I hope you like this fic! <3 And to my betas, thank you so much. I owe pretty much all my sanity to you after 5 plots and 5 different plots later. Enjoy!

Perhaps, the hardest part of falling in love is falling in love with your best friend. Falling for the best friend that you grew up and did a lot of stupid things with seems to be the worst choice, if you look at it. Nothing says DANGER than falling for someone you know doesn't look at you--and never will look at you--as a potential love interest. It's hard to do so if you've spent practically your whole life with them.

But--it's kind of really hard not to fall for Nakajima Yuto. Honest, sweet, caring and loud Nakajima Yuto. The Nakajima Yuto that stuck with Yamada Ryosuke when everyone hated him because he looked like a girl. The Nakajima Yuto that taught him about music and rolling on the mud. The Nakajima Yuto that spent hours patting his head and murmuring words of encouragement in his ears when he first came out. The Nakajima Yuto that high-fived him whenever he won any dancing competition.

Honestly, Yuto just makes it hard for you not to fall in love with him. How can you not when Yuto is the embodiment of everything that you ever dreamed and will ever want?

And, like any other I-fell-for-my-bestfriend-story, yours is just one of many.

Especially since at 27, you will have to stand in front of the altar--not as the groom, but as the best man to Nakajima Yuto.

“Bowtie or necktie?” Yuto raised the small piece of clothing in front of you, almost poking you in the eye as he nervously flitted between the two. He looked nervous and that was probably an understatement.

All you could do is scoff, “How about none?” The flitting image of Yuto wearing nothing crossed your mind and you had to literally shake the idea away. The fact that you actually know what he looked like naked seemed to be the worst part of this. “Pretty sure Chii won’t mind if you go up the altar looking like a mess.”

You know this very well because you know Chinen won’t ever mind. Chinen won’t ever mind because Chinen doesn’t really mind anything about this wedding. Chinen doesn’t mind because his mind and heart doesn’t belong to Yuto the way you know Yuto belongs to the younger man.

(Like how your heart and mind belongs to Yuto but his doesn’t.)

Yuto pouted and the urge to pinch his cheeks like the old times came over you. But you didn’t because this time tomorrow, in less than 24 hours, Yuto will officially (and legally) belong to someone who is not you. Tomorrow, you will still be his best friend, and being No. 1 in Yuto’s priorities will now be given to his husband.

Not you.

He looked down for a moment and before you knew it, he was suddenly grinning again, as if he suddenly had a bright idea. “Maybe I should wear a scarf?” he asked you, obviously pleased with where his thoughts were going.

Although you know that Yuto would look better no matter what he wore, even if he wore nothing, there is a high chance that Yuri won’t. If you were all childish 10 years ago, Yuri was the one that matured among you the most. You know he still likes a prank or two in a while, but he was the one that picked himself up and succeeded.

“How about you wear a bowtie? That way you can both be different and still perfectly normal,” you suggested, grabbing the blue necktie and throwing it on the bed. “I doubt Yuri would appreciate you outshining him.”

Yuto nodded slowly, as if he was trying to digest this all. Then he nodded firmly before patting your head. You felt yourself grow hotter--his touch always does this, even if its been years--so you slap his hand away and put on the best evil eye you could do.

“I’m not a kid!” You protested.

Yuto laughed at this as he proceeded to mess your hair some more. “Being this short, you might as well be!”

You were pouting at him and he was laughing and, well, just for this moment you could pretend that everything was back when you were just 17 year old kids. Back when you were best friends and you were his No. 1 and there was no work or weddings to worry over.

Back when everything wasn’t set in stone.

Back when you still had a chance.

That night, when you finished ironing your suit, you fell head first on your cold bed. You were tired, but you weren’t entirely sure if it was your body or your heart aching at the moment. Probably a combination of both.

You ignored the throbbing on your feet and the throbbing on your head as you drifted off to sleep, the worries of what tomorrow will bring still following you even in your dreams.

When you woke up, the first thing that registered in your mind was that your alarm didn’t ring. Trying to clear your head, you sat up too fast that you felt your head stir and throb. Since you’re pretty sure you weren’t drunk last night, you knew it would pass in a few minutes or so (hopefully).

You were about to enter your bathroom when you paused on the doorway, eyes still groggy as you rub it with your hands. When did you have a bathroom inside your room? But it was there, a door that your consciousness tells you is your bathroom.

Confused, you turned around to face where you came from. Your messy bed was there, your bedside table is there, your school desk was there, your bookshelf was there, you--wait. You turned back to the direction of your desk and saw the mess that meant you were up late at night using it.

But the thing is, you were sure you didn’t study last night (you were busy crying about Yuto in the bathroom).

Not to mention, you don’t have a school desk in your apartment.

You’re pretty sure you haven’t had a school desk for years.

It took you ten minutes of staring at your reflection on the mirror and rummaging through your files for you to come up with...something. Anything, really. Instead of suits you wear for work, you found your High School uniform. Instead of papers after papers of report, you found homeworks piled up on your desk. Instead of your apartment, you were in your parent’s house with both your parents still alive.

Not to mention, instead of the face of a 27 year old that went through years of stress from work and loving their best friend, you found yourself staring at yourself, 10 years younger. Back when the only thing you worried about was College Entrance Exams and how to confess.

So you deduce that you’re dreaming, because how else are you able to go back in time? Not to mention, on the date that your 17 year old self was supposed to confess to Yuto? It’s not everyday you wake up (or are you dreaming?) to find yourself back to your 17 year old body.

Plus, putting off your best friend’s (love’s) wedding isn’t something you’ll pass up on.

Although, in reality, as real as this reality is, you would put off that wedding as much as you could.

Busy with looking through your things, you forgot that you were dreaming of the past and according to your memories, your Mom is about to--

“Ryo-chan! Breakfast! You don’t want to be late!”

Grinning, you washed yourself and changed clothes immediately. If it was another other day you dreamed of (this is a dream, right?), you probably wouldn’t remember how it goes. But, if the date in the calendar is to be believed, this was a day you will never forget. Even if you want to. Even if you may not want to. You weren’t really given a choice now, were you?

“Strawberry pancake for breakfast, Ryo-chan?” Your mother offered with a smile the moment you got down. You remember this. You remember how it smelled and that’s exactly what’s wafting through the air, tempting you.

“With real bits, Mom?!” You ask even though you know the answer.

“Of course!” She winked at you. “I want only the best for my son. Especially on this special day!”

You smiled brightly, not really that excited. Not like the first time. Not like reality.

“Eat up! There’s more if you want. You need the energy!” She pinched your cheeks (and you won’t admit it, but you missed that) before kissing it and waving good bye.

The moment she was out the door, you ate as if your life depended on it. The first time (the real one), you were too nervous to eat that you just took 3 bites before running to school. This time, or at least in this dream, you inhaled your pancakes as fast as you can because you know. You know you needed that energy.

(You don’t want a repeat of you being so pale from hunger that the words I like you didn’t come out of your mouth when you tried.)

You didn’t realize you missed Yuto in his school uniform until you finally saw the taller boy. All these time you were too busy agonizing about doing the right thing in this dream (second chance?) that you forgot to worry on how you’ll react when you see him.

When you were in High School, your feelings for your best friend bordered on extreme like to almost love. But after 10 years more, your feelings were now love and fondness and longing. Which you weren’t prepared for.

“Ryo-chan!” Yuto’s voice at 17 wasn’t as deep or husky as it was when he was 27, but it was still his voice. His face also still has remnants of baby fats and puberty is still working it’s magic. But this was Yuto and your heart thundered at that thought.

(Even if it’s a dream.)

“Did you work on the homework for History?” You ask him because you remember asking it. Just as you say those words, you felt the memories come back at you. You see the questions and suddenly feel the tiredness from being up late answering them.

He winked. “What do you think?”

He finished it and he got the highest mark for the discussion he was able to come up with. You can still see it--you on the desk with a A- while Yuto was almost tearing up at his A++. You felt your burst of pride and affection and it’s overwhelming since it hasn’t happened yet.

(It makes you wonder how long you’ll be in this dream. Will you even be able to do it right?)

“Let’s start walking before we’re late, Ryo!” Yuto grabbed your arm and encircled it with his. He was taller even back when you were 17 (you think you stopped growing at 15) so the angle was probably awkward for him.

You felt warm at the contact and you tried to enjoy it, but you know that after a few seconds he’s going to--

“Why are you so short, Ryo-chan? My arms hurt!” Yuto pouted then cackled in laughter when you hit him hard with your book bag. You continued hitting him until he stopped laughing to pat your head. “Sorry, Ryo. You look cute anyway.”

When he tried putting his arms around you again (you shrugged him off the first time, hurt), you let him, but only after you hit him on his shoulders. The effect of this is that instead of following you around like a lost puppy like last time (the reality? It’s hard keeping track of which is which by now), he was smiling brightly down at you.

Class was easier because your mind is that of a 27 year old Professor. You were able to finish your quizzes faster than you did before so you had enough time to weigh your choices.

You remember how this day will go. Exams in the morning. Lunch with Yuto, Yuri, Keito and Ryutaro at the rooftop. Lessons in the afternoon. Club activities before the end of school. Then the horrible confession. If you can even call it that.

Lunch and classes passed quickly since you knew everything. You even managed to not get hit by the soft ball (there is nothing soft about that ball) that Ryutaro, Yuri and Yuto were passing to each other. Listening to your teacher isn’t really needed since you know what they’re saying anyway.

So you focused on one thing. Rather, one person.

The last time (in reality?), you asked him to come meet you at the garden that you were assigned to tend for this month. The flowers are really pretty and since you know he likes them, you thought it would be a great place to confess.

Yes, this was the day that your 17 year old self had put all his efforts and feelings into one thing: confessing to Nakajima Yuto. It wasn’t a day that you could easily forget, not when it was the day that your feelings were crushed.

“Hey, Ryo-chan!” You heard him call for you as soon as your teacher for the last class left. He was grinning widely and you knew why. “Yuri asked if I wanted to get ice cream with him before we all go home together. You have garden duties today, right?”

You gulped, suddenly afraid. Again. “Erm. Yeah, I do.”

“Yuri and I will wait for you guys at the gate later, okay? Ryutaro and Keito still has club activities too.” Yuto told you, hearing your nightmares again. “Did you want anything? Do you want me to get you strawberry ice cream? Although it would probably melt…”

This was it. This is where you should start changing things, at least in this dream (reality?). You know how everything would go. You lived through it once. In fact, you lived through the consequences for the next ten years. You know that this is how everything started, how everything went wrong.

You’re not a lovestruck and jealous 17 year old boy anymore, Yamada Ryosuke. You haven’t been for the last ten years (lies). You know now that this would happen, so it shouldn’t surprise you anymore. You should have a hold of your feelings and not let the jealousy stop you from--

“No. Just go away.” You hear yourself say before your mind could process anything that it’s telling you to do (and say) (and feel). This was exactly how you said it the first time, still as angry and still as jealous (some things never does change, you guess), but this time, you were looking directly at him. This time, you saw the flash of confusion and hurt on his face--it was enough to make you feel guiltier than you already are.

You reached over to him, stood on your tiptoes and stretched your (rather short) arms to pat his head. This got him raising his eyebrow before his lips stretched to a wide smile. Now, this, this was better.

“Enjoy your ice cream,” you said then stepped back. “I’ll see you later?”

He smiled, the smile that brightens your day, the smile that is meant only for you… until Yuri came along and kept it to himself. But for now, right now, in this moment. That smile was still yours.

This time, in this reality (dream?), you watched him walk away while waving at you. You waved back even though you could feel your heart breaking all over again. You know that the moment he leaves (and he already did), he would become Yuri’s.

That’s how it happened the first time.

That’s what’s going to happen this time.

Knowing exactly what time they’re going to arrive (funny how you remember all these things), you feel like the time is ticking really slow. It’s like time is annoying you with how the shorter hands move so slowly and how--

“RYO-CHAAAAAN!” Yuto’s voice was calling. But that wasn’t supposed to…

You look at your watch and it’s 10 minutes before he’s supposed to arrive (like the first time). Why is he here? Before you could question your memory and everything else, the taller boy had jumped you that ended up with both of you on the ground.

“Yuto!” You couldn’t help but yell as you hit him on the arm while trying to push him off. Sure you wanted him on top of you, but preferably not while you’re on the ground (and clothed).

Yuto just looked at you sheepishly before he stood up and then helped you, as well. He was scratching his head, looking sorry, but the small smile on his lips makes you question his sincerity. Still, you don’t know why he’s here.

“Why are you here? You aren’t supposed to arrive until--” You were about to ask, but that wouldn’t make any sense. How are you supposed to explain anything, anyway? “Erm. I mean, what’s up? I thought we were meeting you guys at the gate?”

Yuto shrugged then dusted his clothes even though you were the one that ended up on the ground (your back is probably really dirty). At first you thought he wasn’t going to say anything, until you hear him whisper, “I missed you…”

Before you could process his words or confirm that you’re dreaming (dreaming inside a dream?), Yuto was already ruffling your hair which caused you to splutter for a moment. He looked amused and you wanted to wipe that expression off his face.

Then you remembered what this second chance (dream?) was for. Tomorrow (in ten years?) your best friend will be wed to another. This is the only chance you would ever have at getting him, at redoing everything, at having a second chance, at having any chance at all.

So you look at him and see his easy grin and the way he looks at you. There’s softness in his eyes and obvious adoration. It makes you want to confess to him because you feel like you actually have a chance. It makes you feel like he likes you too.

“Yuto, I--”

You remember stuttering like this during that day, too. The difference is that instead of the school garden you’re in, you were in front of his house then. But the words never came out of your mouth and you bid him goodbye before you could make a fool of yourself.

If you don’t say anything now, you know exactly how things would go. You lived through 10 years of that. So this time, in this dream (second chance?), you want to at least say it. Say the words even if they’re not returned--even if they’re not heard.

“I like you.”

Because even though you’ve been best friends ever since you were kids, you’ve never voiced those words out loud, you could see that it didn’t need any explanation. You didn’t have to differentiate what kind of like you meant.

Most of all, you know he understood you when his grin fell and was replaced with a frown. You saw how the brightness in his eyes dimmed to confusion. You saw a lot, but what you didn’t see was that the feelings were returned.

This is when you know you’ve fucked up.

You wanted to run away, you wanted to turn your back and pretend this never happened. Even if this was a dream (or a second chance), you already regret even saying anything. And you were about to, your feet were all ready to take that first step back.

But Yuto opened his mouth and you were stuck where you stood.

“I…” You could feel your chest constrict and your breathing stop. He was looking at you sadly and confusedly. “I don’t know, but--”

You knew what was coming next. You’ve heard the same words over and over again in your head after all. You imagined it numerous of time in the past years and now, now it’s all coming true. So you immediately stop him before you hear anymore.

“No!” You cut him off and he looked surprised. “No. Just. Let’s. No. I.”

The way he looked at you curiously just makes you feel like the worst person in the whole world. For a dream, this looks way too real and feels way too painful.

“Let’s forget about this. Okay?” You finally take that step back, committing this memory of him in your mind so that you’ll always remember. “Bye.” Then you completely turn around and ran away from him.

You passed by Keito who was walking back. You passed by Yuri and Ryutaro who were deep in conversation. You passed by numerous of people. You don’t stop until you reached the safety of your home, hurriedly unlocking the door so you could go to your room and lock yourself in.

Falling face first on your bed, it didn’t take very long for you to cry yourself to sleep.

The sound of your alarm was the first thing that registered to your mind. When trying to sleep through it didn’t work, you sat up and immediately felt the pounding on your head. After turning off your alarm, your eyes wandered to the open closet.

Your suit was there, ironed and ready for the day.

“Yuto’s wedding…”

Even though you slept through the night, you feel awfully tired and exhausted. It’s like you didn’t get a wink of sleep even though you did. Was it because of that dream? You shake your head and ignored the twist in your heart at the mere thought of that (nightmare).

Being the best man, you know you should’ve come earlier.. But after the exhausting dream and your feelings about to be crushed forever, you decided that you can be selfish just this once and arrive 5 minutes before the ceremony was about to start.

(You had half a mind to not come, but you didn’t want Yuto to hate you forever.)

As soon as you parked your car and opened the door, you were greeted by the faces of Kota and Kei who were fussing over how late you were and how you looked like a mess.

“You’re late!” Kota screamed at you the same time that Kei said, “We need to blow dry that hair!”

Confused at why they’re fussing over, you let them lead you to the dressing room. You were expecting Yuri to be there and scream at you, but he wasn’t. Shouldn’t he be here and panicking over the wedding like all about-to-be-married-men should be?

So you ask them, “Where’s Yuri?”

Kota raised an eyebrow while Kei looked perplexed at your question. They were currently blowdrying your hair and drowning you in face powder.

“Outside. Why? Do you want him here with you?” Kei asked after he finished with your hair. Then he picked up a brush and tried to make you look presentable (or that’s what you think, judging by how he looks serious with his current task).

You were about to ask what this was about and why they’re putting their grabby hands all over your suit, but you didn’t get to. Just as you were about to question them, they already pulled you to your feet and pushed you outside the door.

“Come on, you’ll be late!” Kota told you just as Kei said, “Don’t keep Yuu-chan waiting!”

Then just like that they were off running towards the ceremony area. Late? Waiting? You frowned in confusion until you came up with the conclusion that they meant not to be late as a best man and not keep the groom waiting. Satisfied with this, you followed their path and hoped you don’t get lost.

There weren’t any people around so that means that the ceremony is about to start. You know Yuri will kill you if you mess up his wedding. Taking bigger steps, you were hurrying up until you heard someone moan on your left.

Before you could process anything, the first thing you could say (scream) was, “Yuri?!” There on the side of the stairs was Yuri and Ryutaro with their bodies entangled, hands all over each other as they kissed (made out?). They didn’t even acknowledge your existence as they continued to ravage each other’s mouth (which was not an image you wanted in your brain).

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” You screamed and heard the echo bounce all over the place. Anger flared in your chest at the thought that your best friend is being cheated on, so you stalked over to give him a piece of your mind.

You were almost there, too, about to break their little make out session when somebody (Keito) grabbed your wrist. “Come on, Ryosuke! Everyone’s waiting for you!” he was already walking fast towards who-knows-where and since he’s always been taller and stronger, you were powerless to stop him.

“B-But Yuri is with Ryutaro!” You told him, hoping he’ll go back and let you punch that pretty traitor on his face. That’s what he gets for cheating on Yuto!

Keito just gave you a look with his eyebrow raised before turning to face the front again. “I know, they’ve been making out the moment they got here. That’s nothing new.”

What the fuck?! “What the fu--” You were about to curse at Keito for saying it like it’s something normal. Then you paused because at the back of your mind, it’s saying that it is normal.

“They always make out?” You asked uncertainly and got another raised eyebrow from Keito.

“Always.”

Then for some reason, there’s this sudden flashes of memories in your mind that has never been there before. You saw sudden scenes and conversations and feelings that you’ve never felt before. Not until now.

You saw your dream, the one you had last night, where you confessed to Yuto and ran away before he could finish his sentence. You saw how you cried yourself to sleep that night with the pain in your chest.

You saw how Yuto changed the next day. He was careful and your friendship was almost to the point of breaking until Yuri, Ryutaro and Keito interfered. You heard your promises of forgetting everything and you heard Yuto’s, as well.

You saw how things went back to normal, sort of. Yuto was back to treating you as a best friend, but he got jealous any time someone else got your attention. You felt his tight hug when he told you to not look at anyone else.

You saw how the both of you went to College and had your own set of friends. Him with Kei, Hikaru and Kota while you with Daiki and Yuya. You were still in contact with Ryutaro, Yuri and Keito, but you and Yuto were closer. Closer than ever before.

You saw how, one night, Yuto drunkenly joined you to bed and confessed how he feels confused of his feelings for you. He cried and whispered how he thinks he likes you, but he’s not sure if you still have feelings for him. You remember how he kissed you and fell asleep afterwards.

You saw how he was suddenly touchy after that. He would always be by your side and scared away anyone who even tried to come near you. You felt yourself falling in love with him even more, even if you didn’t want to.

Then your breath hitched when you saw how he kissed you one night and told you he loved you and hoped that you still felt the same way. He looked unsure and afraid that you couldn’t even doubt him before leaning over for another kiss. You remember feeling happy and content to sleep in his arms that night.

There were random snippets of the two of you through the years, until you came to the last one. You were in your apartment, watching something on TV when he suddenly kneeled in front of you and asked you the question you didn’t know you’ve been waiting for forever.

“Here we are!” Keito announced just as you felt yourself tearing up, the tears coming down by themselves. He looked confused at you before he reached out and wiped the tears with his thumb. “Hey, don’t cry. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.”

And the door opened to reveal your family and friends standing up to watch you with proud smiles and suspiciously teary eyes. The music played and Keito was ushering you to start walking, but before you did, you looked at the very front.

Yuto was there, with his scarf and miraculously pressed suit. He looked amazing, but most of all, he looked happy. He was looking straight at you with that smile on his face, that smile that you thought you’d lost to Yuri forever. His eyes were shining even though you’re a whole room apart.

Then you knew, you knew that you needed to walk towards him.

So you did.

Was the dream real? Was the dream a second chance? Is this still a dream? Or maybe, was the past ten years the dream? You didn’t know anymore.

Even though there’s a lot of confusion and question running around your brain, you shrugged them all off. You didn’t really need to answer all of them, because it’s okay, that’s love.

flying without wings (for yatsuiko_chan)

yyexchangemod — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 11:32:26 GMT

Title: flying without wings
Rating: PG
Genre: slice-of-life / fluff / hurt/comfort / AU
Word count: 10,192 words
Recipient: yatsuiko_chan
Summary: they haven't seen each other for so long, and yuto doesn't expect to see yamada with a child. and chinen is just a great friend.
Author's note: i don't know if this made sense but i tried. hopefully i did write something that you want to read, recipient-san! beta said to warn a huge amount of fluff. this is a kid/domestic!au which is different from my usual domestic feel. title from westlife's "flying without wings".
disclaimer: it's the first time i wrote mirai and mariya, so there may be OOC

Chinen had sworn internally as the crowd slowly thinned out in the classroom.

“I can’t believe we’ve graduated.” The voice was muffled as Yuto had buried his head in his arms, lying on the surface of his table one last time before they were chased out by security. The sounds of camera shutters were coming from everywhere, and Yuto could make out a few soft sobs from the girls in their class. A hand had ruffled his hair, and Yuto did not need to look up to see who it was, “Are you a spoilt tape? You’ve been continuously saying that for the past hour.” Stretching his arms, Yuto had reached out and hugged Yamada by his waist before nestling his face into Yamada’s abdomen.

“I will miss both of you,” Yuto whined into the fabric of Yamada’s blazer, and he could only laugh at how childish the Nakajima was, before patting Yuto’s head. Chinen had rolled his eyes, “It’s not like we wouldn’t see each other even after we graduated.”

Looking at the both of them, Chinen Yuri could only sigh at their gutlessness. He noticed the pink tinge colouring Yamada’s cheeks, and how Yamada takes his time to run his fingers through Yuto’s hair. He also noticed how Yuto was drawing small circles on Yamada’s back.

‘Are they that dense? That or they are just dumb,’ clicking his tongue, Chinen had stepped forward to pull them apart before they got kicked out of school.

-

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

-

High school graduation was years ago, and despite what Chinen had said, the flow of their life had swept them apart. He doesn’t know how long it has been when he last saw Yamada. There were many times where he would text the other boy - no, man -, but nothing more. He doesn’t know how long it has been since he had realised his feelings for the other man (or how long it will continue).

But one thing is for sure, Nakajima Yuto did not expect to see Yamada Ryosuke again like this. “Y-Yama-chan?” The familiar nickname rolled off his tongue so naturally that he forgot that he was still on duty. Said man could only stare right back at Yuto with a shocked expression, before a tiny girl tugged on Yamada’s shirt. Yuto had to double back and look at the patient’s card, ‘Shida Mirai’.

She was a ‘Shida’ and not a ‘Yamada’.

“Say hello to Nakajima-sensei, Mirai-chan.” Yamada had bent down a little and patted Mirai’s head. “Good afternoon, Nakajima-sensei!” Mirai chirped before going into a coughing fit. Yuto had quickly hoisted the child up the seat, checking her temperature and doing other standard procedures. “Mirai-chan, say ‘ah’.”

“Ahhhhh.”

“Alright, your throat is red; let me give you a magic potion to heal you.” Mirai had happily nodded, looking at her doctor scribbling notes on her patient card.

While Yuto was attending to Mirai, Yamada stood behind the girl, watching both of them intently. Yuto had matured a lot, Yamada noted. His frame was bulked up compared to when they were in high school. He knew Yuto went into medical school, but he had no idea that he would be practicing in such a tiny clinic. “Yama-chan,” he had looked up at the sound of his nickname.

Smiling at him, Yuto had patted Mirai’s head, “Don’t worry, Mirai-chan here only caught a cold. It would be better if she rested in bed. absta I’ll write her a letter to excuse her from school for the next two days. You can get the medicine at the counter and her excuse slip.” Yamada had quietly nodded before scooping Mirai up into his arms.

“Mirai-chan, remember to drink lots of water or the potions wouldn’t work, okay?” Yuto had towered over him (just like when they were in high school). Looking at Yamada, Yuto had smiled gently at his friend, “Yama-chan, do you mind me visiting you later?” There was silence between them for a moment, only to be broken by Mirai’s coughing fit.

“Nakajima-sensei is coming to our house?” Her eyes were hopeful, and even Yamada knew that she had already taken a liking to Yuto. Smiling to the girl, Yamada pecked her forehead before replying Yuto’s question.

“Sure, we do have a lot of catching up to do. I’ll mail you my address.”

-

The last time Yuto checked, Yamada wasn’t married. Nor did he have a child of four years old. He rang the bell, and he could hear the sound of footsteps pattering on the wooden flooring. The door swung open, revealing Yamada dressed in casual wear (grey sweat pants and a tight fitting black tank top; Yuto had to make sure he doesn’t stare). He had felt out of place in his suit. “Come on in, Yuto. Mirai-chan is already asleep,” slipping on the slippers Yamada had offered, he followed the shorter man into the apartment.

“Have you had dinner?” Yamada asked while he looked into the refrigerator. “Yeah, before I came over,” Yuto explained before putting his bag down on the floor. He had then awkwardly sat down on the sofa.

“Water? Or would you like to have a beer?”

“Water will do. I wouldn’t be able to drive back if I drank.” A glass of water was gladly accepted, while Yamada had settled down with what smelled like tea. They had looked at each other for a moment, before Yamada broke the stare with a chuckle. “You haven’t changed much, Yutti.”

Yuto didn’t know how much had he missed that smile. “I can say the same to you too.” It had been awkward when Yuto came into the apartment, but now, the atmosphere was comfortable (it reminds Yuto of high school where he would lounge shamelessly on Yamada’s bed back at Yamada’s family house). He noticed Yamada’s fingers fidgeting around his ceramic mug.

“Are you not going to ask about Mirai?” Yamada’s eyes remained down-cast on his mug. He knew how people were looking at him - at them. A soft humming came from Yuto’s throat, “You would tell me if you wanted to.”

Throwing his head back, Yamada just simply smiled. It was like all his burden as an adult vanished for a second (he can almost feel like a high schooler again). “I adopted her, Yuto-kun.”

Yuto remained silent, and Yamada sat back up, continuing, “Do you remember Nishiuchi Mariya from our class?” There was a nod signalling that Yuto remembers her.

“We were close, even after we graduated. We went to the same university too. Mariya-chan is Mirai’s biological mother.”

-

“You have to help me, Yama-chan.” After weeks of not seeing Mariya in class, Yamada did not expect her to call him out for something like this. He definitely did not expect her to call him out to tell him that she was pregnant, and was due in two months. They were in a family restaurant and looking at Mariya, Yamada could hardly see her seven months-in baby bump.

He had heard how it all happened. Apparently she was drugged with an aphrodisiac by her boyfriend. They had broken up after that encounter, but it was only three months later that Mariya realised how her periods weren’t coming. She had only knew that she was expecting when the pregnancy kit she secretly got from the pharmacy showed ‘positive’. And with every day passing by, she was counting on baggy clothings to hide her baby bump (though she was lucky that it wasn’t obvious in the first place). “I couldn’t abort a life, you know my stand on that.” It pains him to see his friend so distressed. He could see how Mariya looked much more haggard compared to when he last saw her.

Rubbing his temple, Yamada sighed, “There’s only so little I can do for you Mariya-chan. You should tell your family about it.”

“I can’t. My mother will kill me, you know how she is,” Fingers ran through her hair, before she gulp down her cup of tea. “I will end up having to send her to an orphanage, but I really think she deserves something better; better than an orphanage, better than me.” She slowly trailed off as her hand unconsciously moved to rest on her bump.

He didn’t know what he was thinking, but before he knew it the words were out in the open. “I’ll adopt your child, Mariya-chan.”

“Y-Yama-chan? But if you do, how are you going to explain to your family? Or even explain to your future wife?” Seeing as he had already said it, Yamada took Mariya’s hands into his. “I will find a way to explain to my parents. And I don’t have any intentions of getting married, unlike you Mariya-chan. Don’t worry about it.”

-

Of course he had expected this. The whole Yamada family was silent at the dining table after what he had announced. “I’m adopting a child,” there were no side talks to cushion the impact of the news. Yamada had laid the news out as it was. This was something his family has always done. They were straight to the point when discussing about important issues (the last time it was the announcement of Chihiro’s boyfriend).

“Explain, Ryosuke.” It was his mother that spoke up. His dad was sitting quietly at the end of the table and Yamada could see how his father was shaken by the news (it has always amused him that his mother was mentally stronger than his father). “I’m adopting Mariya-chan’s daughter when she gives birth in less than a month.”

He could see how his sisters were frowning. “Ryosuke, are you out of your mind?” Chihiro’s arms were crossed. The tension at the table was tense and it was suffocating. “No, I have not.”

“Chihiro, let him explain.” Chihiro had backed down from another retort at their mother’s warning.

Yamada had slowly recounted what Mariya had told him as his parents nodded their heads at intervals, showing that they were listening. “Have you thought about the responsibility that you would be shouldering, Ryosuke?”

“Not to forget that you are living alone at an apartment, can you do this?” His father finally added. A deep breath was taken in. He had a long time to consider about this (close to two months was pretty long; necessities for the baby were already littered around his apartment with the help of Mariya). “I’ve thought about it. Mariya would be helping as well, she will grow up with me. I am financially stable with the part-time job I am taking up right now.”

He could still feel doubt from his parents. “What about your future, Ryosuke?” Yamada was quiet for a second. His father continued, “Ryosuke, I know that Mariya-san is an important friend of yours. But have you thought about yourself in this whole turn of events?”

A bitter smile played on his lips, before he looked back up to his dad. Yamada couldn’t possibly tell his parents that he was pretty much gay since high school. Especially since his unrequited love was his best friend Nakajima Yuto (whom he hasn’t contacted since they graduated). “I’m not intending to get married, so it wouldn’t affect me that much, dad.”

Instead of disagreeing with his decision (which Yamada had expected), his father had nodded. “Go ahead,” his sisters had turned to look at their father in bewilderment. “Don’t worry about him. We all know that after he makes up a decision, Ryosuke would stick to it anyway.” Silence fell upon the table, “Even if we disagreed, he would have adopted the child.” A sheepish laugh came from Yamada.

What his father said was true. He had already finished the adoption papers with Mariya, with only a few more blanks to be filled up after the child is born. His father directed a gentle smile towards him, “You’ve never made reckless decisions anyway. Go for it, Ryosuke.”

“Thank you, dad.”

-

Yamada was sure that when he was born, his father felt like this. He was anxiously pacing the length of the hallway while Mariya was in the surgical room. Mariya’s screams of pain could be heard from where he was and all he wanted to do was to be there for his friend. There was a moment of silence, before the cries of a newborn could be heard.

The doctors came out wheeling the baby and Mariya after awhile. “Yamada-san? Mariya-san has given birth to a healthy baby girl,” a nurse had helpfully informed him, and Yamada released the breath of air he didn’t know he was holding.

“Yama-chan, are you sure you want me to name her?” They were in the confines of the ward; the baby girl sleeping soundly in Mariya’s arms. Yamada was looking at the child fondly as she moved a little in her sleep. “Of course, it’s the least she can have of you.”

Tears started to well in Mariya’s eyes as she stroked the tiny life-form in her arms. “Then, I’ll name her ‘Shida Mirai’. Mirai, you’ll have a bright future in front of you, dear baby girl.” A gentle peck was placed on the tiny forehead, and as if she had understood Mariya’s words, Mirai smiled in her sleep.

“She must be having a good dream, Yama-chan.”

“Don’t worry, Mariya-chan. I’ll raise her properly.”

“Thank you, Ryosuke.”

-

Yamada was glad that Yuto didn't stop him from his monologue (he wouldn't know what he would do if Yuto has stopped him half-way; probably run away). Their cups were emptied and left forgotten on the coffee table. "Are you going to say anything?" He was feeling really uneasy; the possibility of Yuto's image of him changing was a huge concern (and Yamada didn't want that).

"Where is Nishiuchi-san right now?" There was concern in Yuto's voice and Yamada had an empty smile on his lips. "Happily married just two years ago. She is expecting her second child with her husband."

"And she doesn't come by to visit Mirai-chan anymore?"

"No she doesn't. Mirai doesn't remember her either, it's better this way." He follows Yamada's gaze, which fell upon a closed door. 'Mirai was probably sleeping there,' was what the doctor thought.

Silence fell upon the both of them again, and Yamada stood up to clear the empty cups. As he made his way back into the kitchen, Yamada heard Yuto whisper, "But it's not fair to you, Yama-chan." The cups were left in the sink, but before Yamada could reply, the sound of the door hinge creaking was heard, before a fit of coughing was heard.

"Papa?" Her tiny fist rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, and a stuffed bear was in a loose grip in her other hand. Blinking twice, her sleepy face lit up before she ran towards Yuto, calling out ‘Nakajima-sensei!’.

"Mirai-chan, are you feeling better?" His fingers ran through the girl's messy hair before hoisting her up into his lap. Mirai had bounced a little on Yuto's lap. "I'm feeling better already Nakajima-sensei!" There was a soft cough coming from her but she was determined to show her best side to her doctor. Looking at how Yuto was interacting with Mirai made Yamada's heart warm. It had almost looked like a family, slowly pieced together (but they weren’t; he was only a friend to Yuto and nothing more, even if he wished that they did).

He had taken a seat beside Yuto on the sofa and reached over to pat Mirai’s head, “Mirai-chan, you like Yuto a lot huh?” Said girl had already settled comfortably on Yuto’s lap, leaning on Yuto’s lean frame. A tiny nod was given in respond, and Yuto hugged the girl tighter, cooing how cute she was.

“Can Nakajima-sensei stay?” Mirai looked up at Yamada with her puppy eyes. She liked Doctor Nakajima. She liked how her father was when Doctor Nakajima was around. Small as she is, she does know that her father looked happier, even if it’s only a tiny bit, around her doctor. “You’ll have to ask him about that.”

“Nakajima-sensei?”

Yuto had looked at Yamada with a nervous gaze, unsure of how should he reply. Their eyes met, and Yamada just nodded. A signal to Yuto that he was fine with staying over at the apartment at Mirai's request. "Well, if both of you will have me," Mirai had immediately jumped up from Yuto's lap, cheering happily (before she lapsed back into her coughing fit. "Mirai-chan," Yamada warned, “don't make your cold worse.").

"You will be here when I wake up right, Nakajima-sensei?" Mirai was still holding onto Yuto's hand, unwilling to go back into her room to sleep even at Yamada's persuasion. "I promise, Mirai-chan. I'll be here with your papa," The term 'papa' rolled out of Yuto's tongue foreignly. It was weird relating Yamada as the father of this girl right in front of his eyes (even though he knows they weren't biologically related; that didn't stop him to feel the need to protect both of them, not that he would tell Yamada).

After a pinky promise and much coaxing from both Yamada and Yuto, Mirai returned to her bed ("Stay with me until I sleep?" "We will be here, Mirai-chan."). The door clicked softly behind Yamada, as both of them quietly left the sleeping child to rest from her cold. "Thank you for listening to her selfish wish, Yuto." Yamada's smile was tired, and Yuto knows how it wasn't early anymore. Shaking his head, he moved over to bring Yamada into a hug. "You don't have to do this alone, Yama-chan." He felt the older man stiffen from his hug, before slowly relaxing into it, resting his weight on Yuto's frame.

"I don't know if you would fit into them but I'll bring you some of my clothes so you can sleep in them." Yamada broke out of the hug and trudged back into his room, Yuto tagged behind him. The room was spacious - almost empty, Yuto would say - it was sparse of furniture. A king sized bed right in the middle of the room, a desk with a laptop on it, and a cupboard near the adjoined toilet. "Yama-chan, you've not told me what you are working as currently." Yuto suddenly mused. They haven't met for so long, and even in their occasional texts, they did not exchange what they were doing. A shirt was thrown in Yuto's general direction, followed by a pair of sweatpants. "I'm working as a kindergarten teacher right now. Mirai-chan is also in my class so I can take care of her at the same time."

This time, a towel was thrown right into Yuto’s face. “Any other questions?” Yamada had cocked his head to the side, and Yuto could almost see the smirk that Yamada had always worn during high school.

“Yama-chan, why didn’t you tell me?”

“How would you have reacted if I did?” And Yamada pushed Yuto into the bathroom to wash himself.

-

"Don't you have work, Yama-chan?" Yuto had pleasantly woke up to the smell of coffee and fried eggs. Ruffling his hair, he had groggily trudged out into the kitchen to see Yamada done up in an apron getting breakfast ready. Yuto noticed how his suit was neatly hung at the balcony, fresh and crisp. A soft hum came from Yamada's throat, his eyes not leaving the stove. "I do, but I can't just leave Mirai at home. The kindergarten doesn't take in kids who aren't feeling well," his voice trailed off as he set the contents (scrambled eggs, bacon and toast) onto the plates. ‘Two plates,’ Yuto noted. ‘One for Yama-chan,’ his eyes followed Yamada’s movement, and he couldn’t stop himself from breaking out into a smile. ‘And one for me.’

"Coffee?"

Yuto had simply nodded as he sat down at the table while Yamada poured coffee into mugs. "I can help you look after Mirai-chan, Yama-chan." Yuto suggested as he started to pour milk and sugar into his coffee. An eyebrow was raised as Yamada stopped half way from putting his mug to his lips, "Don't you have work?"

"Today's a day off, and I have nothing better to do."

"You could've spent time with your lover instead of helping me." A sip was taken from his mug as Yamada tried to hide his cringe. Why wouldn't someone as perfect as Yuto not have a lover? That was almost impossible. "I don't have one. A lover that is,"

"I knew i-wait, you mean you are single?" He had abruptly stopped drinking his coffee and placed his mug down too quickly that its contents spilled a little. The perfect Nakajima Yuto (or maybe it was Yamada's biased opinion) was single. Yamada swore that at least half the female population back in high school had at least had a crush on Yuto in the whole three years they were there. Yuto had chuckled at Yamada's reaction, "Is it that surprising? I could say the same to you too, Yama-chan. You aren't getting married?" They had stared at each other for a second, and Yamada was the one that broke their staring contest by bursting into laughter. He liked how natural he was with Yuto, even if they haven't met for so long. Even though he had hid such a secret from the Nakajima. He was still so comfortable with the other man.

(And so in love with him as well, not that the other knows).

The clock chimed, signalling the time. Yamada perked up. "Just go to work and leave Mirai in my care. Go on," Yuto had urged him. He could see how Yamada was reluctant (of course he would be, she was his child). But he nodded after considering. "Thank you, Yuto-kun." And he had started to dart around the apartment, getting his things and rushing out of the house (not before telling Yuto what was around the apartment so he wouldn't be helpless).

-

He was reading the newspaper when he heard the padding of footsteps on the wooden flooring. "Mirai-chan?" Without a doubt, the child was standing right behind him, rubbing the sleepiness away from her eyes. Her hair was untamed and she was dragging her plush bear by the leg behind her.

"Where's papa?" She asked after looking at her surroundings for a moment. Yuto had hoisted her up and sat her down on the chair beside him at the dining table (where there were extra cushions just to prop her up to the table's height). "Papa went out to work, I will be taking care of you today Mirai-chan!" Maneuvering back into Yamada's room, Yuto managed to find where the older man had kept the thermometer. Leaving the thermometer in Mirai mouth, he went to the fridge and got some pudding and energy jelly out. "Which one do you prefer?" Mirai had only pointed at the caramel pudding, as the thermometer was placed in her mouth.

The thermometer sounded. Yuto retrieved it and patted Mirai’s head, “Your fever has gone down.” He had then allowed the girl to go over to the sofa to watch ‘Doraemon’ while she ate her pudding. The morning was filled with Yuto helping Yamada do his housework (he washed the dishes, wiped Mirai down, changed the sheets, aired out the futon and disinfected Mirai’s room) and taking care of Mirai.

“Are you a wizard, Yutti?” He likes how the child had adopted his nickname and stuck to calling him that. It made him feel close to Mirai. The bottles of medication he had prescribed to Mirai were lined up on the table after she had taken them. As a child, Yuto knows how the prospect of having to take medications was terrifying since they tasted really bad. That was what made him decide that medication would be potions when he was attending to kids. Their imagination would help decrease their dislike for medication (Yuto knows how the aftertaste was terrible) and they would take them willingly, seeing as how they have “suffered injuries from fighting with evil”.

“Of course I am, Mirai. I graduated from Hogwarts!” Mirai was sitting at the table as she continued to look on at the doctor. Her eyes lit up at the mention of ‘Hogwarts’. “Then do you know Harry Potter, Yutti?” Yuto could only laugh at how excited she is.

“He is very popular at school.” A grin played on his lips as Mirai continued to think of questions to ask him about Hogwarts. This was cut off by Mirai’s growling stomach.

“Can you bring me out for lunch, Yutti?” She had whined a little, more concerned about her hunger than Harry Potter. Being sick was bad enough and she couldn’t go to school to meet her friends. It was lonely without her father, even if Doctor Nakajima was with her. Her family only consisted of her father. But he would always try his best to keep her company. She loves her father, and with him, she wasn’t alone. In turn, Mirai knows how hard her father was working so she would try not to be selfish. “Where do you want to go then, Mirai-chan?” Looking up, Mirai saw Yuto was drying his hands on the apron. She didn’t think that he would agree to it.

Going into her father’s room, she saw how Yuto came out with a box. The box where her rubber bands and clips were kept in. “Mirai-chan, do you want me to tie your hair for you?” Yuto had took out a pair of scrunchies and smiled gently at Mirai. The girl could only nod before silently requesting the Nakajima to tie her hair in french braids.

‘I wonder,’ Mirai wonders, ‘if I had a mother, would she tie my hair for me as well ...’ She had smiled when she felt warmth enveloping her body and the gentle tugging on her head as Yuto pulled her hair in place. Her father never had the time to help her tie something so elaborate.

It made her happy.

-

Chinen had never thought that he would be visited by the past (with a hint of the future) while he was out for lunch. He had definitely not expected to see Yuto, in casual wear and carrying a child walking into a family restaurant. "Yutti? Chinen called out. At the sound of his nickname, Yuto turned and was faced with his high school friend. "Ah, Chii! Fancy meeting you here at a family restaurant!"

Mirai had her arms around Yuto’s neck, and the man had bounced her on his arm, trying to get a more comfortable position while carrying the girl. “Mirai-chan, say hello to Chinen.” He had turned to the girl, and Mirai had shyly nodded. “Good afternoon, Chinen oji-chan.” She had promptly hid her face in the crook of Yuto’s neck.

Yuto swore he could hear Chinen muttering under his breath, ‘Ah, oji-chan. Am I at that age already?’ but he bit down his laughter. It made him happy that Mirai had opened up to him almost immediately, compared to how she is reacting to Chinen here (and he had thought Chinen would be less intimidating since he was at least a head shorter than Yuto, though he would never say that in front of Chinen). It was a tiny victory, and Yuto knew that it was a childish competition. But it made him happy nonetheless.

"Do you want to join us for lunch? Mirai-chan said she liked the pasta here, but Yama-chan never had the time to bring her here often," looking at the child, Mirai nodded in agreement. A confused expression surfaced on Chinen's face.

He was never confused; this meant that he was kept out of the loop by his best friends. And he wasn't going to let them off for keeping him in the dark. "Yutti, I think both you and Ryosuke seem to be forgetting something," Chinen had smiled, and Yuto shivered knowing that there was nothing pleasant about that. The last time Yuto saw that smile it was the day before high school graduation when Chinen got fed up with him for not confessing to Yamada.

"Ehrm, Chii? Breathe."

"Yutti,"

"Don't commit murder in front of a child!" Yuto had promptly covered Mirai's eyes with his free hand, "I'll treat you to lunch and explain, okay?"

"Now, that's better, my friend."

-

Mirai was happily eating her pasta while Chinen tapped his finger on the tabletop, waiting for Yuto to explain. "This is Shida Mirai-chan. She's Yama-chan's daughter." Mirai had only given them part of her attention and only nodded to Chinen when he looked at her questioningly. "But 'Shida' and not 'Yamada'?" Chinen cocked an eyebrow up, "And Ryosuke didn't tell me that he is married!"

Without thinking about the consequences, Yuto had stepped on Chinen's foot, hard (which resulted to Chinen kicking his knee with equal strength). "I will explain more but I only know this much, Chii."

"And it failed to dawn on you to inform me as well? Who was the one that listened to your whinings about how little guts you have about asking Ryosuke out?" Chinen had spat out, and it made Yuto cringe. Mirai had continued eating her pasta, heeding little attention to the adults. "I only knew about it yesterday when they came by my clinic Chii." It was only then that Chinen backed down a little and Yuto heaved a sigh of relief.

A small cough came from Mirai and Yuto had quickly patted her small back before passing over a cup of water, which she gulped down thankfully. "Bite your food into smaller pieces before you swallow, Mirai." He was still rubbing her back. She nodded silently in reply. Yuto watched as she took smaller mouthfuls and chewed her food a little longer before swallowing.

"Good girl," Mirai beamed from being praised by the doctor.

Chinen just looked on as Yuto fussed over Mirai (he was now wiping her mouth that was smeared with pasta sauce), "If I didn't know well enough, I would've thought Mirai-chan here is your daughter."

The girl had cocked her head to Yuto's side, before she leaned comfortably on Yuto's frame, "It would be nice if Yutti was my papa. Papa wouldn't have to worry about me too often too." She then proceeded to nuzzling her head on Yuto's arms like a cat. The Nakajima could only smile and pat her head affectionately.

Grinning Chinen looked at Yuto, "Yutti, even Ryosuke's daughter agreed. Isn't it time to take Ryosuke's hand in marriage?"

Said man just flushed and became flabbergast, while Mirai only looked up at her temporary guardian with a confused look and Chinen cackling at his side.

-

“I’m home! I’ll cook dinner right now,” Yamada had called out, depositing his bags on the floor while he removed his shoes. He could hear Yuto’s muffled ‘Welcome back!’ from the kitchen and Mirai’s giggles coming from the living room (and he assumes Mirai was occupied with her favourite anime right now). A whiff of rice could be traced back to the kitchen, and it surprised Yamada that Yuto had started cooking. “Mirai, is your fever better?” Yamada called out from the door. A tiny ‘yes’ came in reply and Yamada heaved a sigh of relief (but they could never be too sure since fevers do return at night).

Walking into the living room, Yamada shrieked and collided into Yuto whom had exited from the kitchen to look why was he screaming. “C-chii?” Yuto was still holding onto him, while Yamada still had his grip on Yuto’s shirt. Yamada didn’t take notice that they were still holding onto one another.

Chinen was lounging on the couch, with Mirai happily sitting on his stomach while being immersed in watching ‘Doraemon’. “Nice couch you have here, Yama-chan.” He was smiling tersely at Yamada. The atmosphere in the living room was tense, except the bubble that surrounded Mirai - she seemed oblivious to the adults’ tension, absorbed in watching her favourite show. Yuto had protectively held onto Yamada unconsciously, while Yamada wanted to shrink out from Chinen’s line of sight. “You should stop scaring Yama-chan, Chinen.” He had walked over to the couch after he seated Yamada at the dining table.

“Mirai-chan, we’ll be talking at the table. Is it okay if you stay here and watch ‘Doraemon’?” Yuto had easily propped her up into his arms. The girl doesn’t tear her eyes away from the screen, “Okay, Yutti. Will dinner be soon?” After Chinen had got out of the couch, he placed her back down and pecked her temple. “It’ll be done soon, I’ll call you alright?”

“Will we have octopus weiners?” Mirai had looked up at him hopefully, forgetting about ‘Doraemon’ for a second. A low chuckle came from Yuto’s throat, and he patted her on the head, “Of course, as requested from the princess.”

He had forgotten that Yamada was there, looking at them from the table. “He’d be a perfect spouse and father,” Chinen nudged Yamada and the older man swatted his friend’s hand away. It made his heart clench that Yuto was treating Mirai like his own daughter. Yuto would be a perfect father and husband, and Yamada’s heart clenched, because Yuto would never be Mirai’s father.

And Yuto would never be his.

The smile on Mirai’s face warmed his heart. He knows how much hardship he had put Mirai through (the lack of a mother, the lack of time he has with her and more). Yamada noticed Mirai’s french braided hair, and knew it was Yuto who helped dolled Mirai up prettily. Sometimes, he questioned how Yuto managed to do such stuff even though he doesn’t have a sister (Yamada knows how to tie and style hairs all because of his sisters, but never had the time to do them up for Mirai).

His train of thought were cut off when Yuto joined them at the table, “I’m sorry for bringing Chii in without warning you, Yama-chan.” There was a sheepish smile on his lips, and Yamada couldn’t blame him. He could imagine what Chinen would do if Yuto didn’t agree to bring Chinen along (probably something along the lines of murder, and Yamada knows Yuto would never allow Chinen to commit murder in front of his daughter). He didn’t even get the chance to shrug off Yuto’s apology when Chinen coughed, interrupting their conversation before it became exclusive to the oblivious lovebirds. As much as he wanted to spend more time together (and get together), their reunion could wait. Chinen wanted answers.

“So, Yama-chan. A four year old daughter called Shida Mirai? Mind explaining to me? Yutti refused to explain anymore other than her being your daughter.” Chinen had his arms folded and he leaned against the back of the chair. He wanted serious explanations after being out of the loop for four years. “I really didn’t expect to stumble upon it like this. Imagine going out for lunch and, by chance, seeing Yuto carrying a child.”

“Neither had I expected to see you, Chii. I didn’t say anything more because it’s Yama-chan’s rights.” Pausing a little, Yuto gestured to Mirai’s general direction, “Plus I’m not keen on talking about such serious issues with Mirai-chan in hearing distance.”

Yamada didn’t know how thankful he was that Yuto was thoughtful for his, and Mirai’s sake.

“Chii, I’ll tell you. In return, don’t cut me off so that we can have dinner as quickly as possible.”

“I’ll leave both of you here. Don’t worry about dinner, Yama-chan. I raided your fridge and started making them at Mirai’s request before you came back.” Yuto’s smile softened a little as he continued, “You’re tired as well, so just rely on me alright?”

Yamada could only thankfully nod and started to explain whatever Chinen wants to know about his past four years of life, starting from where Mirai was from.

-

Within the past 24 hours (a little more or less, Yuto couldn’t tell), he noticed how Yamada was less happy, for the lack of better words. There was a constant frown etched on his features (which is a pity; Yuto likes it best when Yamada smiled, he was like an angel). It was as if Yamada was still carrying onto emotional baggages, shouldering them alone, despite telling both Chinen and himself about Mirai. As he did the dishes, he looked on when Mirai cuddled up against Yamada on the couch, telling him all about her day with Yuto. Chinen had left a little while after dinner, stating that he would come back another day.

“And Yutti brought me out to have pasta!” Mirai had happily exclaimed, coughing a little as the weather started to turn cold at night. Pulling her up into his lap, Yamada hugged her in an attempt to keep her warm. The girl continued to chatter, happy to have the little bonding time she has with her father. “Mirai, have you taken your potions?” Yamada questioned, using the same term, ‘potions’, as Yuto. Never had he seen Mirai so willing to take medication and he accounted that to Yuto’s charm, genuinely caring for people who needed his help.

“I did! Yutti gave me a pudding after I had them,” she was grinning happily before she slipped down his lap, running into her room. When she came back, she was holding a stack of papers. Yuto had finished the dishes and joined them in the living room, promptly plopping himself on the armrest of Yamada’s couch. “Papa, I drew this today!” Mirai had held up a drawing to Yamada, obviously proud of her work.

It was a mess of colours (beige, black, pink, blue, red and green), but Yamada could make out that they were people. Three people. Yuto had inched closer to take a look at the drawing, when Mirai exclaimed, “This one is Mirai in the middle. Mirai’s right side is papa, and the left is Yutti!” He could feel his face flush pink, and he dare not look to see what expression Yuto was wearing (he was curious, but scared). As if the drawing that Mirai had drawn wasn’t embarrassing enough for him, his daughter continued.

“Papa, Mirai wants Yutti as my papa too.” A cough came from Yuto, and Yamada started to panic (he wasn’t going to let Yuto know that he has feelings for him; it was unrequited).

“Mirai, do you know what are you saying?”

“That Mirai wants Yutti as my papa? Mirai want papa too, and Yutti!” Mirai was worried for a little, emphasising that she wants both Yamada and Yuto. That she wasn’t trading Yamada for Yuto as her father. “M-Mirai, if you like Yuto so much, he can come over again,” he had then turned to an embarrassed Yuto, “I’m sorry, I doubt she knows what she’s saying.”

Both of them tried to look anywhere but each other, laughing nervously, while Mirai watches the two of them.

-

'Yutti, are you coming over for dinner on Saturday?' Mirai's voice chimed from the other side of the receiver. His phone was clasped between his cheek and shoulder as he continued to do his paper work. Patient cards and profiles for the next day's appointments were spread across his table.

"I'll try to come over, Mirai-chan." He continued to scribble laboratory test results on the papers, "Are you still coughing?" Yuto asked the child as an afterthought.

'I'm feeling better! Ah, I'm changing with papa now,' Yuto could hear Mirai calling out to Yamada and he smiled. 'I'm sorry for Mirai's request, she's been asking a lot to meet you, Yuto.'

Yuto chuckled and attempted to shake his head, only to remember Yamada wouldn't be able to see him through their call. "Don't worry, Yama-chan. I miss you and Mirai-chan anyway," the sentence came out before Yuto could stop himself. He wasn't sure if Yamada caught it, but with how Yamada’s side of the line was silent, Yuto guessed the other man had heard him.

Yamada heard what he said.

He heard Yuto say that he missed him.

Quickly recovering, Yuto awkwardly tried to continue their conversation. "I heard Mirai-chan's feeling better?" A sigh of relief escaped his lips when he heard Yamada replying him. 'Yeap, she doesn't have fever at night anymore, and her coughs are mild.'

A cough came from the receiver, "Yama-chan, are you alright?"

'Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm an adult now so I can take care of myself.'

After their long years of friendship, Yuto knew that Yamada wasn't the type to rely on other people. Yamada reminded Yuto of a cat - the closer you get to him, the further he will pull away - and Yuto gave him his own space (though ironically enough, the person who would break into Yamada's space the most is Yuto too). "Alright, just tell me if you aren't feeling well okay?"

'I will, Yuto. It's Mirai's bedtime; tell me if you can make it on Saturday, okay?'

"Okay." Dropping his pen, Yuto reclined back into his chair, holding his phone properly as he rotated his stiff shoulder. "Good night, Yama-chan."

There was a small pause. 'Hmm. Good night, Yuto.'

-

Mirai had pattered pass her teacher, before running into the embrace of Chinen. "Chii-chan!" She was completely plastered against Chinen in a koala bear hug, and he had easily carried the child. "Mirai-chan, let's go eat," the girl had eagerly nodded her head before she waved goodbye to her teachers.

After their encounter at the family restaurant, without the knowledge of Yamada or Yuto, they had formed an alliance.

They like to call it 'Project Get-Them-Together-And-Be-Happy'.

‘To finally bring them together after years of thinking they are having an unrequited love,’ as Chinen words it. In Mirai’s words, it’s more of ‘Papa seems happier with Yutti, so Yutti should be my dad’.

Settling at the same family restaurant they met, Chinen had bought Mirai her pasta and was strategising a plot while they eat. “So how was it, Mirai-chan?” The girl was happily slurping her pasta, before she placed her fork down and salutes Chinen. “Captain Chii-chan! Yutti said that he will try to come over on Saturday for dinner.”

It was all according to plan.

“Papa was also planning what to cook on Saturday night, even though it’s only Tuesday.” A piece of meat was popped into her mouth. This piece of information did not surprise Chinen. Of course Yamada was already preparing. ‘He would be going into panic mode soon,’ was what Chinen thought, remembering how Yamada had almost freaked out a day before Yuto’s birthday even though he had already prepared the present months ago.

Patting the child’s head, Chinen smiled, "Tell me how it goes okay, Mirai-chan?"

"Aye sir!" After saluting the captain of their operation, Mirai continued to dig into her pasta.

-

He did not expect Yuto to arrive so soon. Stifling a cough, Yamada called out, "Mirai! Could you get the door for Yuto?" An apron was strapped on, and the aroma of stir fried vegetables and croquette filled the apartment. He can hear Mirai's enthusiastic footsteps heading to the door, and her immediate cry of "Yutti!" when it creaked open. Yamada could almost see Mirai jumping into Yuto's embrace, and the Nakajima happily carrying her into the apartment after having some difficulty removing his footwear with a child in his arm.

"Yama-chan, excuse me for intruding." Like he expected, Yuto came into sight with Mirai secure in his grip. He had turned to smile at Yuto. "Go take a seat and entertain the girl, Yuto. She's been asking me a lot about you," he had smirked as Yuto cocks his head to the side while looking at Mirai.

"Your charm really transcends generations huh, Yuto?"

"Are you still talking about that after so many years?" Yamada shrugged his shoulders and went back to cooking. Seeing that Yamada wasn't going to reply, Yuto went over to plop down on the couch, along with Mirai.

A comfortable and constant chatter filled the apartment, with the sound of cooking in the background. An uncomfortable sensation hit his throat, and he had quickly walked into the toilet, trying to hide his cough.

If this was how a normal family was like, Mirai would be happy. 'She wouldn't be lonely and she would be able to be selfish like other child,' Yamada had thought bitterly.

Walking back out, Yamada called out. "Come on, dinner is ready!" Mirai had immediately dashed to the dining table, helping him with setting the table. As for Yuto, he had started to bring the food to the table.

'A family huh?' And he looked on at the two people he loves the most help him set the table for their dinner. 'That would be nice.'

-

He didn’t know why he woke up in his bed, or why Mirai had started crying and running out of the room when she saw him wake up. His head was pounding and everything was a blur. When Yuto appeared at the door, Yamada vaguely remembers blacking out halfway through their dinner. The Nakajima had immediately ran to his bedside, sitting down at the edge and resting his hand on his forehead (Mirai was trailing close behind, before climbing up onto the bed and kneeling beside Yamada). “You said you’d tell me if you aren’t feeling well, Yama-chan.” Yuto had took the thermometer out from his drawer (Yamada wonders how familiar Yuto has gotten with his apartment during the few weeks they reunited). He lay there, quietly. There was nothing that Yamada could say. The coughing had started at the start of the week, and Yamada had shrugged it off. Yes, he was feeling under the weather, but he did not expect himself to be having a high fever of 40 degrees Celsius.

The tears on Mirai’s cheeks were dried, and Yamada could see tears still welling in her eyes. “Mirai, don’t get so close to papa. Papa don’t want Mirai to fall sick again,” moving his arm, he patted Mirai with a little difficulty (his arms were heavy, his body was heavy). Sniffling, Mirai was trying hard not to burst out crying again. “Papa, get well soon okay? Mirai was scared.” He had only nodded, and Yuto had quickly brought Mirai out.

Yamada thought that it was amazing how Yuto knew what to do - what he wanted Yuto to do - without actual concrete words.

-

“This is a really bad habit of yours, Yama-chan.” Opening his eyes, Yamada saw Yuto leaning against the door frame with a tray. With long strides, he was quickly at Yamada’s side, and Yamada could see how the tray was filled with different medications, a cup of water and a bowl of porridge. He had gotten up with the help of Yuto, his body being propped up by many layers of pillows. “A bad habit?” The headache was still there, and it was difficult for Yamada to concentrate and do anything.

Looking at Yamada taking his medications, a sigh escaped his lips. “Why wouldn’t you share your burden, Yama-chan? You are not alone.” A wet towel came up to his forehead, and he allowed Yuto to wipe him down. Yamada didn’t reply, knowing very well about this habit of his. “Where is Mirai?”

“I put her in bed, before driving back to get my stuff and pick up some medicine for you,” Yuto had continued to towel him down. Yamada thought about Mirai who was crying, and Yuto who had made himself known that he would be staying tonight, with or without Yamada’s permission.

“Do you know how scared Mirai was when you suddenly fainted at the table?” Yuto had bit his lips (“Did you know how worried I was?” he meant to say, but Yuto kept quiet). Maybe it was because of the fever, Yamada didn’t understand the irritation bubbling under his skin. He knew well enough that he should tell someone when he was feeling under the weather. But he could feel the blood within him boiling. “And who do you want me to rely on?” Yamada’s fists were clenched, the sleepiness he felt before was gone. He knew his voice was a little too loud at two in the morning. He knew that his tone was a little to rude, because Yuto didn’t do anything wrong.

But Yamada didn’t stop.

He was getting increasingly agitated, “What do you know about me, Yuto!” Yamada had gotten up from the many pillows that propped him up, leaning closer to Yuto to make his point known. “It wasn’t you,” he jabbed a finger on Yuto’s chest, “It wasn’t you that have to bring up a child single-handedly.” The volume of Yamada’s voice was getting louder, and Yuto could hear Mirai calling out ‘Papa, what happened?’ from her room.

“Yama-chan,” Yuto tried to call out to Yamada, to try and calm the sick man. “Nakajima Yuto, tell me, who am I suppose to rely on?” He can hear the door to Mirai’s room creak open over Yamada’s yell. “Yama-chan,” he tried again but to no avail.

“Mirai is a good child, but my parents aren’t going to help. Who am I suppose to rely on when I’m not married and never am going to!” Yamada was on his knees, just so he would be looking down at the younger man who’s sitting on the edge of his bed. Yuto could hear Mirai’s footsteps coming closer, and her calls for Yuto and Yamada got louder as well.

Standing up, Yuto grabbed Yamada’s shoulder just as the door to the room opened, “Ryosuke! Stop it and rely on me!” Silence fell in the room, shock evident in Yamada’s eyes. The years he knew Yuto, never once did the other man call him by his given name, reason being ‘It’s more natural to call you Yama-chan,’ when Chinen asked Yuto once. Seeing how Yamada was still with shock, Yuto took this chance to bring Yamada into his embrace. His hand was soothingly rubbing Yamada’s back, and he could feel Yamada’s burning forehead at the crook of his neck. “Stop burdening yourself with all these responsibilities and rely on me. It pains me to see you like this,” Yamada was shivering, and Yuto pulled him closer. He wonders if the fever had made Yamada more truthful about his burdens.

“Why would you do that, Yuto-kun? We are just friends.” Each syllabus of ‘friends’ were stressed. It was laced with thick bitterness Yamada had resigned to the fact that his affections for Yuto was unrequited. He could still feel Yuto’s hand rubbing soothing circles on his back, and tears pricked his eyes. A hum came deep from Yuto’s throat, “This is probably very late, but don’t push me away after I say this okay?”

“Say what?”

They stayed in the same position. No one moved. “Promise me, Yama-chan.”

“Okay.” Yuto could feel Yamada nod, and he took a deep breath. His feelings for the other man had been locked inside him for the longest time (Chinen would dub it as ‘since forever’). It was now or never. “I love you, Yama-chan. I don’t know when it started but probably since high school.” It was pushed out of his lips in one breath, and Yuto had closed his eyes, waiting for Yamada’s rejection.

But it never came.

Yamada’s head still lay in the crook of his neck, his hands still clutching onto the fabric of Yuto’s shirt. There was a tremble in Yamada’s voice, “You’re kidding right?”

“I’m not, are you going to hate me now?” He had stopped rubbing Yamada’s back, ready to let the older man go. However, he realised how Yamada’s grip on his shirt tightened. A soft sniffle could be heard, and Yuto felt dampness on his neck. It was then that he realised Yamada was crying.

A bitter laughter came out of Yamada’s lips, “Ah, this is so stupid.” Yamada pulled back from Yuto’s embrace, hands still gripping onto the fabric of Yuto’s shirt.

“I hope you have a good immune system, Doctor.” And without any other warning, Yamada closed the gap between their lips. After the initial shock of Yamada’s soft lips on his, Yuto had wanted to deepen the kiss, only to hear a tiny squeal at the side. Breaking apart, both of them saw Mirai hiding her face behind her plush at the door.

Her voice was muffled as she explained why was she out of bed, “B-because I heard papa shouting, so I came to see what happened …” Trailing off, Mirai continued to hide behind her plush, embarrassed about what she had walked into. Her father kissing her favourite adult friend.

Yuto quickly helped Yamada back into bed, and Yamada patted on the area beside him, signaling Mirai to go over. The girl had gladly paddled to Yamada’s side, before clambering up the bed, snuggling up to her father’s side. “Sorry for waking you up,” Yamada gently stroked Mirai's head, urging her to fall back into slumber. He was still having a fever, and Yamada figured that he would ask Yuto to carry Mirai back to her room when she falls asleep. "Papa, do you like Yutti?" Her voice was thickly laced with sleep, and from the side of his eyes, Yamada could see Yuto pausing from cleaning up the bedside table (which was filled with medication and cold porridge).

"Hmmm, does Mirai like Yutti?" He answered with a question, and he could see how Mirai is trying to stay awake to answer him. It wasn't long before Mirai nodded, "I like Yutti like how I like papa. Papa looks happier when Yutti’s with us!" Looking up innocently at her father, she saw how his face was flushed red.

"So papa, do you like Yutti?"

"I do like Yutti." Stating his affections for Yuto was easy now. Looking up, he smiled at Yuto who was looking at both him and Mirai. "Yutti should be Mirai's daddy," it was a sleepy statement and before any of the two adults could reply, Mirai had fallen back into slumber.

A chuckle came from Yamada's throat. Their eyes met, and Yuto could see a gleam in Yamada's eyes. "So, what do you say? About being Mirai's daddy while I stay as her papa?" The smile playing on Yuto's lips got bigger, and moving closer, he leaned in to capture Yamada's lips with his for a moment. Yuto was smirking while whispering against Yamada's lips, "Of course I am up for it. Should we start calling each other 'darling' and 'honey' while we are at it?" Yamada playfully swatted Yuto away, all the while grinning at Yuto’s playful suggestion.

"Put Mirai back in her bed, honey."

"I will, darling. Go back to sleep. Sleep the fever away,"

Putting the things away, Yuto easily scooped the girl into his arms and quickly transported her back into her room. It was amazing how Yuto’s very late confession made every burden he was carrying until then disappear. He felt reassured that he can rely on Yuto; like how he always had (or how Yuto had always made him rely on him) back in their high school days.

After a long time, Yamada remembered how it was to be happy.

-

When he saw Chinen’s smug look, Yamada knew (better than anyone) that nothing good was up the man’s sleeves. Yuto had moved into Yamada’s apartment after that incident (they had continued to establish their relationship in the morning, with many awkward moments and a few passionate kisses while Mirai was at school). He couldn’t remember when, but they made it a point that Saturday night was now a catch up night at Yamada’s apartment, and Chinen was part of it as well.

“So, how’s married life?” Yuto promptly spit his water out, and Yamada just grimaced before grabbing a cloth to wipe the mess. Mirai was sitting beside Chinen, grinning at her 'parents'. "Chii," An eyebrow was raised, as Yamada questioned Chinen’s intention.

"It's about time both of you hooked up. My high school was filled with memories of how both of you kept thinking your love for each other are unrequited." Chinen paused as he looked pointedly at both of them. "I will have to add that I was made to swear to secrecy to both of you, so I couldn't do anything." He had casually shrugged his shoulder, making it known that it wasn't his fault that both of them had lost the years they could have had together instead of pining (and technically, it really wasn't Chinen's fault).

As if putting in an afterthought, Chinen added, "I have to say though, Mirai-chan makes a good strategist." A giggle came from the girl as both her parents look at her. Yamada cocked his head to the side questioningly. With a sheepish smile, Mirai looked at Chinen, "I didn't do everything, Captain Chii-chan. But I could see how papa looks at Yutti, and how Yutti looks at papa too! It's the same!" By the time Mirai finished her sentence, Yamada's face was tinted bright red. Yuto on the other hand was rubbing his temple.

"I hope both of you are feeling ashamed at how dense you are to each other." Chinen reclined back into his seat as he looks on at embarrassed friends.Their Saturday dinner was filled with laughters afterwards (mostly because Chinen and Mirai teamed up to bully the newly formed couple and eliciting amusing responses from the pair).

-

The simpleness of being happy could be felt. After the many years of thinking it was unrequited, both Yamada and Yuto were able to attain the relationship they longed for (they were still wary if this was actually a dream). Mornings were simple. Yamada would wake up early to prepare breakfast and get their bentos ready. If Yuto was lucky, he would wake up with an armful of a sleeping Yamada (in which he would kiss him awake). The apartment would be filled with the smell of coffee and toast. Waking Mirai up was Yuto’s job, as he would pick her up and toss her into the air, and Mirai would laugh sleepily and screamed to be put down.

Yuto would pull Mirai’s hair into different styles while Yamada made sure that Mirai had packed everything for school. They would leave the house together, with Yuto driving the both of them to the kindergarten before he goes off to the clinic.

On Yuto’s off days, he would bring Mirai back home while Yamada continues his work. They would do grocery shopping together (while Mirai tries to coerce him into buy her candies, “But Yutti! They are good!” “No, Mirai-chan. Yama-chan would scold me if you ate too much candies. And what if you fall sick?”).

They would take turns to cook depending on their schedules, and Mirai would help at times. When Chinen pops by on Saturdays, he would play with Mirai while both Yamada and Yuto would be in the kitchen (though occasionally Yamada would kick Yuto out to the living room, “Go play with Mirai, I’m fine alone.”).

At bedtime, Yuto took up a habit to read to Mirai before she sleeps. Mirai loves these stories, but she would then pester Yuto to tell her stories of his past, especially during his high school days (“Yutti, tell me how you met papa!”). When Mirai finally give in to slumber, Yuto would then go back into Yamada’s room - their room - where Yamada would be. They would kiss; sometimes it was a chaste kiss that conveyed ‘goodnight’. Other times were filled with passion as their tongues battled for dominance and their hands roamed, bringing each other closer (both physically and mentally).

The cycle repeats.

It was something that neither one of them would imagine actually having. Their lives were simple and filled with smiles and laughter. It brings them joy to see how happy their loved ones are. The simple knowledge of how Yamada would peck his forehead when he thinks that Yuto was still asleep brings warmth to Yuto’s heart (it brings up Yuto’s ego, knowing things about Yamada that most people don’t).

It was satisfying. They didn’t need anything grand to make their lives fulfilling.

The happiness they felt as a family made them feel like they could fly without wings.

It was the simple daily lives that they spend with each other that make it worthwhile.

I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up to Be Yours (for lovetoosweet)

yyexchangemod — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 11:05:28 GMT

Title: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up to Be Yours
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, Romance
Word Count: ~2700 words
Recipient: lovetoosweet
Summary: Yuto is a Gryffindor chaser. Yamada is a Hufflepuff seeker. They fly around in circles and find each other on land. (feat. Chinen as the Quidditch commentator because of course.)
Author’s note: So I know you had whole plots but my eyes zoomed in on ‘Harry Potter AU’ and ‘established relationship’ so I went with that. I hope you still like it. ♥ Special thanks to all the people who had to listen to me whine about this. P.S. This fic is obviously written by me. The title alone should give me away. Enjoy reading. ;)

*
“And they’re off! The Gryffindor team is looking really good versus Ravenclaw for the second game of the season. They have first-year wonder chaser, Nakajima Yuto, on their side. Everyone was shocked when this tiny newbie scored the first goal of the term during the Gryffindor versus Slytherin match.”

The cheers in the crowd echo loudly throughout the stadium as the players zoom past them.

“Oh shit, there we go again. GRYFFINDOR SCORES! RAVENCLAW COME ON!”

“Chinen, no swearing! Also, no house bias,” Professor Matsumoto cautions.

“Sorry professor,” Chinen says with a shrug. “Go Ravenclaw,” he whispers.

“CHINEN! Focus on the game!”

“All right. All right. So we have Nakajima to Yaotome to – OH, Yaotome drops the Quaffle after dodging a well-placed bludger. Inoo grabs the Quaffle with his lovely fingers mind you and flies too fast for Gryffindor’s Keeper and RAVENCLAW SCORES. TEN-TEN. That’s more like it!”
“Ow! All right! No house bias,” Chinen mumbles, blue scarf contrasting with the sea of red to his left.

“Gryffindor currently has the Quaffle. The Ravenclaw chasers surround Nakajima Yuto!” Chinen remarks excitedly.

Suddenly, Yuto’s broom starts to twist and move on its own. Yuto drops the Quaffle and the crowd screams. He panics as he loses his grip.

“Yuto!” Chinen yells urgently, watching the boy in scarlet robes slip from his broom. “Yuto, wake up!”

Yuto awakens with a start.

“Yuto? Yuto, wake up. We’re going to be late,” a voice says.

“Yama-chan?” Yuto says groggily. He rubs his eyes and sees Yamada sitting at the foot of his bed. He lets out a relieved sigh.

“What time is it?” Yuto says with a frown, hugging his pillow forcefully.

Yamada rolls his eyes and tugs at Yuto’s leg. “It’s 6a.m. You were the one that wanted to get up with the sun.”

“I need all my good luck routines right now,” Yuto protests, sitting up. Yamada scoots closer to him.

“Mhmm,” Yamada says. “So let’s move already. I need a shower and a huge breakfast.”

“Always the pig,” Yuto teases, his morning grogginess slipping away.

Yamada scoffs and moves to get up but Yuto stops him with a hand on his arm.

He tugs softly on the yellow and black scarf around Yamada’s neck until the boy’s face is just inches from his.

“Good morning, Yama-chan. Thank you for waking me up,” Yuto says, kissing Yamada on the forehead.

Yamada tries to fight back a smile but fails.

“Come on,” Yamada says softly. “Quidditch captains can’t be late.”

“All right,” Yuto says as Yamada tangles their fingers together and leads him.

*

“I wasn’t going to mention this earlier, but is that a banana in your pajama pants or are you just happy to see me?”

“Oh shut up,” Yuto groans. “It’s early in the morning. These things happen.”

“Okay, so what’s your excuse for that time in the changing rooms?” Yamada replies with a smirk.

Yuto stops in his tracks and turns scarlet. “I told you. We said we’d never talk about that incident again.”

“But you always blush so prettily when I bring it up,” Yamada cackles.

Yuto looks stricken. “Let’s just take a bath please,” Yuto says gesturing desperately to the huge bathroom. “Look, the bathing pool has pink bubbles and a… fruit basket?”

“I’m going to kill Chinen,” Yamada mutters as he eyes the foamy pool.

“Hey, Chinen was nice enough to give us the password for the Head Boy Bathroom. It’s not his fault he thinks we need pink bubbles and- and lube? I’m going to kill him,” Yuto hisses, tossing the bottle at Yamada’s head.

“Not a bad idea. I mean you’re clearly ready,” Yamada chimes eyeing Yuto’s tented pajama pants.

“No, Yamada, it’s a game day,” Yuto whines.

“That’s what you said last time,” Yamada says, tossing his clothes off. “But if you say so,” he continues, slipping into the warm water. Yamada sighs contentedly. “The water’s reaaally nice.”

Yuto pouts and slips off his clothes.

“Things were so much easier when I hated you,” Yuto mumbles. He wades through the warm water and wraps his arm around Yamada. The shorter boy smiles up at him as Yuto presses him against the edge of the pool.

“Hate you too,” Yamada says before he leans up to kiss Yuto.

Yuto kisses back lazily, hands trailing down Yamada’s torso.

“Morning breath,” Yamada whispers as Yuto’s tries to lick into his mouth.

“Don’t care,” Yuto says, nibbling on the side of Yamada’s lip.

He bites down harder and Yamada gasps.

“There’s a good boy,” Yuto whispers pressing their bodies closer and finally sliding his tongue in.

Yamada lets out a muffled moan into Yuto’s mouth. His fingers clutch onto Yuto’s back.

“Please,” Yamada begs in between kisses, rutting slowly against Yuto’s thigh.

Yuto trails kisses down to Yamada’s neck, hand squeezing Yamada’s waist. “We’re supposed to eat breakfast and I don’t know, meet our teams?”

Yamada takes Yuto’s other hand, dips it into the warm water, and places it on his half-hard dick.

“You’re supposed to be my boyfriend,” Yamada says, gasping slightly when Yuto grazes his teeth over his neck. “And I don’t know, blow me first?”

“Always so demanding,” Yuto says, lifting Yamada up so he sits on the ledge of the pool. The water drips down Yamada’s waist and the taller boy stares a bit too long.

“Hello there,” Yuto says mockingly as he bends down to lick Yamada’s full length.

Yamada’s tangles his fingers into Yuto’s hair.

“Yuto, please,” He begs.

“How long do we have until breakfast?” Yuto asks, blowing air onto Yamada’s hardening cock. Yamada bites his lip.

“Forty-five minutes, I guess,” Yamada answers, tugging on the other boy’s hair. “Stop making me beg.”

“But I love it when you do,” Yuto says cheekily, before taking Yamada into his mouth.

--

“I take back what I said earlier. Chinen can stay alive,” Yuto says, breathing heavily against Yamada chest.

“Lube, towels, condoms, even bloody blindfolds,” Yamada says, flushed and happy. “We should send him a real fruit basket.”

“Definitely,” Yuto replies, pressing a kiss to Yamada’s forehead.

“We have to move now don’t we?” Yamada mumbles, breaking their comfortable silence.

Yuto nods, hands trailing down Yamada’s cheek. “We can’t be late,” he states.

Yamada sighs but forces himself to slip into the slightly colder water.

They bathe quickly after that, sneaking soft kisses, and ignoring the giggling stained glass mermaids behind them.

*
“Oh, shit. Um. Sorry.”

“Shit, wait! I swear this isn’t what it looks like,” Yuto says.

Yamada has his hands over his eyes. This is not what he expected to see in the changing rooms before his first practice on the Hufflepuff team. Nakajima Yuto. Chaser extraordinaire. Hard in his Quidditch robes.

“It’s none of my business,” Yamada says. “It happens to all the thirteen year-olds, I’m sure,” he says, voice slightly teasing.

“No! It’s not like that. It’s just. Well. During Gryffindor’s last Quidditch match my broom got confiscated because I did that illegal looping thing that no one told me about. So, I had to borrow one of Hogwarts’ brooms. I just- I forgot that they’re usually for first years so they vibrate when you fly too high,” Yuto rambles. He stops and blushes, refusing to look Yamada in the eye.

Yamada laughs, taking the hand of his eyes. “Whatever you say, Nakajima.”

“I’d ask how you know my name but,” Yuto shrugs. “You’re the new Hufflepuff seeker, right? I see you flying around the Quidditch field at night.”

“Cocky and a stalker. I’m learning so much about you already,” Yamada says. “Yamada Ryosuke. Third year like you. Going to crush Gryffindor this year.”

Yuto smirks. “I doubt that.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Yamada says. “See you around,” he adds, glancing at Yuto’s crotch before leaving in a fit of giggles.

“Yama-chan, wrong turn,” Yuto says, nudging Yamada to the right.

“You’d think after seven years, I’d have mastered this place already. It’s the god damn stairs,” Yamada mutters. “They always move at the strangest times.”

Their linked hands swing in between then and Yamada chuckles lowly when a first-year quickly moves out of the way.

“You’d think that after all these years, people’d be used to us holding hands in the hallway,” Yamada adds.

“Hashtag power couple,” Yuto says gleefully.

“Why the fuck do you keep saying hashtag?” Yamada replies exasperatedly.

Yuto laughs as they turn the corner into the Great Hall. “We’ve been through this before, Yama-chan.”

“I swear you’re making these things up,” Yamada says rolling his eyes.

“Hashtag true story,” Yuto says.

“Shut up,” Yamada retorts, rolling his eyes and shoving the taller boy away.

“Hey, hey now, no hurting other players before or during the game!” A voice interrupts. “Unless you two are into that.”

“G’morning, Chinen,” Yuto says with a grin. Yamada gives him a wave.

“How are my two favorite Quidditch players?” Chinen asks walking in-between the two.

“Are you allowed to have favorites?” Yamada asks. “You’re the commentator. You’re supposed to be unbiased. But then again, it is hard to resist my charm.”

Chinen scoffs. “This is what I’ve been telling you, Yuto. You’re so alike. How did you not notice earlier? You both play Quidditch. You’re both competitive. You both think you’re the sun that everyone revolves around. You guys were meant to b- ow!”

“Sorry,” Yamada says unconvincingly.

Chinen flinches then smiles a little too sweetly. “You best believe I will embarrass you in front of everyone later. May the best team win!”

Yuto groans as Chinen skips away. “Is he going to make ‘riding wood’ and ‘can really handle balls’ jokes again?”

“Definitely,” Yamada says chuckling. “He would’ve done that even if we were nice to him though, so, no worries.”

They stop at the entrance of the Great Hall.

“Are you eating breakfast with your team?” Yuto asks, scanning the crowd for scarlet robes.

“Yeah,” Yamada sighs. “Last minute bonding. Pep talk. Bashing the hell out of you. The usual.”

Yuto’s lips twitch upward. “The usual indeed,” he says, spotting his teammates.

“May the best team win,” Yuto repeats. Yamada smirks as Yuto mouths ‘that’s us’ at him.

Yamada flips him off as they separate.

Yuto blows back a kiss.

*
Yuto rushes into Divination with his book bag open and his shirt untucked.

Ignoring the amused stares he gets, he squeaks a quick greeting before sitting down at the nearest table.

“What did I miss?” Yuto whispers to the person on his right.

“You mean aside from that last goal versus Slytherin? Nothing much.”

Yuto’s jaw drops and he realizes it’s Yamada he’s sitting next to.

“You’re on a Quidditch team for a year and a half and you think you’re some hotshot,” Yuto mutters. “Why were you even at the game?”

“Our team always watches other games to scope out the competition but there’s clearly nothing to worry about,” Yamada says.

Yuto makes an affronted noise.

“Jesus, Nakajima, I’m kidding,” Yamada says. “You should see your face. We are better than you though.”

“At least I’m tall,” Yuto says and Yamada gasps.

“Is there a problem here?” the professor asks, interrupting the two.

“Yeah, they think they’re being subtle with their flirting!” A voice calls out. Everyone laughs as the two boys glare in the direction of the voice.

“Thank you, Chinen,” the professor says with a small smile. “Now everyone settle down. As I was saying-”

The pair sits in silence pretending to understand the lesson on reading the stars and interpreting the moon’s phases.

Yamada breaks the peace with a cough. “Are you flirting with me?” he asks hesitantly.

“You’re a cute confident Seeker who comes out of nowhere and steals my ‘next big thing’ spotlight with flashy catches and cheeky smiles. Why would I like you?” Yuto deadpans.

Yamada’s face falls. He opens his mouth to apologize but Yuto stops him.

“Just kidding, Yamada. You should see your face. Of course I’m flirting with you,” he says with a small blush. “If you can’t beat them, bang them.”

Yamada guffaws and Yuto doesn’t mind the slight scolding he gets from their professor after.

“Hey, Yuto.”

Yuto whips around to find Yamada standing in front of him.

The whole Hufflepuff team cheers in the distance.

“Shut up, guys!” Yamada yells back at them.

Yuto chuckles as the Gryffindor team grows suspiciously quiet.

“I, uh,” Yamada says. “My team wanted to wish you all good luck.”

“We don’t need it,” Yuto replies instantly.

Yamada rolls his eyes. “I know. I think they just want to see if we’ll make out in the Great Hall again.”

Yuto huffs. “That was one time.”

“You bent me over a table, you idiot,” Yamada says, blushing. “I had scrambled eggs in my hair.”

The Gryffindor team cracks up at that.

“Hey, be nice,” Yuto says, standing up and putting his arm around a scowling Yamada.

“I never want to see that again,” Ryutaro shouts from the Slytherin table.

“No one asked you, Morimoto!” Yamada snaps back. “I swear you’d think he and Chinen never tried to do it in an empty classroom,” he mutters under his breath.

Yuto smiles fondly at Yamada. “You’re adorable when you’re angry.”

Yamada snorts at that. “And you’re horribly sappy when you’re nervous.”

“I still haven’t got my good luck kiss,” he replies.

“I thought you didn’t need luck,” Yamada says, pulling Yuto closer.

“I need you?” Yuto tries, smiling coyly.

Yamada dips and kisses him fervently, ignoring the wolf-whistles from all over the Great Hall.

*
“Don’t you have a snitch to catch or something?” Yuto says when he sees Yamada hovering nearby him.

They’re in the Quidditch field an hour before curfew. The twilight is settling in around them.

Yamada ignores Yuto and does a loop around the taller boy.

“It’s too dark to see now,” Yamada says. Yuto throws the Quaffle at his head.

“What was that for?” Yamada says, dodging the ball. It falls to the field below them with a soft thud.

“It’s our first year with a later curfew and you’re talking about how it’s too dark to practice?” Yuto asks incredulously.

Yamada pouts. “I didn’t think you would actually book the whole Quidditch field for us to practice.”

Yuto hovers beside Yamada. They look out at the dark field below them. Yuto reaches for Yamada’s hand but Yamada glides past him.

“Did you think this was going to be a date?” Yuto teases, cutting in front of Yamada’s flight path.

“Yes,” Yamada says, sighing exaggeratedly.

Yuto beams. “Well I did book the entire Quidditch field for a reason. But, you really do have to catch the snitch first.”

Yamada gives Yuto a confused look.

“Come on,” Yuto insists. “Just play along. Here let me help,” he says, taking his wand out of his robes.

“Expecto patronum!” Yuto says as a horse-shaped light forms in front of them.

“Someone’s been practicing,” Yamada says, eyes wide in awe despite himself.

“Maybe I’m just really happy right now,” Yuto replies with a grin.

Yamada grins back before zooming away. Yuto watches him as he darts after the now visible snitch, illuminated by his galloping patronus. His heart races in his chest.

(Later, when Yamada catches the snitch with a tiny note tied to it, Yuto tries not to jump out of his skin.

If Yamada knocks Yuto off his broom in a flurry of ‘yes yes I’m yours yes’ and they end up making out in the grass, no one has to know but the looming stars.)

“And the captains, Nakajima Yuto and Yamada Ryosuke, shake hands...which is bullshit really. Give us a kiss!” Chinen insists as his voice resonates through the stadium.

Yuto and Yamada flip off Chinen in synch and the cheers from the crowd grow even louder.

“Hey, I’m sure that’s some sort of penalty!” Chinen says, smirking in spite of himself.

“Nervous, Yamada?” Yuto calls with a knowing smirk.

“You wish,” Yamada replies. “I have my good luck charm right here.”

The Gryffindor captain leans in closer to Yamada. He’s so tempted to kiss him again. It is their last game at Hogwarts.

Instead, Yuto whispers, “Whoever loses gets handcuffed.”

Yamada barely hears the warning whistle over the blood rushing through his ears.

God, he loves Quidditch. And Yuto. He grins to himself as he flies out of the way of the flurry Chasers around him.

“Eyes on the prize,” Yamada mutters, but his eyes flit past the snitch and find Yuto instead.

He tightens his grip on his broomstick as Chinen’s voice rings in his ears.

“And, they’re off!”

*

Day 1 (for ao_hoshi)

yyexchangemod — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 10:52:44 GMT

Title: Day 1
Rating: General
Genre: Romance / Fluff
Word count: 3,921 words
Recipient: ao_hoshi
Summary: Ryosuke fell in love with Yuto when he plays drums. He doesnt know that Yuto and he have alitle accident. Yuto found Ryosuke really annoying. But Ryosuke doesnt change and still chase Yuto. Will Yuto heart will turn on Ryosuke?
Author's Note: Its still far from perfect fanfic. I also make a lot of change from my recipient post. But i make it as close to it as i can. I hope you can enjoy. The title is from K.Will’s Song – Day One. I recommend listening to this song. It’s a good song.

Ryosuke played the music through his earphone. He danced to the music’s rhythm along the hallway. Ryosuke wasn’t aware of his surroundings. In front of him, another student was standing there. He was reading a thick book, and wore thick glasses too.

Ryosuke fell down with his earphone detached from his phone. He picked up his ear phones before standing up to look at that person.

“That hurt. Anyway, who are you?

The other student was much taller than him; Ryosuke looked up to see the other student’s face before reading his nametag.

“Naka- Jima- Yu- To-, Nakajima Yuto!”

“What? Why are you calling my name like that?”

“Aren’t you curious about me? I just felt down. Aren’t you going to help, or even take me to the infirmary?”

“Do I need to do that? You fell down by your own mistake. Why must I help you? It’s a lesson to you. Walk properly, Baka!”

After talking rudely like that, Yuto walked away, leaving Ryosuke with a strong urge to curse him.

Ryosuke walked in a different direction from Yuto, towards his own classroom. The last bell rang a few minutes ago. He needed to get his bag first before going home.

When he arrived in his class, he found his twin, Daiki. Daiki stood in front of the class with a hand on his chest.

“Oi. Dai-chan. You were here?”

“Where did you go? I’ve been waiting here since the bell rang and couldn’t find you,”

“I fell down and had a little accident. By the way, do you know Nakajima Yuto?”

“Who’s that? I don’t know. Just get your bag. Your lovely brothercalled asking to pick him up first,”

“He is your brother too, Silly,Dai-chan.”

Ryosuke and Daiki walked in the direction of the bus stop, but curved off to fetch their younger brother first.

Yamada Ryosuke will turn 17 this year. 2nd grade in Horikoshi Gakuen. He is Yamada Daiki’s twin. Even though they are twins, their faces aren’t the same. Daiki studied in the same school, but in a different class. They are often mistaken for each other and so, the teachers separated them. But, their level of cuteness is the same. They are really cute. They have another younger brother, as cute as they are, that is 3 years younger. Yamada Yuri.

They lived in a high-class apartment. Their mom worked as an elite architect and their father is one of the police department’s elite investigators. Because of their parents’ work, Ryosuke and Daiki usually took care of Yuri.

“Hey, Dai-chan. Why should we pick up that childish boy?”

“He called that his boyfriend couldn’t escort him home. So, we must do it. And of course, Mama would never let him come back home by himself,”

“Oh my. Sometimes, Mama needs to know that his youngest son is old enough to be independent. He’s in 2nd grade of middle school, and he already had a boyfriend,”

“Eh, it looks like you don’t know your own mom well,”

“I know, I know. Let’s pick him up, before our ears turn red from hearing him spew vulgarities,”

The thing that is different between Ryosuke and his twin is a lover. Daiki found his boyfriend when he was in the 1st grade. His lover was an upperclassman. He is a a kind of yankee in the school, but he is also a vocalist of a famous band in the city. Takaki Yuya.

Yuri had also found his boyfriend even though he is only in his 2nd grade of middle school. Nakajima Ryutaro. He is from the same class as Yuri.

Ryosuke and Daiki found Yuri in front of his school. He looked at them with an annoyed expression.

“You are late by 7 minutes and 42 seconds,” Yuri said.

“What! How can you even say that to your own older brother. It’s great that we still went to pick you up,” retorted Ryosuke.

“If Ryutaro come to school today, I would not have told you to fetch me,”

“Eh. That’s enough, you two! Let’s go home already. I’m hungry. So – just – let’s go,” Daiki said while pulling on both Ryosuke’s and Yuri’s arms.

Once on the bus, they went straight to the rear where the long row of seat was. Yuri sat in the middle of his twin brothers.

“Hey, Yuri-chan. Ryutaro’s surname is Nakajima, right?”

“Hm. Is there any probs? Ryo-nii?”

“Does he have an older brother?”

“He only said that he have an older sibling. I don’t know if it’s a sister or brother. I’ve never met with his family,”

“Anyway. I heard Papa’s returning back again to his lovely lab this Saturday,” Daiki informed.

“Another case? We will be free this Saturday night, right?” Yuri asked.

“Maybe. And I think we will be free from Papa. Why ask?”

“Accompany me to the Town Festival this Saturday night? Ryutaro invited me there, but I can’t go if it’s not with you. Mama will never let me go if it’s only with Ryutaro,”

“Actually, I wanted to invite you too. Yuya’s band is playing there. And I must watch it. You too, Ryo-chan. Because you don’t have boyfriend yet, I’ll introduce you to Yuya’s band member. Who knows, they might have your type,”

“Yankee? Sorry, I’m better with geeks than yankees. And you! Both of you! Your reasons for inviting me are so that the two of you can have a lovely time with your own boyfriends, right? In the end, you will just leave me alone,”

“Don’t worry, Ryo-chan. I will tell Yuya’s band member to accompany you. Or maybe, if you manage to find a boyfriend quickly, we can have a triple date!”

“Ah! It’s up to you!”

On Saturday night, after getting permission from their parents, they went to the Town Festival. By the entrance, Yuri’s boyfriend, Ryutaro, was already there waiting.

“Yuri-chan. Good evening. Ah, Ryosuke-nii and Daiki-nii. Nice to meet you,”

“Ryutaro-kun. Nice to meet you too,” Daiki greeted.

“Let’s get going. The festival will begin shortly,”

“Hold on. Ryutaro-kun, can I ask something?”

“What is it, Ryosuke-nii?”

“Do you have an older brother?”

“An older brother? I do. He’s even playing for today’s festival. You know the band that’s performing today? He’s the guest star. If you want to meet him, I can introduce him to you after he performs,”

Inside the festival grounds, Yuri and Ryutaro separated from the Yamada twins to be lovey dovey together. Because Yuya was busy with his band, Daiki accompanied Ryosuke to walk around the festival.

Daiki looked at his phone before tapping Ryosuke’s shoulder. Ryosuke was eating a candy that was shaped like a chicken.

“Hm? What?”

“Let’s go. Yuya’s band will be perfoming soon. Yuri had messaged me that he’s already on the stage,”

Ryosuke and Daiki went to the front of the stage. Because of their relatively small body size, they must be up close to the stage to have a clear view. They found Yuri in front of the stage too.

When Yuya’s band was performing, Daiki couldn’t stop shouting Yuya’s name. Ryosuke’s eyes, on the other hand, couldn’t look away from the drummer. He thought that he knew the person. That guy, Ryosuke thought, looked cool and hot while playing the drums. Ryosuke held his own hand and gulped saliva down when he saw that the one who was playing the drums got sexier when sweating.

“Hey, hey, Dai-chan. Do you know the boy playing on drums? Oh my, he is really cool,” Ryosuke mentioned after Yuya’s band finished their performance.

“You said that your type isn’t yankee. I forget his name. Yuya will have to introduce me to him. But I forget his name,”

“He is my older brother, Nakajima Yuto. He is one of your schoolmate actually,” Ryutaro spontaneously answered.

“WHAT!!! Are you joking? Nakajima Yuto? Impossible! The Nakajima Yuto that I know is not cool like that,”

“I’ll take you backstage if you want. You can introduce yourself to him,” Daiki invited.

“No need, Dai-chan. I don’t dare to do that,”

But Ryosuke can’t argue when his brother pulled him along to go backstage.

“Ah! Yuya! Good job!!!” greeted Daiki

“You came, Dai-chan? With your cute brother?”

“Yeah. Ah! Ryosuke wanted to meet your drummer. Can you take him here, so that Ryosuke can introduce himself,”

“Oh. Okay. Wait a minute,”

Yuya come out with Yuto behind him. Daiki smiled at him, but Ryosuke hid behind Daiki. He gripped Daiki’s sleeve.

“Ah, Yuto. Let me introduce him to you. My boyfriend, Yamada Daiki. Daiki, he is the drummer on my band, Nakajima Yuto,”

“Nice to meet you, Nakajima-san. I bring my twin here. He wants to know you. Ryo-chan. Hurry,”

Ryosuke keep his head down when he step out from behind his twin brother.

“I’m Yamada Ryosuke. Nice to meet you. Nakajima Yuto-san,”

“I think I’ve met you before,”

“We go to the same school. Horikoshi. Maybe you’ve met us in school,” Ryosuke hedged.

“But, I have a different style in school. How would you know I’m in the same school as you?”

“Your brother told me before. So, we may have accidentally met in school,”

“My brother? Ryutaro? Ah! I think I know where I met you. You were the one that fell after bumping into me, right? Ah! That stupid person!”

“WHAT?? You still call me ‘stupid’? You’re the one that’s stupid!”

After arguing, Ryosuke stomped out from the backstage. He headed right for the bus stop to go home.

Ryosuke felt ashamed. He didn’t think that the one that bumped into him a few days ago will be the same guy that he thought was really cool when playing the drums. He regretted thinking that Yuto is sexy. But he cannot deny that Yuto looked really cool when he plays the drums.

In the Next Morning

Ryosuke entered the dining room with puffy eyes.

“Ryo-chan, can’t sleep?” his mom questioned.

“Yes. I have insomnia last night,”

“Just get your breakfast and then you can continue sleeping,”

“Alright, mom,”

However, after Ryosuke finished his breakfast, he didn’t return back to sleep. He entered Daiki’s room and jump onto Daiki’s bed. Daiki lay on his bed, playing with his phone.

“What happened to you, Ryo-chan?”

“Dai-chan, what should I do?”

“Eh? Whatever you want to do? You are really strange,”

“I think I am fallin in love,” Ryosuke plainly said.

“EEEH??? YOU?? Fall in love? Ah, with Yuto, right?”

“Haaah. What should I do, Dai-chan. I’m really crazy right now. Dai-chan, help me. Give me suggestions, please,”

“Then, just confess to him. It’s easy!” Without ending his line, Daiki was whacked by his twin.

“You know, he even looked down on me last night,”

“Then try again tomorrow. I wish you luck. I have a crazy idea, but it’s up to you. Whether you want to follow it or not,”

“What? Tell me your plan?”

Daiki whispered into Ryosuke’s left ear. Ryosuke furrowed his eyebrow, unsure about Daiki’s plan.

“You think I should do that?”

“Why not? You should be willing to try anything to get that kind of guy,”

“Okay. Lets try it tomorrow,”

Monday, 08.00

“Yuto-kun! Good morning!!”

Yuto looked annoyed at Ryosuke, who was greeting him from the school’s gate. He didn’t return the greeting and walked straight to his class.

“Yuto-kun. Why don’t you reply to my greeting? I already waited- hmm, 30 minutes here,”

“Did I tell you to wait for me? I didn’t. It’s your problem. Get lost!”

“Then! I’ll come to you during lunch time. Don’t you dare run away,”

Ryosuke walked away from Yuto because they were in different classes. But, during lunch time, he went to Yuto’s class. He even sat in front of Yuto.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just want to meet you. And also, I bought lunch for you. Here,” Ryosuke declared and passed Yuto a lunch box.

“I don’t need that. Why don’t you share that with your twin. Just get lost. I don’t need you here,”

“I’ll just leave it here then. Maybe you’re shy and you don’t want to eat in front of me,”

Ryosuke left the lunch box on top of Yuto’s desk and exited Yuto’s classroom.

Yuto thought that Ryosuke might get enough of him because he was still acting coldly towards Ryosuke. But he was wrong. In the photography club that Yuto had joined, Ryosuke suddenly jumped in and waited for him until club activities was over. Ryosuke even asked a lot of questions regarding photography. He even requested Yuto to take his photo. And also, Ryosuke made Yuto his model.

Yuto was not only being cold, he had also yelled at Ryosuke when he found Ryosuke stalking him on the way home.

But Ryosuke did not change. He was still as clingy and always followed Yuto around. After receiving Yuto’s numerous cold replies and yells, Ryosuke still persisted. This moved Yuto’s heart.

“Hey, Ryo-chan. You’re still doing that? Following Yuto everywhere. I had just randomly gave you that idea about being good to him, and you changed to be his stalker,” Daiki said.

“Because I don’t know what I should do anymore. I thought that this would get more of his attention. But what I get is his cold response and yells. I don’t know what to do. I want to give up, but my love for him getting bigger and bigger.”

“Why don’t you just confess to him already? If he really returns your attention, you can chase him again. But, if he rejects you, just leave him. You deserve a good one, Ryo-chan.”

“Should I do that?”

“Just try it Ryo-chan. I don’t want my lovely twin to look like this. Cheer up, Ryo-chan.”

“Thanks, Dai-chan. You’ll always be the best brother to me,”

In the next three days, Yuto found something missing from his life. Ryosuke stopped being his stalker. And on the fourth day, Yuto found a strange envelope in his locker.

“Who would give me such a scary letter like this?” Yuto puzzled while holding a blood-red envelope.

Yuto opened the envelope and read the letter.

Yuto-Kun

Good morning.

Ah, right now you’re probably missing me because I stopped being your stalker. Actually, I didn’t stop. I just paused being your stalker.

If you think I’m stalking you for fun, you got it wrong. I’m really falling in love with you. You’re that handsome with glasses on and you look like a neat student. And I’m also falling in love with the cool you when you play the drums.

I didn’t want to be your stalker at first. But, Daiki told me that I should give you attention so that you know I’m in love with you. But I think I went too far with the plan.

Hey, Yuto-kun. You know, when I’m being your stalker, many friends of mine told me that we look good together. Why don’t we go out?

I know you’re perfect. But I am average in all senses of the word. But I’m not that bad either, right? Hm, I think I’m cute when I smile. Don’t you think so too?

I will stop being your stalker if you can answer my riddle. It’s a simple riddle. You just need to find out what I mean and answer the question.

Here is my riddle:

In the first time i meet with you

Look a like prince from fairy tale, Perfect

Or maybe, you are. Perfect but deeply hidden

Very cool is my second impression of you

Each of us has different personalities, but that doesn’t matter to me

You’re still the one that I love the most, and I still want you

On this letter I want to say something beside ‘love’ to you

Until now, I haven’t said: Would you be mine?

Solve that riddle and answer my question. I will wait for you in the school rooftop until you come. I will definitely wait for you.

Ryosuke Yamada

Yuto folded the letter and went for band practice. He doesn’t care about Ryosuke’s letter although he knew the answer to Ryosuke’s riddle.

It has been two hours since Yuto’s rehearsal with Takaki’s band. He took his bottle and gulped down water to overcome his thirst.

“Yuto-kun, when will you stop practicing?”

“Hm. Maybe after a few more songs. I need to match up with you guys. Is there any issue, Takaki-kun?”

“Nope. I’m happy that you want to practice more. But I think you’ll have to stay here longer. It’s raining heavily outside. I think it will be a typhoon if the weather doesn’t calm down.”

“If it’ll become a typhoon, I’ll just sleep here. I don’t mind.”

Before Takaki can answer Yuto, his phone rang. It’s from his boyfriend, Daiki.

“What’s up, Dai-chan?”

“Yuya, where are you?”

“In the practice room. I have band practice today,”

“Yuya. Is Yuto there?”

“Yeah. Do you want to talk with him?”

“Can I?”

Takaki handed his phone over to Yuto, informing Yuto that Daiki wanted to talk with him.

“Yuto here,”

“Yuto-kun? Is Ryosuke with you?”

“Ryosuke? No. I’m not with him.”

“Did you meet him after school?”

“No. I didn’t meet with him. Is there any problem with Ryosuke?”

“He hasn’t returned home. I left him because he said he needed to talk to you first. If you aren’t with him, I don’t know where he is now. It’s okay, Yuto, I will tell our parents to look for Ryosuke.”

“No. I think I know where he is. Just wait a little. Don’t tell your parents because they will really worry.”

“Thanks, Yuto-kun,”

Yuto cut the line and handed Takaki’s phone back. He took his jacket and went out.

“Yuto, be careful!”

“I may not return. Just leave my bag in here. I will take it back tomorrow.”

Yuto jumped over the school gate that has already closed. He dashed to the rooftop. He is sure that Ryosuke will still be there. Yuto’s clothes are already soaked from the rain. But he does not care.

“Ryosuke!”

Yuto found Ryosuke sitting on the bench in the rooftop. His clothes are completely wet.

“Finally, you come, Yuto-kun,”

“Why are you here! Daiki has been very worried about you. Go back home!”

“I will go back home after you answer my question. You came here, so you must have solved my riddle. You need 2 hours to understand my riddle? You are so slow.”

Before Yuto can answer Ryosuke, Ryosuke fell, passed out. It is lucky that Yuto held onto him before Ryosuke’s body touched the concrete floor.

Yuto carried Ryosuke until they were out of school. The gate has been closed, so Yuto threw a kick to crush open the padlock. Once outside school, he took a taxi to bring Ryosuke back. He texted Takaki, asking for Ryosuke’s address.

Daiki opened the apartment door to find Yuto and Ryosuke completely wet. He took Yuto into Ryosuke room and told him to change into his dryer clothes while he changed Rysouke’s.

As it was night time and still raining, Daiki told Yuto to sleep beside Ryosuke. Daiki does not have the heart to shoo Yuto away, so he let Yuto sleep in Ryosuke’s room.

In the morning, Ryosuke opened his eyes and found Yuto beside him. He smiled and sighed deeply.

“Is this a dream? Why can I see you beside me?”

“Are you awake? Ryosuke-san?” Yuto open his eyes slowly.

“Is this not a dream? I only recall waiting for you on the rooftop.”

“You passed out when I came to you.”

“Hey, Yuto-kun. Answer my riddle, please.”

“You’re still asking that? After all that happened?”

“I’m curious about your answer.”

Yuto was not saying anything. He shortened their distance and landed a kiss on Ryosuke’s lips.

“That’s my answer,”

“Yuto-kun, really?”

“But I want you to stop being my stalker. I have a place beside me, why don’t you stand beside me and walk together with me. Don’t you ever dare to hide behind. Your place is not behind me, but beside me, understand?”

“I understand! Thanks, Yuto. But when did you start falling for me?”

“From the first time you acted as my stalker.”

“Then, why do you act so coldly towards me? If you love me then, why not show it?”

“I just wanted to know how far you would go to show your love for me.”

“Ah, is that so. By the way, today’s our Day One.”

“It’s First Day, Ryo-chan. Not Day One. Did you really score badly for English? Hahaha.”

“Just shut up. I like ‘Day One’ actually.”

Yuto pinched Ryosuke’s nose, making the latter giggle.

They don’t know that Ryosuke’s room was ajar. Through that small gap, Daiki saw it all. After making sure that his twin brother was happy, he closed the door.

“Finally, you have someone that loves you back. I am glad you’re happy, Ryo-chan,"

All those things that we are not (for an_jung)

yyexchangemod — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 10:18:40 GMT

Title: All those things that we are not
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance. Warning for MPREG!!!!
Word Count: 8,200~
Recipient: an_jung
Summary: Yuto left Johnny’s & Associates ten years ago and thought that part of his life was over, but he was wrong.
Author’s note: Dearest Recipient-san, an_jung, I know for a fact this is not what you wanted or expected, I am very, very sorry about it. I tried to take elements from your request and make them into something new. I really hope there is still something that you can enjoy here! Eternal thanks to my beta, who took my hand and dried my tears, and to S because she is my cheerleader and I’ll marry her. And thanks a LOT to all of you who encouraged me through this. I love you, gals :’D

It begins as a harmless thing: a name. Just a name. A tidy set of printed characters on a letter sized assignment proposal sheet. Four characters. Ink on a page.

Yamada Ryosuke.

“You are kidding me, right?” Nakajima Yuto’s agent might not be the person most prone to joking there is (he had to have some equilibrium, after all), but this sounds crazy even for Yuto’s crazy life itself.

“It is a big opportunity,” Suzuki says, his usual deadpan in place and Yuto’s insides tingle. “It is Yamada-kun’s first photo book, as you might know. His solo career is at its peak and the photographer who shoots this will have a great deal of exposure. It could be your breakthrough.”

“And the Agency okayed this?” Yuto hears his own voice and it’s so high pitched with hysteria it sounds foreign. He didn’t leave Johnny’s and Associates on the best of terms, even if that was ten years and a lifetime ago.

“They actually requested you.”

“They as in management or…”

“Management,” Suzuki answers, oblivious to Yuto’s disappointment. “I do think they are playing a sentimental card to appeal even more to the fans. This is big.”

In the following silence, his manager’s piercing glance and his own hammering heart break havoc in Yuto’s system. It is a great opportunity, even if he is no longer at the stage of his career where he has to struggle to get jobs, and now he is backed up by more than some distant past as idol; Yamada’s popularity has been steadily going up since the days he and Yuto used to work together, too, and to be handpicked by the Agency itself…

In the end, he really doesn’t care about any of those reasons.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” Yuto says, and his voice trembles, but Suzuki doesn’t breathe a word about it, just nods and types something on his tablet and that’s it.

Yuto just closes his eyes and prays he didn’t just make the worst decision ever.

***

It is the worst decision ever.

Somehow having coffee to discuss art concepts with Yamada, without their managers or assistants, just the two of them alone seemed like a great idea before, when he settled the appointment via his agent and Yamada’s agent and everything happened in third person tenses.

But now Yuto is not so sure, as he watches Yamada approach his table in the little low profile bar their managers agreed to hold the meeting on, steady steps and a balanced elegance that wasn’t there when Yuto last saw him, too much time ago.

Yamada grew up a bit, his face is less round, his cheekbones more pronounced and he holds himself differently, with more confidence. He isn't the teenager he once knew and Yuto isn't the person Yamada used to know either. But Yamada's face is so familiar. Yuto was never able to escape properly from it, not even back then. He would have had to flee the country and never log into a Japanese website again to avoid it after all, and he could cope. All these years he was able to cope.

Ten years is one hell of a long time to get over some silly teenage crush, but there are butterflies in Yuto’s stomach anyway and he feels as nervous as in his first assignment as lead photograph.

Naturally, he blows it at the beginning.

“Yama-chan…” Yuto greets with a sigh, and he doesn’t know where that came from. He feels like facepalming himself, but that would be unprofessional. More.

"Eh?" is all the answer Yuto gets.

In the long, long, silence that follows Yamada just stares at him, an eyebrow lifted and the ghost of a blush on his cheeks, but there is no warmth in his eyes.

"Take a seat, please," Yuto says, finally snapping into something akin to a professional mode.

Yamada bows politely and sits across Yuto at the table.

"It's been a long time," Yuto says. It is a formality and it sounds lame, but this time it’s true. It is also the wrong thing to say, apparently, because Yamada's face acquires a guarded expression and Yuto can just feel something bubbling beneath the surface, even though he can't exactly say what.

The awkwardness is back in full swing.

"Nakajima-kun,” Yamada begins to say, and the form of address hurts in an unexpected way, but Yuto keeps on a straight face, nonetheless. “This wasn’t my idea. The Agency came up with this crazy marketing strategy and, while I was against it, maybe you can remember how their suggestions work.” Oh, yeah, that. Yes, Yuto remembers that all right. “So, please let’s keep this as short and formal as we can?”

“Look, Yama-chan,” Yuto says, and this time he enjoys profoundly the spike of vexed heat that ignites Yamada’s eyes for a split second. “I know this wasn't your idea, and it wasn't my idea either. I didn't exactly leave with the Agency’s good graces." Yamada huffs, but he is agreeing. How could he not? He was there too, that is what this is all about. "This was a surprise for me too. But, don't make the mistake of thinking I'm only an amateur photograph on his first assignment. I have fought my way here too, even if you don’t approve of the way I did it."

He is risking it and he knows it. Yamada has changed, but Yuto doesn't think he can change that much, and his short temper must be there somewhere, beneath the entire cool grown up act. Yuto has seen enough glimpses of it in today’s meeting to know he is right.

Yamada keeps silent for a bit. And then he smiles, the first real smile Yuto has seen from him all evening and in more than ten years.

"You have changed," Yamada says with a muffled chuckle.

“I hope that’s a good thing,” Yuto chuckles in return. “We can do this, and I think we can do a great job together.”

“For old time’s sake?” Yamada’s eyes are hooded and the question is a trap. After all, they didn’t part in good terms either.

“For new time’s sake,” Yuto corrects, as he raises his glass. It’s only water, because they haven’t ordered anything yet, but Yamada mimics his gesture, and the smile is still honest when their glasses clink together.

***

Yuto gets to know everything he avoided by quitting barely one day into the making of the photo book.

They have a whole week to shoot and Yuto is taking advantage of the autumn light and colors to make an exterior shoot.

And Yamada looks so tired.

Yuto didn't completely lose track of his former groupmates, even if he didn't actually keep in touch with them. Keito tried, but even he gave up after Yuto not answering his emails for months and months.

Now, Yuto tries his best to understand the pressure Yamada has been under.

Yamada isn't single handedly supporting Hey Say Jump, but ever since Yuto left, and after Ryutaro's scandal a few years later, everything was twice as hard.

And now the agency decided on a solo career for him, in parallel to his group activities, but everybody knew what that usually entailed in the long run, and the rumors were spreading like a wildfire.

Yuto wonders if that same kind of pressure in the end would have destroyed him, if he had continued as retainer of the central position, that is. And then he discards that train of thought, because that, being robbed of the spotlight and relegated to the back, had been what had set everything in motion ten years ago.

Back then, he hadn't been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and everything had been so overwhelming. He just hadn't been able to carry on, not without the support of his friends, and by that time he had managed to pick fights with each and every one of the members of JUMP. It hadn’t been long till it reached the point where Yuto had felt that it was him against the world, and he just hadn't been strong enough to deal with that.

"What is your message for the fans?" The cameraman asks. The Agency decided to shoot a brief making of video of the photo book shooting, for a very expensive limited edition with DVD that Yuto can just bet will sale out in the first five minutes of pre-order.

“I will continue working hard for the sake of Hey! Say! JUMP!” Yamada answers with conviction. It is a set answer, probably rehearsed a million times, but Yamada believes it, Yuto can feel his will to fight in every syllable.

Yamada answers mails and reads fan’s letters on the breaks, while the makeup artist does her very best to hide the bags underneath his eyes and all the other signs of exhaustion. Nevertheless, Yamada’s smile is always perfect, his sexy faces always on spot.

Yuto isn’t sure if he really craves that type of life anymore, but, maybe, he admires Yamada for being able to make the most out of it. Just a little bit.

***

“They are going to want to get both of us in film at some point,” Yamada stage whispers to Yuto, who is all but hiding from the camera crew in some darkish corner of the studio.

They will get some shots against white backgrounds done today for the photo book, so they moved indoors.

“Maybe they could get a shot or two of you talking to the hairdresser… do you think your fans will notice the difference?”

Yamada is suddenly dead serious and his stare is so intense that Yuto’s heart skips a beat.

“They remember you, Yut… Nakajima-kun,” Yamada says, and he doesn’t even blush at the way he almost calls Yuto by his first name. “We all remember you,” and there is venom in that, but there’s something else too. Hurt, Yuto realizes, maybe a sense of betrayal.

He wants to do something about this, but Yamada is already walking away and Yuto is too dumbfounded to do anything to stop him.

And he doesn’t even know what he could say to him anyway.

***

Once upon a time Yuto used to be very good at hiding what he felt. Even from himself. Specially from himself. He would talk about Yamada and say things like if he was a girl he’d date him, and everybody would laugh about it, and that would be it. Just a very popular idol doing fanservice. Yuto could always make himself believe that.

But this is ten years later, and he likes to think he is a different person now, more mature, more honest, with the world and with himself. He also likes to think he is over Yamada, that he left all that behind along with his teenage years, that he grew out of it.

Only maybe he didn’t, and as the shooting week nears its end, Yuto gets more and more anxious about the eventual separation. And it makes him wonder about the reason.

This is not a new Yamada and, as much as Yuto hates to recognize it, this isn’t a new him either. Everything he thought he had overcome is proving to be right there, frozen in time in his soul, and with every second the clock ticks away, it regains strength, makes itself more patent.

There is a new hidden strength in Yamada, undoubtedly born out of experience, a certain glow that just buzzes around him. But there are shields too, walls that didn't use to be there, a bit of bravado that Yuto knows that hides something, a weakness Yamada doesn’t want anyone to notice.

And Yuto can see Yamada, the real one, in flashes and glimpses, underneath it all. The same insecure boy that wanted to quit the Agency and came to Yuto looking for a reassurance he just wasn’t capable of giving him at that time, the same boy that blushed when Yuto complimented him back then, the same boy that Yuto had to run away from, so many years ago.

And the cruel certainty that nothing has changed, nothing at all. The same ice gripping his heart, the same longing igniting every inch of his skin; the sighs that make him feel like he’s fifteen again, holed up in his room thinking about everything he can’t have.

“Are you all right?” Yamada asks, eyelined eyes looking up at Yuto from a pile of red satin sheets. There had to be a shot of a bed in the photo book of course, and Yamada with an open shirt and leather pants, looking as tempting as ever, sprawled on it. Yuto’s life is hard like that.

“Yes,” Yuto answers. But maybe he isn’t. After ten whole years, maybe he is just as screwed up as he was before. And maybe he will never be all right.

***
Predictably the sales are outrageous and the photo book sales out in every pre-order site known, in Japan and overseas, months before the release date. The Agency leaked a ten seconds compilation of the making of DVD, low-fi and pixeled, and Yuto has seen the screen capture of the split second in which he appears beside Yamada posted and dissected and photoshopped in so many different web sites he just resigned himself to not go online for a while. Maybe a year or two.

It hardly comes as a surprise that the number of calls Yuto has been getting with job offers has increased exponentially too. Some of the clients just want to ride on the wave of the sudden fame of his name, but there are some pretty interesting projects too, and he is actually looking forward to a couple of them.

The unexpected comes later, weeks after finishing the shoot and selection of the pictures, days after he and Yamada said goodbye and parted ways and Yuto thought that was going to be it, that he wouldn’t see Yamada ever again, or at least not in a very long while.

And the unexpected presents itself in the shape of Yamada at the door of Yuto’s apartment, in ripped jeans, dress jacket and a crispy white shirt, with his trademark loose tie and his hair tousled up. Yuto forgets how to talk for a whole minute when he sees him, and it’s not because of the faintly smudged eyeliner, not completely at least.

“Yama-chan…?” Is the only thing Yuto manages to breathe out. He is barefooted, in sweats and a T-shirt, and the contrast between both of them is so stark that Yuto can’t help but chuckle. “What are you doing here?”

“I escaped from the most boring promo after-party ever,” Yamada answers, giggly and bubbly, so obviously tipsy that Yuto just laughs. “But I come bearing gifts? Or whatever…” Yamada smiles and it takes Yuto a bit to notice that Yamada is handing him a bottle of champagne, because his heart is somersaulting in his chest.

Yuto doesn’t ask questions, just invites Yamada to go into his living room and goes in search of glasses.

“So you never gave up drumming…” Yamada sighs at the specialized magazines displayed on Yuto’s low coffee table when Yuto comes back. “Or ass boring jazz music that no one could really digest, either,” he comments, as he discovers Yuto’s CDs collection.

“You can blame Hikaru for half of those,” Yuto retorts, after uncorking the bottle. He pours champagne in two tall glasses and hands one of them to Yamada, who takes it without looking at Yuto.

“You two still talk…?” Yuto really admires the attempt at nonchalance in Yamada’s voice.

“Not anymore. Not for a long while, no.”

Yuto drinks from his glass as he watches Yamada go over his albums and it is a tad surreal; the aircon is keeping the cold of the early winter night away with an almost imperceptible buzz and some blues band is softly playing on the stereo, because yes, Yamada is right, Yuto never got over the kind of music that drove Yamada crazy with boredom; and Yuto doesn’t know quite what to say, even if the silence is stretching farther and farther away from comfortable at each moment.

Yamada is trying to look relaxed, but he is far from achieving it, stiff shoulders and muscles tense as if about to snap. Yuto gets to the bottom of his second glass of champagne before he decides he needs to say something, anything.

“So who are the fangirls pairing you with these days?” Yuto asks, in hopes of lightening the mood, as he fills his own glass for the third time. He is a bit dizzy; he has always been a lightweight drinker anyway and champagne has this tendency to go straight to his head like woah.

Thankfully, Yamada chortles, even if he still doesn’t look his way.

“Chinen, mostly,” Yamada answers. He seems to find something interesting in Yuto’s music collection then, because he takes a CD out and stares at it, and when he continues talking it’s like an afterthought. “Sometimes Yuya.”

Yuto just chuckles and watches mesmerized as Yamada finishes his drink in one go while looking intently at the CD he has just pulled out of the shelf. Yamada is beautiful and enthralling, and Yuto was a fool to think he could ever get over all the things that Yamada makes him feel; the need to protect him, the frustration of knowing Yamada won’t let him; every charged silence and all the empty words, and the sheer panic Yuto feels sometimes, the violence of understanding, ten years later, that he can’t forget.

“This,” Yamada says, accusingly weaving a battered and worn down copy of Bitches brew in Yuto’s direction. And Yuto nostalgically remembers tours and hotel stays, and the music blasting from his headphones so loud that he was sure Yamada could hear it from his own bed across the room. “Oh, gods this.” And Yamada’s voice has an edge of hysteria that Yuto doesn’t know how to interpret. “I can live my entire life without listening to Miles Davis ever again, like ever… forever… my whole life without ever… never again...”

“Yama-chan…” Yuto whispers, concerned because Yamada’s whole body is shaking. He walks toward him, grabs Yamada’s shoulder with one hand while tilting up his chin with the other. “Are you okay?”

“Don’t call me Yama-chan,” Yamada all but pleads. His eyes are a little glazed, his cheeks flushed, and he is gritting his teeth, his jaw set in a stubborn grimace that is fooling no one; and Yuto feels the blood in his veins soar with the pull Yamada is exerting over him. “Nobody calls me that way anymore. I haven’t heard that stupid nickname since you quit...” Yamada’s voice cracks at the end, and this is the most vulnerable Yuto has seen him in his whole life, and this is it. He can’t hold back anymore.

The CD case falls to the floor with a clack as Yuto’s lips find Yamada’s, and Yamada kisses back with a desperation that Yuto can feel isn’t born only from alcohol and deep night. Yuto himself feels the pull and the urgency from too many years of yearning and longing that finally have an outlet.

“Yama-chan,” whispers Yuto, as he kisses down Yamada’s jaw line and it means ‘I missed you’, even if he can’t articulate it. “Yama-chan,” he sighs again, as he lavish the skin of Yamada’s neck with soft, wet kisses; this time it means ‘I want you’, and Yamada’s body understand the message just right. “Yama-chan,” and Yuto takes Yamada’s hand, intertwines their fingers, and Yamada squeezes them back.

Yuto just follows Yamada’s lead, and he doesn’t let go of his hand, not even when Yamada takes them to Yuto’s bedroom and navigates them to lie on the bed.

“Ryosuke… I...” Yuto pants, out of breath and restraint, but Yamada’s claims Yuto’s mouth and his kiss is a plea that speaks directly to Yuto’s desire. And Yuto has no objections.

So, Yuto kisses back passionately, and he follows Yamada unquestioningly, down, down; champagne bubbles and heat and need carrying him into oblivion.

***

Yuto is a bit hung over when he wakes up. He is also naked and his limbs feel heavy and sore. The rumpled sheets of Yuto’s bed smell like Yamada and even if Yuto can’t remember many details of the night before he can pretty much guess what happened.

Yamada is nowhere to be seen, though, and his clothes aren’t scattered on the floor as Yuto’s are.

Yuto's head is pounding when he reaches for his cell phone and looks up Yamada's name among his contacts, making an effort to focus his eyes, to function.

He is not that surprised when the call gets rejected after two ringtones. He is even less surprised when the next time he tries to call, it goes directly to voicemail.

Yuto lets himself fall to the bed. He is a mess, his hair is ruffled and his body is aching, and his heart feels heavy; and all the anxiety has managed to totally wake him up even if it's barely eight in the morning and his days usually don’t start so early.

He forces himself to get up, turns on the coffee maker and fights the urge to light a cigarette. Instead, he drags himself to his bedroom and tears the sheets violently from the bed; he uses all the willpower he has accrued in twenty five years of existence to not sniff at the fabric before dumping them into the hamper. He feels pathetic enough as it is.

He tries Yamada's cell phone again, goes straight to voicemail, again. The third time, he actually thinks about leaving a message, but he has never been an optimist. He knows Yamada isn't at some important meeting or anywhere else with no phones allowed. Because Yamada never turns off his phone and Yuto knows it; he worked with the man for a whole week, some days fifteen hours a day. Yamada never turns off his damned cell phone.

Yamada is avoiding him.

Yuto showers and thinks about his possibilities while shampooing his hair. He is pissed, but most of all, he is confused. Why would Yamada reach out for him, come to Yuto’s apartment looking for him and then run away? It would make some kind of sense if they were fifteen again, maybe, but now?

He entertains the possibility of letting this whole thing drop, of forgetting about Yamada's late night visit, but he knows it's impossible. Yuto has been dreaming about this since he was fourteen, and the fleeting, imprecise, fuzzy and blurry reminiscence, the flashbacks that haunt his mind and tease his body memory, tingling on his nerve endings, are here to stay. Yamada is engraved in his mind and his skin, worse than ever before, and Yuto needs to talk to him, to try to make this right even if he doesn't quite get what went wrong this time.

It comes to him while putting on his right sock, the greatest idea ever... with a ninety percent probability of failure, but still, is his best shot.

Yuto still has Keito's number on his contact list, he doesn't even know why. Until recently, Keito's was the only number of a Hey! Say! JUMP member that Yuto still had in his phone.

It's a long shot, but it's better than sitting all day in his apartment, moping. He isn't that person anymore; at least he is sure of that.

“I can't believe you still have the same phone number." Is the first thing that comes out of Yuto's mouth when Keito answers the call.

"Who am I talking to?" Keito asks, in super polite speech.

"Yuto. Nakajima Yuto."

The line goes silent for a long while, but when Yuto checks on the display, the call is still going. And then he thinks about this, really thinks about it, and he feels a little bad. Keito used to be his friend, his close friend, even if, by the time he quit, Yuto had managed to piss him off too. Yuto had managed to get into everyone’s bad side by that time, to be honest. That was why he left in the first place.

But Keito had been the only one who had tried to keep in touch with Yuto after he quit, all those years ago, and now Yuto feels guilty about not trying to contact him when this whole gig with Yamada began. He should have, he should have done everything in a different way.

"I am sorry," Yuto says to the still silent line. "I acted like a scumbag, and I am still acting like a scumbag, and I should have contacted you eons ago and... I am sorry."

"Yuto." Keito's voice sounds the same, years and years later. Yuto feels a knot in his throat. He is the worst friend in the history of bad friends. "It's been such a long time...." Keito's tone is warm, and Yuto had no idea how much he had missed his friend until now.

Yuto forces himself to talk past the stiffness of his throat. "Too long," he manages to say. His voice shakes anyway.

"I heard the photo book you shot for Yamada is a big success," Keito says, and Yuto can hear the shift on the background noise, from a large, busy hall to a smaller room, probably the bathroom. "He hasn't spoken a word about it to us, though," Keito continues, and sighs, and this is so weird. Ten years later and Yuto could have seen Keito last week with how familiar this feels. "Is this about him?"

"Yes," Yuto breathes out, closes his eyes and feels his heart get a little lighter when Keito chortles.

"You owe me dinner," Keito says, and Yuto hears the smile as strong as if he was seeing it. "Okay, what do you want me to do?"

"Are you at rehearsal? Is Yama-chan there?" Yuto asks, dread and exhilaration in equal parts making his stomach drop down like a rollercoaster fall.

"Yama-chan," Keito’s sigh is lined with laughter. "I hadn't heard that in a long time."

"I know," Yuto retorts, his voice tight. It hurts, everything hurts. "Is he there?"

"Yeah, he got here like an hour ago looking like crap. What happened, Yuto?"

"I promise to tell you everything, I promise I will. But, for now, can you please give him your phone?"

Keito doesn't even hesitate. He just whispers, "Okay", and Yuto hears him open the door and get into the rehearsal hall. Yuto’s heart still jumps when Keito calls Yamada's name and the cell phone changes hands.

"I can't talk now," Yamada´s voice says on the speaker, way before Yuto can even articulate a word. "I'm in the middle of rehearsal."

"We need to talk and you are not taking my calls. This was my last resort," Yuto states, trying not to sound childish.

Yamada’s sigh is like white noise on Yuto’s ear.

"Can we... can we just...? Okay, wait a second." Yuto hears some fumbling, then a door closing and silence. "Can we not do this? Please?"

"Not do what?"

"This!" Yamada sounds exasperated. "Can we just forget about last night and not...? Can you just let this go, please?"

“What?” Yuto has never been more confused in his life, and he went through half of his puberty while he was on Johnny’s and Associates.

“We were drunk.” And there’s some truth in that, but it’s not the whole truth and Yuto wants to punch something. He bites his lip instead; he isn’t a teenager anymore, no matter how much of one Yamada makes him feel like. “I won’t hold it against you.”

“So we just forget it happened. Is that really what you want?” Yuto says and feels his heart crack a little bit. Because, yes, this was a possibility too, even if he didn’t particularly want to contemplate it.

“... yes.” White noise. Everything around Yuto is pure white noise.

“Yama-ch… Ryosuke…”

“Don’t…” Yamada interrupts him, like a hot knife cutting through his soul. “Just don’t. Please. I just can’t do this right now. I can’t do this at all. Please don’t call me again.”

Yuto hears the click that ends the call, but it takes him a hell of a long time to get his own cell phone off his ear. When he finally forces himself to move, he throws his phone to the floor, as far away as he can manage, watches it break down in bits and pieces and doesn’t care at all.

He will need to get a new phone, he will need to stand up, to move, to keep on living, but for now he can only grab at his hair and try not to scream his lungs out in frustration and pain.

***

The first two weeks are blurry at the very least. Yuto buries himself in work and tries not to think too much about anything. It helps, even if his nights are restless and his days stretch into forever, the clock never seeming to tick quickly enough.

He has been here before, trying to forget about Yamada and to move on, but it was easier without the imprecise memory of Yamada's skin under his fingertips, the softness and the heat, and the way Yamada's voice sounded in the throes of passion haunting him.

And time goes by so very slowly…

He meets up with Keito a couple of times, and Yuto is actually glad to have him back in his life, even if he kind of reminds him of things Yuto wants to forget. It was surprisingly uncomplicated for them to go back to the easy friendship they used to have, and Keito has been nothing but sweet and supportive all this time. Yuto doesn't want to mess around with his loyalties, so he puts on a brave face every time they see each other, and they never, ever, talk about Yamada. Not even one word. Even though he promised Keito he would tell him the whole story, he never asks a thing. Keito is a good boy.

Yuto is not surprised when, one day, Keito materializes, unannounced, at the door of his apartment. Yuto is editing some photos for a project he couldn't care less about and he is desperate for a break, so it’s actually refreshing when he sees Keito on the intercom, even if it puzzles him a little.

The thing is Keito is not alone.

“Chinen-chan…” Yuto mouths, his eyes fixed on the person beside Keito.

“I am sorry,” Keito begins to say, looking apologetic and fidgety. “I tried to tell him not to come, but…”

Some things never change.

Chinen lets himself in Yuto’s apartment. He looks aggravated, and Yuto has missed him too. He has missed the whole lot of his former co-workers an awful lot, it seems.

“We have to talk,” Chinen says in the exact moment that Yuto closes the door. And he sounds ominous enough that Yuto can’t even ponder in how he hasn’t changed that much in ten years.

“Is everything all right?” Yuto asks, dread erasing the smile his features had slip into with the arrival of his visitors. “Is Yama-chan all right?” Because what could this be about if not him?

A zillion scenarios pass by Yuto’s mind in a split second. Car accident, terminal disease, kidnapping, yakuza blackmailing. But nothing prepares him for Chinen flinging an ultrasound at him.

“Eh?” Yuto looks dumbfounded at Chinen, then at Keito, who is all but facepalming himself as he looks at Chinen himself.

It looks like a pregnancy ultrasound; Yuto can see a baby shaped figure in light tones against a black background.

“You might want to sit down,” Keito says, softly. There’s is a weird feeling on Yuto’s stomach, and his nose feels numb for some reason.

“Read the name,” Chinen orders and, as he is seemingly still programmed to do, Yuto obeys.

“What is this?” Yuto forces out. Because at the header of the printout there is the date of a day last week and Yamada’s full name beside Patient. “What the fuck is this?”

“Sit down,” Keito breathes out, trying to calm him, but Yuto can only stare at Chinen hard eyes.

“He’s pregnant,” Chinen says. Solid, serious, final. Yuto feels the floor sinking under his feet.

“Men don’t get pregnant,” Yuto babbles.

“Well he is,” Chinen retorts. “Something about a hormonal imbalance and… things.” Yuto can just imagine Chinen falling asleep during the whole scientific explanation of something that simply can’t be happening.

But Chinen’s pranks were never too complicated, he never had the patience for a complicated anything, and according to what Yuto can see now, that hasn’t changed at all; it’s the same impatient Chinen wanting everything done now, and Yuto can feel it in his gut, feel the truth of Chinen’s words. Besides, there’s Keito, looking grim and dead serious. And Keito never was that good of an actor, Yuto knows, he watched some of his dramas.

“He didn’t want us to know,” Keito explains. “But he told Daiki.”

And Daiki told Takaki, Yuto can bet; he can see the news spreading like in a PowerPoint chart. Daiki, Takaki, Chinen. And Keito trying to stop Chinen only to be dragged here too, possibly driving Chinen. And Yuto really needs a beer now.

“Ryosuke has been a mess for months now.” Chinen’s tone is accusatory. “And he wouldn’t tell us what happened at all.”

“We thought he was stressed at first.” Keito flops down on Yuto’s couch and pinches the bridge of his nose. “He has been overworking himself lately, but that is kind of usual. Then the dizziness and fainting spells began, and we forced him to go to the doctor.” Keito chuckles, the saddest, most tired chuckle Yuto has heard in his whole life. “I thought they would give him some vitamins or something.”

Yuto finally sits down. His head is spinning and the only giveaway of this not being a nightmare is that his brain isn’t this sordid. He wouldn’t be able to come up with something like this, never.

“What the hell happened?” Chinen demands, and Yuto is so shocked that he can’t even quip about it. “I know maybe things didn’t work out for you, but you are supposed to be friends, and you just abandoned him?”

“We were never friends, Chii, not really,” Yuto says, in a trance, as he grabs his head with both of his hands. How can he explain to Chinen his relationship with Yamada? He could never understand it himself. What Yuto felt for Yamada never subscribed to anyone’s definition of friendship, he was always more than a friend to Yuto. “And we were not lovers either, back in the day.”

“Well you are now.”

Sometimes, Yuto admires Chinen matter-of-factness.

“It was just a one night thing!” Yuto yells, nonetheless.

Keito appears to be uncomfortable, Chinen just looks miffed.

“What happened to you? You used to be smart!” Chinen yells too, and it isn’t rhetorical; his voice doesn’t hold an iota of sarcasm, just plain exasperation. “Do you really think anything between the two of you could be a one night thing? Ryosuke has been in love with you for years!”

“You don’t have any idea of what you are talking about!” Yuto is quickly losing all his patience.

“Idiot Yuto, you go to Ryosuke and fix this!” And Chinen sounds as upset as Yuto feels right now.

“Fix what, for the love of all?! Fix what the fucking what?!” Yuto stands up and begins pacing his living room. He has never been good at staying still, that’s why he never gave up drumming. “He is going to have a baby, as fucked up as that might be, and he clearly doesn’t want me in that child’s life! So what the fuck do I have to fix?”

The look that Keito and Chinen exchange makes blood freeze in Yuto’s veins and he stops moving to look at them.

“That’s the thing,” Keito begins to say, standing up slowly and walking toward Yuto. “That’s why we are here. We had to tell you this before Yamada does something he will regret.”

“He isn’t planning on having it,” Chinen says, his eyes unforgiving. “He is going to terminate the pregnancy.”

***

Yuto tries to wait on it, but he just can’t. After the most intense drumming session he’s had in years, he gives up on stop thinking about the whole situation, and he just showers and grabs his car keys. Chinen insisted in giving him Yamada’s address and their schedule for the next two weeks even if Yuto swore he wasn’t going to do this. Of course, Chinen knew better.

Predictably, Yamada tries to close the door on his face when he sees him, but Yuto’s reflexes, for once, are quicker.

“Go away,” Yamada pleads, struggling with the door.

“Oh, please, really?” This doesn’t even qualify as a cheap drama scene, and Yuto’s tolerance is at the end of its rope as it is. “We need to talk, Yama-chan. I know about it, I know everything. We need to talk.”

Yamada stops trying to block Yuto’s way then, lets him inside his apartment and looks defeated as hell.

“I never should have told Dai-chan, he has the biggest mouth in the entire Agency.” Yamada’s shoulders are slumped and he looks so tired, Yuto just wants to hold him, even with all the turmoil that are his feelings right now.

“So... are you really… are you going to…?” Yuto’s voice sounds scratchy, and this conversation is so bizarre and so painful. He tries to control the hurt, tries not to let it surface as resentment, but it’s a lost cause.

“I’m having an abortion. Yes.” Yamada tries to remain calm, but Yuto can feel the slight tremor of his voice and, for some reason, this annoys him to no end.

He didn’t come here specifically to stop Yamada, the situation is surreal enough to make him feel dazed and he only wanted to make sure Yamada was sure of the decision he was making, because the reality of the whole thing hadn’t sunk in yet. But, somehow, the small hesitation in Yamada makes it all hit home in a really ugly way.

Because maybe Yamada does want this, and maybe Yuto himself wants it too, and this situation is so messed up he just doesn’t know how to react.

“I never figured you were the kind of guy that gives up so easily.” It slips past Yuto’s lips, almost without his permission, but it is what he feels, even if he knows it’s not what Yamada needs to hear right now.

“Easily?” Yamada snaps, and his eyes harden. “Do you really think any of this is easy?”

“You aren’t even putting up a fight!” Yuto yells back, incapable of containing his anger.

“And do what, Yuto, for fuck’s sake? Do what? Give up on the group we all fought hard to save?” Yamada takes a couple of steps closer, and their height difference still favors Yuto, but Yamada feels menacing enough, like a trapped animal, unpredictable. “Not giving a fuck and doing as I please, and being a selfish bastard like you were back then?”

“That is not fair!” Yuto forces out, almost out of breath. Low blow.

“You left and never looked back! How was that fair, uh?” Yamada hisses, so much venom dripping from his words he doesn’t even need to yell.

“I was fifteen!”

“You broke my heart, okay?!” Yamada’s voice cracks and Yuto’s soul hurts. “I loved you and you fucking left!”

“That was ten years ago!” Yuto retorts and tries to get closer to Yamada, because he needs to touch him, to embrace him, he needs to make everything all right.

“Yes, it was.” Yamada backs away, adds distance to the infinity between them. “And you have no right to barge into my life now, ten years later and make a mess out of it, or question what I plan to do, when all you have ever done is running away.”

Yuto takes two long steps forward and traps Yamada against the wall, and maybe Yamada expects that Yuto yells at him, maybe he even expects a slap, an attempt at punching his face. But he clearly doesn’t expect Yuto’s hand gently cupping his face; Yuto’s thumb softly tracing his cheekbones.

“I am sorry,” Yuto whispers, his voice wavering and every feeling in his heart tearing him apart. “I am so sorry about the past.” Yuto kisses Yamada’s forehead, and lets himself have a little bit of faith when he feels Yamada’s body trembling at the gesture. “Please let me try to fix this.”

“I don’t want to,” Yamada protests, but his words are feeble, and he is clinging to Yuto’s back. “You already messed me up once; I don’t want to give you the chance to do it again.”

“The last time it wasn’t me who ran away,” Yuto says, his voice soft against Yamada’s temple.

“I was scared. I am scared,” Yamada sighs, giving up. “I thought that terminating the pregnancy was the best option but… is it too weird that I want it? Because I do. And I don’t know what to do...”

“I want it too,” Yuto sighs, and it feels so good to finally be able to say this, to finally have Yamada listen to these words. “I want you, and the baby, and everything. The good and the bad, Ryosuke, I want to have it all with you.”

“Yuto…”

They make it to Yamada’s bed before they start kissing, and Yuto doesn’t realize he is crying until he tastes the salt in their kiss. He laughs, and cries, and the way Yamada clings to his body is a promise, and Yuto wasn’t joking when he said he wanted it all.

Yuto is tired afterwards, and he knows Yamada is too, too many words and heavy feelings, enough to render them exhausted, but, for some reason, neither of them can sleep. So he sits on the bed, and Yamada sits between Yuto’s legs, leans back to rest his back on Yuto’s naked chest.

They fit, they always did.

They talk, in whispers amidst the darkness, about ancient hatred and ancient love, and all the misunderstandings that drove them apart for far too long; they talk about fear, and forgiveness and they talk about the future.

“Move in with me,” Yuto says, his voice all air and muffled by Yamada’s hair. Yuto always loved the smell of Yamada’s shampoo. “Let me take care of you, of both of you.”

“Isn’t that going too fast?”

“This is ten years due; we are the slowest progressing couple in the whole history of mankind.”

“I don’t need someone to take care of me,” Yamada argues, but he tilts his head in order to kiss Yuto’s cheek anyway. “I am not weak.”

“No, you aren’t. You are one of the strongest persons I’ve met.” Yuto nuzzles Yamada’s neck and Yamada smiles soundly. “But, let me? Please?”

Yamada doesn’t say a word, but Yuto can feel him wiggling closer into his embrace. And he has his answer.

The first beams of the sun are painting the sky in the warm colors of sunrise, igniting the world and filling it with light and warmth. Spring is near, the winter almost over.

Yuto places one of his hands over Yamada’s belly. It is still flat, all hard defined muscles and no sign of the life growing up inside, but it doesn’t matter.

“You can’t feel it yet; it is still too little,” Yamada says, trying to mock Yuto, but his words are drenched in overflowing affection.

“I can feel it,” Yuto answers, stubbornly; and it’s true. Maybe he can’t feel volume or movement or anything palpable. But he feels it anyway.

So, Yuto closes his eyes and lets the rising sunlight bathe him, bathe them, and he smiles, saluting his new life and looking forward to it.

***

Tokyo City, 2023

“And then what happened?” The little girl asks, as she burrows into her bed, her eyes so bright Yuto can’t help but smile wide.

“Come on, Yume-chan,” Yamada’s voice, trying to be stern, reaches them both from the doorway of the bedroom. Yumeka mock cringes and Yuto chuckles, the high pitched chuckle that he knows his daughter loves. “You have heard that story a hundredth times and it’s past your bedtime!”

“Please, Ryo-papa.” Yumeka raises her head to look at Yamada, and pleads. “Yuto-papa is almost finishing. Just five more minutes.”

Yuto hears Yamada’s sigh and knows their daughter has won. Again.

“I don’t want to hear you whining about being sleepy tomorrow morning,” Yamada says anyway, but Yuto can tell it’s shallow and just for show. And he stays right there, posed against the doorframe, Yuto can feel him, there is no need for him to look back.

“Well… where were we?” Yuto asks.

“You and Ryo-papa went to live together into a shitty apartment...”

“YUTO!” Yamada’s outraged voice makes Yuto cringe this time.

“Sorry!” Yuto says, looking at Yamada at his back and trying not to laugh, because an irritated Yamada has always been hysterical for him. “Yume-chan, don’t say that word in front of other people, okay?” Yuto tells his daughter, in the mildest admonishing voice he can find.

Yumeka nods, but Yuto just knows Yamada is rolling his eyes.

“So…” Yuto continues, after a deep breath. “We went to live into a tiny apartment, and Ryo-papa took a long vacation.” Almost one year, Yuto remembers, but there’s no need to tell Yumeka neither about that nor about the crazy reaction of some of the fans to the news of Yamada’s hiatus and how difficult those times were. “And then you came along, and you were the prettiest baby in the entire world.”

“Uncle Chinen always says he was cuter when he was a baby,” Yumeka interrupts with a pout.

Yamada snorts. “Don’t mind uncle Chinen, he is full of it,” he says, dismissively.

“Full of what?” Yumeka asks, and they hear Yamada choke.

“If Ryo-papa keeps interrupting this will take longer…” Yuto singsongs.

“Full of what?” Yumeka insists.

“Rainbows and colors,” Yuto says. “But you were still the prettiest baby ever.” And she was, in Yuto’s opinion anyway.

Yumeka seems to accept this. “And then?” She asks and smiles prettily at Yuto, making him melt.

“And then Ryo-papa went back to work with all your uncles and Yuya-chan.” Who, at 33 years old, still deems himself too young for having nieces or nephews, in spite of his siblings providing him of some of those too. “And I took care of you, because I could work from home most of the time.”

“And Uncle Keito babysat me when you couldn’t do it…” Yumeka yawns and rubs her eyes. She is four years old now, but Yuto still can’t look at her as anything older than a baby.

“And that’s why you have such a big family, Princess,” Yamada says, suddenly beside Yuto, as he bents down to plant a kiss on Yumeka’s forehead. “Now sleep.”

“Goodnight, Yume-chan,” Yuto whispers, tucking Yumeka in, and turning off the bedside lamp.

She’s out before they can exit the bedroom with blue walls –blue, because that’s their daughter favorite color. Yuto closes the door and can’t help but chuckle at Yamada’s aggravated grimace.

“You spoil her way too much,” Yamada reprimands him, but Yuto just pokes Yamada’s nose.

“She reminds me too much of you, I can’t say no to her either…” Yuto sighs, circling Yamada’s shoulders, and Yamada only gives a token protest before holding onto Yuto’s waist.

“But then I always have to be the bad parent and she will end up hating me!” Yamada’s pout is only half joke, but Yuto kisses it away anyway.

Yamada clings to him, deepens the kiss and backs Yuto against the wall. He’s been a little stressed lately, busy with the filming of his latest movie and two days away from a countrywide promotion tour that will take him away from home for almost a month. Yamada always gets anxious when he is apart from Yumeka and Yuto.

“Don’t worry. We will be here, waiting for you,” Yuto whispers quietly into Yamada’s ear, because there is no way this is about anything else, and the way Yamada relaxes against him validates his assessment. “I will always be here for you.”

No more running away. Never again. And five years later Yamada should know it, but Yuto is happy to remind him of that as many times as it takes. Maybe forever.

“I love you,” Yamada murmurs, so softly against Yuto’s chest that he could have imagined it, but he feels Yamada’s body heat and knows he is blushing. They don’t say the words too often; they prefer showing their affection with deeds.

“I love you too,” Yuto says, clear and loud, backing down enough to see Yamada’s face. “And maybe we should consider giving Yume-chan a little sister… or brother… don’t you think?” Yuto whispers, in a low, low tone, wiggling his eyebrows and pointedly parting Yamada’s thighs with one of his.

“No way in hell, Nakajima!” Yamada wheezes, but he is laughing now, and Yuto’s work is done for now.

They kiss again, then, and again as they make their clumsy way to their bedroom, and once more when they fall into the bed. And hundreds of times until the morning comes.

"Thank you for your purchase, we hope you'll have a nice day." (for defiancebyfire)

yyexchangemod — Sat, 13 Sep 2014 10:13:19 GMT

Title: "Thank you for your purchase, we hope you'll have a nice day."
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU / Romance
Word Count: 3,367
Recipient: defiancebyfire
Summary: Yuto gets a part-time job at a combini near his campus.
Author's Note: Recipient-san, I hope you like this <3 I'm not really sure if this is what you asked for, but I tried? The idea for this fic was very much stolen from the WinkUp interview.

Ideally, Yuto doesn’t have to work part-time. His parents give him enough allowance for daily expenses and the scholarship covers his school fees.

But Yuto needs the money in case of rainy days, or when Raiya manages to wheedle another few thousand yen for new shoes. Raiya is cute as a button even at seventeen, and Yuto hasn’t learned how to say no to him.

He also has about twelve pairs of shoes in his dorm, besides the ones he has at home, so he isn’t in the position to tell Raiya off for buying too many.

And so Yuto applies for a job at a nearby convenience store.

Initially, Yuto thinks of playing a mental game with himself, in which he tries to guess the number of each product left remaining on the shelf at the end of the day. He only realises that restocking is part of the job when Takaki, his boss, tells him.

“And they say I’m the stupid one,” the older man sighs.

“I… didn’t know?” Yuto mumbles sheepishly, and quickly rushes to restock the fridge.

When he’s done, he finds Takaki leaning on the edge of the counter with an unamused expression. He’s probably in deep shit.

“You know I can kick you out anytime I want to, right?” Takaki deadpans, and Yuto gulps visibly.

“But you’re too cute to be fired, so I guess you can stay~” Takaki grins, and pulls Yuto slightly lower so that he can ruffle his hair and pinch his cheeks.

“Uhm, excuse me?” A voice interrupts Takaki’s cheek-pinching fest, and the victimized boy hurriedly breaks away, rubbing at his abused cheeks. Yuto doesn’t know if he’s imagining things, but he thinks he hears a chuckle from the newcomer.

“May I help you?” Yuto puts on his face-for-customers and a wide grin as he studies the newcomer. Standing in front of him is a relatively short boy with black hair and silver ends, and cute eyes that blink in response. Yuto is pretty sure he’s saying something, but he’s too busy staring at the boy’s eyelashes to care.

“—and I was thinking if I could apply for a job here.”

“How—” Yuto almost blurts out the question, “how old are you,” but it dies on his tongue as Takaki cuts him off mid-sentence.

“I’m the manager here; you can come with me to get the papers filled out.”

As Yuto watches the new boy walk into the back room with Takaki, he wonders why his eyes keep lingering on the boy’s rear-end.

“I’m Yamada Ryosuke, by the way.”

Yuto stares at the hand in front of him, and quickly wipes his palm on the back of his jeans in the most discreet way possibly before taking it. “Nakajima Yuto, I hope you get the job.” He grins, and Yamada grins back.

He doesn’t understand why Yamada’s smiling face is the cutest thing he’s seen this entire week, surpassing Chinen’s embarrassing baby photos.

Yamada eventually does get the job, much to Yuto’s incomprehensible joy. He also turns out to be a very efficient worker – he doesn’t play weird games like Yuto and restocks the shelves like he’s supposed to. Takaki seems to think Yamada’s cute too, judging by how many times the latter’s cheeks get squished whenever he visits, and Yuto feels a strange twinge of jealously at this revelation. He isn’t sure if he’s jealous of the shift in Takaki’s attention or the fact that Takaki gets to touch those very smooth cheeks.

(He doesn’t realise that he’s been staring at Yamada’s cheeks until Yamada interrupts him with a “is there something on my face?”)

“Ne, senpai,” Yamada has an odd habit of calling Yuto ‘senpai’, even though the latter’s working experience only precedes his by a mere four days.

“Hmm?” Yuto is bored; there aren’t any customers around - most customers don’t come visiting their combini at this time.

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-one, why?”

“Really? Me too!” Yamada beams, and Yuto can’t help but smile with him.

Yuto likes his job. He likes it even more, now that Yamada is here, not that he wants to admit it. He likes greeting customers, and watching their perplexed faces when choosing onigiri flavours, and how their faces light up when they are get rid of the loose change in their wallets.

The beep of the doors opening signals the arrival of a new customer, and Yuto looks up in anticipation. He rolls his eyes when he finds out it is only Chinen.

“Welcome, my most valued customer, are you finally going to buy something or is there a reason that you’re here for the fifth time this week? It’s only Friday.”

“I could report you to your boss, y’know? He’d fire you.” Chinen comments dully, but Yuto senses the smugness in his voice.

“How could you do such a thing to your dear roommate?” Yuto fake gasps in an overly dramatic voice. “Oh wait, you can, because you have no interest in anything that isn’t in my boss’s pants.”

“Took a while for you to catch on, huh.”

“Please,” Yuto scoffs, although he only did find out recently about Chinen’s fixation on Takaki’s ass. “I’ve known since you walked in the first time and wouldn’t stop staring.”

Chinen laughs, and wiggles his eyebrows. Yuto thinks he looks ridiculous doing that. “It’s the same for you and Mr. Tight-leather-pants over there isn’t it?”

Yuto has barely enough time to tell his eyes to stop, but they don’t listen to him and skim over Yamada’s ass for the tenth time since he arrived. It doesn’t help that Yamada is currently squatting to arrange the boxes on the bottom shelves, his ass sticking in Yuto’s direction.

Yuto groans and buries his face in his hands. He can already feel his cheeks heating up. “Please don’t remind me.”

“Oops, too late.” Chinen giggles.

Yuto sighs again.

“So are you going to give me his schedule or am I supposed to spend another week harassing you for it?”

“You never buy anything anyway,” Yuto mutters under his breath.

The thing about working with Yamada is that Yuto doesn’t get to do it often. Yuto has only 4 days of work each week and Yamada only shares two of them. On other days, he has to deal with Takaki’s endless teasing, the occasional (but seemingly more frequent visits from Chinen), and the bimbo who insists on painting her nails during working hours. He wonders why Takaki hasn’t fired her yet, only to find out that she was Takaki’s ex. Firing her would mean meeting her, and Takaki isn’t prepared for a shoe in the face.

“Thank you for your purchase, we hope you have a nice day!” Yuto chirps, sending the customer a grin.

The doors of the combini beep as the customer leaves, and Yamada lets out a very loud snort.

“What?” Yuto asks, mildly annoyed because Yamada’s face says he knows something that Yuto doesn’t.

“Come on,” Yamada groans. “How did you miss that? She was obviously flirting with you.”

This time, it’s Yuto’s turn to snort.

“Jealous?”

“Psh, no”, Yamada grunts as he grabs the mop and goes back to cleaning. Yuto ignores the stinging in his chest, and turns back to the cashier.

“Besides, who the hell buys chicken-flavoured ramen anyway? Everyone knows that mushroom-flavoured ramen is the best.”

“Ew, mushrooms.” Yuto scrunches up his nose in disgust.

Yamada stops cleaning altogether and turns to Yuto, appalled.

“What is wrong with you?!”

Yamada is an awkward child, Yuto realises. He masks it with suggestive tones and flirty winks, so that the stuttering one becomes Yuto, and not him. Yuto hates how knowledge of this does nothing to stop him from falling for Yamada’s tricks.

(He also falls for Yamada, but Yamada did nothing to trick him.)

“Ne, senpai,” Yamada starts.

“Hmm?”

“Do you want to go for ramen after this?”

“When we stare at cup ramen all day?” Yuto has a twenty-paged assignment due the next day and he’s only partially done with it. But it’s Yamada, and so he agrees. “Sure.”

Yamada pouts, but quickly regains his composure. “You’re paying because you’re the senpai.”

“That’s not fair!” Yuto cries. “You’re the one inviting me, and you’re older!”

“Only by a few months. Thanks for the treat, senpai~”

Yuto face-palms.

“Thank you for your purchase, we hope you have a nice day!”

“Oh he’ll have a nice day, alright,” Yamada comments, once the previous customer is out of earshot, and Yuto giggles at the implications.

“Who needs four boxes of condoms?”

“Someone who is about to have a very nice day.”

Yamada wears an extremely psychotic grin as he dry humps the air exactly four times, and Yuto almost cries because everything hurts from laughing.

(“My spleen, it hurts,” Yuto cries out, still giggling, and Yamada rolls his eyes.

“You can’t hurt your spleen by laughing too hard.”

“It’s my spleen, not yours!” Yuto retorts childishly, but he doesn’t miss the tiny smile of amusement on Yamada’s lips.)

“By the way, the store has cameras.”

Yamada eyes go wide and he remains speechless, so Yuto leans close to whisper, “But it’s alright, it probably looks like you’re trying to seduce me.”

Yuto is shoved away and gets the silent treatment for about an hour, but he decides that it’s worth it - he gets to see Yamada’s cutely embarrassed face.

It’s a Tuesday when Yuto arrives at work an hour early, much to the relief of the girls from the previous shift. They’re rushing to meet some friends at a concert of some sparkly idol band, and it’ll be hard to get seats if they’re late, they say.

Shrugging, he takes a carefully placed container out of the plastic bag he made sure to hide from the girls, and begins to sketch.

A beep makes Yuto jump up from his seat, and he hurriedly chucks the container on the shelf behind him.

“Wel—Oh hi, Yama-chan.”

“What? No welcome? Why are you so e—” Yamada stops talking mid-sentence and his eyes go wide, letting out an extremely girly squeal.

Yuto cringes, confused.

“W-what’s that behind you?”

Yuto turns, and realises that everyone in the shop can see Kuro-chan.

“Oh right, that’s Kuro-chan. I need it for my assignment,” he shrugs. He should probably place Kuro-chan back into the bag, in case some male customer tries to buy it. Or worse, a female customer sees it, freaks out and tells on him. Takaki’s already mad that Chinen has his number – though in Yuto’s defence, Chinen has the password to his phone.

“How do you even look at that thing?” Yamada’s eyes are still wide, and Yuto fights the grin that threatens to form because of how adorable he looks. But then again, Kuro-chan is a pretty large bug.

“What can I say? I’m pretty impressive,” Yuto winks, leaning against the counter. He thinks he’s starting to be immune to Yamada, in a good way.

“Yeah, sure.” Yamada scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Remember the time when you almost broke through the roof of the closet because you jumped so high –”

Yuto grabs both of Yamada’s cheeks and squishes them together, effectively catching the latter by surprise. “You will never speak of that again,” he adds in a low voice, but all Yamada does is to roll his eyes and slap Yuto’s hands away.

Nobody needs to know what happened in the closet, and he’s not going back in there anymore.

“You wanna go for–” Yuto starts to say when they exit the shop, but is cut off by a pair of cold lips against his.

Yamada’s lips are cold and slightly chapped from the winter, but they send sparks tingling through Yuto’s body, warming him up to his toes. Yuto has dreamt of kissing Yamada, has dreamt of doing more than kissing, but he doesn’t expect it to actually happen, and when it does, it scares him more than anything.

Yuto stops moving entirely, his eyes fluttering shut, trying to memorise the feeling of Yamada’s lips on his (he doesn’t count on it happening again).

When Yamada pulls away, he stares at Yuto expectantly. Yuto stares back.

Yuto wants to ask him so many things, like “why did you kiss me? Do you like me the way I like you? Or did you do that because you knew I liked you? Can we do it again?”

All he manages to say is, “I—you—huh?”

Yuto is very coherent, most of the time.

Yamada sighs, seemingly exasperated by Yuto’s confusion. “I like you, okay? I don’t know what it is about you; your stupid face when you think you’re right or how you stutter when you get embarrassed and your ears turn completely red. I just like you a lot.”

Yuto blinks. “Did you just call me stupid while confessing?”

Yamada groans.

“That’s not the point! I know you probably don’t feel the same way and that’s okay, really.” After a moment, he adds in a small voice, “please don’t think I’m weird?”

“You were weird before this,” Yuto chuckles, and Yamada groans again.

“Just… forget about this, okay?”

“B-but—” Yuto rushes to say, but Yamada has already sped off, and Yuto can only blink at Yamada’s footprints in the snow. Yamada is nowhere in sight, and Yuto doesn’t expect his voice to be able to reach him, needless to say his legs.

He returns to his dorm, slamming the door behind him, and face-plants onto his pillow.

“Why so glum, useless bum?” Chinen drawls, swinging his legs idly from the top bunk.

“Yamada kissed me,” Yuto blurts, and promptly returns back to his pillow. He wants to squeal like a schoolgirl and roll around on his covers thinking about how Yamada’s lips are perfectly shaped, and how soft his lips were, but there is a nagging feeling at the back of his head that triggers an unexplainable sadness coupled by a wave of guilt in him.

Yamada is very possibly mad at him and he isn’t going to get Yamada kisses anytime soon, Yuto thinks.

“Wait, wait – hold up there, lover boy.” And then there is a poke at his side, followed by more pokes demanding to know more. “You’ve wanted this since a long time ago, right?”

Yuto nods slowly against his pillow.

“Then what happened? Is he a bad kisser?”

Yuto shakes his head.

“A stripper? I knew it, the leather pants were a clue weren’t—”

Yuto shakes his head, a little more violently this time. He hates his brain for coming up with the image of Yamada as a stripper – no, stop it.

“What happened?” Chinen prods, poking at Yuto’s side again.

“I told him he was weird,” Yuto mumbles into his pillow.

“Huh?”

The lamp on the table looks oddly bright when Yuto turns, and Yuto has to squint to make out Chinen’s face. “I told him he was a lot more weird before this.”

Chinen blinks. “You are telling me the whole story or I’ll sit on you and pee. Be quick, my bladder’s bursting.”

Yuto earns a smack on the head from Chinen with the pillow that was originally under his head.

“Are you serious? You’ve been pining for this guy like a lovesick child for four whole months and you tell me the only thing you did after he confessed and kissed you was to call him weird?”

Yuto whines and slams his face back onto the pillow. It’s embarrassing enough now that Chinen knows. If life would allow it, he isn’t going to move from this spot ever again.

Yuto feels a poke at his side again, and he squirms.

“Promise me you’re going to at least tell him how you feel?”

Yuto sighs and nods; he knows Chinen isn’t going to leave him alone unless he agrees.

“Okay, I need to pee and you should go to bed.”

Yuto doesn’t think he falls asleep. He is wide awake when the alarm rings, and drags himself to class as per normal. Except that Yuto is vaguely aware that walking into doors and tripping over his own feet are not extremely normal things to do.

He gets a call from Takaki almost immediately, because Yamada requested to change shifts. Yuto doesn’t ask why, he knows. But knowing that Yamada probably hates his guts doesn’t help the stinging in his chest, which only intensifies with Takaki’s phone call.

“Yamada hates me now, doesn’t he?”

He hears a deep chuckle at the end of the line. “Funny, you both say the same things.”

“He really hates me?” Yuto asks, but it comes out as a really small voice, because half of him doesn’t want to know the answer to that.

“No! Ugh, you guys are fucking stupid. I don’t know what happened, just fix it, okay?” And then the line goes dead.

Maybe, Yuto thinks, this will last for a day, at the very maximum, and he’ll be able to fall asleep like he used to again. Except that every time Yuto closes his eyes, he sees Yamada, sees his broken eyes as he runs away, sees himself rooted to the ground. He wakes up cold, despite the blanket draped over him, and three words threatening to slip from his lips.

For the third day in a row, he drags himself to class with eye bags heavier than his school bag. The weirdest thing about it all is how he doesn’t ever fall asleep in his classes, even during Calculus.

He spends his Calculus lecture glaring at that obnoxious couple in the class who can’t keep their hands off each other until he notices a familiar sheen of silver. Yuto groans, does the universe have to mock him by putting Yamada everywhere?

There’s another student in this class with black hair and silver tips, Yuto reasons, but somehow Yuto can’t stop staring, because his back view looks exactly like Yamada’s.

Yuto misses Yamada.

It has only been two days, eleven hours and twenty-two minutes. Yuto hates that he counted, and is still counting.

Yuto really misses Yamada.

His breath catches in his throat as the boy turns, because it is Yamada and Yamada is staring right back at him. Yuto’s eyes go wide as Yamada stares back and frowns, before turning away from him and back to the teacher.

When the lecture comes to an end, Yuto all but runs out to catch up with Yamada, the latter already down the hallway.

“Yamada!” He calls out, but Yamada continues to run.

Yuto finally corners Yamada at the end of the hallway near the stairs, grabbing Yamada by the arm and pulls the smaller boy towards him.

Yuto sees the panic that flashes before Yamada’s eyes, but the latter quickly turns it into a well-practiced scowl.

“What do you want?” He snaps, and Yuto is really scared that Yamada may just punch him or kick his balls and run away. But Yuto is stubborn, and his hold on Yamada’s wrist doesn’t loosen.

“Can we talk?”

“No, I don’t want to,” Yamada grits out, and turns to leave, only to be restrained by Yuto’s fingers around his wrist again.

“Can you please just listen to me?” Yuto pleads, and Yamada finally turns around to face him, a scowl gracing his face.

“I like you too, okay? I know you’re probably mad at me and you don’t want to see my face ever again but I never answered you that day. Heck, you’ve probably moved on and—”

Yuto stops talking when Yamada grabs his collar, yanking him down to his height and pressing his lips onto his. Yamada tastes like an odd mixture of cigarettes and strawberries, and Yuto can’t help but want more.

When they finally pull away, he hears a small whine, only to realise that it was him who made the noise.

Yamada chuckles at his blazing hot ears, suddenly smooth and suave again.

“I’ve been waiting,” he says with a contented sigh, and Yuto is hyperaware of his body reacting to Yamada’s sounds.

“So patient,” Yuto grins, and leans down to kiss Yamada’s pout away.

Summer Exchange 2014: Masterpost

yyexchangemod — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:58:39 GMT

here's the masterpost (and respective writers) for all the fics churned out from the yutoyama summer exchange 2014!

thank you for all your participation and encouragement (we know that nonparticipating fans were a huge moral support to the writers).

in no particular order:

Why'd you come in here lookin' like that?! by rikikomori
for re_riko; AU / Romance
word count: ~2,500 words
summary: Yamada was bored with his bookstore job until he walked in.

The Unspoken Game by maplarojcan
for nightbaron079; Gen / Romance
word count: 1,150 words
summary: no summary available

Best Friends in Love by re_riko
for rikikomori; Fluff / Angst
word count: 2,839 words
summary: They took a detour and got back to square one.

but don’t move honey (you look so perfect standing there) by obsessed_makpa
for yatsuiko_chan; AU / Romance
word count: ~2,500 words
summary: Time has always stopped for Yamada whenever he got too emotional. He doesn’t know what to do now that it stops every time Yuto does something.
Or the fic where time literally stops, Yamada pines for days, and Yuto’s his flatmate and the light of his life.

Say It Right by lady_aenea
for sugiru_setsuna; Smut / Angst / High School AU
word count: 8,159 words
summary: It was bound to happen. Ryosuke was the cute transfer student and Yuto was the class representative. Only there was so much else beneath the surface.

You Built a Bridge inside my Heart by yatsuiko_chan
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V
for obsessed_makpa; Drama
word count: 15,510 words
summary: It has been a year and a month since Yamada last saw Yuto driving the Tacit Ronin, the strongest Jaeger in the force, along the coastline of Yokohama; a year and a month since Yuto disappeared from the face of the earth. // aka that Pacific Rim AU made of tears and blood.

Starting Point by nightbaron079
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
for maplarojcan; Romance / Slice of Life
word count: 14,498 words
summary: Love starts in many ways. Some more unconventional than others, but each eventually taking their own course.

Meeting You by sugiru_setsuna
for lady_aenea; Romance / Fluff
word count: 2,958 words
summary: They met because of same interest, felt in love because of their flaws, got misunderstand about everything because of what they see and got together because of confessions.

additionally, do help us improve by filling up this survey form here!

thank you and see you in the next exchange ♥

Meeting You (for lady_aenea)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 16:47:41 GMT

Title: Meeting you
Rating: PG – NC17
Genre: Romance, Fluff
Word Count: 2,958 words
Recipient: lady_aenea
Summary: They met because of same interest, felt in love because of their flaws, got misunderstand about everything because of what they see and got together because of confessions.
Author’s note: My first (?) fic. Seriously rushed (gomeeeeeeen) [It always happen to me whenever I join stuffs like this], I’m not good at English (and I wish I was) so expect typo errors and incorrect grammar usage. I’m not also good with playing word for a title. And hopefully everyone that was reading this fiction would enjoy it! And also to my pair. Yoroshiku!

NakajimaYuto is walking around, looking at the pictures that were framed and posted around the gallery when someone caught his attention. He spotted a shorter guy holding a DSLR camera, capturing the couple holding each other’s hands while chatting about the photo that they were looking at. As the shorter guy captured the couple’s moment, he smiled which make the taller guy’s heart go ‘doki doki’. Then, he gather his courage and walk toward to the shorter guy.

“Enjoying it?” Yuto ask him which make the shorter guy surprise at sudden appearance of the taller guy.

“Un.” The shorter guy answered cutely which make Yuto’s heart go ‘doki doki’ once more.

“Nakajima Yuto desu. I guess we have same interest in photography. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu~!” The taller introduced himself to the shorter guy.

“Yoroshiku Nakajima-san! Yamada Ryosuke desu. I’m happy to meet someone who have same interest with me.”

“Nakajima-san is too formal. Just call me Yuto instead and I’ll call you Yama-chan.”

“Then it’s Yuto-kun” Ryosuke said and Yuto grin as an agreement to his suggestion.

“Want to grab some coffee?”

“Sure!” And the two smiled to each other and went out the gallery to grab some coffee at the café near the gallery.

---

An hour later, Yuto and Ryosuke were sitting front to front, talking intimately like they were friends for how many years already. Their talk obviously started with photography until it go randomly like sports, instruments, cooking and even their food suggestions! The two were enjoying each other’s company until the two noticed that it’s already night time.

“I guess we should get going. My mom might scold me for being late even I’m old enough.” Ryosuke said as he ready his bag.

“Well, your height don’t really compliment your age. Maybe that’s the reason why they do that.”

“Urusai, Giraffe!”

“Well, at least I’m not a pig~”

“Nakajima Yuto!!!!” Ryosuke shouted as he sat beside him and started to tickle him. Luckily it’s only the two of them and the staffs were around.

“Yama… hahaha… chan… haha… your… mom…” With that, Ryosuke stopped tickling him then pout.

“You’re lucky that I need to go home. Now, send me home giraffe.”

“Hai! Hai! Yamabuta-sama~!” Ryosuke glared at Yuto then pout which make the taller giggle. Then the two stand up and went out out to the café and send Ryosuke home.

---

“It turns out that were living on the same street. Yuto said when the two of them reach Ryosuke’s house.

“Really?”

“Hai. Maybe we should have a sleep over on your house or mine very soon!”

“As long as you’ll stop teasing me then everything will go right and I’ll allow you to.”

“Well, you’re so cute whenever I tease you and I can’t resist it.” Yuto said as he pinches his cheeks.

“Then, see you soon! Thank you for accepting my offer. Jaa ne~!”

“You’re welcome. Thank you also for the treat! Jaa~” Ryosuke said and then enter to his house. As the front door closed, Yuto smile go wider as he start walking on his way home. He really enjoyed his company and he think he fall in love with him at first sight.

‘No, it’s too early to think that so.’ Yuto thought as he shrugs.

----

As Ryosuke enter his house, he greeted his parents and his oldest and younger sisters. Then he went to his room. As he reach there, he place his stuffs at the table then jump on his bed as he hug his pillows as he rolls on his bed.

“Finally met him! Hontou ni ureshiiiiii.” Ryosuke said as he giggles. Ryosuke actually know Nakajima Yuto because the photos that he captures were quite famous in their university but then the reason why Yuto didn’t know him yet is because he join soccer club instead of photography club.

“And think of it. He allowed me to call him Yuto and we were living at same street but probably its far way here that’s why. I hope our friendship got stable!” Ryosuke ranted to himself as he sat down and stare at the pictures that were posted at the wall.

‘I think I fall in love at first near sight.’ Ryosuke sigh as he brought his ‘fanboying’ spirit back to reality.

---

A week after their first meeting…

“This is so early for a phone call.” Ryosuke grunted as he reach his phone and answer it.

“Moshi moshi” Ryosuke grunted.

“Ohayou, Yama-chan!” Hyper Yuto answers back which make him frown.

“So, what’s with you today?”

“Let’s have a jamming session!” Yuto said which make him frown more.

“But, excuse me, I only play—“

“Saxophone and I play drums and who cares about that actually?”

“I care.”

“But I don’t. So now get up and get ready because I’ll be there in a minutes and I’m going to pick you up and your saxophone. See you!” Yuto said continuously then off the call and this got Ryosuke no choice but to get up and ready himself. He never knows that Yuto is like that. But then he likes it.

‘And I think I really fall in love. And this is seriously bad.’ Ryosuke’s fanboy self said.

---

Ryosuke found himself inside of Yuto’s large room, sitting at the sofa as Yuto were on his drums.

“So ready for the show, hmm?” Yuto asked as he spins the drumstick with his fingers.

“Ok then, Nakajima ‘so-full-of-himself’ Yuto.” Ryosuke lazily said. Then Yuto start to play with his drums. As Yuto hitting drums, Ryosuke got awe with him. How awesome he hit the drums, the way his sweat streams down, and he see that Yuto is really passionate when it comes with his hobbies.

“So how was that?” Then Yuto grin when he saw Ryosuke looking at him with awe.

“You’re awesome! You were like those who were a member of a band.”

“And I’m actually. But it’s just for fun. But we were sometimes invited in night jamming at some café or resto.”

“Sugoiiiii~!”

“And we were actually looking for a vocal. And I actually wonder if I can make you be our vocal.”

“I only play saxophone. And I don’t want to ruin your group’s awesomeness.”

“You can do it in our band. Plus I heard you singing during our first meeting.”

“But I’m not good.”

“You’re good, okay? Hmmmm… How about if I treat you strawberries everyday if you join the band?”

“Strawberries!” Ryosuke exclaimed happily when he hear the word ‘strawberries’. After all, it’s his favorite.

“So, you will be our new vocal then!” Yuto said as he get his phone and text his band mates about their new vocalist.

“Eh???” Ryosuke exclaimed and Yuto just do a sign peace which make the shorter guy pout.

“Fine, fine, I surrender. I’ll accept your offer.”

“Yattaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~! Arigato Yama-chan!” Yuto shouted as he hug the shorter guy. Ryosuke blushed a little because of it.

“As long as I’ll get a dosage of strawberries then its fine and you’re welcome.” Ryosuke mumbled and Yuto giggled, still on their hug position.

---

“Thank you for accepting my offer to play soccer with me today, Yuto-kun!” Ryosuke said. The two of them were on the soccer field in the university, having some warm up before they play.

“And I never thought we were actually studying at the same university.” Yuto said as Ryosuke place the ball on the middle of each other.

“It’s because this university is so big, plus you’re busy with you photography club to the point that you can’t notice someone like me.” And Yuto just pout at his statement.

“And how about we begin our game now?”

“Sure, giraffe.” Ryosuke said as he kicked the ball as a cue that their game began. The two were playing soccer happily and without care about their surroundings.

“That was fun! And I’m happy I won against you giraffe.” Ryosuke said as the two of them went to the bench after they play non-stop.

“Well, I’m not really that good at soccer so what you expect?” Yuto said as he look at Ryosuke and suddenly stop at talking as he stares to the sweaty Ryosuke. He stares how his sweat streams down and gulped as he imagine something naughty.

“Why you are shaking your head, Yuto-kun?” Ryosuke asked as he noticed Yuto suddenly stop in talking and that make him go back to reality.

“Ah! Nandemonai.” Yuto said as he tries to shake off to his head the image of Ryosuke being topless and full of sweat.

“Weird” Ryosuke mumbled. “Let’s get a quick shower at the soccer club locker room”

“Sure.” Yuto said. Then the two stand up and went there as the two chat non-stop.

‘Yabai. This is seriously bad as hell.’ Yuto shouted to his mind.

---

“Konnichiwa.” Ryosuke said as he open the door of the room which Yuto said will be their band practice room and saw Yuto and other, which Ryosuke didn’t know who they are.

“Ah! Yama-chan, finally~!” Yuto said as he stands up from the drum set and the other look at him.

“Gomen, I’m late.” Ryosuke said as he walks beside Yuto carefully. He’s nervous because this will be his first time being the other members of the band.

“Daijoubu Yama-chan. And don’t be nervous, we will not bite you, ok? BTW I’m Yabu Kota, second guitarist. Yoroshiku.” The guy named Yabu said as he exposed his cute smile.

“Kota is right. Don’t be nervous! Ok? Hikaru Yaotome desu. Bassist. Yoroshiku, Yama-chan!”

“Keito Okamoto desu. Guitarist. And Yuto always say something about you to me to the point that I’m tempted to put scotch tape on his mouth to keep him shut.” Keito said which make the shorter guy blushed.

“Yamada Ryosuke desu. This will be my first time being a part of the band and it’s all Yuto-kun’s fault.” Ryosuke said which make the others laugh

“Please help me to improve myself. Yoroshiku, minna~!”

“Welcome to the JUMP band, Yama-chan. Don’t worry I’ll protect you from Hikaru.” Then in sudden, a beautiful guy entered the room.

“Hidoi yo, Kei-chan!” Hikaru pouted cutely.

“Kei, why you are late? Yabu asked the guy as he hugs him and peck a kiss on his cheeks.

“Wait, Kota let me introduce myself to this cute guy.” The guy named Kei said and pecks a kiss to Yabu’s lips.

“Hi Yama-chan, Inoo Kei desu. Pianist. And I heard to Yuto that you play saxophone. Yoroshiku.”

“Yoroshiku onegaishimasu~!”

“Ok guys, let’s start our practice~!” Then in sudden, Yuto butted in to the talk which makes the other members smirk.

“Ok guys, let’s start. Yuto is excited to hear Yama-chan’s voice so we must not make him wait more.” Yabu said as he usher the other members to prepare their instruments which make the Yuto and Ryosuke blush hard.

“Urusai!” The two said in unison which makes the others laugh because of their cuteness.

---

One day, after their practice. Ryosuke is now where to see and the other members were still inside the room.

“Say Yuto-kun, do you like Ryosuke?” Keito confronted his best friend which makes the other members look at the two of them.

“I don’t like him.” Yuto said straightly.

“What the? Is this the ‘I don’t like him but I love him’ stuff? Where did my best friend go?” Keito said which make Yuto blush and the others laugh.

“But it’s true.” Yuto said, still have a red thing decorating his cheeks.

“Well, my best friend is in love. What else I can do?” Keito said as the other started to give tips to Yuto on how he should court or confess to the shorter guy.

While on Yamada Ryosuke side…

“Say, you are really in love with Nakajima-kun?” Chinen Yuri, Yamada Ryosuke’s best friend, ask him. The two were currently at the canteen eating snacks.

“Yes, to the point that it hurts too much. But I don’t regret it.” Ryosuke said as he smiles to his best friend.

“But, I heard a rumor that he’s actually in a relationship with Okamoto-san.”

“Muri dayo. He’s Yuto-kun’s best friend.”

“But best friends can become lovers.”

“And also close friends. So don’t you dare to break my dream, please?” As Ryosuke said that, he looks up and saw Yuto with Keito. Yuto is hanging his arms on Keito’s shoulder and laughing freely with him. This moment breaks Ryosuke’s heart. Maybe the rumor that Yuri mentioned to him was true.

“Ryosuke, Ryosukeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~” Yuri call his name as he wave his hand in front of Ryosuke’s face.

“Ah! Gomen.” Ryosuke said as his mind come back to reality. Then Yuri continues his rants and Ryosuke’s mind were back on day dreaming.

‘I wonder if he has mutual feelings for me.’

---

“I’m so effin’ bored. Yuto-senpai, notice meeeeee” Ryosuke said as he settle himself in an isolated area of canteen. It’s been almost 2 weeks since Yuto and he talked. Even they were busy, they can find way but why they don’t now plus they don’t have practices these past days.

‘Maybe he really actually have feelings for Keito-kun then he confessed and Keito-kun accepted him.’ Ryosuke thought, remembered what Yuri mentioned to him about them. Then he feels his heart ache and broken into pieces.

“No, no, hontou ni muri dayooooooo” Ryosuke whines but then he feels that he should take back his words when he spotted Yuto and Keito eating together, laughing freely. Seeing them suddenly bring more pain to him. More than when he said that maybe they were dating.

‘Maybe Yuri is right. But I didn’t confess yet.’ Ryosuke said as he lowered his head, trying not to cry.

While on the other side…

Yuto smile widely as he spotted Ryosuke sitting on the table far away from their sit. He misses the chibi but then he and Keito have a deal that he’ll not meet him if he didn’t think of any surprising idea to confess to him.

“You see him again huh? Why don’t want to do my suggestion so that you can meet him now?” Keito said which make Yuto blush and whack his best friend.

“Do you mean the ‘make love with him then confess’? There’s no way I’ll do it.”

“We will know that right after you confess to him.”

“We’ll see that.” Then the two of them laugh. But then, Yuto stop at laughing when he saw Ryosuke lowering his head and he feels that his trembling. Yuto was about to go at his side when Keito stop him.

“The deal, Yuto.” Then Yuto pouted and disappointedly seated back at his seat. Seeing Ryosuke in pain also pains him so much.

‘Wait for me Ryosuke.’ Yuto thought as his mind drifted on day dreaming about him and Ryosuke being together.

---

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?” Yuto shouted. They were at their band room and it’s been 3 weeks since the last time he see Ryosuke.

“Do I need to repeat it again?” Keito said.

“You don’t fucking need to repeat that Ryosuke FREAKING ALLOW TAKAKI YUYA TO COURT HIM.” Yuto said as he gritted his teeth.

“Serves you right. It’s been a year since you met him. Then almost a month since the two of you talked. You are too slow to think of a way to confess.”

“And why I’m even thinking of a way to confess if I know that I’ll get yes for an answer.”

“But are you sure that he really do like you?” And that sentence make Yuto stop at the moment. Keito is right, do Ryosuke like him? Or maybe it’s only him and his delusions that Ryosuke like him. And thinking that way make his heart shattered into pieces.

---

Ryosuke sighed as Takaki Yuya bid good bye to him. It’s almost been a month since he allowed Takaki to court him yet he doesn’t feel anything whenever he’s with him. He knows he would be happier if he’s with Yuto but then the ‘reality’ is stopping him to wish of it. He is looking a place to stay for the moment when someone suddenly hugs him from the back.

“Yama-chan.” The man hugging him whispered to his ears which make his eyes go widen.

“Yu-Yuto-kun?” Ryosuke said. Tears were threatening to stream down.

“Yama-chan~” Yuto said as he break the hug and make him face toward him.

“Gomen if I’m not meeting you for this past week. I actually have a deal with Keito.” And as Ryosuke heard that, his tears suddenly streams down.

“Yama-chan, why are you crying?” Yuto asked in panic as he wipes his tears.

“You and Keito-kun…”

“…are not dating.”

“Eh?”

“I know you thought me and Keito were dating that’s why you allow that guy to court you.” And Ryosuke pouted when he heard that and Yuto just smile as he caresses his cheeks.

“You know what Yama-chan? You are the first person who makes me feel this kind of feelings. I never felt this happy when I’m with you.” Yuto said as he lean his head closer to the shorter guy.

“And because you make me feel this way, you should know that I love you very much.” And as Yuto finish his sentence, he kissed him on his lips. Ryosuke’s eyes got widen but then he close it and lean closer as he wraps his arm on his neck.

“I really do love you so much, Yama-chan. I love everything about you. I really do.” Yuto said as the two broke the kiss. Ryosuke smiled as he pecks a kiss to his lips.

“I love you too, Yuto-kun. You really fulfill my dream.”

“And what is it?”

“To have you~ <3”

---------

Starting Point 4/4 (for maplarojcan)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 09:32:41 GMT

Title: Starting Point 4/4
Rating:PG-13
Genre: Romance, Slice of Life
Word count: 14, 498
Recipient: maplarojcan
Summary: Love starts in many ways. Some more unconventional than others, but each eventually taking their own course.
Author’s Note: Seasons are assigned according to how Japanese dramas are classified (from my knowledge). So Winter = January-March, Spring = April-June, Summer = July-September, Autumn= October-December. This is a work of fiction. Characters are not mine. Plot and the way characters are portrayed are made thus for the purpose of this creative work of fiction. Made for the 2014 Yamajima Summer Exchange.

Continued from Part 3

2015, SPRING

“Awww, look at you guys. You’re so adorable,” Hikaru said, going to their table to serve their drinks. Yamada grinned up at him, too happy to argue, while Yuto leaned back, arm still casually hooked around the back of Yamada’s chair.

“Where’s Inoo-kun?” he asked, accepting his coffee. Hikaru pointed to his heart with a grin, and Yamada threw a paper napkin at his direction.

“The two of you are so disgustingly happy, it’s beyond cute,” he said.

“Everything is cute when you’re in love,” Hikaru quipped, winking at the two of them before going back behind the counter. Yamada grinned before looking down at the script he had in front of him, his smile dimming for a bit. Noticing this, Yuto gently chucked Yamada under the chin.

“Hey… You’ll be fine, trust me,” he said, grinning.

Yamada nodded and smiled, leaning back into his seat. Yuto can feel the warmth of his back through the arm of his sweater. He watched as Yamada leaned forward and pulled his notebook towards them, placing it on top of the script.

“What are you writing about?” he asked, peering through his glasses at the jumble of words that only Yuto can string together to form into the beautiful stories he writes. Yuto chuckled.

“Us.”

2015, SUMMER

“I wrote something,” Yuto suddenly said. Yamada stirred sleepily from his place, head pillowed on Yuto’s lap. It was summer break, and rather than going to the beach they decided to stay in their apartment, the freezer fully stocked with cartons of ice cream and the air conditioner on at full blast.

“Oh?” he said, perking up and now wide awake. Yuto had his laptop open beside him, and he handed it to Yamada without a word. Putting on his glasses, he blinked at the rows of text.

“This isn’t a poem,” he whispered to himself in realization, looking at Yuto. The latter made a show of shrugging nonchalantly, but his cheeks were tinged with a shade of pink.

“I’ve had this idea for a while, and it felt like it had to be written to be longer than a poem, so… I kinda… wrote a novel,” he said shyly. Yamada’s face broke into a huge smile.

“That’s awesome! You’ve always said you wanted to write a novel,” Yamada said excitedly. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and moved to sit down on the floor, placing the laptop on the coffee table and leaning back on Yuto’s legs. Yuto smiled and opened his notebook, intending to write while waiting for Yamada to finish reading. Yamada was murmuring the words to himself, occasionally smiling and laughing softly at some of the funny parts. But most of the time he was silent, the only clues to his reactions the rise and fall of his chest that he felt on his legs.

Yuto smiled as the words wrote themselves down on the page, words that only Yamada can bring out of him.

We
are on fire
freezing cold and electric
and all the impossible things
that could ever happen
existing in two human bodies
locked in the fiercest of embraces
Of heat
and everything
that was supposed to break them
in pieces
and
still
they
are
whole

He didn’t know how long he had fallen asleep, but he felt the warm body that pressed against his side. The weight leaning on his legs had disappeared, and he felt the warmth beside him shift with him as he slowly came to consciousness.

“I really liked it,” Yamada whispered into his ear.

“Thank you,” he said, smiling.

They fell asleep together in the most disorganized of ways, all tangle of legs and arms and in-sync heartbeats and warm, warm bodies. But they were in each other’s arms, and there were no nightmares that would dare come.

2015, WINTER

“That tickles!”

“Quit fidgeting!”

“Y-Yama-chan, what are you doing—”

“I’m taking your tie off, what does it look like?”

“W-wait—I told you that tickles!

“If you stop wriggling all the time, this would be a lot easier!”

Yuto opened his mouth to whine some more but thought better about it, shutting his mouth. He and Yamada were both dressed in tuxedos, and Yamada was fixing his bow tie for him.

“Why does it have to be black tie formal? Do we really have to go?” Yuto grumbled, trying to keep still.

“Because it’s our friend’s art exhibit at a swanky art gallery with a lot of possible patrons and we don’t want to embarrass him,” Yamada replied, finishing the bow tie and smoothing out the crinkles in Yuto’s suit jacket. “There. You look handsome enough.”

“Enough,” Yuto said, sounding amused. Yamada angled a smile at his direction.

“It’s my way of saying you look really attractive without embarrassing myself,” he said. Yuto put his hands to his heart.

“You and the way you use your words,” he said, grinning at Yamada. Yamada playfully punched him on the arm as they prepared to go out. The art gallery was mercifully a few blocks away so they can walk; they would have to share a taxi and pay the exorbitant rates otherwise. Shrugging on their coats, they went down and started walking to the gallery.

“It’s so cool. Hikaru-kun has an art exhibit already… to think that about a year ago he was vandalizing our practice tests with image characters that he made for us,” Yuto said. Yamada laughed and nodded, agreeing.

“Time really goes by so fast,” Yamada said wistfully. The night air was chilly and they walked closer together, elbows occasionally touching.

As a prelude to the night’s art exhibit, Inoo, Yuto and Yamada orchestrated a simple introductory performance for the guests. Yuto wrote a poem based on a piece of music Inoo composed and Yamada performed it for the dumbstruck crowd, Inoo playing the composition that served as its inspiration softly in the background. Every single one of Hikaru’s works were sold to very happy patrons, and he was soon pulled aside for talks about a series of exhibits and his own work studio by one of the very impressed patrons. And even years later, people still talked about the music to be heard, the words written down that were spoken that night, of one performance by three different people being together under framed canvases and the warmth undisturbed by the cold Tokyo night, and how they enveloped everyone in the love that each of them felt.

A line appears from different points
Connecting you and me
From the pureness of oblivion
to the confusion of choices
of color and theme and tone and style
How can one really express
emotions that refuse
the very names we try
to imprison them in?
The curves that separate
the happy from the sad
are not so different
from the twists and turns
of the roads we took
just to find each other
If your arms
would forever be
the only thing
that shapes my heart
into its ability to love
and holding my spine together
with the warmth
only you can bring
Let my hands form
the link between you
and I
and all the beautiful things
this world has to offer
As we paint the world
in a sea of colors
happy and sad
and all the other words
we use for emotions
All the while knowing
that our eyes
and the ridges at our fingertips
are the bridges
to hearing the codes
struck in the unfailing rhythm
Of our two hearts
beating as one
Strong and steady
with the feeling
of having found
the most beautiful thing
that all of art
has tried and failed to be
The mystery
of finding the person
coloring in all the lines
of all your points
as a person
Forming the red line
between you
and the person
who gives you the meaning
of what you always imagined
love
to
be

2016, SPRING

“Tadaima,” Yamada’s voice echoed faintly from the entrance hall. He found Yuto sitting cross-legged on the rug, pushing his glasses up his face as he squinted at Yamada.

“Okaeri, Yama-chan,” he said, yawning and rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “Let me heat up dinner for you.”

“No, it’s okay,” Yamada began to protest, but Yuto was already standing up and heading towards the kitchen. He looked at the mess on the coffee table as he dropped his bag on the sofa and sat down—crumpled up pieces of paper with discarded ideas, more scratch paper filled with hundreds of words, cups of instant noodles and an empty bento box, and a couple of mugs half-filled with cold, stale coffee.

“When did you even last sleep, Yuto-kun?” he asked, trying to keep the worry in his voice to a bare minimum. Yuto wandered into the living room with a tray in his hands, and Yamada quickly stood up to get it for himself. Yuto swayed alarmingly for a moment but was able to sit down on the floor again without at least keeling over.

“I dunno… uh, last night?” he answered vaguely.

“What’s the date today?”

“…Uh, May 6th?”

“…it’s May 8, Yuto-kun.”

“…Oh.”

“You haven’t slept for two days?!” Yamada said incredulously. Yuto blinked several times—then yawned.

“I was writing… I guess I lost track of time,” he said, his speech slow from lack of sleep. Yamada placed the tray on the table—careful not to touch any of the papers on it—and led him by the arm to the room they shared. Yuto crawled under the comforter and closed his eyes, and Yamada went out to eat the dinner Yuto prepared for him. He also cleared up the empty food packages and coffee mugs on the coffee table, leaving all the papers untouched. After he cleaned up and got changed, he quietly went back to their room. Slipping under the covers, he watched Yuto as he slept.

“Yama-chan…?” he whispered, blinking his eyes open when he sensed his presence.

“Hm?”

Yuto smiled, pointing to the clock hanging on the opposite wall. When Yamada turned his head, Yuto quickly kissed him on the cheek. Yamada turned his head quickly, bumping his nose and forehead with Yuto’s and blushing bright red.

“W-what was that about all of a sudden?” Yamada asked, flustered. Yuto grinned.

“Midnight. Happy birthday Yama-chan,” he said shyly. Yamada smiled and kissed the tip of Yuto’s nose.

“Thank you. For everything,” Yamada said.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, lips locked in a loose embrace—Yuto’s against Yamada’s forehead, Yamada’s on a spot under Yuto’s jaw. They dreamed with the ease of people who knew that they were in the safest place in earth they could ever be.

2016, SUMMER

“How was the audition at Osaka?” Yuto asked. Yamada quietly shook his head.

“They said I was a bit short for what they imagined for the character,” he said glumly, and Yuto, who knew all of Yamada’s complexes, inwardly winced.

“How about you? Did you hear from anyone?” Yamada asked.

Yuto thought of the thick sheaf of papers that he received in the mail earlier, hidden under the junk at the bottom of his desk drawer, and shook his head. Yamada smiled sympathetically.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure Yuto-kun would hear good news soon. Let’s do our best together, okay?”

Yuto swallowed, trying to speak around the lump of guilt building in his throat.

“Okay.”

“You have to tell him,” Chinen said in disbelief the next day. Hikaru and Inoo were seated across from them in their usual booth, but no one has touched their drinks except for Yuto. He was a caffeine-riddled bundle of nervous, guilty energy.

“I can’t. It’s not like I’ll pass the interview anyway; it’ll be useless to worry him needlessly,” he said, speaking to his coffee cup.“But Yuto, it’s an overseas scholarship for a creative writing program. It’s your dream! You would have to at least let him know,” he said exasperatedly. A part of Yuto’s brain registered that Chinen didn’t call him by his nickname; he was absolutely serious.

But so was Yuto.

“No. I’m thinking of rejecting the interview anyway,” he said, still refusing to look anyone in the eye.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Chinen half-shouted, causing a few of the customers to swivel their heads and look at him. Frustrated, Chinen turned to the other two people seated around their table. “A little help here, guys?” Chinen asked.

Inoo lifted his cup to his lips to take a sip. Hikaru sighed. “I think Chinen-kun has a point, Yuto-kun. Won’t you at least tell him? It’s his right to know; it concerns him too, in a way,” he said. Yuto lifted his chin stubbornly and shook his head.

“You are being extremely selfish,” Inoo suddenly said. Yuto involuntarily jerked his head up in surprise to look at Inoo.

“Kei-chan,” Hikaru said in a warning tone. Inoo ignored him and set down his coffee cup, looking directly at Yuto.

“You think you’re being considerate of Yamada-kun, but in reality you’re just scared that you might break up over this. What if you pass? How would you explain to Yamada-kun that you’re suddenly leaving?” Inoo asked Yuto bluntly. He bit his lip, but Inoo kept on talking.

“Do you think he would be happy that you’re simply going to throw away your dream, even if it’s for the sake of your relationship? Don’t you think he’ll feel responsible either way?” Inoo didn’t shout or even raise his voice, but the cold anger in his voice unnerved Yuto more than anything else.

“Kei, that’s enough,” Hikaru said quietly. Yuto felt Chinen’s hand on his shoulder and something wet dripping onto his fisted hands on his lap, belatedly realizing they were his tears. He blindly groped for tissue and a warm hand with slender pianist fingers placed a handkerchief in his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Inoo murmured graciously. Yuto nodded his head once.

“I’m sorry too,” he mumbled, shaking his head emphatically from side to side to illustrate this point. The other three gave him time to calm down and gulp up the rest of his coffee before standing up.

“I’m going home,” he said abruptly, moving to pay for the check. Hikaru waved him away, a reassuring smile on his face.

“It’ll work out. We all believe in it.”

He bowed deeply to all of them, meeting Inoo’s eye when he straightened up. The older guy nodded, and Yuto turned to go home.

2016, SUMMER

“He’s looking especially murderous today,” Chinen reported. Yuto groaned quietly, then looked around to check if anyone heard him. He was checking the inventory in his part-time job at a small bookstore, and he had ducked behind a layer of bookshelves to take Chinen’s call.

“Good luck then. I hope he doesn’t shoot you faster than his normal record,” Yuto replied. Chinen laughed it off.

“It’s not like we’re going into actual battle, Yutti; it’s called survival game for a reason,” Chinen said. Yuto nodded, then remembered that Chinen couldn’t see him and grunted noncommittally. He sighed after a few moments, interrupting Chinen’s soliloquy about Arashi’s new album.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this. For everyone else too,” Yuto said, leaning his forehead against a bookshelf. Chinen was quiet for a few moments before speaking again.

“We’re friends with Ryosuke too. It’s not like we’re just doing this for you,” he said lightly. Yuto smiled at the concern in his friend’s voice.

“Thank you.”

His shift lasted until closing time, and he just closed up the shop with the rest of the other part-timers. Stretching his sore muscles, he stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed him. He was sitting by himself on one of the benches near the bookstore entrance, and when he saw that he was noticed he stood up. Yuto jogged to where he had been waiting and came to a stop in front of him, pausing uncertainly because he didn’t know what to say.

“…Hey,” he said, trying to break the tension. Yamada looked up to his face when he spoke, and Yuto had to struggle to keep his face straight.

He looks so tired.

“…Hey. Let’s walk?” Yamada said quietly. Yuto nodded. They proceeded in silence down the five blocks that separated the bookstore and the apartment complex that Yuto had come to think of as home.

There was a type of silence
of pins and needles
and the undoing of comfort
But then there were moments
when all I need to feel
was the distant nearness
of the warmth
of your hand
sometimes brushing mine
Or a planetarium of dying stars
and big bangs over our heads
to remember
that we are here
but for this moment
And for all the explosions
that reality has to offer
the distance of your shoulder to mine
of my lips to yours
or of our hands touching
may be farther
than the nearest star
And our silence is as important
for me to keep
and break
And that distance
was the only thing
I was willing to cross
So let the supernovas
go off
across all of universe
I’d rather take
your hand in mine
even without
the warmth
or the love
than reach for a star
and find cold, cold death

They arrived in their apartment without saying a word. Yamada went straight into the kitchen, so Yuto thought it’d be safe to take a bath. After he was done, he stepped outside to their terrace, a towel still draped around his neck. He let the cool summer night breeze dry his hair as he leaned his arms on the railing and looked up at Tokyo’s night sky.

He felt a cold substance press gently into his cheek, and Yuto turned to find Yamada holding up a can of ice-cold beer to his face. Beads of water still glistened in his hair, and a towel was draped over his shoulder.

“Thanks,” Yuto said, accepting the can of beer and leaning on the railing once more, pillowing his head on his arms and holding the beer can to his face to enjoy the coolness. He heard Yamada opening his own can of beer beside him and drink down one long gulp.

“Are you okay?” Yuto asked before he could help it, more out of habit and concern than anything else.

“Why’d you ask?” Yamada said, surprised by the sudden question.

“You don’t usually drink unless you’re troubled over something,” Yuto said, a quiet observation brought along by all the years they knew each other and of recent events; when Yamada stopped talking to Yuto a couple of months ago, either Inoo, Hikaru, or Chinen had helped Yuto bring a dead-drunk Yamada home.

Yamada was staring out into the distant Tokyo skyline, the beer can tightly gripped in his hand. His voice was quiet when he spoke.

“I got signed into an agency about a month ago, and though it’s quite sudden, I’ll be part of the main cast of a mystery drama. It’s showed in the golden time slot, so my manager thought that with the other popular actors I’ll be with, this would be probably be the biggest break in my career,” Yamada said, still keeping a humble and incredulous tone, as though he still can’t believe that everything was happening to him. Yuto’s face broke out into a bright smile.

“I knew you’d make it! Congratulations,” Yuto said, smiling brightly. Yamada downed another swig before turning to face Yuto’s direction completely.

“How about you? Did you accept the scholarship?” he asked. Yuto stiffened; he hadn’t even told Yamada that he went to the interview, let alone that he was chosen for the scholarship. Cautiously, he nodded his head. Yamada didn’t reply; instead, he leaned on the bars of the railing next to Yuto, their elbows touching.

“Just when I thought I’ve finally caught up to you, but now you’re farther away from me than ever,” he said sadly.

“W-what do you mean?” Yuto said, confused.

Yamada sighed. “All this time, I’ve always felt like I had to run to catch up to you, to be able to walk by your side. So I’ve always done my best to be someone who can proudly walk beside you.”

“Ryo-chan, what are you talking about?” Yuto said, not realizing that he had slipped and called Yamada by the nickname he gave him. He plunged on, not giving a chance for Yamada to interrupt.

“If there was anyone that needed to do any catching up, that would certainly be me. You’re just so… I don’t know, there’s no one word to describe how important Ryo-chan’s existence to me. I would never have done anything worthwhile in my life if I didn’t have you, or our friends, giving me all the push I needed to even try stretching out for the things I want. It never felt right to me, until you came along in my life. You made me think trying my best was okay, that wanting something for myself was perfectly normal. And wanting someone to be with me to share everything, you were the reason why anything I ever had in my life started to feel okay.”

Silent tears were coursing down Yamada’s cheeks. He shook his head over and over again.

“No. Don’t say anything. This is just going to make it harder for me when you leave,” he said in between his tears. Yuto chewed on his bottom lip and looked at Yamada, taking him by the shoulders and forcing him to face him. Their beer cans clattered to the ground, the liquid splashing their ankles, but they couldn’t care less.

“Look at me,” Yuto said quietly, leaning forward so he could look at Yamada in the eye. Yamada met his gaze, his eyes still glistening with tears.

“I’m leaving, but I’m not leaving you. Remember that. I may be somewhere else, but… I’m here. Okay?” he said, in a rush. Yamada nodded, unable to talk through his tears, and before the both of them fully realized what they were doing their lips were crashing into each other and they were holding each other like they’d break if they ever let go. Pushing, touching, feeling every inch of skin. Fabric fell away, and all that was left were eyes and lips and skin, so many miles of skin and bone and warm flesh, eyelash and earlobe and tongue and throat and hands and fingers and each other.

And that was more than enough.

2016, AUTUMN

“I still have that poem, you know,” Yamada whispered, playing with Yuto’s fingers. The absence of Yuto's things in the room stood out. All his belongings have been sent out ahead of him or packed into boxes and suitcases. The scent of his departure is lingering in the room, sad and heavy and a bit hopeful, all the same.

Yuto hoisted himself up on bed, turning to have a proper look at Yamada. “Which poem are you talking about?”

Seeing that Yuto looked confused, Yamada momentarily let go of Yuto’s hand and sat up on the bed, opening his bedside table’s drawer to take a faded out piece of fabric. Yuto recognized it as the handmade omamori that Yamada took with him to their entrance exams. He took extra care to put it in his pocket every time he performed or went to try out for auditions. He watched as Yamada opened a secret pocket and took out a battered piece of folded paper. The creases wore down into the paper, looking like it had been taken out time and again to be read. When he had unfolded it completely, Yuto undestood.

In his hands was the page that Chinen had torn from his notebook, his name that Chinen had also signed for him still legible.

Starting Point
Even if I gather
all the maps in the world
I would still be lost
in the sea of emotions
that span your face
You are the origin
of all the things
I thought I hated
because I never thought
I would have to face
detours and potholes
in the careful navigated travel plan
that I thought love would be
But you were never the destination
to begin with
I just got lost
in the curves of your lips
the way your eyes shift gears
with every feeling
that crosses your heart
The warning signals you give
have no use
For I have broken the traffic light
and every damn rule
on the way here
Let the others skid and crash behind me
Bury their noses and their hearts
in the cracked asphalt
to your ghost town
Because not pulling the breaks
when I met you
was a car crash waiting to happen
All adrenaline and broken hearts
Turn the key, hit the gas
These things almost never last
But I don’t speed up and run away
I pull out my key and choose to stay
Here I sit
in the shoulder of the wrong road
on the right way to you
Writing down this poem
on the back of my parking ticket
to remember all I’ve travelled
from being just me
to being us
and remembering
how this wrong road
led me
to the right person
I will take the speed bump
Again and again
If all the wrong roads
would lead me
to right
where you want me
Here
With you
Willing to be lost
in the journey
we call love
For even the wrong
starting point
got us somewhere
Not lost
But on our way
To me
To you
To each other
To us?
To us.

2020, SPRING

World-famous author Nakajima Yuto’s newest best seller gets movie adaptation!

Multi-award winning young actor Yamada Ryosuke confirmed for lead role!

“…it’s always been an honor to perform any of Nakajima-san’s work. His existence is something I greatly respect and treasure, and being given this opportunity to portray a work of someone who is so passionate about what he does. I will do my best to not disappoint Nakajima-san and the people who would come to watch, so they can invite their friends and family and we could all celebrate the creation of such a beautiful masterpiece.”

The shop door opened, a guy in glasses with a face mask covering half of his features entering. Inoo and Hikaru looked up from the counter and smiled at the newcomer, giving him a wave that he returned. They pointed at a table at the back of the shop—his usual corner. He quietly walked towards the familiar booth, occupied by one person.

He was alone in the coffee shop, a regular tucked into a window seat corner with a laptop and papers spread out in front of him. Even the new waitress knew well enough not to disturb him as they quietly refilled his coffee cup and brought his orders to his table (arranged a long time ago with the owner, his favorite meals from the cafe brought at regular intervals and paid for before he leaves). From time to time he looked up from his keyboard, noting the arrival of people into the shop and jotting down details he found interesting.

5:00PM A guy of average stature approaches. He is wearing glasses and a face mask to hide his features, but even if I should ever be blind, I’d recognize him anywhere. He is right on time.

Yuto looked up and smiled. “Hey.”

Yamada pulled down his face mask as he sat down next to Yuto, returning his smile.

“Hey.”

Starting Point 3/4 (for maplarojcan)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 09:31:24 GMT

Title: Starting Point 3/4
Rating:PG-13
Genre: Romance, Slice of Life
Word count: 14, 498
Recipient: maplarojcan
Summary: Love starts in many ways. Some more unconventional than others, but each eventually taking their own course.
Author’s Note: Seasons are assigned according to how Japanese dramas are classified (from my knowledge). So Winter = January-March, Spring = April-June, Summer = July-September, Autumn= October-December. This is a work of fiction. Characters are not mine. Plot and the way characters are portrayed are made thus for the purpose of this creative work of fiction. Made for the 2014 Yamajima Summer Exchange.

Continued from Part 2

2012, WINTER

“It’s okay Chinen, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Yuto said reassuringly.

“Easy for you to say. At least you’ll have a lot of familiar faces with you,” Chinen mumbled. They were in their regular booth at the coffee shop, and Chinen had all the acceptance letters he received. Yuto’s acceptance letter was tucked safely into his drawer at home; he was going to be in the same university that Inoo and Hikaru are studying in.

“Suzuka-chan’s going to Keio too, right? She’s one of the best familiar faces anyone could ask for; I’d be relieved if I saw her in campus in a sea of strangers. You’ll be fine, Chii, I’m sure of it,” Yuto said. Chinen sighed.

“We’re taking a few classes together, so I’m not exactly alone and it’s nice but… I’ll be lonely,” Chinen said in a low voice. “It’s the first time I won’t be with Yutti ever since kindergarten.”

“It’s not like I’m going to disappear on you, Chii; I’ll just be in a different school. We could still meet.”

“Yeah,” Chinen said, sounding wistful. “But it’s going to be different when you’re not just seated next to me.”

Yuto nodded, a sad smile on his face. He’s going to miss Chinen terribly, but it was no use making him feel sadder than he already is. Chinen took a deep breath and made a goofy face, breaking the somber atmosphere in their table. He kicked lightly at Yuto’s shoes, missing on purpose and getting his chair.

“At the very least, you’ll have Yama-chan with you,” Chinen said with a tenfold smile. Yuto blushed but didn’t retaliate.

“Did I hear my name?” a voice said. Yuto and Chinen looked up to see Yamada, unwrapping a scarf around his face. Chinen grinned at Yuto’s panic-stricken expression and shrugged.

“Maybe,” Chinen said.

“That makes me curious,” Yamada said, taking the seat in front of Yuto. “Yuto-kun, are you sick? Your face is bright red.”

Chinen chuckled quietly as Yuto’s hands flew up to cover his face. “I—just—bathroom,” he said, scrambling up from his chair. Yamada ordered a large hot cappuccino and leaned back on his chair.

“Ne, Ryosuke,” Chinen suddenly said. Yamada started at Chinen using his first name, but it wasn’t particularly bothering him since it was Chinen so he let it slide.

“Hm?”

“About Yutti…” Chinen said, pausing when Yamada’s drink arrived. He made sure the waitress was out of hearing range before talking again.

“About Yutti… please take care of him in university,” Chinen said formally. “I worry about that guy.”

Yamada wrapped his hands around his mug of coffee, letting the warmth seep into his fingers. He took a sip before replying.

“Of course I will.”

Chinen inclined his head slightly. “Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.”

Yuto found them laughing about something when he went back to the table, spending ten minutes in the bathroom to make sure his face wasn’t as red as a traffic light.

“Were you talking about me?” Yuto said, nervously eyeing Chinen. It was Yamada, however, who smiled and replied.

“Maybe.”

2013, SPRING

“Come on Yama-chan, just pick one,” Yuto said exasperatedly. They were at the bedding linens section of IKEA for the past fifteen minutes, Yamada standing undecided with two similar-looking bedsheets in his hands.

“It’s not exactly easy!” Yamada said defensively. Yuto sighed and plucked the black and white bedsheets on Yamada’s right hand, chucking it into the pushcart and walking forward.

“Hey!” Yamada said, catching up with the pushcart. “What if I don’t like that one?”

“You’ll get over it. Plus we have a lot of things we need to buy,” Yuto said, pausing in front of a curtain display. Yamada pouted and chucked a pillow at Yuto’s head. Yuto looked at him and burst out laughing at his expression.

“C’mon Yamada, you were looking at that bedsheet longer. Let it go,” he said, still chortling. Yamada cracked a smile and looked at the pushcart’s contents, the assorted home necessities and things they don’t need to buy but somehow found their way into the pushcart because they were ‘pretty to look at’. Also Yuto picked the bedsheets that matched the ones he picked.

“Fine. But you’re treating me for lunch.”

“I almost always do, anyway.”

After they finished arranging their sofa, mounted their humongous TV on the wall mount (the only luxury they both agreed on getting, for a future of countless movie marathons and video game tournaments), and carried all their appliances into the apartment, they sat in their small terrace and looked out into the Tokyo night sky, surprisingly clear enough to see stars. They broke out cans of mango juice between them, drinking to the first step towards their adulthood and independence.

“To the future!”

“To our dreams!”

“To us!” Yamada said, the light coming from inside their apartment making the sweat in his hair glisten. Yuto smiled and clinked his can to Yamada’s.

“Yeah,” he said, making Yamada smile. “To us.”

2013, AUTUMN

“You are so lame at video games, Yamada-kun,” Hikaru crowed, sending Yamada’s character to high-definition-pixel gaming heaven. Yamada threw a pillow at his direction but missed, only making Hikaru laugh harder.

“If you ever break anything I’m making you eat on paper plates, then make you eat the paper plates after,” Inoo scolded, setting down the plates he had in his hands. He and Yuto picked the short straws for preparing dinner for today so he cooked his usual tuna and mentaiko pasta in white sauce, with Yuto eagerly helping in any way he could. The latter emerged from the kitchen, bearing the other two plates in his hands and an assortment of condiments tucked in his arms. Yamada jumped up from his seat and hurried to help Yuto carry things he had in his arms the rest of the way to the table. Hikaru approached the table as well after pausing the game that Yamada had earlier abandoned. Inoo swatted away the hand that Hikaru was extending towards the small bowl of grated cheese (prepared by Yuto, it was a small yellow mountain of shaved cheese good for ten people) with a wooden spoon.

“Please don’t bring your disgusting table manners when we’re in company and wash your hands first before eating,” Inoo admonished, brandishing the wooden spoon near Hikaru’s face but still with enough humor in his voice to let everyone know that he didn’t really mean it. Hikaru sulked but followed suit, making Yamada and Yuto chuckle and causing Inoo to wave the wooden spoon at them.

“You guys wash your hands too,” he said, in a more lenient tone than what he used on Hikaru. They went into the kitchen, Yamada making sure they were out of earshot before pulling down Yuto by the collar to whisper in his ear. Yuto just hoped the blush that he felt spreading across his face wasn’t as obvious as he thought it was.

“Those two… are they…?”

Yuto nodded. “Inoo-kun just sort of casually mentioned it,” he said with a smile.

Yamada grinned back. “That was what he told me before he K.O.’d me in the game,” he said.

“Admit it, Yama-chan, you’re a really lousy player.”

“I just don’t have enough practice!” he said mock-indignantly, splashing a bit of water at Yuto’s direction. Yuto was about to retaliate, but Inoo was already calling for them to eat.

When everyone has passed Inoo’s inspection, they all crowded around Yamada and Yuto’s two-seater dining table and digged in. Inoo stared in horror as Yuto showered his pasta with cheese and cheerfully began eating. Yamada silently handed Yuto a napkin without the latter asking for it, and Inoo and Hikaru watched as Yuto grunted out his thanks around his full mouth before swallowing and saying “thanks”, pouring Yamada an unprompted glass of juice. Yamada drank then paused, glass halfway back from his lips, noticing Inoo and Hikaru’s stares.

“You two are like an old married couple,” Hikaru said, a small smile playing on his lips. Yuto choked on his intensely cheesy pasta as Inoo quietly took away Yamada’s glass from his hand before he dropped it.

“W-we’re not—”Yamada began, the reddening of the tips of his ears spreading to the rest of his face.

“I-it’s not like we’re married or anything—”Yuto said at the same time, clamping his mouth shut when he realized they were talking over each other. Inoo gave him the glass he got from Yamada, and Yuto drained the contents without realizing it wasn’t his glass to begin with.

“Relax, I was just kidding,” Hikaru said, a little surprised at how the two people he was teasing reacted that way. He caught Inoo’s eye and caught his expression, nodding minutely before quietly going back to his food. Soon Inoo had steered the conversation away from awkward waters, nudging Hikaru’s elbow under the table.

Hikaru and Yamada went back to beating each other up virtually while Yuto and Inoo wash the dishes (after losing from five rounds of janken for clean-up duty).

“That was pretty obvious, even for you Yuto-kun,” Inoo observed. Yuto quickly looked around to check that both Yamada and Hikaru (most especially Yamada) were not lot listening to their conversation, but the reassuring sounds of video game action told them that the other two were otherwise preoccupied. Turning the plate he was drying in his hands, he sighed and hung his head.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, face turning pink. Inoo chuckled benevolently.

“No need to say sorry to me, but aren’t you supposed to tell the concerned party what you feel?” Inoo asked.

“I haven’t had the opportunity…”

“You live together. That usually comes pretty far into most relationships, and yours hasn’t even started yet,” Inoo pointed out diplomatically. He was wise enough not to say anything along the lines of how “it wouldn’t hurt if you tell him”.

Probably because he knows this is never easy.

Yuto stared at the plate he has more than amply dried, saying the words that he had stored up long ago in his heart.

“I can’t put an end to something that hasn’t even started yet,” he said. “I’m too scared to think about the after I can’t even bring myself to face him in the present.”

The both of them were quiet until Inoo playfully flicked a few droplets of water at Yuto’s cheek, breaking the invisible wall of tension hanging between them.

“All I’m saying is that I think it’s unfair for the both of you. I’m not judging you,”” he added, sensing that Yuto was tensing up beside him and holding up his soapy hands to explain. “And I totally understand that it’s hard to tell someone you like them.” He waited for Yuto to deny it, but his silence told him that he was at least hearing Inoo out.

“But not giving yourself the chance to be happy is unfair. So is the assumption that you would stop being important to each other if he rejects you, or even if he doesn’t then you guys would end up breaking up anyway and you would stop acknowledging each other’s existence. Do you not trust him enough that you would go so far as to automatically think that he would break your heart? Do you not trust him?”

Yuto’s hands were shaking so bad he had to put down the plate he was holding before he could let it slip past his fingers and break it. His voice was soft, on the verge of something, when he spoke again.

“It’s not that I don’t trust him. The one I don’t trust is myself.”

2014, WINTER

“Tadaima…” Yuto called out from the entrance hall. The lights were off, but he could hear the faint sounds coming from the television. He walked quietly to the living room to find Yamada sprawled on the sofa, appearing to have fallen asleep in the middle of a Harry Potter marathon. The penultimate movie was just ending, and he decided he might as well watch the last movie. Pulling out his laptop, he settled onto the rug in front of the TV, his laptop on the coffee table and his back against the sofa Yamada was sleeping on. He watched the movie while writing up a few ideas of stories he thought up on the commute home, but he was distracted. His mind kept coming back to his conversation with Chinen earlier that day.

“I guess I should tell you that I have a girlfriend now,” Chinen said without preamble as he sat down at their usual booth in the coffee house. Yuto choked on his iced coffee, the message too sudden for him to maintain any attempt at calm.

“W-what?!” Yuto said, when he had stopped coughing and had enough air for talking. Chinen laughed at the disbelieving expression in Yuto’s face.

“Don’t look like it’s the end of the world, Yutti. Our friendship won’t change. Ah, but please understand that I’d want to spend more time with my girlfriend,” he said with a wide grin, the statement said with such sweetness that there was practically a heart affixed at the end of it. Yuto couldn’t help but laugh at this sudden turn of events.

“Just. Wow. Congratulations,” he said sincerely, once he got over the initial shock. “Who’s the lucky girl that you love more than yourself?”

At this, Chinen looked down and smiled shyly. “You know her.”

“What? Who?!”

“Suzuka-san,” he said, and Yuto forgot he was reaching for a cookie as he gaped at his friend.

“Suzu—You mean Ohgo Suzuka-chan? Our high school classmate and friend, that Suzu-chan?” he said, his eyes wide.

“Yes, her, and if you weren’t my friend I could have punched you by calling her by her first name so casually. How many girls do we know with the same name?” he said, but underneath the calm and joking exterior Yuto could sense something else.

“Just—wow. How—” Yuto began, then noticed Chinen’s face. “Are you blushing?”

“Shut your face,” Chinen mumbled, chewing on a cookie to avoid answering Yuto’s question, even if the color his face had was more than enough proof. Yuto sat back and took a sip from his drink.

“Wow,” he said, staring at his blushing friend in awe. “Wow.”

“Stop saying that,” Chinen groaned, covering his face with his hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have cheered you on if I’d known—”

“No you won’t. You’d probably be guilty and never want to see me again,” Chinen interrupted.

“What?”

Chinen sighed. “Nothing, forget about it… Just… I might have been a bit too lucky with the circumstances,” he said. When he didn’t continue immediately, Yuto leaned back into his seat but didn’t prompt him, letting him talk at his own pace. Seeing that Yuto wasn’t going to budge, Chinen sighed and kept on talking.

“We’ve had a lot of the same classes since we had the same major and all, and since we were friends to begin with, we ended up talking a lot. We studied together most of the time too. It was hard for us to talk to strangers, so…” Chinen said, trailing off. Yuto nodded in understanding; Chinen may not look like it, but he was very shy among strangers.

“So we got to talking about life during high school, and then she suddenly said that she’s graduating from her unrequited high school love. She said she told me because she knew I’d understand, because I know the person. She cried and I was sort of there and… I sort of… hugged her… trying to comfort her…” Chinen said, voice growing softer with every word. Yuto grinned and sipped at his drink.

“Say something,” Chinen said. Yuto looked at him

“You don’t have to feel guilty, about anything” he suddenly said.

Chinen didn’t say anything, but he bit his lip as Yuto continued talking.

“I’m sure she told you how she felt because she trusts you. Trust is always a good foundation for love to start. No matter the circumstances, don’t get it to your head that she chose you just because you happened to be there. You were there for her, and that’s what matters. Even if you weren’t her first choice then, you are her first choice now, so don’t doubt your feelings for each other.”

“…Aren’t you even going to ask me who she liked first?” Chinen said, looking at Yuto with a sad smile. Yuto shook his head.

“I’m happy for the two of you. Really. Congratulations,” he said sincerely. Chinen let out a breath that he didn’t knew he held and finally cracked a smile, silently thanking Yuto.

“So, enough about me, you’re supposed to be the agenda of this meeting,” Chinen said, grinning at the opportunity to be the one doing the teasing. “How are things with you and Ryosuke?”

“Why is everyone asking about us?” Yuto said, the tips of his ears reddening as he put down his drink. Chinen raised his eyebrow at his friend.

“Are you seriously asking me that question? You’re living together—”

“As flatmates—”

“You study at the same university, and you’ve been in love with the guy for the past four years, even if you didn’t realize it until very recently. I’ve seen you guys flit around each other but always drawing back even if you two are the the most obvious people in the world. As your friend and one of the people most invested in your good futures, how am I not qualified to ask if you two have finally told each other how you felt?” Chinen said, taking a deep breath. Seeing that he probably had a lot more to say, Yuto hastily held up his hands in defeat.

“Okay, okay fine,” he said, then sighed. “This is going to sound like a lame excuse, but it really is scary. I’ve been thinking how to tell him, but every word sounds wrong. It’s… really hard,” Yuto finished lamely. Chinen sat back but didn’t disagree.

“I think… it’s okay to be scared. But if you keep being scared, nothing will happen. You’re just going to be stuck in that standstill, being allowed to love but only from a distance,” Chinen said. He looked at Yuto straight in the eye, and the last thing he said before he had to go still went back and forth through his head.

“You might be okay because he’s still there, and maybe you’ll think you can tell him any time, but you never know.

Yuto was shaken from his reverie when he felt Yamada shifting in his sleep on the sofa behind him. He could feel Yamada’s soft breath against the nape of his neck and he swallowed. The movie ended quite some time ago, and the only light in the room came from the screen of Yuto’s laptop.

“Yuto-kun…?” Yamada mumbled, his voice thick with sleep like that time many years ago when they first talked.

“Hm?” Yuto answered quietly.

“Tadaima,” he said sleepily, snuggling into the depths of the couch so his hair touched the back of Yuto’s neck.

“Ne… Yama-chan… can I ask you something?”

“Mhm.”

“Hypothetically… if this were a dream, and I told you I like you, would you not want to wake up anymore?” he said, not daring to turn his head. He felt rather than heard Yamada’s soft intake of breath.

“…I wouldn’t hate Yuto-kun at all. You’re very important to me,” he said softly. Nothing in the room stirred, the only thing making a sound was the clock doing its own business, ticking away. The light from his laptop blinked close, its battery drained, plunging them into near darkness right after Yuto asked his next question.

“…then, hypothetically, is there a world where you’ll like me back?”

Yamada was silent, until Yuto felt something soft press against his neck. He felt every word Yamada spoke on the knobs of his spine on his neck as he waited with bated breath, waiting for the words the lips against his neck would form.

“Can I wake up from my hypothetical dream so I can kiss you, then?"

----

Continued in Part 4

Starting Point 2/4 (for maplarojcan)

yyexchangemod — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 08:47:42 GMT

Title: Starting Point 2/4
Rating:PG-13
Genre: Romance, Slice of Life
Word count: 14, 498
Recipient: maplarojcan
Summary: Love starts in many ways. Some more unconventional than others, but each eventually taking their own course.
Author’s Note: Seasons are assigned according to how Japanese dramas are classified (from my knowledge). So Winter = January-March, Spring = April-June, Summer = July-September, Autumn= October-December. This is a work of fiction. Characters are not mine. Plot and the way characters are portrayed are made thus for the purpose of this creative work of fiction. Made for the 2014 Yamajima Summer Exchange.

Continued from Part 1

2011, SUMMER

“I’m doomed,” Yuto groaned, facedown on a table in a family restaurant near their cram school. It was the first day of summer vacation, and somehow Chinen thought it was a nice idea to do their summer homework as soon as possible. Yuto was holding a slightly crumpled piece of paper in his hands, the only visible source of his misery.

“It’s not the end of the world, Yutti, it’s just a mock exam,” Chinen mumbled, distracted by the chemical equation he was trying to balance.

“But with these results, I won’t be able to get into Toudai with you,” he said, voice muffled from his face being firmly planted onto the wood of the table. “The only stuff I passed are the humanities sections, and that won’t be enough. My parents would disown me.”

“They won’t, but they would probably ground you for life if you don’t graduate from high school. That won’t happen if you start doing your homework as soon as possible,” Chinen said, tapping on the table near Yuto’s head. “Starting now.”

“I’m too depressed to memorize the one hundred numbers of pi or balance chemical equations,” Yuto said, raising his head to look at all the textbooks and papers Chinen had spread in front of him.

“Look at it this way; you failed an exam you aren’t even qualified to take yet. We’re supposed to take the mock exam at the beginning of our third year; we’re barely halfway through our second year. Passing all the humanities sections is a huge achievement. You still have a year and a half to study for the real thing, it’ll be alright,” Chinen said.

“Says the person who passed everything with flying colors,” said Yuto mutinously, pushing Chinen’s eraser around the surface of the table. “Can’t we go to the beach instead?”

Chinen’s response was to hit him on the head with his pencil.

“OW. That hurt!”

“Good. Maybe the pain will wake you up to your stupidity.”

“Why’d you hit me for? I was joking!” he asked, rubbing at the sore part on the top of his skull.

“Because you were being stupid, and going to the beach right now won’t help you pass your exams,” Chinen scolded, eyes glued to his textbook. Yuto sighed and pulled out his own books and opening them to the dreaded practice problems.

“I feel like I’m getting more stupid by the minute,” Yuto declared half an hour later, now facedown on his chemistry book. Chinen leaned back and closed his own chemistry book, rubbing his eyes.

“I feel like my brain dried up,” Chinen said.

“Juice? I’ll pay,” Yuto said. The grin on Chinen’s face was enough of an answer.

“Thanks Yutti!” he called out as Yuto walked to the counter.

He was turning back towards their seats when someone outside the coffee shop across the street caught his attention. A familiar guy was sipping from a cup of iced coffee. Yuto said his name, even if he was inside the restaurant and the other person was already getting in a taxi.

“Yamada-san…”

Chinen had gotten up from their table and jogged to Yuto’s side.

“Are the drinks that heavy? You’ve been standing there for five minutes,” Chinen said, experimentally poking at Yuto’s arm and not getting any reaction. “Earth to Yutti?”

“Uh, what?” Yuto said, finally going back down to reality. He turned to Chinen, looking surprised that he was standing next to him.

“Come on big guy, the ice’s gonna melt,” Chinen said, steering Yuto back to their seat.

2011, SUMMER

Yuto was waiting for Chinen in the coffee shop across the street from the restaurant they were in a few days back, spinning a mechanical pencil between his fingers absentmindedly as he tried to work through more of his summer homework. A waiter approached him to give him a glass of water and the menu.

“Thank you,” Yuto said distractedly, scribbling down a few words that weren’t obviously schoolwork on a blank piece of paper.

“Ah, it’s you! Nakajima Yuto-san!” a surprised voice said. Yuto looked up to see the waiter staring at him in recognition. He blinked, trying to remember where he saw him before.

“We met in that poetry slam? Uh, your friend tore your poem from your notebook and asked me to give it to Yamada-kun?” he said.

“Ah! Inoo-san…? Yuto said cautiously, relieved when he nodded.

“I have something for you,” he said. “If you can wait, my shift ends in an hour or so. Drinks on me,” he added, scooping up the menu he had placed in front of Yuto and ignoring his protests.

Two hours later brought a text from Chinen saying he forgot they talked about meeting today and something urgent came up, endlessly apologizing and promising to make it up to him. Yuto has just finished sending his reply when Inoo slid into the booth he was in, now decked out in casual clothes and bearing two more iced coffees. He placed one of the coffee cups in front of Yuto.

“I haven’t even finished the one you gave me earlier,” Yuto said lightly, raising the said coffee for Inoo’s inspection.

“Don’t worry, I’m still paying for it,” Inoo said. He looked at the notebook under Yuto’s hand, filled with poems in his large, disorganized handwriting. “So you still write?” he asked conversationally, making Yuto start and self-consciously close his notebook when he noticed where Inoo was looking.

“Yeah… Sometimes I find myself just writing down a lot of stuff when I’m stressed. When I procrastinate, I almost always write,” Yuto said. Inoo nodded, then rummaged in his bag for something.

“Got it,” he said, holding up a small red USB drive and pulling out his laptop. Yuto saw Inoo’s desktop background—him and another guy bent over drafting tables and smiling at the camera—before Inoo plugged in the USB drive and played the video file in it.

“Yamada-kun showed up the next day and I gave him the poem like I said, but I realized I had no way to contact you guys. I asked a friend and he took a video of Yamada-kun’s performances,” Inoo said, waiting for the video to load. “Sorry, my laptop’s a bit ancient, so this might take a while.”

“Performances?” Yuto asked, noticing the plural. Inoo smiled.

“Yamada-kun liked the piece you wrote very much. He didn’t know when you’ll show up to watch a poetry slam so he’s been performing your poem everywhere he goes,” Inoo said. Yuto was about to ask something when the video finally started playing.

The video began with a dark stage, the spotlight only showing a microphone stand and the person standing on stage. Yamada was wearing a loose long-sleeved white sweater, and Yuto watched as he stepped forward and began reciting the poem he wrote.

It was his, word for word. But somehow, it became Yamada’s poem as well as he moved through the paces, infusing every letter with emotion. Yuto doubted he could perform this half as well as Yamada did. It was like Yamada made him understand the essence of what he wrote down on paper, that every word now made sense when he said it out loud. And it was also as much as watching Yamada as listening to him perform. Anyone can see the play of emotions in his eyes as he let go of every line, pushing the feelings of the persona in the poem from his heart and out of his chest through his mouth.

There was that word again.

Breathtaking.

“You made a lot of people cry, you know,” Inoo said quietly. Yuto was staring at the blank laptop screen, the video long over. “Your poem was a huge hit in all the poetry slams Yamada-kun performed it in.”

“That’s because Yamada-kun did such a good job in performing it. The back of a medicine carton would sound like Shakespeare if he read it out loud,” Yuto said. Inoo let out a short burst of laughter.

“You don’t really know, don’t you? The power your words have over people,” Inoo said. He smiled when Yuto shook his head in denial.

“You guys are really something. Say, can I borrow this?” he said, pulling Yuto’s notebook towards him and flipping it to the last page without waiting for Yuto’s answer. He scribbled down a number and an e-mail address before giving it back.

“Call him. I’m sure he wants to thank you for letting him perform your poem,” Inoo said with a smile. Yuto stared at the writing on his notebook, a smile finding its way on his lips.

2011, SUMMER

“What do you mean you haven’t called him?” Chinen and Inoo said at the same time. Yuto groaned and buried his face in his arms. The three of them were in the coffee shop; Inoo offered to tutor them for the summer, and Chinen and Inoo hit off pretty well (being Chinen). The both of them have taken an invested interest on Yuto’s contact with Yamada—specifically, its inexistence.

“I can’t just call him! What am I supposed to say?!” Yuto wailed. Chinen casually flipped the book he was holding upside-down and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.

“Inoo-chan, please talk to him. I’ll just question my life choices about becoming friends with this guy,” he said. Inoo sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Yuto-kun, I gave you his number and his e-mail address. I’ll even give you his home address if I knew it,” Inoo said. Chinen had recovered and opened Yuto’s bag, sifting through its contents.

“What are you doing?” Yuto asked in a tired voice that spoke of defeat.

“Bullying you into doing something you should have done a long time ago. If I knew you already had his number I would’ve done this sooner,” Chinen said, looking at the line of numbers and typing them into the phone. Yuto patted at his pockets, recognizing too late that Chinen was using his phone.

“How did you get that—why are you always stealing my stuff?!” Yuto said, trying to get his phone back. Chinen swatted his hands away, finished dialing and put the phone on speaker.

“Chinen, I am going to kill you—”

“Hello?” a voice coming from the phone, heavy with sleep, said. Chinen and Yuto both froze, while Inoo calmly sipped his coffee. “Who is this?”

“Don’t say anything and maybe he’ll just think it’s a wrong number—” Yuto whispered.

“Hello there, Yamada-kun! Sorry, did we wake you?” Inoo cheerfully said, making Yuto groan and Chinen laugh.

“Inoo-kun? Did you change numbers? Your number’s not registered…” the voice said, stifling a yawn.

“This isn’t my phone! Though it’ll be better if you save this number,” Inoo said mischievously.

“Are you drunk again? Whose phone did you use to drunk-dial me this time?” Yamada asked. Yuto cleared his throat.

“Um. It’s my phone,” he said nervously.

“I am so sorry for Inoo-kun bothering you… um…?”

“Nakajima. Nakajima Yuto.”

There was silence before the three of them heard a loud thumping sound from the other end of the receiver—like somebody fell out of bed.

“Eh? Is this really Nakajima-san? Oh wow,” Yamada said, voice obviously filled with awe. “Can I just say that I’m extremely honored and grateful to be able to perform your poem?”

“It’s not like it was a big deal. I should be the one thanking you for making something written that bad sound even remotely acceptable—"

“What are you talking about?” Even through the phone, the total incredulity in Yamada’s voice still came through. “That was one of the best things I’ve ever read.”

“Yutti, your face is extremely red,” Chinen observed with a small snigger. Face burning, Yuto swept up his phone and left their table, continuing to stammer out his thanks for Yamada and promising to let him read other things he had written out of relative earshot from Inoo and Chinen.

2011, AUTUMN

“Eh? Hikaru, what are you doing here so early? Our shift doesn’t start in three hours,” Inoo said in surprise. Yamada, Chinen and Yuto looked up from the review questions that Inoo gave them to see the person he was addressing; a guy around Inoo’s height, with crooked teeth but a bright smile and nicely built even if he looked skinny.

“The lecture ended early, and I thought I’d wanted to try practicing that latte art I messed up a few days ago,” he said, shrugging out of his coat and taking in the eavesdroppers in his conversation, giving them a little wave. Inoo started and straightened up in his seat, gesturing at the other three.

“How rude of me. Everyone, meet Yaotome Hikaru, artist of all trades. His family owns half of the chain enterprise of this coffee shop, and all the art you can see in this establishment was done by him,” Inoo said, Yuto noting the hint of pride in his voice. Yamada and Chinen’s eyes were shining bright as they all bowed towards Hikaru, while the latter ducked his head in embarrassment.

“Will you quit introducing me like that? His family owns the other half of the coffee shop chain, so it’s not much of a big deal,” he told the others. Inoo grinned and chose not to comment, quickly rattling off their names to Hikaru.

“Wait, I know you two!” he exclaimed when he heard Yuto and Yamada’s names. “You always performed that poem he wrote,” he said to Yamada while gesturing at Yuto. “I’ve always watched you perform when we hold poetry slams here. The both of you are pretty good.”

Both of them shook their heads, instinctively denying the praise directed at them due to the deeply-ingrained humility in them. Hikaru looked at Chinen, who was quietly enjoying his friends’ fame for them. “And I’m sure you’re famous in one way or another. I see you a lot in Arashi live houses.”

“You’re a fan too?!” Chinen asked in obvious delight; anyone liking Arashi was automatically eligible for his friendship. Inoo, Yuto and Yamada laughed as Chinen rapidly shot off questions about Arashi to Hikaru, who was actually starting to look a bit scared.

“Hikaru, that latte art won’t make itself,” Inoo said, rescuing him from another round of Arashi questions. Hikaru shot him a grateful look and waved to the others before going behind the counter and tying an apron around his waist. Yamada was looking around the coffee shop in admiration.

“Wow, Yaotome-san is a really good artist,” Yamada said.

“He was personally scouted by our university’s theater organization to help paint the backdrops needed for plays,” Inoo said proudly. “The theater organization of our school is pretty famous inside and outside the campus, so it’s a really great honor to be chosen like that. Sometimes he ropes me in to help in the stage design.”

“I remember where I saw him before!” he exclaimed, making everyone else look at him in surprise. He turned to Inoo. “He was the other guy with you in that picture on your desktop, right?”

Chinen and Yamada turned to Inoo, whose face had turned into an interesting shade of crimson. “Don’t say anything to him about that,” was his only reply.

Call it subtle threatening, but it felt as if the mock exam Inoo gave them afterwards was noticeably harder than the ones he gave them before.

2012, AUTUMN

“You guys sure you’ve got everything you need?” Inoo asked them for the fifth time. “Exam permits, extra pencils, erasers, enough brain cells—?”

“You’re making the kids nervous, Kei-chan,” Hikaru said with a quiet laugh before turning towards the three of them. “You guys will be fine. Just be careful when answering okay?”

Yuto, Yamada and Chinen all answered in varying forms of affirmation, but they still looked nervous. They had a right to be nervous; it was the first university admissions exam they were going to take, and by some miracle all three of them were seated next to each other. Even Chinen looked a little brittle today, his usual confident jokes not making any appearances. Yamada was clutching a handmade omamori in his left hand, and Yuto was unconsciously tapping his fingers on his thigh to a beat only he could hear. Inoo and Hikaru straightened into attention, saluting all three exam-takers.

“Ganbatte ne. Itterashai!” they said. The three returned their salutes with smiles on their faces. Inoo watched them walk towards the exam venue with a wistful smile—Yuto and Chinen wearing the blazers of their school uniform and Yamada in his gakuran—as Hikaru chuckled beside him.

“You look like you’re sending off your own kids,” Hikaru observed with amusement. Inoo lightly elbowed Hikaru’s arm.

“It kinda feels that way. You’re the same too,” Inoo said. Hikaru smiled and nodded in quiet agreement.

----

Continued in Part 3